Disclaimer: I don't own Higher Ground, or any of the characters or features from the original series.
Author's Note: I'm sorry it's been so long. As you will see this is a really long chapter, so I won't disappoint. So, prep yourselves for quite a ride. It'll have quite a bit of sadness. I'm going over and beyond my normal levels of sappiness. Here goes nothing! (It won't be that bad! LOL)
Oh, and I'd like to give a big shout out to Emma. Thanks for pushing me! This wouldn't have gotten finished so fast if you hadn't! And everyone should thank her for the D&D fluff. Without her, there wouldn't be any! Go figure!
Oh, and to all of you who haven't read "An Ideal Husband," I strongly suggest you read it! It's an excellent novel and you'll thoroughly enjoy yourselves!
"Alright, Cliffhangers, you're dismissed. That is, except for David, Emma, and Jess, the rest of you, get out of here," Peter said right after group, one night. Some of the Cliffhangers looked around confusedly, but shrugged it off and walked off. Shelby hung back.
"Uh, Peter, is there anything that we need to know about until lights out?" she asked quietly.
"Nope. Don't do anything you know I would disapprove of," he replied.
"Of course not my worthy leader, just a little... well, I'll stop there. Good night!" With that she walked off.
"Anyways, on with the subject. Group, it's time for you guys to go on your solos," Peter explained.
"Woopdido," David said, mock enthusiasm present in his voice.
"Our what?" Emma asked.
"Your solos," Peter said again, giving David a reproachful look.
"Yet again, our what?" Kristen asked.
"Your solos are basically a period of three days that you spend along at one of the sites we have prepared. The sites are up in the forest about 5 miles out from Horizon. The solos will begin Friday morning-we will be leaving at sunrise-and will finish Sunday evening. You will be back in time for Monday classes."
At this affirmation, the whole group groaned.
"What do we need to bring?" Leonie asked.
"Anything you'd need on a normal hike. You will be provided with food, so don't worry about that." Peter clapped his hands to gather their now wavering attentions. "So get packin'. It being Thursday, you will all be leaving tomorrow."
Everyone got up and began walking off when Peter remembered something.
"David, Jess, could you please come here?" he called. They returned looking hopeful. Maybe Peter had changed his mind about them going on their solos. "David, can you send Daisy to my office, please? Jess, I'll need to see Shelby as well." They nodded and went to get the two Cliffhangers.
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"Hey, he wanted you to?" Shelby asked, meeting Daisy outside Peter's office.
"Damn, he probably wants to know what happened in Chicago," Daisy replied, realizing what was happening.
"No, cause he'd probably want David as well."
"Yeah, but didn't he already have a one-on-one with Sophie?"
"Oh yeah! Well, no time like the present. Let's find out," Shelby finally decidedly. They both shrugged and entered his office.
"Hello ladies," he said. "Have a seat." They sat.
"Look, Peter I really don't want to talk about what happened in Chicago. If that's what this is for, you're wasting your time," Daisy said quickly.
"Well, that's not what it was for, but nice to know where you stand. No, this is about the solos."
"Peter! We've already had ours!" Shelby said, dreading another go at it.
"Yeah, remember? Great big storm?" Daisy added.
"I know. Guys, if you keep interrupting me, I'll never get this out."
"Go ahead, then, our oh-so-fearless leader," Shelby said.
"Thank you, Miss Merrick."
"Soon to be Barringer," Shelby whispered to Daisy. Peter just smirked. Daisy rolled her eyes.
"Anyways, for Jess's solo, I wrote home, but never got a reply. So, Shelby, I want you to write Jess a letter. If possible, try to put in some... clues, if you will, that will remind her of happier times in her past."
"Uh... okay, I'll do my best," she said with a nod.
"You may go now."
"Alright, see ya, Dais!" Shelby said, giving her friend a wave, and leaving. When the door closed, Peter turned to Daisy.
"Daisy, I still don't really know too much about David's past. Although I know you're not going to tell me about it, something tells me you know about it." Daisy gave the faintest nod, but Peter understood.
"To a certain extent."
"Well, it's more than I know. His dad was unavailable and his mom has moved without letting me know whereto."
"Oh, that's horrible."
"Yeah. Anyways, I want you to write a letter to him. You can do something else instead, if you like."
"I feel honored, there." She rolled her eyes. "But why me?"
"Because you know him best." Daisy nodded. "Alright, I need whatever you're giving him by tonight, or tomorrow at sunrise, at the latest. You and Shelby may use the lodge, or just take a sleeping bag and go and sleep in her room. I doubt Scott'll bother you."
"Gee, thanks, Peter. You're going kind of soft on us!"
"Well, at least this way, I know Shel and Scott won't engage in... you know."
"Yeah, well, I'll get going then. See ya at sunrise. I can't believe you're getting me up that early on a Friday morning. We've got to get you checked out."
"Yeah, oh, and Dais?" he asked, stopping her right before her exit. "Know that I'm always here for you." She nodded and left. "Man, I've got to get through to her!" he sighed.
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Shelby had just told Scott of her "mission," as she called it, when she heard a knock. She let Scott answer. While he was getting the door, she got out some paper and a pen.
"Shel, it's Daisy, she wants to talk to you," he said, opening the door a little more, and going to sit beside his fiancée on the bed.
"Hey Dais, what's up?" she asked.
"Well, I have to do David's solo 'memories,' so Peter said we could work on them together. We only have one night, so we'll probably be up until the wee hours of the morning." Shelby laughed. "We can either work here, or in the lodge," Daisy continued.
"Uh, Scott? Do you mind if we work here?" Shelby asked.
"Uh, sure, go ahead. I wasn't planning on getting much sleep either way," he said with a wink. Shelby laughed.
Both girls looked excited as they were going to have a classic girl's night in, complete with girl talk and gossip. The fact that they had to get some letters written was beside the point. Scott just laughed at their giddiness.
"Uh, I'll go sneak some food from the kitchens," he said, leaving the room.
"Thanks hun!" Shelby yelled out to him. "So, David's going on his solo too, huh?"
"Well, he wasn't here when we went on ours, so, yeah."
"No offense, there, but why did Peter ask you to do this? I mean, I'm Jess's sister, it's the obvious link," Shelby questioned.
"Well, I am his girlfriend!" She laughed, then adopted a serious expression. "Despite the fact that he's been here a year, I'm the only person he's opened up to."
"So? What are you going to write?"
"Well, I'm going to give him a book, and a mix CD I have."
"Are you still writing a letter?"
"Uh, yeah, I think so. But the letter will be more along the lines of 'look to future and get over the past,'" Daisy explained.
"What book are you going to give him?" Shelby asked.
"You know, Shel, curiosity killed the cat."
"Thank god I'm not a cat then!" Daisy looked at her best friend with raised eyebrows. They both exploded laughing as Scott entered the room.
"Well, I'm glad to see you two smiling," he said, throwing them some bags of chips.
"Wow, Scott! Where'd you find this stuff?" Shelby asked incredulously as he came to sit beside her on the floor, leaning up against the side of the bed.
"I got my secrets," he said, putting his arm around her shoulders.
She let out a sigh. "Did I ever tell you I love you?"
"I dunno... I think I may need reminding," he teased. Daisy just rolled her eyes.
"Uh, I have to go get something from the dorms," she said, leaving.
Shelby leaned into give him a kiss. "Oh, by the way, I love you."
"I love you too Shel," he said, pushing his head forward the extra inch and kissing her.
When Daisy returned, she knocked on the door, knowing full well what was going on inside. Shelby broke off the kiss.
"I'll make it up to you later," she whispered. He smiled and took out some homework. "Come on in, Dais."
********************************************************************************
They worked all through the night. Scott stayed up doing some homework that was kind of pressing. Shelby eventually fell asleep on his lap and Daisy in her sleeping bag. He didn't want to disturb them so he just fell asleep, leaning again the side of the bed.
At five thirty, Sophie came to Scott and Shelby's room to get the packages from the girls. What she found was all too cute to her. She couldn't bring herself to wake them, so she just took the letter from Shelby, which had a couple of pictures tucked inside the envelope; and the package from Daisy, which was put in a brown bag. She figured this was to avoid giving David any hint of what was to come. She smiled at this thought. It was a cute idea.
Sophie then closed the door and let them rest. On her way to the picnic tables (the meet point to begin the solos), she stopped off to see Roger in the counselors' sleeping quarters. She knocked on his door and waited for a reply.
"Hey Roger," she said, trying to get his attention.
"Oh, hey, Soph. What makes you wake me at this ungodly hour?" he asked, still groggy-eyed.
"Since you're in charge of the Cliffhangers while Peter and I take the Rivergliders on their solos, can you just leave Scott, Shelby, and Daisy sleep in?"
"Why?" Roger asked, perplexed.
"Because they stayed up working on something for the solos all night." Roger nodded at Sophie's explanation.
"Alright, those three sleep in. Got it. Have a nice solo time, Soph," he said as she waved and left. He turned around and walked back into his room to sleep for another half-hour.
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{Mini AN: We're now on the solos, and I'm going to go individually from everyone's POVs.}
[Emma]
Well, I just got dropped off at my solo site. Oh my gosh! It's so lonely here! How am I supposed to survive this boring crap? Ah! I miss Belle! What am I going to do for three days on my own? I don't want to get out that list of questions that Peter gave us. It'll only make me remember everything again. That's the last thing I want to do. He also said something about getting something from home. David made a stupid joke about how he heard no ticking in his bag. Peter just looked at him and said "D'you get that from Daisy?" He nodded and just looked really silly. I laughed! Anyways, that's the only reason I remembered about that thing from home.
Might as well check it out. Nothing better to do. Alright, pulling bag towards me. My gosh, what'd they send? A piano? This thing's heavier than I remember! Rummaging. I laugh! I like that word. Alright, more rummaging.
Oh my god! And here come the water works. Where did she find this?
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[Alexis]
Oh my god! This is going to be so fucking boring! Our leader (*bow* *bow*, all that shit) was saying some dumb mumbo jumbo crap about getting some stuff from home. It was so stupid! I punched David for making a stupid crack at the fact that there wasn't a bomb in his bag.
Ah, I don't want to think about what the parents sent down. Why would they even bother? They hated me! They still hate me! And fuck that shit! This is the only place I have to know it. My head! My own head! Anywhere else, people can find it! I'm not answering Peter's stupid questions nor writing in my fucked up journal. I don't need that shit. My god! Where's my CD player? I'm sure I stuck it in here before I left!
Oh thank god! I found it. Now, only to put on the headphones, press "play," and let the music calm me.
[Neutral]
"Ah! No! Fuck you, mom! Fuck you! How could you? How could you do that to me? Don't give me that shit again!" she yelled. She had just heard the first few beats of the song. She didn't, however, rip her headphones off. She left them there. As the music continued and a voice began to sing, she curled up on the ground, rocking back and forth crying. The last time she'd heard that song, she was being beaten up by her father. This was one of her favourite song, but she'd stopped listening to it after that. After everything!
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[Alex]
I can't believe this! I'm stuck here for three days. Man, have they actually tried this before? I'm going to die of boredom! This isn't going as easy as I thought it might. Shit! They really have a way of messin' things up here. I was finally getting somewhere with Em, and they come and take us apart. I don't want to do this! Why make me remember stuff I don't want to remember? What's the point?
Lets see this list of questions. "What would you do if you could do anything in the world, right now?" What a dumb question. I would... I would... I don't know. Oh my god! What do I want to do? I want to be with Em, but if I could do anything, it probably wouldn't be that. Let's see, maybe go back in time, and stop my dad. Stop her, stop the whore, the skank, the slut!
