"VEGETA!!!!" He reached, terrified, trying to catch… air? His head turned wildly before he realized he was in his own room, in his bed. A dream. It had been a dream. He reached out, to find the empty space next to him where he had thought to find comfort. His breath caught as the grief caught him again, agonizingly intense, too strong for him to even cry out. Falling. He curled in on himself, long blond locks hanging down to form a curtain as at last the tears came, the great gasping sobs he'd held back for far too long.
The crying wore him down, his power dropped with it. He curled on his side, whimpering into his pillow as tears continued to rain from his eyes. He was too far gone to notice the front door crash open, too limp with his sorrow to care that someone was standing over his bed.
Vegeta stared down at the pathetic creature lying there. This was Kakarot? The strong, ever happy warrior? The one who had smiled all the way through his wife's funeral and eaten tons of food at the wake afterward? Who hadn't shown by word or deed in the two months since that her death had fazed him in the slightest?
But he knew what had happened, now that he was here. He sat uneasily on the side of the bed, touched the other man's shoulder. He knew - because he had lost Bulma. And he, too, had kept up his usual ways until he was sure he was alone before he fell apart. Only, he'd gone to space to do his mourning. No one had known.
Goku felt the touch, recognized the presence without having to look. He threw himself into Vegeta's arms, weeping out the rest of his strength against the prince's shoulder. Vegeta held him, stroking his hair, but saying nothing. For the Earth-raised Saiyan, it would be enough that he was here - he who knew what the other was going through. Besides, the prince had had far too many meaningless platitudes blatted at him to even think of inflicting them on the gentle spirit he held. He had barely been able to contain his rage - he didn't want to think of what Kakarot would do, especially considering the power surge that had brought him here in the first place! Even as he thought that, Kakarot's hair shortened, darkened as he dropped from SS3 to normal.
Had the grief for that sharp-tongued woman really… he thought of his own grief for his own sharp-tongued wife, and sighed as his eyes misted. Of course Kakarot would go SS3. He always went to extremes where emotions were concerned.
They stayed that way, sharing both grief and comfort, until Goku finally fell asleep. Even then, tears still slipped from his eyes. Vegeta laid him carefully on the bed, pulling the coverlet back up over the sleeping form. How odd, that he had stayed. But, no longer. He turned sharply, leaving the sleeping warrior behind.
Goku woke slowly, blinking uncertainly around his room. There was no sign of anyone else, but Goku remembered Vegeta coming, comforting him. He shook his head slightly, trying to clear it. Vegeta did not give comfort.
He pulled the little bottle of pills from the hiding place, shook them out into his hand. One a day, Chi-Chi had told him. One a day, so he wouldn't get sick like she had. There were two left. He took one, put the other back where it belonged. He'd have to remember to get more.
His stomach rumbled. "Oh, I guess you want more than a little bitty pill! Let's go see what's in the fridge." Goku hopped from bed, dragging a robe across the bedroom before he got it belted on properly. But the sight of the fridge dismayed him. There wasn't a single bite of food left!
"It's about time you woke up." The gravelly voice from behind made him jump. "It's almost noon."
"V… Vegeta?" Goku tripped over himself turning around, and wound up sprawled on the floor. Looking up, he asked, "What are you doing here?"
"I came here to die, Kakarot." The prince took two steps toward him.
"To die? But that doesn't make any sense!" Goku's eyes widened in sudden horror as Vegeta staggered forward, a talon ripping through his back, piercing out his stomach before vanishing. "VEGETA!" His power surged as he leapt, reaching to catch the prince before he hit the floor. He…
Puzzled green eyes took in the familiar surroundings, the bed, the chair at the desk next to the closet. His hands were still extended, and the long spikes of golden hair cascading around him confirmed that he had transformed. He'd only been dreaming? But hadn't he just woken up? Gone down to get some breakfast?
He looked around, the air of bewilderment growing as he observed the clothes scattered across the floor, the half-opened door. Chi-Chi had been dead for awhile, but her clothes were strewn with his. His brain ceased to understand anything when she walked through the door.
