Author's Notes: Hmmm...couldn't resist writing another chapter to while away the time in my pointless existence. Right at present, I am hungry, so hungry, that right now, I wouldn't even mind eating vampire dust, which is saying a lot. And I have named the big mosquito who has been sucking my blood for the last three hours Alucard, and the little buzzy one - SMAP! Okay, forgot the little one, it's history now. Well, actually, I called it Celes, well, too bad for her.
Hmm...The Mosquito Chronicles...another interesting idea, no?
Anyway, more madness, and singing in this chapter.
"I want an explanation," Integra began coolly, looking at the slightly twitching Captain.
"Captain Bernadotte, I want an explanation. NOW," she growled, her blue eyes glowing a certain blue-hot flame of anger.
The captain twitched at the voice, his one eye without an eyepatch sqinting tight for a moment, before he grinned and raised up his head to face the angry head of Hellsing.
"Well, Sir, um, Lady, Integral. We were just marching back on to homebase, and decided to sing a bit, you know, army comradrerie and all that stuff. Just a little fun," he said sheepishly, his mouth locked in a permaneant forced grin.
"'Just a little fun'," Integral echoed hollowly, standing up from her seated position, her shoulders hutched and shaking, Pip heard her take a deep breath and braced himself.
"YOU CALL WAKING UP HALF THE CITY WITH SINGING COMPARABLE TO A BAND OF INANE MONKEYS, CARTWHEELING DOWN THE ROADS OF LONDON TO HER MAJESTY'S PALACE, AND THEN FORMING A HUMAN PYRAMID IN FRONT OF THE GATES OF THE ROYAL PALACE, AND SCREECHING OUT 'GOD SAVE THE QUEEN!' A LITTLE FUN!!?!?!??!"
Pip clenched his jaw in fear, and moved very slowly backwards when he saw that Integra wasn't done with him yet, "You know, we were just being patriotic..."
"Patriotic...PATRIOTIC!?" Integra started heaving as she prepared for another round of vicious abuse to be directed at the captain.
"We really couldn't help it you know!" Pip said in desperation, "It just came over us! I never knew I could cartwheel before tonight...and by the way, did you know you have this really big throbbing vein on your forehead that looks kinda like-"
However, that did not stop Sir Integra from barraging her new captain on the need for respect of the Royal Household, how Hellsing needed to uphold their honor, and the dangers their singing would give to anyone nearby. And she was just getting started.
A polite rap of three knocks on the door finally stopped Integra from further injuring the hurt captain, who seemed to be having a hard time just standing up from all the swift and powerful scolding that had just been unleashed on him.
"Come in!" she snapped in her not-quite-spent fury, settling down in her chair with a huff, grabbing her cigar case and fishing one out with one hand while her other hand took out her lighter.
Walter walked in with precise strides to stand respectfully in front of Intgera's desk, taking the place of Pip, who had finally staggled to the far wall and collasped against it.
"Sir Integra, I understand that you are currently busy," Walter began. Integra brought a cigar to her mouth, lighted it, and took a long draw from it to calm herself, her face still slightly flushed.
"But I believe there is something that you should see," he did not quite finish, but waited for her approval first.
"Oh? What is the matter, and where?" Integra replied, leaning on the palm of one arm while she held her cigar.
"In the laundry room, Sir," Walter said cautiously.
Integra raised an eyebrow in surprise, "The laundry room? Isn't this a domestic matter that you can handle?"
Walter nodded apologetically, "I wish I could, Sir Integra, but unfortunately, the 'matter' is rather peculiar. I suggest you follow me and see for yourself,"
Integra was rather curious as to what could have happened that would require her attention, and left her study to follow her steward to another area of the Hellsing manor. Pip, who had recovered moderately from his encounter, quickly tailed them.
After having walked at a brisk pace down the steps to the servant quarters, as Integra who was in the front turned around the corner, she watched and heard the ending performance of several servants.
Man, holding a white shirt in his hands: "They got,"
"The mustard,
"Ooooooooooouuut!"
Chorus of other servants: "They got the mustard oooooooooooooout!"
The servants, all with clean shirts of various colours in their hands, were dancing in a triangular formation while the main singer was at the end, holding up the white shirt as he sang his lines. All around them, several other servants were doing cartwheels and flips while holding boxes of detergent in their hands.
Integra was stunned, her eyes not blinking, her cigar in the danger of being dislodged from her ajar mouth.
"As you can see, I was not able to stop them from completing their, ahem, performance," commented Walter from behind.
Pip glanced at the servants, who had suddenly realised what they were doing and who was there and were scampering about in anxiety and embarrassment. He mumbled to himself, "Our routine was waaaaaay better..."
Celes walked out of the park in a mingle of shock, confusion and vague understanding. She had just burst out into song some 7 minutes ago, or did she? Maybe it was because she was hungry, and she got hallucinations, or maybe she went fullblown nuts again and this was her body's natural way of preventing her from waking up screaming. But, the bodies of the vampires were dust, most definitely dust. Maybe she was dreaming? But she was certain she had not dozed off. So, she must really have started singing, but she was notoriously tonedeaf, there was noway she could have sang all that. Not to mention the other vampires were joining together in a coordinated effort, sort of.