Where the hell is that book? I liked it! What was it? Oh yeah, "Pride and Prejudice." Em was right; it's not as girly as I thought. Man, she does make me smile! Holy fuck!
Well, that's what dad sent down. He really didn't have any clue what I liked. Or... maybe... he... did. Where did he find this?
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[James]
Wow! I can't believe it: Marc apologized. I know it happened like two days ago, but I still can't get over it! We used to be like best friends and then he got into all that crap. I thought I was helping him. Taking him to be here just seemed right.
Enough about that. Let's see what I got from mom. I didn't think she'd send anything, but apparently we all got something. I'm kind of anxious.
Oh my gosh! I didn't even know we had these... still!
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[Kristen]
Well, this'll be fun. Three days alone. I hate being alone. That's when the memories come. With the memories comes the pain. I hate the pain more than anything! I wish Marc were here! Not that I'm dependant or anything, but he at least makes me smile! That was something I hadn't done in a long time: smile. I missed it. Only one other person had ever made me smile: Julia. Oh god! I miss her!
What was that thing that Peter had said? Something about getting something from home? I remember cause David said something dumb about no bomb in his bag. Something to that effect, at least. Let's see.
I can't find anything. Alright, last pocket. Wait! What's this? I didn't put any envelopes in my bag... could this be it? I wasn't expecting a heart-filled letter from home.
[Neutral]
As Kristen read the letter, she first covered her mouth in astonishment when she realized who'd written it. Then the tears started to flow. She had to put it down, halfway through. She couldn't take it.
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[Marc]
Well, at least Kristen was right about talking to James. Okay, if my stomach keeps grumbling like this, my solo's going to be one hunger and complaining fest! I think Peter said something about food packed in our bags.
Let's see, let's see. Hold on! I didn't put this in here! What the hell? Oh my gosh! Well, aren't we just a ray of sunshine?
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[Leonie]
Oh! This is going to be so much fun! It'll be like when I used to sit and talk to my friends... just that this time, I'll be the only one answering the questions. Ah! I'm so anxious to see them! I always played the question game with my friends. It was so much fun!
Well, okay, where are they? Oh here! I found them! Wait, what's that? That's odd, I thought I only packed on sweater. Wait a minute! That's not a sweater!
Holy cow! I haven't seen this in so long! Before... Well that's not the point. What is the point is that this is amazing! For the first time I'm real happy! Like giddy happy! Wow! Where did she find this?
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[Andrew]
Okay, I'm sure I'm the only one doing this, but I can't wait to see what I got from home. Wow, I didn't really leave on the best of terms, then again who does? But I really want to know what they sent me.
[Neutral]
Andrew searched frantically through his bag for about five minutes until he found it. It was only a big brown envelope.
[Andrew]
Okay, wonder what this is? A letter, huh? Well, who the hell would want to write me a letter? No way! It can't be! This is impossible!
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[David]
Ah! That was fun. I made the same joke as Daisy did last year when Peter told us about the thingers from home. I laugh! Wow, Daisy really is much smarter than anyone gives her credit for. Actually, most of the Cliffhangers are so different from what people see. They think I'm so ignorant of this, but really, I notice most of what goes on.
I really doubt that daddy dearest sent something down. He's probably not even home. Probably out on some stupid army mission! Well, let's see what mom sent then. And here it is! Wow, a package! Thanks, mom! Hey, a letter!
"Dear David," predictable.
"This is not your mother writing... it's Daisy." What? Holy fuck! How did she know I thought my mom would be writing.
"You're probably trying to figure out how I knew that you thought that your mother would be writing. Okay I'll stop, or you'll probably get too freaked out to finish reading this." She knows me too well.
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[Jess]
I'm so depressed. I'm really happy for Shel and Scott, but I can't help but think that I won't ever find anything that special. I know she's the one who "sent" me a surprise to bring back memories. I miss her so much. It was so hard at first... not knowing what I was going to do. Then I remembered about Horizon, and Shelby. I'm so glad I did. I feel so safe around her!
Here it is. Her letter. Oh my gosh, I don't know if I'm ready for this...
"Dear Jess,
"Hey there, baby girl. As you've probably guessed, it's Shelby writing this. I hate to bad-mouth mom to you, but Peter was unable to reach her. How does that not surprise me? Anyways, Peter wanted me to talk to you about better times. Make you remember your youth... before Walt.
"Well, hun, you were born! That was the best thing to ever happened! You had some good times, I'm sure. I'm very sorry, babe, but my early life with you has been washed out by the bad times with Walt. That is why I'm so anxious to re-build those times again.
"Okay, I think I know what you're thinking about. Since you haven't asked about it yet, I will talk about it now. Jess, the memories, the dreams, the thoughts he left behind will remain. They will stay with you forever. I know it may seem hopeless, like there's no help in the world, no reason to live. But it's not like that, Jess! There are innumerable reasons to go on, to keep trying! What Walt did will always stay with you, and me, but we can get over it.
"Look at my situation: despite the abuse I suffered, I found someone that I love, and who loves me. He knows my history... and I know his.
"You will find someone, or something to live for. To strive for! Don't ever give up, Jess. I remember something Daisy said like her second day here. It was right after this kid ODed in the guys' dorm. She said, 'A popular belief these days is that death is just a portal to the next stage, that somehow this life is just a pit stop on a longer journey. Well, that's bull. This is it, and death is the end. Blackness, nothingness, no consciousness. This idea that you'll get to see who comes to your funeral is pathetic. You're dead, bud. The joke's on you. You are nothing but worm food. Dying sucks and you're an idiot if you think it's better than one more sunrise, one more chance to laugh.' I remember it because right after we left for our dorms, I wrote it in the journal we were supposed to be using. It was my first entry.
"I don't think you're suicidal. I don't think that at all! I'm just trying to show you that, no matter how bad it gets-how bad those dreams may seem-it's never better than nothingness. You will always wake up. You will always be safe! Walt can not hurt you anymore. He never will!
"By the way, Daisy is an immensely wise person, which is why I've always confided in her. You have to find someone like that. Just remember that Scott, Daisy, and I are always here for you as long as you need us!
"Jess, you are an extraordinarily smart person. You have your pride, you strength, and your feelings. Don't deprive the world of your thoughts and opinions. Live life to its fullest. You may, and probably will, get hurt, but it is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all. Remember that, forever! I'll be waiting for you when you return! Have fun, and don't be along. Not in your head, or your heart. It's too easy to get lost (Peter told me that one.)
"Love, Shelby.
"P.S. I will always love you. No matter what happens, NEVER allow yourself to think otherwise!"
[Neutral]
Jess just sat there looking at the name "Shelby." Suddenly, and without warning, the tears began to slide down her cheek. She made no attempt to stop them.
"Oh my god!" she whispered. "I can't believe this!" Then after a little while continued. "I'm going to get through this. Wait, what's this?" she asked herself, looking into the envelope. "Ah, that's so cool!"
[Jess]
Pictures!!!!!!!!! Nice! I can't believe it. There's even one with dad in it! I've never even met him! Wow, that's so awesome! This is such a spirit lifter. Oh, here's the one of us playing in the snow in Central Park! Ah, that was such a fun weekend! Shelby's so cute! Oh my gosh, I never thought I'd remember these things again. Wow, I'm so grateful!
********************************************************************************
[Andrew]
"Dear Andrew," are the first words. Why am I not able to go further? This is ridiculous. It's cause I'm a wimp! That's the only reason. Why can't I read this stupid fucked up letter? Because it's from her. That's just weird! Well, I gotta read this... here goes nothing.
"Dear Andrew,
"I don't have a lot of time, but I've got to write this. I know you will get this some day. My best friend will make sure you do. Anyways, I want to tell you, that, despite the fact that I ran a lot, I was never running from you! I love you with all my heart. You are, in fact, the only person that I was not running from. You are the only one that ever showed me any love at home. And I guess I really want to say thank you for that. You have no idea how much that meant to me. You'll never be able to fathom the importance of that.
"Second, I want to thank you deeply for helping me when the going got tough. I don't know what you decided on with him, but thanks for always helping me when he got violent. You know whom I'm talking of and I won't ruin this letter, this memory, by uttering his name. I just want to say I really appreciated that as well.
"Lastly, I want to give you some sisterly advice. Andrew, never change. Don't change yourself, your opinions, your beliefs, your morals, for anyone! They're not ever worth it. Stay true to yourself, no matter what. I probably won't be there for you like you have for me, and I'm so sorry for that, but remember that no matter what happens, I will always love you. Nothing will ever take that from me. You could do a million things I'd hate, but I'd still love you. You are my brother, and nothing will ever change that. I won't let it.
"Remember who you are. I love you, always.
"Patty."
[Neutral]
He stayed silent for a long time, just looking at the letter. Then, through the tears, he noticed something else in the envelope. He took it and stared at it. Utter hurt, but love, showing in his eyes that hid so much.
The face on the picture was smiling. She had shoulder length dark brown hair pulled back into a half ponytail. Quite a bit of hair was actually out of this ponytail and flowing over her face, but she didn't seem to mind. Her smile was wide and showed most of her teeth. It was a very "Julia Roberts" type smile, he thought. Her eyes were so dark and sad despite the fact that her face lit up the picture.
Andrew smiled sadly at the picture. "I never thought I'd see her again," he whispered.
He then got up and began making camp to for next two days.
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[Kristen]
Oh my gosh. It can't be! This is not possible! I can't finish this now or I'll explode.
Let's see... what are those questions we're supposed to answer? Okay, here they are. Uh, "what is one thing you'd like to change about your past, before Horizon?" Oh wow, that's hard. Only one thing, huh? I'd have to say that would be leaving Julia.
Next: "Who is one person you miss above all else?" Wow, easy question! The only person I miss is Julia. Everyone else was terrible with me. I should talk to Peter about having her come for a visit.
These questions are getting tiresome. I'll try the letter once more. All right, where was I? Oh yes.
"Remember that one time where we went to the cottage in the north? Ah, that was fun. We went swimming when the water was so cold, but we didn't care. How nice it was to have no cares. Just be free for some time. I'm so glad we had those times together!
"Ah yes, and the time we sat up all night talking. Everyone else was trying to break down the door, but we had it barricaded. That was so much fun... except that was when everything started going wrong.
"I'm sorry, that Peter guy told me to try to bring back the good memories. Well, we have a lot of those. It won't be that hard. Let's see... Remember that one time we both skipped math together and went to see a movie? That was great cause it was the first time either of us had cut class. It was such a thrill.
"Remember Max? He was a good guy. Still is. He misses you a lot, you know? I mean, he was your best friend other than me and you left without telling him anything! Not even an address as to where to reach you or a phone number. Don't worry, I haven't said anything. You know, it will get harder and harder the longer you wait. I hate to preach this, but I think you know. He still talks about you. I'd give him a call if I were you.
"Anyways, I have some homework to do. It's getting so hectic as exams are soon. So I'll go do that. I'll talk to you later. Give me a call after you're done that quest thinger.
"I love you! Remember that!
"Julia."
Well, I am happy I finished it! How could I forget about Max? I'll get him to come down when she does. It'll be so much fun! I'll get to see two of my favourite people again! Wow, I can't wait.
Alright, might as well get going on the preparations. I do, after all, have three days to spend here. Wow, that's going to be fun! Notice the sarcasm in my voice... or rather my thoughts.
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It had been a while now that Leonie had just been sitting there looking at something in her lap. On closer inspection, it appeared to be a teddy bear. It was a beautiful black bear. It had brown on the underside of its paws and on its muzzle.
