Author's Notes: Alright kiddos, you asked for fluff… here ya go. Read these!
In case it's bugging anyone, the time thing has two functions: to serve as a break between sections and keep things clear when everything happens in one day (like the first two chapters), and on a important level because I want to address in this that people rely too much on time. In these later chapters, the time jumps can span weeks and months, on a daily/real-life level, but on a romantic level, it leaves the couple exactly where the last section left off. Why I'm bothering with this? Well… thank Shakespeare. Sonnet 116, as often read in marriage vows (Love and Marriage…see?) "Love's not time's fool…"
Just a personal issue here, but notice how people judge the "quality" of a relationship based on time? Like "Hey we've been dating for four years" is so much more a stable relationship than people who may be engaged after say four months. Don't buy it! So there you go… Inu thought that time would make what he felt for Kagome go away… silly boy.
The low down: Chapter four of eight… it's half way through people. God this took forever! And… I've acquired the new Harry Potter book… and am taking a nice little vacation down to the Rio Grande Valley for the 4th o' July for some much awaited summer reunion time with my roomie doodles. Remember kids… alcohol and fireworks are bad. Eh hehehe
***
Love and Marriage
Chapter 4
What Might Have Been
Inuyasha walked into his house and made his way up to the bedroom to change from the tuxedo-so much work should never be involved in putting on a suit. He hadn't expected to see his wife sitting on their bed facing the door. She had been waiting for him; for how long he wondered. Her face was red and he was hit with another realization-she had been crying.
***
10:30 PM
"Did you even notice?" she whispered, "When you chased after that woman, did you even think how it would look?"
"I didn't chase after her." He hesitated in approaching her, not really wanting to face the wrath of a crying woman, especially one with every right in her anger. "I'm sorry I left suddenly though." He realized watching her suppressed movements just the injustice he had inflicted upon his wife. He ran from the formal affair, forgetting her standing at his side, and abandoned her in the presence of high society with all the appearance of chasing after another woman. Why was she not killing him again? Oh well, he had enough self preservations instincts not to ask and just accept the situation at face value.
"It's her. I know." Kikyo said bitterly at her confused husband. "Damn it, Inuyasha, you didn't even try to hide it! You practically followed her out of the building. Did you two even bother to take different cabs to wherever you went?"
"Kikyo, what are you talking about?" He said utterly bewildered.
"That girl!" she yelled trembling, and stilled into a horrible silence. "Inuyasha, if you're having an affair, at least have the decency to tell me the truth. I at least deserve your honesty."
Inuyasha dropped his hands to his sides, refusing to meet her gaze. He couldn't stand the thought of looking up to see those tears in her eyes and the streaking blotches staining her ivory cheeks. He detested the searing guilt that coursed through his body, more than a little because he hadn't been able to prevent the offence to her. 'I didn't mean to…' he thought bitterly. Really, why did all of this have to happen to him? He hadn't asked for Kagome to turn back up in his life and he certainly never asked to find her in the first place all those years ago. He never wanted to feel what she caused in him, unless he happened to grow the feelings for Kikyo. He hadn't been unfaithful to her-why so much guilt? What had he done to make him feel so ashamed?
"She's the one, isn't she?" Kikyo said hotly glaring at him with tears still in her bloodshot eyes. "She's the girl."
"What?" He gasped and took a step back. 'How on earth could she have known?' his mind raced. "What would make you think that, Kikyo?"
"Don't!" she screamed. "Don't think I'm a fool Inuyasha. When you looked at her, you were afraid. Don't think I don't know you enough to see something that apparent!"
"Kikyo..." he stammered, "you don't understand."
"Yes, I do." She said, her eyes still burning into him. "When you spoke to her, you had the exact same expression when you first told me of her before our wedding. Don't ever think I will forget that expression, Inuyasha. It still haunts me."
"Kikyo…" he reached to embrace her.
"I've seen it before, and I hated it." She whispered weakly and allowed herself to be pulled into the arms of the man she loved. "At night, sometimes, I thought you looked the same. Do you know how much it hurts? To wonder if in your mind, you are with her when we make love?"
"Kikyo…" he said and held her close to him. "I don't know what to say. I'm sorry, but I don't know what to tell you."
"Just tell me the truth, Inuyasha." She whispered. She lurched back suddenly and covered her mouth, holding in a gagged heaving and paling He gripped on to her shoulders to steady her and looked over her with fearful confusion.
"Kikyo! Are you alright?" He asked fervently.
She breathed in deeply and steadied herself. "I'm fine, Inuyasha."
"No," he shook his head sternly and rattled off his series of concerned questions, "Are you sick? How long have you felt badly? Have you checked it out at all?"
Through the tears and despite her anger, Kikyo smiled. That look in his eye: protective, concerned, honest almost brutally… it was a look she loved dearly. It was a clear look into what was distinctly Inuyasha. She nodded gently. "I asked a colleague to check on it. He didn't find anything, but I asked him to run a blood test just to be sure. It really is nothing, Inuyasha."
He nodded once in approval. She knew him too well to go ahead and ask for further tests before he had a chance to insist. His thought halted, however, as he felt her arms rose to his neck and her fingers slipped through his hair. Kikyo breathed deeply as she embraced her husband, and he allowed his arms to slip down to her waste as he held her close.
"Just tell me, Inuyasha." She whispered against his neck, "Are you in love with her?"
He sighed and let his arms circle around her. "I don't know." He almost breathed the words.
"I was afraid of that." She said just as softly.
"Kikyo… I…" he whispered only to be silenced by a quick and gentle kiss.
"Don't." she murmured as she pulled back ever so slightly. "I don't want to talk about it any more." She kissed him once more and pulled herself into his body, allowing the curves of each other to fit together. "Just let me go on loving you." She whispered and traced down his arm to capture one hand from the small of her back.
She clasped that hand gently and stepped away from him. She didn't take her eyes from his as she walked backwards, leading him along. Inuyasha nodded gently to his wife and gave her small hand a squeeze in reassurance to the silent request for his love, if at least physical love, as he followed her to their bedroom.
12:30 PM
Oh this was too good to be true! Kagome grinned and signed the credit slip. Who had just walked past the shop window, as she was paying for that amazing little black dress she had been fortunate enough to find, than a strolling Miroku and Sango. Oh yes, this was too perfect to pass up. Super-secret matchmaker Kagome grabbed the bagged dress and crept along down the street, making use of every building corner, sidewalk cart, and over-weight pedestrian to keep herself hidden. She tailed them to a quant little sidewalk cafe.
Situation Analysis: Miroku and Sango, strolling down the street on a spring afternoon to a cozy little bistro complete with sappy waiter and phony foreign accent. Romantic atmosphere, sample wines brought immediately to the table, Miroku's hand casually resting on top of Sango's as she blushed prettily.
Conclusion: This was going to be fun.
"Would you like to hear the specials?" Miroku was smiling down at Sango's blushing face as he heard the request over his shoulder.
"I think we may need a little more time to de…. Ah!" He jumped when he found himself face to face with a vehemently smirking young face with blue eyes shining in triumph. Kagome grinned even deeper as Sango's blush went from that pretty pink to almost maroon and she almost fell from her intricately carved chair.
"Kagome!" Miroku found his voice first as he glanced down to his date who was holding herself up with the table to keep from falling from her precarious half seated position. "What a surprise…"
"I bet." She beamed in matchmaking victory. "Hi there, Miroku! It's been a while, but considering I've talked quite a bit with Sango, this really is a big surprise to all of us."
"I…" Sango pulled herself ungracefully back up to a fully seated position, "Kagome… I…"
"Didn't have to go to the dentist today?" her friend grinned. She would remember that "I kind of figured that out."
The busted love birds cast each other an apprehensive glance before Sango looked back up to Kagome who was feigning betrayal and anger.
"Are you angry?" she asked timidly.
Kagome huffed irritably and puffed out her chest to make herself intimidating. It was like old times when she had made Souta do her share of chores by pretending to be furious with him over some little thing he had done. She had figured out that her anger had a terrifying affect on people, likely because it was such a change from her normal demeanor, but all the same was a highly affective way of getting her way. True to norm, Sango's eyes widened at the fury she was acting out, and she couldn't hold the scowl any longer. She launched forward and caught both of them in one armed hugs around their necks and laughed.
"What do you think I was trying to do the entire time we were working?!" she cried out happily and started to laugh. Before long, the pair in her embrace smiled and laughed along with her.