"Kakarot?" The other Saiyan was still at the third level, just sitting on his bed, staring vacantly at the door. Vegeta shut it behind him. "Kakarot? Why have you transformed to that level? Kakarot! Answer me!" The sharp command rang through the air, but the younger Saiyan didn't respond. Vegeta walked over to him.
Arms outstretched toward the end of the bed, yet the clown faced the door. He hadn't blinked once since Vegeta had arrived. Vegeta smacked him sharply.
"Oww!" Confused green eyes looked up at him. "V… Vegeta?"
"Kakarot, why are you at level three?"
"Are you really here?" Vegeta was about to answer sharply when the other shook his head. "No, of course you aren't. I'm just dreaming again."
"Of me?" The comment was startled out of him.
Goku lowered his arms, began fidgeting with the long blond locks he still sported. "Chi-Chi used to get so mad at me. But she… she said she understood…"
"Understood what?"
"That I couldn't love her because I love you," Goku answered quietly. Vegeta collapsed on the bed, eyes huge. "I used to wake her up, dreaming that you'd been hurt, or killed, and I hadn't been able to stop it."
"Love… me?" Vegeta stammered. "You love me?"
"Of course. She knows. She knew before I did. I was always more excited to see you than to spend time with her. I would drop everything she wanted me to do if there was a chance to do something with you. My eyes would light up, she said, whenever you were around. She said I would do anything for you."
"She said that when?" He'd gotten his composure back, at least.
"Oh, she said it a lot. Not when the boys could hear her, though. She didn't want Goten thinking anything like that was good."
"What?" Where had that come from? "Why not?"
"She thought that Goten was too much like me. And since I love you, and Goten and Trunks are so close, she was afraid that he would fall in love with Trunks."
"Has it ever occurred to you that your wife was insane?"
"No."
"Of course not," Vegeta snorted. "But that still doesn't answer my question."
"I had to catch you before you fell."
"Before I fell?"
"Yes. You told me you came here to die, and then the talon ripped out your stomach, and you started to fall. I had to catch you."
The dream, Vegeta guessed. "Did you?"
The green eyes were still vague, confused. "I don't know. I woke up, here, and then Chi-Chi came in." He blinked. "She screamed and screamed at me, but I couldn't understand anything she said. Then she got really quiet, and said, 'You called him, didn't you? I should have known. You've never been able to love me - because you've always loved him. I knew that. I've known a long time. But now I understand.' And then she left, and you were here."
No wonder the fool thought he was still dreaming. "Kakarot?"
The already wide eyes widened further, with worry, at the warning tone Vegeta used. "What have I done now? Are you going to die again?"
"Kakarot!" Vegeta exclaimed in sheer exasperation. "I am right here. You're awake. Now, would you kindly drop out of super Saiyan mode?"
Blink blink. A soft sigh, and the long tresses faded to unruly black spikes, the green eyes darkening to black. "I'm so tired, Vegeta. So tired." Goku turned his head slowly, taking in the room, then focusing on Vegeta. "I just want to sleep."
"Then lay down," Vegeta ordered gruffly.
"Okay." Goku laid down obediently, curling up as he did so. To Vegeta's great astonishment, the savior of the world started sucking his thumb, but his eyes remained fastened on the older Saiyan.
"Just how many of these nightmares have you had?" Vegeta murmured under his breath, as he pulled the light cover up over the other. "Sucking your thumb like a baby." Louder, he said, "There. Now, go to sleep. I'm going to sit over there at the desk, keep an eye on you."
Unnerving. That was the only word Vegeta could apply to this absurd situation. Kakarot, in love with him? Having nightmares involving his death? Sucking his thumb, for Kami's sake! He stared moodily at the sleeper. The thumb was still stuck in his mouth. A child's comfort device, not fit for a warrior like Kakarot! What had come over the man?
Loving him. Vegeta shuddered. He didn't need any such thing! "I had a bad enough time… back then," he muttered angrily. "I don't need this!"
He didn't leave, though. He'd told Kakarot he was staying, so stay he would. At least until the clown woke up, he amended. He certainly wasn't moving in! Goku rolled over, his thumb finally slipping from his mouth, a tiny little frown appearing. Satisfied that Goku was still asleep, Vegeta made himself more comfortable, but continued his contemplation on the sleeping Saiyan and his declaration.
