This chapter is dedicated to White-wolf2, probably my most faithful reviewer.
Chapter 9- Secret Powers
Nynaeve was afraid. She had not realized the cleansing would have this effect on her. At first she had tried to ignore it, but it fought forward, and now she was having trouble controlling it. She had to find Rand, but he was somewhere in the city. He was the only one who could help her.
*Where is he.* She exasperatedly left the twenty-seventh inn she had checked. No one seemed to know where Rand was. *I should just go back to the Tower and have Egwene summon him.*
Sighing, she started back. She would still have to wait, and that wouldn't help. Her mirror had shattered that morning, and she had to be extra careful not to step on any shards. She had not wanted to clean it up before she knew why it happened. When she had figured out why her mirror had broken so easily, she hurriedly used saidar to repair the mirror. She had dressed even more hurriedly and run out to find Rand. She was frustrated to learn that he had gone into the city, for who knew how long.
A hand steadied her before she fell over. "Rand! Where have you been?"
"I was visiting Loial. We were trying to work out a way to get outside the walls and not- what's wrong?"
Nynaeve took a deep breath before deciding how to say this. "I need your help, Rand."
Nynaeve rarely asked for help on her own. She wanted to make it clear that she had something serious on her hands. "What is it, Nynaeve?"
"It's saidin."
"What?"
"I- I don't know exactly. I think there are still traces of saidin left from the cleansing. It keeps welling up inside me- for a moment only- but I can't control it. It shattered my mirror this morning. That was when I figured out what had happened. I don't want anything more dangerous to happen. I need- I need to either learn how to control it, or get rid of it."
Rand thought. "I don't know if you *can* get rid of it. But I do think you could learn to control it. After you cleansing saidin, I think you can do almost anything."
Nynaeve smiled. "I need you to teach me. I don't know anyone *else* who can channel saidin."
"We should go to a safe place to do this. Touching saidin when you cannot control it can be very dangerous. We need to go somewhere away from people."
"Are you suggesting we go-"
"No, I mean the room where they kept me when- you know…"
Rand must be quite willing to help her if he was willing to go back there for her. She smiled at him. "Thank you." They headed to the White Tower, then down into the thick-walled stone cell.
"You should probably sit down," Rand said, gesturing to a spot on the floor a few feet from where he sat. Nynaeve sat across from him. "Okay. Just…try to go along with me. I've never taught anyone before…well, I have, but I've never taught a *woman* to touch *saidin*. Close your eyes first. Try to feel it inside you. Remember, I'm right here. If it gets out of hand, I'll pull you back."
Nynaeve nodded. She could feel her heart pounding harder by the second, but she shut her eyes forcefully. She concentrated on saidin, searching the same way she used to search for saidar. The problem this time was not a block. If it was, she would not have been able to find it so easily.
The problem was, finding it was the easy part. "Relax," she heard Rand's voice say. "I can tell you feel it there." She tried her best to loosen her muscles. Saidin was right there for her to use, but she did not know how. She could only follow Rand's instructions as he continued to give them.
"Dip into saidin, find your balance. Now, you feel yourself teetering on the edge of the razor blade it feels like you're standing on. You need to balance." Nynaeve did feel like she was standing on a razor blade, and she was not steady. "Balance, Nynaeve." She held her arms out to regain her footing. In a few minutes, she was fairly balanced.
"Hold onto saidin, and let it go until you're holding only a thin stream." She did as she was told. It was like holding onto a thread. She brought herself back to listen to Rand. "Now. Hold onto that stream. Don't lose it. No matter what else you do, it is important that you always hold on to that stream. Keep it exactly the same size. Now, you will find this next part difficult, but you will have to do it. Remember, hold on to the stream. Do not let it go no matter what else you feel, or what else you are doing."
Nynaeve gave a slight nod. It was all she could manage. She heard Rand sigh deeply. "All right. From now until we are finished, I need you to listen to me carefully, and do exactly what I tell you."