Once she reached the empty road, and stood underneath a streetlamp, she immediately opened her ammo box and took out her radio receiver.
"This is agent Celes Victoria, I need to be picked up outside Hyde Park, along 53rd street, over," she said into the mouthend.
"Affirmative. Be ready for contact in 10 minutes," a voice replied over the ear piece.
Celes sighed and leaned against the cool metal of the lamppost, looking straight ahead at the empty and deserted street. It was quiet tonight, and if she just pushed her hearing just that bit to break her human limits, she could hear the heartbeats and breathing of the sleeping denizens in their apartments. One beat, two beats, three beats four...
She was sorely reminded of her own lack of pulse
"And if you happen to continue this ridiculous wringing of your humanity, you will continue to be so," retorted a deep voice from behind her.
Celes jumped in surprise and immediately turned on her heel, and knowing full well who that voice belonged to, she shouted, "MASTER! DON'T DO THAT!"
Alucard was leaning against the same post, her back to her and half shrouded in darkness, making his silhoutte looking reddish at the edges from his coat. As he twisted around to face his apprentice, he brought to fingers to his forehead, and tipped his hat up and his sunglasses down to reveal his red eyes, giving him a clear view as he looked down at the rather flustered Celes.
Amusement played itself across his face and he grinned widely admidst light laughter, "Don't do what? I have been standing here since you came out of the park. I had thought you to be able to detect your own master, but it seemed my expectations of you were too high,"
Celes looked up at him angrily at his criticism, but resigned to the fact that she had to live it, probably for the all eternity if she was too careful. Sighing a bit in a peeved sort of a way, she placed her ammo box and Halconnen on the sidewalk.
"Why are you here, Master? I thought Sir Integra said that this was a solo mission,"
Alucard pushed his sunglasses back up his nose, his sardonic grin still plastered on his face, "I don't need Integra's orders to go where I want, policegirl. At least until she orders me to stay confined in the mansion, and we both know she would never do that if she had a choice," he laughed lightly again, casually drawing out his 454 Casull and eyed it with a slight critical air.
"As for me being around Hyde Park, I thought you might need a little help on your first solo mission, seeing as the last time you faced the undead alone, it didn't exactly work out as you planned, hm?" he peered down at the young vampire, who was keeping her jaw clenched tightly in her mounting exasperation of being ridiculed by her senior.
Alucard smiled, this time not so much mocking as pleased, "But I suppose this trip was unnecassary, you seemed to have handled this mission rather well,"
Celes felt her face flushing. It was not because of his praise, well, maybe just a bit; but because if he knew she had managed to defeat the late vampires, then that meant he must have seen her...singing.
"Too bad I wasn't here for the big show, but since you came out unhurt and I detected the whiff of some trash vampires' dust on my way here, I assume the mission was a roaring success," he finished.
Phew!
"But you still must buck up on using your vampiric abilities more habitually," he said evenly as he held his gun straight out, looking at the far corner of the next street.
"Or else you would have detected the unusual clatter of noise coming up that street," Alucard pointed his gun at the corner in question, eyeing it expectantly.
Celes grumbled slightly, silently wishing her Master would just stop criticising her so much as she concentrated on that spot some distance away. Her concentration allowed her enhanced abilities to work, and true enough, she heard a strange rhythmic tapping noise coming ever closer from around the corner.
"Ha! What do you think, policegirl? It's far, far past midnight, so would this be some lumbering ghoul or a cheap trash vampire?" Alucard grinned, his teeth flashing as he fingered his gun's trigger hopefully.
Soon, the two vampires' target came out into the light, and Celes replied, almost triumphantly, "Or it could be a human man, probably drunk and tapdancing up the street,"
Alucard's playful expression was replaced by a disappointed one as he too saw that it was just some hapless man who was tapdancing all the way to the corner and under the streetlamp.
"Fool," he muttered under his breath as he tilted his gun back slightly, the thoughts of shooting the man anyway and blaming it on mistaking him for a vampire crossing his mind. Twice.
Then, quite suddenly, the man exploded.
His scream of agony was shortlived as the flames quickly consumed him, turning him into a bright red orange flare in the dark streets. Soon, his flesh is totally consumed in this unnatural fire, and his blacken and thoroughly scorched skeleton colaspes to the pavement.
Several meters away, two vampires in different stages of bewilderment stared at the finished process of spontaneous combustion.
Celes' eyes were wide in shock. She turned stiffly to look at her master's gun, then her eyes travelled up at her master's face.
Alucard looked at his gun, and slowly cocked his head to the side, his grin having disappeared to be replaced by an expression of polite and slight bewilderment.
Some distance away, the rumbling engine and low headlights of a Hellsing military vehicle was appearing from up the street.