Chapter 10
The Kuwabara Monitoring System
by lieiavalon2044
Yay! Thank you Windkit, kenshinobsession, miyako, kitsune16 and Shadow Jaganshi for reviewing! I'm sorry this took so long it's just that I've had four billion projects I've had to do (ex. Poster 20 Facts on William Shakespeare, Invent a Creature and Tell us Everything and We Mean Everything About It, Write a Myth, Fill in all the major rivers, lakes, seas, mountains and oceans of the world, and many more I absolutely despised.) and school drains away all my imagination. There's my perfectly honest excuse. Oh, and weekends have been filled with doing projects so... Yeah... Oh, if any of you remember the scene with Hiei explaining he and Rei's relationship and Youko and Liei's to Koenma, that was the morning after they found Youko and Liei together. He delayed a while there, then got frantic because it was 7:30 p.m. and he was supposed to have met Rei. I forgot to insert a day. ^^ Oops... ^^
"I don't believe it..." Kuronue mumbled staring at the stairs as Hiei dragged him down them. The little demon looked at him, looked at the way- back-when design carpeting, which made him gag then looked up.
"What do you not believe? That the carpets look so awful?"
Kuronue nodded no and flicked the fringe of his hat, clenching his pendant tightly in his hand.
"Then what can't you believe?"
"Well, I can't believe that Liei kissed that damn kitsune even when I told her how many affairs he'd had. I also can't believe you have a girlfriend. I can smell her right now. I'm guessing your height or shorter and tom-boyish with a knack for martial arts?"
"Yup. That's Rei Yoruryu pretty much. And the wooden sword. Can't forget that. Oh, and the jagan I gave her earlier."
" Hey Hiei, stop conversing with the enemy. We're supposed to be getting ready to punish him after all." Yusuke called over his shoulder. Kuronue rolled his eyes at the same time as Hiei.
"So basically you wanted to break Liei and Kurama up when you kidnapped her?"
"Hey, I didn't even know I was going to kidnap her. She just walked down the hallway and I smelled kitsune on her, so I thought 'Hey this oughta work' and it just happened. Boom." Kuronue explained.
"Hiei, stop talking to him!" Yusuke said from up front. Hiei stuck his tounge out behing Yusuke's back and let go of Kuronue's shirt, which he'd been dragging him by. He stretched and yawned and then began walking down the stairs next to Hiei.
"So, you were just going to talk to Kurama? Nothing evil at all?"
"Yup. Just a short conversation with him."
"Sounds reasonable."
"Hiei, STOP TALKING TO HIM!!!"
"You know Yusuke, I could go kill Keiko right now if I wanted."
"Oh really Hiei, be nice to him. He could blast your head off if he wanted."
"WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON?! MINE OR HIS?!"
"I'm not on a side. I am simply an outcast little youkai in need of some loving attention."
Yusuke and Hiei stopped and stared at him. He stared back, looking thoroughly confused.
"What? What'd I say?"
"Dude... Are you, well, you know, gay?" Yusuke asked, edging away from him. Hiei was also backing away, and Kuronue still looked confused.
"What... is gay?" he asked innocently.
"URAAAMEEEEEESHIIIIIIII!!!" a loud, stupid voice called from the landing above them. They all looked to see Kuwabara running down the stairs toward them, then stop in midstride when he saw Kuronue.
"Uh, guys, who is the creepy gay-looking guy?"
"HE DOESN'T LOOK GAY! AND OH MY GOD! HE'S GOT POINTY EARS!" Rei squealed, launching herself at Kuronue who let out a sound between a yelp and a squeak as he attempted to jump away in terror, only succeeding in falling backwards down the stairs.
Hiei and the others looked down the stairs and sweatdropped to see that Rei had pinned the helpless Kuronue to the floor and was playing with his pointy ears. Kuwabara then tapped Yusuke's shoulder.
"Hey, Yusuke, earlier I think I saw that other demon thief girl. She was down by the lake and her clothes were all wet. I went down there later and there were two people from my drama class laying there all bruised. They looked like uh... uh... uh..."
