I found myself in considerably better spirits the next day. When I woke, it was to the sound of the birds on my windowsill. It was still rather early for none of my dorm-mates were up yet. I dressed and made my way downstairs, potions text in hand. If I could finish it by the end of breakfast, that would lighten my load for the whole day. As I entered the great hall I suddenly struck any thought of being productive out of my head. James was sitting at the table, looking blindly through a magazine. It was stupid to think that I could possibly avoid being seen by him and it was also stupid to think that I would actually be able to get anything done with him there. I gave a sigh of resignation and headed for the table. I found some older girls who I was friends with and sat with them. This would only prolong the inevitable, but there was always the slight chance that he might not have seen me.
"Hello sunshine. We're up a little early aren't we?" So much for that idea. I could hear the smile in his voice despite the fact that I refused to look up from my essay. Come hell or high water I was going to finish this essay.
"Hello James. If you hadn't noticed, I'm a tad bit busy." I was praying that he would get the hint. I really didn't feel like being nasty to anyone this early in the morning. It's not natural.
"Oh, the potions essay. Oh yes, that certainly was dreadful. Did mine yesterday, you want some help?" After a minute amount of consideration I assented and within ten minutes, the rest of my essay was completed. Whether it was right or not, was a different story altogether, but for some strange reason, I trusted that he would never give me false information.
"Thanks a bunch. Now that this is done, I can actually use this time to eat breakfast. I'm surprised that you, of all people did your essay early. What got into you?" Innocent as I thought the question was, James took on a somewhat surprised, hurtful look. I supposed that it was rather presumptuous of me to think that he never studied or was completely incompetent. I mean, I really didn't know him that well at all.
"Just because I can be a jackass doesn't mean that I don't do any work. I gotta be able to keep up with you somehow," he smirked, "now if you would like to join me for a walk after you finish your breakfast..." The fact of the matter was, I didn't enjoy this much attention from James and he knew it. He loved to see me squirm. He knew I didn't like the same sort of stuff as most other girls and girly stuff made me quite uncomfortable. I knew what he was up to. I knew what that smile was about.
"As awkward and unappealing as a walk sounds, James, I'm gonna have to decline the offer. I filled my quota for awkward already this month thanks. Besides, it's freezing outside. If you hadn't noticed, it is December. But thanks all the same." I smiled curtly and went back to my toast. There was a moment of unbearable silence. I wasn't sure if he was hurt, if he was spacing out, or what was going on.
"I've got a question for you though. Let me ask you, why...why would that make you uncomfortable?" I cursed myself repeatedly for ever giving the impression that I would let anything be uncomfortable between he and I. Now I had to figure out a way to make it seem as though I really didn't care and I just didn't feel like walking. Just as I was going to dig myself deeper into this hole, Sirius jumped onto James' back completely throwing him off guard. I took this time to slip a half-hearted excuse to Remus and made my exit quickly. I hated being asked things like that outright. It was always difficult for me to ever respond and look the least bit intelligent due to the involuntary blushing that would commence once the question was said.
Through painstaking efforts, I was able to avoid James for the rest of the day and the rest of the week for that matter. Every time he would come to talk to me, I would begin a conversation with whomever was near me, veer in the other direction, or, as chance would have it, one of his friends or female admirers would block his way just giving me enough time to escape without looking like I was trying to. I was sure that he knew something was up though, and whether or not I wanted to, I was sure that I would end up talking to him about this on the following Sunday.
Sunday came, along with a good deal of awkward silences. The one thing I had no tolerance for. I hated awkward situations, I hated people who made you feel awkward, it's a horrible feeling and nobody likes it. It didn't last long though. I was halfway through one of the charms we were to be tested on that week when, "So, why would that have been awkward for you? You never did tell me you know, and I have the sneaking suspicion that you've been avoiding me all week."
"I haven't been avoiding you...per se....I just...I don't like uncomfortable situations and you know that. Ha, actually, situations such as this."
"Yes, but why would it be uncomfortable? If we went on a walk? A walk? Lily, you put one foot in front of the other and repeat the process. I've seen you do it a thousand times, in fact, you're a damned pro."
"It's not the walk that's uncomfortable doofus. What would we have to say? Nothing. We have nothing in common. All we do is bark at each other. And you know I don't mean literally, so close your mouth. See? That's exactly what I mean though. I didn't feel like being witty and nasty that early in the morning. That's all." It wasn't a lie. I really didn't feel up to it at that time. I also didn't want to find myself hanging on is every word though, as I caught myself doing lately. It scared me, the thought of finding someone so interesting. Right, interesting. Even in my head I couldn't admit that it wasn't just 'interesting'.
