A/N: Sol be praised, Joe has had a sugar crash!
Joe: Errgh...
Yoshimi: So, now I'm safe. The Angry Rabble has even gone away!
Charlie: Look! There's another Ringwraith approaching!
Phil: It's the Witch King of Angmar, Lord of the Nazûls!
Yoshimi: Eep! Let's get the reviews done quickly so I can barricade the door!
&&&
Midnight C -- Don't worry about the Adepts. The Angry Rabble beat them off, and now they're probably recovering from their wounds. However, now they'll probably be madder than ever, and will probably attempt a full-frontal assault on me. Hooray. Good luck with Shade and Mist. Somehow, I get the same feeling about them trying to be inspirational...
Shiro Amayagi -- I'm glad you liked the Angry Rabble. I was afraid that someone was going to get insulted. Angry Rabble may be returning, because everything that I write comes back, it seems.
Vyctori -- I've noticed that Saturos always seems to take a drop in IQ points when he takes part in a humour fic. Everyone that I write in seems to come back. I'm guessing that all of the people who took part in the last episode of my muses and I are lying low, licking their wounds.
Super Sheba -- Thanks for the idea! My reviewers are very helpful at finding stories...more so than my staff.
Random Staff Member: *whistles inconspicuously*
Yoshimi: Ahem! Anyway, the replacing of swearwords was partly because I don't like swearwords, and partly because I have a very limited vocabulary of swearwords, so the Fuchin Temple monks would repeat themselves very often.
Azu -- That was annoying, wasn't it? Weyard Weekly almost became weekly! Of course I'll keep going; I have no reason to stop. Thanks for the idea, too.
White_Mage -- Yeah, they don't need to control their tempers; I'd lose a valuable running gag! Thanks for the compliments. I'm never sure what's funny and what's not when I put together another issue of Weyard Weekly.
Empress Dotdotdot -- It was my pleasure to use your idea; I got an article without even having to think! And that's a good thing. I'm glad that my reviewers are finding this so funny! Extra good luck with finding a snack, I'm getting hungry!
Maxor -- More good ideas! You're spoiling me, you are! I'll wait until I am running out of ideas before using the Djinn Kidnappers, but I'll use the other right away!
Elemental Adept -- Well, if the chapters are short, I can update more often with less. I tried to mock the Sol Sanctum incident, but nothing came into my head that I could flesh out. I was thinking something along the lines of "Kraden? Who's Kraden?" because everyone just said Jenna's name and not Kraden's, but I just didn't find a way to make a whole article about it.
Veilius -- Of course they're becoming regulars! That way, if ideas fail me, I can just dip into my reserve of running gags and make something out of that! No! I still seem to have the ! disease! Oh, well! And there's a little more Ringwraith action with the last of my muses arriving!
Taiga -- You ask about the daily updates? You have discovered our vital secret. We cannot allow you to leave alive...
Phil: Never mind him, he's being silly. Don't worry, a lot of the staff is still here, but there were some fewer, so the update took longer. At least, that's what Yoshimi says. I think he was just lazy.
Yoshimi: You have discovered another vital secret! We cannot allow you to leave alive...
Phil: You said that already.
Yoshimi: Oh, well.
Akachi -- Hooray! I know I must be a good author; I got threatened with bodily harm to update, and I didn't even leave you on a cliffhanger! *ducks flaming mallet* Oh, and Jenna? You may be able to kill your author, anyway. One of mine tries...well, read on to find out.
Plague-of-Penguin -- Oh, no! I thought I had gotten rid of the Angry Reviewers! Now I find out they're just getting reinforcements! I'm in the process of making it longer here.
Griffinkhan -- Yes, there are many people angry with me. That's one of the perks of being an author! ^_^ Sheba, you aren't getting any space because I haven't met you in the game yet. Those of The Lost Age will probably be getting a back seat until The Lost Age part of Weyard Weekly. Also, to satisfy you, I put something in early. About Babi's ship...Maybe, since it was stolen by Babi, the Lemurians took it back, and sent them home in a leaky rowboat. I can see it now...Garet trying to evaporate the water in the boat and setting it on fire. Isaac heroically saving Mia, and then finding out that the water was knee deep. That sort of thing. And, don't hurt me, Sheba!
Margaret -- Thank you! I knew about the unique part, but I wasn't so sure about clever...
&&&
Yoshimi: Do the disclaimer, Charlie, while I barricade the door. *grabs table*
Ringwraiths, besides Charlie: *pick up various pieces of furniture and follow Yoshimi to the door*
[Baka me! I forgot most of the disclaimer!]
Charlie: The Disclaimer -- Yoshimi doesn't own Golden Sun, Ringwraiths, newspapers, environmentalists, water supplies, oases, *bleep* *bleep* or *bleep*, Maxor, Azu, trains of monks, radioactive green stuff, toxic waste, Master Hammet's treasure (I wish!), Agony Aunts, Dora, Hostage in Tolbi, water sports, holiday cruises, open-air exercise, drummers, fun for the whole family, exotic wildlife, or Master Hammet's vacation.
***
Environmentalists Complain About Water SuppliesLAMA TEMPLE- Today, environmentalists came to Lama Temple in order to complain about dirtied water supplies.
"The animals of the desert come to drink from these waters, as well as merchants," an environmentalist claimed. "You Lama Temple people gave four travellers something to allow them to find these oases and told them to bathe there. They would jump in, fully clothed, and let all of the dirt seep into these water supplies."
The Lama Temple monks refused to comment, but a train of monks from Fuchin Temple said, "Not more *bleep*ing environmentalists! You *bleep*ing *bleep*s are everywhere! *bleep* you all!"