He drifted off. He looked like he was thinking hard, but they couldn't tell. Hiei glanced at Yusuke.
"Yusuke, I believe that was the longest sentence he's ever said. Should we record that on your Kuwabara monitoring system?"
"What? What are you talking about?"
"You baka. Remember? The records you're making on your computer to monitor increases in his intelligence?"
"Oh yeah. That thing. I think you're right too, shorty. We'll have to record that. But after you and Kuwabara find the freaky demon girl. I have to go rescue Kuronue." Yusuke said matter-of-factly, pointing down the stairs to where Rei was now attempting to pull off Kuronue's hat while pulling his ears.
Hiei glared at Yusuke, who winced and stepped back.
"What?"
Still staring.
"Whaaaaat?"
Still a silent, creepy, five foot tall, three eyed fire youkai staring evilly.
"WHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT???" Yusuke yelled, stepping back to fall down the stairs, forming a dog-pile on top of Kuronue and Rei, who both protested loudly and let out strange squeaky sounds as the air was forced out through their mouthes, much like a squealing balloon.
Hiei turned, still looking evil, and decided to stop by Rei's apartment to get his sword.
"Where ya goin'?" Kuwabara asked, following Hiei. Hiei didn't answer.
Five seconds later.
"Where ya headin' Hiei?"
Still no reply. Ten seconds later.
"Where ya goin' shorty?"
No reply. No visible reply at least, except for Hiei vanishing. Kuwabara looked around.
"Uh, I guess I'll have to go get the freaky demon thief girl."
Kuwabara smiled, idiotic ideas that would make the school dunce go green with envy of how something could possibly be so stupid. He stood up straight and tall, pulling the many times over repaired headband of love out of his pocket. He tied it tightly around his forehead, and, right in the middle of the hallway where on either side were sleeping people in apartments, declared at the top of his lungs;
" I, KUWABARA THE GREAT, SHALL GO DEFEAT THIS EVIL MONSTER, ALL FOR THE LOVE OF MY DEAR YUKIN- OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!! WHY IN SEVEN #$%&@!* HELLS DID YOU THROW A LAMP AT ME? AND HIT ME?!"
"Because it's 11:55 you moron! LET DECENT PEOPLE GET SOME DECENT SLEEP!" the disgruntled man in boxers yelled before slamming the door.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
(The Following is Brought to You By: *BOTAN SNEAKS INC.! Need something private stolen? We'll take anything you need, and nobody but you will ever know where the heck it went! So chose; Botan's company! The best for all you nosy people out there!* I hired this company to steal Fritos, which in case you don't know, is the tape recorder that Kuwabara is speaking over.)
"12:30 a.m, Kuwabara Monitoring System! I can tell it's here... It's got to be here... My focus now will never be disrupted! Ooh, what's this? A playboy magazine? Sweeeeeeeeet!"
**Crackle of silence, sound of various 'oo's and 'ah's, then a door flying open.**
"KUWABARA! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?! YOU'RE FOUR HOURS PAST YOUR CURFEW!!! WHAT ARE YOU READING?!"
** Crackle of magazine being swiped from Kuwabara's hands by Shizuru, then a loud thud.**
"KUWABARA! HOW DARE YOU LOOK AT DIRTY MAGAZINES LIKE THIS! YOU'LL BE LUCKY IF I DON'T TAKE IKICHI AWAY FROM YOU! NOW IN BED MISTER AND TAKE THAT PATHETIC HEADBAND OFF!!!"
