~*~*~*~*~
All of this is my new disclaimer. Read it. It's got more plot than the story.
Disclaimer: Yes, I'm back, and though it pains me I must say that Harry P. and Draco baby aren't my sex slaves who I own and make them do wonderfully nasty things to each other.
Nope, not even.
J.K. has them.
She owns them.
*Wonders if she makes them do wonderfully nasty things to each other* Nahhhh. . . This woman has a life unlike the author who has 7 PEOPLE, REAL PEOPLE WHO HAVE HER ON THEIR FAVORITE AUTHORS LIST.
~*~
Yes, it's me. I'm back. As you may have concurred from my above disclaimer 7 whole people, who I don't know, have me on their favorite lists.
(Except, The Beauty of Slash, she's my home girl who I let borrow my AIM account. When you read this I will have changed my password so stop telling people you're me!!! Her name's Chelsea too.)
~*~
MY WONDERFUL ALMOST NON-EXISTENT REVIEWERS
(HINT HINT* God damn it, I was merely trying to hint that you should review, but you always have to make things difficult.)
Mr. Miagi's Banana Factory: I updated, we talked, I'm weird, so are you. Thanks for the support.
Me Me ME: Lily! I thank you for not telling Johnny about the dildo thing. Thanks for reading this crud. I feel special.
Sexybexy: I'm on your favorites! Me! Little ol' me. I read and liked. Please continue with your story.
The Beauty of Slash: Thanks for reviewing you AIM stealer you! *Gets in catfight*
Catgrl52: You're still reading this? Huh, I would have guessed you stop reading this a long time ago. Even the great Chelsea is wrong ever so often.
Okay then, just trying to remember which story I wanted to update, oh yeah this one:
RECAP NOW BITCH!!!
(Sheesh must everyone be so violent!) Before I forget The Beauty of Slash also stole my definition of lemon:
Lemon: A fic with lot's of sex. Mostly Slash. (In my words) A fic stuffed with so much Raunchy sex, even Twinkie's couldn't match the amount of crème in certain holes.
(Mumbles to self) Bitch needs to find someone else's stuff to steal. (Out loud) Love ya Beauty!
~*~
Draco comes busting into the room with the little white stick. "Harry, Harry, you won't believe the news I have!"
"You finally found that limited edition purple three foot long dildo?" Everyone in the room turns there head to look at Harry. He blushes.
"No, I'm still trying to get my hands on that," *Author giggles* "I have the best news! I'm pregnant!"
Harry faints, when Hermione brings him back he's in a suit and top hat, and Lucius Malfoy had his wand to Harry's back.
"No son of mine is going to have a bastard child now get up!" Lucius pulled Harry up to see Draco in a white dress with a long train leading behind him.
"I told you not to go with him, but did you listen, NO."
"Joe, I really don't need this right now." Harry mumbled to himself.
/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/- /-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/
..::Two seconds later::..
"Really, Mr. Malfoy, Draco getting married so young, don't you think that would be looked down upon?" Harry was feeling a bit antsy, but when you have a wizard who just found out his SON is pregnant and that he's been let out of PRISON to be at the wedding, you tend to be nervous.
"Don't try to weasel your way out of this one Potter."
"I take offence to that!" Ron steps out from behind the table were he's stuffing his face with cake and Jambalaya.
(I live in Louisiana; I thought it would be okay to put something Cajun in there. At least he wasn't eating pig feet. Author gags)
"Shut up, NOW WALK POTTER!" Harry was lead to the podium, Lucius, ever vigilant, kept his wand to Harry's back.
As soon as he made it there the Wedding March sounded from Seamus, who was playing it on his bag pipes. Which meant horrible, stomach churning noises, echoed deeply through the halls.
Draco walked slowly to where his father and groom stood. Smiling, half crying as his mother took the wand from Lucius and carried on the Harry watching duties, while Lucius walked Draco down the isle.
Apparently someone had cast a spell on the train of the dress because anyone too close got stuck and was dragged to the podium behind Draco. By the time Draco was to the podium he had Neville, Pansy, Justin F., half the Weasly family, and Professor McGonagall were all thrashing around trying to get free.
Hermione was watching Draco as he struggled up the isle, laughing with sinister glee.
Dumbledore stood in front of the happy couple. Well Draco was happy, Harry on the other hand was still bribing Lucius with money, sex, a combo, or even free rein as Dark Lord once Harry finished off this one, but he didn't budge.
