The next morning I woke up and went to work. It was all over. I didn't have to deal with anything besides work and schoolwork for the rest of my break. I had even finished my schoolwork earlier in the week and now it was only work. Oh yeah, and my mother.
"Where've you been dear? I was sitting here since this morning hoping to find you here so we could celebrate a late Christmas together. Oh I picked up the mail outside and there are some things here for you." My mother. What else was there to say? She was…my mother. Mercurial at best. Broken mostly. I picked up the mail and went through some of the letters. Arabella, Remus, Sirius, James, some aunts and uncles. All of them turned out to be holiday cards. Sirius wanted to know if I was ok, since I didn't say goodbye when I left. Remus gave me report on his trip to visit his family. Arabella just asked if I was generally ok. James wanted to know that I was ok, and declared that he would be coming by sometime within the week. Not if I had anything to do with it.
As abruptly as my mother had come that day, she was gone the next. She left a very generic card on the table and a note saying that she was feeling ill again. No surprise. That's how the summer went. That's how I expected the winter and following summer to go. Alright, now only work to worry about.
A few days went by completely alone. I spent my nights sitting, listening to music and reading. I fell asleep on the couch a lot.
"You know that's horrible for your back don't you?" James was sitting next to me. He had been watching me sleep.
"How long have you been here? What time is it? You really have to stop letting yourself in like that." Just as I had said that I realized that I had left the door open. I remembered now that I was so exhausted from work that I had just come in, turned on the stereo and laid on the couch. He swept a piece of stray hair out of my face and smiled down at me. I really was starting hate how it made me feel.
"You never answered me or Sirius, so I figured I would come and check for myself to see if you were ok. You look it, for the most part. What's say you and I go catch a something at the theatre. They've got this one movie out that I've wanted to see, but nobody wants to bother with muggle things like that. Come on…my treat." He smiled hopefully at me. If I said yes, I had a feeling I would regret it. If I said no, I knew he wasn't going to just leave like that.
"I guess. Give me a second to change." At that he looked down at my nurse's scrubs. They were covered in the remnants of old people. I explained how I worked in a muggle nursing home and that I had to wear this as part of my uniform. I quickly changed and we made our way to the movie theatre. What was I doing going to a movie? I had things to do. Didn't I…? I should've…
Whoever made the piece of rubbish movie that James took me to, should've been promptly fired. Why James wanted to see it was beyond me too. As we sat through the Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood, I found myself biting my tongue every ten seconds just to keep from making wise cracks during the movie. I had no idea if James really wanted to see this or if he wanted to come and make fun of it or what, but he sat quietly with no expression on his face. Finally halfway through the film I couldn't hold it in anymore.
"Vivi, you know mama…" (a/n: I don't remember actual quotes from the movie. I got dragged to see it by a friend of mine but me and my other friend [darth sakin is her pen…check her out…] sat through the entire thing making fun of it. We missed most of the movie that way but man alive! Was it ever worth it :D )
"Ugh, Jesus Christ James, I'm sorry, but I can't sit through anymore of this without shredding it to bits with acidic commentary. This is just too bad for me to ever watch in silence. I'll wait for you outside if you like but I really can't stay here…"
"Lily, calm down. I was actually getting kind of scared that you weren't saying anything. That's why I wanted to see this. I thought we could make our sarcastic quips at it, instead of each other. You know, join forces. I didn't want to say anything because I was thinking that you might actually like it. And I must say that that was the scariest thought I've had in a long time." We both snickered at this and hilarity ensued throughout the rest of the movie. I could definitely tell that no one else appreciated our acerbity. When the lights came up we could see that the rest of the theatre was jam-packed with sentimental teenage girls and their boyfriends and middle-aged housewives looking for that kind of escape in their lives. We left the theatre in hysterics and continued laughing the whole way home.
"Well, I must say I'm glad I spoke up because I haven't laughed like that in a very long time." I said this while wiping a tear from my eye. When I dropped my hand down I was taken aback by James taking hold of it. I looked at him disapprovingly.
"Aw Lil come on. It's just a hand. It's not like a marriage contract. Come ooonnn." He whined like a five-year-old and I finally gave in. "There we go. Yeah, I'd have to say that I haven't laughed that hard in quite a long time. We should do this more often." He smiled devilishly. We couldn't do this more often. As much as I wanted to. As fun as it really was and as comfortable as I felt with James now, we had to stop this. It was going to mess things up. I knew it would. I spent the rest of the walk home feigning interest in what he was saying. When we got to the door I figured I should tell him that this was the last he would see of me socially.
"James, thanks for taking me to see that hideous movie. I had fun, but there's something I gotta say."