[Leonie]
Beauty. That was her name. I remember now. The last time I saw her was... oh my god, the last time I saw her was the first time I cut. She was my favourite. She couldn't see me like that. I hid her. Where did I hide her though? Oh ya! I gave her to Laura. She was my best friend. Well, she probably gave mom Beauty. If I'm so happy to see her again, why does it hurt so much? Shouldn't it, like not hurt?
No, it hurts for a simple reason. That was the day I lost my innocence. That was the day that everything that had been hurting for so long had come out into the open. I had probably cut about ten deep cuts that day. I'm surprised I didn't die. No one even found out. I probably would've needed stitches, a lot too, but no one knew. No one cared enough to find out.
Why do I feel so rotten? Because you're a bad person! How do I get rid of it? You can cut, you know.
NO! I will not cut. I stopped that when I came here. I'm not going to become what I'm trying to get away from! I will not! I refuse to!
I don't want to see you anymore!
[Neutral]
Leonie yelled at her bear. She picked it up and flung it across the campsite. It hit a tree and fell in between two huge roots. Ley just stared at it, turned around and went into the tent that she had put up. She snuggled under her sleeping bag and fell asleep. It had been gradually getting dark for a while now, and it was pitch black when she did conk out. It had taken her some time to fall into a deep sleep as she kept waking up in tears, but finally peace came to her mind and body with the retrieval of Beauty.
[Leonie]
Ah, first light, what a beautiful sight!
Thank you, Beauty. You helped me again. The biggest mistake I ever made was giving you up. You are the only one who listened. You are the only one who didn't say hurtful comments. You are the only one who didn't cause me to cut and bleed and throw up. You are the only one who knew all my secrets. Thank you for not telling.
[Neutral]
As it was really early in the morning, Leonie fell asleep. This time, she was clutching Beauty to her chest. She was safe here; she knew it. She also had a long way to go, but at least now she was on the right track and knew how to help herself heal, and how to help Peter and Sophie help her. She felt content.
For the first time in 7 years, she fell asleep with a smile on her face.
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It was now the second day of the solos and Marc had not touched what he had found in his bag. The second he'd picked them up, he'd thrown them straight back in his pack. He'd opted instead, to read and answer Peter's questions. He'd thought it exceedingly boring, but got it over with. He now had two full days to get over what he'd found in his bag, but that would never be enough.
"Whatever, I might as well just get over it and look at them," he said to himself. He walked over to his bag that lay close to where a fire had once been. "Here goes nothing." He reached into his bag and pulled out a small stack of photos.
[Marc]
Why did she have to send this? Why? Why bring back to the surface what was so well buried? Let's see.
Here's one of me as a baby. Ah, I was very cute, I must admit. What's this one? Here's one of my brother and me. We were so young. We look about 6 and 9. It's the winter and we're making snow angels. Ah, that was fun. The snow out there, it, uh, it covered everything. It covered the dirt; it covered the crap and the ugliness. The snow...
Ah, here's one from our family trip to Europe. That was so much fun. I can remember it all, word for word, move for move. It was great! James and I went everywhere alone. Our parents went off on their own. Right before we left, dad freaked out though. I remember it so clearly. He got very mad. I can't even remember over what, but he was so pissed. He started yelling at mom and getting a little violent. I think he flipped a table or something. James got mad, and told him to stop. He then turned on James and punched him so hard. I thought he was dead at first, but he was unconscious. He then turned on mom. And then... on me. I got the worst of all the beatings.
That's what led me to the hospital. That's what got me on morphine. That's when my addiction started. That addiction ruined my life!
It's okay now though. At least there are no more drugs for me to use. That withdrawal period was a little rough, but whatever, I'm over it and not very many people thought of it as withdrawal. They all thought I was just going nuts from being brought here. My anger was how I hid my withdrawal. No one really knew what I was addicted to except for Peter and Sophie. Oh well, I'm over that now. I'm never going back into that dark and dangerous gutter that is the life of a druggie.
It's okay; I'm over that. I'm okay. I'm okay! I know. If ever I get that urge, I know Peter and Kristen are going to be there for me. All the Cliffhangers and Rivergliders are going to be there as well. Sophie too. I'm glad I have people to support me now. I never really did. I only got into a lot of trouble when James left and he was the only one who ever supported me.
Well, that's a refreshing thought... Help will always be given at Horizon to those who ask for it... actually, even to those who don't ask. I finally feel really safe.
********************************************************************************
[Alex]
How did he know about this? This is so weird! I can't remember the last time I saw you! you were like my safety blanket, except so much better.
[Neutral]
Alex was holding a brown bear close to his chest. He had his eyes closed and his head hung down. From the back, he looked like a little kid again. One would not be able to tell the difference between the tough kid that had come to Horizon a few months previous, and a small child who was just holding his favourite toy. If the object of the solo was to bring back all of the teen's memories of their childhood, Peter had gotten it bang on with Alex.
[Alex]
I can't believe all images and memories this brings back. I can now remember the last time I saw this bear. It was when I was eleven. I decided I didn't like the kid thing anymore. He was the last toy I gave up. After that, I grew up. I feel like I'm coming straight out of Peter Pan. How you never grow up if you go to Neverland. I wouldn't have grown up had I kept him.
This forced me to grow up prematurely, I think, and go for things that I oughtn't to have. It led me into the drug life, the violent life, the gang life. If it hadn't been for all that crap, I would've been a well-adjusted teen. It certainly didn't help that dad went and slept around with whores!
Ah, how I miss my innocence. But most of all, I miss my childhood, and those carefree days that I spent just playing around with my buddies. That was so great. I remember one summer in which we played every day. It was so much fun.
[Neutral]
Those ghosts of summers past brought a smile to Alex's face. Not only did it bring happiness, but sadness. A single tear fell down his cheek. He missed those days so much. He was so mad that his parents had stopped caring about what he did and just left him to figure things out. A twelve-year-old child is not old enough to make those decisions. It takes an adult to counsel! Why were his parents not there? Well, his mom was always working as she was a very prominent lawyer and his dad, to get rid of his loneliness, slept around, drank, and did drugs. All in all, neither parent was vigilant enough to see what was happening to their child.
[Alex]
At least I'm away from their crappy lives now. Maybe I can finally re-build my own life! Maybe I can even get on with it. Only time will tell. At least I'm helping myself now. At least I've got people to help me. At least I finally have hope!
********************************************************************************
[James]
Wow, as much as I hated my life back at home, I really loved mom. I'm so happy she sent me these. I bet Marc got some too. These photos are so cool! I still can't believe we still had these! That's amazing... where'd she find them? I remember going through all our stuff when I was looking for money for drugs. She must've kept them really well hidden!
Wow, this is so amazing. Here's some of our trip to Europe. Yeah, that one didn't end too well...
Oh, and here we are that time Marc and I had gotten stuck to each other with glue. We thought that was hilarious... that is, until we had to get unstuck. It's like that time we decided it would be cool to see if our tongues really would get stuck to that metal gate in the middle of winter. That was a rather painful experience, if I do say so myself.
And the time we decided to cook for mother's day. Ah, that, uh, didn't end too well. I do believe we had to get some hired help for the mess we created. That was so hilarious. Here's the picture of that time. Oh my gosh. Marc and I, standing in the middle of a disgustingly dirty kitchen (which was spotless when we'd begun,) covered in flour, eggs, milk, and-is that-no way! And covered in popcorn. How did we manage that? Bottom line: never leave Marc and I to do something on our own in the kitchen... it's just not safe!
[Neutral]
James just sat there, chuckling at what he saw. He stayed like that for quite a while. When light was too scarce for him to see anymore, he went into his tent, and fell asleep almost instantly. He held only one photo.
On it, were James, Marc, their dad, and their mom, all laughing in their backyard. It had been a long time since that had been taken, but it was still fresh in his mind.
********************************************************************************
Alexis had fallen asleep to the tunes of that CD. When she'd woken up the next morning, she played CD again. While answering Peter's questions-which she'd given into as she was in a better mood-she'd listened to the CD. Finally she gave into the urge and began to sing.
"Is it enough to love? /Is it enough to breathe? /Somebody rip my heart out/And leave me here to bleed/Is it enough to die? /Somebody save my life/I'd rather be anything but ordinary please," she bellowed out. She was actually pretty well in tune, which was surprising considering how loud she was singing.
[Alexis]
Wow, I miss this song. This was my favourite. I thought, actually I still think it represents me impeccably.
"To walk within the lines/Would make my life so boring/I want to know that I/Have been to the extreme/So knock me off my feet/Come on now give it to me/Anything to make me feel alive."
I love this song. I can't believe I survived without this CD. I remember dancing around my room with that music blaring. Couldn't hear them fight. Couldn't hear Jules barf up her guts in between sobs. Couldn't hear Emma screaming through my door that it was my fault. Couldn't hear the world. How nice it is to be able to have something drown everything out. Everyone got so sick of that CD, but I loved it so much. It was so like me too: natural, original, but different.
After he beat me up and it hadn't been able to take that away, I never trusted it again. It didn't work anymore. I couldn't hear Jules if I'd wanted to, she was gone. Pretty soon after, I couldn't hear Emma, as she was gone too. She'd run. I was all alone. Mom and dad would get on my case about everything. If I wasn't perfect, dad'd beat me. If I was perfect, mom'd find something wrong. It was just like that. finally, I started giving them actual reasons to beat up on me. At least I knew I had done something wrong then, and I didn't try to find a reason for the beatings.
Well, thanks mom, first nice thing you've ever done. And for the first time, I'm actually grateful! I can't believe this. Why should I feel grateful to her?
Ah, here's "Complicated." I love this song, despite the fact that it was overly played on the radio.
Chill out what'cha yelling' for?
[Emma yelling at me.]
Lay back it's all been done before
[Me, cutting myself after another beating.]
And if, you could only let it be
[Juliette throwing up in the bathroom.]
You will see
[People making fun of me about how I dressed like a skater.]
I like you the way you are
[Times with Michael, my boyfriend.]
When we're drivin' in your car
[The only times I was happy after Em and Jules left.]
And you're talking to me one on one
[Talks I used to have with Angie, my best friend.]
But you've become
[Everyone changed, and I was left to deal with it.]
Somebody else 'round everyone else
[I had to change to, so I put up a fake persona.]
You're watching your back like you can't relax
[I couldn't let anyone know the real me.]
You're tryin' to be cool
[I had to play the part right, right? So I faked everything!]
You look like a fool to me
[I didn't like myself. I hated myself. I still do! No one here knows me!]
Tell me why'd you have to go and make things so complicated?
[Why'd everyone have to change? Why'd they have to start using me as their punching bag?]
I see the way you're acting like you're somebody else gets me frustrated
[Why'd I have to start cutting? Why'd I have to change my person to fit the public mold?]
Life's like this you
[I got so screwed up!]
And you fall and you crawl
[And I couldn't get back up.]
And you break and you take
[I broke into to place, took what wasn't mine, and broke anything I wanted to.]
What you get
[Is what I deserved... only to a certain point!]
And you turn it into honesty
[Hey! I had to lie! It seemed honest to everyone, except to me.]
And promise me I'm never gonna find you fake it
[That's what Angie started saying, then I started having to really lie to her. It hurt so much, so I stopped being friends with her. I withdrew from the world.]
You come over unannounced
[My dad coming up to me and hitting me.]
Dressed up like you're somethin' else
[Him yelling at me about how he hates how I look, how I dress.]
Where you are and where it's at you see
[I didn't know what was happening anymore!]