"Vegeta! Don't go that way!"
Vegeta sat up sharply as Goku's power began to build, as he began twisting in the bed, almost as if he were fighting something.
"Vegeta!" Pain, heart-felt terror. Goku sat up straight in the bed, his form switching in an instant to the third level, bypassing the first two levels altogether. "Vegeta! NO!" He fell face-first off the bed, screaming incoherently, and the little house began to shake as his power surged.
"Kakarot!" Vegeta grabbed a handful of hair, yanked the other's face up. "Kakarot!" He found himself flat on his back, pinned down by Goku's greater strength. "Kakarot! Let me up this instant!" His own power flared, his struggling intensifying. Cloth ripped. Vegeta punched Goku directly on the nose, finally knocking the other off him. He leapt to his feet, turned on the other.
"Owwwww!!!!!" Two black eyes regarded him accusingly. "What did you do that for?" Blood streamed from between Goku's fingers, and he snagged a bit of clothing off the floor to staunch the flow. "I think you broke my nose!"
"It would serve you right!" Vegeta seethed. "How dare you!"
"Wha???" Goku looked up at him in total confusion. "Wha' I do? Why're you a super Saiyan?"
"Are you telling me you attacked me because you were asleep!" Vegeta roared.
"I did?" Goku sat up carefully, testing his sore nose. "Why'd you go off and punch me in the nose?"
If anything, the question served to further enrage the prince. He took two steps, and grabbed another handful of hair, yanking the taller Saiyan to his knees. Goku yelped, tried to free himself. "You idiot! Do you have any idea what you did?" He shook Goku furiously, then flung him down again. "Worthless clown." The window was close by, he used it.
Goku didn't move from where he'd been thrown. One hand reached out toward the departed prince, dropped to the floor. "What did I do?" he whispered as tears began tracking down his face. "Why does he hate me? Why am I worthless?"
He'd finished training. All of his chores were done. Goku looked at the empty house next to his own. Once, his son's family had lived there. But Gohan's work had required a move to the city. Goten had stayed in the house a few weeks, but decided he was far too close to his mother. He'd found an apartment in town that he rented with a few of his friends. Even after Chi-Chi's death the year before, he hadn't moved back. Town was more interesting, and he was closer to his best friend. Goku hadn't seen either boy for several months, now.
His grandchildren were busy with careers and children of their own, with no time to visit so far from home. He had the time to visit them, but had finally given up on seeing them for more than a few minutes when he went. They simply didn't have time for him. Goku leaned against the front door, looking around the land he'd lived on for so long. It wasn't that he minded living alone, he'd done that a lot, after all! It was just… lonely. Even Vegeta didn't come around to insult him.
"Worthless clown." Goku's breath caught, the remembered words striking as harshly now has they had then. What had he done? He hadn't seen the other Saiyan since that night. He bit his lip, feeling the tears gathering. Why him? Why Vegeta? Had he said something? Done something? All he remembered was the dream. That horrible dream.
And then he had woken up, bleeding, with Vegeta standing over him and absolutely furious. He'd been too confused at the sudden change from nightmare to reality, and only knew that Vegeta had hit him. Asking why had been the wrong thing to do, but he honestly hadn't known that he'd done something to warrant being hit. And he still didn't know what the something was!
He'd even tried visiting Capsule Corp., to see if maybe Vegeta would want to spar with him. He'd been told in no uncertain terms, by a servant, that he wasn't welcome, even before he'd been able to say why he was there. He'd gone back several times, hopeful until Trunks had met him at the door that day.
"Goku, Dad's given orders that you're not to be allowed in the house. You know I don't live here, so there's no reason to come . I don't know what happened between you two, but you better leave him alone."
He hadn't gone back. He never went to town anymore, not even the small ones close by. He ate what he could grow or catch, mended his clothes when they ripped. He'd even made his latest pair of boots. But, then again, he didn't have any money to go to town for shopping. He had to be self-sufficient.
