The rest of the morning was rather uneventful compared to what had happened in the pat few days. Every moment alone was spent in contemplation about my mother. I didn't know what to do about it. On the one hand, I knew it was the best thing for her to do. We both knew the chances of her getting a transplant anytime soon were slim to none because her trouble was self-induced. They tend to find donors for those who had no control over it, instead of drinking themselves into the situation. But then, something inside me wanted her to try at least. I guess I wanted to feel like she still had some fight left in her. It was stupid, but I think I wanted her to feel like she should try for me, if not for she. Despite everything that's happened, I still loved her. I don't know how, I know she thought it couldn't happen. That's why she never could stand to talk to me for long periods of time. That's why she didn't stay home very long. She couldn't stand that she had screwed up badly enough to lose her daughters love. But she hadn't realized that she didn't lose my love. She just lost faith in herself.
I pulled myself out of this contemplative trance and continued getting ready for work. James came in and sat down beside me on the bed as I put my shoes on.
"What's wrong?" I don't know whether or not I was that obvious or whether he just had some weird sort of intuition. I didn't want to bug him with my problems though. Though I had told myself that it was ok to talk about things that are bothering you, I still had trouble with it. I shrugged and smiled.
"Nothing, why?" Again, I could feel that he knew. I looked back down at my shoes and finished tying one of them.
"Lily, if you'd rather not talk about it, that's all you have to say. But if you're going to lie you could at least make it slightly convincing." I looked up at him and he was smiling. How could I take that smile off his face? I didn't want to make anyone unhappy and that's what he was asking me to do. Nevertheless, I sighed deeply.
"I guess I'm just thinking about my mum. As you might've guessed she's not doing so well and they said she'll need a transplant if we're to have any hope for the future. She refused. I know it's probably for the best, but I can't help but think...what are her reasons? Why does she think it's best? I know, it's silly, it's just...some of the thing's she said on the phone gave me the impression that she couldn't bare living under her daughter's care. Her daughter that she thinks hates her, and with good reason too. I don't know. I think it's just a really odd situation." I smiled awkwardly at James but immediately began to feel better. I felt like someone actually cared. I felt like I had gotten a big burden off my chest. "But I don't want you to worry or get upset by this." I added quickly, hoping he wouldn't.
"Lil, I worry about you regardless. I'm just really glad you felt you could tell me. Now, you should probably be heading out to work, and I should probably be heading home. I have to shower and call Sirius to tell him about the wild ni-OOF!" I giggled slightly as I elbowed him. I stopped dead in my tracks. I didn't giggle. That's not something that I did. What the hell was coming over me? "Did...you just giggle?" I blushed like mad when he said this and pushed him.
"Shut up, it happens. Just not that often, that's all." He pretended to fall off the bed and remained on the floor.
"Yeah, if not that often equals never." He laughed and I got up and stepped on his stomach. Surprisingly, he didn't even flinch.
"You better quit it and forget that happened, or I'll start jumping." He threw his hands up in defeat and I got off and helped him up. We walked to the kitchen and I started to make breakfast. I had enough time. "You want some? Eggs, sausage, toast, tea?" I was already cracking the eggs.
"Wow, you cook too huh? Is there anything you can't do?" He started fishing through the cabinets for plates and cups and silverware. When the table was set and the food was cooked, we ate in silence. It was the most comfortable silence I had ever shared.
I looked at the clock. "I need to leave pretty soon." James looked back at me almost in shock at the deafening sounds that had broken the perfect silence. He cleared his throat and shook himself out of it.
"I suppose so. What time to do you finish up?" He looked at me.
"Uh...It usually depends on how much of my paperwork I get done before I go. There's usually so much and I usually don't finish with the patients until half an hour later than I expect to so....I usually shoot for somewhere around 7? But it's no matter tonight because I need to shoot up to the hospital and talk to my mother." I had decided, in my periods of contemplation, that there was a serious lack of communication and even if she's not the most stable woman, or the best mother, she's my mother and I figured she had a right to know what I thought. "That way I can grab the car on the way back."
He nodded understandingly. "Alright, well I think I'm going to go home and shower and I'll probably mope around all day waiting to hear from you." He grinned at me as I rolled my eyes.