There was a silence for a few moments, and Nynaeve waited tensely, keeping a grip on the thread of saidin. At Rand's next instruction, she almost lost it.
"You have your balance now. You are just above the rushing current of saidin. When I tell you, dive in." He must have seen her expression change. "Do not question it. Just hold the stream, and dive into saidin's torrent."
Nynaeve was frightened beyond reason. This was probably a good thing- otherwise she might not have found the strength to let go. With reason out of the way, the only thing she had to hold on to was the thread, and Rand. She trusted Rand. She strengthened her resolve and dove in.
She gasped as she was caught in the rushing current and swept away. "Let it carry you for now. Make sure you have the little bit you were holding." To Nynaeve's surprise, she could still feel it. She had thought that with so much of saidin around her, she would not be able to feel such a small amount separately. She tightened her hold on it.
Nynaeve was helpless, but she did not know what to do. She waited. "Stay calm. You can't do anything yet." He did not give her any more instructions, but he seemed amused as he spoke his next words. "Saidin and saidar are like rivers, flowing into the True Source, which is like the ocean. Combine them, and you have something more powerful than either could be on its own. No one has ever seen what a person controlling both can do, until you cleansed saidin."
Was he hinting at something? She thought so, but she did not find out, because he continued to instruct her. "You have felt saidin around you. The stream you were holding has been isolated from the rest, but it will touch it now. Let the stream expand when it does." She felt more power within her. Her eyes were closed, physically, but she could see saidin as a river. The power grew and grew. She thought she would burst trying to hold it all in.
"You are holding the whole river, you can wield its power. Don't let it carry you away now. Stay in it, but in one place." Nynaeve attempted stopping herself, and did it with ease. "Now, you have control. Calm the torrent. Make it gentle like saidar." Nynaeve did. She could feel the pressure ease. "Open your eyes."
Rand's face was the first thing she saw. She tried one of the exercises novices did. She made a few tiny balls of light and made them chase each other above her hand. Relieved and ecstatic, she threw herself at Rand, wrapping her arms around his neck. "Oh, Rand, thank you!"
She heard him cough slightly, covering a laugh, and he hugged her back. "You are welcome, Nynaeve. I'm glad I could help."
Realizing how foolish she was acting, like a little girl, she pulled herself away and stood. She cleared her throat gently. She tried to reach for saidin again, only to find that she could not touch it. At first she panicked, but then she realized why.
Groaning, she put her face in her hands for a second. "What is it?" Rand asked.
"I think the block applies for saidin, too!" she exclaimed.
Rand's face twisted, as though hiding a laugh. She pushed him back and stomped from the room, knowing she was being even more foolish now. Sighing, she regained her dignity and returned to her room.
"Should I tell Egwene?" she wondered allowed.
"Tell me what?" Egwene asked as she entered.
"What are you doing outside your office?" Nynaeve asked sarcastically.
"Very funny. Tell me what?"
"Oh. Well…Rand was just helping me with something."
"With what?"
"To control saidin."
"WHAT?!!"
Nynaeve studied Egwene's face. She had sounded angry, or upset, but she was really just taken aback by the statement. Nynaeve explained what had been happening, and how Rand had helped her to control it. "You see, I had to learn. Someone could have been hurt."
"Yes. It is a good thing, I suppose. But I'm worried for you."
"Why?" Egwene stared uncomfortably at the floor. "You mean the taint, don't you? Why don't you believe me and Rand when we tell you it's gone? You really doubt me that much?"
"No, it's just- ah. You don't know, Nynaeve, there could be something left, something that is undetectable. There could be…"
"Egwene, listen to me. You don't know, you've never touched it. I touched it when the taint was there. It was disgusting, revolting, it made me want to be sick, but I held it back because I was trying to help Rand. I think that was the most exhausting part. No, listen. I just touched it again, for I don't know how long. Light, I was submerged in it. Comparing it with the first time, it's almost unbelievable. It's clean. Now I know why Rand is so thankful. There is nothing of the taint there. Trust me on this."
