First for some reviewer time:
Lunarian: Its nice to see I'm not the only one out here who likes link/Medli. Unfourtunately you may have to wait 2 or 3 chaps since your only reading it for link/Medli stuff. But I still URGE you to continue reading. Sorry about that wait, but after chaper 6 or 7 it will be pure link/Medli. Thank you for the reviews.
The Legend of Zelda:The Wind Wanker
Chapter 4: Four-Ass Haven and tons of metal destruction.
Disclamer: I no own Zelda! I no Own Metroid either (Yes a few characters come and make an appearance here too, and I do not own Starfox.
(Four-ass Haven)
Link: Agh! Fucking ChuChus!!!!
(Another mega grenade drops out of the sky)
Link: heh... talk about good timing. (presses button and throws grenade) nice knowin ya suxors!!!
(Grenade takes out all the idiots- er ChuChus)
link: I don't know where those things come, from but who cares? ^_^
(After removing the ChuChus from the Deku Tree in Four-ass Haven.)
Deku Tree: Hey I got news for ya you decrypt son of a bitch run as fast as ya can you mother fucker I'll chop your balls off and shove them up your-
Link: O_O
Deku Tree: I must apologize. I saw your clothing and suddenly I
Thought you were another lame tree-huggging hippie. Koroks, little children of the woods, this traveler is not your enemy! Let your hearts be at ease and show yourselves.
(The Koroks appear.)
Deku Tree: these are the Koroks, the spirits of the forest. Once upon a time, long ago, the Koroks took on human forms. But then the Border Patrol kept catching them when they wanted to plant trees on different islands and kept thinking they were drug smugglers or illegal aliens so they had to evolve to fly, so now they have these idiotic forms, and they fear people, but to me, they will ever be my dearest little toys. As it happens, you have come just in time for a ceremony that Koroks hold but once ever year. It is about to begin. I shall grant the pearl to you once their ceremony is complete. I must apologize for the long-ass delay, but if the ceremony is not completed, something ill-fated could befall us.
Link: Purple monkeys?
Random Korok: yep, the ghey Flying purple pokadot Monkeys That ate your sister's Peanut Cheese bars.
Deku tree: So, let it begin. Are you ready, my children?
Linder: We are not, O Lame Deku Tree. Something terrible has happened. It is Lamear.
Deku Tree: What is the matter, Linder? You and Lamear are never here on time ya fooks.
Linder:umm... Lamear fell into the Forbidden Woods etc etc.
Deku Tree: What? The Forbidden Woods? I told you to be careful, but still Lamear flew above the Forbidden Woods and as he drew close to it.. That little shit. Link, you have heard all this? The Forbidden Woods are right beside the hollowed island of our Four-ass Haven. These woods, the whole region, is a vile place that is home to evil beasts.
Random N00b from magic-league.com: Why is it always RG beasts?! Whatever happened to fucking zombies, Goblins, slivers, or elves?
Random #magic-league op: they all suck
Random N00b from magic-league.com: fuck you
*** Random N00b from magic-league.com was Kicked by Random #magic-league op (Banned)
Link: oooooooookaaaaay then...
[Author's note: in cause you're wondering what the hell that was all about, RG beasts, Zombie, sliver, elves, goblins, etc are Magic The Gathering Decks.]
Deku Tree: And now it seems they have taken a child of the Four-ass named Lamear. Your presence here is no mistake, I deem. The King of Red Arwings likely expects you to die so he can sell your stuff. It is why he brought you here. I'm sorry to ask this of you, but can you go rescue that little son of a bitch for me?
Link: Yeah yeah whatever...
(Inside the Forbidden Woods.)
Link: this had better be quick... damn I'm never gonna solve this :'(... (looks up) THE HELL?!
(A Giant M1-A1 Abrams assault tank lands on link)
Link: Ok What the hell is with everything falling on me all the time?! Well... whatever. (Gets in tank)
Link: HA!!! It's a bad day to not be me...
(Inside of Forbidden Woods)
(Link Crashes through the doors, we see ChuChus that look like they got ran over by something HUGE, a lot of the woods contain craters and bulletholes and tredmarks)
Giant moth: GRRRR!!!
