The Legend of Zelda:The Wind Wanker
Chapter 5: Barneyland
Disclamer: I no own Zelda! I no Own Metroid either (Yes a few characters come and make an appearance here too, and I do not own Starfox.
(On Barneyland.)
King of Red Arwings: awww no the corn! Paul Numans gonna have my legs broke...
Link: You don't have legs.
King of Red Arwings: Fuck you.
Majora's Mask: Hello there, Link!
(Majora's Mask flies into view.)
Link: NO!!!! you may NOT kill me!!!
Majora's Mask: You suck. Anyway, I've been looking for you. Are you by chance seeking
the great spirit, Jabun? Umm he ate too many Peanut Cheese Bars and that's what happened to him...
(Links looks over to his left and sees Jabun belly-side up...)
Majora's Mask: heh what a moron... I cant beleve the peanut cheese bar thing actually worked..
Link: so you did that?
Majora's Mask: Hell no, umm... gannon came here with a bunch of moblins and I saw him trying to shove giant peanut cheese bars down his stomach and... (Sees that link isn't buying it) FINE! I DID IT!!! I'M GUILTY!!!! Here take this pearl and leave me alone!!!! PLEASE!!!!! (gives him Screwyou's pearl and flies away)
Link: Why is it that I have not faced one real boss here anyways?!
King of Red Arwings: Umm.. Comic relief :/
Link: -_-
King of Red Arwings: well lets go, before the barneys wake up and start singing.
Link: To where?
King of Red Arwings: The Triangle Islands
Link: ok as along as there are no barneys there o_0
(At the statue on one of the Triangle Islands.)
Statue: Wandering traveler who seeks the guidepost of the goddesses on crack, place the
pearl you hold here.
(Link places one of the pearls in the statue's hands.)
(The statue glows.)
Narration: You've placed FallenWhore's Pearl in the brand-new statue's hands. Two
pearls remain!
Link: Hey how did you come alive again?
Narration: pl-
Link: Let me guess, plothole right?
Narration: yep
(At the statue on one of the Triangle Islands.)
Statue: Wandering traveler who seeks the guidepost of the goddesses on weed, place the
pearl you hold here.
(Link places one of the pearls in the statue's hands.)
(The statue glows.)
Narration: You've placed Screwyou's Pearl in the ancient statue's hands. One pearl
remains!
(At the statue on one of the Triangle Islands.)
Statue: Wandering traveler who seeks the guidepost of the goddesses on um... AOL, place the
pearl you hold here.
Link: AOL!!! Geez that is bad :(.
(Link places one of the pearls in the statue's hands.)
(The statue glows.)
Narration: You've placed the Recycle bin's Pearl in the ancient statue's hands.
(The statue glows again.)
(Link backs away from the statue.)
(The statue stops glowing.)
(Link stops and moves closer towards it.)
(The statue explodes, Spilling acid all over link.)
(The three statues create an image of the CryForce.)
(A tower rises out of the Not-So-Great Sea.)
King of Red Arwings: Blah Blah Blah Pearls Blah Blah Tower Blah Blah Gods Blah Blah Blah Fuck me fuck you Blah Blah Blah Peanut Cheese Bars Blah Blah Blah Blah... and further more Blah Blah blah blah...
(Link Sees a button that says "KORA audio toggle" and presses it.)
Mysterious Voice: King of Red Arwings Audio Off, running in quite mode. Will disengage next time you board.
Link: Now that I think about it... I'm in an aircraft, so why not just skip the whole damn thing and get on top the tower...
Mysterious Voice: Good Idea sir... rasing elevation, holding steady. Elevation now at 342 ft, begin landing sequence...)
(Auto landing sequence crashes the Arwing)
(On top of the Tower of the Gods.)
(Link rings the bell on top of the Tower of the Gods.)
(Link and the King of Red Arwings Fly Into a ring of Oil in the ocean.)
King of Red Arwings: You have done well, Link. It would seem that the gods have
acknowledged you to be a Complete dumbass, so lets get down there and take the master's sword.
Are you ready, Link?
(Link nods head.)
(Link and the King of Red Arwings fly into the ring of light.)
(Link and the King of Red Arwings move deeper into the ocean until they reach a
castle (or is it?).)
What kind of horror awaits them at the castle? Is it really that horrible? And just what the hell happened to tetra? Is she really dead?! Find out in the next lame chapter of The legend of Zelda: Wind Wanker.