"Well, obviously you're up for it now, so I say we go for a walk. It's still light out, they're not going to say anything." He knew I would bring up the point of Filch and his goons, roaming the grounds, looking for students out past curfew. I had painted myself into a corner and he knew it. I couldn't say no, then I would have to produce a viable excuse. I reluctantly agreed, but only after we had finished the current lesson. This gave me a few more minutes to stall, maybe even think of a way out of it. I didn't really have any good reason not to go on a walk though. That's what made my dread of the whole situation seem silly.
I kept telling myself that I was overreacting, and I was. I just didn't see it at the time. I only saw a chance for disaster. We made our way out to the grounds and it was freezing-absolutely frigid. I didn't' let it show that I was cold though. I always had a problem showing any weakness in front of James. Anybody else and I would've been telling them how cold it was every ten seconds. I guess my blue lips gave me away.
"Lily, here." He put his cloak around me. I tried to tell him I was fine, but the chattering that escaped my lips in between my words gave me away.
"Alright, fine. Thank you James. Now why did you want to go on a walk so badly?"
"Why did you not want to go on a walk so badly?"
"I told you. I didn't want to be cold, like I am now, and it was much too early to put up with you...Honestly, you really bring out the worst in me and I don't know why. I mean, I can't ever seem to be nice when I'm with you. I don't understand it." I figured this should be safe ground to tread. We would talk about our constant banter.
"Well, I guess I bring it out of you. I enjoy our little squabbles. It's not like we're really fighting over anything and I think that's the beauty of it. You and I never have anything substantial to fight over, and I don't think we ever will. Like it or not, Lily, we do get along. Quite well, too." We walked on in silence for a few moments. The grounds really were lovely and I didn't realize that I was looking around with an easy smile on my face. This was a rare sight for James. Usually I was mad but grinning at something he'd said. It was never just a careless smile. "You really have a gorgeous smile...when you're not knitting your brows in agitation at me." He grinned mercilessly at me. I couldn't take it. This was the awkwardness that I was afraid was going to happen. How was I supposed to answer that? Thank him? Yell at him?
"As you said before, it's not always my fault that I end up getting agitated, but despite that, thank you. Should we be heading in now?" I started to quicken my pace as I realized what he was about to do. Unfortunately this didn't deter him and his arm came to rest on my shoulders.
"Hello sunshine. We're up a little early aren't we?" So much for that idea. I could hear the smile in his voice despite the fact that I refused to look up from my essay. Come hell or high water I was going to finish this essay.
"Hello James. If you hadn't noticed, I'm a tad bit busy." I was praying that he would get the hint. I really didn't feel like being nasty to anyone this early in the morning. It's not natural.
"Oh, the potions essay. Oh yes, that certainly was dreadful. Did mine yesterday, you want some help?" After a minute amount of consideration I assented and within ten minutes, the rest of my essay was completed. Whether it was right or not, was a different story altogether, but for some strange reason, I trusted that he would never give me false information.
"Thanks a bunch. Now that this is done, I can actually use this time to eat breakfast. I'm surprised that you, of all people did your essay early. What got into you?" Innocent as I thought the question was, James took on a somewhat surprised, hurtful look. I supposed that it was rather presumptuous of me to think that he never studied or was completely incompetent. I mean, I really didn't know him that well at all.
"Just because I can be a jackass doesn't mean that I don't do any work. I gotta be able to keep up with you somehow," he smirked, "now if you would like to join me for a walk after you finish your breakfast..." The fact of the matter was, I didn't enjoy this much attention from James and he knew it. He loved to see me squirm. He knew I didn't like the same sort of stuff as most other girls and girly stuff made me quite uncomfortable. I knew what he was up to. I knew what that smile was about.
"As awkward and unappealing as a walk sounds, James, I'm gonna have to decline the offer. I filled my quota for awkward already this month thanks. Besides, it's freezing outside. If you hadn't noticed, it is December. But thanks all the same." I smiled curtly and went back to my toast. There was a moment of unbearable silence. I wasn't sure if he was hurt, if he was spacing out, or what was going on.