You're making me laugh out when you strike your pose
[I couldn't believe how pathetic I was! I was such a fraud!]
Take off all your preppy clothes
[Michael getting mad at me, and raping me.]
You know you're not fooling anyone
[He yelled that at me.]
When you've become somebody else.
[I hate myself!]
[Neutral]
She ripped off the earphones, threw the CD player across her tent, ran out and fell to the ground crying. It started to rain lightly, but she didn't care. She just laid there, crying her eyes out, letting out all the bad memories. Release! It was so beautiful right now!
********************************************************************************
[Emma]
My fingers move so swiftly over my imaginary keys. My eyes close. My voice starts singing out my old songs.
These were the songs I'd written for the piano. I used to sit there and just play all day. When Belle was born, I wrote one for her. It was so happy. When she got sick, I dropped into a sad phase. It was all very exposing. That's why I had to stop when I started being abused. I also couldn't play when I was running away. If I was at a bar with one of my "clients" and there was a piano, and there weren't too many people, I'd play. I'd play when I was down mostly. I had to play the happy songs to cover up. But it was such a release.
I never played Horizon's piano. I never had the time, and I never had the will to bear my soul. It was just such a risk. I feel able to play now, but there isn't a piano. Oh well, I remember this tune perfectly.
[Neutral]
Emma just hummed away. Tears started flowing from her eyes, but she hummed away. Her voice started cracking, but she just kept humming. Finally, she just couldn't hum any more. It was too much of a strain. So she started yelling. She would bellow out the tune, the words, the melody, anything. She had to get this out.
[Emma]
Despite how much this hurts, I need to do it. I don't know why. I just need to do this. If I don't, I think I just might die.
The weight just seems to lift. Wow, this reminds me of "Hailie's Song." Apart from my piano, I listened to rap all the time. Belle grew up to that music. I'm surprised she's not insane!
"Sometimes it feels like the world's on my shoulders/Everyone's leaning on me. /Well sometimes it feels like the world's almost over/But then she comes back to me." Ah, Eminem always soothed me... amazingly enough.
"But suddenly it just seems/ Like my shoulder blades have just shifted/ It's like the greatest gift you can get / The weight has been lifted."
That's how I feel. When I think of Belle, all my worries leave. The weight of the world's gone, it's lifted... until I start thinking of other things.
I hate my past. At least I've got Belle to comfort me. When I hug her all my memories are gone. She doesn't judge me. She doesn't hurt me. She takes my pain away from me. I love her so much. She's like my child. A big, brown, furry child! I laugh! Ah, everything's right in the world, when Belle is there.
Thanks, mom, for making me remember my songs. I will play them as soon as I get back.
********************************************************************************
Since Daisy had a very hard time breaking David's spirit, she did it in what she knew David would see first, that way she could get his spirits up elsewhere. She had more than enough stuff to make him laugh and smile. Where Shelby had given Jess hope, Daisy gave David hope and laughter. She didn't want to only give him what he was expecting and what he needed, but she wanted to give him a little extra.
"Dear David,
"This is not your mother writing... it's Daisy. You're probably trying to figure out how I knew that you thought that your mother would be writing. Okay I'll stop, or you'll probably get too freaked out to finish reading this.
"So, you remember how you got me to go to Peter's office and never saw me again? Well, that was because I went to do this package. Don't look at the other stuff yet! It's there purely for enjoyment purposes. Alright, so I'll go on about this stuff. Peter asked me to put this together, as David is a rather anti-social kid (just kidding.) It's because you haven't opened up to anyone else, not even him. Your parents didn't send it down because your dad was on an army mission (I know you already guessed that) and your mom... she moved and didn't renew her address to Peter. Don't worry, we'll find her!
"Okay, so the mushy stuff first. Oh joy. Okay, David, I know you got into drugs; I know you got into insane levels of alcohol; and I know you beat up a kid at school within an inch of his life. This was not too much of a surprise to me, considering all the 'lost souls' we have here at Horizon. What did surprise me was that your dad abused you, physically and mentally. Actually, more than anything, it hurt me. I really do love you, and when I think that that could've happened to you, I won't lie, it hurts. Look, my dad did the same to me, mind you he was always drunk, but he still mentally abused me. The thing is, when he threatened physical abuse I couldn't take it. As I've told Hannah (a counselor who used to work here), I wanted to off him. The only reason I didn't is because I didn't think I could cry for the police.
"You're probably wondering why I was so sad at the funeral. Think about it. Despite the fact that you probably hate your dad for doing that to you, don't you have some kind of hope that you two could fix your relationship? In any case, I did, and it hurt me when he decided to keep drinking instead of stopping and living, even if it was only for his daughter!
"You never really talk about your mom. I know you thought of her as an amazing woman and I'm sure she was. I really respect the courage it would've taken to walk out on your father. As much as she probably feared life with him, she almost certainly feared life even more without him. It takes a lot of bravery to give that up and rough it on your own. It also takes a lot of strength to put up with you! I'm just kidding! In the end, I'm amazingly grateful to your mother. Why? Because she brought you to Horizon. She brought you to help, to a better life... and to me! And had she not, I don't know what I would've done.
"You are an awesome person, David. I know you have doubts about that sometimes. I can see it in your eyes (not to mention in the cards). You are awesome at hiding it that is, from everyone but me! I applaud your efforts, but you can't hide anything from me. After all, I was the first to know a lot of people's pasts and secrets, or one of the first.
"Anyways, don't give up hope. Not now, not ever. If anything ever happens that could possibly make you think anything bad about yourself just remember this sentence: I love you! I love you no matter what! If you ever doubt it, just look at the other thing in the envelope.
"Love always and forever,
"Daisy Graves."
[David]
I laughed at the signature. I love it when she jokes around like that. I had been holding in the tears, and it feels good to laugh. I actually got kind of scared when she started talking about my dad, but I'm all right. My dad can't hurt me here. I was also really hurt that mom left and didn't let me know. It's just like walking out, except much less guilt. It leaves the same ugly emptiness. Oh well! I have Daisy, and now that's all that matters.
I still hate the fact that both my parents hated me. There was so much tension in my family. Even after mom left, there was a still load of hatred around. I hated that. Why couldn't both just like each other? It didn't even have to be love, but at least no screaming and fighting.
Even better, would've been no hitting. Even before mom left, dad had started beating up on me. I hated that more than anything. It was the worst feeling in the world. To know that the one person you look up to hates you more than anything. It sucked, in every sense of the word. As hot tears began to sting my eyes, I remembered something Daisy had mentioned in the letter.
[Neutral]
He opened the letter and took something out of it. The tears that were threatening to fall, fell.
[David]
I remember this one. It was the one that Juliette took when she started going nuts with that camera of hers again. Daisy stole it from her and hid it. We'd laughed about that a lot. Jules kept saying it was the best one of us, and that she couldn't find it. We both knew what had happened, and we were the only ones. I doubt Dais even told Shelby.
It's the one where we're standing under the gazebo, and smiling... which doesn't happen too often around others. I'm propped up on her shoulder, with my face turned to her. Wait, there's something written on the back.
"Yours forever! Daisy." Oh my god! That's so cute! That's so not Daisy, which makes it even more special.
Hold on, that package has more to it than just this. She said that too in the letter.
Here's the bag. Okay, so there's a CD and a CD player (one being quite useless without the other) and a book. The book is black, how fitting. Wait, what book is it? First page: An Ideal Husband, by Oscar Wilde. Okay then! I must say, I wasn't expecting that one! I wonder why she gave me that...
[Neutral]
As he opened the book he noticed a note.
"To David, in recognition of his amazingly witty humor. Oscar would've been proud! From Daisy (in case you forget.)" He smiled to himself. Daisy always had a way of doing that.
"Let's see what CD it is," he said.
He pulled it out of the bag. It had a picture of Daisy and him on the cover. Okay, so it's a mix, he thought. He looked on the inside of the cover. There was a list of 15 songs. There were the following: "Wonderful," Everclear; "I'll Be," Edwin McCain; "Hailie's Song," and "Sing for the Moment," Eminem; "Running for Home," Matthew Good Band; "Angel," Sarah McLaughlan; "I Shall Believe," Sheryl Crow; "It's My Life," Bon Jovi; "Unwanted," Avril Lavigne; "Summer of our Discontent," Captain Tractor; "Love is Not Enough," from the "Life as a House" soundtrack; "Monkey Wrench," Foo Fighters; "Lost in a Supermarket," The Clash; "Lithium," Nirvana; and "Keeping Secrets," Motor Ace.
He put it in the player and listened. He loved every song on it. Maybe some more than others, but he loved that Daisy had put them together. He also found hope or consolation in some. In others he just found a way to vent all his frustration with the world. He started reading his book as he listened to the CD. He soon found quite a few margin notes that Daisy had left behind.
[David]
She's obviously read over this quite a few times. Ah, there are quite a few funny ones. When Lord Goring says: "Have you missed me?" Mabel says "Awfully!" and he responds by "Then I am sorry I did not stay away longer. I like being missed," Daisy writes "Just like you. How very selfish of you... oh sorry, that's Mabel's line." There are quite a few more like that. it's gonna be an excellent read! Let's get to it then.
[Neutral]
David brought his stuff into the tent, lay down, and began to read. As he read a smile formed on his lips. As Peter checked on David's camp, he heard laughter coming from his tent. He smiled to himself.
"Good job, Dais. I'm proud of you," he whispered and left.
********************************************************************************
"Peter, how much longer?" David whined.
"What's up with you? It's like the tenth time in five minutes!" Alexis shot back.
"Shut up! I have my reasons," he replied harshly.
"Guys! Calm it! We'll be there in a minute, David," Peter added with a smile. He knew that David was dying to see Daisy.
For the remaining minute, Alexis and David fought. The others just ignored them with many sighs and rolling of the eyes. Finally, David put his headphones on and listened to the CD. When the arrived, he was first out of the car, running toward the girls' dorm. He burst in at full speed. This made Jules and Auggie jump.
"I won't even ask what you're doing here. Jules, where's Daisy?" he said quickly. Juliette blushed.
"Uh, Shel's room, I think." David just left the same way he'd arrived. He made it to Shelby and Scott's room in less than 30 seconds, which wasn't very safe, as he knocked more than one person over.
He opened the door without knocking. He ran in on Shelby and Scott making out.
"David! What are you doing?" Shelby screamed.
"Where's Dais?" he asked quickly.
"Lodge," Scott said firmly. David left, again at top speed. He entered the lodge the same way he did with every other room. His eyes immediately met Daisy's. He ran over to her. She stood up to meet him. He took her in his arms and gave her a huge kiss. Everyone started clapping and whooping. Roger was about to stop them, when Sophie stopped him. She'd seen his entire display. She just laughed.
"Let him, Rog, he's had a tough solo."
"Soph! We just can't let him, though," Roger protested.
"Ya, Peter said the same thing. Don't worry, he agreed with me in the end. Just let it go one time," she said with a pat.
David just kept kissing Daisy until she had to break it off to breathe. This is when people started screaming "Get a room!" They both laughed. Daisy just grabbed David's hand and led him out of the room. She led him to the docks.
"I take it you liked your surprise," she said with a sly smile.
"I love you," was all he said before taking her in his arms and kissing her deeply again. When she pulled away for a breath, she whispered too.
"I love you too, David." Then she began kissing him again. They stayed like that for quite a while. The evening finished with them sitting on the edge, their feet dangling in the lake, holding each other silently.