Egwene still seemed to doubt, but she nodded. "All right. But I still think you should be careful. If there is any sign of-"
"You do worry excessively, don't you?" Nynaeve teased.
"Yes, she does," Elayne said as she came in.
"Why does that keep happening?" Nynaeve wondered. Elayne smiled at her.
"I hear you've met my brother," Elayne commented.
"Yes. He seems like a great man," Nynaeve said, smiling. Looking at Egwene, Elayne rolled her eyes. Nynaeve followed her gaze and saw the look on the Amyrlin's face. Her eyes were dreamily glazing over. Giggling slightly, Nynaeve poked Egwene.
Egwene shook herself and stood. "I should be getting back. I think I came here to…oh, yes. Faolain was looking for you earlier. She said she might have found a way to get rid of your block, and wants to test it. When she could not find you, she left the Tower to look for you. I don't know if she has returned yet. Elayne, are you coming?"
The two women left Nynaeve alone in her room. By herself, Nynaeve had to restrain herself from looking out the window for Lan. She had to leave the Tower for a while. A nice walk would do her good.
As soon as Nynaeve had left, she felt better. Perhaps better was not the right word. What could she say…calmer. Yes. More was happening out in the busy streets than in the Tower, but she did not bear so much strain. Everyone she passed could tell she was Aes Sedai, but as this was Tar Valon, none of them seemed to care. Some looked at her with awe, while others did not look at her at all. She smiled to herself.
Everything went perfectly until she decided to stroll up on the walls. She peered sadly at the land outside of Tar Valon. It was just- dead. Before she had time to properly mourn, she saw a lone figure come stumbling forward. He fell to the ground almost a mile from the walls, but she recognized him anyway, and knew who it was.
It was Perrin Aybarra.
End Chapter 9
Haha! I feel evil!
My favorite thing about this story is that I only need one review per chapter before I feel inspired to write the next chapter. That one review means so much to me, it's almost like I'm writing this chapter for that person! Thank you to everyone who has ever reviewed this story, I love you!
Chapter 9- Secret Powers
Nynaeve was afraid. She had not realized the cleansing would have this effect on her. At first she had tried to ignore it, but it fought forward, and now she was having trouble controlling it. She had to find Rand, but he was somewhere in the city. He was the only one who could help her.
*Where is he.* She exasperatedly left the twenty-seventh inn she had checked. No one seemed to know where Rand was. *I should just go back to the Tower and have Egwene summon him.*
Sighing, she started back. She would still have to wait, and that wouldn't help. Her mirror had shattered that morning, and she had to be extra careful not to step on any shards. She had not wanted to clean it up before she knew why it happened. When she had figured out why her mirror had broken so easily, she hurriedly used saidar to repair the mirror. She had dressed even more hurriedly and run out to find Rand. She was frustrated to learn that he had gone into the city, for who knew how long.
A hand steadied her before she fell over. "Rand! Where have you been?"
"I was visiting Loial. We were trying to work out a way to get outside the walls and not- what's wrong?"
Nynaeve took a deep breath before deciding how to say this. "I need your help, Rand."
Nynaeve rarely asked for help on her own. She wanted to make it clear that she had something serious on her hands. "What is it, Nynaeve?"
"It's saidin."
"What?"
"I- I don't know exactly. I think there are still traces of saidin left from the cleansing. It keeps welling up inside me- for a moment only- but I can't control it. It shattered my mirror this morning. That was when I figured out what had happened. I don't want anything more dangerous to happen. I need- I need to either learn how to control it, or get rid of it."
Rand thought. "I don't know if you *can* get rid of it. But I do think you could learn to control it. After you cleansing saidin, I think you can do almost anything."
Nynaeve smiled. "I need you to teach me. I don't know anyone *else* who can channel saidin."
"We should go to a safe place to do this. Touching saidin when you cannot control it can be very dangerous. We need to go somewhere away from people."