"Fine, fine. No matter how late I get in, I'll owl you, just so you can stop moping." I smiled and went to clear off my dish and get my coat. After I was ready to go and James was in the doorway too, we both stopped.
"This is strange." He said. I cocked my head to the side.
"How do you mean?"
"Well...what's the etiquette for saying goodbye after a night like this?" I laughed a little and tried to think of something. I really didn't know. But more importantly, something else occurred to me.
"What does it matter, James?" Before he could answer, I kissed him and headed down the hall. "I'll see you later,
I pulled myself out of this contemplative trance and continued getting ready for work. James came in and sat down beside me on the bed as I put my shoes on.
"What's wrong?" I don't know whether or not I was that obvious or whether he just had some weird sort of intuition. I didn't want to bug him with my problems though. Though I had told myself that it was ok to talk about things that are bothering you, I still had trouble with it. I shrugged and smiled.
"Nothing, why?" Again, I could feel that he knew. I looked back down at my shoes and finished tying one of them.
"Lily, if you'd rather not talk about it, that's all you have to say. But if you're going to lie you could at least make it slightly convincing." I looked up at him and he was smiling. How could I take that smile off his face? I didn't want to make anyone unhappy and that's what he was asking me to do. Nevertheless, I sighed deeply.
"I guess I'm just thinking about my mum. As you might've guessed she's not doing so well and they said she'll need a transplant if we're to have any hope for the future. She refused. I know it's probably for the best, but I can't help but think...what are her reasons? Why does she think it's best? I know, it's silly, it's just...some of the thing's she said on the phone gave me the impression that she couldn't bare living under her daughter's care. Her daughter that she thinks hates her, and with good reason too. I don't know. I think it's just a really odd situation." I smiled awkwardly at James but immediately began to feel better. I felt like someone actually cared. I felt like I had gotten a big burden off my chest. "But I don't want you to worry or get upset by this." I added quickly, hoping he wouldn't.
"Lil, I worry about you regardless. I'm just really glad you felt you could tell me. Now, you should probably be heading out to work, and I should probably be heading home. I have to shower and call Sirius to tell him about the wild ni-OOF!" I giggled slightly as I elbowed him. I stopped dead in my tracks. I didn't giggle. That's not something that I did. What the hell was coming over me? "Did...you just giggle?" I blushed like mad when he said this and pushed him.
"Shut up, it happens. Just not that often, that's all." He pretended to fall off the bed and remained on the floor.
"Yeah, if not that often equals never." He laughed and I got up and stepped on his stomach. Surprisingly, he didn't even flinch.
"You better quit it and forget that happened, or I'll start jumping." He threw his hands up in defeat and I got off and helped him up. We walked to the kitchen and I started to make breakfast. I had enough time. "You want some? Eggs, sausage, toast, tea?" I was already cracking the eggs.
"Wow, you cook too huh? Is there anything you can't do?" He started fishing through the cabinets for plates and cups and silverware. When the table was set and the food was cooked, we ate in silence. It was the most comfortable silence I had ever shared.
I looked at the clock. "I need to leave pretty soon." James looked back at me almost in shock at the deafening sounds that had broken the perfect silence. He cleared his throat and shook himself out of it.
"I suppose so. What time to do you finish up?" He looked at me.
"Uh...It usually depends on how much of my paperwork I get done before I go. There's usually so much and I usually don't finish with the patients until half an hour later than I expect to so....I usually shoot for somewhere around 7? But it's no matter tonight because I need to shoot up to the hospital and talk to my mother." I had decided, in my periods of contemplation, that there was a serious lack of communication and even if she's not the most stable woman, or the best mother, she's my mother and I figured she had a right to know what I thought. "That way I can grab the car on the way back."
He nodded understandingly. "Alright, well I think I'm going to go home and shower and I'll probably mope around all day waiting to hear from you." He grinned at me as I rolled my eyes.
"Fine, fine. No matter how late I get in, I'll owl you, just so you can stop moping." I smiled and went to clear off my dish and get my coat. After I was ready to go and James was in the doorway too, we both stopped.
"This is strange." He said. I cocked my head to the side.
"How do you mean?"
"Well...what's the etiquette for saying goodbye after a night like this?" I laughed a little and tried to think of something. I really didn't know. But more importantly, something else occurred to me.
"What does it matter, James?" Before he could answer, I kissed him and headed down the hall. "I'll see you later,