"I've got a question for you though. Let me ask you, why...why would that make you uncomfortable?" I cursed myself repeatedly for ever giving the impression that I would let anything be uncomfortable between he and I. Now I had to figure out a way to make it seem as though I really didn't care and I just didn't feel like walking. Just as I was going to dig myself deeper into this hole, Sirius jumped onto James' back completely throwing him off guard. I took this time to slip a half-hearted excuse to Remus and made my exit quickly. I hated being asked things like that outright. It was always difficult for me to ever respond and look the least bit intelligent due to the involuntary blushing that would commence once the question was said.
Through painstaking efforts, I was able to avoid James for the rest of the day and the rest of the week for that matter. Every time he would come to talk to me, I would begin a conversation with whomever was near me, veer in the other direction, or, as chance would have it, one of his friends or female admirers would block his way just giving me enough time to escape without looking like I was trying to. I was sure that he knew something was up though, and whether or not I wanted to, I was sure that I would end up talking to him about this on the following Sunday.
Sunday came, along with a good deal of awkward silences. The one thing I had no tolerance for. I hated awkward situations, I hated people who made you feel awkward, it's a horrible feeling and nobody likes it. It didn't last long though. I was halfway through one of the charms we were to be tested on that week when, "So, why would that have been awkward for you? You never did tell me you know, and I have the sneaking suspicion that you've been avoiding me all week."
"I haven't been avoiding you...per se....I just...I don't like uncomfortable situations and you know that. Ha, actually, situations such as this."
"Yes, but why would it be uncomfortable? If we went on a walk? A walk? Lily, you put one foot in front of the other and repeat the process. I've seen you do it a thousand times, in fact, you're a damned pro."
"It's not the walk that's uncomfortable doofus. What would we have to say? Nothing. We have nothing in common. All we do is bark at each other. And you know I don't mean literally, so close your mouth. See? That's exactly what I mean though. I didn't feel like being witty and nasty that early in the morning. That's all." It wasn't a lie. I really didn't feel up to it at that time. I also didn't want to find myself hanging on is every word though, as I caught myself doing lately. It scared me, the thought of finding someone so interesting. Right, interesting. Even in my head I couldn't admit that it wasn't just 'interesting'.
"Well, obviously you're up for it now, so I say we go for a walk. It's still light out, they're not going to say anything." He knew I would bring up the point of Filch and his goons, roaming the grounds, looking for students out past curfew. I had painted myself into a corner and he knew it. I couldn't say no, then I would have to produce a viable excuse. I reluctantly agreed, but only after we had finished the current lesson. This gave me a few more minutes to stall, maybe even think of a way out of it. I didn't really have any good reason not to go on a walk though. That's what made my dread of the whole situation seem silly.
I kept telling myself that I was overreacting, and I was. I just didn't see it at the time. I only saw a chance for disaster. We made our way out to the grounds and it was freezing-absolutely frigid. I didn't' let it show that I was cold though. I always had a problem showing any weakness in front of James. Anybody else and I would've been telling them how cold it was every ten seconds. I guess my blue lips gave me away.
"Lily, here." He put his cloak around me. I tried to tell him I was fine, but the chattering that escaped my lips in between my words gave me away.
"Alright, fine. Thank you James. Now why did you want to go on a walk so badly?"
"Why did you not want to go on a walk so badly?"
"I told you. I didn't want to be cold, like I am now, and it was much too early to put up with you...Honestly, you really bring out the worst in me and I don't know why. I mean, I can't ever seem to be nice when I'm with you. I don't understand it." I figured this should be safe ground to tread. We would talk about our constant banter.
"Well, I guess I bring it out of you. I enjoy our little squabbles. It's not like we're really fighting over anything and I think that's the beauty of it. You and I never have anything substantial to fight over, and I don't think we ever will. Like it or not, Lily, we do get along. Quite well, too." We walked on in silence for a few moments. The grounds really were lovely and I didn't realize that I was looking around with an easy smile on my face. This was a rare sight for James. Usually I was mad but grinning at something he'd said. It was never just a careless smile. "You really have a gorgeous smile...when you're not knitting your brows in agitation at me." He grinned mercilessly at me. I couldn't take it. This was the awkwardness that I was afraid was going to happen. How was I supposed to answer that? Thank him? Yell at him?
"As you said before, it's not always my fault that I end up getting agitated, but despite that, thank you. Should we be heading in now?" I started to quicken my pace as I realized what he was about to do. Unfortunately this didn't deter him and his arm came to rest on my shoulders.