Kagome suddenly stopped laughing and Sango looked up to find a dangerous expression. "Kagome?" she asked quietly, trailing her eyes down her friend's body to discover a very misplaced hand. Soon there were two women sitting with identical fearsome faces and reaching for the nearest salad forks.
Miroku pulled away quickly and pushed his chair what he hopped would be a safe distance and held his hands out to placate the vengeful women. Curse his hands for having a mind of their own! Kagome and Sango exchanged looks and nodded in agreement to whatever they may have said in their secret female language. It seemed to be getting steadily warmer under their stares. He unconsciously leaned back, keeping his hands out of striking distance and trying to make his face completely apologetic and sincere.
"Kagome…" he said quickly, frantically trying to find something to bring this promisingly violent attention away from himself, "I…uh… hear you've become quite the asset to Pack Media… it would seem… um… congratulations… are in… order." With every pause, Kagome was stalking closer and closer to the flustered lawyer and he leaned a little bit further back. As he finished, she was breathing down on him and he was in a precarious position. He was rather annoyed with his traitorous hands for leaving him to face the wrath of two angry women.
'Oh yeah…' he thought as a sadistic little smirk found its way to that sweetly beautiful little face. A quick glance to Sango promised no rescue what-so-ever. 'I'm definitely dead.' He might as well just shut his eyes, take it like a man, and hope she didn't make him cry.
A heartfelt laugh jarred his senses and jerked his eyes open. Kagome was wiping at her eyes in her mirth and Sango was trying to keep her amusement contained behind her hand. Miroku looked from one woman to the other trying to understand just how he was spared from death-some miraculous and divine intervention on his behalf? Perhaps a subtle sign for him to renounce his life thus far and devote himself to the holy calling? No-- he decided it must simply be a testament to one of the great truths of the universe: women were crazy.
"Why are you laughing?" Kagome said in between sniggers shooting a glance at Sango. "Don't tell me you let him get away with that?"
"Get away with what?" Sango gave a practiced look of apathy. "I was going to look for an apartment and this clown invited himself along. He's like a puppy!"
'Right…' Kagome smirked. Women don't get murderous impulses over tag along clowns groping another woman's rear, and all women love puppies. She looked back down to Miroku, still holding himself on the teetering chair while the threatening fork was still firmly in her fist and poised just over his nose. He didn't look like he bought the excuse either.
"My dear Sango, you wound me to the heart!" he gave a school boy's smile and she gave the chair a swift kick.
Miroku groaned from the ground, convincing both women that he had been punished enough for the moment. "So this launch," Sango was smiling again, "I hear you've outdone yourself this time. Some new magazine publication?"
"Yep." Kagome grinned. "I was so excited about the turn out, I bought a new dress to celebrate."
"I'm certainly looking forward to seeing what you've created, Kagome." Miroku said pulling himself back to the table and rubbing his abused head. "I'll make sure my partner is on his best behavior this time.
Kagome winced slightly at the memory, but after all-she and Inuyasha had worked through that, right?
"I'm sure it will be fine." She said with a shrug.
"And…" neither woman liked the smirking little smile Miroku suddenly sported, "I also hear you've accepted to attend with the VP of Relations for Pack Media?"
"Yes… Miroku…" her lips twitched slightly, "I will be going with Kouga."
"I see," he mused. "I didn't think it was just this publication that enticed you to the job with his firm."
"Miroku," she put her hands on her hips, "I hope you're not suggesting that I have acted anything less than professional in dealing with Kouga in this job."
"No no no!" Miroku waved dismissively, "I would never think such a thing. But I would like to ask one question."
"Yes?"
"What's the name of the magazine again?" he grinned.
'Crap…'
"Miroku, it's not my job to know the name of the thing." Kagome smirked confidently down at him.
"Oh no?" he looked confused. "What is then?"
"To make sure every one else knows its name." She winked down at them. "And you're not the one to lecture me about professionalism, sir. I am assuming you two will be showing up together." She grinned at the pair again as Sango's blush managed to creep back to her cheeks.
Kagome giggled softly at the flustered reaction. Sango had this adorable confused expression whenever she was embarrassed or surprised at something either she or Miroku would say. So being the loving, caring friend she was, Kagome decided to do the only suitable thing in the situation-she'd fluster her even more. She cast Sango a smirking grin before crossing her arms across her chest and nodding sharply, as though coming to some long awaited decision.
"Yep… twiterpaited." She said resolutely and ducked to avoid a quickly oncoming blow to the head. She gave one last laugh before snatching the lemon wedge from Sango's glass and popping it in her mouth and shooting the couple a yellow grin. She ran away before Sango could make any smart comments about the welfare of her teeth.
8:00 PM
"Beautiful!" An Armani clad CEO's wife beamed and plucked a sparkling champagne flute from the nearest passing tray.
"Absolutely wonderful!" A gray-haired journalist nodded enthusiastically and smiled with twinkling eyes to the beautiful PR Consultant who was responsible for the event. "Young lady, you are a marvel."
"Thank you, sir." Kagome smiled sweetly. "I was happy for the experience. I had not yet worked in the media fields."
"But if I can help it, she'll be doing it much more often." Kouga spoke proudly at her side.
So far, the evening seemed a perfect success. Kouga was staying close to her side, seemingly bragging in body language that she was his date and proudly daring any man to approach her. Sango and Miroku, as predicted by the omniscient matchmaker, showed up together and were the recipients of many secret smug smiles. The guests were happy, the champagne was sweet, the atmosphere was lovely, and every person who had spoken to her had only praise. No complaints, no rude comments, no one causing any scenes… where was Inuyasha anyway?
"There he is…" Miroku muttered softly, making Sango follow his gaze. Inuyasha, again forced to dress in the hated formality of a tuxedo, had entered with his wife on his arm and was making his way through the initial small talk with business associates. He spotted Miroku, and steadily made his way closer to them, pausing for polite responses to those who spoke to him.
"Inuyasha," Kouga said, his voice suddenly much less cheerful, "You finally made it."
Kagome watched him approach with his wife on his arm-the same beautiful woman she saw at his side many months before. However this time, the woman seemed much less happy to be seeing her in the crowd of business men. Inuyasha seemed even less happy, she couldn't understand why at that moment but felt Kouga's hand come to her shoulder and pull her into him. The scowl deepened on the approaching Inuyasha's face and it all came together.
Kouga holding her against his body, Inuyasha looking like he wanted to rip the man's hand from his wrist, Inuyasha's wife looking increasingly uncomfortable and threatened; Kagome's mind formed one timeless question. 'Why me?'
"I think you've already met Miss Kagome Higurashi." Kouga said coldly, daring Inuyasha to make a rude remark so he would have cause to remove him from the event. He was disappointed when his adversary only nodded in acknowledgement to Kagome, who smiled and did the same. Oh well, he may not be able to throw Inuyasha out in the street, but he couldn't pout too much. He did have the object of his pursuits tucked firmly under his arm.
"I'm so glad you could come tonight." Kagome smiled politely and offered her hand to Kikyo, making it a point to keep her eye contact restricted to her. She kept the cheerfulness in her eyes against Kikyo's considerably colder expression. To others, the chill may have been considered an unmerited rudeness, however, in light of certain events, Kagome could was easily forgiving of the married woman's dislike towards her. She kept her tone respectful and dignified, but didn't back down from the gaze.
'This is fucking insane!' he thought bitterly. 'Does that bastard have to drape his fucking hands all over her?' The pleasant image of himself ripping said appendages from Kouga's body flinted across his mind to ease some of his anger momentarily. It redoubled though as he realized he had no justifiable claim to have such inclinations of violence to the business man.
"Kouga," the gray-haired journalist broke through the increasingly tense silence, "Where did you find this girl, and how are you planning on keeping her from being stolen away?"
"Fate must have just been smiling on me." Kouga smiled charmingly down to her. "To find such a talented and intelligent asset for a company is discovery enough, but to find such a beautiful and engaging treasure to one's personal life as well is almost miraculous."
Inuyasha shot him a cold stare when he saw a pink blush creeping to Kagome's cheeks at his words. He failed to notice that he was glaring at him over Kikyo's head and in plain sight of the blushing Kagome. He did however notice the fright and exasperation coming from the woman of topic.
"I don't plan on her being stolen away easily." He said, "Only the greatest of idiots would ever let her get away when they have their chance." Kouga said smugly.