"Oh, Lily save it. I know you're gonna tell me that this shouldn't happen, or that we need to stop this. I know, you don't have any time for me. I got it the last time you said it. I also know that you're scared. You'd never admit it, but I know it. You don't need to say anything. Look, I had fun, I hope you did too. I guess the only thing for me to leave you with is the same offer I made before. If you ever do get some time, let me know. I don't mind waiting." He smiled sadly and walked away. Watching his retreating figure down the hall, I fell something sink inside of me. I kept telling myself I had done the right thing and I honestly couldn't handle juggling all of it right now. I had never felt so depressed in my life.
The phone was ringing. When I finally woke up I looked at the clock before picking up the receiver. Who would call me at 6:30 in the morning?
"Hello?" I hated the way I sounded like a man when I first woke up.
"Hello, may I speak with Ms. Evans?"
"Which Ms. Evans are you referring to. Samantha Evans isn't in right now. I'm actually not sure when she'll be back either…"
"No I'm looking for Ms. Lily Evans."
"Oh, well this is she. May I ask to whom I'm speaking?"
"I'm calling from Manchester Hospital, this is one of the resident doctors. Your mother has been under my care for the past few days as her primary care physician is currently on holiday. There was a situation earlier this morning and I thought I should inform you. Actually if you could come down here whenever you get a chance, that would probably be best…" This had to be a joke. It didn't sound like Sirius and he wouldn't do the same thing twice.
"Uhm…I think I can make it there in a little bit."
"Alright, that will be fine. It's not an emergency but it is rather important. I don't really think it's fitting to discuss your mother's health issues over the phone."
"Yes, I understand. I'll be there as soon as I can." I hung up the phone. Manchester hospital was a 30-minute drive. My mother had the car. I couldn't apparate, nor could I use floo powder because it was a muggle hospital. I had no idea how I was going to get there. Then it occurred to me. I went into the living room and looked through my jacket.
"Hullo?"
"Hey, Sirius, it's Lily Evans."
"Hey! Good to hear from you, how are you doing? You left so early the other nig-"
"I know. I'm sorry about that. And I hate to cut you off like that, but I have a bit of a situation and I don't know any other solution to the problem."
"Well, let's hear it."
"I need to get to Manchester Hospital as soon as possible. It's not an emergency or anything, but it is pretty important. Since it's a muggle hospital I can't use any magical modes of transportation. I was trying to think of anyone who would be in possession of a muggle vehicle…"
"I gotcha. No problem Lil. I think I still have your address around here somewhere. You're downtown right? Yeah, I'll be able to get there in ten minutes." I thanked him and hung up. Sirius always went on and on about his motorbike and sure enough I heard the monstrous roar outside my flat ten minutes later. A knock came at my door, and without a word as to what the situation was we left.
The ride to the hospital was supposed to be 30 minutes. On the bike, it took us 15. I decided that I never wanted to ride on it unless it was necessary again.
"Would you mind waiting in the waiting room? I don't think I'll be long." Sirius nodded and I was off to find the resident who had phoned me this morning. After going through about four different secretaries, he was finally located. He brought me to a secluded hallway.
"Hi, I'm Dr. Jacobson, I'm the resident physician you spoke with earlier on the phone." He shook my hand. I always thought it funny how doctors in this position always found the time to be polite and get through all of the formalities. "I'm not going to beat around the bush. Around four o'clock this morning your mother's condition worsened severely. She's bedridden. I'm afraid she might be so for the rest of her life. I tried to talk to her about putting her on the transplant list. I explained that though it was very hard to get an organ because so many others are in need as well, there was still a chance." I nodded. I knew it would come to this. I just didn't know when. "She refused. She didn't want me to put her on the list." There was a pause. She didn't want to continue the life she was living with me and it was understandable. It was no life at all. Living in a small apartment with an estranged daughter who supports you. Finally I nodded. I understood.
"If she continues to worsen…how long…uhh…how long do you think she…she'll last?" The words were hard to get out because they made everything so real. I found myself wishing to be with James at that moment and I wanted to cry. I felt like he would make it better, even though I knew he couldn't.
"Being the resident physician, I haven't really followed your mother's case and I can't really tell you anything concrete. But as far as the rapid decline in health, if it continues then I would say months, maybe… I'm sorry to have to be the one to tell you, and I could be wrong about it, seeing as I don't know the background of any of it, but as of right now, it doesn't look good." I thanked him for the information and made my way out to the waiting room. I gave Sirius some lame excuse and asked him to let it go at that. He did. He brought me home, and I thanked him again for carting me around like that. When I made my way up to the apartment I sat down. I had called out from work earlier because I didn't know how long I would be, what time I would come home, etc. I had a whole day to sit and think about this. I grabbed a piece of paper.
