This chapter has been edited. Nothing major however.

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"Hermione: the story of a girl. Whose child is she carrying? What have her relationships been? With many, many guest appearances"

Before the show had started, the crew had been giving Hagrid large quantities of mead, in an attempt to work him into a drunken rage at Legolas' insensitive comments about his ancestry. Little did they know that Hagrid is not a fighting drunk, but a weeping drunk.

When the segment of the show began, Hagrid was crying tears literally the size of a crocodile, while Legolas stared coolly at him.

"How could you say those things about me?" Hagrid bawled. "I couldn't help me mum was a giant, you nasty elf. And so what if I was kicked out of Hogwarts? I graduated from Oxford with those fine hobbits," he continued, indicating Merry and Pippin.

Legolas was much too dignified to respond to this on a show that he could see was run by a being infinitely worse than Sauron. He sat silently, looking menacingly at Mr. Springer.

Jerry spoke up, anxious to start a fight. "Did you hear that Mr. Legolas? That hairy giant just called you a nasty elf!" Seeing that the elf could not be provoked, he rolled up his sleeves and sighed, "I guess I'll have to send you back to the past where you were stuck..."

Hermione heard this and knew what she had to do to save the day. They couldn't go back to the '70's...being in the Muggle present was better than the wizard past. Plus, she wanted to keep Legolas trapped in the wrong time long enough to get him away from that tramp he was with.

She ran onto the stage, to everyone's surprise. "I have found out the results of the DNA test! I know who my baby's father is!"

The crowd, especially Hermione's friends, went into an uproar. The words "DNA test" and "baby's father" brought Jerry Springer back to what little senses he had and he quickly said, "We'll be back with the startling results after these messages..."

As soon as the scene cut to commercials, Narda was all over Hermione, hissing and scratching. "How dare you think of me as a tramp!" she screamed.

"Quick! Camera!" Jerry yelled.

"Because you are, you little . . . I mean, why would I think that?" But Hermione had a few good swings left in her.

"Hermione! The baby!" Ron was all concerned, but, for good measure, Narda decked him too.

"Hey!"

"That's for maybe creating such a thing!" Narda screamed, but Legolas was pulling her back. She was bleeding from a cut on her forehead and a black eye was blooming beautifully.

"They are not worth it," Legolas said coolly, eyeing Hermione with nothing short of distain.

Drat. Maybe he'd better go, anyway . . . .

But before Legolas could leave in a huff, or convince anyone else that they should, the commercials were over and the show was back on the air.

Jerry asked Hermione to sit down and tell the audience her sad story.

"Well, it all began when Malfoy called me a mudblood in my second year. I got quite an inferiority complex from that, despite being better than anyone here," she began sadly.

The noble elf could stand no more, and using the special elf magic that J.K. Rowling has yet to disclose to us, though Dobby has used it, vanished.

Narda burst into tears. Ron began to comfort her, but as Hermione saw she was no longer the center of attention, she skipped the rest of her life story and said loudly, "The father of my baby is the Evil Pink Bunny Slippers of DOOM!"

"Do you mean He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named?" Ron asked stupidly.

"No, it wasn't Voldemort, you idiot," Hermione scoffed. "Just his slippers." She began to cry, obviously faking, but Jerry Springer handed her a tissue.

As she took the tissue, she felt a sharp tug around her belly button and she soon found herself in the lake, riding on the back of what looked like a horse with a mane of kelp.

"What're you?" Hermione asked, suddenly, without explanation, able to breathe underwater, because this is a fanfic.

"I work at pizza hut" the thing said "YOU WILL EAT PIZZA OR DIIIIIIEEEEEEE!!!!!!

