INT. MYERS HOUSE, JUST MOMENTS LATER: Every horror movie villain is in attendance to watch each other get killed off by Michael Myers. Hannibal Lecter is the host of this once-in-a-lifetime event.
HANNIBAL: Good evening, horror killers.
(Complete silence. The Halloween theme plays in the background.)
HANNIBAL (cont'd): My name is Dr. Hannibal Lecter. We are all gathered here to witness Michael Myers, who has recently been revealed to be a Mercurian named Socrates, hack the holy hell out of each and every one of you. We also have his two closest living relatives whom he still needs to kill off in order to safely return to Mercury. LET THE GAMES BEGIN!!
(The bell rings. A purple smoke fills the air, then clears to reveal Michael Myers. Everybody gasps, then disappears into thin air.)
INT. CAR: The unconscious Dr. Loomis wakes up with blood on her neck. She notices that Agent X has been killed.
LOOMIS: Shit!.....HE just killed Agent X....
X: Relax, Dr. Loomis! I'm not dead....and that thing that nearly killed both of us was NOT Michael Myers......
LOOMIS: It wasn't....?!
X: It was Jason Voorhees....
LOOMIS: Voorhees....? Shit!....We need to find Michael Myers as soon as possible.....
(Loomis and Agent X jump out of the car and run into the Myers House.)
INT. MYERS HOUSE, KITCHEN: The Halloween theme plays in the background. Michael Myers is standing face to face with Freddy Krueger.
FREDDY (Raising his razor-sharp fingernails): I haven't sliced anybody up since Jason and I went into the ring! You are a cheap rip-off of Jason, Michael Myers!!
(Michael gets out HIS knife and writes down that HE came years before Jason.)
FREDDY (cont'd): Oh, I had no idea!...I still think you suck. (waving his fingers around) Wanna piece of me, Myers??!!! HAHHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!
(Michael Myers takes HIS knife and plunges it into Freddy's heart. Freddy lay dead on the ground with Michael's knife in his heart. Michael takes HIS knife out and walks away.)
INT. MYERS HOUSE, BATHROOM: Michael Myers notices somebody taking a shower. He opens up the curtain to find...Norman Bates (Played by Alan Alda)!
NORMAN; Mother!!!!.....I knew you would come sooner or later, Myers!..What took you so long?...Huh?!....
(No response.)
NORMAN: Ohhh, so you won't speak to me, eh? Well, what if I plunge my knife into your heart?..Huh?!...
(No response. Michael takes his knife and slices Norman's head off. The bloody water goes down the drain, a la Psycho.)
MYERS HOUSE, BEDROOM: Michael Myers runs into Judith's bedroom to find none other than.....Chucky!
CHUCKY: Why do you have to kill off the villains who actually talk first?? Why not start with Jason?...
(No response.)
CHUCKY: Your movies suck, Michael! You're not scary anymore....Halloween 5 was bad enough, now you're doing crap where you're revealed to be an alien??? Come on, even the Thorn thing was better than that!! Heh heh!
(Michael Myers is outraged, grabs Chucky, and throws him off the balcony. Chucky lay dead on the grass outside. Michael decides to take a shower. Five minutes later, the music stops. Suddenly, a very famous John Williams score plays in the background in a camera angle from under the water. A POV is swimming towards the surface and wants to eat Michael Myers. The music grows louder and louder as the killer is revealed to be......)
HANNIBAL: Good evening, horror killers.
(Complete silence. The Halloween theme plays in the background.)
HANNIBAL (cont'd): My name is Dr. Hannibal Lecter. We are all gathered here to witness Michael Myers, who has recently been revealed to be a Mercurian named Socrates, hack the holy hell out of each and every one of you. We also have his two closest living relatives whom he still needs to kill off in order to safely return to Mercury. LET THE GAMES BEGIN!!
(The bell rings. A purple smoke fills the air, then clears to reveal Michael Myers. Everybody gasps, then disappears into thin air.)
INT. CAR: The unconscious Dr. Loomis wakes up with blood on her neck. She notices that Agent X has been killed.
LOOMIS: Shit!.....HE just killed Agent X....
X: Relax, Dr. Loomis! I'm not dead....and that thing that nearly killed both of us was NOT Michael Myers......
LOOMIS: It wasn't....?!
X: It was Jason Voorhees....
LOOMIS: Voorhees....? Shit!....We need to find Michael Myers as soon as possible.....
(Loomis and Agent X jump out of the car and run into the Myers House.)
INT. MYERS HOUSE, KITCHEN: The Halloween theme plays in the background. Michael Myers is standing face to face with Freddy Krueger.
FREDDY (Raising his razor-sharp fingernails): I haven't sliced anybody up since Jason and I went into the ring! You are a cheap rip-off of Jason, Michael Myers!!
(Michael gets out HIS knife and writes down that HE came years before Jason.)
FREDDY (cont'd): Oh, I had no idea!...I still think you suck. (waving his fingers around) Wanna piece of me, Myers??!!! HAHHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!
(Michael Myers takes HIS knife and plunges it into Freddy's heart. Freddy lay dead on the ground with Michael's knife in his heart. Michael takes HIS knife out and walks away.)
INT. MYERS HOUSE, BATHROOM: Michael Myers notices somebody taking a shower. He opens up the curtain to find...Norman Bates (Played by Alan Alda)!
NORMAN; Mother!!!!.....I knew you would come sooner or later, Myers!..What took you so long?...Huh?!....
(No response.)
NORMAN: Ohhh, so you won't speak to me, eh? Well, what if I plunge my knife into your heart?..Huh?!...
(No response. Michael takes his knife and slices Norman's head off. The bloody water goes down the drain, a la Psycho.)
MYERS HOUSE, BEDROOM: Michael Myers runs into Judith's bedroom to find none other than.....Chucky!
CHUCKY: Why do you have to kill off the villains who actually talk first?? Why not start with Jason?...
(No response.)
CHUCKY: Your movies suck, Michael! You're not scary anymore....Halloween 5 was bad enough, now you're doing crap where you're revealed to be an alien??? Come on, even the Thorn thing was better than that!! Heh heh!
(Michael Myers is outraged, grabs Chucky, and throws him off the balcony. Chucky lay dead on the grass outside. Michael decides to take a shower. Five minutes later, the music stops. Suddenly, a very famous John Williams score plays in the background in a camera angle from under the water. A POV is swimming towards the surface and wants to eat Michael Myers. The music grows louder and louder as the killer is revealed to be......)