Slowly, Goku slid to the ground, leaning back against his front door. He could hear the TV in the background, a commercial for the upcoming Tournament. Maybe he should fight in it. There wouldn't be any challenge to it… there was no one stronger than he himself. And the prize money would help with some of the repairs his old house needed. And seed for next year's garden, the harvest wasn't looking too good for this year. Some new clothes… his patches had patches.
"Goku. Okay, you're entered." Goku nodded and proceeded on into the arena. A news crew met him, the woman babbling questions. He answered her mechanically, who he was, where he was from, those sorts of things. Since he wasn't playing up to the camera, she soon moved on.
Elimination rounds went by in a blur. Goku didn't bother even hitting his opponents, he just picked them up and dumped them outside of the ring, ignoring any blows they gave him. When they finished, he went to eat.
He ate more slowly than usual, and got up before he'd eaten what he normally wouldn't consider enough for a snack. After finding out when he needed to be ready for the drawing of lots, he found a place to take a nap, waking just before he needed to be on the arena floor.
Sixteen contestants, and he drew number one. He displayed his ball, watched dispassionately as they wrote his name under the number. Walked back away from the box, scanned the crowd absently. No one there he knew, but some of them would cheer for him anyway. Wild yells from the crowd as the number two was drawn.
His opponent for that match was a rough-looking big guy. No power to him, one punch would topple him. Goku looked over the rest of the fighters, sighed. Not one of them would cause him to even break a sweat. There wasn't going to be a problem winning, but he probably ought to give them a chance, and give the crowd a good show.
It had gotten over unbelievably quickly. He had used no more than two punches or a kick to dispose of his competition. Other fights had lasted longer, his had been over before anyone could blink. Sometime between deciding to give the crowd a show, and actually stepping into the ring, Goku had decided he didn't care. He just needed the money.
He accepted the prize money, the hoopla and madness of the crowd for the new champion. He endured the cameras and the reporters, sometimes answering, but more often looking patently clueless. Nothing drew his full attention.
He chose a hotel at random, got himself a room, and went out to get some decent clothes. Goku completely ignored the people whispering amongst themselves about the new champion. A little girl finally got his attention.
"Can I has you awgraf?"
Goku stopped, stared down at the munchkin by his feet. "Can what?" he asked.
"I has you awgraf?"
"Awgraf?" Goku blinked. "I don't have an awgraf."
"She wants your autograph." The child's mother was looking at him like he was an idiot.
"Auto…" Goku remembered Hercule signing picture after picture, and flushed scarlet. He dropped to his knees by the girl. "I'm sorry, child. I never did learn how to write very well. But if you have something for me to write with, I'll do the best I can."
The child happily produced a stubby crayon and a scribbled on paper. Goku bent to the sidewalk, and very carefully wrote his name in big block letters. "There!" he exclaimed happily. "Here you go."
"Twank you!" The child clutched paper and crayon tightly, and scampered off with her mother. Goku watched them go, then set about his shopping, again oblivious to the crowds around him, except for the children. Only they got his attention, and only they got the Saiyan's childish autograph.
Goku gave lavish gifts to his family, of course. They thanked him, then went on about their busy lives. After a few weeks of trying to find a time when they had time for him, he drifted back out to his lonely home. He took care of the garden, the other myriad chores that he created for himself so he would have something to do.
He got out the books that Chi-Chi had used to school Gohan and Goten, and picked his way slowly through them. He had learned to read, after all. Master Roshi had taught him more than just how to fight, but he hadn't really had much use for the other lessons. Now, he had time and more time on his hands. So, he read, and learned. He worked on his handwriting as well, eventually graduating from the block letters to a neat, bold script.
And he began keeping a diary.
I had that dream again. The one where Vegeta tells me he's come to my house to die. I still don't know if I manage to catch him. I wake up, and I'm in my room… but sometimes I'm not awake, I'm still dreaming. Sometimes I wake up to Chi-Chi screaming at me. She screams and screams, but I can't understand what she's saying. This time… oh, Kami! Why do you torture me like this? This time, I woke up, and found Vegeta next to me. He was asleep, and I woke him up. He got angry with me, and began to beat me. I… I let him. I couldn't fight him, I just couldn't!