"But I hate pizza! It's the only thing that can bring my evil bushy hair back!" she screamed.
"I'm sorry, said the kelpie, whose name ironically was 'Thing', but pizza is the only thing that can save your unborn child from all the public ridicule it will endure all because you were sweet talked by an evil sorcerer's fancy footwear."
Ron and Harry, still gaping open mouthed like jellyfish. (I KNOW JELLY FISH DON'T HAVE MOUTHS! THAT'S THE BEAUTY OF FAN FICS! MWAHAHAHA!) Sorry. My alter ego, Ju Ju, (Don't ask about the name, your soul could be stolen) just went a little crazy. :: beats alter ego with large beating stick:: BACK JU JU! BACK I SAY!! Well, now that that problem is under control, on with the story... Ron and Harry, were STILL gaping open mouthed like jelly fish, and started crying on each other's shoulders asking why the stupid pink bunny slippers of doom, "That's EVIL Pink bunny slippers of doom to you, Missy!" , as I was saying, before I was interrupted by a SHOE…
Sooooo...
Ron and Harry, were STILL gaping open mouthed like jelly fish, and started crying on each other's shoulders asking why the stupid, evil, pink, bunny, slippers, of doom were the only ones to pass the test, when suddenly, Fred popped out of a bush wearing pink spectacles and said, "My dear, insolent, slobbering, buffoons, it was not the kind of test that one passes, but one of specific genetic patterns."
George then proceeded to grab Fred by the shoulders while apologizing and saying that he was working on following in his hero, Hagrid's, rather large footsteps and attending Oxford. (little does anyone know, but it's all an act! Fred and George only want to go to Oxford to blow up the toilets. But no one must know, because it might be perceived as an act of terrorism which would cause the U.S. to go to war with Britain, which would not be good for the world, seeing as they are our allies and… "YOU TOLD! STUPID NARRATOR GIRL! WE NEVER SHOULD HAVE TOLD YOU OUR PLOT! NOW FRED'LL NEVER GET IN!" George bellowed at me. And I'm afraid that this is where I'll have to end it until Fred and George calm down a smidgen ::runs away shrieking from pc::

Back to the story:

Fred and George decided the only way they would get into Oxford now was to have some influential friends put in a good word for them. Unfortunately, they didn't have any influential friends, so this presented a problem.

"Hey," Fred said suddenly. "Let's go talk to Jo Rowling."

"Do you think she'd help?" George said excitedly.

"Sure she will. She created us, I'm sure she wants to see us succeed in life...by the way, how did everyone else get off of the Jerry Springer show and back to Hogwarts?" Fred asked.

No one seemed to know this, but they were too relieved to be back in the correct time to question it.

"Wait, Fred," George said. "Won't Jo be too busy writing Order of the Phoenix? I do want her to write in our graduation, and if we interrupt she may get mad and take that out..."

"Haven't you heard?" Ron exclaimed. "Let the joyous news be spread: She has finished book 5!"

There was much cheering and celebration and then Fred and George left on their quest. After more rejoicing, Emma looked around and said puzzedly, "Where's Hermione gone? I haven't seen her since she got port-keyed off of Jerry Springer?"

*****************************************

"I'm sorry," the kelpie sighed, flipping her mane to one side. "My alternate personality has this pizza fetish..."

"What?"

"Oh, never mind. We're getting near the mertown now, where the real father of your baby, Draco Malfoy, is waiting to propose to you."

"Propose!?" Hermione shrieked. "But I'm only 15! Is that even legal? And how do you know-"

"This is fanfiction, Hermione," the kelpie sighed. "Random characters mysteriously know things nobody else does. And it doesn't matter what age you are, or whether it's legal, certain fanfics marry you to a male character-in this one, it's going to be Draco Malfoy."

"Oh, come on," Hermione sighed more quietly, leaping off the kelpie's back onto the lake bed, "It's just irrational to pair me with Malfoy. What are these authors thinking? WE might learn to respect each other, but our differences are just too insurmountable..."

The kelpie let out what could be discerned as a snort. "You're so naive! Fanfiction authors don't think about that sort of thing! They just write whatever daydream pops into their heads!"

"Oh, that's horrible" Hermione grumbled. "But I guess I'll just be stuck with every male character in the books until June, won't I?"

"Sad, but true, "the kelpie agreed, leading Hermione into the mertown. " But even then-who knows if JKR will put a concrete romance between you and Ron-it could continue even afterwards!"

"Oh, no!"

*******************************

"Yeah I haven't seen her either."
Suddenly out of nowhere a midget with a leaf palm frond called Savage appeared.
"Hey! Who are you and what are you doing here?" someone asked.
Well, going with the tradition of most fanfiction I have written one of my alter egos into the story."
"Oh" they all said. So then they all arranged to search for Hermione. The search party was entitled "The Order of the Phoenix," Because 5% of fanfics actually have plots (whether anybody believes it or not) and this seemed like a good idea. However a fight broke out because Legolas wanted it to be called the "Fellowship of the Phoenix" and in the end, Ron and Rupert won and Legolas had to be brought along tied up from head to toe because they decided unanimously that throwing him in the lake was simply inhumane.