That was enough. The ever tactful Inuyasha had heard his fill from the Relations VP. He muttered a quick "Excuse me. Thank you." And filtered back through the guests with Kikyo at his side. She made it very clear she had no intention of letting him getting any closer to that Kagome girl than was necessary.
"Inuyasha?" she said softly when they were out of ear shot.
"Yes?" he said hiding his frustration as best he could.
"Why don't we just get out of here." She offered and took his arm in her own. "You always get bored in these things and I don't have any desire to mingle. Miroku is here; let him take care of socializing."
He glanced back to the circle he from which he had retreated, catching his partner's questioning eyes. Miroku was much more of a people person, and in his current mood, he was more likely to breaking any networking ties Miroku managed to form. His glance strayed to Kagome, who was fighting herself not to turn and observe them. That cocky Kouga still practically hung off her--flaunting her.
"I think that's a great idea." He said with conviction.
Kagome knew Miroku watched him and envied the man his position. He could watch Inuyasha's movements discretely, where she would have to crane her head over her shoulder. Miroku's head turned, following Inuyasha back to the entrance and she braved to look in the same direction.
He was leaving already. She watched him put on his coat from across the room, and frowned sadly. She knew the look he had worn at her position beside Kouga as he approached. It definitely wasn't a look a married man was entitled to give. So that was it, then. Any chance that they could at least be in each other's lives on friendly terms had blown away. With that kind of jealousy involved, there was no way they could be near each other, and just the thought made her sad.
There was no place for her in his life.
"Kagome?" Kouga said quietly and took her hand gently. She looked up into his sweetly concerned eyes and gave him a smile. "They want you to make the introduction now. Don't worry." He grinned, "Just go up, be charming and beautiful and say what a wonderful piece of work it is."
"Right." She gave his had a squeeze in return and stepped away from the circle of people towards the podium. She had only gone a few steps before stopping suddenly, turning on her heel, and rushing back to Kouga with a worried expression.
"What?" he asked with concern.
"What's the name of this magazine again?" she whispered earnestly.
A big grin came across his face and he chuckled softly enough for only her to hear. "I thought you knew."
10:00 AM
"Hello?" The buzz for her apartment surprised her from the bathroom and she stood at her intercom with half dried hair and a damp towel.
"Kagome?" a raspy voice called to her and she felt a strong thumping arise in her chest. She mentally chastised her heart for being so jumpy.
"Inuyasha?" she said disbelievingly at the same time her mind was screaming out, 'No no no… he's not outside… he's not Inuyasha… he's not…'
"Yeah." He said and silenced her mind effectively. "Can I come up? I need to talk to you."
"Yes… of course." She stuttered and buzzed him in. She unlocked her front door before making her mad dash around the apartment to get rid of the out of place knick knacks and dump them with her wet towel on her bedroom floor and hide them behind a closed door. Oh yes, living on her own had turned her into a regular Suzy Homemaker.
In a few moments, she heard a gentle knock at her door and she called to him that it was open. She walked quickly back into the living room to greet him, trying to push the damp hair from her eyes. "Hi." She said with a soft smile.
"Hi." He echoed and took her in. She was smiling to him, and a true smile as her eyes pulled up at their corners to give away the sincerity. He took in those eyes, like fog rolling over the ocean in the morning, and her damply curling hair haphazardly tossed away from her face.
"Please sit down." She offered politely. "You can put your jacket anywhere…um… make yourself comfortable."
He moved deftly across the room as she motioned him to her couch, and noticed she was fidgeting with her hands in front of her and kept having trouble looking up into his face.
"Can… I get you anything?" she said to break the still quiet and he grinned slightly as her fingers came to the collar of her shirt, "Coffee… or something?"
He shook his head softly and muttered an incomprehensible 'no thanks.'
She cautiously sat at the other end of the couch, close enough to seem casual and polite, but still keeping a healthy distance between them. "I noticed you left very early last night." She said. "Were you feeling alright?"
A sneer appeared momentarily as he said, "Certain guests there made my stomach turn a bit." He caught her eyes with the bluntness of the comment and his face softened. "I'm fine now, though…"
She whipped her head to the side and hugged herself, startling him and leaving him wondering what he had done to make her so unhappy all of a sudden. He didn't get the chance to ask.
"You can't do this, Inuyasha." She whispered with her hair falling from behind her shoulder and curtaining her face. "You're not allowed to be jealous."
"I was not…" he started his protest, loudly, but was cut off.
"Don't even try!" she yelled and glared at him, finding the courage to look him in the eye was much easier to find if she was angry. "I saw the way you were acting, and don't you dare treat me as if I'm stupid."
It didn't seem like there was any safe response to this, so he wisely opted to stay quiet and still until she had calmed herself out of this tirade.
"It's not fair, Inuyasha." She said with emotion. "You can't be jealous when I am with another man. You're the one who is married. It's not fair to anyone involved!"
"I'm not jealous!" his resolve snapped and he growled at her. "Look! You're the one who said we were friends damn it! I'm just saying that guy is an idiot and I'm trying to help you out! You don't have to be ungrateful about it. I'm sorry I said anything at all now." He crossed his arms over his chest and looked away angrily.
Kagome almost wanted to hit him for his pouting but fought to keep her irritation under control. Getting in a shouting match wasn't going to be a good way to handle this, but it sure would have been a relief at that moment.
"So do you like him?" the blunt comment made her want to twitch.
She sighed reminding herself once more that there was no way she would win if she tried arguing with him for this little display of hypocrisy. "I like him just fine." She admitted and tried to ignore the sour expression that he shot. "I just have reason to believe he's a lot more serious that I want to think about." He didn't need to know just how serious, she decided. That would not do well, considering how he was pouting at the moment. 'Right… you don't' care, huh?' She mentally taunted him.
The fact that he was alone… in her apartment… appreciating how she looked with her hair a mess and curling about her face… did not make him comfortable with discussing the propriety of their current situation of a relationship.
"Do… you want to go somewhere?" he offered. Perhaps a more public setting would strengthen the realm of platonicy for them. "Walk around… talk about this… maybe get dinner later… you know, as friends?"
"I can't." she smiled and shook her head. "I promised Sango I would help her with the apartment search and she's going to cook dinner for us later to celebrate my new...."
"Celebrate?" he crooked an eyebrow. "Your new what?"
"Kouga…." She looked uneasy, "offered me a job with his company… and a much higher salary." That was all he needed to know right now. 'That's not the half of it, though.' She thought uneasily. In the nightstand by her bed, there was a little felt box and a little diamond ring that was waiting on an answer she didn't have at the moment. The man moved quickly, to say the least.
Inuyasha didn't need to know anything about her personal life, and she was glad he didn't look like he was about to ask more about the subject of Kouga. He still seemed too thoughtful for her liking, though, and she almost wished he would speak again so she didn't have to find a way to break the uncomfortable silence.
"What…." He softly complied to her desire, "what do you think… would have happened?"
"When?" she whispered back, not completely aware that she was leaning closer to hear his voice.
"If things had been different," he said at the same volume, "what do you think would have happened?"
"If I hadn't left, you mean?" She asked.
He gave a slight nod. "Or if you had, if I had gone out looking for you-if I hadn't gotten married, what would have happened?"
"I don't know." Kagome breathed, not thinking that they were only inches away from each others faces. She had asked herself the same question many times and now was searching his eyes for the answer that had so long eluded her. "We probably would have killed each other…" She decided. "We'd get so aggravated with each other's stubbornness, we would have driven each other crazy."
"We drive each other crazy now." He nodded.
"Right," she said, "so we would have just lasted probably a little over a month and realize we had completely screwed up each other's lives and regret it for the rest of ours and…" she trailed off. They both were silent for a few moments wondering if they really believed all that they had just reasoned. Above all, they had to be rational and honest with the situation. They had to be adults and think responsibly. They had to lie to themselves.
"Either that…" She whispered, never one to keep a lie up for long, "or we'd be working on our fourth kid by now."
Words failed him at the thought that seemed the greatest truth he could have asked for. What if it had happened differently? What adventures would they have had together? Maybe they would have traveled the world with only each other's presence to keep them sustained. Maybe they would have settled in some little town off in the country and spent every night watching the sun set wrapped in a blanket and each other's arms. How long until they had a family? Would they have her eyes? It all might have been wonderful.
"That's the thing with 'might-have-beens,' I guess." She whispered. "We'll just never get to find out. There's no use holding on…to.. something that can never be." She choked through the last words, quickly losing the composure in her voice.
"Right…" he said. "I know you're right."
