A/N: All right! Be prepared to feel at least partial shock and try not to hate me for what I've done! * cowers * In a way… * looks at Beta Reader * can I say it?? It helps Lily and James' relationship…

There!

Flames will be used to light my fire. Hahaha. Rock on. (from my Beta Reader)

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Christmas Break was in four days. Four tedious, agonizingly slow days had to pass before students were let off. The list was passed around the school to see who was staying and who was going home.

"Lily, are you staying?" Sierra asked as they sat at dinner together.

"Of course! I wouldn't be caught dead spending Christmas with my family!" Lily said with a look of distaste on her face.

"Oh right, temporary brain lapse," Sierra said with an apologetic smile on her face. "I'm going home for Christmas. Jaden and I are going to spend some time at my aunt's."

"I was hoping you'd stay!" Lily protested.

"Isn't Misty staying?"

"Going to France for Christmas," Lily said enviously.

"Arabella?"

"Going home to her mother, father and brother."

"Sabrina?"

"Off with her boyfriend somewhere!"

"That's really awful! You'll be here by yourself?" Sierra asked.

"Well Potter will be here but – ugh! I'm not looking forward to that!" Lily said sullenly. She suddenly felt that Christmas Break would feel very, very hostile.

"This is perfect! You get time to patch things up!" Sierra said cheerfully.

"You're off your bloody rocker," Lily snorted.

"No I'm not! I'm totally serious! Christmas is a very romantic time," Sierra said with an over exaggerated wink and a sharp elbow jab.

Lily wrinkled her nose in disgust. "Potter and romance should never be in the same sentence."

"You're bloody impossible," Sierra said, throwing up her hands.

"No, I just hate Potter!" Lily said happily.

"I'm going to go pack, you coming up?" Sierra asked.

"Yeah," Lily replied halfheartedly.

The Hogwarts grounds had been layered with early snow that left a chill all around the school; being in Potions was hell. But Lily didn't care at all: Christmas time was her favorite time of the year. She loved the fact that she felt she was living out a childhood fantasy by spending Christmas in an old-fashioned castle. What I wouldn't give for a boyfriend around these times to sit on a couch by the fire with and look at the snow falling outside, she thought wistfully.

"Come on Lily, before you space out too much!" Sierra said laughingly, dragging Lily up the stairs into the girl's dorm.

"Sorry, it's just – I love Christmas," Lily admitted guiltily.

"Who doesn't?" Sierra asked. She went over to the vanity mirror the fourth year girls shared and gathered up all of her earrings, necklaces, bracelets and rings to put them into a small wooden box. She tossed it over her shoulder and it landed with a thud on top of the previously packed robes and other clothing items.

"Nice skills," Lily said with a laugh.

"Thanks," Sierra said and packed in all of the rest of her makeup. A thought seemed to suddenly occur to her. She gave Lily a meaningful look and placed the bulging bag of makeup back onto the table.

"What?" Lily asked.

Sierra smiled secretly. "Oh, nothing."

"You honestly think something's going to happen between me and Potter?" Lily asked exasperatedly.

"Oh, I don't think right now but… eventually, yeah, I do," Sierra said lightly.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Nothing has happened, nothing is happening and nothing will ever happen!"

"I doubt that," Sierra said calmly.

"Why do you doubt that?" Lily inquired.

"I'm a firm believer in fate and how things are somehow all meant to fit together somehow," Sierra said seriously. "And I do think that you and James are fated to be together."

"What makes you think that?" Lily asked, suddenly curious.

"Because! It was chance, serendipity, you should hate each other… in a way," Sierra floundered for her words and finally gave up with a sigh. "It's hard to explain," she said apologetically.

"No, I think I get it," Lily said slowly. "We're meant to be together because despite the fact we hate each other we're always stuck together for everything?"

"Hmm… maybe the fates are giving you a sign," Sierra said mysteriously, "of things to come."

"Oh, shut up!" Lily exclaimed, throwing her a pillow.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Four excruciating days later, Lily was seeing all of her friends off with James, Sirius, and Remus.

"Now, Sirius and Remus, you're sure you want to leave me here alone with Evans?" James asked pleadingly.

Sirius and Remus looked at one another, grinning. "Oh, we wouldn't give it a second thought!"

"Argh! You are impossible," James said reproachfully but smiling all the same.

"Yeah, I can't believe you all are deserting us! We have to be alone! We'll be dead in a few days!" Lily exclaimed exaggeratedly.

"Have fun, kids!" The girls and boys chorused teasingly as they all boarded the train. They positively glowed with anticipation for the holidays. Except Jaden, Lily noted, who looked rather less sinister than usual. His face had taken on a hunted, anxious look. But with someone as…weird…as Jaden, who knew why he did anything?