Meanwhile, it should be mentioned that Narda would not stand having her man trusse dup like that and managed to give Savage a black eye until Ron and Rupert tied her up, too. So much for me. I don't have any more alter egos.

Oh, and an update . . . Rhea and Sean happily married in Las Vegas with Elvis as a witness and are now honeymooning in Scotland, because he of course has that cute accent.

I am allowed to return since Fred and George have begun to take anger management sessions with a highly trained therapist! Yay!
So the search party set off in a totally opposite direction with Rupert, Emma, and Dan singing something about the "Wizard of Oz." This was earning them sideways glances from the other members of this band of sputtering baboons.
As they were approaching the Forbidden Forest, Ron decided he was tired and plopped his bottom on a stump.
"Why are we walking when we could just wait for the Ford Anglia to appear? See as it comes back to us in 15.36% of fan fics."
"But Ron!" shrieked Malfoy, popping out of a bush with a horrible red wig on, "Then you wouldn't be getting the recommended amount of exercise! And then you would get fat, and that is sooo not cute!
This was too much for Harry, "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE, MALFOY? AND WHY DO YOU HAVE A WIG COVERING YOUR BEAUTIFUL, PLATINUM BLONDE LOCKS?"
"Oh Harry, you silly goose! Don't be so over order protective! Especially since I don't even love you anymore. I love Ronniekins. He has a much better sense of humor than you!" replied Malfoy, "Oh, and I've changed my name to Daisy Malfifi, since my father disowned (being disowned by his father happens in 59.6 of all fan fics that feature Malfoy errr… Malfifi) me for being a pouf! Plus, it sounds so cute on me! Don't ya think?" he and/or she giggled.
"But Malfoy," began Ron, "THAT'S MALFIFI TO YOU, WEASLEY, oops! Sorry! Um… Puddin, what would you like to ask me?" responded D.M.

"Well," continued Ron, "I just wanted to ask why you were hiding in that bush."
D.M. was just about to open his/her mouth when Albus Dumbledore popped out of thin air, lowered his hands and surveyed Harry through his half-moon glasses.
"It is time,' he said 'for me to tell you what I should have told you five years ago, Harry. Please sit down. I am going to tell you everything."

Harry sat down, but it was a trap and he fell in a hole. Dumbledore took off his mask. It was Voldemort with moldyshorts and the Evil Pink Bunny Slippers of Doom!!!

"Muahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahah
Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahah*cough*hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah
Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah
Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah!
I finally have Harry Potter in my trap!! AVADA KEDAVRA!!"

Voldemort killed Harry, became the most powerful wizard in the world, conquered the world, became supreme ruler of earth and renamed the planet Planet Voldie. "Hey!" Harry said, "That's not fair! You can't end the story like that!"
Ok, ok, Voldemort DIDN'T take over the world. Have it your way.
Voldemort with moldy shorts and Evil Pink Bunny Slippers of Doom broke down crying. "But it's not FAIR!! I never get to win! WAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!"

Just because he felt it was getting to quiet, Sirius (who somehow had showed up with a New York Yankees hat and green pinafore on) pointed his wand and shouted, "FINITE INCANTETEM!", at Voldemort.
A ghost popped out of the Lord of the Evil Pink Bunny Slippers of Doom, formerly known as Lord Voldemort's wand. It was his mother!
"MUMMY!" he cried.
"Oh Tommy! I'm so proud of you! Upholding the family tradition of murdering innocent people just because they aren't like you! You're on the right track to becoming just like your German cousin, Adolf! But right now, you are disgracing the entire line. Sobbing just because you can't kill the "Boy who Lived". The relatives down in Hades are concerned... well not really. But they are talking about the prospect of you asking the Big Guy for a clean soul, because you're taking away all your pride by admitting that you are just a simpleton when compared to that Potter kid. So in the words of Olivia Newton John, 'you better shape up'!"
Harry was slightly unsettled by this incident.
"Wait. Last year, only dead people who he KILLED came out of his wand. Which means, Moldy Voldy Man killed his own mother?"
Mrs. Riddle said, "Well of course he did! I never really died after giving birth to him. I just lied and went back to live with my retard of a husband, Tom, (really, he thought a witch couldn't manipulate him) and his parents. I knew that those stupid muggles would NEVER help me make my little Tommy evil enough. So I faked my own death. Some other muggles put him in a ritzy orphanage. I realized that this just wouldn't do, and took a polyjuice potion to assume the likeness of a nun. I said that this boy was worth nothing and should be put in the worst possible home for him. So dear Tommy grew bitter towards muggles, just as all us Slytherins do, and went off to Hogwarts. I planted some books that explained his true lineage, and then, when he was 16, he opened the Chamber of Secrets. The real purpose of that building was not to store the monstrous creature that would eradicate Hogwarts of all mudbloods, but as a bachelor pad for my late Grandpa Salazar. But alas! I am going off the topic. So Tommy killed a mudblood, framed the rather large man with the pink blouse on, became Head Boy, and then plotted to kill off his 'uncaring' muggle relations in Little Hangleton. He thought I was his Grandmother Riddle, so he offed me as well. Honestly Tommy, do I really look that old? How could you make that mistake? Oh well! And you know the story after that… my ickle Tommykins gains more and more power, and is just inches away from taking over the world when a certain little myopic brat ruins his powers. He tries numerous ways to gain his strength back, and ends up in one crazy fan fiction after another. But in this particular one, the idiotic, a muggle no doubt, (please don't be offended dearest Savage! Voldy's Mother is severely unhinged) writer has my Schnooglepudding crying over you, Harry. So in a last ditch effort to save our reputation, I was sent back to Earth"
"Oh. Ok," said Harry, in an attempt to sound smart. Ron obviously felt the same way as he whispered to him, "Did you get any of that?"