"Is… that what you wanted to talk about?" she looked up at him from behind her bangs to see him give her a nod.
"And," he took his hand inside his pant pocket, "I wanted to give something to you."
"Oh no," she waved her hands in front of her, "No, that's not necessary. I wouldn't feel right… taking a gift from you."
"It's not like that." He said softly and captured one of her hands, slapping something in her palm and holding it steady between his larger hands. Looking steadily into her eyes, he said, "I'm returning it… something I borrowed."
He pulled one of his hands away, but kept hold of her with the other, and his eyes stayed fixed on her face as she looked down and see what he had given. Kagome's eyes opened wide and glittered with moisture as she caught the pale violet glimmer as her fingers opened.
"I should have given it back a long time ago." He stroked a thumb across her wrist. "I guess I just wanted to hold on to it a little while longer."
"Inuyasha" she whispered, but didn't move his hand away. She closed her fingers around the gem to make sure it was solid and really there. She had given it up as lost so long ago and the thought had broken her heart, but suddenly here it shows up for her once again. Kagome thought she would cry-her shikon jewel.
"I thought this was lost forever." She said in a shaky voice.
"Not lost," he said, "just with a different protector."
"As long as I held on to that jewel," he continued, "I was holding on to you and your stupid idea about that 'perfect' love you talked about. I carried it around with me for a long time… even that night at the launch… was in my pocket the whole time, but I just wasn't ready to give it up then."
He was not aware of the memories the gentle stroking of his fingers was bringing to the woman in front of him. The feel of those fingers, so strong and so gentle to her skin, tracing patterns that lingered where he touched her, the sensation brought shivers through her body remembering older patterns left by those same hands. Along her sides, down her back, across her stomach, over her breasts, her thighs, her calves, her arms, her neck: all were screaming in dull memory of an old touch, begging to be reminded. It had been so long, but her body remembered his touch.
"It was something unconditional, I guess. It always calmed me." He said and smiled at the surprised look she gave him.
"Unconditional?" she whispered.
"Yeah," he nodded, "a reminder of something constant. That somewhere there was a girl who leaves the lights on in every room she goes in, who leaves the water on her bathroom counter without thinking, who is so stubborn that she'll walk around a city at night alone, but for all of that was always on my mind. Even all those little things that always annoyed the crap out of me," he smiled and placed his hand on hers holding the jewel, "they all made me smile."
Her body caught fire and every cell of her being was screaming as his fingers glazed over her hand. He was so close; one little step forward would put her in his arms. She had seen hunger in a man's eyes enough times to recognize the sensuous fire staring down into her own. 'Please go away.' She tried to make her voice speak, but her body was betraying her. Her body wanted to remember his fingers that it would betray her mind. The mind had no place in dealing with passion. By all means, it seemed a justifiable mutiny for her body to deny her wishes to send him away.
'Please go away.' Her mind tried again, 'I can't do this, but I don't think I can stop it… I don't think I want to.'
He gave her hand one last gentle squeeze, closing her fingers around the jewel once more, and letting it go. "But you're right. I can't think about what might have been if I'm going to keep the promise I made a long time ago."
2:00 PM
"Good bye," Kikyo smiled to the little girl clutching her mother's hand. "You be good, sweetie." She looked up to the mother and smiled gently. "Just give her that medication every morning and she'll be fine. If her fever goes up again, call the offices."
The mother thanked her and walked with her daughter down the hospital corridors. Kikyo smiled at the pair. It had only been a mild fever, a common bug that had been going around among school children lately and many anxious mothers had rushed their babies to her care thinking it some new strain of malaria. She had always found the mommy-coddling very cute. She picked glanced at her schedule for her next appointment and headed off down the corridor.
"Hey Kikyo!" she turned to see a young intern coming to her. "Doc has your test results." He winked to her.
Her breath caught in her throat and she gave the young man a questioning glance. She knew by now that interns were hopelessly curious and no doubt every one working as lab analysts knew her results already.
"And?" she said quickly. "It's nothing right?"
"Oh, it's something." He said mischievously.
"What?"
"Congratulations, Mommy." He said with a grin.
5:00 PM
"He came here?!" Sango cried and almost burned the noodles she was working with on the stove.
"Um hmmm" Kagome kept her attention on chopping the onions without that stupid teary side effect of the blasted vegetables.
"Why on earth?!" Sango was dumbfounded.
"He just wanted to talk… you know… about acting so strangely last night around Kouga." Onions had to be the most horrible food on the planet to prepare. She wondered who first considered eating a plant that made you cry when you cut it. Shouldn't that have been some sort of deterrent?
"Why should he care?" Sango still hadn't forgiven Inuyasha for the last scene he caused when meeting Kagome at a launch.
"I… uh…" she fingered at a necklace as she stammered, "I think he may have been jealous."
"Jealous?" Sango huffed incredulously. "Of all the nerve… so he's a two-timing jerk as well as a rude jerk. What right does a married man have to be jealous and why would he come to your home to push it further?"
"It wasn't just that…" she said and tugged lightly against the necklace, fingering a violet ball in her hands.
"What else?" She asked softly, watching Kagome roll the gem around in her palm and try go cut at the slices with the other hand. "And what are you playing with?"
Kagome opened her hand and showed Sango the small violet sphere hanging from her necklace. She recognized the jewel from hearing Kagome tell her how she lost a very precious necklace many years ago. "It's the Shikon jewel from my father." Kagome smiled.
"You found it!" Sango cried out. "Oh, Kagome, I'm so happy for you! Where was it?"
Kagome realized she didn't have an answer for that question. Sango knew she had lost the jewel years ago. She also knew that several years in her past, there was a one night stand with a man that she hadn't seen since; a man that she had run from the next morning in fear and shame. It wouldn't take too long to put the peices together.
"Kagome?" Sango said gently. Kagome's mood had changed drastically in response to a simple question. Why? What would have caused her to be unsure and afraid so suddenly? She had found something precious to her that she thought was lost forever. Could it be just because Inuyasha's visit had upset her more than she was letting on? It didn't seem right, but it was one clue.
"Are you alright?" she asked. "Did Inuyasha do something?"
"No…" Kagome nervously played with the jewel again and tried to focus on her cooking again.
"Why did he come if not just to talk about Kouga?" she persisted and noticed how Kagome tensed. She had this nagging doubt in her mind, but it had to be just some over zealous conclusion. There was no possible way… but still… "Where did you find the jewel?" She asked.
"Inuyasha… had it." Kagome whispered almost too softly to be heard.
Sango's mind went racing. If Kagome lost this thing years ago to Inuyasha's possession, that launch was not the first time the two had met and his behavior possibly could be attributed to something other than an innate ability to be a jerk… possibly. Ok, so there was a history, so perhaps there was some cause to him acting with jealousy to Kouga, but Kagome never mentioned a relationship other than…Oh no!
"Kagome…" Sango said looking suddenly very serious, "he wasn't the man, was he?"
Kagome dropped the knife she had been using to cut an onion and began to cry harder than the vegetable should have induced her. Sango had her answer and rushed to her side.
"Why did he have to be here?" Kagome cried into her friends shoulder as Sango gently rubbed her back, at a complete loss for any other form of comfort.
"It's okay…" she mumbled and pressed her cheek to Kagome's head. "It's okay, Kagome. It was a long time ago." She was quickly running out of reassurances as the tears soaked through her shirt. "And once he was married, you haven't done anything wrong. You made him leave, Kagome! It was the right thing to do. You don't have to feel ashamed."
"Yes I do, Sango." She pulled back and looked into her eyes with a fear that Sango did not understand. Kagome was afraid to tell her-afraid she would judge. She embraced her a little tighter to try to show it would never be so. "I've done something horrible."
"What is it?" Sango asked behind the lump in her throat.
"I fell in love with him."
10:00 PM
Inuyasha shut the door quietly behind him and walked quickly up the stairs to his bedroom. He brushed his fingers through his tangled hair absently, making a mental not that salt air does not make that an easy task. How many hours had he sat at that bridge, looking out over the harbor to the west? The stars were out long before he left to walk home. He hadn't much care about the several mile walk.
Maybe he had been waiting for her, hoping she would come to that spot where he found her before, but of course, he knew she wouldn't.
"Inuyasha," Kikyo's voice came from behind and whispered in his ear.
He turned to her and was surprised as she pressed herself against him and kissed him gently. "I have something to tell you." She whispered in a sultry voice.