Author's Note: I'm sorry it's been so long. As you will see this is a really long chapter, so I won't disappoint. So, prep yourselves for quite a ride. It'll have quite a bit of sadness. I'm going over and beyond my normal levels of sappiness. Here goes nothing! (It won't be that bad! LOL)
Oh, and I'd like to give a big shout out to Emma. Thanks for pushing me! This wouldn't have gotten finished so fast if you hadn't! And everyone should thank her for the D&D fluff. Without her, there wouldn't be any! Go figure!
Oh, and to all of you who haven't read "An Ideal Husband," I strongly suggest you read it! It's an excellent novel and you'll thoroughly enjoy yourselves!
"Alright, Cliffhangers, you're dismissed. That is, except for David, Emma, and Jess, the rest of you, get out of here," Peter said right after group, one night. Some of the Cliffhangers looked around confusedly, but shrugged it off and walked off. Shelby hung back.
"Uh, Peter, is there anything that we need to know about until lights out?" she asked quietly.
"Nope. Don't do anything you know I would disapprove of," he replied.
"Of course not my worthy leader, just a little... well, I'll stop there. Good night!" With that she walked off.
"Anyways, on with the subject. Group, it's time for you guys to go on your solos," Peter explained.
"Woopdido," David said, mock enthusiasm present in his voice.
"Our what?" Emma asked.
"Your solos," Peter said again, giving David a reproachful look.
"Yet again, our what?" Kristen asked.
"Your solos are basically a period of three days that you spend along at one of the sites we have prepared. The sites are up in the forest about 5 miles out from Horizon. The solos will begin Friday morning-we will be leaving at sunrise-and will finish Sunday evening. You will be back in time for Monday classes."
At this affirmation, the whole group groaned.
"What do we need to bring?" Leonie asked.
"Anything you'd need on a normal hike. You will be provided with food, so don't worry about that." Peter clapped his hands to gather their now wavering attentions. "So get packin'. It being Thursday, you will all be leaving tomorrow."
Everyone got up and began walking off when Peter remembered something.
"David, Jess, could you please come here?" he called. They returned looking hopeful. Maybe Peter had changed his mind about them going on their solos. "David, can you send Daisy to my office, please? Jess, I'll need to see Shelby as well." They nodded and went to get the two Cliffhangers.
********************************************************************************
"Hey, he wanted you to?" Shelby asked, meeting Daisy outside Peter's office.
"Damn, he probably wants to know what happened in Chicago," Daisy replied, realizing what was happening.
"No, cause he'd probably want David as well."
"Yeah, but didn't he already have a one-on-one with Sophie?"
"Oh yeah! Well, no time like the present. Let's find out," Shelby finally decidedly. They both shrugged and entered his office.
"Hello ladies," he said. "Have a seat." They sat.
"Look, Peter I really don't want to talk about what happened in Chicago. If that's what this is for, you're wasting your time," Daisy said quickly.
"Well, that's not what it was for, but nice to know where you stand. No, this is about the solos."
"Peter! We've already had ours!" Shelby said, dreading another go at it.
"Yeah, remember? Great big storm?" Daisy added.
"I know. Guys, if you keep interrupting me, I'll never get this out."
"Go ahead, then, our oh-so-fearless leader," Shelby said.
"Thank you, Miss Merrick."
"Soon to be Barringer," Shelby whispered to Daisy. Peter just smirked. Daisy rolled her eyes.
"Anyways, for Jess's solo, I wrote home, but never got a reply. So, Shelby, I want you to write Jess a letter. If possible, try to put in some... clues, if you will, that will remind her of happier times in her past."
"Uh... okay, I'll do my best," she said with a nod.
"You may go now."
"Alright, see ya, Dais!" Shelby said, giving her friend a wave, and leaving. When the door closed, Peter turned to Daisy.
"Daisy, I still don't really know too much about David's past. Although I know you're not going to tell me about it, something tells me you know about it." Daisy gave the faintest nod, but Peter understood.
"To a certain extent."
"Well, it's more than I know. His dad was unavailable and his mom has moved without letting me know whereto."
"Oh, that's horrible."
"Yeah. Anyways, I want you to write a letter to him. You can do something else instead, if you like."
"I feel honored, there." She rolled her eyes. "But why me?"
"Because you know him best." Daisy nodded. "Alright, I need whatever you're giving him by tonight, or tomorrow at sunrise, at the latest. You and Shelby may use the lodge, or just take a sleeping bag and go and sleep in her room. I doubt Scott'll bother you."
"Gee, thanks, Peter. You're going kind of soft on us!"
"Well, at least this way, I know Shel and Scott won't engage in... you know."
"Yeah, well, I'll get going then. See ya at sunrise. I can't believe you're getting me up that early on a Friday morning. We've got to get you checked out."
"Yeah, oh, and Dais?" he asked, stopping her right before her exit. "Know that I'm always here for you." She nodded and left. "Man, I've got to get through to her!" he sighed.
********************************************************************************
Shelby had just told Scott of her "mission," as she called it, when she heard a knock. She let Scott answer. While he was getting the door, she got out some paper and a pen.
"Shel, it's Daisy, she wants to talk to you," he said, opening the door a little more, and going to sit beside his fiancée on the bed.
"Hey Dais, what's up?" she asked.
"Well, I have to do David's solo 'memories,' so Peter said we could work on them together. We only have one night, so we'll probably be up until the wee hours of the morning." Shelby laughed. "We can either work here, or in the lodge," Daisy continued.
"Uh, Scott? Do you mind if we work here?" Shelby asked.
"Uh, sure, go ahead. I wasn't planning on getting much sleep either way," he said with a wink. Shelby laughed.
Both girls looked excited as they were going to have a classic girl's night in, complete with girl talk and gossip. The fact that they had to get some letters written was beside the point. Scott just laughed at their giddiness.
"Uh, I'll go sneak some food from the kitchens," he said, leaving the room.
"Thanks hun!" Shelby yelled out to him. "So, David's going on his solo too, huh?"
"Well, he wasn't here when we went on ours, so, yeah."
"No offense, there, but why did Peter ask you to do this? I mean, I'm Jess's sister, it's the obvious link," Shelby questioned.
"Well, I am his girlfriend!" She laughed, then adopted a serious expression. "Despite the fact that he's been here a year, I'm the only person he's opened up to."
"So? What are you going to write?"
"Well, I'm going to give him a book, and a mix CD I have."
"Are you still writing a letter?"
"Uh, yeah, I think so. But the letter will be more along the lines of 'look to future and get over the past,'" Daisy explained.
"What book are you going to give him?" Shelby asked.
"You know, Shel, curiosity killed the cat."
"Thank god I'm not a cat then!" Daisy looked at her best friend with raised eyebrows. They both exploded laughing as Scott entered the room.
"Well, I'm glad to see you two smiling," he said, throwing them some bags of chips.
"Wow, Scott! Where'd you find this stuff?" Shelby asked incredulously as he came to sit beside her on the floor, leaning up against the side of the bed.
"I got my secrets," he said, putting his arm around her shoulders.
She let out a sigh. "Did I ever tell you I love you?"
"I dunno... I think I may need reminding," he teased. Daisy just rolled her eyes.
"Uh, I have to go get something from the dorms," she said, leaving.
Shelby leaned into give him a kiss. "Oh, by the way, I love you."
"I love you too Shel," he said, pushing his head forward the extra inch and kissing her.
When Daisy returned, she knocked on the door, knowing full well what was going on inside. Shelby broke off the kiss.
"I'll make it up to you later," she whispered. He smiled and took out some homework. "Come on in, Dais."
********************************************************************************
They worked all through the night. Scott stayed up doing some homework that was kind of pressing. Shelby eventually fell asleep on his lap and Daisy in her sleeping bag. He didn't want to disturb them so he just fell asleep, leaning again the side of the bed.
At five thirty, Sophie came to Scott and Shelby's room to get the packages from the girls. What she found was all too cute to her. She couldn't bring herself to wake them, so she just took the letter from Shelby, which had a couple of pictures tucked inside the envelope; and the package from Daisy, which was put in a brown bag. She figured this was to avoid giving David any hint of what was to come. She smiled at this thought. It was a cute idea.
Sophie then closed the door and let them rest. On her way to the picnic tables (the meet point to begin the solos), she stopped off to see Roger in the counselors' sleeping quarters. She knocked on his door and waited for a reply.
"Hey Roger," she said, trying to get his attention.
"Oh, hey, Soph. What makes you wake me at this ungodly hour?" he asked, still groggy-eyed.
"Since you're in charge of the Cliffhangers while Peter and I take the Rivergliders on their solos, can you just leave Scott, Shelby, and Daisy sleep in?"
"Why?" Roger asked, perplexed.
"Because they stayed up working on something for the solos all night." Roger nodded at Sophie's explanation.
"Alright, those three sleep in. Got it. Have a nice solo time, Soph," he said as she waved and left. He turned around and walked back into his room to sleep for another half-hour.
********************************************************************************
{Mini AN: We're now on the solos, and I'm going to go individually from everyone's POVs.}
[Emma]
Well, I just got dropped off at my solo site. Oh my gosh! It's so lonely here! How am I supposed to survive this boring crap? Ah! I miss Belle! What am I going to do for three days on my own? I don't want to get out that list of questions that Peter gave us. It'll only make me remember everything again. That's the last thing I want to do. He also said something about getting something from home. David made a stupid joke about how he heard no ticking in his bag. Peter just looked at him and said "D'you get that from Daisy?" He nodded and just looked really silly. I laughed! Anyways, that's the only reason I remembered about that thing from home.
Might as well check it out. Nothing better to do. Alright, pulling bag towards me. My gosh, what'd they send? A piano? This thing's heavier than I remember! Rummaging. I laugh! I like that word. Alright, more rummaging.
Oh my god! And here come the water works. Where did she find this?
********************************************************************************
[Alexis]
Oh my god! This is going to be so fucking boring! Our leader (*bow* *bow*, all that shit) was saying some dumb mumbo jumbo crap about getting some stuff from home. It was so stupid! I punched David for making a stupid crack at the fact that there wasn't a bomb in his bag.
Ah, I don't want to think about what the parents sent down. Why would they even bother? They hated me! They still hate me! And fuck that shit! This is the only place I have to know it. My head! My own head! Anywhere else, people can find it! I'm not answering Peter's stupid questions nor writing in my fucked up journal. I don't need that shit. My god! Where's my CD player? I'm sure I stuck it in here before I left!
Oh thank god! I found it. Now, only to put on the headphones, press "play," and let the music calm me.
[Neutral]
"Ah! No! Fuck you, mom! Fuck you! How could you? How could you do that to me? Don't give me that shit again!" she yelled. She had just heard the first few beats of the song. She didn't, however, rip her headphones off. She left them there. As the music continued and a voice began to sing, she curled up on the ground, rocking back and forth crying. The last time she'd heard that song, she was being beaten up by her father. This was one of her favourite song, but she'd stopped listening to it after that. After everything!
********************************************************************************
[Alex]
I can't believe this! I'm stuck here for three days. Man, have they actually tried this before? I'm going to die of boredom! This isn't going as easy as I thought it might. Shit! They really have a way of messin' things up here. I was finally getting somewhere with Em, and they come and take us apart. I don't want to do this! Why make me remember stuff I don't want to remember? What's the point?
Lets see this list of questions. "What would you do if you could do anything in the world, right now?" What a dumb question. I would... I would... I don't know. Oh my god! What do I want to do? I want to be with Em, but if I could do anything, it probably wouldn't be that. Let's see, maybe go back in time, and stop my dad. Stop her, stop the whore, the skank, the slut!