"Nope." Harry whispered back, "Do you think she'll give us muffins?"
"AHA!!" said Hermione, appearing out of nowhere, "YOU WERE THE ONE THAT STOLE MY FRYING PANS!!" she said, addressing Moldy Voldie's mom.
"Well they're MY frying pans now!!" Moldy Voldie's mom answered.
"GIVE BACK THE PANS OR YOU WILL DIE!!"
"I'm already dead! And why should I give them back anyways?"
"Because their mine. My own... my precious..."
"You see son, this is what I'm talking about! Why can't you be more like the phycopathic nerdy girl?" Voldie's mom said turning back to him.

"Their making fun of me!" Voldie sobbed pointing to Harry and Ron who were sniggering at the thought of Voldie being called "Schnooglepudding".

"Don't let them make fun of you!" Moldy Voldie's dear mother screamed. "They are nothing – only a wizard with 3/4 pure blood and his excruciatingly poor friend! Kill them!"

But Moldy Voldie kept sobbing- after all, he only wanted to be accepted- so his ghost mummy shrieked, "Then I'll do it myself!" She grabbed her only son's wand, pointed it at Harry and yelled, "A-"

But before she could finish, Sir Nicholas De mimsy Porpington's head crashed into the wand and knocked it out of her hand. A moment later, as Harry and Ron stared in wonder, Nick's body came floating into view.

"How'd you do that?" Ron asked, bewildered.

"I asked Hagrid for help to get into the Headless Hunt," Nick began. "Since he learned so many fancy things at Oxford, he knew just what to do. Before I knew it, I was truly headless." He beamed proudly.

"That's-er-great!" Harry said. "Thanks for saving us."

"Don't mention it," the kind ghost replied. "Except maybe to the guy who runs the Headless Hunt (I can't remember his name)...he might be impressed."

"Sure," Harry said as Hermione attacked Moldy Voldie's ghostly mum (who was still in shock at having her wand knocked out of her hand by a ghostly head) trying to get her frying pans back... just then, two small men with extremely large hairy feet tumbled out of the hedge, followed by a giant bloodshot eye. "Frodo!" Legolas shouted. Well, tried to shout - he was still gagged, remember?

"Legolas!" Frodo cried, attempting to run and free his friend, but Sam's hand on his arm stopped him.

"Mr. Frodo, I don't think you should just go running into all them people. They could be dangerous," he said seriously, glaring at them all.

Moldy Voldie's mother's ghost giggled. "I know who you are! My dear friend J.R.R. told me all about you! You're Samwise Gamgee."

Sam turned a bit red. "Well, yes, m'am, I am."

In a little girl voice, she went on, "I've always thought you were the cute one, so much braver than silly old Rolo."

"Frodo, m'am," Sam replied, but he was smiling back. Before anyone knew what was happening, Sam and Moldy Voldie's mumsie's ghost had leapt behind the nearest bush.

"Let's make a run for it," Moldy Voldie said pleadingly. "I can't face her again."

But Frodo was about to burst into tears. "No!" he sniffed, blue eyes full to overflowing. "I can't leave Sam, not even if he does this to me! We swore forever and ever that we would be true to each other and never snog anyone else!"