Chapter 5: Barneyland
Disclamer: I no own Zelda! I no Own Metroid either (Yes a few characters come and make an appearance here too, and I do not own Starfox.
(On Barneyland.)
King of Red Arwings: awww no the corn! Paul Numans gonna have my legs broke...
Link: You don't have legs.
King of Red Arwings: Fuck you.
Majora's Mask: Hello there, Link!
(Majora's Mask flies into view.)
Link: NO!!!! you may NOT kill me!!!
Majora's Mask: You suck. Anyway, I've been looking for you. Are you by chance seeking
the great spirit, Jabun? Umm he ate too many Peanut Cheese Bars and that's what happened to him...
(Links looks over to his left and sees Jabun belly-side up...)
Majora's Mask: heh what a moron... I cant beleve the peanut cheese bar thing actually worked..
Link: so you did that?
Majora's Mask: Hell no, umm... gannon came here with a bunch of moblins and I saw him trying to shove giant peanut cheese bars down his stomach and... (Sees that link isn't buying it) FINE! I DID IT!!! I'M GUILTY!!!! Here take this pearl and leave me alone!!!! PLEASE!!!!! (gives him Screwyou's pearl and flies away)
Link: Why is it that I have not faced one real boss here anyways?!
King of Red Arwings: Umm.. Comic relief :/
Link: -_-
King of Red Arwings: well lets go, before the barneys wake up and start singing.
Link: To where?
King of Red Arwings: The Triangle Islands
Link: ok as along as there are no barneys there o_0
(At the statue on one of the Triangle Islands.)
Statue: Wandering traveler who seeks the guidepost of the goddesses on crack, place the
pearl you hold here.
(Link places one of the pearls in the statue's hands.)
(The statue glows.)
Narration: You've placed FallenWhore's Pearl in the brand-new statue's hands. Two
pearls remain!
Link: Hey how did you come alive again?
Narration: pl-
Link: Let me guess, plothole right?
Narration: yep
(At the statue on one of the Triangle Islands.)
Statue: Wandering traveler who seeks the guidepost of the goddesses on weed, place the
pearl you hold here.
(Link places one of the pearls in the statue's hands.)
(The statue glows.)
Narration: You've placed Screwyou's Pearl in the ancient statue's hands. One pearl
remains!
(At the statue on one of the Triangle Islands.)
Statue: Wandering traveler who seeks the guidepost of the goddesses on um... AOL, place the
pearl you hold here.
Link: AOL!!! Geez that is bad :(.
(Link places one of the pearls in the statue's hands.)
(The statue glows.)
Narration: You've placed the Recycle bin's Pearl in the ancient statue's hands.
(The statue glows again.)
(Link backs away from the statue.)
(The statue stops glowing.)
(Link stops and moves closer towards it.)
(The statue explodes, Spilling acid all over link.)
(The three statues create an image of the CryForce.)
(A tower rises out of the Not-So-Great Sea.)
King of Red Arwings: Blah Blah Blah Pearls Blah Blah Tower Blah Blah Gods Blah Blah Blah Fuck me fuck you Blah Blah Blah Peanut Cheese Bars Blah Blah Blah Blah... and further more Blah Blah blah blah...
(Link Sees a button that says "KORA audio toggle" and presses it.)
Mysterious Voice: King of Red Arwings Audio Off, running in quite mode. Will disengage next time you board.
Link: Now that I think about it... I'm in an aircraft, so why not just skip the whole damn thing and get on top the tower...
Mysterious Voice: Good Idea sir... rasing elevation, holding steady. Elevation now at 342 ft, begin landing sequence...)
(Auto landing sequence crashes the Arwing)
(On top of the Tower of the Gods.)
(Link rings the bell on top of the Tower of the Gods.)
(Link and the King of Red Arwings Fly Into a ring of Oil in the ocean.)
King of Red Arwings: You have done well, Link. It would seem that the gods have
acknowledged you to be a Complete dumbass, so lets get down there and take the master's sword.
Are you ready, Link?
(Link nods head.)
(Link and the King of Red Arwings fly into the ring of light.)
(Link and the King of Red Arwings move deeper into the ocean until they reach a
castle (or is it?).)
What kind of horror awaits them at the castle? Is it really that horrible? And just what the hell happened to tetra? Is she really dead?! Find out in the next lame chapter of The legend of Zelda: Wind Wanker.