Haley
All I want is her approval. Someone to say, 'You've finally made it! I'm so proud of you!'. All I need her to tell me is 'Good Job'. Do I always have to be so imperfect. I always have to be the guinea pig in the family. Not only am I the first daughter in the immediate family, but the first grand-daughter too.
She always used to tell me 'You're my right hand woman, Haley. I can't do all the things I do without my right hand.' Yea sure. She is seeming to get along fine without her "right hand". Yea, I used to be her right hand woman. Now I'm not even a woman, not even a lady, if I think about it. I'm a girl. Immature. Moody. Wimp. Can't handle anything that will "hurt my feelings", I let my feelings run rapid. Yep, that's an all-round perfect description of Haley Walker. Baby.
My tear stained cheeks burn from the constant salt water tears pouring out of my eyes. I can't handle anything anymore. I've totally let myself loose. Gone. Neglected. Yes, that's exactly what I am-neglected. No one but Ann knows who I really am. She knows my life looks perfect-big house, Country Club member, cheerful, fun-loving, intelligent, and so on and so forth. I could go on and on of what the mask I wear holds. She knows what my life's like.
If only I could be half of what she is. Happy, smart, devoted, talented. She's my life-line. I don't know what I would do without her. If only I can see her one more day. You see, it's a snow-makeup day, and we have a three day weekend. Most people would be celebrating, but I'm grounded. No phone. For a week. My only way into the outside world is taken from me. An entire week, and an extra day is now added to my misery. Perfect life huh.
When I was younger I believed in magic. I always read books about them. In fact, I just finished reading one called Old Magic, every time I read them I long for it. Magic. My fingers itch to perform some. Magic. But I'm only an ordinary girl. I could never perform magic. I long so badly though to probe into someone's head, feel their emotions, or fly, change the weather, go back in time, or even do little tricks like make the clock run faster. But I'm just a girl. Not a sorceress, witch, whatever you want to call it. I'm average.
I do act. People say I'm good at it. One time I went to Los Angeles and competed with different scripts, how we preformed them. I won third runner-up out of about 600 ladies my age. I guess that proves I have a talent. Ann says I can sing too, but I don't think I can sing very well. I'm off tune, I change keys, and I only sing what I want to sing. I am in chorus, although I don't know why. Ann, Riana, and I tried out for a solo for the 70's concert coming up, and Ann and I are in out first school play. But if I forget to turn in one assignment, I'll have all that taken away. It's happened before. Back in the 4th grade, I lost my focus too many times and Mom made me drop out of chorus, even though I was in their school musical.
I was always getting "off track" at my school work. If Mom only knew how hard I was trying she would understand. She should understand already. I'm so imperfect. Why am I this way?