***
Oh, the hardest thing I've ever had to do
Is holding her, and loving you
***
Next Chapter: Rock-A-Bye
In case it's bugging anyone, the time thing has two functions: to serve as a break between sections and keep things clear when everything happens in one day (like the first two chapters), and on a important level because I want to address in this that people rely too much on time. In these later chapters, the time jumps can span weeks and months, on a daily/real-life level, but on a romantic level, it leaves the couple exactly where the last section left off. Why I'm bothering with this? Well… thank Shakespeare. Sonnet 116, as often read in marriage vows (Love and Marriage…see?) "Love's not time's fool…"
Just a personal issue here, but notice how people judge the "quality" of a relationship based on time? Like "Hey we've been dating for four years" is so much more a stable relationship than people who may be engaged after say four months. Don't buy it! So there you go… Inu thought that time would make what he felt for Kagome go away… silly boy.
The low down: Chapter four of eight… it's half way through people. God this took forever! And… I've acquired the new Harry Potter book… and am taking a nice little vacation down to the Rio Grande Valley for the 4th o' July for some much awaited summer reunion time with my roomie doodles. Remember kids… alcohol and fireworks are bad. Eh hehehe
***
Love and Marriage
Chapter 4
What Might Have Been
Inuyasha walked into his house and made his way up to the bedroom to change from the tuxedo-so much work should never be involved in putting on a suit. He hadn't expected to see his wife sitting on their bed facing the door. She had been waiting for him; for how long he wondered. Her face was red and he was hit with another realization-she had been crying.
***
10:30 PM
"Did you even notice?" she whispered, "When you chased after that woman, did you even think how it would look?"
"I didn't chase after her." He hesitated in approaching her, not really wanting to face the wrath of a crying woman, especially one with every right in her anger. "I'm sorry I left suddenly though." He realized watching her suppressed movements just the injustice he had inflicted upon his wife. He ran from the formal affair, forgetting her standing at his side, and abandoned her in the presence of high society with all the appearance of chasing after another woman. Why was she not killing him again? Oh well, he had enough self preservations instincts not to ask and just accept the situation at face value.
"It's her. I know." Kikyo said bitterly at her confused husband. "Damn it, Inuyasha, you didn't even try to hide it! You practically followed her out of the building. Did you two even bother to take different cabs to wherever you went?"
"Kikyo, what are you talking about?" He said utterly bewildered.
"That girl!" she yelled trembling, and stilled into a horrible silence. "Inuyasha, if you're having an affair, at least have the decency to tell me the truth. I at least deserve your honesty."
Inuyasha dropped his hands to his sides, refusing to meet her gaze. He couldn't stand the thought of looking up to see those tears in her eyes and the streaking blotches staining her ivory cheeks. He detested the searing guilt that coursed through his body, more than a little because he hadn't been able to prevent the offence to her. 'I didn't mean to…' he thought bitterly. Really, why did all of this have to happen to him? He hadn't asked for Kagome to turn back up in his life and he certainly never asked to find her in the first place all those years ago. He never wanted to feel what she caused in him, unless he happened to grow the feelings for Kikyo. He hadn't been unfaithful to her-why so much guilt? What had he done to make him feel so ashamed?
"She's the one, isn't she?" Kikyo said hotly glaring at him with tears still in her bloodshot eyes. "She's the girl."
"What?" He gasped and took a step back. 'How on earth could she have known?' his mind raced. "What would make you think that, Kikyo?"
"Don't!" she screamed. "Don't think I'm a fool Inuyasha. When you looked at her, you were afraid. Don't think I don't know you enough to see something that apparent!"
"Kikyo..." he stammered, "you don't understand."
"Yes, I do." She said, her eyes still burning into him. "When you spoke to her, you had the exact same expression when you first told me of her before our wedding. Don't ever think I will forget that expression, Inuyasha. It still haunts me."
"Kikyo…" he reached to embrace her.
"I've seen it before, and I hated it." She whispered weakly and allowed herself to be pulled into the arms of the man she loved. "At night, sometimes, I thought you looked the same. Do you know how much it hurts? To wonder if in your mind, you are with her when we make love?"
"Kikyo…" he said and held her close to him. "I don't know what to say. I'm sorry, but I don't know what to tell you."
"Just tell me the truth, Inuyasha." She whispered. She lurched back suddenly and covered her mouth, holding in a gagged heaving and paling He gripped on to her shoulders to steady her and looked over her with fearful confusion.
"Kikyo! Are you alright?" He asked fervently.
She breathed in deeply and steadied herself. "I'm fine, Inuyasha."
"No," he shook his head sternly and rattled off his series of concerned questions, "Are you sick? How long have you felt badly? Have you checked it out at all?"
Through the tears and despite her anger, Kikyo smiled. That look in his eye: protective, concerned, honest almost brutally… it was a look she loved dearly. It was a clear look into what was distinctly Inuyasha. She nodded gently. "I asked a colleague to check on it. He didn't find anything, but I asked him to run a blood test just to be sure. It really is nothing, Inuyasha."
He nodded once in approval. She knew him too well to go ahead and ask for further tests before he had a chance to insist. His thought halted, however, as he felt her arms rose to his neck and her fingers slipped through his hair. Kikyo breathed deeply as she embraced her husband, and he allowed his arms to slip down to her waste as he held her close.
"Just tell me, Inuyasha." She whispered against his neck, "Are you in love with her?"
He sighed and let his arms circle around her. "I don't know." He almost breathed the words.
"I was afraid of that." She said just as softly.
"Kikyo… I…" he whispered only to be silenced by a quick and gentle kiss.
"Don't." she murmured as she pulled back ever so slightly. "I don't want to talk about it any more." She kissed him once more and pulled herself into his body, allowing the curves of each other to fit together. "Just let me go on loving you." She whispered and traced down his arm to capture one hand from the small of her back.
She clasped that hand gently and stepped away from him. She didn't take her eyes from his as she walked backwards, leading him along. Inuyasha nodded gently to his wife and gave her small hand a squeeze in reassurance to the silent request for his love, if at least physical love, as he followed her to their bedroom.
12:30 PM
Oh this was too good to be true! Kagome grinned and signed the credit slip. Who had just walked past the shop window, as she was paying for that amazing little black dress she had been fortunate enough to find, than a strolling Miroku and Sango. Oh yes, this was too perfect to pass up. Super-secret matchmaker Kagome grabbed the bagged dress and crept along down the street, making use of every building corner, sidewalk cart, and over-weight pedestrian to keep herself hidden. She tailed them to a quant little sidewalk cafe.
Situation Analysis: Miroku and Sango, strolling down the street on a spring afternoon to a cozy little bistro complete with sappy waiter and phony foreign accent. Romantic atmosphere, sample wines brought immediately to the table, Miroku's hand casually resting on top of Sango's as she blushed prettily.
Conclusion: This was going to be fun.
"Would you like to hear the specials?" Miroku was smiling down at Sango's blushing face as he heard the request over his shoulder.
"I think we may need a little more time to de…. Ah!" He jumped when he found himself face to face with a vehemently smirking young face with blue eyes shining in triumph. Kagome grinned even deeper as Sango's blush went from that pretty pink to almost maroon and she almost fell from her intricately carved chair.
"Kagome!" Miroku found his voice first as he glanced down to his date who was holding herself up with the table to keep from falling from her precarious half seated position. "What a surprise…"
"I bet." She beamed in matchmaking victory. "Hi there, Miroku! It's been a while, but considering I've talked quite a bit with Sango, this really is a big surprise to all of us."
"I…" Sango pulled herself ungracefully back up to a fully seated position, "Kagome… I…"
"Didn't have to go to the dentist today?" her friend grinned. She would remember that "I kind of figured that out."
The busted love birds cast each other an apprehensive glance before Sango looked back up to Kagome who was feigning betrayal and anger.
"Are you angry?" she asked timidly.
Kagome huffed irritably and puffed out her chest to make herself intimidating. It was like old times when she had made Souta do her share of chores by pretending to be furious with him over some little thing he had done. She had figured out that her anger had a terrifying affect on people, likely because it was such a change from her normal demeanor, but all the same was a highly affective way of getting her way. True to norm, Sango's eyes widened at the fury she was acting out, and she couldn't hold the scowl any longer. She launched forward and caught both of them in one armed hugs around their necks and laughed.
"What do you think I was trying to do the entire time we were working?!" she cried out happily and started to laugh. Before long, the pair in her embrace smiled and laughed along with her.
