Alright, this idea has been bugging me for awhile now, so I'm going to post it. Basically, I heard this song on the radio, and I don't know how many of you listen to country (but I KNOW you do Country Girl!) but this song is totally and completely written for this situation. This is in NO WAY a fic for kikyo lovers, but u probably shouldn't read it unless you can tolerate something that shows Inuyasha admitting he USED to love her (USED TO PPL, A LONG TIME AGO) but now he knows what real love is, and it's more than an emotion, it's a peace. It's called Stay Gone, and it totally work for poor Inu's situation.
Whew, kinda long speech. Oh! And today's my b-day!
***
Inuyasha gazed down at Kagome's motionless form from his perch on the great oak above her. She was so still at night, so silent, so different from when she was awake. But she still managed to have that aura about her, the tough frailness that inspired so much protectiveness in him. Whether she was awake or asleep, he often found himself stealing glances at her, to make sure nothing had happened to her. Seeing her smile at him, even while unconscious, always made him feel right . . . complete even. It was almost like having his mother back, but at the same time so very different.
She looked at him with such trust, such friendliness and compassion, no matter how annoying she could be he knew he'd fight for her. He wouldn't let anyone ruin her innocence, her love for life. Though logic argued that she had endured more horrors than most girls had at her age, he still took refuge in the all-compassing love that shown through her eyes. With her, with the group she had formed, he didn't worry about what he was, or who he was supposed to be. He was Inuyasha, and amazingly enough that was all that mattered to them.
I found peace of mind
Since he'd met her, his life had been full of one fight after another, one heartache only to be followed by another, but each precious moment of unspoken companionship between them made it all worth it. They had nothing to prove to each other, no goals other than redeeming the Shikon jewel. He wasn't obligated to be nice to her, and she wasn't afraid to yell at him. Together, he knew they'd scared the two other humans in their company horribly. The verbal abuses they slung at each other could be heard for miles, but in the end, they always made up.
It was something constant in his life. No matter what happened, no matter how bad things got, Kagome would be there. She might not always do what he wanted her to, she was unpredictable that way, but she would always care about him, always do everything in her power to do the right thing, at any cost to herself. She was so self-sacrificing and he so selfish, but he knew if anyone threatened her life or her dreams, he would intervene. He didn't know when their quest had stopped being something he was forced to do by his necklace, but now it was something he would give his life for.
I'm feeling good again
He allowed a small smile to grace his features as he continued to watch her sleeping figure. It was amazing how fragile she could look from a distance, but how fierce and determined she became when anyone threatened her friends. Even him. That was a new thought for him. That someone would want to defend him. He was used to fighting for himself, and maybe occasionally for others, if the reward was good enough. But more than once she had risked her life, risked her soul, to save him, or even make him happy.
She was changing him. It was obvious, if he let himself think about it. He was starting to care what happened to someone other than himself, he was protecting others of his own free will. Kikyo had tried to change him all those years ago, but somehow this was different. Kikyo had wanted him to make an effort to change, whereas Kagome accepted him so completely he found himself changing to prove himself to her, or maybe because you couldn't be around her and be the cold-hearted monster he had been. Her love for life was contagious, maybe she had just made him realize who he really was, and there had never been a need to change that.
I'm on the other side
Thinking about Kikyo always made him look off into the distance, and for a moment, Kagome's face was a blur. If Kikyo had lived, he would have lived his life with her. They would have protected the jewel and lived in the shrine, and he would never had heard of the human girl from the future who wanted nothing more than to prove herself to a people long dead in her time.
Kikyo had changed a lot from the girl he had known, perhaps even loved. She had never been full of life, but she had loved. Now, he wasn't sure she knew what that was. She said she loved him, but always in a calculating, manipulative way, making him question her motives. There was nothing of the warmth she had once shown him. The emotion that had made him talk to another human being. She was so cold now. He shivered at the image of her face in her mind. So like Kagome's but at the same time, so completely different.
