101 USES FOR ALYSSA'S HAIR
1.To scare away birds
2.To soak up an oil spill
3.To laugh at
4.To practice hairdressing
5.To demonstrate static electricity
6.To clean the blood up after the static demonstration went wrong
7.To blame the static demonstration on
8.To dig your way out of prison after you were blamed for the static demonstration
9.To dig your way out of the mental hospital you've been put in because you tried to dig your way out of prison using hair
10.To scare children in a ghost train
11.To chop up and use as itching powder
12To take the piss out of
13.To tell ships where cliffs are (like a lighthouse)
14.To cure baldness
15.To fight off angry bald people because the cure didn't work
16.To make nests
17.To conduct electricity
18.To fry birds with the electricity you just conducted
19.To create fire
20.To dust
21.To clean the toilet
22.To clean the sink
23.To unblock the sink after you accidentally lost the hair in the sink
24.To stuff cushions
25.To stick inside cigarettes so that they stink
26.To laugh at the person who's trying to work out where that smell just came from
27.To stop the draft coming under your door
28.To clean up when you've split something
29.To graffiti
30.To stick in peoples eyes
31.To make new eyebrows
32.To make wool
33.To use the wool you just made to make socks
34.To give the socks you just made from the wool you just made to someone you can't be bothered to spend money on for Xmas
35.To beat the dust out of rugs
36.To paint walls
37.To put in someone's stew
38.To clean up the sick stains made after the person ate the stew
39.To make rope
40.To use the rope you made to make a bridge
41.To try and pull yourself up the cliff you just fell down because the bridge didn't work
43.To make the strings for a musical instrument
44.To hide behind when the orchestra find out you've replaced all the strings on their instruments with hair
45.To stick ice in to make those bruise you got from the orchestra feel better
46.To make book covers
47.To make camouflage nets
48.To point at when the country you made the camouflage nets for loses a war
49.To make models
50.To build a house
51.To build another house after the house you just made blew over
52.To make toilet roll
53.To hide from the person who used the toilet roll and is now in hospital with hair in their colon
54.To make glue
55.To make a nice handbag
56.To help you when someone tries to snatch the bag you made
57.To attack the person who just tried to take your bag
58.To be your alibi when the person dies of hair poisoning
59.To saw through the bars of your prison cell
60.To make interesting jewelry
61.To decorate your home
62.To make clothes
63.To plant and hope that it grows into a new species
64.To whack the thing that just grew out of the soil
65.To tickle the belly of the thing that just swallowed you
66.To be a bookmark
67.To use as a hankie
68.To read people's future
69.To make a warm blanket in the winter
70.To make horrible itchy uniforms for people
71.To scare people at Halloween
72.To mix with fake blood and smear on the people who didn't give you sweets when you went trick or treating
73.To fly
74.To fall
75.To put on the floor to make people fall over
76.To make a cast for someone who's broken their arm
77.To cheer you up
78.To piss people off
79.To make small toys for children
80.To sell
81.To make rat poison
82.To make candyfloss
83.To sit on your finger and be your friend because all your other friends hate you
84.To argue with when you can't get it off your finger
85.To have surgically removed from your finger
86.To make a doormat
87.To poke people with
88.To help cure poverty
89.To fix your computer with
90.To tickle the person who you had to call to get the hair out of your computer
91.To try and buy a new computer after the old one got smashed over your head
92.To fish
93.To create a cult of hair monsters
94.To sail to an island
95.To build a shelter on the island you sailed to
96.To burn so that someone will save you from the island that that damn hair took you to
97.To eat after no one saves you
98.To stop you getting sunburn
99.To blend in with all the animals on the island
100.To block up your digestive system and kill you
101.To create world peace
1.To scare away birds
2.To soak up an oil spill
3.To laugh at
4.To practice hairdressing
5.To demonstrate static electricity
6.To clean the blood up after the static demonstration went wrong
7.To blame the static demonstration on
8.To dig your way out of prison after you were blamed for the static demonstration
9.To dig your way out of the mental hospital you've been put in because you tried to dig your way out of prison using hair
10.To scare children in a ghost train
11.To chop up and use as itching powder
12To take the piss out of
13.To tell ships where cliffs are (like a lighthouse)
14.To cure baldness
15.To fight off angry bald people because the cure didn't work
16.To make nests
17.To conduct electricity
18.To fry birds with the electricity you just conducted
19.To create fire
20.To dust
21.To clean the toilet
22.To clean the sink
23.To unblock the sink after you accidentally lost the hair in the sink
24.To stuff cushions
25.To stick inside cigarettes so that they stink
26.To laugh at the person who's trying to work out where that smell just came from
27.To stop the draft coming under your door
28.To clean up when you've split something
29.To graffiti
30.To stick in peoples eyes
31.To make new eyebrows
32.To make wool
33.To use the wool you just made to make socks
34.To give the socks you just made from the wool you just made to someone you can't be bothered to spend money on for Xmas
35.To beat the dust out of rugs
36.To paint walls
37.To put in someone's stew
38.To clean up the sick stains made after the person ate the stew
39.To make rope
40.To use the rope you made to make a bridge
41.To try and pull yourself up the cliff you just fell down because the bridge didn't work
43.To make the strings for a musical instrument
44.To hide behind when the orchestra find out you've replaced all the strings on their instruments with hair
45.To stick ice in to make those bruise you got from the orchestra feel better
46.To make book covers
47.To make camouflage nets
48.To point at when the country you made the camouflage nets for loses a war
49.To make models
50.To build a house
51.To build another house after the house you just made blew over
52.To make toilet roll
53.To hide from the person who used the toilet roll and is now in hospital with hair in their colon
54.To make glue
55.To make a nice handbag
56.To help you when someone tries to snatch the bag you made
57.To attack the person who just tried to take your bag
58.To be your alibi when the person dies of hair poisoning
59.To saw through the bars of your prison cell
60.To make interesting jewelry
61.To decorate your home
62.To make clothes
63.To plant and hope that it grows into a new species
64.To whack the thing that just grew out of the soil
65.To tickle the belly of the thing that just swallowed you
66.To be a bookmark
67.To use as a hankie
68.To read people's future
69.To make a warm blanket in the winter
70.To make horrible itchy uniforms for people
71.To scare people at Halloween
72.To mix with fake blood and smear on the people who didn't give you sweets when you went trick or treating
73.To fly
74.To fall
75.To put on the floor to make people fall over
76.To make a cast for someone who's broken their arm
77.To cheer you up
78.To piss people off
79.To make small toys for children
80.To sell
81.To make rat poison
82.To make candyfloss
83.To sit on your finger and be your friend because all your other friends hate you
84.To argue with when you can't get it off your finger
85.To have surgically removed from your finger
86.To make a doormat
87.To poke people with
88.To help cure poverty
89.To fix your computer with
90.To tickle the person who you had to call to get the hair out of your computer
91.To try and buy a new computer after the old one got smashed over your head
92.To fish
93.To create a cult of hair monsters
94.To sail to an island
95.To build a shelter on the island you sailed to
96.To burn so that someone will save you from the island that that damn hair took you to
97.To eat after no one saves you
98.To stop you getting sunburn
99.To blend in with all the animals on the island
100.To block up your digestive system and kill you
101.To create world peace