Maria's Story: Being Me
Disclaimer: The Plot and Characters belong to The Sound of Music & 20th Century Fox, However Maria's Thoughts are mine.
Written by: Maria's Georg
Authors Note* Feel free to e-mail me! Part of this is in the film, part of it is a delete scene and part of it I made up. I hope you enjoy it! I like reviews! Let me just say. I know about the spelling and grammar mistakes. I'm sorry but I don't have time to correct all of them. If I don't see them the first time, then they will never be corrected. Sorry but that's the way it is.
Author's Note* I made this part up. LOL just so you know it's not a deleted scene. I felt we need a bit more of a depressed Maria in the film.so this makes up for it.
5 (1 left over for last time) Review Ransom for the next chapter.you get the drill. Thanks again everyone for supporting and reviewing my fanfiction! I LOVE REVIEWS!
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Chapter 20: Sometimes.feelings happen.
I feel the chill of the night air has is surrounds me. My mind focuses on the direction I'm going I'm not used to traveling in the dark. But my recent revelation keeps creeping in my mind I know now is not the time to sort out my feelings. Nonneburg is in sight, I know I'll be safe from my demons once I enter the Abbey. I check the gate, it's locked. Not wanting to wake the sisters I used my secret way of getting in.
Once I've slipped inside I swiftly move through Nonnburg's elaborate hallways, searching for my old room. I finally find the postulant area. It's quiet except for my footsteps everyone's asleep. I finally find my room after about 10 minutes of searching. Opening the door, I shove my guitar under the bed and put my carpetbag on top of my dresser. I collapse on the bed, not bothering to change into my nightgown. I let the tears and feelings finally overcome me.
I wake with dry eyes; light eliminates the small drab room from a tiny window at the back of my room. I wipe the dryness from my eyes and sit up in a daze. A pounding headache had formed while I slept due to my incessant crying. It occurs to me that I haven't told anyone that I had returned. I take off my light coat and leather hat. I decided to let Sister Magaretta know that I was back, if anyone she'd help me. Postulants move slowly through the hallway down to Morning Mass.
I move with the masses to Sister Magaretta's room, which is at the end of the Postulants Hallway. I knock twice, no answer. Something I expected. She's at Morning Mass with the rest of the Sisters. I'll just have to wait for her. I slump to the ground, unpostulant like but I don't care. Life is unfair, and right now I don't care about rules and discipline.
My thoughts travel back to the von Trapps family. I wished I hadn't left those children in such a horrible way. It wasn't there fault for what I had begun to feel. I just couldn't stay and face the Captain not after what the Baroness helped me to figure out. How could I ask God forgiveness at what I had done? I promised my parents and myself that I'd become a Nun and that's just what I intend to do!
I feel a light pressure on my shoulder, which startles me. Forcing my eyes to look up, I couldn't make out the figure looming before me. The light blaring from the windows was making it to bright make out the figure.
"Maria." I knew it was Sister Magaretta, of anyone I knew she would help me.
"I thought Reverend Mother sent you away to be Captain von Trapp's governess?"
"I've decided to come back."
"Does Reverend Mother know you've come back?"
"No."
"Then I shall, go inform Reverend Mother that you have returned."
"No. Don't do that. I just want to be left alone for a little while. Please, Sister Magaretta, I'm fine really I just need to be alone for a time." I tried to plead with her. The emotions I had been feeling, I just need time to sort them out. To explain them. I didn't want the Reverend Mother to see what had happened. That I had become emotionally distraught. And none of this was supposed to happen.
"Very, well. But after a few days I am going to have to tell Reverend Mother you're here."
"Thank you." I spoke softly. Picking myself off of the floor, I moved to my room.
And so for the rest of the week, I was left alone. Alone with my thoughts, my demons, my sins. All alone. In the silence of my room I went over every memory, every feeling. I knew I wasn't supposed to feel that way, but I did. I had to get rid of them, so I prayed I prayed for everything that I had. But every night as I was going to bed, I'd see his smile. I'd feel his touch and I'd cry all over again. I couldn't stop crying, and I couldn't stop feeling the way that I did. I felt disgusted with myself. It seemed to be the most horrible kind of sin. I loved feeling like that, yet I hated it. I had felt wonderful in his presence, and scared to death. I'd never mention this to anyone, I'll simply lock it all away for everyone including myself. I didn't want to feel so torn up inside. I hadn't felt this awful when my parents had passed away. My mission was to become a Nun that's what I was born to become, it's always what I'd always wanted. I'd be happy.
As if on cue of my last thought I hear a soft knock on my door. I sloppily wipe the fallen tears from my eyes and face, checking myself one last time as to not let the visitor to know I had become emotionally distraught. I open the door, to reveal Sister Margarita.
"Maria, the Reverend Mother would like to have a word with you." I simply nod. I knew it was coming. I hadn't spoken since I first arrived, in fact I hadn't even left my room. I need to be alone.
"I'll wait while you change." I nod once more. And watch as Sister Magaretta slips out the door, closing it behind her. I quickly change into a formal habit, and say a quick prayer. Begging God she won't question me about why I had left. I open the door and walk with Sister Magaretta to Reverend Mother's Office.