Back among the living
She was dead now. She had died a long time ago, and maybe she shouldn't have. But there wasn't anything he could do about it, no matter how much he so desperately wanted to make up for past wrongs. That was Kagome too, he realized. If it hadn't been for her, he wouldn't have cared who he hurt or why, as long as he got what he wanted. He had wanted Kikyo for a time, but now he wasn't sure if that was anything more than the human in him reaching for anyone who would listen. Kikyo was a great listener . . . even now, as a corpse, there was still some of that grace in the way she moved that had drawn him to her. She had the wide, luminous eyes that seemed to beg him to trust her, to share his secrets with her. Maybe she had been trust worthy all those years ago, but he knew better than to believe the words that feel from her flawless dead lips.
He knew better, but it still took all his will power to break away from her embrace. It was the memory of trusting someone so completely that made him lose himself in her eyes. Kagome's voice always brought him back though. He had lost count of the times he had almost lost all of himself to the woman who had once claimed to love him, but somehow Kagome's voice, whether a scream of terror or the whisper of his name, always seemed to wake him up. He had been pulled back from the gates of hell for that voice.
Aint a cloud in the sky
The night was clear. Stealing another glance at his companion, he allowed his gaze to travel towards the sky, soaking in the pale moonlight. He had trusted Kikyo and that trust had been shattered. Part of him wanted to believe that he hadn't been wrong, that he hadn't been betrayed, and that part of him constantly made him lose himself in a rash act to save her. But he trusted Kagome to, and knew with a certainty he had never felt for Kikyo that she would die rather than hurt him.
It was that fierce loyalty that really shocked him. No matter what he said to hurt her, she'd stayed with him. Every barb he threw at her, every cruel and mocking word, and he was ashamed to say there were many, she still stuck by him, determined to show him that life was worth living.
All my tears have been dried
Though he'd never admit it, she was what made his life worth living. He no longer felt the loneliness that had haunted him all those years bound to the tree. He wasn't tormented by dreams of a false love any longer. She could make him smile, even laugh. And she smiled for him, something he had never seen anyone do . . . ever.
She was so afraid he would choose Kikyo over her. He knew it every time there was a rumor of her, or a mention of her name. With good reason, he had to admit. So far, he didn't have the best track record where the miko was concerned.
But when he actually thought about it, when he stopped letting his mind hope for the life he had thought he would have, when he tried to imagine himself with Kikyo, or without Kagome . . .
And I can finally say
Kikyo was a part of his past. Kagome was his future. He didn't know what would happen when the Shikon no Tama was completed, but he would never go back to Kikyo. He knew that now. Looking down at Kagome's motionless form, he knew without a doubt that he would die before leaving her, even for the love he had once so desperately sought.
It surprised him, really surprised him. If Kikyo were to come up to him right now, even as she once had been, he wouldn't follow her. It would break what was left of his heart, but Kagome would be there to pick up the pieces and mend him with her gentle touch and caring eyes. If he left Kagome, nothing would save him.
Baby baby stay
Stay right where you are
If he could have just one wish, it would be that Kagome could stay in his time forever, regardless of tests and family. If he could have two, it would be that Kikyo would be gone forever, if only so that Kagome would never feel the shadow again. He saw how much it tore her apart to be thought of as a cheap copy. But she was priceless.
I like it this way
It's good for my heart
The life he led now, though different from any he had ever dreamed of, was one he wouldn't trade for for anything. He had everything that mattered in life, even love, if he ever got the courage to admit it to the girl from the future. He had friends, and he knew that Sango and Miroku cared for him more than he would have ever thought possible.
Kagome hadn't just changed him, she had given him everything he had ever wanted in the deepest darkest corners of his heart. The group he was with now was a family, more of a family than any he had ever had.
I haven't felt like this
In God knows how long
And though they weren't his blood relatives, he owed them more of an allegiance than the father who had sired him, or his birth brother. If it ever came down to a choice between the two, there was no question who he would side with. The certainty of his thoughts nearly frightened him. Caring so much about specific people terrified him, causing him to lay up at night and pray to some unknown deity that no harm would befall the people who had taught him to live.
