It's taken me so long to update. I've been away at my mom's for a lot longer than we originally expected. But I'm finally back! Yay! So, without further ado. . .

Chapter 19
"I HATE Scattergories," Justi muttered through clenched teeth. "I mean, what kind of crackhead game is this? Things found in a FRIDGE? What the hell kind of question is that?"
"Yeah, that does give you an unfair advantage," Teddy said, grinning.
"Shut the hell up!" she cried, and hit him with a pillow.
"God, Justi," Chris said, "if you don't want to play, just say so."
Justi looked up and glared at him. "I will resort to hitting you with this pillow to get you to understand a seemingly simple concept, Chambers," she growled menacingly. "I." - thump- "Don't." -thump- "Want." -thump- "To." -thump- "Play." -thump- "This." -thump- "Stupid." -thump- "Assed." -thump- "Game." -thump- "DAMMIT."
"Oh, BURN," Teddy crowed. "What now, Chambers?"
"Well, what DO you want to do?" Chris asked, in a frightening parody of patience.
"Uh, eat food?"
"There's no more food, Justi."
"How can there be no more food?"
"It has something to do with the fact that you've wanted to eat food for the last six hours."
Gordie, in an attempt to bring his friends closer together, was hosting a Christmas party at his house. Although not technically Christmas, Boxing Day, everyone figured, was close enough to pass off as a holiday.
"You're telling me there's no more food?" Justi repeated, in a voice a little smaller and less sure than it had been.
"And I'm also telling you that that is your fault."
"BURN!"
"Teddy, who TAUGHT you that phrase?" Justi demanded, wheeling around to look at him. "Because if you say that one more time, there WILL be food- there will be fresh, roasted Teddy spleen sitting on the table, ready to be carved."
Vern, who was trying desperately not to do anything wrong, couldn't help but pull a face. The rest were a little more vocal about their protests.
"What the hell would you do with my SPLEEN, you sick freak?" Teddy asked. "I mean, my God, woman, do you even know what the fuck a spleen DOES?"
"I don't know what a brine shrimp does, but I like THEM just fine."
"You've never had a brine shrimp," Gordie interrupted. "Just the other day you were telling me that your lifelong ambition was to eat a brine shrimp for the first time and then write a book about it."
"THAT'S your life goal?" Teddy repeated. "THIS is why we play Scattergories. We play so that we can see past what we'll have for lunch today."
"What, you wouldn't buy a book called "Digesting the Brine"?"
Teddy thought about that for a little while before relenting. "Eh, I probably would. Brine's a funny word."
"Yeah! See! I'll make millions and then you'll come crawling to me on your sorry ass and THEN we'll see who's laughing!"
"You can't crawl on your ass, Justi," Chris put in helpfully.
"You can crabwalk," Justi informed, "and dammit, that's good enough for me."
Gordie shrugged. "Okay," he muttered, grinning at her. "But I still won this round."
"And the round before that. And the round before that," Teddy continued. "Justi, who won the round before that? Help me out?"
"Gordie, I think it was?"
"Oh yeah! Gordie!" Teddy looked at him with a death glare. "I'm with Justi. I'd rather be eating."
Justi grinned. "I'd rather be eating. I'm going to get a shirt that says that. I'd rather be eating."
"This just in: before long you'll be too fat to wear shirts," Teddy notified her.
"Ouch," Gordie muttered. He, Chris, and Vern all instinctively scooted back- just in time to avoid the faster-than-sound buzzer being thrown at Teddy from across the playing circle.
"Ow." Teddy put his hand up to his forehead. "That hurt, darling, but I'll take you back."
"Oh, Ted. Be mine."
"Gladly, dearest."
"I'd walk a dozen seas and swim a dozen suns to be with you, love."
"You moron. I refuse to marry you now."
"WHAT? You promised I could have your children!"
"What is going on here?" Chris asked, not the only one thinking that.
"I dunno," Justi shrugged, then pointed at Teddy. "He started it. Blame him."
"What, for both of you being completely insane?"
"Yeah. He was born before me. He could have rushed over and removed the insane part of my brain when I was born so that it wouldn't grow."
"Justi, if he'd done that, you wouldn't even have enough brain to function."
"Ha! Funny! Only, not." Justi glared at Gordie and Chris. "I'll leave you two to your gay love affair now," she grumbled. "I have a higher calling."
"We're out of food," Gordie screeched.
"No you're not. I hid a box of crackers in the pantry. Come on, Teddy. Let's leave these three idiots to their own devices. Vern, I hope you like handcuffs." Vern visibly recoiled, managing to completely miss any joking that might have been in her voice.
"Well, they're off," Gordie observed, staring at the game space that was once his kingdom.
"Indeed," Chris said wisely. "Ten bucks says we go in there and they're fucking like animals."
Gordie stared at him. "Is it like, sick perverted creature night around here or something? I must have missed the flier."
"Every night is sick creature night," Chris said cheerfully, standing and pulling Gordie to his feet as well. "I think we should check up on the two most-likely-to-fornicate sick creatures before we're dealing with matters bigger than ourselves."
They tiptoed, up against the wall, until they got to the kitchen door, and peeked around the door frame.
Gordie's jaw dropped.
"Oh my God, you were right," he whispered fiercely to Chris, who just smiled and nodded. They were looking at Justi and Teddy spread over a table and kissing like none of them had ever seen anyone kiss.
"There will BE no fornication on this table!" Gordie screeched, jumping out into the kitchen. "Teddy! Stop trying to impregnate strange women on the surface that I regularly EAT off of!" The last part made him shiver, and he cringed.
"Hey," a breathless Justi contested weakly. "I'm not strange."
"You're right, you're not," Teddy said.
"Teddy! YOU! Are! Still! Laying! On! A! Woman! On! My! Table! KINDLY get off before I am forced to KICK SOME ASS!"
In spite of himself, Chris had to laugh.
"You think I couldn't open up a can of whoop-ass on Teddy?" Gordie asked, wheeling around to face Chris. At Chris's face, he waved a hand. "Never mind. Just. . . never mind." He turned back around. "Theodore Jude Duchamp. Justine Evelyn Zegers. If the two of you do not get off my table RIGHT NOW there will be HELL to pay."
"Gordie hell," Teddy whispered in Justi's ear, and she had to laugh.
"Don't laugh!"
Teddy sighed heavily and climbed off of Justi, rolling rather gracelessly off the table and landing with a thud.
"Oh, dear. Did that hurt?" Justi inquired, peering down at him.
"No," Teddy started. "I-"
"He's MANLY," Chris finished for him. "Aren't you, Teddy?"
"I am."
Justi giggled.
"Into the living room!" Gordie announced, trying to herd all of his friends into the other room, where he could once again reign as the king of word games.