"James,
You said if I ever had the time and I'm not working today. Feel free to drop in whenever you feel like it.
Lily"
I tied it to my owl and sent her off.
"Where've you been dear? I was sitting here since this morning hoping to find you here so we could celebrate a late Christmas together. Oh I picked up the mail outside and there are some things here for you." My mother. What else was there to say? She was…my mother. Mercurial at best. Broken mostly. I picked up the mail and went through some of the letters. Arabella, Remus, Sirius, James, some aunts and uncles. All of them turned out to be holiday cards. Sirius wanted to know if I was ok, since I didn't say goodbye when I left. Remus gave me report on his trip to visit his family. Arabella just asked if I was generally ok. James wanted to know that I was ok, and declared that he would be coming by sometime within the week. Not if I had anything to do with it.
As abruptly as my mother had come that day, she was gone the next. She left a very generic card on the table and a note saying that she was feeling ill again. No surprise. That's how the summer went. That's how I expected the winter and following summer to go. Alright, now only work to worry about.
A few days went by completely alone. I spent my nights sitting, listening to music and reading. I fell asleep on the couch a lot.
"You know that's horrible for your back don't you?" James was sitting next to me. He had been watching me sleep.
"How long have you been here? What time is it? You really have to stop letting yourself in like that." Just as I had said that I realized that I had left the door open. I remembered now that I was so exhausted from work that I had just come in, turned on the stereo and laid on the couch. He swept a piece of stray hair out of my face and smiled down at me. I really was starting hate how it made me feel.
"You never answered me or Sirius, so I figured I would come and check for myself to see if you were ok. You look it, for the most part. What's say you and I go catch a something at the theatre. They've got this one movie out that I've wanted to see, but nobody wants to bother with muggle things like that. Come on…my treat." He smiled hopefully at me. If I said yes, I had a feeling I would regret it. If I said no, I knew he wasn't going to just leave like that.
"I guess. Give me a second to change." At that he looked down at my nurse's scrubs. They were covered in the remnants of old people. I explained how I worked in a muggle nursing home and that I had to wear this as part of my uniform. I quickly changed and we made our way to the movie theatre. What was I doing going to a movie? I had things to do. Didn't I…? I should've…
Whoever made the piece of rubbish movie that James took me to, should've been promptly fired. Why James wanted to see it was beyond me too. As we sat through the Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood, I found myself biting my tongue every ten seconds just to keep from making wise cracks during the movie. I had no idea if James really wanted to see this or if he wanted to come and make fun of it or what, but he sat quietly with no expression on his face. Finally halfway through the film I couldn't hold it in anymore.
"Vivi, you know mama…" (a/n: I don't remember actual quotes from the movie. I got dragged to see it by a friend of mine but me and my other friend [darth sakin is her pen…check her out…] sat through the entire thing making fun of it. We missed most of the movie that way but man alive! Was it ever worth it :D )
"Ugh, Jesus Christ James, I'm sorry, but I can't sit through anymore of this without shredding it to bits with acidic commentary. This is just too bad for me to ever watch in silence. I'll wait for you outside if you like but I really can't stay here…"
"Lily, calm down. I was actually getting kind of scared that you weren't saying anything. That's why I wanted to see this. I thought we could make our sarcastic quips at it, instead of each other. You know, join forces. I didn't want to say anything because I was thinking that you might actually like it. And I must say that that was the scariest thought I've had in a long time." We both snickered at this and hilarity ensued throughout the rest of the movie. I could definitely tell that no one else appreciated our acerbity. When the lights came up we could see that the rest of the theatre was jam-packed with sentimental teenage girls and their boyfriends and middle-aged housewives looking for that kind of escape in their lives. We left the theatre in hysterics and continued laughing the whole way home.
"Well, I must say I'm glad I spoke up because I haven't laughed like that in a very long time." I said this while wiping a tear from my eye. When I dropped my hand down I was taken aback by James taking hold of it. I looked at him disapprovingly.
"Aw Lil come on. It's just a hand. It's not like a marriage contract. Come ooonnn." He whined like a five-year-old and I finally gave in. "There we go. Yeah, I'd have to say that I haven't laughed that hard in quite a long time. We should do this more often." He smiled devilishly. We couldn't do this more often. As much as I wanted to. As fun as it really was and as comfortable as I felt with James now, we had to stop this. It was going to mess things up. I knew it would. I spent the rest of the walk home feigning interest in what he was saying. When we got to the door I figured I should tell him that this was the last he would see of me socially.
"James, thanks for taking me to see that hideous movie. I had fun, but there's something I gotta say."
