The Legend of Zelda:The Wind Wanker
Chapter 7: The Romance.
Disclamer: I no own Zelda! I no Own Metroid either (Yes a few characters come and make an appearance here too, and I do not own Starfox.
Note to everyone:I would like to thank EVERYONE who reviewed this story. Your comments mean a lot to me. Keepem coming. I hope you people enjoy my attempt at the Link/Medli Romance. It will be my first but by no means the last. Oh and speaking of R and Romance... I got a little surprise for you link/Medli seekers. You came looking for R rated Link/Medli Material? Well you won't be disappointed. It will come at the end. For now, just enjoy the 7th crazy chapter of The Legend of Zelda:The Wind Wanker!!
(On Butthole Island.)
Laruto: Blah blah blah Master sword Blah blah blah Sage of Flying Purple Pokadoted Monkeys that ate your sister's peanut cheese bars Blah blah blah blah tetra must not be allowed to get any peanut cheese bars blah blah blah blah Medli blah blah blah Sage of Flying Purple Pokadoted Monkeys that ate your sister's peanut cheese bars blah blah gannon blah blah blah blah..
Link: You know woman I have no fucking clue what you're trying to get at... Gannon is eaten, I don't have the fucking master sword, Tetra's dead etc. etc. etc.
Laruto: well tetra's not dead... she only gets killed temporarily. Etc etc etc.
Link: I know I'm supposed to come here with Medli, but now she won't come because of the disasterous turn of events etc... *Cries*
Laruto: Link quit crying like some kind of pansy. Beleve it or not she actually likes you too.
Link: are you sure?
Laruto: SURE? YA WANT SURE GO WATCH THE NEWS! I'M JUST A GAYASS SAGE THAT SITS HERE FOR NO APPARENT REASON AND FILLS YOU WITH LAMEASS BULLSHIT.
Link: damn... what now?
Laruto: just wisper the truth into her ear and hope she goes with you?
Link: Why would she go to a place like this though..
Laruto: I don't know... to escape Komali? I guess... Look, just use the master sword thing as an excuse ok? Say its an "Official reason" etc etc. Because to tell you the truth, this fic is goin no where fast LOL.
Link: hey cool lots of time to do lots of worthless crap...
(Laruto disappears.)
(On Faggot Roost Island.)
Medli: Oh, Link! You're okay! You know, Prince Komali's been asking me all
about you. I can rest easy now that I've seen you safe and sound
with my own eyes. Prince Komali's turned into a fine, young adult, hasn't he? Recently, he's even begun doing things on his own without me. Every conversation still ends up centered on you though, Link. Watching Prince Komali grow up fills me with pride and makes me a little sad as well. I wonder if this is how a mother feels? Oh, but just listen to me go on! And how dumb I must sound!
(Medli thinks: Yeah like a complete dumbass.)
Medli: Well, I better continue practicing so I can be useless around here too. Performing music like this is a boring part of an attendant.
(Link shows Medli the Wind Wanker.)
Medli: Hey, is that the Wind Wanker? Wow! Link, will you conduct me? I wonder how I'll do.
(Link plays the Flying Purple Pokadoted Monkey that ate link's sister's peanut cheese bars God's Lyric in front of Medli.)
Medli: Hmm. What a mysterious song. It sounds so familiar. It's almost as if something I've forgotten is trying to be remembered. Oh, I feel..
(Medli faints.)
(10 minutes later)
Medli: (thinking) gods why can't I just have sex dreams like everyone else...
Medli: OMG link we need to go to the Flying Purple Pokadoted Monkey that ate your sister's peanut cheese bars Temple for no Apparent reason. (Thinking) Oh I know the reason Alright but I don't know if he'll like it...
Link: Alrighty then!!! (thinking) This is gonna be great! That is unless she dumps me for that Komali fucker.
(On Butthole Island.)
King of Red Arwings: Blah blah blah command theme blah blah blah link blah blah blah monsters blah blah blah tetra blah blah blah Peanut Cheese Bars Blah blah blah
Medli: You were right link... he really IS annoying.