I know everything's gonna be okay
If you just stay gone
As long as Kikyo stayed away, as long as she gave up on him or he got the strength of will to tell her he would never ever be with her, his life would be perfect. Gazing down at Kagome's peaceful face, he could think of one or two things that could maybe make his life better, but he was in no hurry. Just being near her was enough, if he thought for a second she might return his feelings he wasn't sure he could handle his joy.
I still love you
He supposed a part of him still loved Kikyo, in the way that all men loved a shattered dream. It would have been nice if it had worked out, the thought often came to him in a vague anonymous whisper. But it didn't, and he was grateful. He didn't want to hurt her.
And I will forever
He didn't think he would ever want to hurt her. And it wasn't because he saw Kagome as her copy, not even remotely. It would have been like taking a child's wishing star and blotting it from the sky. Kikyo was his wishing star. He had made a wish a long time ago, to love and be loved in return. Though he knew now that he would never spend his life with her, she was still a symbol for his hearts most secret desire.
When he looked at her, he saw part's of Kagome in her. Kagome's mouth, though not as ready to smile. Kagome's eyes, though not as full of life. Kagome's hair, but less soft and inviting. If something happened to her, it would almost be like a part of Kagome died . . . like a copy of Kagome died. It was funny. Kagome so often thought that he saw her as the fake and Kikyo as the original, and maybe he had at first. But now he saw Kagome everywhere, even in the face of the woman he had once claimed to love.
We can't hide the truth
Kikyo saw the way he looked at Kagome. He knew that she burned with a hatred for the miko who had so often thwarted her attempts on his soul. Every time he met her, her eyes strayed to those of her reincarnation's. He didn't know why it bothered him so much, though he prayed Kagome was strong enough to withstand the attacks of the older, harder, woman.
We know each other better
He knew how ruthless Kikyo could be. How she could take your innermost thoughts and twist them, turning them against you until you wanted to scream from the despair and loss that sweeps over you like a wave. He knew first hand how terrified simple little words could make someone feel.
Kikyo was very good with words. And she was very good with secrets. Inuyasha hoped he would never have to find out what memories, what hopes and dreams the dead miko would try to use against her reincarnation. Kagome didn't deserve that kind of pain.
When we try to make it work
We both end up hurt
He had tried to save her. He had done everything in his power to save both Kikyo's life and her soul, but in the end she didn't want to be saved. She wanted revenge, she wanted power, she wanted all the things he had thought she hadn't cared about.
She had been willing to throw away everything for the sake of hate, an emotion he knew only too well.
And it aint supposed to be that way
That wasn't love. What he had felt for her, and what she had claimed to feel for him, had been an emotion to weak to earn any kind of name. All he felt for her now was pity. Somehow he had a feeling she would be less than thrilled to hear it, but he didn't care. More than anything, he wanted her out of his life. He couldn't erase the past, but without her, maybe he had a future.
So baby baby stay
Stay right where you are
I like it this way
It's good for my heart
I haven't felt like this
In God knows how long
I know everything's gonna be okay
If you just stay gone
When we try to make it work
We both end up hurt
Love aint supposed to be that way
So baby baby stay
Stay right where you are
I like it this way
It's good for my heart
I haven't felt like this
In oh, in God knows how long
I know everything's gonna be okay
If you just stay gone
I know everything's gonna be okay
His eyes slowly closed, still focusing on Kagome. A smile crossed his lips as she sighed in her sleep, and he thought just maybe he'd heard her whisper his name before sleep claimed him.
If you just stay gone
***
Yeah, I got kinda tired towards the end, lol, in case ur wondering why it's mostly the lyrics. What do you think? Everytime I hear this song it makes me think of this, so I HAD to get it out of my system! I hope you liked it! I like the idea of one shots and song fics, so if this gets enough reviews, I'll do more!
Oh! And my comp didn't let me update last night, when I wrote it, so today is the day AFTER my birthday, lol.
Rogue Pryde