Where the hell is that book? I liked it! What was it? Oh yeah, "Pride and Prejudice." Em was right; it's not as girly as I thought. Man, she does make me smile! Holy fuck!
Well, that's what dad sent down. He really didn't have any clue what I liked. Or... maybe... he... did. Where did he find this?
********************************************************************************
[James]
Wow! I can't believe it: Marc apologized. I know it happened like two days ago, but I still can't get over it! We used to be like best friends and then he got into all that crap. I thought I was helping him. Taking him to be here just seemed right.
Enough about that. Let's see what I got from mom. I didn't think she'd send anything, but apparently we all got something. I'm kind of anxious.
Oh my gosh! I didn't even know we had these... still!
********************************************************************************
[Kristen]
Well, this'll be fun. Three days alone. I hate being alone. That's when the memories come. With the memories comes the pain. I hate the pain more than anything! I wish Marc were here! Not that I'm dependant or anything, but he at least makes me smile! That was something I hadn't done in a long time: smile. I missed it. Only one other person had ever made me smile: Julia. Oh god! I miss her!
What was that thing that Peter had said? Something about getting something from home? I remember cause David said something dumb about no bomb in his bag. Something to that effect, at least. Let's see.
I can't find anything. Alright, last pocket. Wait! What's this? I didn't put any envelopes in my bag... could this be it? I wasn't expecting a heart-filled letter from home.
[Neutral]
As Kristen read the letter, she first covered her mouth in astonishment when she realized who'd written it. Then the tears started to flow. She had to put it down, halfway through. She couldn't take it.
********************************************************************************
[Marc]
Well, at least Kristen was right about talking to James. Okay, if my stomach keeps grumbling like this, my solo's going to be one hunger and complaining fest! I think Peter said something about food packed in our bags.
Let's see, let's see. Hold on! I didn't put this in here! What the hell? Oh my gosh! Well, aren't we just a ray of sunshine?
********************************************************************************
[Leonie]
Oh! This is going to be so much fun! It'll be like when I used to sit and talk to my friends... just that this time, I'll be the only one answering the questions. Ah! I'm so anxious to see them! I always played the question game with my friends. It was so much fun!
Well, okay, where are they? Oh here! I found them! Wait, what's that? That's odd, I thought I only packed on sweater. Wait a minute! That's not a sweater!
Holy cow! I haven't seen this in so long! Before... Well that's not the point. What is the point is that this is amazing! For the first time I'm real happy! Like giddy happy! Wow! Where did she find this?
********************************************************************************
[Andrew]
Okay, I'm sure I'm the only one doing this, but I can't wait to see what I got from home. Wow, I didn't really leave on the best of terms, then again who does? But I really want to know what they sent me.
[Neutral]
Andrew searched frantically through his bag for about five minutes until he found it. It was only a big brown envelope.
[Andrew]
Okay, wonder what this is? A letter, huh? Well, who the hell would want to write me a letter? No way! It can't be! This is impossible!
********************************************************************************
[David]
Ah! That was fun. I made the same joke as Daisy did last year when Peter told us about the thingers from home. I laugh! Wow, Daisy really is much smarter than anyone gives her credit for. Actually, most of the Cliffhangers are so different from what people see. They think I'm so ignorant of this, but really, I notice most of what goes on.
I really doubt that daddy dearest sent something down. He's probably not even home. Probably out on some stupid army mission! Well, let's see what mom sent then. And here it is! Wow, a package! Thanks, mom! Hey, a letter!
"Dear David," predictable.
"This is not your mother writing... it's Daisy." What? Holy fuck! How did she know I thought my mom would be writing.
"You're probably trying to figure out how I knew that you thought that your mother would be writing. Okay I'll stop, or you'll probably get too freaked out to finish reading this." She knows me too well.
********************************************************************************
[Jess]
I'm so depressed. I'm really happy for Shel and Scott, but I can't help but think that I won't ever find anything that special. I know she's the one who "sent" me a surprise to bring back memories. I miss her so much. It was so hard at first... not knowing what I was going to do. Then I remembered about Horizon, and Shelby. I'm so glad I did. I feel so safe around her!
Here it is. Her letter. Oh my gosh, I don't know if I'm ready for this...
"Dear Jess,
"Hey there, baby girl. As you've probably guessed, it's Shelby writing this. I hate to bad-mouth mom to you, but Peter was unable to reach her. How does that not surprise me? Anyways, Peter wanted me to talk to you about better times. Make you remember your youth... before Walt.
"Well, hun, you were born! That was the best thing to ever happened! You had some good times, I'm sure. I'm very sorry, babe, but my early life with you has been washed out by the bad times with Walt. That is why I'm so anxious to re-build those times again.
"Okay, I think I know what you're thinking about. Since you haven't asked about it yet, I will talk about it now. Jess, the memories, the dreams, the thoughts he left behind will remain. They will stay with you forever. I know it may seem hopeless, like there's no help in the world, no reason to live. But it's not like that, Jess! There are innumerable reasons to go on, to keep trying! What Walt did will always stay with you, and me, but we can get over it.
"Look at my situation: despite the abuse I suffered, I found someone that I love, and who loves me. He knows my history... and I know his.
"You will find someone, or something to live for. To strive for! Don't ever give up, Jess. I remember something Daisy said like her second day here. It was right after this kid ODed in the guys' dorm. She said, 'A popular belief these days is that death is just a portal to the next stage, that somehow this life is just a pit stop on a longer journey. Well, that's bull. This is it, and death is the end. Blackness, nothingness, no consciousness. This idea that you'll get to see who comes to your funeral is pathetic. You're dead, bud. The joke's on you. You are nothing but worm food. Dying sucks and you're an idiot if you think it's better than one more sunrise, one more chance to laugh.' I remember it because right after we left for our dorms, I wrote it in the journal we were supposed to be using. It was my first entry.
"I don't think you're suicidal. I don't think that at all! I'm just trying to show you that, no matter how bad it gets-how bad those dreams may seem-it's never better than nothingness. You will always wake up. You will always be safe! Walt can not hurt you anymore. He never will!
"By the way, Daisy is an immensely wise person, which is why I've always confided in her. You have to find someone like that. Just remember that Scott, Daisy, and I are always here for you as long as you need us!
"Jess, you are an extraordinarily smart person. You have your pride, you strength, and your feelings. Don't deprive the world of your thoughts and opinions. Live life to its fullest. You may, and probably will, get hurt, but it is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all. Remember that, forever! I'll be waiting for you when you return! Have fun, and don't be along. Not in your head, or your heart. It's too easy to get lost (Peter told me that one.)
"Love, Shelby.
"P.S. I will always love you. No matter what happens, NEVER allow yourself to think otherwise!"
[Neutral]
Jess just sat there looking at the name "Shelby." Suddenly, and without warning, the tears began to slide down her cheek. She made no attempt to stop them.
"Oh my god!" she whispered. "I can't believe this!" Then after a little while continued. "I'm going to get through this. Wait, what's this?" she asked herself, looking into the envelope. "Ah, that's so cool!"
[Jess]
Pictures!!!!!!!!! Nice! I can't believe it. There's even one with dad in it! I've never even met him! Wow, that's so awesome! This is such a spirit lifter. Oh, here's the one of us playing in the snow in Central Park! Ah, that was such a fun weekend! Shelby's so cute! Oh my gosh, I never thought I'd remember these things again. Wow, I'm so grateful!
********************************************************************************
[Andrew]
"Dear Andrew," are the first words. Why am I not able to go further? This is ridiculous. It's cause I'm a wimp! That's the only reason. Why can't I read this stupid fucked up letter? Because it's from her. That's just weird! Well, I gotta read this... here goes nothing.
"Dear Andrew,
"I don't have a lot of time, but I've got to write this. I know you will get this some day. My best friend will make sure you do. Anyways, I want to tell you, that, despite the fact that I ran a lot, I was never running from you! I love you with all my heart. You are, in fact, the only person that I was not running from. You are the only one that ever showed me any love at home. And I guess I really want to say thank you for that. You have no idea how much that meant to me. You'll never be able to fathom the importance of that.
"Second, I want to thank you deeply for helping me when the going got tough. I don't know what you decided on with him, but thanks for always helping me when he got violent. You know whom I'm talking of and I won't ruin this letter, this memory, by uttering his name. I just want to say I really appreciated that as well.
"Lastly, I want to give you some sisterly advice. Andrew, never change. Don't change yourself, your opinions, your beliefs, your morals, for anyone! They're not ever worth it. Stay true to yourself, no matter what. I probably won't be there for you like you have for me, and I'm so sorry for that, but remember that no matter what happens, I will always love you. Nothing will ever take that from me. You could do a million things I'd hate, but I'd still love you. You are my brother, and nothing will ever change that. I won't let it.
"Remember who you are. I love you, always.
"Patty."
[Neutral]
He stayed silent for a long time, just looking at the letter. Then, through the tears, he noticed something else in the envelope. He took it and stared at it. Utter hurt, but love, showing in his eyes that hid so much.
The face on the picture was smiling. She had shoulder length dark brown hair pulled back into a half ponytail. Quite a bit of hair was actually out of this ponytail and flowing over her face, but she didn't seem to mind. Her smile was wide and showed most of her teeth. It was a very "Julia Roberts" type smile, he thought. Her eyes were so dark and sad despite the fact that her face lit up the picture.
Andrew smiled sadly at the picture. "I never thought I'd see her again," he whispered.
He then got up and began making camp to for next two days.
********************************************************************************
[Kristen]
Oh my gosh. It can't be! This is not possible! I can't finish this now or I'll explode.
Let's see... what are those questions we're supposed to answer? Okay, here they are. Uh, "what is one thing you'd like to change about your past, before Horizon?" Oh wow, that's hard. Only one thing, huh? I'd have to say that would be leaving Julia.
Next: "Who is one person you miss above all else?" Wow, easy question! The only person I miss is Julia. Everyone else was terrible with me. I should talk to Peter about having her come for a visit.
These questions are getting tiresome. I'll try the letter once more. All right, where was I? Oh yes.
"Remember that one time where we went to the cottage in the north? Ah, that was fun. We went swimming when the water was so cold, but we didn't care. How nice it was to have no cares. Just be free for some time. I'm so glad we had those times together!
"Ah yes, and the time we sat up all night talking. Everyone else was trying to break down the door, but we had it barricaded. That was so much fun... except that was when everything started going wrong.
"I'm sorry, that Peter guy told me to try to bring back the good memories. Well, we have a lot of those. It won't be that hard. Let's see... Remember that one time we both skipped math together and went to see a movie? That was great cause it was the first time either of us had cut class. It was such a thrill.
"Remember Max? He was a good guy. Still is. He misses you a lot, you know? I mean, he was your best friend other than me and you left without telling him anything! Not even an address as to where to reach you or a phone number. Don't worry, I haven't said anything. You know, it will get harder and harder the longer you wait. I hate to preach this, but I think you know. He still talks about you. I'd give him a call if I were you.
"Anyways, I have some homework to do. It's getting so hectic as exams are soon. So I'll go do that. I'll talk to you later. Give me a call after you're done that quest thinger.
"I love you! Remember that!
"Julia."
Well, I am happy I finished it! How could I forget about Max? I'll get him to come down when she does. It'll be so much fun! I'll get to see two of my favourite people again! Wow, I can't wait.
Alright, might as well get going on the preparations. I do, after all, have three days to spend here. Wow, that's going to be fun! Notice the sarcasm in my voice... or rather my thoughts.