Link: (In tank) DIE FUCKER!!! (pumps it with the coaxial machine gun, taking all 4 of its wings off)
Link: and now for the final cut...
Giant moth: Fuck you- WHA? NO!!!!
(Link loads the main gun and blows up the Giant Moth with it)
Link: ^_^
(Link Drives straight into the boss room, Killing anything and everything in his way)
(Inside the boss room of Forbidden Woods.)
(Lamear is swallowed by the boss.)
(Link bursts through the wall with the tank. He is out of MG ammo, out of Turret ammo, and out of gas.)
Link: FUCK!!! (Gets out of the tank) Well that was fun while it lasted.
(BOSSBATTLE Parasite Queen)
Link: okaaaay it's a large mutant cockroach that spits acid... ok then.
Tetra: (Lands in scene after getting blown up back on the ship)
Tetra: WHERE ARE THE FUCKING PEANUT CHEESE BARS? YOU! BIG ASS COCKROACH! GIVE ME PEANUT CHEESE BARS!
Parasite queen: ROAR!!!! (NO! MINE!!!!)
Tetra: (throws a rock at Parasite queen)
Parasite queen: ROAAAAR!!! (YOU SONOFABITCH!!!)
Link: GOD PEOPLE SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!
(Tetra punches link)
(Parasite queen attempts to spit acid at link but misses hitting tetra)
Tetra: AAAAHHH!!! IT BURNS!!! MY HAIR!!!! IT'S DYING!!! AAHHHH!!!!
(Parasite queen then eats the acid-drenched tetra whole)
Link: Yo thanx man... I don't know how much longer I could have stood here with HER in this room...
Parasite queen: No problem..
Link: What The hell? You can speak English now?
Parasite queen: umm... plothole.
Link: hey that gives me an Idea... (Digs in plot hole and pulls Lamear out)
Parasite queen: LOL... Why the hell didn't I think of that? Just pull your objective out of the plothole.. LOL...
Link: Actually I was looking for Medli -_-
Parasite queen: O_O
Lamear: So, swordsman, are you the one who rescued me? You have- The hell? YOU STILL DIDN'T BEAT UP THE BOSS?
Link: Was I supposed to?
Lamear: -_-
Link: SHUT UP!!!!
(On Four-ass Haven.)
Deku Tree: Oh, Lamear, you have returned safely!
Lamear: I'm sorry, Great Deku Tree. I know you warned us many times, but still I
did not listen.
Deku Tree: That's it your getting a spanking. You have done well, Link. I must thank you for your suicidal deeds.
Link: YOU PUT ME ON A SUICIDE MISSION?!
Deku Tree:well kinda... I mean how could a loser like you fight against da pwner of Forbiddin Woods anyways?
Link: SHUT UP!!!! Look, just give me the pearl so I can get out of here -_-
(The Great Deku Tree shakes until FallenWhore's Pearl falls out.)
Narration: *still dead*
(Deku Tree Swats link sending him skyrocketing)
Link: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
10 minutes later
Link: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
10 hours later
Link: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
5 days later: Link: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA- huh... hey I'm floa- NO! I'M FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGG!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!-
5 days 10 hours and 10 minutes later)
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
(link hits the ground at 46562475863487526587234 MPH)
Link: You suck Rylasasin- OH SHIT!!!
(BIGFOOT POWER WHEELS lands on top of him)
Link: ooooowwwwwwwww...
(A month later)
Link: What happen?
King of Red Arwings: Someone set up you one big smokin' hole in ground... but somehow survive.
Link: We get signal?
King of Red Arwings: Hell no... and stop with the fucking zero-g shit (NO I DON"T OWN THAT EITHER)
Link: Damn... so where next?
King of Red Arwings: umm... BarneyLand
Link:NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
(King of Red Arwings Sends out a claw to grab link and pull him in the cockpit and they fly off towards barney island, with link screaming his head off link a little kid who doesn't want to go to the dentist)
(on the way there they shoot at barney heads and babybop heads, smily faces, and BJ faces. Etc etc etc)
Will link be consumed by the wild barneys? Or will the Author give them a break like he's been doing for pretty much the whole damn story? Find out in the next retarded Chapter of Wind Wanker. That is unless you don't give me at least one more review. Then I'll just stop. Geez.