Kagome suddenly stopped laughing and Sango looked up to find a dangerous expression. "Kagome?" she asked quietly, trailing her eyes down her friend's body to discover a very misplaced hand. Soon there were two women sitting with identical fearsome faces and reaching for the nearest salad forks.
Miroku pulled away quickly and pushed his chair what he hopped would be a safe distance and held his hands out to placate the vengeful women. Curse his hands for having a mind of their own! Kagome and Sango exchanged looks and nodded in agreement to whatever they may have said in their secret female language. It seemed to be getting steadily warmer under their stares. He unconsciously leaned back, keeping his hands out of striking distance and trying to make his face completely apologetic and sincere.
"Kagome…" he said quickly, frantically trying to find something to bring this promisingly violent attention away from himself, "I…uh… hear you've become quite the asset to Pack Media… it would seem… um… congratulations… are in… order." With every pause, Kagome was stalking closer and closer to the flustered lawyer and he leaned a little bit further back. As he finished, she was breathing down on him and he was in a precarious position. He was rather annoyed with his traitorous hands for leaving him to face the wrath of two angry women.
'Oh yeah…' he thought as a sadistic little smirk found its way to that sweetly beautiful little face. A quick glance to Sango promised no rescue what-so-ever. 'I'm definitely dead.' He might as well just shut his eyes, take it like a man, and hope she didn't make him cry.
A heartfelt laugh jarred his senses and jerked his eyes open. Kagome was wiping at her eyes in her mirth and Sango was trying to keep her amusement contained behind her hand. Miroku looked from one woman to the other trying to understand just how he was spared from death-some miraculous and divine intervention on his behalf? Perhaps a subtle sign for him to renounce his life thus far and devote himself to the holy calling? No-- he decided it must simply be a testament to one of the great truths of the universe: women were crazy.
"Why are you laughing?" Kagome said in between sniggers shooting a glance at Sango. "Don't tell me you let him get away with that?"
"Get away with what?" Sango gave a practiced look of apathy. "I was going to look for an apartment and this clown invited himself along. He's like a puppy!"
'Right…' Kagome smirked. Women don't get murderous impulses over tag along clowns groping another woman's rear, and all women love puppies. She looked back down to Miroku, still holding himself on the teetering chair while the threatening fork was still firmly in her fist and poised just over his nose. He didn't look like he bought the excuse either.
"My dear Sango, you wound me to the heart!" he gave a school boy's smile and she gave the chair a swift kick.
Miroku groaned from the ground, convincing both women that he had been punished enough for the moment. "So this launch," Sango was smiling again, "I hear you've outdone yourself this time. Some new magazine publication?"
"Yep." Kagome grinned. "I was so excited about the turn out, I bought a new dress to celebrate."
"I'm certainly looking forward to seeing what you've created, Kagome." Miroku said pulling himself back to the table and rubbing his abused head. "I'll make sure my partner is on his best behavior this time.
Kagome winced slightly at the memory, but after all-she and Inuyasha had worked through that, right?
"I'm sure it will be fine." She said with a shrug.
"And…" neither woman liked the smirking little smile Miroku suddenly sported, "I also hear you've accepted to attend with the VP of Relations for Pack Media?"
"Yes… Miroku…" her lips twitched slightly, "I will be going with Kouga."
"I see," he mused. "I didn't think it was just this publication that enticed you to the job with his firm."
"Miroku," she put her hands on her hips, "I hope you're not suggesting that I have acted anything less than professional in dealing with Kouga in this job."
"No no no!" Miroku waved dismissively, "I would never think such a thing. But I would like to ask one question."
"Yes?"
"What's the name of the magazine again?" he grinned.
'Crap…'
"Miroku, it's not my job to know the name of the thing." Kagome smirked confidently down at him.
"Oh no?" he looked confused. "What is then?"
"To make sure every one else knows its name." She winked down at them. "And you're not the one to lecture me about professionalism, sir. I am assuming you two will be showing up together." She grinned at the pair again as Sango's blush managed to creep back to her cheeks.
Kagome giggled softly at the flustered reaction. Sango had this adorable confused expression whenever she was embarrassed or surprised at something either she or Miroku would say. So being the loving, caring friend she was, Kagome decided to do the only suitable thing in the situation-she'd fluster her even more. She cast Sango a smirking grin before crossing her arms across her chest and nodding sharply, as though coming to some long awaited decision.
"Yep… twiterpaited." She said resolutely and ducked to avoid a quickly oncoming blow to the head. She gave one last laugh before snatching the lemon wedge from Sango's glass and popping it in her mouth and shooting the couple a yellow grin. She ran away before Sango could make any smart comments about the welfare of her teeth.
8:00 PM
"Beautiful!" An Armani clad CEO's wife beamed and plucked a sparkling champagne flute from the nearest passing tray.
"Absolutely wonderful!" A gray-haired journalist nodded enthusiastically and smiled with twinkling eyes to the beautiful PR Consultant who was responsible for the event. "Young lady, you are a marvel."
"Thank you, sir." Kagome smiled sweetly. "I was happy for the experience. I had not yet worked in the media fields."
"But if I can help it, she'll be doing it much more often." Kouga spoke proudly at her side.
So far, the evening seemed a perfect success. Kouga was staying close to her side, seemingly bragging in body language that she was his date and proudly daring any man to approach her. Sango and Miroku, as predicted by the omniscient matchmaker, showed up together and were the recipients of many secret smug smiles. The guests were happy, the champagne was sweet, the atmosphere was lovely, and every person who had spoken to her had only praise. No complaints, no rude comments, no one causing any scenes… where was Inuyasha anyway?
"There he is…" Miroku muttered softly, making Sango follow his gaze. Inuyasha, again forced to dress in the hated formality of a tuxedo, had entered with his wife on his arm and was making his way through the initial small talk with business associates. He spotted Miroku, and steadily made his way closer to them, pausing for polite responses to those who spoke to him.
"Inuyasha," Kouga said, his voice suddenly much less cheerful, "You finally made it."
Kagome watched him approach with his wife on his arm-the same beautiful woman she saw at his side many months before. However this time, the woman seemed much less happy to be seeing her in the crowd of business men. Inuyasha seemed even less happy, she couldn't understand why at that moment but felt Kouga's hand come to her shoulder and pull her into him. The scowl deepened on the approaching Inuyasha's face and it all came together.
Kouga holding her against his body, Inuyasha looking like he wanted to rip the man's hand from his wrist, Inuyasha's wife looking increasingly uncomfortable and threatened; Kagome's mind formed one timeless question. 'Why me?'
"I think you've already met Miss Kagome Higurashi." Kouga said coldly, daring Inuyasha to make a rude remark so he would have cause to remove him from the event. He was disappointed when his adversary only nodded in acknowledgement to Kagome, who smiled and did the same. Oh well, he may not be able to throw Inuyasha out in the street, but he couldn't pout too much. He did have the object of his pursuits tucked firmly under his arm.
"I'm so glad you could come tonight." Kagome smiled politely and offered her hand to Kikyo, making it a point to keep her eye contact restricted to her. She kept the cheerfulness in her eyes against Kikyo's considerably colder expression. To others, the chill may have been considered an unmerited rudeness, however, in light of certain events, Kagome could was easily forgiving of the married woman's dislike towards her. She kept her tone respectful and dignified, but didn't back down from the gaze.
'This is fucking insane!' he thought bitterly. 'Does that bastard have to drape his fucking hands all over her?' The pleasant image of himself ripping said appendages from Kouga's body flinted across his mind to ease some of his anger momentarily. It redoubled though as he realized he had no justifiable claim to have such inclinations of violence to the business man.
"Kouga," the gray-haired journalist broke through the increasingly tense silence, "Where did you find this girl, and how are you planning on keeping her from being stolen away?"
"Fate must have just been smiling on me." Kouga smiled charmingly down to her. "To find such a talented and intelligent asset for a company is discovery enough, but to find such a beautiful and engaging treasure to one's personal life as well is almost miraculous."
Inuyasha shot him a cold stare when he saw a pink blush creeping to Kagome's cheeks at his words. He failed to notice that he was glaring at him over Kikyo's head and in plain sight of the blushing Kagome. He did however notice the fright and exasperation coming from the woman of topic.
"I don't plan on her being stolen away easily." He said, "Only the greatest of idiots would ever let her get away when they have their chance." Kouga said smugly.