"Are you suggesting we go-"
"No, I mean the room where they kept me when- you know…"
Rand must be quite willing to help her if he was willing to go back there for her. She smiled at him. "Thank you." They headed to the White Tower, then down into the thick-walled stone cell.
"You should probably sit down," Rand said, gesturing to a spot on the floor a few feet from where he sat. Nynaeve sat across from him. "Okay. Just…try to go along with me. I've never taught anyone before…well, I have, but I've never taught a *woman* to touch *saidin*. Close your eyes first. Try to feel it inside you. Remember, I'm right here. If it gets out of hand, I'll pull you back."
Nynaeve nodded. She could feel her heart pounding harder by the second, but she shut her eyes forcefully. She concentrated on saidin, searching the same way she used to search for saidar. The problem this time was not a block. If it was, she would not have been able to find it so easily.
The problem was, finding it was the easy part. "Relax," she heard Rand's voice say. "I can tell you feel it there." She tried her best to loosen her muscles. Saidin was right there for her to use, but she did not know how. She could only follow Rand's instructions as he continued to give them.
"Dip into saidin, find your balance. Now, you feel yourself teetering on the edge of the razor blade it feels like you're standing on. You need to balance." Nynaeve did feel like she was standing on a razor blade, and she was not steady. "Balance, Nynaeve." She held her arms out to regain her footing. In a few minutes, she was fairly balanced.
"Hold onto saidin, and let it go until you're holding only a thin stream." She did as she was told. It was like holding onto a thread. She brought herself back to listen to Rand. "Now. Hold onto that stream. Don't lose it. No matter what else you do, it is important that you always hold on to that stream. Keep it exactly the same size. Now, you will find this next part difficult, but you will have to do it. Remember, hold on to the stream. Do not let it go no matter what else you feel, or what else you are doing."
Nynaeve gave a slight nod. It was all she could manage. She heard Rand sigh deeply. "All right. From now until we are finished, I need you to listen to me carefully, and do exactly what I tell you."
There was a silence for a few moments, and Nynaeve waited tensely, keeping a grip on the thread of saidin. At Rand's next instruction, she almost lost it.
"You have your balance now. You are just above the rushing current of saidin. When I tell you, dive in." He must have seen her expression change. "Do not question it. Just hold the stream, and dive into saidin's torrent."
Nynaeve was frightened beyond reason. This was probably a good thing- otherwise she might not have found the strength to let go. With reason out of the way, the only thing she had to hold on to was the thread, and Rand. She trusted Rand. She strengthened her resolve and dove in.
She gasped as she was caught in the rushing current and swept away. "Let it carry you for now. Make sure you have the little bit you were holding." To Nynaeve's surprise, she could still feel it. She had thought that with so much of saidin around her, she would not be able to feel such a small amount separately. She tightened her hold on it.
Nynaeve was helpless, but she did not know what to do. She waited. "Stay calm. You can't do anything yet." He did not give her any more instructions, but he seemed amused as he spoke his next words. "Saidin and saidar are like rivers, flowing into the True Source, which is like the ocean. Combine them, and you have something more powerful than either could be on its own. No one has ever seen what a person controlling both can do, until you cleansed saidin."
Was he hinting at something? She thought so, but she did not find out, because he continued to instruct her. "You have felt saidin around you. The stream you were holding has been isolated from the rest, but it will touch it now. Let the stream expand when it does." She felt more power within her. Her eyes were closed, physically, but she could see saidin as a river. The power grew and grew. She thought she would burst trying to hold it all in.
"You are holding the whole river, you can wield its power. Don't let it carry you away now. Stay in it, but in one place." Nynaeve attempted stopping herself, and did it with ease. "Now, you have control. Calm the torrent. Make it gentle like saidar." Nynaeve did. She could feel the pressure ease. "Open your eyes."
Rand's face was the first thing she saw. She tried one of the exercises novices did. She made a few tiny balls of light and made them chase each other above her hand. Relieved and ecstatic, she threw herself at Rand, wrapping her arms around his neck. "Oh, Rand, thank you!"