"Goodbye! Goodbye!" Lily and James yelled to their friends, waving as Sirius stuck his head out the window.

"You lovebirds be careful now!" Remus called from the window. A roar of laughter was heard behind him.

"Oh, we will!" James said cheerily, putting his arm around Lily in a joking manner. Lily looked disgusted and shoved him off, but not before she got a good whiff of his cologne. He must shower in the stuff, she thought sourly. It did smell good, though.

The Hogwarts Express pulled out of the station slowly but it seemed only seconds before the scarlet train was gone, snaking off into the distance.

Lily and James stood there, not looking at one another.

"It's bloody cold, I'm going in," Lily announced and started to walk towards the castle.

"Wait up! I'm walking with you," James said hastily.

Lily looked back and raised one of her eyebrows, but didn't say anything.

"So, why didn't James Potter go home?" she said after a while. "Afraid he'd have to be smothered by loving parents?"  Lily made a mental note to put a bit less bitterness into that next time.

"James Potter finds it to be none of Lily Evans's stupid business why he didn't go home," James replied, annoyed.

"Lily Evans just wanted to see what would happen if she pressed one of James Potter's buttons," Lily said sweetly.

"Whatever, Princess," James answered. He couldn't help grinning at her response, which was to give him a very menacing, very evil glare.

"Watch it, Potter," she said warningly.

"Just wondering what would happen if I pressed your buttons," James said mockingly, speaking softly into her ear.

She pretended she didn't hear him but felt chills run up her spine again when she felt his hot (and slightly minty) breath on her neck.

"Yeah, well, don't expect to hang around me the whole time," she said uneasily.

"Why in the world would I want to do that?" James asked innocently.

Lily shrugged. "Just don't. The only thing we ever accomplish is insulting each other."

"That doesn't mean we can't hang out," James said in his still blasé, innocent voice.

Lily snorted as she started walking up the steps with James right by her side, causing several people staying at Hogwarts to gape in shock at them.

"People are staring," Lily continued self-consciously as they walked back through Hogwarts. Professor McGonagall, who was carrying a stack of books, looked quite startled as they walked past and ran right into a wall.

"People always stare," James said, rolling his eyes.

"Look, it's flattering… in a non-flattering sort of way, that you're going to get down off that damned high pedestal you've put yourself on to come talk to lowly Lily Evans but I really could live without you right now," Lily said flatly.

James pretended to look injured. "I'm hurt by your tone, Lilykins."

Lily threw up her hands and pretended to see someone. She tried to run from him but he grabbed one of her wrists. She whirled around, her eyes flashing. "What is your deal?"

"All," he said with a sincere smile, "I want is to make amends."

"Fucking liar," Lily snarled wrenching away from his grip, "you're just talking to me because your friends aren't here to see you groveling."

James' smile quickly disappeared. "That's not true!"

Lily smirked. "Then stop trying to be nice to me."

"All right, I'll stop," James said walking off towards Gryffindor.

"Where're you going?" Lily asked.

James turned around. "Come on Evans, can't we at least pretend to be civil?"

"You didn't answer my question," Lily said crossing her arms over her chest.

"I'm going down to the Quidditch field. I need to practice," James said.

"Ugh. Look, hanging around with you is NOT how I want to spend my Christmas vacation," Lily said with disgust.

"Look I'm not asking you to marry me, all I want to do is… be on friendly terms for the holidays," James said awkwardly.

Lily weighed her options. On one hand, there was the option of having a perfectly wonderful non – James Potter Christmas and on the other, she could have a companion to spend time with on Christmas… even if it was James Potter. His figure was already halfway back to the doors when she made up her mind.

"James, wait up!" Lily called to him.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"You're a bloody showoff!" Lily shouted to him although a wide smile was spread across her face. Her words were muffled by the falling snow but that didn't stop James from doing another high loop on his broom.

James flew up to the high stands where Lily was standing trying to catch snowflakes on her tongue. "Don't you think that's a bit childish?" he asked, floating about lazily in the air.

Lily shook her head, her head still tilted up and her tongue rolled out as far as it would go. "I love doing this!"

James took off his thick woolen red-and-gold knit gloves (from his mother) and gave them to Lily. She snapped her head down and took them in shock.

"You need them more than I do," James shrugged, nodding towards her red hands.

"Come on, you don't just give girls your possessions to wear," Lily said skeptically.

"Yes, I do," James answered, looking at her like she was crazy.

"Ok, I guess you do, but why me?" Lily asked.

James shrugged, taking his hands off the broom and resting them on the stands. "Lily, why do you hate me?"