Lunarian: Its nice to see I'm not the only one out here who likes link/Medli. Unfourtunately you may have to wait 2 or 3 chaps since your only reading it for link/Medli stuff. But I still URGE you to continue reading. Sorry about that wait, but after chaper 6 or 7 it will be pure link/Medli. Thank you for the reviews.
The Legend of Zelda:The Wind Wanker
Chapter 4: Four-Ass Haven and tons of metal destruction.
Disclamer: I no own Zelda! I no Own Metroid either (Yes a few characters come and make an appearance here too, and I do not own Starfox.
(Four-ass Haven)
Link: Agh! Fucking ChuChus!!!!
(Another mega grenade drops out of the sky)
Link: heh... talk about good timing. (presses button and throws grenade) nice knowin ya suxors!!!
(Grenade takes out all the idiots- er ChuChus)
link: I don't know where those things come, from but who cares? ^_^
(After removing the ChuChus from the Deku Tree in Four-ass Haven.)
Deku Tree: Hey I got news for ya you decrypt son of a bitch run as fast as ya can you mother fucker I'll chop your balls off and shove them up your-
Link: O_O
Deku Tree: I must apologize. I saw your clothing and suddenly I
Thought you were another lame tree-huggging hippie. Koroks, little children of the woods, this traveler is not your enemy! Let your hearts be at ease and show yourselves.
(The Koroks appear.)
Deku Tree: these are the Koroks, the spirits of the forest. Once upon a time, long ago, the Koroks took on human forms. But then the Border Patrol kept catching them when they wanted to plant trees on different islands and kept thinking they were drug smugglers or illegal aliens so they had to evolve to fly, so now they have these idiotic forms, and they fear people, but to me, they will ever be my dearest little toys. As it happens, you have come just in time for a ceremony that Koroks hold but once ever year. It is about to begin. I shall grant the pearl to you once their ceremony is complete. I must apologize for the long-ass delay, but if the ceremony is not completed, something ill-fated could befall us.
Link: Purple monkeys?
Random Korok: yep, the ghey Flying purple pokadot Monkeys That ate your sister's Peanut Cheese bars.
Deku tree: So, let it begin. Are you ready, my children?
Linder: We are not, O Lame Deku Tree. Something terrible has happened. It is Lamear.
Deku Tree: What is the matter, Linder? You and Lamear are never here on time ya fooks.
Linder:umm... Lamear fell into the Forbidden Woods etc etc.
Deku Tree: What? The Forbidden Woods? I told you to be careful, but still Lamear flew above the Forbidden Woods and as he drew close to it.. That little shit. Link, you have heard all this? The Forbidden Woods are right beside the hollowed island of our Four-ass Haven. These woods, the whole region, is a vile place that is home to evil beasts.
Random N00b from magic-league.com: Why is it always RG beasts?! Whatever happened to fucking zombies, Goblins, slivers, or elves?
Random #magic-league op: they all suck
Random N00b from magic-league.com: fuck you
*** Random N00b from magic-league.com was Kicked by Random #magic-league op (Banned)
Link: oooooooookaaaaay then...
[Author's note: in cause you're wondering what the hell that was all about, RG beasts, Zombie, sliver, elves, goblins, etc are Magic The Gathering Decks.]
Deku Tree: And now it seems they have taken a child of the Four-ass named Lamear. Your presence here is no mistake, I deem. The King of Red Arwings likely expects you to die so he can sell your stuff. It is why he brought you here. I'm sorry to ask this of you, but can you go rescue that little son of a bitch for me?
Link: Yeah yeah whatever...
(Inside the Forbidden Woods.)
Link: this had better be quick... damn I'm never gonna solve this :'(... (looks up) THE HELL?!
(A Giant M1-A1 Abrams assault tank lands on link)
Link: Ok What the hell is with everything falling on me all the time?! Well... whatever. (Gets in tank)
Link: HA!!! It's a bad day to not be me...
(Inside of Forbidden Woods)
(Link Crashes through the doors, we see ChuChus that look like they got ran over by something HUGE, a lot of the woods contain craters and bulletholes and tredmarks)
Giant moth: GRRRR!!!
