___chapter three [[release]]
[A/n: *dances* another update! =D Sorry, I'm not one of those people who update their fics every day… =__=" In fact, my main hobby is webdesigning. O__o;; Sooo… but anyway, I love this fic, and I thank my first few (I think it is at seven right now) reviewers very much for their comments. ^__^ I think one of the reviews was in French, but from what I can decipher with my very, very, very miniscule amount of French vocabulary (I believe it spans over three words: bonjour, oui, and frommage), I think you liked it. *nods* So muchos gracias to you all! ^__^ Domo Arigato! Xie xie! Danke, danke! Merci! *rants "thank you" in many other languages*
How's this story going to come along? I love the freedom of the plotlessness. I could really end it anywhere. But I have some plans in the future. Okay, not really, but I have some scenes in my head I'd really like to play out. I'll see how it goes.]
Drowning.
Cannot breathe.
Water.
Flooding me.
Filling me.
Pouring into the lungs, filling my body…
Not water anymore.
No more clear, translucent blue… it is a dark, murky red.
I smell blood.
I smell Battousai.
I am Battousai. The one who slays. Who delivers tenchuu. The one who will set aside his sanity in order to great a greater country. A greater country, built upon the souls of those who died in the Revolution. Their bodies and minds will be the foundation of a great, new era where social classes no longer matter.
Isn't that right?
Tomoe?
No more blood. Blood is gone.
No more water.
Dry land. Fresh air. Cool breezes. Blue skies. Pastel sunlight, streaming on her face. Hakubaikou… I inhale the smell of white plums instead of the decaying stench of blood.
Peace.
I am at peace.
For how long?
"Himura! Himura, I say, open up already!" Stirring, Himura Kenshin, aka Battousai, shook himself from his foggy dreams. What was he dreaming about again? I couldn't remember… drat.
His hair was slightly in disarray from crawling around the room all night. He remembered the restlessness he felt, trapped between the consciousness and slumber. Then he remembered… he calmed down. There was something that smelled good. It was a sweet smell, but not intoxicatingly so, more like the natural sugar from strawberries and… plums. That was it. White plums. Whipping around him like a blanket of cool breeze blowing his long hair back. It felt nice. He didn't want to wake up, but forced himself too. This was one of the rare times when his nightmares had obviously gotten the better of him; the room was in a bit of disarray. He looked down at himself. He hadn't bothered to change into a sleeping yukata, so he was still donned in his gi and hakama. But, at his side, there was a blue obi. He touched the fabric gently, almost apprehensively, and held it tightly suddenly. He clutched into a little ball, like an insecure child without his security blanket. Holding it tight, he rocked back and forth, whispering, "I am not a murderer I am not a murderer I am not a murderer" until his voice cracked and tears started to flow down his cheeks. Squeezing his eyes shut, he continued chanting, "I don't kill I'm not evil I'm not a monster I'm not…"
"Himura…" A soft voice startled him. He looked up from the middle of his sanity break and found himself looking into the eyes of Tomoe. She looked at his fetal position, clutching her obi close to him and crying. Her expression softened lightly, or perhaps it was just his imagination. This could all be his imagination, after all, for those who were insane experienced hallucinations very often-
She reached down, and stroked his hair lightly, coaxing him out of his little ball of security. Gently, she tugged the obi out of his death grasp and laid it down behind her. He was sobbing silently now, and she pulled him close in a hug. She heard the words he said, "I am not a killer I am not cruel I am not the devil I am not a monster I am not…" His breathing was eratic. She was disturbed but tried to calm herself down for his sake.
"It's alright," She cooed softly. "Nobody thinks you are a monster…"
"You do," He managed to mumble. Although the tears had stopped, his cheeks were still stained. "You think I'm a monster who makes it rain blood…"
Guilt flashed through Tomoe. She momentarily forgot that she was comforting the assassin who killed her love, her fiancé, and pulled him close again. "You say you kill… to bring peace. Peace will come, soon, some day… There will be a time where you can be who you are with no one telling you 'no'. There will be a time when young samurai can train and become strong, where young men can make friends with wise wanderers, where young women can fall in love, with no boundaries, nothing separating them… an era of peace. That's what you're fighting for, aren't you? You kill to bring forth peace."
"What I'm doing… is wrong…" He whispered, burying his wet face into her shoulder.
Tomoe hesitated. Still kneeling, the position was uncomfortable, but she knew she should help this poor boy. He was having a mental breakdown. "It is…" She admitted, "But… you had ideals in the beginning, didn't you? They all did, and that's what got them started… some other things interfered, like greed and desire and lust for power and money… but you don't have those things, don't you?" She gave him what looked like a ghost of a smile, or at least, an attempt at a somewhat friendly face.
He paused. "In the beginning…" He began slowly, "I had dreams. I had ideals. I wanted to save the people from suffering… I left my master, when to Kyoto, became a murderer…"
Tomoe looked at him sternly but kindly. "Where do you think you went wrong?"
"Murderer… one who kills. My sword… I can save people without… killing…" Kenshin hiccupped, and then fell back down, sleeping. Tomoe looked at him with a suspicious eye, before standing up and closing the shoji door behind him.
"Katsura-san. What did you give him last night to drink?" She asked harshly.
Katsura was leaning against a wall, his eyes closed, as if absorbing in some thought.
"We gave him more alcohol than he could hold. He doesn't get drunk; he gets delusional."
"Why?"
"Not for you to know." Katsura half-heartedly bowed, and exited. Tomoe eyed his retreating back warily before going to the kitchen.
"So?" Iizuka raised an eyebrow. "Did Himura succumb to the strong stuff?"
Katsura nodded. "He didn't feel the effects of the alcohol till morning, although I could tell he had a rough night of sleep. It's working; she took the bait too. While Himura was in his delusional 6-year-old childlike state, she comforted him just like a mother."
