Disclaimer: All characters mentioned hereafter belong to Tolkien.
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Gallant Gimli's Perfect Plan for Leggy Legolas
Gimli the Dwarf possesses an axe.
Plenty of patience is what Gimli lacks.
This proves to be a deadly combination,
Especially for Legolas, the Elven Abomination,
Because plenty of patience Legolas entails,
And often, dreams Gimli, of exposing his entrails.
But that it would be too merciful is Gimli's belief,
And much rather would Gimli see him dying of grief.
Suddenly, the perfect plan pops into his head,
And that puny blasted elf, he knows, soon will be dead.
Gimli spots his target not too far from himself.
As always, off in his own world is Legolas the elf.
Oblivious to his surroundings, Legolas twirls his hair,
Too absorbed to notice the axe being raised into the air.
Legolas looks up to find Gimli's axe towering above,
And soon finds himself torn from his one and only love.
Eyes wide in shock, too horrified to speak,
Tears from his eyes start to spill down his cheek.
Legolas decides he can't take it anymore,
So he picks up his hair and lies down on the floor.
He kisses his tress and closes his eyes,
And, with a heartbroken sob, poor Legolas dies.
Instantly, the air is filled with clamorous cheers,
And shouts of praise enter a giddy Gimli's ears.
Wide smiles grace the faces of Gimli and the rest,
As they abandon Legolas and continue on their quest.
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