"We are gathered here today to witness the union of two hot men, well technically you're only sixteen, but I think London accepts that age."
Dumbledore ranted for about ten minutes about how in his day the husband was forced to lick every crevice of the bride's body after she had not taken a bath or wiped in two weeks.
"Yeah, those were the good old days, right GG?" Dumbledore turns to McGonagall who has freed herself from the dress and is standing on Harry's side. He gives her a good whack on the bum, "Though we didn't get married to do that," He winks and wiggles his eyebrows suggestively.
"That was way too much information!" Most of school ran to their prospective trash cans and tossed their cookies, spewed, vomited, chunked their monkeys, let out the half eaten food wave, etc. . .
"Alright now that we're back from the trash cans our lovely author has given us let's get this wedding started!" (Hold on I'm thirsty. *Leaves to get a Coke* I'm back.)
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Draco: What the hell was that all about? I'm getting MARRIED and you're off getting a Coke at a time like this!?!?
Me: *Puts on big glazed puppy eyes and speaks like a two-year-old* I was thirsty.
Harry: Just put us back, you know the people hate when you do this.
Me: DO I LOOK LIKE I CARE? I LIKE MY A/N'S EVEN THOUGH I DIDN'T HAVE A LOT THIS CHAPTER. I LIKE MY ALONE TIME WITH YOU GUYS. I LIKE CALLING SNAPE, SNAPIE POOH OR SNAPIE DEAREST. Hold up, I got a new chapter alert.
Draco: How do you even finish these chapters? You're always reading a story while you're doing it and you always get alerts because god knows how many people you've got on that thing.
Me: I like those stories. *pouts again* oh well let me get back to the point before rabid reviews flame me alive.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Do you Harry, take Draco, to have and to shag? In perversion and in all his kinkiness until you croak and he gets all your cash?"
Lucius poked his wand to Harry's back (-_-) harder and Harry screamed to himself hoping I would hear.
"There's got to be a plot hole here! There has to be. This is a fic, no one gives the detail of the marriage. For all that is holy take pity on my soul and my pocket book. You know Draco's going to buy everything in the store as soon as he changes the names on my personal checks!"
~*~*~
"We were talking earlier, you got yourself into this," Big Juicie makes his/her return! "Remember this:"
(Wiggly flashback lines are seen.)
Draco: "If you kill her who will chase after Harry, and become so obsessive that he turns to me to save him. I humiliate him, but all the while I fall for him and he falls for me also, so in the end we confess our love to each other. Damn I just described a Draco/Hermione fluff fic didn't I?"
Me: "Don't worry about it. I shall find another way to spite her!" *Twirls hair with heavenly finger* (Heavenly finger? Eww. Ignore that for me please.)
Draco: "Thanks!" *Cuddles Harry closer*
Harry: *Sticks tongue out*
The Author: *Gives him the finger*
Harry: *Mouths 'Oh yeah that's original'*
The Author: *Glares*
~*~*~
"Wait a minute I never did that! She copy and pasted that from her other story!"
Me: So it was still you.
"I'm screwed," Harry returns from talking with me and Big Juicie in La La Land and shakily answers, "I do."
"And do you Draco; take Harry to be your personal sex toy and/or checkbook? To have and to stroke under the table when you think no one's looking but really I am. To cherish in sickness or in health, until a messy and painful death to you part?"
Dumbledore was scratching his left leg with his right, and moving around uncomfortably. "Oh hurry up Malfoy, I gotta piss!" He jumped from leg to leg doing the pee pee dance.
"I do!"
"Great, I now pronounce you Husband and umm. . . Fuck Buddy, you may kiss the Fuck Buddy!" Dumbledore ran for the old fogies' room while everyone else awe's at the kissing couple.
"So Harry dearest, where are going for our honeymoon?"
Harry's eye was twitching. He was married, he was sixteen, and he was going to be a father. What else could go wrong?!?!
Somewhere in the distance a cackle is heard which turns in to maniacal laughter, now booming through the halls. Oh, you ain't seen nothin' yet!
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
REVIEW!!! REVIEW!!! GIVE ME IDEAS, DO SOMETHING DON'T JUST READ AND LEAVE TO GO READ SOME OTHER CRAP!
Like it? Then review. Hate it? Then review. Thought it was okay then review. Don't want to review? Then review!