"Oh, Lily save it. I know you're gonna tell me that this shouldn't happen, or that we need to stop this. I know, you don't have any time for me. I got it the last time you said it. I also know that you're scared. You'd never admit it, but I know it. You don't need to say anything. Look, I had fun, I hope you did too. I guess the only thing for me to leave you with is the same offer I made before. If you ever do get some time, let me know. I don't mind waiting." He smiled sadly and walked away. Watching his retreating figure down the hall, I fell something sink inside of me. I kept telling myself I had done the right thing and I honestly couldn't handle juggling all of it right now. I had never felt so depressed in my life.
The phone was ringing. When I finally woke up I looked at the clock before picking up the receiver. Who would call me at 6:30 in the morning?
"Hello?" I hated the way I sounded like a man when I first woke up.
"Hello, may I speak with Ms. Evans?"
"Which Ms. Evans are you referring to. Samantha Evans isn't in right now. I'm actually not sure when she'll be back either…"
"No I'm looking for Ms. Lily Evans."
"Oh, well this is she. May I ask to whom I'm speaking?"
"I'm calling from Manchester Hospital, this is one of the resident doctors. Your mother has been under my care for the past few days as her primary care physician is currently on holiday. There was a situation earlier this morning and I thought I should inform you. Actually if you could come down here whenever you get a chance, that would probably be best…" This had to be a joke. It didn't sound like Sirius and he wouldn't do the same thing twice.
"Uhm…I think I can make it there in a little bit."
"Alright, that will be fine. It's not an emergency but it is rather important. I don't really think it's fitting to discuss your mother's health issues over the phone."
"Yes, I understand. I'll be there as soon as I can." I hung up the phone. Manchester hospital was a 30-minute drive. My mother had the car. I couldn't apparate, nor could I use floo powder because it was a muggle hospital. I had no idea how I was going to get there. Then it occurred to me. I went into the living room and looked through my jacket.
"Hullo?"
"Hey, Sirius, it's Lily Evans."
"Hey! Good to hear from you, how are you doing? You left so early the other nig-"
"I know. I'm sorry about that. And I hate to cut you off like that, but I have a bit of a situation and I don't know any other solution to the problem."
"Well, let's hear it."
"I need to get to Manchester Hospital as soon as possible. It's not an emergency or anything, but it is pretty important. Since it's a muggle hospital I can't use any magical modes of transportation. I was trying to think of anyone who would be in possession of a muggle vehicle…"
"I gotcha. No problem Lil. I think I still have your address around here somewhere. You're downtown right? Yeah, I'll be able to get there in ten minutes." I thanked him and hung up. Sirius always went on and on about his motorbike and sure enough I heard the monstrous roar outside my flat ten minutes later. A knock came at my door, and without a word as to what the situation was we left.
The ride to the hospital was supposed to be 30 minutes. On the bike, it took us 15. I decided that I never wanted to ride on it unless it was necessary again.
"Would you mind waiting in the waiting room? I don't think I'll be long." Sirius nodded and I was off to find the resident who had phoned me this morning. After going through about four different secretaries, he was finally located. He brought me to a secluded hallway.
"Hi, I'm Dr. Jacobson, I'm the resident physician you spoke with earlier on the phone." He shook my hand. I always thought it funny how doctors in this position always found the time to be polite and get through all of the formalities. "I'm not going to beat around the bush. Around four o'clock this morning your mother's condition worsened severely. She's bedridden. I'm afraid she might be so for the rest of her life. I tried to talk to her about putting her on the transplant list. I explained that though it was very hard to get an organ because so many others are in need as well, there was still a chance." I nodded. I knew it would come to this. I just didn't know when. "She refused. She didn't want me to put her on the list." There was a pause. She didn't want to continue the life she was living with me and it was understandable. It was no life at all. Living in a small apartment with an estranged daughter who supports you. Finally I nodded. I understood.
"If she continues to worsen…how long…uhh…how long do you think she…she'll last?" The words were hard to get out because they made everything so real. I found myself wishing to be with James at that moment and I wanted to cry. I felt like he would make it better, even though I knew he couldn't.
"Being the resident physician, I haven't really followed your mother's case and I can't really tell you anything concrete. But as far as the rapid decline in health, if it continues then I would say months, maybe… I'm sorry to have to be the one to tell you, and I could be wrong about it, seeing as I don't know the background of any of it, but as of right now, it doesn't look good." I thanked him for the information and made my way out to the waiting room. I gave Sirius some lame excuse and asked him to let it go at that. He did. He brought me home, and I thanked him again for carting me around like that. When I made my way up to the apartment I sat down. I had called out from work earlier because I didn't know how long I would be, what time I would come home, etc. I had a whole day to sit and think about this. I grabbed a piece of paper.
"James,
You said if I ever had the time and I'm not working today. Feel free to drop in whenever you feel like it.
Lily"
I tied it to my owl and sent her off.