I knew it wasn't real. I'm sure it couldn't have been. Vegeta wouldn't do anything like that. I haven't seen him for two years now. But when I woke up, I was covered with bruises, and my arm was broken, just like in the dream. I had an old senzu bean left, so I took that. I'm all healed up of course.
The garden is producing really well this year. I won't starve this winter. Well, since I still have money left from the tournament last year, I wouldn't starve anyway.
My dreams are going to drive me insane. I don't know how many more times I can stand to watch Vegeta die, with me helpless to stop it. This last one… He came to the house with Chi-Chi. She killed him with a frying pan after drugging me senseless. I don't understand.
I don't remember what these pills are for anymore. I know I have to take one a day, but I need a refill already again. There's a lot fewer pills than I thought I should have. So I went to town to get more. No one was at home at Gohan's today. I guess he was at work. Goten wasn't home either, or any of the grandchildren. I don't know where they could have all been. It's summer. The kids shouldn't've all been gone. I even stopped at Capsule Corp., but I didn't try to go in. I could feel Vegeta, and I know he's still mad at me. What did I do that night?
Goku stretched out on his bed, working his way through the meditation exercises he'd learned so long ago. Slowly, he relaxed, his mind clearing of the week's accumulated nothingness. A slight smile twisted his lips, it was unbelievably hard to clear one's mind of nothing. He sank into the meditative trance, trying to work his way around the issue of loneliness.
He knew his children lead busy lives, that their children all worked and had children of their own to take care of. He knew those children were busy with school. But even on weekends, no one had visited, or been available when he'd called to see if they would mind him visiting. He'd learned, after several arrivals at empty homes, to call ahead. Sometimes he had to leave messages on machines, but the basic answer was always that no one had time.
Vegeta had the time, but Vegeta wouldn't speak to him. The servants hung up on him if he called, and if he stood outside the house and raised his power level so that Vegeta could tell he was there and waiting, he was left waiting. Vegeta wouldn't talk to him. And yet, perhaps it was worth one more shot.
Goku IT'd to Capsule Corp., raising his level as he had so many times before. And waited. He always waited a long time before leaving. Just as he dropped his level and turned to leave, despondent, the gates creaked open. Vegeta stood there.
"I… I came to apologize."
"What makes you think I want an apology, Kakarot?"
Goku took a few steps forward. "I did something wrong, something that made you really mad at me. I don't want you to be mad at me Vegeta! I want us to be… like we were before."
Vegeta's lip curled in a sneer. "I don't." The gate clanged shut. Goku stared at the gate a long moment before returning home.
He fixed a sandwich, took his pill. Methodically, he pulled the weeds from the garden, harvesting the ripe vegetables. He'd taken three baskets of produce into the house when Vegeta arrived.
"Vegeta?"
"I really don't want us to be like we were before." Vegeta moved in closer, then threw a punch at the larger Saiyan's stomach. Goku went down with a whoomph, and Vegeta moved in. "I want something else." The prince captured Goku, kissing him savagely.
Goku woke slowly, stretching himself carefully. His eyes popped open, and he looked around expectantly. No one was there. He untangled himself from the sheets, hopping out of bed. A quick prowl through the house showed no one there. His table was set for two, but only one person had eaten anything.
He stared at the table a long time. "A dream? Another… dream?" His breath caught. Something that powerful, that intense… the forgiveness… had all been a dream? He walked slowly through the house now, noting where he and Vegeta had been, but seeing signs of only one person who had actually been there, but items set out for two. It hadn't been dream, but hallucination. He'd been awake, moving, believing Vegeta was there.
I buried Gohan today. I can't believe it. Can't believe he's really dead. I mean, I know I hadn't seen them for awhile, but… well… I just… I never expected to have to bury my children! Goten - I couldn't believe how old he looked. But, I guess he is old. Time isn't something I have kept very good track of. The entries in this diary, they're so sporadic. I've been in four tournaments since Chi-Chi died, and only a brief mention of any of them. I'll be in another one tomorrow. My days are all the same. I do some training, weed the garden, do the chores, fix meals…and see things that aren't there.
Vegeta was at the funeral. He and I both look younger than our children. Trunks' hair was still purple the last time I saw him. It's gone completely grey. Goten's is streaked with grey. I tried to talk with Vegeta, but he… he just walked off. Glared at me and walked away. What did I do to him? It's been sixteen years! What did I do that was so wrong?