Lily looked taken aback. "I – I… don't know? Why?"

James sighed and hopped off his broom into the stands. Because I want to know!"

Lily knew right at that moment she shouldn't have followed him out to the Quidditch field. She was falling into a trap, or something. She should've listened to Sierra when she mentioned being at Hogwarts at Christmas time would be romantic. Oh, God, it was all there: the snow, the gloves, and the peculiar glint James had in his eyes…

"We don't hate each other," Lily said with a laugh, trying to lighten the mood.

James snorted. "Yes we do."

"There's no reason, ok? Some things were just – meant to be," Lily said uneasily.

"We were friends in the beginning," James reasoned.

"Well things have changed," she replied in clipped tones..

"Why can't we be friends?" James asked. He gave her an innocent look that would've made several girls around him giggle and blush, had they been there. He took her hands and it was a good thing Lily had finally decided to put on the gloves or she would've felt that all-too familiar chill run up her spine.

Lily seemed temporarily lost for words. "I – we – um…"

"Lily?" James pressed.

"We can't because – Jesus Christ, we can't!" Lily said dumbly, not being able to connect her thoughts.

James looked troubled. "But we were such good friends…"

"Well, you know why we aren't? Because of your stupid pigheadedness!" Lily exclaimed. Thankfully, she was beginning to form coherent sentences again.

"My stupid pigheadedness? How about you, walking around like you own the fucking world?" James said angrily.

"It takes one to know one!" Lily retorted. She wasn't quite sure what that meant, but she heard it on a movie once and always wanted to say it.

"Whatever that means," James scoffed. He let go of her hands, and she was surprised to find the feeling was missed. Which made her even angrier. She tore off his gloves and threw them down, stepping on one for good measure, before spinning on one heel and stalking away to the stairs. 

"I told you I didn't want to hang around with you and I meant it!" she shouted at him, stomping down the stairs towards the field.

"Like I wanted you to tag along with me anyway!" James ran to the stairwell to call after her.

She flicked him off over her shoulder.

"NICE! REAL NICE! WHAT WOULD THE FIRST YEARS THINK?" James hollered.

"Fuck you, Potter!" Lily screamed. She had reached the field and was running across it. She felt the urge to be as far away as possible, as fast as she could.

"The first years wouldn't want to fuck me, though! I don't even think they know what the word means!" James yelled and finally lost sight of the redhead.

Lily wiped away tears of anger and frustration and she tramped through the snow. The snowflakes created miniature pinpricks of cold on her heated face.

Stupid Lily, she berated herself, walking into a trap set by James. You're almost as bad as those bimbos he calls 'girlfriends.'

Why did he have to make it so bleeding hard? Couldn't he just leave her alone and never bother her?

"I hate you, James Potter," she spat.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

James sat alone in the Common Room, reading a book by the fire. Few Gryffindors had decided to stay. The only ones in the room at the time were a couple of giggly first years that kept looking at James and a cluster of sullen, surly-looking fifth years.

"Well, well, well. If it isn't James Potter, reading a book," Lily said mockingly, standing behind him.

"If it isn't Lily Evans, come to spoil my Christmas break," James said nonchalantly. He flipped a page in his book with exquisite care, making a show of not looking up.

Lily sat down on the couch next to him, resting her arms on her knees. The first years looked at Lily with jealousy.

"Look, I'm sorry about… back there – "

"No need to apologize," James said bitterly.

"Oh, stop being such a stubborn ass!" Lily said loudly.

"Not a very nice example you're setting for the first years," James scolded her.

"Ooh, bite me," Lily said acidly.

"You know you shouldn't treat James Potter like that, he's a very nice boy!" One of the first years said in a high-pitched voice.

Lily burst out laughing. "Oh, you poor child! You've been severely misinformed!"

James whacked her in the shoulder with his book.

"Immature idiot," Lily said rolling her eyes, whacking him back with her arm. "And I'm leaving before you go completely insane."

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

It was late, around 11:30 PM, when James knocked on her door. Lily was curled up on her bed, reading a Muggle book called "A Tale of Two Cities." It was one of her favorites and had just read the opening line ("It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…") when he knocked again.

Lily, embarrassed that she was only wearing a nightgown, threw on her dressing robe and opened the door cautiously.

James stood there in nothing but black boxers (Lily had to focus her eyes on his face) and a white t-shirt. He ran his hand through his hair nervously and sniffled, which from the sound of it, made it sound like he had been crying. His eyes were decidedly red-rimmed

"Potter, you ok?" Lily asked, stepping out of the dorm.