Thanks to the joint work of Maxor and Azu in uncovering this story.
Toxic Waste in Kalay TunnelsKALAY- Today, four people complained about toxic waste in Kalay Tunnels.
"There appears to be some kind of radioactive green stuff!" one complained.
Lady Layana didn't mention about their complaint, but she asked why they were in Kalay Tunnels. "That's where my husband keeps all his treasure!"
The complainers disappeared before answering charges.
Agony Aunt: Auntie DoraDear Auntie Dora,
So, here we are in Kalay. Master Hama helped us find the oases while Feizhi, who also decided to come with some golden ring charm, fought off the monsters with her Chi. Oh, yes, a Lama Temple monk came too. He's originally from Fuchin Temple. He asked us to ask you, "Why did you *bleep*in' tell Master Hama to go across that *bleep*in' desert! It's *bleep*ing hot there! I'm here because the monks had decided that Master Hama shouldn't go alone, and the *bleep*ing cheaters *bleep*ed the *bleep*ing results in the casting of those *bleep*ing lots!" No offence intended, we're sure. Master Hama told us to thank you for telling her to follow her brother. We've got a small problem, though. In order to follow Mia, who's gone across on a boat to Tolbi, we aren't sure how to get across the Karagol Sea. It's got a lot of monsters and there aren't going to be any more boats going across until the monsters go away. Any suggestions?
From, Love Stricken from Bilibin, Love Stricken from Imil, Also Love Stricken from Imil, Unsure from Lama Temple, Kung Fu Fighter from Xian, and A *bleep*in' Monk from Lama Temple
Dear Group,
As the Agony Aunt column writer for Weyard Weekly, I have a few connections. I'll pull a few strings and see what I can do. Good luck, guys! You're my best correspondents, so be careful!
--Auntie Dora
Dear Auntie Dora,
Why hasn't Weyard Weekly published anything about me? There's a lot of political intrigue going on over here in Tolbi, so get those reporters moving!
From, Hostage in Tolbi, from Lalivero, originally from who-knows-where.
Dear Hostage in Tolbi, etc.
The owner of Weyard Weekly is in the middle of rooting through the newspaper staff, because some seem to be bribed by Babi. When the owner fires them, we should be getting news from Tolbi.
--Auntie Dora
ClassifiedHOLIDAY CRUISE- Come to Kalay Docks or Tolbi Docks to get an offer of a lifetime! Prices are slashed! Water sports, lots of open-air exercise, with a famous drummer as musical entertainment! See the exotic wildlife! Fun for the whole family!
ANNOUNCEMENT- Notice to all Kalay citizens. Lady Layana reports that Master Hammet's vacation will be a little longer than expected. This was planned. It's the truth. Really.
***
Yoshimi: *shoving chair against door* There. That should do it.
Witch King of Angmar, Lord of the Nazûls, Grand Sisboomba of Mordor, Big Boss of the Black Riders, blah blah blah-blah blah: *climbs through window*
Yoshimi: Oops.
WKA, LN, GSM, BBBR, BBB-BB: I want my Nazgûls back!
Yoshimi: Well, you aren't getting any!
Joe: *in next room* Fwee!
Phil: *same place* Help!
Richard: *ditto* Stay away! Stay away!
WKA, LN, etc.: *dramatically* You will give me my Nazgûls back!
Yoshimi: *timidly* Can't we discuss this civilly?
Phil + Richard: *run into room, slamming door shut behind them*
WKA, LN, you get the picture: *stabs Yoshimi in shoulder*
Yoshimi: Eep and ow!
Richard: *picks up discarded knife and does Aragorn impression* You have been stabbed by a Morgul Blade.
Morgul Blade: *melts*
Yoshimi: -_-o Thanks for the information. I'll remember that when I die!
WKA, LN: Now to finish you off! *lifts sword* *pauses*
Joe: *through door* Fwee! Fwee! Fwee! *runs into door*
Door: *breaks off hinges*
Joe: *still running* Fwee! Fwee fwee! *leaves a trail of empty Pixie Stix*
WKA, LN, GSM, BBBR, BBB-BB: Argh!
Joe + door: *run into WKA, LN* *continues running*WKA, LN, etc.: *gets pushed along, out the door, down the road* You haven't heard the last of me!
Joe: Fwee-fwee-fwee-fwee-fwee-fwee-fwee-fwee-fwee-fwee-fwee-fwee-fwee-fwee-fwee-fwee-fwee-fweeeeeeeeeee! *fades into the distance*
Ringwraiths: *sweatdrop*
Yoshimi: All, right, then. Wilhelmina, Richard, Tom, Harry, we're off to Rivendell!
Wilhelmina, Richard, Tom, + Harry: Why us?
Phil + Charlie: *at the same time* Why not us?
Bob: *at the same time as above two* ...Violets are blue...
Yoshimi: Charlie and Phil, I need you to post in my absence. Bob, you're too annoying. Wilhelmina, I need you to get us a plane, and I need Richard, Tom, and Harry to carry me and help Wilhelmina fend off orcs, airport security guards, etc., on the way to Rivendell. So, if there are no complaints, then we can be off to Rivendell before I turn into a wraith.
Bob: Are you sure you don't want to be a wraith?
Yoshimi: *glares* Stick to poetry.
Bob: ^_^ Oky-doky!
Yoshimi: Remember to review while I'm gone!
Tom + Harry: *grab Yoshimi and leave*
Joe, door, WKA, LN: *in English Channel*
WKA, LN: Blurb.
Joe: ^_^ FWEE! *still running*