Final round. Time to defend his title as world champion again. Goku sighed, stepped into the ring. The opposer came at him with a flurry of blows, Goku let them land. None of them were strong enough to even make him flinch. He raised his hand, slowly, and flicked the man on the forehead. He crashed into the wall on the opposite side of the arena.
There was a faint smattering of applause, the audience beginning to disperse even before he was declared champion again. None of the demi-Saiyans had entered the matches since Pan's last match. The others who entered weren't any challenge, and Goku didn't treat them like they were. His continuous, short wins had palled.
He stepped out of the ring, gathered the few things he had brought with him. Time for his medicine. He walked quickly to the hotel room he had picked out. Groupies were already hanging about, something he had gotten used to over time. He'd learned to ignore them. However, he couldn't ignore the one who planted herself directly in his path.
"Hello, Uncle."
"Uncle?" He rocked backward in shock. "Uncle?"
"You are Kakarot, aren't you?"
He ushered her into his room, still utterly confused. She seemed familiar, but he knew he'd never seen her before. "Uncle?"
"I'm Trianna."
"Hi, Trianna. I'm Goku. Uncle?"
"My great-great-grandfather is Vegeta."
"Oh." Goku blinked at the young woman before him. Sixteen years old, maybe. He recognized the faint hint of Saiyan in her, but unlike the first and second generations of demi-Saiyans, this young woman barely rated a blip on his internal power radar. "Wait a minute. Vegeta's not my brother!"
She giggled. "You are as dumb they say, aren't you, Uncle?"
"That's not nice!" He blinked down at sultry blue eyes, his own widening in shock as she slid her hands inside his shirt. "I.. Ah… I…. What are you doing?"
"Taking your clothes off. I want to see your body."
"My… what? Why? Will you stop that!" Goku grabbed unsuccessfully for the tie that held his pants up. "Hey! AHHH!"
She cut off his strangled cry with a kiss, having to stand on tiptoe and press herself firmly against him to do so. Her hand expertly manipulated him. He shuddered, leaning back against the door, too confused to stop her.
Her name was Trianna, she said. Beautiful, like most of the women that are always around. Vegeta's great-great-granddaughter. She looked familiar, that's why I let her in to start with, I think. And when she told me who she was, I thought maybe she could help find out what I had done to make her great-great-grandfather so mad at me. And then…
Goku laid down the pen. How was he to describe what had happened next? His memory took him back… "Worthless clown!" Vegeta stared at him a moment, a look full of disgust and rage. Then he stepped to the window and flew away, gone in moments, and only the trail of his flight to mark that he had been there at all. And then that had faded. Goku had dropped his hand then, as the tears gathered and flowed, wondering what he'd done that had been so wrong.
Again, he picked up the pen, began to write. I was wrong. Kami, I was so wrong! She got me confused. I know it's not hard for anyone to confuse me, but I should've been able to stop her from getting my clothes off! I should have been able to stop her from… Goku laid the pen down again, reached for the small bottle of sake. He, who had once considered a measly beer bad for him, had littered the floor with empty sake bottles. The new bottle joined the others on the floor. …raping me. I haven't been with a woman since Chi-Chi died. Well, since before then, actually. But I should have been able to stop her! I could have stopped her before she got my clothes off, I could have pushed her away. I could have done a lot of things, but I was so surprised and confused that I just couldn't do anything! It was like another one of those dreams, where I'm helpless to stop what I can see is happening. I'm stronger than she is, but it was like I couldn't defend against her.
Goku read what he'd written. The whole episode was muddled in his mind because he'd been so shocked. He knew that the girl had known exactly how to touch him. He also knew he'd somehow wound up on his back on the floor, the girl riding him. But he didn't know how she'd gotten him to the floor, he didn't know everything she'd done with and to him.
I have a lot of scars. I think she must have cut me with something, and I do remember bleeding. I remember her bent over me, licking the blood as it ran from me. But I don't remember being cut. Or bitten, but I definitely have bite marks!