"Lily, I – I'm really sorry," James said and suddenly pulled her into a hug. Lily was shocked completely immobile and patted his back hesitantly. She could smell still his cologne and feel his hands shaking slightly. She couldn't help but feel how…how perfectly they molded together.

"What're you – " Lily started and James thrust a letter into her hands.

Wondering what this was about, she unfolded the letter. It was written in shaky handwriting, with smears where the author had shed his own tears. It read:

James,

Something really bad has happened, it's all over the wizarding world's radio. Some…attack or something took place earlier this evening and… well, you'd better break the news to Lily gently.

Misty is dead.

Sirius

Lily felt her heart jump into her throat. The world spun dangerously, like it had that day near the forest, but this time she knew she would not faint. …Dead? The word hardly seemed to have any meaning. She felt numb all over. 

"James…" she said hoarsely.

"I'm so sorry, Lily…" James said as a few tears trickled down his face.

"No!" Lily cried suddenly. She threw the letter down and looked up at James. Why was he blurry like that? No matter. "She's not dead! She can't be! She….she…" She blinked again. What was this? Oh. A tear. A tear down her cheek. Why was that there? Why….oh yes. "She can't be," she whispered.

"Lily, Sirius heard it over the radio!" James said softly.

She looked at him, her face an agonized mixture of confusion, grief and anger. For a second her features went blank. Dead. The word finally hit home. Her face crumpled and tears leaked out her eyes. Suddenly, her knees would not support her anymore. She fell to the floor, not even bothering to break her fall. Such emotion washed over her that she felt her heart might explode.

"She… cannot… be… dead! She just… can't!" Lily sobbed into the floor. "She's - my….my friend! And….she's alive……oh, God, James, she was alive…..I…..I saw her! I saw her……..I saw her today! She……can't…..be……dead! She was - right - there! Right….there…"

Her head spun, spun with images, with memories and with words. Misty had always been there for her, always been the one to comfort or cheer up. The one to joke around with, the one….the one….Lily shook her head, trying to shake out the pain, trying to shake out the anguish. Her eyes squeezed shut and the floor lurching beneath her. It couldn't be. It couldn't be. She sat up as much as she could, pulled her knees to her and cried more. Her face was burrowed between her knees and her red hair hung lifelessly in front of her, a curtain to her grief.

James didn't know what to say. He was in no position to comfort her - he could not begin to fathom the emotions that must be flooding through her at learning she had lot a friend - but what else could he do?

He sat down on the floor next to her and laid a hand on her shoulder. Her small frame was shaking, racked with sobs. He could hear her muttering to herself, and the fingers around her leg kept clenching and unclenching. After a minute, he began rubbing her back gently, soothingly. It seemed to help a little. Just the tiniest bit. The crying did not subside, though, and the shaking only weakened slightly.

"Lily… here, come back to your bed," he said quietly after a few minutes. He helped her up with some difficulty. She was sobbing so hard now she nearly fell back down, and that hair would not get out of her face. Perhaps it was better that way. James wasn't sure what he'd do if he had to witness her pain just then.

He opened the door and began to lead her in. She gasped for breath and ran to throw herself onto her bed, her sobs somewhat muffled by her pillow.

James slowly walked to her bed and sat down beside, letting her cry for a minute.

"I'm sorry. I don't know what to say…" he said, rubbing her back once more.

Lily let out several long, shaky sighs but each one only seemed to drive her into further hysterics. "Nothing can bring her back, James," she finally managed to choke out. "She's gone!"

"I know," James said gently.

Lily sat up, her cheeks damp and her eyes red and puffy. Several strands of hair clung to her face. "How can you possibly know? You have no idea what it's like to lose - what it's like to lose a best friend!" And erupted into sobs again, leaning her forehead against his shoulder.

"I don't know what it's like, but I can imagine it hurts like hell," James murmured. He wrapped his arms around her and let her cry into his shirt.

Lily felt drained. Her eyes were sore from crying, and she knew she must look terrible, but she couldn't stop. She - couldn't - stop. She surrendered to James' arms. She felt his strength seeping into her and slowly, ever so slowly, one slow second at a time, the pain began to subside for a moment. Subside, but not disappear. Never disappear. Oh, Misty, Lily thought with a new round of tears, why did you have to go?

The rest of the night was spent quietly, both Gryffindors drawing in on each other's comfort, both sharing in each other's pain. She fell asleep, eventually, and James noted how peaceful she looked before doing the same. Lily never moved an inch, and James was glad she didn't.

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A/N: * sniffles * Sad chapter. It kills me to kill off Misty. You can thank my lovely Beta Reader, EnglishBrat, for the dramatic torrent of emotion. Please don't kill me for what I've done! I promise it's for the good of the story! R/R!