********************************************************************************
It had been a while now that Leonie had just been sitting there looking at something in her lap. On closer inspection, it appeared to be a teddy bear. It was a beautiful black bear. It had brown on the underside of its paws and on its muzzle.
[Leonie]
Beauty. That was her name. I remember now. The last time I saw her was... oh my god, the last time I saw her was the first time I cut. She was my favourite. She couldn't see me like that. I hid her. Where did I hide her though? Oh ya! I gave her to Laura. She was my best friend. Well, she probably gave mom Beauty. If I'm so happy to see her again, why does it hurt so much? Shouldn't it, like not hurt?
No, it hurts for a simple reason. That was the day I lost my innocence. That was the day that everything that had been hurting for so long had come out into the open. I had probably cut about ten deep cuts that day. I'm surprised I didn't die. No one even found out. I probably would've needed stitches, a lot too, but no one knew. No one cared enough to find out.
Why do I feel so rotten? Because you're a bad person! How do I get rid of it? You can cut, you know.
NO! I will not cut. I stopped that when I came here. I'm not going to become what I'm trying to get away from! I will not! I refuse to!
I don't want to see you anymore!
[Neutral]
Leonie yelled at her bear. She picked it up and flung it across the campsite. It hit a tree and fell in between two huge roots. Ley just stared at it, turned around and went into the tent that she had put up. She snuggled under her sleeping bag and fell asleep. It had been gradually getting dark for a while now, and it was pitch black when she did conk out. It had taken her some time to fall into a deep sleep as she kept waking up in tears, but finally peace came to her mind and body with the retrieval of Beauty.
[Leonie]
Ah, first light, what a beautiful sight!
Thank you, Beauty. You helped me again. The biggest mistake I ever made was giving you up. You are the only one who listened. You are the only one who didn't say hurtful comments. You are the only one who didn't cause me to cut and bleed and throw up. You are the only one who knew all my secrets. Thank you for not telling.
[Neutral]
As it was really early in the morning, Leonie fell asleep. This time, she was clutching Beauty to her chest. She was safe here; she knew it. She also had a long way to go, but at least now she was on the right track and knew how to help herself heal, and how to help Peter and Sophie help her. She felt content.
For the first time in 7 years, she fell asleep with a smile on her face.
********************************************************************************
It was now the second day of the solos and Marc had not touched what he had found in his bag. The second he'd picked them up, he'd thrown them straight back in his pack. He'd opted instead, to read and answer Peter's questions. He'd thought it exceedingly boring, but got it over with. He now had two full days to get over what he'd found in his bag, but that would never be enough.
"Whatever, I might as well just get over it and look at them," he said to himself. He walked over to his bag that lay close to where a fire had once been. "Here goes nothing." He reached into his bag and pulled out a small stack of photos.
[Marc]
Why did she have to send this? Why? Why bring back to the surface what was so well buried? Let's see.
Here's one of me as a baby. Ah, I was very cute, I must admit. What's this one? Here's one of my brother and me. We were so young. We look about 6 and 9. It's the winter and we're making snow angels. Ah, that was fun. The snow out there, it, uh, it covered everything. It covered the dirt; it covered the crap and the ugliness. The snow...
Ah, here's one from our family trip to Europe. That was so much fun. I can remember it all, word for word, move for move. It was great! James and I went everywhere alone. Our parents went off on their own. Right before we left, dad freaked out though. I remember it so clearly. He got very mad. I can't even remember over what, but he was so pissed. He started yelling at mom and getting a little violent. I think he flipped a table or something. James got mad, and told him to stop. He then turned on James and punched him so hard. I thought he was dead at first, but he was unconscious. He then turned on mom. And then... on me. I got the worst of all the beatings.
That's what led me to the hospital. That's what got me on morphine. That's when my addiction started. That addiction ruined my life!
It's okay now though. At least there are no more drugs for me to use. That withdrawal period was a little rough, but whatever, I'm over it and not very many people thought of it as withdrawal. They all thought I was just going nuts from being brought here. My anger was how I hid my withdrawal. No one really knew what I was addicted to except for Peter and Sophie. Oh well, I'm over that now. I'm never going back into that dark and dangerous gutter that is the life of a druggie.
It's okay; I'm over that. I'm okay. I'm okay! I know. If ever I get that urge, I know Peter and Kristen are going to be there for me. All the Cliffhangers and Rivergliders are going to be there as well. Sophie too. I'm glad I have people to support me now. I never really did. I only got into a lot of trouble when James left and he was the only one who ever supported me.
Well, that's a refreshing thought... Help will always be given at Horizon to those who ask for it... actually, even to those who don't ask. I finally feel really safe.
********************************************************************************
[Alex]
How did he know about this? This is so weird! I can't remember the last time I saw you! you were like my safety blanket, except so much better.
[Neutral]
Alex was holding a brown bear close to his chest. He had his eyes closed and his head hung down. From the back, he looked like a little kid again. One would not be able to tell the difference between the tough kid that had come to Horizon a few months previous, and a small child who was just holding his favourite toy. If the object of the solo was to bring back all of the teen's memories of their childhood, Peter had gotten it bang on with Alex.
[Alex]
I can't believe all images and memories this brings back. I can now remember the last time I saw this bear. It was when I was eleven. I decided I didn't like the kid thing anymore. He was the last toy I gave up. After that, I grew up. I feel like I'm coming straight out of Peter Pan. How you never grow up if you go to Neverland. I wouldn't have grown up had I kept him.
This forced me to grow up prematurely, I think, and go for things that I oughtn't to have. It led me into the drug life, the violent life, the gang life. If it hadn't been for all that crap, I would've been a well-adjusted teen. It certainly didn't help that dad went and slept around with whores!
Ah, how I miss my innocence. But most of all, I miss my childhood, and those carefree days that I spent just playing around with my buddies. That was so great. I remember one summer in which we played every day. It was so much fun.
[Neutral]
Those ghosts of summers past brought a smile to Alex's face. Not only did it bring happiness, but sadness. A single tear fell down his cheek. He missed those days so much. He was so mad that his parents had stopped caring about what he did and just left him to figure things out. A twelve-year-old child is not old enough to make those decisions. It takes an adult to counsel! Why were his parents not there? Well, his mom was always working as she was a very prominent lawyer and his dad, to get rid of his loneliness, slept around, drank, and did drugs. All in all, neither parent was vigilant enough to see what was happening to their child.
[Alex]
At least I'm away from their crappy lives now. Maybe I can finally re-build my own life! Maybe I can even get on with it. Only time will tell. At least I'm helping myself now. At least I've got people to help me. At least I finally have hope!
********************************************************************************
[James]
Wow, as much as I hated my life back at home, I really loved mom. I'm so happy she sent me these. I bet Marc got some too. These photos are so cool! I still can't believe we still had these! That's amazing... where'd she find them? I remember going through all our stuff when I was looking for money for drugs. She must've kept them really well hidden!
Wow, this is so amazing. Here's some of our trip to Europe. Yeah, that one didn't end too well...
Oh, and here we are that time Marc and I had gotten stuck to each other with glue. We thought that was hilarious... that is, until we had to get unstuck. It's like that time we decided it would be cool to see if our tongues really would get stuck to that metal gate in the middle of winter. That was a rather painful experience, if I do say so myself.
And the time we decided to cook for mother's day. Ah, that, uh, didn't end too well. I do believe we had to get some hired help for the mess we created. That was so hilarious. Here's the picture of that time. Oh my gosh. Marc and I, standing in the middle of a disgustingly dirty kitchen (which was spotless when we'd begun,) covered in flour, eggs, milk, and-is that-no way! And covered in popcorn. How did we manage that? Bottom line: never leave Marc and I to do something on our own in the kitchen... it's just not safe!
[Neutral]
James just sat there, chuckling at what he saw. He stayed like that for quite a while. When light was too scarce for him to see anymore, he went into his tent, and fell asleep almost instantly. He held only one photo.
On it, were James, Marc, their dad, and their mom, all laughing in their backyard. It had been a long time since that had been taken, but it was still fresh in his mind.
********************************************************************************
Alexis had fallen asleep to the tunes of that CD. When she'd woken up the next morning, she played CD again. While answering Peter's questions-which she'd given into as she was in a better mood-she'd listened to the CD. Finally she gave into the urge and began to sing.
"Is it enough to love? /Is it enough to breathe? /Somebody rip my heart out/And leave me here to bleed/Is it enough to die? /Somebody save my life/I'd rather be anything but ordinary please," she bellowed out. She was actually pretty well in tune, which was surprising considering how loud she was singing.
[Alexis]
Wow, I miss this song. This was my favourite. I thought, actually I still think it represents me impeccably.
"To walk within the lines/Would make my life so boring/I want to know that I/Have been to the extreme/So knock me off my feet/Come on now give it to me/Anything to make me feel alive."
I love this song. I can't believe I survived without this CD. I remember dancing around my room with that music blaring. Couldn't hear them fight. Couldn't hear Jules barf up her guts in between sobs. Couldn't hear Emma screaming through my door that it was my fault. Couldn't hear the world. How nice it is to be able to have something drown everything out. Everyone got so sick of that CD, but I loved it so much. It was so like me too: natural, original, but different.
After he beat me up and it hadn't been able to take that away, I never trusted it again. It didn't work anymore. I couldn't hear Jules if I'd wanted to, she was gone. Pretty soon after, I couldn't hear Emma, as she was gone too. She'd run. I was all alone. Mom and dad would get on my case about everything. If I wasn't perfect, dad'd beat me. If I was perfect, mom'd find something wrong. It was just like that. finally, I started giving them actual reasons to beat up on me. At least I knew I had done something wrong then, and I didn't try to find a reason for the beatings.
Well, thanks mom, first nice thing you've ever done. And for the first time, I'm actually grateful! I can't believe this. Why should I feel grateful to her?
Ah, here's "Complicated." I love this song, despite the fact that it was overly played on the radio.
Chill out what'cha yelling' for?
[Emma yelling at me.]
Lay back it's all been done before
[Me, cutting myself after another beating.]
And if, you could only let it be
[Juliette throwing up in the bathroom.]
You will see
[People making fun of me about how I dressed like a skater.]
I like you the way you are
[Times with Michael, my boyfriend.]
When we're drivin' in your car
[The only times I was happy after Em and Jules left.]
And you're talking to me one on one
[Talks I used to have with Angie, my best friend.]
But you've become
[Everyone changed, and I was left to deal with it.]
Somebody else 'round everyone else
[I had to change to, so I put up a fake persona.]
You're watching your back like you can't relax
[I couldn't let anyone know the real me.]
You're tryin' to be cool
[I had to play the part right, right? So I faked everything!]
You look like a fool to me
[I didn't like myself. I hated myself. I still do! No one here knows me!]
Tell me why'd you have to go and make things so complicated?
[Why'd everyone have to change? Why'd they have to start using me as their punching bag?]
I see the way you're acting like you're somebody else gets me frustrated
[Why'd I have to start cutting? Why'd I have to change my person to fit the public mold?]
Life's like this you
[I got so screwed up!]
And you fall and you crawl
[And I couldn't get back up.]
And you break and you take
[I broke into to place, took what wasn't mine, and broke anything I wanted to.]
What you get
[Is what I deserved... only to a certain point!]
And you turn it into honesty
[Hey! I had to lie! It seemed honest to everyone, except to me.]
And promise me I'm never gonna find you fake it
[That's what Angie started saying, then I started having to really lie to her. It hurt so much, so I stopped being friends with her. I withdrew from the world.]
You come over unannounced
[My dad coming up to me and hitting me.]
Dressed up like you're somethin' else
[Him yelling at me about how he hates how I look, how I dress.]