(Link and Medli nod at each other and enter the Flying Purple Pokadoted Monkey that ate Link's sister's peanut cheese bars Temple while leaving the Kind of Red Arwings to blah-blah to himself.)
(Inside the Flying Purple Pokadoted Monkey that ate Link's sister's peanut cheese bars Temple.)
Link: (thinking) just walking around here with her is not gonna do any good. Better start a conversation of some -)
Medli: -so link, ya get hurt by any enemies during your adventures?
Link: ya know Medli, it seems weird but I only had to fight 3 enemies so far... that one in Fairy forest and those two that one time up on faggot roost. All the others either partyed, got blown up, killed by tanks, or majora. Weird eh?
(Medli giggles)
Medli: btw... forgot to ask... What was that thing in Fuckyou's chamber like? Was he hard?
Link: are you kidding me? All I had to do was make him realize he was flammable and he burned like a bucket full of gasoline.
(they both laugh)
Medli: Geez... even I could have done THAT...
Link: yep...
(Inside another room in the Flying Purple Pokadoted Monkey that ate Link's sister's peanut cheese bars Temple.)
(Link and Medli are fighting a bunch of enemies... suddenly two wallmasters come out. One grabs Medli, the reaches into links pocket and grabs link's Peanut cheese bar.)
Link: NOO!!! MY PEANUT CHEESE BAR!!!
Medli: AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! HEELP!!!
Link: MEDLI!!!
(Links looks at Medli, then at the Cheese bar, then at at Medli...)
Link: (thinking)OH GOD OH GOD WHAT NOW?!
(Medli and cheese bar slowly sink further into the ground.. knowing he'll never see one or the other again.. he thinks in very slow motion)
Link: (Thinking) I can only get one... One the one hand I got a Cheesebar so delicious nothing can compare... and on the other I got a girl who may love me but I don't know and If I don't ask fast I wont see either again... oh geez what now.. of course, one, and only one can come out in the end...)
Little Pepsi Girl from the Einstein Pepsi commercials (or was it coke? I forgot): (In links mind) DUUUUUUUUUUUU-UUHHHH!!!!!!!!! (mind reverses)
Link: *swats himself in the head) a no brainier!
(Link suddenly whips out his sword and Cuts the hand holding Medli. He tries to rush for the one holding his cheese bar but it sinks too fast and link falls flat on his face)
Link: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! That was my last one too!!! SON OF A BITCH!!!!
Medli: Link...
Link: (Is crying like a baby) Damn You!!! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!!!
Medli: LINK!!!
Link: *Sniff* yeah?
(Medli smiles and Holds out a Peanut Cheese bar)
Link: YAY!!!! PEANUT CHEESE BAR!!!
(Link Touches the Peanut cheese bar but the Medli puts her hand on top of his. Link looks up at Medli who is now blushing...)
Link: (thinking) Whats she doing... could it be???
(link smiles back, and he notices Medli as well as himself are slowly starting to come closer together.)
(now Medli and link are almost getting ready to kiss... they're lips are literally a millimeter apart when-)
Majora's Mask: HI CIN I KEEL YOU?!
(Medli and Link break apart almost instantly)
Link: MAJORA!!!! THAT'S IT!!! No, your not gonna kill us... I'M GONNA FUCKIN' KILL YOU!!! I've been keeping this behind me since I dug around in that first plothole... a mask I'm sure you'll recognize... Here comes...
(link slaps on mask... after less than a second a scream is heard and a blue light is seen as Link is transformed into...)
Link: FIERCE DEITY!!!!! [ Author note: unlike so many other humor fics, FD is a good guy in this one...)
Majora's Mask: so we meet again Fierce Dick!!!
Link (aka Fierce Deity) : *Unsheaths his MASSIVE "infinity" symbol-shaped sword* DIE SLUTJORA!!!!
Majora's Mask: *Trasforms into Majora's wrath* DIE FIERICE DICK!!!
