Secret Sacrifice
Tegan stared into the water from the docks. The Doctor and Turlough were gone now. Safe. Had she been right not to tell him the dreams had returned? Of course she had. He would want to fix it and "Damn it, I'm not broken," she told herself.
She had been so foolish to even have taken his hand. She wanted to hold on so badly but knew she had to pull away. The Doctor had held on firmly, but she had broken his grasp. And then a brief touch of Turlough's hand so as not to be rude. She had risked so much then, but she would not refuse herself the touch of her friends one last time.
Had they realized she didn't sleep any more. It didn't really matter though, as the voice had begun to speak to her even when she was awake. It had threatened to kill her friends. Many nights since they had visited her grandfather she had awakened to find herself at the coordinates panel of the TARDIS console. A course set for Manussa, years before their last visit there. Tegan knew then, that the Mara was still alive within her and wanting to go back and prevent it's destruction. The Doctor had thwarted it twice. "There will not be a third success," it had hissed in her mind. She always cancelled the coordinate settings and fought it back into her subconscious, only to have it resurface the next night. Sleep was no longer an option. But it found a way to get through. Her only choice was to leave the life she loved so much. And she had to lie. Tell him it wasn't fun anymore, that the death and destruction that she had become so desensitized too had devastated her to the point that she just couldn't go on anymore. The tears though, had been all too real.
A passing boat created ripples in her reflection and for a brief moment she could see herself as the Mara. The reflection spoke.
"You may have trapped me here Tegan, but it will be your prison as well. I'll torment you for the rest of your life."
"I can deal with you, bastard! It's a small price to pay to keep you from becoming real again. And you can't hurt anyone anymore. You can't even hurt me."
"I can feel the hurt you have inside you now Tegan. You loved him, didn't you?"
"Shut up!"
"You can't hide from me Tegan. You can't hide your feelings! I rummage through them all. Twist them, and play."
Tegan suddenly had thoughts of suicide.
"You know I could never let you do that Tegan. No! You'll live. We'll have a happy life together."
She could faintly make out the mark of the snake on her forearm now. She closed her eyes and concentrated, thinking only of a circle of mirrors.
"What are you doing? Stop it!"
The snake design began to fade.
"I suggest you shut your mouth for the time being. I learned quite a bit from the Doctor about shielding my mind and fighting on an astral plane. I know how to deal with you. It might even become fun."
"You can't keep it up forever, Tegan. And the Doctor, somehow he'll realize you loved him and he'll come back for you. You'll get me back to Manussa one way or another."
Tegan tightened the circle in her mind and the voice dissapeared. But not forever, she accepted.
"No, the Doctor is gone now. You can't hurt him. You can only hurt me. And that's a sacrifice I'm willing to make."
Tegan thought of the look on the Doctor's face as she told him goodbye. Maybe what she had told him would make him change his ways. Make him live his life instead of always risking it. But then again, he was the Doctor. She could picture him now, getting into more trouble, and inside desperately wanting to be beside him as he did.
He was her Doctor, knight errant of time and space. The thought was comforting but as she looked back at her reflection it hurt like hell.
Fin.
Tegan stared into the water from the docks. The Doctor and Turlough were gone now. Safe. Had she been right not to tell him the dreams had returned? Of course she had. He would want to fix it and "Damn it, I'm not broken," she told herself.
She had been so foolish to even have taken his hand. She wanted to hold on so badly but knew she had to pull away. The Doctor had held on firmly, but she had broken his grasp. And then a brief touch of Turlough's hand so as not to be rude. She had risked so much then, but she would not refuse herself the touch of her friends one last time.
Had they realized she didn't sleep any more. It didn't really matter though, as the voice had begun to speak to her even when she was awake. It had threatened to kill her friends. Many nights since they had visited her grandfather she had awakened to find herself at the coordinates panel of the TARDIS console. A course set for Manussa, years before their last visit there. Tegan knew then, that the Mara was still alive within her and wanting to go back and prevent it's destruction. The Doctor had thwarted it twice. "There will not be a third success," it had hissed in her mind. She always cancelled the coordinate settings and fought it back into her subconscious, only to have it resurface the next night. Sleep was no longer an option. But it found a way to get through. Her only choice was to leave the life she loved so much. And she had to lie. Tell him it wasn't fun anymore, that the death and destruction that she had become so desensitized too had devastated her to the point that she just couldn't go on anymore. The tears though, had been all too real.
A passing boat created ripples in her reflection and for a brief moment she could see herself as the Mara. The reflection spoke.
"You may have trapped me here Tegan, but it will be your prison as well. I'll torment you for the rest of your life."
"I can deal with you, bastard! It's a small price to pay to keep you from becoming real again. And you can't hurt anyone anymore. You can't even hurt me."
"I can feel the hurt you have inside you now Tegan. You loved him, didn't you?"
"Shut up!"
"You can't hide from me Tegan. You can't hide your feelings! I rummage through them all. Twist them, and play."
Tegan suddenly had thoughts of suicide.
"You know I could never let you do that Tegan. No! You'll live. We'll have a happy life together."
She could faintly make out the mark of the snake on her forearm now. She closed her eyes and concentrated, thinking only of a circle of mirrors.
"What are you doing? Stop it!"
The snake design began to fade.
"I suggest you shut your mouth for the time being. I learned quite a bit from the Doctor about shielding my mind and fighting on an astral plane. I know how to deal with you. It might even become fun."
"You can't keep it up forever, Tegan. And the Doctor, somehow he'll realize you loved him and he'll come back for you. You'll get me back to Manussa one way or another."
Tegan tightened the circle in her mind and the voice dissapeared. But not forever, she accepted.
"No, the Doctor is gone now. You can't hurt him. You can only hurt me. And that's a sacrifice I'm willing to make."
Tegan thought of the look on the Doctor's face as she told him goodbye. Maybe what she had told him would make him change his ways. Make him live his life instead of always risking it. But then again, he was the Doctor. She could picture him now, getting into more trouble, and inside desperately wanting to be beside him as he did.
He was her Doctor, knight errant of time and space. The thought was comforting but as she looked back at her reflection it hurt like hell.
Fin.