Disclaimer: The Plot and Characters belong to The Sound of Music & 20th Century Fox, However Maria's Thoughts are mine.
Written by: Maria's Georg
Authors Note* Feel free to e-mail me! Part of this is in the film, part of it is a delete scene and part of it I made up. I hope you enjoy it! I like reviews! Let me just say. I know about the spelling and grammar mistakes. I'm sorry but I don't have time to correct all of them. If I don't see them the first time, then they will never be corrected. Sorry but that's the way it is.
Author's Note* I made this part up. LOL just so you know it's not a deleted scene. I felt we need a bit more of a depressed Maria in the film.so this makes up for it.
5 (1 left over for last time) Review Ransom for the next chapter.you get the drill. Thanks again everyone for supporting and reviewing my fanfiction! I LOVE REVIEWS!
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Chapter 20: Sometimes.feelings happen.
I feel the chill of the night air has is surrounds me. My mind focuses on the direction I'm going I'm not used to traveling in the dark. But my recent revelation keeps creeping in my mind I know now is not the time to sort out my feelings. Nonneburg is in sight, I know I'll be safe from my demons once I enter the Abbey. I check the gate, it's locked. Not wanting to wake the sisters I used my secret way of getting in.
Once I've slipped inside I swiftly move through Nonnburg's elaborate hallways, searching for my old room. I finally find the postulant area. It's quiet except for my footsteps everyone's asleep. I finally find my room after about 10 minutes of searching. Opening the door, I shove my guitar under the bed and put my carpetbag on top of my dresser. I collapse on the bed, not bothering to change into my nightgown. I let the tears and feelings finally overcome me.
I wake with dry eyes; light eliminates the small drab room from a tiny window at the back of my room. I wipe the dryness from my eyes and sit up in a daze. A pounding headache had formed while I slept due to my incessant crying. It occurs to me that I haven't told anyone that I had returned. I take off my light coat and leather hat. I decided to let Sister Magaretta know that I was back, if anyone she'd help me. Postulants move slowly through the hallway down to Morning Mass.
I move with the masses to Sister Magaretta's room, which is at the end of the Postulants Hallway. I knock twice, no answer. Something I expected. She's at Morning Mass with the rest of the Sisters. I'll just have to wait for her. I slump to the ground, unpostulant like but I don't care. Life is unfair, and right now I don't care about rules and discipline.
My thoughts travel back to the von Trapps family. I wished I hadn't left those children in such a horrible way. It wasn't there fault for what I had begun to feel. I just couldn't stay and face the Captain not after what the Baroness helped me to figure out. How could I ask God forgiveness at what I had done? I promised my parents and myself that I'd become a Nun and that's just what I intend to do!
I feel a light pressure on my shoulder, which startles me. Forcing my eyes to look up, I couldn't make out the figure looming before me. The light blaring from the windows was making it to bright make out the figure.
"Maria." I knew it was Sister Magaretta, of anyone I knew she would help me.
"I thought Reverend Mother sent you away to be Captain von Trapp's governess?"
"I've decided to come back."
"Does Reverend Mother know you've come back?"
"No."
"Then I shall, go inform Reverend Mother that you have returned."
"No. Don't do that. I just want to be left alone for a little while. Please, Sister Magaretta, I'm fine really I just need to be alone for a time." I tried to plead with her. The emotions I had been feeling, I just need time to sort them out. To explain them. I didn't want the Reverend Mother to see what had happened. That I had become emotionally distraught. And none of this was supposed to happen.
"Very, well. But after a few days I am going to have to tell Reverend Mother you're here."
"Thank you." I spoke softly. Picking myself off of the floor, I moved to my room.
And so for the rest of the week, I was left alone. Alone with my thoughts, my demons, my sins. All alone. In the silence of my room I went over every memory, every feeling. I knew I wasn't supposed to feel that way, but I did. I had to get rid of them, so I prayed I prayed for everything that I had. But every night as I was going to bed, I'd see his smile. I'd feel his touch and I'd cry all over again. I couldn't stop crying, and I couldn't stop feeling the way that I did. I felt disgusted with myself. It seemed to be the most horrible kind of sin. I loved feeling like that, yet I hated it. I had felt wonderful in his presence, and scared to death. I'd never mention this to anyone, I'll simply lock it all away for everyone including myself. I didn't want to feel so torn up inside. I hadn't felt this awful when my parents had passed away. My mission was to become a Nun that's what I was born to become, it's always what I'd always wanted. I'd be happy.
As if on cue of my last thought I hear a soft knock on my door. I sloppily wipe the fallen tears from my eyes and face, checking myself one last time as to not let the visitor to know I had become emotionally distraught. I open the door, to reveal Sister Margarita.
"Maria, the Reverend Mother would like to have a word with you." I simply nod. I knew it was coming. I hadn't spoken since I first arrived, in fact I hadn't even left my room. I need to be alone.
"I'll wait while you change." I nod once more. And watch as Sister Magaretta slips out the door, closing it behind her. I quickly change into a formal habit, and say a quick prayer. Begging God she won't question me about why I had left. I open the door and walk with Sister Magaretta to Reverend Mother's Office.