(Majora whips link, but he fights back and stabs majora, they continue this for a full 10 minutes, kicking, stabing, whipping, slicing, dicing, cutting, bleeding, and last and least insulting each other. Finally after countless minutes which seems like years, FD Link gains a headway and Majora gets pwned...)
Fierce Deity: Now to finish you...
(Fierce Deity Holds out his hand and shoots majora with a large beam of light... completely obliterating him from the face of the Earth...)
Fierce Deity: ok... now to take this thing off...
(link takes off the Fierce deity mask)
Link: well.. at least now we won't be bothered by him...
(In another part of the temple)
Tetra: ok whereare those hands?
Niko: In your shoulders
Tetra: (Shoots niko)
Tetra: Shut up. Or was I supposed to say "shut up" first then shoot him? Ah well.
(Wallmaster pops out of floor with peanut cheese bar and hands it to tetra)
Tetra: (snaches the Peanut Cheese Bar away from the hand) FINALLY!!! I HAVE AQUIRRED THE SACRED PEANUT CHEESE BAR!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Ok where's the other one, who was supposed to kidnap Medli so I could kill her and seduce link so I rape him and rob him of both his virginity and his peanut cheese bars?
Gonzo: It get killed by link.
Tetra: DAMMIT!!! (Shoots Gonzo)
Gonzo: Whatever you say mistress. *dies*
(Inside the Boss Room in the Flying Purple Pokadoted Monkey that ate Link's sister's peanut cheese bars Temple.)
Link: Hey that's odd... Where's the boss?
Medli: ummm.. I don't know.
Laurato: Link, you fought him already.
Link: ???
Laurato: does "Majora" ring any bells?
Link: What the?
Medli: Ah well... Btw your umm... (Wispers something into Laurato's ear)
Laurato: (Giggling) oh ok Medli.. I'll kick myself out then. (she disappears, but before she does she winks at link and Medli)
Medli: Link, its that time... time to put the sword in and...
Link: Medli, I have something to tell you...
Medli: ye..yes???
Link: *sigh*... there is no master sword...
Medli: ...
Link: yes its all true.. it was never aquired in this fic. It was bypassed for that damn disco party scene.
Medli: To tell you the truth... I knew the entire time ^_^
Link: WHAT?!
Medli: The only reason I even went along with it is because I...
Link: you... (Could it be?!?!?! She really does?!?!?! It can't be...)
Medli: ...I love you.
Link: (Thinking) OMFG!!!
Link: and now that you mention it... I ... I love you too...
(After staring at each other for two minutes, they come together in a warm and tight embrace)
(After 10 minutes of making out)
Medli: Well, I'll say here and contin-
Link: Why? There's no master sword, remember?
Medli: huh? Oh yeah...
Link: Come with me.
Medli: What?
Link: Come with me, that way we can stay together for the rest of this fic... and it does not seem to be going anywhere fast.
Medli: you really DO love me don't you?
Link: Wasn't that kind of obvious that day that I busted you out of that prison in Faggot roost?
Medli: well... What about tetra?
Link: who's tetra? Oh yeah you mean the one who constantly beats me to a pulp for no apparent reason only to get killed herself? Well, she's just a dumbass.
Medli: I thought that since she was Zelda that you'd-
Rylasasin: I hate to break in here, but no Medli, tetra is NOT Zelda in this fic...
Link: Really?
Rylasasin: yeah... she's really... umm... Dare I say it?
Link/Medli: YES!!!
Rylasasin: Metroid Prime.
Link: so that's how metroid prime is able to fit into Fucked Up Fortress :/ Anyway, Medli, do you want to come with me?
Medli: (eyes light up) YES!!!
(Outside of Temple)
Tetra: Ok guys, you know the plan. I'll wound link so he can't get away, while you two kill Medli! Got that?!
??? and ??? (they look like space pirates from Metroid Prime): Yes mam.
Tetra: good. (hears something) oh shit here they come! Get ready guys...
I hope you enjoyed that. btw... I'm going to make the so-called "Ambush" tetra springs (and succeeds for once, but in a way fails as usuall) as funny as hell.