"TMI!" Hermione said, making a face as if she were about to start burping up slugs.

"TMI?" Harry asked.

"Yeah, didn't you know?" Ron asked, once again reading his book. "Seems it's popular now for us to know computer slang and such. She means 'too much information.' As in, she could have gone her whole life without knowing Sam and Frodo had a special relationship recognized only in Vermont."

As everyone was pondering over what this "special" relationship was, Dean Thomas popped out the shrubbery with large pink lipstick marks on his face and started to bellow in a perfect New York accent, "SOCCER IS BETTER THAN QUIDDITCH!"
Seamus Finnigan, Dean's "special" friend, leaped out of the same bush clad in a pink tube top, leather mini skirt, and fishnet tights. "Oh Deanie,' he giggled in a Southern Georgia drawl, "we all know how you feel about sports!" Seamus then proceeded to drag "Deanie" back into the bush, where some controversial noises were made.
Ron and Harry had looks of utmost horror on their faces.
Ron was able to express his feelings in words, "Th… They're…THEY'RE AMERICAN! NOOO!
Just then, Lily Rose Daisy Geranium Chrysanthemum Marie Evans Potter Lupin (I've read one to many L+ J fics where Lily has the most bizzare middle names, so mwahaha!) shot through the air in a cannon while speaking with Darth Vader's signature wheeze, "Harry, ::shaaw:: I am your mother. ::shaaw::"
"Uhh, I already knew that," replied Harry. But what Harry didn't know was that wasn't really Lily :: :: :: :: :: :: :: ::, it was Nicole Kidman rehearsing for her role in Moulin Rouge 2: Harry P. Meets Star Wars, Which Meets a Lot of Pop Hits from the 80's and 90's.

"Well?" The cast rounded on Narda, who for some reason was still with them.

She shrugged. "I've not seen Moulon Rouge, for one thing - heck, I can't even spell it - and for another, I don't listen to music that's from later than like the 70s!"

Out of now where a big thing came hurtling towards them and it hit Ron.

"Ahh! Get it off, get it off!" Ron screamed, waving his arm wildly where the niffler had attached itself to his watch. "Ahhh!"

...but little did they know that it was an evil niffler working for the Dark Lord Dobby and was sent by the Dark Lord Dobby to kill Harry Potter so the Dark Lord Dobby wouldn't have to do it himself and so that the Dark Lord Dobby could stay home and watch the super bowl.
"I'll bet that this "Dark Lord Dobby" they keep mentioning sounds like he wants us all dead for a ludicrous reason, is going to throw us into a pit of angry monkeys and has a over-sized Ego." Rupert said, "Who wants pizza?"
Everyone agreed to this, even Moldy Voldie's mom and they all left Ron alone there and totally forgot that he was being devoured by an evil niffler.

Except, with all the complaints going on about how this is a little kids' site too, Ron didn't die; he was, um, shall we say . . . put back together in the gullet of the man-eating niffler and, well, expelled from the other end, much like a dwarf eating clay in a tunnel, but then Ron - looking a bit pale - shouts, "Hey, you! There are HP-LOTR fics, and maybe even HP-Moulin Rouge fics, if you can spell that, but absolutely no HP-Artemis Fowl fics!"

Well, ex-cuse me for writing!

But I, as the omnipotent narrator, decide that a HP-Jane Eyre ff would be more to my taste (no kidding, I have actually read one of these...) So I sent Ron hurtling into the world of poor downtrodden Jane Eyre, since I can do whatever I want in this story.

Poor Ron was deposited outside of Thornfield where a very plain girl, only a bit older than him, came upon him.

"My goodness!" plain Jane exclaimed. "What do we have here? A poor orphan like I once was- long ago when I was locked away in the red room and then shipped to Lowood? I must take you in!"

And before Ron could explain that Harry was the orphan, not him, he was escorted into the manor and brought before the man of the house, Mr. Rochester.

"Jane, my darling," the older, ugly man said lovingly. "Who is this you bring before me? You have such a good heart, can't you teach me to be more like you?"

And since there is not just one omni-potent narrator, and I happen to be one, and because within the confines of this post I can do whatever I want, and since I have no idea who Jane Eeyrie is, Suddenly Jane turned into a walrus and squashed the old guy and Ron got transported back to the others because his pants were a portkey. All the others were eating pizza (execpt Legolas because he was all tied up if you remember) and drinking soda pop.
"Can I have some pizza?" Ron asked.