~Renny~
All of this is my new disclaimer. Read it. It's got more plot than the story.
Disclaimer: Yes, I'm back, and though it pains me I must say that Harry P. and Draco baby aren't my sex slaves who I own and make them do wonderfully nasty things to each other.
Nope, not even.
J.K. has them.
She owns them.
*Wonders if she makes them do wonderfully nasty things to each other* Nahhhh. . . This woman has a life unlike the author who has 7 PEOPLE, REAL PEOPLE WHO HAVE HER ON THEIR FAVORITE AUTHORS LIST.
~*~
Yes, it's me. I'm back. As you may have concurred from my above disclaimer 7 whole people, who I don't know, have me on their favorite lists.
(Except, The Beauty of Slash, she's my home girl who I let borrow my AIM account. When you read this I will have changed my password so stop telling people you're me!!! Her name's Chelsea too.)
~*~
MY WONDERFUL ALMOST NON-EXISTENT REVIEWERS
(HINT HINT* God damn it, I was merely trying to hint that you should review, but you always have to make things difficult.)
Mr. Miagi's Banana Factory: I updated, we talked, I'm weird, so are you. Thanks for the support.
Me Me ME: Lily! I thank you for not telling Johnny about the dildo thing. Thanks for reading this crud. I feel special.
Sexybexy: I'm on your favorites! Me! Little ol' me. I read and liked. Please continue with your story.
The Beauty of Slash: Thanks for reviewing you AIM stealer you! *Gets in catfight*
Catgrl52: You're still reading this? Huh, I would have guessed you stop reading this a long time ago. Even the great Chelsea is wrong ever so often.
Okay then, just trying to remember which story I wanted to update, oh yeah this one:
RECAP NOW BITCH!!!
(Sheesh must everyone be so violent!) Before I forget The Beauty of Slash also stole my definition of lemon:
Lemon: A fic with lot's of sex. Mostly Slash. (In my words) A fic stuffed with so much Raunchy sex, even Twinkie's couldn't match the amount of crème in certain holes.
(Mumbles to self) Bitch needs to find someone else's stuff to steal. (Out loud) Love ya Beauty!
~*~
Draco comes busting into the room with the little white stick. "Harry, Harry, you won't believe the news I have!"
"You finally found that limited edition purple three foot long dildo?" Everyone in the room turns there head to look at Harry. He blushes.
"No, I'm still trying to get my hands on that," *Author giggles* "I have the best news! I'm pregnant!"
Harry faints, when Hermione brings him back he's in a suit and top hat, and Lucius Malfoy had his wand to Harry's back.
"No son of mine is going to have a bastard child now get up!" Lucius pulled Harry up to see Draco in a white dress with a long train leading behind him.
"I told you not to go with him, but did you listen, NO."
"Joe, I really don't need this right now." Harry mumbled to himself.
/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/- /-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/
..::Two seconds later::..
"Really, Mr. Malfoy, Draco getting married so young, don't you think that would be looked down upon?" Harry was feeling a bit antsy, but when you have a wizard who just found out his SON is pregnant and that he's been let out of PRISON to be at the wedding, you tend to be nervous.
"Don't try to weasel your way out of this one Potter."
"I take offence to that!" Ron steps out from behind the table were he's stuffing his face with cake and Jambalaya.
(I live in Louisiana; I thought it would be okay to put something Cajun in there. At least he wasn't eating pig feet. Author gags)
"Shut up, NOW WALK POTTER!" Harry was lead to the podium, Lucius, ever vigilant, kept his wand to Harry's back.
As soon as he made it there the Wedding March sounded from Seamus, who was playing it on his bag pipes. Which meant horrible, stomach churning noises, echoed deeply through the halls.
Draco walked slowly to where his father and groom stood. Smiling, half crying as his mother took the wand from Lucius and carried on the Harry watching duties, while Lucius walked Draco down the isle.
Apparently someone had cast a spell on the train of the dress because anyone too close got stuck and was dragged to the podium behind Draco. By the time Draco was to the podium he had Neville, Pansy, Justin F., half the Weasly family, and Professor McGonagall were all thrashing around trying to get free.
Hermione was watching Draco as he struggled up the isle, laughing with sinister glee.
Dumbledore stood in front of the happy couple. Well Draco was happy, Harry on the other hand was still bribing Lucius with money, sex, a combo, or even free rein as Dark Lord once Harry finished off this one, but he didn't budge.