Chapter 7: The Romance.
Disclamer: I no own Zelda! I no Own Metroid either (Yes a few characters come and make an appearance here too, and I do not own Starfox.
Note to everyone:I would like to thank EVERYONE who reviewed this story. Your comments mean a lot to me. Keepem coming. I hope you people enjoy my attempt at the Link/Medli Romance. It will be my first but by no means the last. Oh and speaking of R and Romance... I got a little surprise for you link/Medli seekers. You came looking for R rated Link/Medli Material? Well you won't be disappointed. It will come at the end. For now, just enjoy the 7th crazy chapter of The Legend of Zelda:The Wind Wanker!!
(On Butthole Island.)
Laruto: Blah blah blah Master sword Blah blah blah Sage of Flying Purple Pokadoted Monkeys that ate your sister's peanut cheese bars Blah blah blah blah tetra must not be allowed to get any peanut cheese bars blah blah blah blah Medli blah blah blah Sage of Flying Purple Pokadoted Monkeys that ate your sister's peanut cheese bars blah blah gannon blah blah blah blah..
Link: You know woman I have no fucking clue what you're trying to get at... Gannon is eaten, I don't have the fucking master sword, Tetra's dead etc. etc. etc.
Laruto: well tetra's not dead... she only gets killed temporarily. Etc etc etc.
Link: I know I'm supposed to come here with Medli, but now she won't come because of the disasterous turn of events etc... *Cries*
Laruto: Link quit crying like some kind of pansy. Beleve it or not she actually likes you too.
Link: are you sure?
Laruto: SURE? YA WANT SURE GO WATCH THE NEWS! I'M JUST A GAYASS SAGE THAT SITS HERE FOR NO APPARENT REASON AND FILLS YOU WITH LAMEASS BULLSHIT.
Link: damn... what now?
Laruto: just wisper the truth into her ear and hope she goes with you?
Link: Why would she go to a place like this though..
Laruto: I don't know... to escape Komali? I guess... Look, just use the master sword thing as an excuse ok? Say its an "Official reason" etc etc. Because to tell you the truth, this fic is goin no where fast LOL.
Link: hey cool lots of time to do lots of worthless crap...
(Laruto disappears.)
(On Faggot Roost Island.)
Medli: Oh, Link! You're okay! You know, Prince Komali's been asking me all
about you. I can rest easy now that I've seen you safe and sound
with my own eyes. Prince Komali's turned into a fine, young adult, hasn't he? Recently, he's even begun doing things on his own without me. Every conversation still ends up centered on you though, Link. Watching Prince Komali grow up fills me with pride and makes me a little sad as well. I wonder if this is how a mother feels? Oh, but just listen to me go on! And how dumb I must sound!
(Medli thinks: Yeah like a complete dumbass.)
Medli: Well, I better continue practicing so I can be useless around here too. Performing music like this is a boring part of an attendant.
(Link shows Medli the Wind Wanker.)
Medli: Hey, is that the Wind Wanker? Wow! Link, will you conduct me? I wonder how I'll do.
(Link plays the Flying Purple Pokadoted Monkey that ate link's sister's peanut cheese bars God's Lyric in front of Medli.)
Medli: Hmm. What a mysterious song. It sounds so familiar. It's almost as if something I've forgotten is trying to be remembered. Oh, I feel..
(Medli faints.)
(10 minutes later)
Medli: (thinking) gods why can't I just have sex dreams like everyone else...
Medli: OMG link we need to go to the Flying Purple Pokadoted Monkey that ate your sister's peanut cheese bars Temple for no Apparent reason. (Thinking) Oh I know the reason Alright but I don't know if he'll like it...
Link: Alrighty then!!! (thinking) This is gonna be great! That is unless she dumps me for that Komali fucker.
(On Butthole Island.)
King of Red Arwings: Blah blah blah command theme blah blah blah link blah blah blah monsters blah blah blah tetra blah blah blah Peanut Cheese Bars Blah blah blah
Medli: You were right link... he really IS annoying.
