"What's the rush? Are you really that cold?" He tried to rub my arms in a sad attempt at warming them. I figured, maybe I wasn't really that cold…
"No well, I'm not that cold. But it is sort of getting darker…and I don't know, we're probably going to get in trouble or maybe-" He interrupted me.
"Relax Lil. We're not going to get in trouble. If I'm not mistaken, tomorrow's a holiday." The thought had completely slipped my mind. Tomorrow began the Christmas holiday. Now this was too strange.
"Then why didn't you tell me before I started going over that stupid Charms lesson? We both could've avoided any unnecessary schoolwork." Before the sentence even left my mouth I feared the answer. I didn't want to hear it, but I knew it was coming. I prayed that he wouldn't say it. He couldn't like me. It would make everything so much harder.
"Lily, do you know why I asked you to help tutor me in the first place?" I shook my head. "Well, besides the fact that you do excel in charms, it was an opportunity to see for myself what I had heard for the past few years." He looked down at me smiling. His cheeks were glowing. He was freezing but he put up the appearance that he really enjoyed the brisk air. His nose was raw-red too. It was so cute I smiled involuntarily.
"James, not to detract from what you're saying, but you look so very cold. I really think maybe we should be heading in soon." He agreed and we started to turn back. "Now, what is it that you had been hearing from whom. You know if it was from Sirius, I'll bet you ten galleons it's probably not true…" He chuckled slightly.
"No it was from a bunch of different people. Sirius just happened to be one of them. Remus and Arabella, Amos even and he has the worst opinions of everybody. I felt like I was missing out on something. Besides which, I've never been close friends with a red head. I wanted to see what it was like." He laughed a little and I elbowed him. I caught myself in the midst of furrowing my brow when I stopped and thought of how many times a day I really did make that face at James. I really didn't have any reason to. He was right. We didn't fight about anything substantial.
"Well I'm glad everyone thinks so highly of me that the infamous James Potter had to check it out for himself. And now you did. See there's that then. So I guess I'll see you around school and whatnot." I tried to slip out from under his arm and hand him back his cloak but he only grabbed me around the waist.
"Wait a second here. Where's the fire? HA! On your head. Oof! Sorry, sorry. I guess that elbow was deserved then. See, you're right in one aspect. I have seen for myself. But I didn't think it was going to be like… some sort of… trial friendship thing. Rent-a-friend or something. Truth be told, I find you really interesting, fun to be with…and you're easy on the eyes too." He winked at this and again I went for the elbow in the ribs. He caught my arm this time. I couldn't be bothered. I had other things to worry about. I didn't need him to add on to it. What did I ever agree to go on this walk for? Why did I ever agree to tutor him?
"I'm glad you think so, believe me, but as far as I'm concerned, I really couldn't be bothered right now. I'm sorry, but there are a lot of things on my plate right now. I really don't have room for one more." I managed to get out of his grasp and throw his cloak over his shoulder. I jogged inside and made my way up to the library. Everything was going to be fine. Tomorrow began the Christmas holiday and he would go home and I would go home and when we came back, neither of us would have remembered this whole problem and we could spend the rest of the year being cordial to each other with nothing behind it. I tried to find solace in a book.
"Why do you insist on doing things like that?" Ugh. I couldn't get rid of him. He was like a bad habit.
"Do what? I told you what I thought and I came inside." Again, not a lie, but not the whole of the situation either…
"Lily, you know what I mean. Why do you always insist on dismissing things that don't fit or that you didn't expect? I know that's why you didn't go when I first asked you to go on a walk. I know why you would think it uncomfortable and all I can say is , yes some of it is kind of uncomfortable, but you can get past that. I think we did. Well, I thought we did, and then you decided to ditch again…" He looked at me expectantly. He wanted me to pick up where he left off-to clue him in.
"Look here's the deal. You know close to nothing about me. I know exactly the same about you. You and I are different and we rarely ever have a civil conversation. Even if we tried to find out about each other I'm sure neither of us could resist making some smart-ass remark. Besides that James, I was perfectly happy going through the motions this year. You're right. I really enjoyed the fact that everything was fitting together, despite how very full my schedule and life had become. I don't have time or room for another 'friend' or whatever in my life. I'm sorry." I tried to go back to my book. Unfortunately he didn't take this as a rejection and just sort of sat there, waiting for me to explain further. I didn't feel the need to. I didn't need to explain anything to him.
"Alright fine. I don't have time for you. Would you like me to explain why?" He nodded, as I had suspected. "Ok. This is our sixth year. This means that promotion to head girl is up for grabs and I need to work extra hard to secure the position. On top of that, I have prefect obligations. Not to mention friends I've already made commitments to and then there's my family…" I didn't want to talk about my family. I didn't want to get into it. I pleaded internally that it would end there. Of course it didn't.
"Your family…Your family what Evans? Come on now, you can't just allude to something and then expect me not to be intrigued. Let's hear it. Why does your family make you so busy." This was it.
"Ok. I hope you have a good amount of time on your hands." He nodded and I sighed. He asked for it.