That was enough. The ever tactful Inuyasha had heard his fill from the Relations VP. He muttered a quick "Excuse me. Thank you." And filtered back through the guests with Kikyo at his side. She made it very clear she had no intention of letting him getting any closer to that Kagome girl than was necessary.
"Inuyasha?" she said softly when they were out of ear shot.
"Yes?" he said hiding his frustration as best he could.
"Why don't we just get out of here." She offered and took his arm in her own. "You always get bored in these things and I don't have any desire to mingle. Miroku is here; let him take care of socializing."
He glanced back to the circle he from which he had retreated, catching his partner's questioning eyes. Miroku was much more of a people person, and in his current mood, he was more likely to breaking any networking ties Miroku managed to form. His glance strayed to Kagome, who was fighting herself not to turn and observe them. That cocky Kouga still practically hung off her--flaunting her.
"I think that's a great idea." He said with conviction.
Kagome knew Miroku watched him and envied the man his position. He could watch Inuyasha's movements discretely, where she would have to crane her head over her shoulder. Miroku's head turned, following Inuyasha back to the entrance and she braved to look in the same direction.
He was leaving already. She watched him put on his coat from across the room, and frowned sadly. She knew the look he had worn at her position beside Kouga as he approached. It definitely wasn't a look a married man was entitled to give. So that was it, then. Any chance that they could at least be in each other's lives on friendly terms had blown away. With that kind of jealousy involved, there was no way they could be near each other, and just the thought made her sad.
There was no place for her in his life.
"Kagome?" Kouga said quietly and took her hand gently. She looked up into his sweetly concerned eyes and gave him a smile. "They want you to make the introduction now. Don't worry." He grinned, "Just go up, be charming and beautiful and say what a wonderful piece of work it is."
"Right." She gave his had a squeeze in return and stepped away from the circle of people towards the podium. She had only gone a few steps before stopping suddenly, turning on her heel, and rushing back to Kouga with a worried expression.
"What?" he asked with concern.
"What's the name of this magazine again?" she whispered earnestly.
A big grin came across his face and he chuckled softly enough for only her to hear. "I thought you knew."
10:00 AM
"Hello?" The buzz for her apartment surprised her from the bathroom and she stood at her intercom with half dried hair and a damp towel.
"Kagome?" a raspy voice called to her and she felt a strong thumping arise in her chest. She mentally chastised her heart for being so jumpy.
"Inuyasha?" she said disbelievingly at the same time her mind was screaming out, 'No no no… he's not outside… he's not Inuyasha… he's not…'
"Yeah." He said and silenced her mind effectively. "Can I come up? I need to talk to you."
"Yes… of course." She stuttered and buzzed him in. She unlocked her front door before making her mad dash around the apartment to get rid of the out of place knick knacks and dump them with her wet towel on her bedroom floor and hide them behind a closed door. Oh yes, living on her own had turned her into a regular Suzy Homemaker.
In a few moments, she heard a gentle knock at her door and she called to him that it was open. She walked quickly back into the living room to greet him, trying to push the damp hair from her eyes. "Hi." She said with a soft smile.
"Hi." He echoed and took her in. She was smiling to him, and a true smile as her eyes pulled up at their corners to give away the sincerity. He took in those eyes, like fog rolling over the ocean in the morning, and her damply curling hair haphazardly tossed away from her face.
"Please sit down." She offered politely. "You can put your jacket anywhere…um… make yourself comfortable."
He moved deftly across the room as she motioned him to her couch, and noticed she was fidgeting with her hands in front of her and kept having trouble looking up into his face.
"Can… I get you anything?" she said to break the still quiet and he grinned slightly as her fingers came to the collar of her shirt, "Coffee… or something?"
He shook his head softly and muttered an incomprehensible 'no thanks.'
She cautiously sat at the other end of the couch, close enough to seem casual and polite, but still keeping a healthy distance between them. "I noticed you left very early last night." She said. "Were you feeling alright?"
A sneer appeared momentarily as he said, "Certain guests there made my stomach turn a bit." He caught her eyes with the bluntness of the comment and his face softened. "I'm fine now, though…"
She whipped her head to the side and hugged herself, startling him and leaving him wondering what he had done to make her so unhappy all of a sudden. He didn't get the chance to ask.
"You can't do this, Inuyasha." She whispered with her hair falling from behind her shoulder and curtaining her face. "You're not allowed to be jealous."
"I was not…" he started his protest, loudly, but was cut off.
"Don't even try!" she yelled and glared at him, finding the courage to look him in the eye was much easier to find if she was angry. "I saw the way you were acting, and don't you dare treat me as if I'm stupid."
It didn't seem like there was any safe response to this, so he wisely opted to stay quiet and still until she had calmed herself out of this tirade.
"It's not fair, Inuyasha." She said with emotion. "You can't be jealous when I am with another man. You're the one who is married. It's not fair to anyone involved!"
"I'm not jealous!" his resolve snapped and he growled at her. "Look! You're the one who said we were friends damn it! I'm just saying that guy is an idiot and I'm trying to help you out! You don't have to be ungrateful about it. I'm sorry I said anything at all now." He crossed his arms over his chest and looked away angrily.
Kagome almost wanted to hit him for his pouting but fought to keep her irritation under control. Getting in a shouting match wasn't going to be a good way to handle this, but it sure would have been a relief at that moment.
"So do you like him?" the blunt comment made her want to twitch.
She sighed reminding herself once more that there was no way she would win if she tried arguing with him for this little display of hypocrisy. "I like him just fine." She admitted and tried to ignore the sour expression that he shot. "I just have reason to believe he's a lot more serious that I want to think about." He didn't need to know just how serious, she decided. That would not do well, considering how he was pouting at the moment. 'Right… you don't' care, huh?' She mentally taunted him.
The fact that he was alone… in her apartment… appreciating how she looked with her hair a mess and curling about her face… did not make him comfortable with discussing the propriety of their current situation of a relationship.
"Do… you want to go somewhere?" he offered. Perhaps a more public setting would strengthen the realm of platonicy for them. "Walk around… talk about this… maybe get dinner later… you know, as friends?"
"I can't." she smiled and shook her head. "I promised Sango I would help her with the apartment search and she's going to cook dinner for us later to celebrate my new...."
"Celebrate?" he crooked an eyebrow. "Your new what?"
"Kouga…." She looked uneasy, "offered me a job with his company… and a much higher salary." That was all he needed to know right now. 'That's not the half of it, though.' She thought uneasily. In the nightstand by her bed, there was a little felt box and a little diamond ring that was waiting on an answer she didn't have at the moment. The man moved quickly, to say the least.
Inuyasha didn't need to know anything about her personal life, and she was glad he didn't look like he was about to ask more about the subject of Kouga. He still seemed too thoughtful for her liking, though, and she almost wished he would speak again so she didn't have to find a way to break the uncomfortable silence.
"What…." He softly complied to her desire, "what do you think… would have happened?"
"When?" she whispered back, not completely aware that she was leaning closer to hear his voice.
"If things had been different," he said at the same volume, "what do you think would have happened?"
"If I hadn't left, you mean?" She asked.
He gave a slight nod. "Or if you had, if I had gone out looking for you-if I hadn't gotten married, what would have happened?"
"I don't know." Kagome breathed, not thinking that they were only inches away from each others faces. She had asked herself the same question many times and now was searching his eyes for the answer that had so long eluded her. "We probably would have killed each other…" She decided. "We'd get so aggravated with each other's stubbornness, we would have driven each other crazy."
"We drive each other crazy now." He nodded.
"Right," she said, "so we would have just lasted probably a little over a month and realize we had completely screwed up each other's lives and regret it for the rest of ours and…" she trailed off. They both were silent for a few moments wondering if they really believed all that they had just reasoned. Above all, they had to be rational and honest with the situation. They had to be adults and think responsibly. They had to lie to themselves.
"Either that…" She whispered, never one to keep a lie up for long, "or we'd be working on our fourth kid by now."
Words failed him at the thought that seemed the greatest truth he could have asked for. What if it had happened differently? What adventures would they have had together? Maybe they would have traveled the world with only each other's presence to keep them sustained. Maybe they would have settled in some little town off in the country and spent every night watching the sun set wrapped in a blanket and each other's arms. How long until they had a family? Would they have her eyes? It all might have been wonderful.
"That's the thing with 'might-have-beens,' I guess." She whispered. "We'll just never get to find out. There's no use holding on…to.. something that can never be." She choked through the last words, quickly losing the composure in her voice.
"Right…" he said. "I know you're right."