Where you are and where it's at you see
[I didn't know what was happening anymore!]
You're making me laugh out when you strike your pose
[I couldn't believe how pathetic I was! I was such a fraud!]
Take off all your preppy clothes
[Michael getting mad at me, and raping me.]
You know you're not fooling anyone
[He yelled that at me.]
When you've become somebody else.
[I hate myself!]
[Neutral]
She ripped off the earphones, threw the CD player across her tent, ran out and fell to the ground crying. It started to rain lightly, but she didn't care. She just laid there, crying her eyes out, letting out all the bad memories. Release! It was so beautiful right now!
********************************************************************************
[Emma]
My fingers move so swiftly over my imaginary keys. My eyes close. My voice starts singing out my old songs.
These were the songs I'd written for the piano. I used to sit there and just play all day. When Belle was born, I wrote one for her. It was so happy. When she got sick, I dropped into a sad phase. It was all very exposing. That's why I had to stop when I started being abused. I also couldn't play when I was running away. If I was at a bar with one of my "clients" and there was a piano, and there weren't too many people, I'd play. I'd play when I was down mostly. I had to play the happy songs to cover up. But it was such a release.
I never played Horizon's piano. I never had the time, and I never had the will to bear my soul. It was just such a risk. I feel able to play now, but there isn't a piano. Oh well, I remember this tune perfectly.
[Neutral]
Emma just hummed away. Tears started flowing from her eyes, but she hummed away. Her voice started cracking, but she just kept humming. Finally, she just couldn't hum any more. It was too much of a strain. So she started yelling. She would bellow out the tune, the words, the melody, anything. She had to get this out.
[Emma]
Despite how much this hurts, I need to do it. I don't know why. I just need to do this. If I don't, I think I just might die.
The weight just seems to lift. Wow, this reminds me of "Hailie's Song." Apart from my piano, I listened to rap all the time. Belle grew up to that music. I'm surprised she's not insane!
"Sometimes it feels like the world's on my shoulders/Everyone's leaning on me. /Well sometimes it feels like the world's almost over/But then she comes back to me." Ah, Eminem always soothed me... amazingly enough.
"But suddenly it just seems/ Like my shoulder blades have just shifted/ It's like the greatest gift you can get / The weight has been lifted."
That's how I feel. When I think of Belle, all my worries leave. The weight of the world's gone, it's lifted... until I start thinking of other things.
I hate my past. At least I've got Belle to comfort me. When I hug her all my memories are gone. She doesn't judge me. She doesn't hurt me. She takes my pain away from me. I love her so much. She's like my child. A big, brown, furry child! I laugh! Ah, everything's right in the world, when Belle is there.
Thanks, mom, for making me remember my songs. I will play them as soon as I get back.
********************************************************************************
Since Daisy had a very hard time breaking David's spirit, she did it in what she knew David would see first, that way she could get his spirits up elsewhere. She had more than enough stuff to make him laugh and smile. Where Shelby had given Jess hope, Daisy gave David hope and laughter. She didn't want to only give him what he was expecting and what he needed, but she wanted to give him a little extra.
"Dear David,
"This is not your mother writing... it's Daisy. You're probably trying to figure out how I knew that you thought that your mother would be writing. Okay I'll stop, or you'll probably get too freaked out to finish reading this.
"So, you remember how you got me to go to Peter's office and never saw me again? Well, that was because I went to do this package. Don't look at the other stuff yet! It's there purely for enjoyment purposes. Alright, so I'll go on about this stuff. Peter asked me to put this together, as David is a rather anti-social kid (just kidding.) It's because you haven't opened up to anyone else, not even him. Your parents didn't send it down because your dad was on an army mission (I know you already guessed that) and your mom... she moved and didn't renew her address to Peter. Don't worry, we'll find her!
"Okay, so the mushy stuff first. Oh joy. Okay, David, I know you got into drugs; I know you got into insane levels of alcohol; and I know you beat up a kid at school within an inch of his life. This was not too much of a surprise to me, considering all the 'lost souls' we have here at Horizon. What did surprise me was that your dad abused you, physically and mentally. Actually, more than anything, it hurt me. I really do love you, and when I think that that could've happened to you, I won't lie, it hurts. Look, my dad did the same to me, mind you he was always drunk, but he still mentally abused me. The thing is, when he threatened physical abuse I couldn't take it. As I've told Hannah (a counselor who used to work here), I wanted to off him. The only reason I didn't is because I didn't think I could cry for the police.
"You're probably wondering why I was so sad at the funeral. Think about it. Despite the fact that you probably hate your dad for doing that to you, don't you have some kind of hope that you two could fix your relationship? In any case, I did, and it hurt me when he decided to keep drinking instead of stopping and living, even if it was only for his daughter!
"You never really talk about your mom. I know you thought of her as an amazing woman and I'm sure she was. I really respect the courage it would've taken to walk out on your father. As much as she probably feared life with him, she almost certainly feared life even more without him. It takes a lot of bravery to give that up and rough it on your own. It also takes a lot of strength to put up with you! I'm just kidding! In the end, I'm amazingly grateful to your mother. Why? Because she brought you to Horizon. She brought you to help, to a better life... and to me! And had she not, I don't know what I would've done.
"You are an awesome person, David. I know you have doubts about that sometimes. I can see it in your eyes (not to mention in the cards). You are awesome at hiding it that is, from everyone but me! I applaud your efforts, but you can't hide anything from me. After all, I was the first to know a lot of people's pasts and secrets, or one of the first.
"Anyways, don't give up hope. Not now, not ever. If anything ever happens that could possibly make you think anything bad about yourself just remember this sentence: I love you! I love you no matter what! If you ever doubt it, just look at the other thing in the envelope.
"Love always and forever,
"Daisy Graves."
[David]
I laughed at the signature. I love it when she jokes around like that. I had been holding in the tears, and it feels good to laugh. I actually got kind of scared when she started talking about my dad, but I'm all right. My dad can't hurt me here. I was also really hurt that mom left and didn't let me know. It's just like walking out, except much less guilt. It leaves the same ugly emptiness. Oh well! I have Daisy, and now that's all that matters.
I still hate the fact that both my parents hated me. There was so much tension in my family. Even after mom left, there was a still load of hatred around. I hated that. Why couldn't both just like each other? It didn't even have to be love, but at least no screaming and fighting.
Even better, would've been no hitting. Even before mom left, dad had started beating up on me. I hated that more than anything. It was the worst feeling in the world. To know that the one person you look up to hates you more than anything. It sucked, in every sense of the word. As hot tears began to sting my eyes, I remembered something Daisy had mentioned in the letter.
[Neutral]
He opened the letter and took something out of it. The tears that were threatening to fall, fell.
[David]
I remember this one. It was the one that Juliette took when she started going nuts with that camera of hers again. Daisy stole it from her and hid it. We'd laughed about that a lot. Jules kept saying it was the best one of us, and that she couldn't find it. We both knew what had happened, and we were the only ones. I doubt Dais even told Shelby.
It's the one where we're standing under the gazebo, and smiling... which doesn't happen too often around others. I'm propped up on her shoulder, with my face turned to her. Wait, there's something written on the back.
"Yours forever! Daisy." Oh my god! That's so cute! That's so not Daisy, which makes it even more special.
Hold on, that package has more to it than just this. She said that too in the letter.
Here's the bag. Okay, so there's a CD and a CD player (one being quite useless without the other) and a book. The book is black, how fitting. Wait, what book is it? First page: An Ideal Husband, by Oscar Wilde. Okay then! I must say, I wasn't expecting that one! I wonder why she gave me that...
[Neutral]
As he opened the book he noticed a note.
"To David, in recognition of his amazingly witty humor. Oscar would've been proud! From Daisy (in case you forget.)" He smiled to himself. Daisy always had a way of doing that.
"Let's see what CD it is," he said.
He pulled it out of the bag. It had a picture of Daisy and him on the cover. Okay, so it's a mix, he thought. He looked on the inside of the cover. There was a list of 15 songs. There were the following: "Wonderful," Everclear; "I'll Be," Edwin McCain; "Hailie's Song," and "Sing for the Moment," Eminem; "Running for Home," Matthew Good Band; "Angel," Sarah McLaughlan; "I Shall Believe," Sheryl Crow; "It's My Life," Bon Jovi; "Unwanted," Avril Lavigne; "Summer of our Discontent," Captain Tractor; "Love is Not Enough," from the "Life as a House" soundtrack; "Monkey Wrench," Foo Fighters; "Lost in a Supermarket," The Clash; "Lithium," Nirvana; and "Keeping Secrets," Motor Ace.
He put it in the player and listened. He loved every song on it. Maybe some more than others, but he loved that Daisy had put them together. He also found hope or consolation in some. In others he just found a way to vent all his frustration with the world. He started reading his book as he listened to the CD. He soon found quite a few margin notes that Daisy had left behind.
[David]
She's obviously read over this quite a few times. Ah, there are quite a few funny ones. When Lord Goring says: "Have you missed me?" Mabel says "Awfully!" and he responds by "Then I am sorry I did not stay away longer. I like being missed," Daisy writes "Just like you. How very selfish of you... oh sorry, that's Mabel's line." There are quite a few more like that. it's gonna be an excellent read! Let's get to it then.
[Neutral]
David brought his stuff into the tent, lay down, and began to read. As he read a smile formed on his lips. As Peter checked on David's camp, he heard laughter coming from his tent. He smiled to himself.
"Good job, Dais. I'm proud of you," he whispered and left.
********************************************************************************
"Peter, how much longer?" David whined.
"What's up with you? It's like the tenth time in five minutes!" Alexis shot back.
"Shut up! I have my reasons," he replied harshly.
"Guys! Calm it! We'll be there in a minute, David," Peter added with a smile. He knew that David was dying to see Daisy.
For the remaining minute, Alexis and David fought. The others just ignored them with many sighs and rolling of the eyes. Finally, David put his headphones on and listened to the CD. When the arrived, he was first out of the car, running toward the girls' dorm. He burst in at full speed. This made Jules and Auggie jump.
"I won't even ask what you're doing here. Jules, where's Daisy?" he said quickly. Juliette blushed.
"Uh, Shel's room, I think." David just left the same way he'd arrived. He made it to Shelby and Scott's room in less than 30 seconds, which wasn't very safe, as he knocked more than one person over.
He opened the door without knocking. He ran in on Shelby and Scott making out.
"David! What are you doing?" Shelby screamed.
"Where's Dais?" he asked quickly.
"Lodge," Scott said firmly. David left, again at top speed. He entered the lodge the same way he did with every other room. His eyes immediately met Daisy's. He ran over to her. She stood up to meet him. He took her in his arms and gave her a huge kiss. Everyone started clapping and whooping. Roger was about to stop them, when Sophie stopped him. She'd seen his entire display. She just laughed.
"Let him, Rog, he's had a tough solo."
"Soph! We just can't let him, though," Roger protested.
"Ya, Peter said the same thing. Don't worry, he agreed with me in the end. Just let it go one time," she said with a pat.
David just kept kissing Daisy until she had to break it off to breathe. This is when people started screaming "Get a room!" They both laughed. Daisy just grabbed David's hand and led him out of the room. She led him to the docks.
"I take it you liked your surprise," she said with a sly smile.
"I love you," was all he said before taking her in his arms and kissing her deeply again. When she pulled away for a breath, she whispered too.
"I love you too, David." Then she began kissing him again. They stayed like that for quite a while. The evening finished with them sitting on the edge, their feet dangling in the lake, holding each other silently.