Link: (In tank) DIE FUCKER!!! (pumps it with the coaxial machine gun, taking all 4 of its wings off)
Link: and now for the final cut...
Giant moth: Fuck you- WHA? NO!!!!
(Link loads the main gun and blows up the Giant Moth with it)
Link: ^_^
(Link Drives straight into the boss room, Killing anything and everything in his way)
(Inside the boss room of Forbidden Woods.)
(Lamear is swallowed by the boss.)
(Link bursts through the wall with the tank. He is out of MG ammo, out of Turret ammo, and out of gas.)
Link: FUCK!!! (Gets out of the tank) Well that was fun while it lasted.
(BOSSBATTLE Parasite Queen)
Link: okaaaay it's a large mutant cockroach that spits acid... ok then.
Tetra: (Lands in scene after getting blown up back on the ship)
Tetra: WHERE ARE THE FUCKING PEANUT CHEESE BARS? YOU! BIG ASS COCKROACH! GIVE ME PEANUT CHEESE BARS!
Parasite queen: ROAR!!!! (NO! MINE!!!!)
Tetra: (throws a rock at Parasite queen)
Parasite queen: ROAAAAR!!! (YOU SONOFABITCH!!!)
Link: GOD PEOPLE SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!
(Tetra punches link)
(Parasite queen attempts to spit acid at link but misses hitting tetra)
Tetra: AAAAHHH!!! IT BURNS!!! MY HAIR!!!! IT'S DYING!!! AAHHHH!!!!
(Parasite queen then eats the acid-drenched tetra whole)
Link: Yo thanx man... I don't know how much longer I could have stood here with HER in this room...
Parasite queen: No problem..
Link: What The hell? You can speak English now?
Parasite queen: umm... plothole.
Link: hey that gives me an Idea... (Digs in plot hole and pulls Lamear out)
Parasite queen: LOL... Why the hell didn't I think of that? Just pull your objective out of the plothole.. LOL...
Link: Actually I was looking for Medli -_-
Parasite queen: O_O
Lamear: So, swordsman, are you the one who rescued me? You have- The hell? YOU STILL DIDN'T BEAT UP THE BOSS?
Link: Was I supposed to?
Lamear: -_-
Link: SHUT UP!!!!
(On Four-ass Haven.)
Deku Tree: Oh, Lamear, you have returned safely!
Lamear: I'm sorry, Great Deku Tree. I know you warned us many times, but still I
did not listen.
Deku Tree: That's it your getting a spanking. You have done well, Link. I must thank you for your suicidal deeds.
Link: YOU PUT ME ON A SUICIDE MISSION?!
Deku Tree:well kinda... I mean how could a loser like you fight against da pwner of Forbiddin Woods anyways?
Link: SHUT UP!!!! Look, just give me the pearl so I can get out of here -_-
(The Great Deku Tree shakes until FallenWhore's Pearl falls out.)
Narration: *still dead*
(Deku Tree Swats link sending him skyrocketing)
Link: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
10 minutes later
Link: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
10 hours later
Link: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
5 days later: Link: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA- huh... hey I'm floa- NO! I'M FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGG!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!-
5 days 10 hours and 10 minutes later)
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
(link hits the ground at 46562475863487526587234 MPH)
Link: You suck Rylasasin- OH SHIT!!!
(BIGFOOT POWER WHEELS lands on top of him)
Link: ooooowwwwwwwww...
(A month later)
Link: What happen?
King of Red Arwings: Someone set up you one big smokin' hole in ground... but somehow survive.
Link: We get signal?
King of Red Arwings: Hell no... and stop with the fucking zero-g shit (NO I DON"T OWN THAT EITHER)
Link: Damn... so where next?
King of Red Arwings: umm... BarneyLand
Link:NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
(King of Red Arwings Sends out a claw to grab link and pull him in the cockpit and they fly off towards barney island, with link screaming his head off link a little kid who doesn't want to go to the dentist)
(on the way there they shoot at barney heads and babybop heads, smily faces, and BJ faces. Etc etc etc)
Will link be consumed by the wild barneys? Or will the Author give them a break like he's been doing for pretty much the whole damn story? Find out in the next retarded Chapter of Wind Wanker. That is unless you don't give me at least one more review. Then I'll just stop. Geez.