"Well, when I was twelve, my father got hit by a drunk driver on his way home from work. He had the graveyard shift and he was rather drowsy. Either way, the driver swears he didn't see him, but it's too late for that now, isn't it? Anyway, so after his funeral, my mother, who had taken the loss particularly hard, began to drink. This was, unfortunately, a gateway drug that only led her to multiple other escapes. She became abusive and around the time I was 14 she was arrested for possession and all of that. She did her time, came home and then she found out she had Cirrhosis of the Liver. From then on, she spent most of her time in the hospital, leaving me and my older sister to care for each other. Petunia, that's my sister, couldn't really…handle the responsibility. She ended up marrying the first guy who would have her just so she could have a normal life. That's all she ever wanted. Anything that was associated with abnormality, she cut ties with, including me. Witches aren't normal in the muggle world. So, here I am. Last school year, when I turned sixteen, I had to go to court and say who I would rather live with. My sister, who refused to even speak to me anymore, or my mother who was never there and couldn't hold a job due to her chronic hospitalization. So she couldn't pay for her apartment. I chose my mother. This past summer I spent every waking moment I had working so that I could pay the rent for those months and this school year as well. Luckily, neither of us were ever there much so we didn't have to buy much in ways of food, spend money on electricity, heat, etc. This Christmas holiday, I have to go home and work 60 hours just so my mother can keep her apartment for January. If you hadn't noticed already, every other weekend I travel to Chelmsford and work 12 hours on Saturdays. That's why I'm never here and that's why I told you I could help you on Sunday nights." I took a deep breath. I had no idea why I had told him all of this. He and I weren't even that close. I didn't understand it at all. But I had a strange feeling that he wouldn't disclose any of this information to anyone unless I had given him the go ahead.
We sat in the library in silence for a few minutes. He was taking it all in, I was sure. I was reading my book, waiting for him to say something. A few pages in, he cleared his throat.
"First of all, wow. I mean, Lily you're a saint for Chrissake! I don't know ANY 16-year-old who would be able to handle that. You get my utmost respect. Secondly, no 16-year-old should have to handle that and I had NO idea that anything like that was going on. I don't know what to say. I'm sorry I was so persistent. I guess I do understand that you don't have any time. I mean, I wish you did, but I understand. And third, thank you for being honest with me. I really appreciate that you didn't just blow me off like a lot of girls tend to do." He scooted his chair closer to mine and came close. He whispered, "Finally, I know you don't have any spare time, but if you get some, I'll be here waiting. Just let me know ok?" He kissed me on the cheek and left.
"No well, I'm not that cold. But it is sort of getting darker…and I don't know, we're probably going to get in trouble or maybe-" He interrupted me.
"Relax Lil. We're not going to get in trouble. If I'm not mistaken, tomorrow's a holiday." The thought had completely slipped my mind. Tomorrow began the Christmas holiday. Now this was too strange.
"Then why didn't you tell me before I started going over that stupid Charms lesson? We both could've avoided any unnecessary schoolwork." Before the sentence even left my mouth I feared the answer. I didn't want to hear it, but I knew it was coming. I prayed that he wouldn't say it. He couldn't like me. It would make everything so much harder.
"Lily, do you know why I asked you to help tutor me in the first place?" I shook my head. "Well, besides the fact that you do excel in charms, it was an opportunity to see for myself what I had heard for the past few years." He looked down at me smiling. His cheeks were glowing. He was freezing but he put up the appearance that he really enjoyed the brisk air. His nose was raw-red too. It was so cute I smiled involuntarily.
"James, not to detract from what you're saying, but you look so very cold. I really think maybe we should be heading in soon." He agreed and we started to turn back. "Now, what is it that you had been hearing from whom. You know if it was from Sirius, I'll bet you ten galleons it's probably not true…" He chuckled slightly.
"No it was from a bunch of different people. Sirius just happened to be one of them. Remus and Arabella, Amos even and he has the worst opinions of everybody. I felt like I was missing out on something. Besides which, I've never been close friends with a red head. I wanted to see what it was like." He laughed a little and I elbowed him. I caught myself in the midst of furrowing my brow when I stopped and thought of how many times a day I really did make that face at James. I really didn't have any reason to. He was right. We didn't fight about anything substantial.
"Well I'm glad everyone thinks so highly of me that the infamous James Potter had to check it out for himself. And now you did. See there's that then. So I guess I'll see you around school and whatnot." I tried to slip out from under his arm and hand him back his cloak but he only grabbed me around the waist.
"Wait a second here. Where's the fire? HA! On your head. Oof! Sorry, sorry. I guess that elbow was deserved then. See, you're right in one aspect. I have seen for myself. But I didn't think it was going to be like… some sort of… trial friendship thing. Rent-a-friend or something. Truth be told, I find you really interesting, fun to be with…and you're easy on the eyes too." He winked at this and again I went for the elbow in the ribs. He caught my arm this time. I couldn't be bothered. I had other things to worry about. I didn't need him to add on to it. What did I ever agree to go on this walk for? Why did I ever agree to tutor him?