And, sick of seeing him trussed up like that, Narda untied her boyfirend - er, elf-friend - and decided to make another attempt at the Artemis Fowl-HP fic thing. Out of the bushes - please, don't ask what they were doing in there - walked a centaur wearing tin foil on his head and a rather large, scary-looking man who may as well have been a transplant from MIB. Except he was Butler, and he wasn't looking very happy.

"Where's Artemis?" he snapped, looking around from behind his mirrored sunglasses.

Narda rolled her eyes. "Like I'd know? If I had a third personality, I'd be able to tell you exactly where he was and how good a kisser he is, but there's only two, remember? Rhea and Sean, Narda and Legolas . . . "

"Oh, shut up," the centaur - named Foaly - whinnied, stiffing a gag in her mouth and securing it with duct tape. He then looked around expectantly. "Well? What's next?"

"DUCT TAPE!!!" screamed Gwen, appearing out of yet another bush, "I WANT SOME DUCT TAPE!!!"
Foaly gagged her as well. She seemed satisfied and began searching the bushes for other authors.

"Right," Foaly continued, rather stunned by the appearance of Gwen.
"So yes, what's next? Where will we find the hobbits?" asked Legolas expectantly, nearly hopping up and down on one of his feet in anticipation.
"Hobbits??" asked Benjamin whom Gwen had found hiding in the bushes.
Gwen explained, "Sweetheart, maybe you need some duct tape so you can keep your mouth shut."
"COOL! DUCT TAPE!" shouted Ben, as he and Gwen had the same odd fascination with duct tape. He and Gwen took the duct tape from Foaly and started putting it all over their clothes.
"Ummm, okay..." Narda said, watching the weird ritualistic ceremony.

"Is this some Mud Man thing?" Foaly asked, watching with morbid fascination.

"Beats me," Narda muttered back, "but at least I don't war a tin foil cap to keep the Mud Men from reading my mind."

"Didn't he ditch that in the second book?" asked Hermione who, of course, had read them. Hermione reads everything.

"I suppose he did," Butler muttered, still a bit anxious as Artemis was no where in sight. And an anxious seven-foot tall man with fingers the size of sausages would have been funny, had he not also had various weapons strapped under the jacket of his designer suit.

Narda shrugged. "I told you, it beats me. Maybe one of them can help you." She gestured to the faceless people who are only reading this story and have not yet contributed.

"Well?" Butler demanded, looking menacing. "Can you?"

So then Artemis arived in a plasma shuttle with this elf who looked a lot like Holly, a main character from the Artemis Fowl books, but was really Kelpy.

"Who are these people, Kelpy?" he asked suspiciously, pointing to everyone except the centaur,(who was basically in charge of a police force called the LEP, which both Holly and Kelpy worked for) and Butler, his butler and bodyguard.

"Them?" Kelpy grinned mischievously. "Just some characters from two fantasy books I really like-and some deranged fanfiction authors."

"Oh, I see." Artemis nodded. "And where exactly are we?"

"Well, to escape from the goblin militia unit that's chasing us, I hooked up the shuttle's motherboard with a dimension converter-and since we were already in a fictional dimension, I figured a good dimension to go to would be...the Harry Potter fanfiction dimension."

"Kelpy, did you even consider the hazards?" Artemis asked with a small groan. "Do you know what being in the fanfiction dimension can do to you?"

"Indeed," Kelpy sighed. "It can cause you to be possessed by a Mary/Gary Sue, to act completely out of character, and be placed in completely impossible situations. That's why, even if the goblins have a dimension converter, it won't have this dimension on it! And there are safe places here."

"Safe places?" Artemis asked incredulously. "Like what?"


"LIKE THESE BUSHES!!!!" screamed Gwen and Ben who had just jumped out from behind some bushes.
"Well, you could hide in there...usually they're used for...ummm...other purposes, though," said Narda, grinning at Legolas.
"Yea, like HIDING HOBBITS!" yelled Legolas.
"Riiiiiight," said everyone besides him, watching in awe as he jumped around in a circle with his bow and arrow out, looking for "orcs".

But suddenly Moldy Voldie' mom threw a giant cereal box fell towards Ron before he could take the pizza when no-one was looking. It fell directly on Ron and he was stuck in it and ran around screaming, "AAAAHHHHH!!!!! HEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLPPPPP!!!!!!