"So. . ." Chris began, staring at Justi and Teddy, when all had relocated to Gordie's couches. "How long has this little. . . fling been going on?"
"Eh, a month?" Justi asked, looking to Teddy for clarification. He nodded.
"WHAT?!" they all demanded.
"A MONTH, and no one could come forward and tell us?" Gordie demanded. "I am shocked. My God. My world is coming down around me."
"Gordie, shut up."
"This from the man whose bodily fluids are probably all over my kitchen."
"Gordie, it is physically impossible for any of my. . . fluids to be anywhere in your house. Except maybe in my pants. And furthermore, I don't think you'd know a bodily fluid if it injected itself into your ass."
"I dunno," Chris said, raising an eyebrow.
"OK, that's more of this conversation than I ever want to hear," Justi said loudly. "Did you SEE that weather today, Vern?"
"Okay, okay, we're done with the argument over Gordie's naïvely virgin way of looking at the world," Teddy announced.
"Good," Justi murmured, shuddering. "Come! Into the kitchen! There's still some eggnog in there!"

"Fast forward twenty years. Justi and Teddy are living together with a thousand kids. Vern is some junkyard owner hermit. And I'm a lawyer. And that's the way it'll go," Chris said confidently, half an hour later.
"And what am I, your concubine?" Gordie demanded shrilly. "Some sort of male prostitute?"
"Eh," Chris slurred. Vern had gone home; the rest of them were slightly drunk on eggnog- some more than others.
"Do you know how old we'll be in twenty years?" Justi asked. "We'll be hiring people to trim the hair from our ears."
"What?"
"Yeah," Justi said, reclining against Teddy. "As it happens, I have very hairy ears."
"My ears," Teddy informed, looking down at her, "are very pristine."
"Teddy Duchamp, the Hairless Wonder."
"Ha!" Chris jeered, standing up. "And one day, I'll write a song. I dunno. . . I'll be famous. I'll go on the road. You two can be my roadies," he said, pointing at Justi and Teddy.
"And what am I, your-"
"Yes, you can be my male prostitute."
Gordie rolled his eyes, tried to stand, decided it wasn't worth the effort, and sat back down.
"Gordie, that was quite a show."
"What?"
"It's like being at a Chippendales show."
"My sitting, standing, and sitting?" "Yes."
Gordie shook his head. "Nah. THIS is like being at a Chippendales
show. WHOOO!"
Justi covered her eyes. "Teddy, help. . . my whole life I've prayed that I'd never see Chris and Gordie drunk enough to make standing and sitting a Chippendales show. . . "
Chris looked at her like she was an idiot. "We're not BOTH doing the Chippendales," he said, speaking slowly so as not to confuse her, "only one of us."
"The fact that you're enjoying it is quite enough to incriminate you."
"Ah."
"Yeah, that's pretty gay," Teddy agreed, nose wrinkled. "Please stop before we have to assassinate you and then fake political correctness."
Justi sighed. "Thank you, Teddy. It's a good thing I have you around. . . you're soo much better at being a blunt asshole than I am." "You'll come around," he muttered contentedly. "In the meantime, I heart you anyway." He bent down to kiss her and she wrapped her arms around his neck lazily. "They HEART each other!" Chris exclaimed. "This calls for a celebration!" Ordinarily, Justi would have looked up, but two things kept her kissing him: one, she knew they had no more food to celebrate with, and two, this wasn't just anybody she was kissing. It was Teddy. And because it was Teddy, she ran a hand through his hair and simply kissed him harder.

End Of Chapter 19

Yay! I updated! Heart for me. . . Heart for everyone! I'm just really happy to be back here with a computer. I'll get the other chapters up soon. Now my sister is bugging me to get off, so I'll be back!

Heart!