She heard him cough slightly, covering a laugh, and he hugged her back. "You are welcome, Nynaeve. I'm glad I could help."
Realizing how foolish she was acting, like a little girl, she pulled herself away and stood. She cleared her throat gently. She tried to reach for saidin again, only to find that she could not touch it. At first she panicked, but then she realized why.
Groaning, she put her face in her hands for a second. "What is it?" Rand asked.
"I think the block applies for saidin, too!" she exclaimed.
Rand's face twisted, as though hiding a laugh. She pushed him back and stomped from the room, knowing she was being even more foolish now. Sighing, she regained her dignity and returned to her room.
"Should I tell Egwene?" she wondered allowed.
"Tell me what?" Egwene asked as she entered.
"What are you doing outside your office?" Nynaeve asked sarcastically.
"Very funny. Tell me what?"
"Oh. Well…Rand was just helping me with something."
"With what?"
"To control saidin."
"WHAT?!!"
Nynaeve studied Egwene's face. She had sounded angry, or upset, but she was really just taken aback by the statement. Nynaeve explained what had been happening, and how Rand had helped her to control it. "You see, I had to learn. Someone could have been hurt."
"Yes. It is a good thing, I suppose. But I'm worried for you."
"Why?" Egwene stared uncomfortably at the floor. "You mean the taint, don't you? Why don't you believe me and Rand when we tell you it's gone? You really doubt me that much?"
"No, it's just- ah. You don't know, Nynaeve, there could be something left, something that is undetectable. There could be…"
"Egwene, listen to me. You don't know, you've never touched it. I touched it when the taint was there. It was disgusting, revolting, it made me want to be sick, but I held it back because I was trying to help Rand. I think that was the most exhausting part. No, listen. I just touched it again, for I don't know how long. Light, I was submerged in it. Comparing it with the first time, it's almost unbelievable. It's clean. Now I know why Rand is so thankful. There is nothing of the taint there. Trust me on this."
Egwene still seemed to doubt, but she nodded. "All right. But I still think you should be careful. If there is any sign of-"
"You do worry excessively, don't you?" Nynaeve teased.
"Yes, she does," Elayne said as she came in.
"Why does that keep happening?" Nynaeve wondered. Elayne smiled at her.
"I hear you've met my brother," Elayne commented.
"Yes. He seems like a great man," Nynaeve said, smiling. Looking at Egwene, Elayne rolled her eyes. Nynaeve followed her gaze and saw the look on the Amyrlin's face. Her eyes were dreamily glazing over. Giggling slightly, Nynaeve poked Egwene.
Egwene shook herself and stood. "I should be getting back. I think I came here to…oh, yes. Faolain was looking for you earlier. She said she might have found a way to get rid of your block, and wants to test it. When she could not find you, she left the Tower to look for you. I don't know if she has returned yet. Elayne, are you coming?"
The two women left Nynaeve alone in her room. By herself, Nynaeve had to restrain herself from looking out the window for Lan. She had to leave the Tower for a while. A nice walk would do her good.
As soon as Nynaeve had left, she felt better. Perhaps better was not the right word. What could she say…calmer. Yes. More was happening out in the busy streets than in the Tower, but she did not bear so much strain. Everyone she passed could tell she was Aes Sedai, but as this was Tar Valon, none of them seemed to care. Some looked at her with awe, while others did not look at her at all. She smiled to herself.
Everything went perfectly until she decided to stroll up on the walls. She peered sadly at the land outside of Tar Valon. It was just- dead. Before she had time to properly mourn, she saw a lone figure come stumbling forward. He fell to the ground almost a mile from the walls, but she recognized him anyway, and knew who it was.
It was Perrin Aybarra.
End Chapter 9
Haha! I feel evil!
My favorite thing about this story is that I only need one review per chapter before I feel inspired to write the next chapter. That one review means so much to me, it's almost like I'm writing this chapter for that person! Thank you to everyone who has ever reviewed this story, I love you!