"I'm glad you think so, believe me, but as far as I'm concerned, I really couldn't be bothered right now. I'm sorry, but there are a lot of things on my plate right now. I really don't have room for one more." I managed to get out of his grasp and throw his cloak over his shoulder. I jogged inside and made my way up to the library. Everything was going to be fine. Tomorrow began the Christmas holiday and he would go home and I would go home and when we came back, neither of us would have remembered this whole problem and we could spend the rest of the year being cordial to each other with nothing behind it. I tried to find solace in a book.
"Why do you insist on doing things like that?" Ugh. I couldn't get rid of him. He was like a bad habit.
"Do what? I told you what I thought and I came inside." Again, not a lie, but not the whole of the situation either…
"Lily, you know what I mean. Why do you always insist on dismissing things that don't fit or that you didn't expect? I know that's why you didn't go when I first asked you to go on a walk. I know why you would think it uncomfortable and all I can say is , yes some of it is kind of uncomfortable, but you can get past that. I think we did. Well, I thought we did, and then you decided to ditch again…" He looked at me expectantly. He wanted me to pick up where he left off-to clue him in.
"Look here's the deal. You know close to nothing about me. I know exactly the same about you. You and I are different and we rarely ever have a civil conversation. Even if we tried to find out about each other I'm sure neither of us could resist making some smart-ass remark. Besides that James, I was perfectly happy going through the motions this year. You're right. I really enjoyed the fact that everything was fitting together, despite how very full my schedule and life had become. I don't have time or room for another 'friend' or whatever in my life. I'm sorry." I tried to go back to my book. Unfortunately he didn't take this as a rejection and just sort of sat there, waiting for me to explain further. I didn't feel the need to. I didn't need to explain anything to him.
"Alright fine. I don't have time for you. Would you like me to explain why?" He nodded, as I had suspected. "Ok. This is our sixth year. This means that promotion to head girl is up for grabs and I need to work extra hard to secure the position. On top of that, I have prefect obligations. Not to mention friends I've already made commitments to and then there's my family…" I didn't want to talk about my family. I didn't want to get into it. I pleaded internally that it would end there. Of course it didn't.
"Your family…Your family what Evans? Come on now, you can't just allude to something and then expect me not to be intrigued. Let's hear it. Why does your family make you so busy." This was it.
"Ok. I hope you have a good amount of time on your hands." He nodded and I sighed. He asked for it.
"Well, when I was twelve, my father got hit by a drunk driver on his way home from work. He had the graveyard shift and he was rather drowsy. Either way, the driver swears he didn't see him, but it's too late for that now, isn't it? Anyway, so after his funeral, my mother, who had taken the loss particularly hard, began to drink. This was, unfortunately, a gateway drug that only led her to multiple other escapes. She became abusive and around the time I was 14 she was arrested for possession and all of that. She did her time, came home and then she found out she had Cirrhosis of the Liver. From then on, she spent most of her time in the hospital, leaving me and my older sister to care for each other. Petunia, that's my sister, couldn't really…handle the responsibility. She ended up marrying the first guy who would have her just so she could have a normal life. That's all she ever wanted. Anything that was associated with abnormality, she cut ties with, including me. Witches aren't normal in the muggle world. So, here I am. Last school year, when I turned sixteen, I had to go to court and say who I would rather live with. My sister, who refused to even speak to me anymore, or my mother who was never there and couldn't hold a job due to her chronic hospitalization. So she couldn't pay for her apartment. I chose my mother. This past summer I spent every waking moment I had working so that I could pay the rent for those months and this school year as well. Luckily, neither of us were ever there much so we didn't have to buy much in ways of food, spend money on electricity, heat, etc. This Christmas holiday, I have to go home and work 60 hours just so my mother can keep her apartment for January. If you hadn't noticed already, every other weekend I travel to Chelmsford and work 12 hours on Saturdays. That's why I'm never here and that's why I told you I could help you on Sunday nights." I took a deep breath. I had no idea why I had told him all of this. He and I weren't even that close. I didn't understand it at all. But I had a strange feeling that he wouldn't disclose any of this information to anyone unless I had given him the go ahead.
We sat in the library in silence for a few minutes. He was taking it all in, I was sure. I was reading my book, waiting for him to say something. A few pages in, he cleared his throat.
"First of all, wow. I mean, Lily you're a saint for Chrissake! I don't know ANY 16-year-old who would be able to handle that. You get my utmost respect. Secondly, no 16-year-old should have to handle that and I had NO idea that anything like that was going on. I don't know what to say. I'm sorry I was so persistent. I guess I do understand that you don't have any time. I mean, I wish you did, but I understand. And third, thank you for being honest with me. I really appreciate that you didn't just blow me off like a lot of girls tend to do." He scooted his chair closer to mine and came close. He whispered, "Finally, I know you don't have any spare time, but if you get some, I'll be here waiting. Just let me know ok?" He kissed me on the cheek and left.