"Great." Iizuka said this without any real enthusiasm. The two men stood in silence for a while.
"Do you think-" They started at the same time, before Iizuka stopped and allowed his superior to speak.
"-I… I feel terrible we're doing this to Himura. If any more of this continues, he'll go insane." Katsura admitted.
"Remember, Katsura-san, if it's successful, Himura will be happy, which he hasn't been since he was a child. He was a child, then an orphan, then a slave, and then a student to the Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu, the strongest killing kenjutsu technique there is… Now he's a teenage shadow assassin, slaying some of the most important Pro-Bakufu politicians in Kyoto. How can he be happy?"
"Takasugi's plan to make Tomoe protect Himura like a sheath is rather absurd." Katsura muttered. "Tomoe's eyes are cold, but she may be capable of a little love. But Himura needs more love than she can give."
"Himura's going to break soon, with this assassin job." Iizuka said darkly. "Tomoe can help him heal. I've seen her; the way she speaks, the way she does everything… and she's got her fair share of problems herself. If I realized that she was going to be the Sheath, I wouldn't have sent Himura to kill the rat who heard our conversation."
"Yes, that was a mistake…" Katsura said, his mind thoughtful. "If only…" He sighed. "If we can just get Tomoe to love Himura, I'm sure he'll be alright for a while. Love can heal scars…"
"… Or deepen them." Iizuka finished off Katsura's saying for him. "All I can say is… if Himura's hurt any more… he's going to go mad."
Tomoe sighed, distressed. She was wiping the floor around the kitchen, which was covered with grime and dirt. Her hair was pulled back by a white cloth and she had scavenged an apron of sorts. She moved swiftly but gracefully, wiping it clean. Her thoughts were not on the floor, however, it was on him.
Katsura had just dropped by suddenly, and it made her suspicious. He did nothing except pound on the door a few times to wake him up, and then leaned against the wall, calm as ever. She had walked in that night to see him struggling and writhing, as if having a terrible nightmare, and she had tried to comfort him. But in the morning, it was even worse. He was delusional. His knees were pulled up to his chest, his strong arms gripping himself so tightly it left marks. His sword was near him, but tears had been streaming down his face.
She had never expected him to be like this.
To be like what, she wondered. To have feelings? Was that it? He had seemed so emotionless that night when he killed Akira. But then again, she was one to speak… Akira had been her friend since childhood, and they had always gotten along well. He was always the one to laugh and crack a joke in front of their close friends, and she was always sitting at the side, lightly smiling, but never opening up. It might have intimidated some people, and maybe that was why Akira's friends stopped coming by often.
She sighed. Even though his friends didn't see him because of her, Akira never left her side. She was filled with euphoria when her engagement was announced, but the most she could do was bow politely to his parents. She caught a look in his eye that looked like he was disappointed. Was he disappointed in her, or her reaction?
She shook herself out of her daydreams. Back to Battousai… She reminded herself. That's my problem. How was he her problem? She was her own problem. Her maternal instincts kicked in when he was crying like a small child, whispering things about evil and killing... "I am not a monster", she heard him repeat over and over again, desperately trying to grasp some truth in this statement.
Her thoughts drifted back to Katsura, who had been silently observing against the wall of the hall the whole time. He had something to do with this; she was sure of it. He smelled of alcohol when she had been close to him, so maybe he had too much to drink...?
Somehow, she knew that unlike the days she drank recklessly, he wouldn't just drown his sorrows in alcohol. It was something else… maybe that night, someone had tempted him to too much, or gave him so extremely strong alcohol, or even drugged him…
She wasn't sure what had happened to make him so drunk and delusional, but she was still wary of Katsura and his men. She eyed a scrunched up note in the trashcan, and unable to contain her curiosity, looked at it.
As she unfolded the paper, she read the words, "Project Sheath" on the top, underlined. It continued to say,
"Himura-
We are aware that you are housing the woman called 'Tomoe' in your house. She doesn't seem to be leaving, although we are not sure if she is staying of her own accord. You may or may not know by now, but Tomoe has ties with big politicians… especially Yukishiro Enishi. Be careful. Takasugi urges to you greatly to instigate Project Sheath… make her love you and-"
Tomoe stopped reading. Her hands shaking, she ripped up the note into many different pieces, and angrily threw them in the trashcan. She stood up, a little wobbly after being on her knees for so long, but was enraged. How dare they?! They expect her to love the one who killed her fiancé?! It was so unlike her, but Tomoe felt a great urge to march up to them and scream bloody hell at that stupid Katsura and his little minions.
Taking a deep breath, she calmed herself. A strange thought popped into her head… Battousai hadn't done anything to try and draw her to him. Maybe he didn't like the plan…
She eyed the room that he was still sleeping in, her thoughts racing.
"Maybe I can find… an ally in him."
[a/n: Well, now you know what the note says. Part of it, at least. You don't need to know the rest, anyway. ;p It's called Project Sheath, because I don't have a better name for it. o__o Battousai's sanity is being put to the test with his occupation, but maybe a sheath can save him…
I know this story isn't very fast paced… except for the first chapter, things are moving so slowly. I know the chapters are pretty short, forgive me… ;__; School's started up again, and I didn't make it into Algebra II… *cries* I think the teacher hates me though, since I have the EXACT SAME SCORES as someone who did make it in without a problem. Grr… but anyway…
This story is really very mellow. It genre is "angst/romance", but I'm going to change it to general and romance. I had planned for this to be angsty, but I just can't stick to that for too long. It gets me depressed… *___* I'm so into writing angsty one-shots and own-creations, but my fics are really mellow sometimes. x__x Anyhoo… No more to say, so… ja ne? ~Midori]