(Link and Medli nod at each other and enter the Flying Purple Pokadoted Monkey that ate Link's sister's peanut cheese bars Temple while leaving the Kind of Red Arwings to blah-blah to himself.)
(Inside the Flying Purple Pokadoted Monkey that ate Link's sister's peanut cheese bars Temple.)
Link: (thinking) just walking around here with her is not gonna do any good. Better start a conversation of some -)
Medli: -so link, ya get hurt by any enemies during your adventures?
Link: ya know Medli, it seems weird but I only had to fight 3 enemies so far... that one in Fairy forest and those two that one time up on faggot roost. All the others either partyed, got blown up, killed by tanks, or majora. Weird eh?
(Medli giggles)
Medli: btw... forgot to ask... What was that thing in Fuckyou's chamber like? Was he hard?
Link: are you kidding me? All I had to do was make him realize he was flammable and he burned like a bucket full of gasoline.
(they both laugh)
Medli: Geez... even I could have done THAT...
Link: yep...
(Inside another room in the Flying Purple Pokadoted Monkey that ate Link's sister's peanut cheese bars Temple.)
(Link and Medli are fighting a bunch of enemies... suddenly two wallmasters come out. One grabs Medli, the reaches into links pocket and grabs link's Peanut cheese bar.)
Link: NOO!!! MY PEANUT CHEESE BAR!!!
Medli: AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! HEELP!!!
Link: MEDLI!!!
(Links looks at Medli, then at the Cheese bar, then at at Medli...)
Link: (thinking)OH GOD OH GOD WHAT NOW?!
(Medli and cheese bar slowly sink further into the ground.. knowing he'll never see one or the other again.. he thinks in very slow motion)
Link: (Thinking) I can only get one... One the one hand I got a Cheesebar so delicious nothing can compare... and on the other I got a girl who may love me but I don't know and If I don't ask fast I wont see either again... oh geez what now.. of course, one, and only one can come out in the end...)
Little Pepsi Girl from the Einstein Pepsi commercials (or was it coke? I forgot): (In links mind) DUUUUUUUUUUUU-UUHHHH!!!!!!!!! (mind reverses)
Link: *swats himself in the head) a no brainier!
(Link suddenly whips out his sword and Cuts the hand holding Medli. He tries to rush for the one holding his cheese bar but it sinks too fast and link falls flat on his face)
Link: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! That was my last one too!!! SON OF A BITCH!!!!
Medli: Link...
Link: (Is crying like a baby) Damn You!!! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!!!
Medli: LINK!!!
Link: *Sniff* yeah?
(Medli smiles and Holds out a Peanut Cheese bar)
Link: YAY!!!! PEANUT CHEESE BAR!!!
(Link Touches the Peanut cheese bar but the Medli puts her hand on top of his. Link looks up at Medli who is now blushing...)
Link: (thinking) Whats she doing... could it be???
(link smiles back, and he notices Medli as well as himself are slowly starting to come closer together.)
(now Medli and link are almost getting ready to kiss... they're lips are literally a millimeter apart when-)
Majora's Mask: HI CIN I KEEL YOU?!
(Medli and Link break apart almost instantly)
Link: MAJORA!!!! THAT'S IT!!! No, your not gonna kill us... I'M GONNA FUCKIN' KILL YOU!!! I've been keeping this behind me since I dug around in that first plothole... a mask I'm sure you'll recognize... Here comes...
(link slaps on mask... after less than a second a scream is heard and a blue light is seen as Link is transformed into...)
Link: FIERCE DEITY!!!!! [ Author note: unlike so many other humor fics, FD is a good guy in this one...)
Majora's Mask: so we meet again Fierce Dick!!!
Link (aka Fierce Deity) : *Unsheaths his MASSIVE "infinity" symbol-shaped sword* DIE SLUTJORA!!!!
Majora's Mask: *Trasforms into Majora's wrath* DIE FIERICE DICK!!!