"We are gathered here today to witness the union of two hot men, well technically you're only sixteen, but I think London accepts that age."
Dumbledore ranted for about ten minutes about how in his day the husband was forced to lick every crevice of the bride's body after she had not taken a bath or wiped in two weeks.
"Yeah, those were the good old days, right GG?" Dumbledore turns to McGonagall who has freed herself from the dress and is standing on Harry's side. He gives her a good whack on the bum, "Though we didn't get married to do that," He winks and wiggles his eyebrows suggestively.
"That was way too much information!" Most of school ran to their prospective trash cans and tossed their cookies, spewed, vomited, chunked their monkeys, let out the half eaten food wave, etc. . .
"Alright now that we're back from the trash cans our lovely author has given us let's get this wedding started!" (Hold on I'm thirsty. *Leaves to get a Coke* I'm back.)
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Draco: What the hell was that all about? I'm getting MARRIED and you're off getting a Coke at a time like this!?!?
Me: *Puts on big glazed puppy eyes and speaks like a two-year-old* I was thirsty.
Harry: Just put us back, you know the people hate when you do this.
Me: DO I LOOK LIKE I CARE? I LIKE MY A/N'S EVEN THOUGH I DIDN'T HAVE A LOT THIS CHAPTER. I LIKE MY ALONE TIME WITH YOU GUYS. I LIKE CALLING SNAPE, SNAPIE POOH OR SNAPIE DEAREST. Hold up, I got a new chapter alert.
Draco: How do you even finish these chapters? You're always reading a story while you're doing it and you always get alerts because god knows how many people you've got on that thing.
Me: I like those stories. *pouts again* oh well let me get back to the point before rabid reviews flame me alive.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Do you Harry, take Draco, to have and to shag? In perversion and in all his kinkiness until you croak and he gets all your cash?"
Lucius poked his wand to Harry's back (-_-) harder and Harry screamed to himself hoping I would hear.
"There's got to be a plot hole here! There has to be. This is a fic, no one gives the detail of the marriage. For all that is holy take pity on my soul and my pocket book. You know Draco's going to buy everything in the store as soon as he changes the names on my personal checks!"
~*~*~
"We were talking earlier, you got yourself into this," Big Juicie makes his/her return! "Remember this:"
(Wiggly flashback lines are seen.)
Draco: "If you kill her who will chase after Harry, and become so obsessive that he turns to me to save him. I humiliate him, but all the while I fall for him and he falls for me also, so in the end we confess our love to each other. Damn I just described a Draco/Hermione fluff fic didn't I?"
Me: "Don't worry about it. I shall find another way to spite her!" *Twirls hair with heavenly finger* (Heavenly finger? Eww. Ignore that for me please.)
Draco: "Thanks!" *Cuddles Harry closer*
Harry: *Sticks tongue out*
The Author: *Gives him the finger*
Harry: *Mouths 'Oh yeah that's original'*
The Author: *Glares*
~*~*~
"Wait a minute I never did that! She copy and pasted that from her other story!"
Me: So it was still you.
"I'm screwed," Harry returns from talking with me and Big Juicie in La La Land and shakily answers, "I do."
"And do you Draco; take Harry to be your personal sex toy and/or checkbook? To have and to stroke under the table when you think no one's looking but really I am. To cherish in sickness or in health, until a messy and painful death to you part?"
Dumbledore was scratching his left leg with his right, and moving around uncomfortably. "Oh hurry up Malfoy, I gotta piss!" He jumped from leg to leg doing the pee pee dance.
"I do!"
"Great, I now pronounce you Husband and umm. . . Fuck Buddy, you may kiss the Fuck Buddy!" Dumbledore ran for the old fogies' room while everyone else awe's at the kissing couple.
"So Harry dearest, where are going for our honeymoon?"
Harry's eye was twitching. He was married, he was sixteen, and he was going to be a father. What else could go wrong?!?!
Somewhere in the distance a cackle is heard which turns in to maniacal laughter, now booming through the halls. Oh, you ain't seen nothin' yet!
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
REVIEW!!! REVIEW!!! GIVE ME IDEAS, DO SOMETHING DON'T JUST READ AND LEAVE TO GO READ SOME OTHER CRAP!
Like it? Then review. Hate it? Then review. Thought it was okay then review. Don't want to review? Then review!
~Renny~