**Sounds of ripping, a long moaned 'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!', then the sound of fabric ripping, then a very loud thud, then silence, excluding a door slamming shut.**
to be continued
I know it's not much, but at least I updated. I didn't edit this much, so I hope it's funny. Don't ask how the hell all this time is passing because I honestly have lost track of how many days have passed. It might be two, or three or four. I don't know. Well, if you read at the beginning, you'll know it may be forver until the next chappie appears, so please try and not kill me! I'm trying as hard as I can here! Complain to my teachers if you want this updated faster! ^^
The Kuwabara Monitoring System
by lieiavalon2044
Yay! Thank you Windkit, kenshinobsession, miyako, kitsune16 and Shadow Jaganshi for reviewing! I'm sorry this took so long it's just that I've had four billion projects I've had to do (ex. Poster 20 Facts on William Shakespeare, Invent a Creature and Tell us Everything and We Mean Everything About It, Write a Myth, Fill in all the major rivers, lakes, seas, mountains and oceans of the world, and many more I absolutely despised.) and school drains away all my imagination. There's my perfectly honest excuse. Oh, and weekends have been filled with doing projects so... Yeah... Oh, if any of you remember the scene with Hiei explaining he and Rei's relationship and Youko and Liei's to Koenma, that was the morning after they found Youko and Liei together. He delayed a while there, then got frantic because it was 7:30 p.m. and he was supposed to have met Rei. I forgot to insert a day. ^^ Oops... ^^
"I don't believe it..." Kuronue mumbled staring at the stairs as Hiei dragged him down them. The little demon looked at him, looked at the way- back-when design carpeting, which made him gag then looked up.
"What do you not believe? That the carpets look so awful?"
Kuronue nodded no and flicked the fringe of his hat, clenching his pendant tightly in his hand.
"Then what can't you believe?"
"Well, I can't believe that Liei kissed that damn kitsune even when I told her how many affairs he'd had. I also can't believe you have a girlfriend. I can smell her right now. I'm guessing your height or shorter and tom-boyish with a knack for martial arts?"
"Yup. That's Rei Yoruryu pretty much. And the wooden sword. Can't forget that. Oh, and the jagan I gave her earlier."
" Hey Hiei, stop conversing with the enemy. We're supposed to be getting ready to punish him after all." Yusuke called over his shoulder. Kuronue rolled his eyes at the same time as Hiei.
"So basically you wanted to break Liei and Kurama up when you kidnapped her?"
"Hey, I didn't even know I was going to kidnap her. She just walked down the hallway and I smelled kitsune on her, so I thought 'Hey this oughta work' and it just happened. Boom." Kuronue explained.
"Hiei, stop talking to him!" Yusuke said from up front. Hiei stuck his tounge out behing Yusuke's back and let go of Kuronue's shirt, which he'd been dragging him by. He stretched and yawned and then began walking down the stairs next to Hiei.
"So, you were just going to talk to Kurama? Nothing evil at all?"
"Yup. Just a short conversation with him."
"Sounds reasonable."
"Hiei, STOP TALKING TO HIM!!!"
"You know Yusuke, I could go kill Keiko right now if I wanted."
"Oh really Hiei, be nice to him. He could blast your head off if he wanted."
"WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON?! MINE OR HIS?!"
"I'm not on a side. I am simply an outcast little youkai in need of some loving attention."
Yusuke and Hiei stopped and stared at him. He stared back, looking thoroughly confused.
"What? What'd I say?"
"Dude... Are you, well, you know, gay?" Yusuke asked, edging away from him. Hiei was also backing away, and Kuronue still looked confused.
"What... is gay?" he asked innocently.
"URAAAMEEEEEESHIIIIIIII!!!" a loud, stupid voice called from the landing above them. They all looked to see Kuwabara running down the stairs toward them, then stop in midstride when he saw Kuronue.
"Uh, guys, who is the creepy gay-looking guy?"
"HE DOESN'T LOOK GAY! AND OH MY GOD! HE'S GOT POINTY EARS!" Rei squealed, launching herself at Kuronue who let out a sound between a yelp and a squeak as he attempted to jump away in terror, only succeeding in falling backwards down the stairs.
Hiei and the others looked down the stairs and sweatdropped to see that Rei had pinned the helpless Kuronue to the floor and was playing with his pointy ears. Kuwabara then tapped Yusuke's shoulder.
"Hey, Yusuke, earlier I think I saw that other demon thief girl. She was down by the lake and her clothes were all wet. I went down there later and there were two people from my drama class laying there all bruised. They looked like uh... uh... uh..."