(Majora whips link, but he fights back and stabs majora, they continue this for a full 10 minutes, kicking, stabing, whipping, slicing, dicing, cutting, bleeding, and last and least insulting each other. Finally after countless minutes which seems like years, FD Link gains a headway and Majora gets pwned...)
Fierce Deity: Now to finish you...
(Fierce Deity Holds out his hand and shoots majora with a large beam of light... completely obliterating him from the face of the Earth...)
Fierce Deity: ok... now to take this thing off...
(link takes off the Fierce deity mask)
Link: well.. at least now we won't be bothered by him...
(In another part of the temple)
Tetra: ok whereare those hands?
Niko: In your shoulders
Tetra: (Shoots niko)
Tetra: Shut up. Or was I supposed to say "shut up" first then shoot him? Ah well.
(Wallmaster pops out of floor with peanut cheese bar and hands it to tetra)
Tetra: (snaches the Peanut Cheese Bar away from the hand) FINALLY!!! I HAVE AQUIRRED THE SACRED PEANUT CHEESE BAR!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Ok where's the other one, who was supposed to kidnap Medli so I could kill her and seduce link so I rape him and rob him of both his virginity and his peanut cheese bars?
Gonzo: It get killed by link.
Tetra: DAMMIT!!! (Shoots Gonzo)
Gonzo: Whatever you say mistress. *dies*
(Inside the Boss Room in the Flying Purple Pokadoted Monkey that ate Link's sister's peanut cheese bars Temple.)
Link: Hey that's odd... Where's the boss?
Medli: ummm.. I don't know.
Laurato: Link, you fought him already.
Link: ???
Laurato: does "Majora" ring any bells?
Link: What the?
Medli: Ah well... Btw your umm... (Wispers something into Laurato's ear)
Laurato: (Giggling) oh ok Medli.. I'll kick myself out then. (she disappears, but before she does she winks at link and Medli)
Medli: Link, its that time... time to put the sword in and...
Link: Medli, I have something to tell you...
Medli: ye..yes???
Link: *sigh*... there is no master sword...
Medli: ...
Link: yes its all true.. it was never aquired in this fic. It was bypassed for that damn disco party scene.
Medli: To tell you the truth... I knew the entire time ^_^
Link: WHAT?!
Medli: The only reason I even went along with it is because I...
Link: you... (Could it be?!?!?! She really does?!?!?! It can't be...)
Medli: ...I love you.
Link: (Thinking) OMFG!!!
Link: and now that you mention it... I ... I love you too...
(After staring at each other for two minutes, they come together in a warm and tight embrace)
(After 10 minutes of making out)
Medli: Well, I'll say here and contin-
Link: Why? There's no master sword, remember?
Medli: huh? Oh yeah...
Link: Come with me.
Medli: What?
Link: Come with me, that way we can stay together for the rest of this fic... and it does not seem to be going anywhere fast.
Medli: you really DO love me don't you?
Link: Wasn't that kind of obvious that day that I busted you out of that prison in Faggot roost?
Medli: well... What about tetra?
Link: who's tetra? Oh yeah you mean the one who constantly beats me to a pulp for no apparent reason only to get killed herself? Well, she's just a dumbass.
Medli: I thought that since she was Zelda that you'd-
Rylasasin: I hate to break in here, but no Medli, tetra is NOT Zelda in this fic...
Link: Really?
Rylasasin: yeah... she's really... umm... Dare I say it?
Link/Medli: YES!!!
Rylasasin: Metroid Prime.
Link: so that's how metroid prime is able to fit into Fucked Up Fortress :/ Anyway, Medli, do you want to come with me?
Medli: (eyes light up) YES!!!
(Outside of Temple)
Tetra: Ok guys, you know the plan. I'll wound link so he can't get away, while you two kill Medli! Got that?!
??? and ??? (they look like space pirates from Metroid Prime): Yes mam.
Tetra: good. (hears something) oh shit here they come! Get ready guys...
I hope you enjoyed that. btw... I'm going to make the so-called "Ambush" tetra springs (and succeeds for once, but in a way fails as usuall) as funny as hell.