She looked like family. Actually, she looks a lot like Vegeta, if it wasn't for her hair and eyes. Her hair was such a beautiful mix of blue and purple, and streaked with black. And her eyes… Goku sat back with a sigh. Her eyes. She had Bulma's eyes, only a darker shade of blue.
I drowned in her eyes. I don't even remember what her body was like, if she was soft and curvy or boyish. I remember her hair, I remember her eyes. She had Vegeta's face, but softer, not as harsh, happier. I don't remember touching her, but I can remember bits of the feel of her body on mine, the way her hair curtained her face and draped over me, her body arcing over me, the feel of her tongue as she lapped my blood the way a cat drinks milk.
Time passes so slowly. No mail in the mailbox today, and I don't know why I bother to have a phone. I don't even get messages, and I always talk to machines. No one has come to visit me for a year, and the few times I have gone to visit, no one had time for me. Vegeta still will not allow me to speak with him.
Trunks and Goten were killed in an accident. My sons are both dead now. Almost all of my friends have died. Vegeta still isn't speaking to me, though I still see him in my dreams. I am still trying to save him, and still failing.
The dreams are so personal! I don't understand them anymore. I understand that I would try to save Vegeta if he was being attacked. I don't understand these. I don't understand catching him after he's been gored, and then kissing him. I don't understand the dreams where he is my lover. Vegeta would never do something like that. Especially not with me! Besides, every time I do see him, he ignores me. To him, I no longer exist.
It's been so long since I have talked to anyone. The girl, Trianna, came to my house today. I had trouble getting my voice to work. I haven't used it for two years, after all. Not since Goten's funeral. She came to show me my daughter. I never knew that I had a daughter, but there she was. Three years old, and I'd never even known she existed. Trianna only brought her because she was dying, so that she would be able to see her father before she died. I won't get to see this child grow up… the cancer has already eaten so far into her that she isn't expected to live out the year, Trianna said.
Jessamine is dead. What was left of my tournament winnings paid for the funeral. No one came. Not her grandparents, not anyone! I hadn't known they were living on the streets, that her family had abandoned her, or I would have helped sooner. Trianna hadn't told me. I brought her to live with me. She's a very lot like her gg grandfather. Temperamental! But she's a lot easier to get along with than Chi-Chi was. And she doesn't mind about the dreams. She helps me get over them.
I've lost Trianna. She'd been sick, but I hadn't realized how sick until I came home from hunting and found her. I buried her next to our daughter. None of the family came, just like they didn't come for Jessamine. Just me and the priest, the same one who'd done Jess's funeral.
Goku wrapped the towel around his waist, heading for the door. He ran down, opening the door as the pounding continued.
Vegeta stood there. Goku gaped a moment, and then stood aside so the prince could enter.
"Vegeta?" He heard the note of hope in his scratchy, rarely used voice. "Vegeta? Have… have you forgiven me?"
"You fool." A scathing whisper of sound that caused Goku to drop his hopeful gaze to the floor. "Why would I forgive what you've done?"
Goku looked up again. "But what did I do, Vegeta? I don't know what I did! Eighteen years, Vegeta… eighteen years since you've spoken to me. Four years since I've seen you - and that at my son's funeral. What did I do?" he wailed.
"Moron." Vegeta turned on his heel and left the room. His voice floated back. "I will never forgive you."
"No!" Goku got to his feet, rushed to the door. There was no sign of the prince. "Vegeta? VEGETA!" There was no answer.
Goku poured all of his power into the transformation, building it slowly, making his little house shake. The plaster on the walls cracked, the floorboards pried themselves apart, the ceiling broke into pieces. The little house tumbled into a pile of debris, and still Goku raised his level, holding it for the longest he could before changing. The ground cracked, wind whipping around him as he finally switched, and the long golden spikes took the place of shorter black ones. "WHY?"
Vegeta came today. He told me he would never forgive me. Eighteen years, and I never did know what I did wrong. I hope… one day…
The last entry was shaky, the page liberally splotched with blood, the last line barely legible because the handwriting had deteriorated so badly. Vegeta closed the little book. "Damn you, Kakarot. That wasn't me."
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One shot. One shot only. I am not expanding this one. I put all the clues you needed in here.