He drifted off. He looked like he was thinking hard, but they couldn't tell. Hiei glanced at Yusuke.
"Yusuke, I believe that was the longest sentence he's ever said. Should we record that on your Kuwabara monitoring system?"
"What? What are you talking about?"
"You baka. Remember? The records you're making on your computer to monitor increases in his intelligence?"
"Oh yeah. That thing. I think you're right too, shorty. We'll have to record that. But after you and Kuwabara find the freaky demon girl. I have to go rescue Kuronue." Yusuke said matter-of-factly, pointing down the stairs to where Rei was now attempting to pull off Kuronue's hat while pulling his ears.
Hiei glared at Yusuke, who winced and stepped back.
"What?"
Still staring.
"Whaaaaat?"
Still a silent, creepy, five foot tall, three eyed fire youkai staring evilly.
"WHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT???" Yusuke yelled, stepping back to fall down the stairs, forming a dog-pile on top of Kuronue and Rei, who both protested loudly and let out strange squeaky sounds as the air was forced out through their mouthes, much like a squealing balloon.
Hiei turned, still looking evil, and decided to stop by Rei's apartment to get his sword.
"Where ya goin'?" Kuwabara asked, following Hiei. Hiei didn't answer.
Five seconds later.
"Where ya headin' Hiei?"
Still no reply. Ten seconds later.
"Where ya goin' shorty?"
No reply. No visible reply at least, except for Hiei vanishing. Kuwabara looked around.
"Uh, I guess I'll have to go get the freaky demon thief girl."
Kuwabara smiled, idiotic ideas that would make the school dunce go green with envy of how something could possibly be so stupid. He stood up straight and tall, pulling the many times over repaired headband of love out of his pocket. He tied it tightly around his forehead, and, right in the middle of the hallway where on either side were sleeping people in apartments, declared at the top of his lungs;
" I, KUWABARA THE GREAT, SHALL GO DEFEAT THIS EVIL MONSTER, ALL FOR THE LOVE OF MY DEAR YUKIN- OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!! WHY IN SEVEN #$%&@!* HELLS DID YOU THROW A LAMP AT ME? AND HIT ME?!"
"Because it's 11:55 you moron! LET DECENT PEOPLE GET SOME DECENT SLEEP!" the disgruntled man in boxers yelled before slamming the door.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
(The Following is Brought to You By: *BOTAN SNEAKS INC.! Need something private stolen? We'll take anything you need, and nobody but you will ever know where the heck it went! So chose; Botan's company! The best for all you nosy people out there!* I hired this company to steal Fritos, which in case you don't know, is the tape recorder that Kuwabara is speaking over.)
"12:30 a.m, Kuwabara Monitoring System! I can tell it's here... It's got to be here... My focus now will never be disrupted! Ooh, what's this? A playboy magazine? Sweeeeeeeeet!"
**Crackle of silence, sound of various 'oo's and 'ah's, then a door flying open.**
"KUWABARA! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?! YOU'RE FOUR HOURS PAST YOUR CURFEW!!! WHAT ARE YOU READING?!"
** Crackle of magazine being swiped from Kuwabara's hands by Shizuru, then a loud thud.**
"KUWABARA! HOW DARE YOU LOOK AT DIRTY MAGAZINES LIKE THIS! YOU'LL BE LUCKY IF I DON'T TAKE IKICHI AWAY FROM YOU! NOW IN BED MISTER AND TAKE THAT PATHETIC HEADBAND OFF!!!"
**Sounds of ripping, a long moaned 'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!', then the sound of fabric ripping, then a very loud thud, then silence, excluding a door slamming shut.**
to be continued
I know it's not much, but at least I updated. I didn't edit this much, so I hope it's funny. Don't ask how the hell all this time is passing because I honestly have lost track of how many days have passed. It might be two, or three or four. I don't know. Well, if you read at the beginning, you'll know it may be forver until the next chappie appears, so please try and not kill me! I'm trying as hard as I can here! Complain to my teachers if you want this updated faster! ^^