"Is… that what you wanted to talk about?" she looked up at him from behind her bangs to see him give her a nod.
"And," he took his hand inside his pant pocket, "I wanted to give something to you."
"Oh no," she waved her hands in front of her, "No, that's not necessary. I wouldn't feel right… taking a gift from you."
"It's not like that." He said softly and captured one of her hands, slapping something in her palm and holding it steady between his larger hands. Looking steadily into her eyes, he said, "I'm returning it… something I borrowed."
He pulled one of his hands away, but kept hold of her with the other, and his eyes stayed fixed on her face as she looked down and see what he had given. Kagome's eyes opened wide and glittered with moisture as she caught the pale violet glimmer as her fingers opened.
"I should have given it back a long time ago." He stroked a thumb across her wrist. "I guess I just wanted to hold on to it a little while longer."
"Inuyasha" she whispered, but didn't move his hand away. She closed her fingers around the gem to make sure it was solid and really there. She had given it up as lost so long ago and the thought had broken her heart, but suddenly here it shows up for her once again. Kagome thought she would cry-her shikon jewel.
"I thought this was lost forever." She said in a shaky voice.
"Not lost," he said, "just with a different protector."
"As long as I held on to that jewel," he continued, "I was holding on to you and your stupid idea about that 'perfect' love you talked about. I carried it around with me for a long time… even that night at the launch… was in my pocket the whole time, but I just wasn't ready to give it up then."
He was not aware of the memories the gentle stroking of his fingers was bringing to the woman in front of him. The feel of those fingers, so strong and so gentle to her skin, tracing patterns that lingered where he touched her, the sensation brought shivers through her body remembering older patterns left by those same hands. Along her sides, down her back, across her stomach, over her breasts, her thighs, her calves, her arms, her neck: all were screaming in dull memory of an old touch, begging to be reminded. It had been so long, but her body remembered his touch.
"It was something unconditional, I guess. It always calmed me." He said and smiled at the surprised look she gave him.
"Unconditional?" she whispered.
"Yeah," he nodded, "a reminder of something constant. That somewhere there was a girl who leaves the lights on in every room she goes in, who leaves the water on her bathroom counter without thinking, who is so stubborn that she'll walk around a city at night alone, but for all of that was always on my mind. Even all those little things that always annoyed the crap out of me," he smiled and placed his hand on hers holding the jewel, "they all made me smile."
Her body caught fire and every cell of her being was screaming as his fingers glazed over her hand. He was so close; one little step forward would put her in his arms. She had seen hunger in a man's eyes enough times to recognize the sensuous fire staring down into her own. 'Please go away.' She tried to make her voice speak, but her body was betraying her. Her body wanted to remember his fingers that it would betray her mind. The mind had no place in dealing with passion. By all means, it seemed a justifiable mutiny for her body to deny her wishes to send him away.
'Please go away.' Her mind tried again, 'I can't do this, but I don't think I can stop it… I don't think I want to.'
He gave her hand one last gentle squeeze, closing her fingers around the jewel once more, and letting it go. "But you're right. I can't think about what might have been if I'm going to keep the promise I made a long time ago."
2:00 PM
"Good bye," Kikyo smiled to the little girl clutching her mother's hand. "You be good, sweetie." She looked up to the mother and smiled gently. "Just give her that medication every morning and she'll be fine. If her fever goes up again, call the offices."
The mother thanked her and walked with her daughter down the hospital corridors. Kikyo smiled at the pair. It had only been a mild fever, a common bug that had been going around among school children lately and many anxious mothers had rushed their babies to her care thinking it some new strain of malaria. She had always found the mommy-coddling very cute. She picked glanced at her schedule for her next appointment and headed off down the corridor.
"Hey Kikyo!" she turned to see a young intern coming to her. "Doc has your test results." He winked to her.
Her breath caught in her throat and she gave the young man a questioning glance. She knew by now that interns were hopelessly curious and no doubt every one working as lab analysts knew her results already.
"And?" she said quickly. "It's nothing right?"
"Oh, it's something." He said mischievously.
"What?"
"Congratulations, Mommy." He said with a grin.
5:00 PM
"He came here?!" Sango cried and almost burned the noodles she was working with on the stove.
"Um hmmm" Kagome kept her attention on chopping the onions without that stupid teary side effect of the blasted vegetables.
"Why on earth?!" Sango was dumbfounded.
"He just wanted to talk… you know… about acting so strangely last night around Kouga." Onions had to be the most horrible food on the planet to prepare. She wondered who first considered eating a plant that made you cry when you cut it. Shouldn't that have been some sort of deterrent?
"Why should he care?" Sango still hadn't forgiven Inuyasha for the last scene he caused when meeting Kagome at a launch.
"I… uh…" she fingered at a necklace as she stammered, "I think he may have been jealous."
"Jealous?" Sango huffed incredulously. "Of all the nerve… so he's a two-timing jerk as well as a rude jerk. What right does a married man have to be jealous and why would he come to your home to push it further?"
"It wasn't just that…" she said and tugged lightly against the necklace, fingering a violet ball in her hands.
"What else?" She asked softly, watching Kagome roll the gem around in her palm and try go cut at the slices with the other hand. "And what are you playing with?"
Kagome opened her hand and showed Sango the small violet sphere hanging from her necklace. She recognized the jewel from hearing Kagome tell her how she lost a very precious necklace many years ago. "It's the Shikon jewel from my father." Kagome smiled.
"You found it!" Sango cried out. "Oh, Kagome, I'm so happy for you! Where was it?"
Kagome realized she didn't have an answer for that question. Sango knew she had lost the jewel years ago. She also knew that several years in her past, there was a one night stand with a man that she hadn't seen since; a man that she had run from the next morning in fear and shame. It wouldn't take too long to put the peices together.
"Kagome?" Sango said gently. Kagome's mood had changed drastically in response to a simple question. Why? What would have caused her to be unsure and afraid so suddenly? She had found something precious to her that she thought was lost forever. Could it be just because Inuyasha's visit had upset her more than she was letting on? It didn't seem right, but it was one clue.
"Are you alright?" she asked. "Did Inuyasha do something?"
"No…" Kagome nervously played with the jewel again and tried to focus on her cooking again.
"Why did he come if not just to talk about Kouga?" she persisted and noticed how Kagome tensed. She had this nagging doubt in her mind, but it had to be just some over zealous conclusion. There was no possible way… but still… "Where did you find the jewel?" She asked.
"Inuyasha… had it." Kagome whispered almost too softly to be heard.
Sango's mind went racing. If Kagome lost this thing years ago to Inuyasha's possession, that launch was not the first time the two had met and his behavior possibly could be attributed to something other than an innate ability to be a jerk… possibly. Ok, so there was a history, so perhaps there was some cause to him acting with jealousy to Kouga, but Kagome never mentioned a relationship other than…Oh no!
"Kagome…" Sango said looking suddenly very serious, "he wasn't the man, was he?"
Kagome dropped the knife she had been using to cut an onion and began to cry harder than the vegetable should have induced her. Sango had her answer and rushed to her side.
"Why did he have to be here?" Kagome cried into her friends shoulder as Sango gently rubbed her back, at a complete loss for any other form of comfort.
"It's okay…" she mumbled and pressed her cheek to Kagome's head. "It's okay, Kagome. It was a long time ago." She was quickly running out of reassurances as the tears soaked through her shirt. "And once he was married, you haven't done anything wrong. You made him leave, Kagome! It was the right thing to do. You don't have to feel ashamed."
"Yes I do, Sango." She pulled back and looked into her eyes with a fear that Sango did not understand. Kagome was afraid to tell her-afraid she would judge. She embraced her a little tighter to try to show it would never be so. "I've done something horrible."
"What is it?" Sango asked behind the lump in her throat.
"I fell in love with him."
10:00 PM
Inuyasha shut the door quietly behind him and walked quickly up the stairs to his bedroom. He brushed his fingers through his tangled hair absently, making a mental not that salt air does not make that an easy task. How many hours had he sat at that bridge, looking out over the harbor to the west? The stars were out long before he left to walk home. He hadn't much care about the several mile walk.
Maybe he had been waiting for her, hoping she would come to that spot where he found her before, but of course, he knew she wouldn't.
"Inuyasha," Kikyo's voice came from behind and whispered in his ear.
He turned to her and was surprised as she pressed herself against him and kissed him gently. "I have something to tell you." She whispered in a sultry voice.
Oh, the hardest thing I've ever had to do
Is holding her, and loving you
***