Chapter Ten - I Am Too Late
Warning - while this chapter is not graphic as the last, it does contain some violent scenes which may be deemed inappropriate by certain readers.
Read at your own risk.
Mulder hardly remembered the drive back to his apartment other than the fact that he had placed a frantic call to Skinner informing him of the situation and asking for him to send over backup as soon as he could.
He was going as fast as he could and glanced over at the clock on his dashboard. Even at this speed, it would take him a little over five minutes to get home.
"Hang on Scully" he said like a prayer "I am coming."
Scully's mind had done her the favor of turning itself off. Halfway through her first climax by Holton's touch she had just become numb.
Her body had turned on her but her mind was doing its best to protect her. She just lay there perfectly still eyes open without really seeing.
Holton had noticed both her screams of pain and her following silence as he had slowly and steadily brought her to peak time and time again. She lay there now silent but he was convinced that her body ached for the ultimate release that only he could provide.
Scully managed to shut her eyes and tried to think of being anywhere else as he slowly entered her. It was useless for he drove himself into her with such force that her head banged against the floor.
It was only after hearing him grunt at his own release that she realized that she was about to die. She didn't even care.
He had used her brutally and by doing so had destroyed her soul. Part of her yearned for the peace that death would bring.
Holton looked down at her and smiled wickedly at her. "That was most enjoyable my dear. It seems a pity to have to kill you but I am afraid that I must if only to set poor Robert free at last."
He almost looked sad as he picked up the knife and slowly spun it around in his hand.
With squealing tires, Mulder turned the last corner and quickly parked directly behind Agent Smith's car. He ran past stopping only momentarily when he caught the image of Smith's body out of the corner of his eye.
One look at the unnatural angle in which Smith's head was lying told him all he needed to know. Smith was dead.
He bound up the stairs weapon drawn stopping only for a second when he saw his mutilated door. Offering up a silent prayer to Scully's God, he entered.
Holton was busily drawing delicate lines down Scully's stomach when Mulder entered the room. Each line was bringing to the surface a small amount of Scully's blood.
Mulder saw Scully lifeless body stretched out on the floor and a wave of nausea swept over him.
"Federal Agent - Step Away" he said calmly his gun pointed directly at Holton.
"Why Agent Mulder so nice to see you" Holton said quietly not stopping what he was doing. "Too bad you weren't here for the fun part. She was just as good as I thought she would be."
Mulder fought the urge to shoot Holton right in the head. "I said step away Holton. This is my last warning. Step away right now or I will shoot."
Holton just turned and smiled at him. "You will not kill me Agent Mulder as much as you would like to. You are not man enough."
Holton went back to his work Mulder cocked his gun ready to fire when the sound of a single gunshot echoed in his ear.
Holton fell sideways, away from Scully with a look of total shock on his now dead face.
Mulder spun around to see Walter Skinner calmly place his weapon back into his holster. Their eyes met for a second but neither man said a word.
Mulder quickly pushed Holton's body off Scully and searched her for a pulse. He found one but it was very weak.
"She's alive Sir, but barely."
George Washington Hospital
On more than one occasion during her three week stay in the hospital did Scully wish again that she had died that day in Mulder's apartment.
Her soul had been ripped from her, so as far as she could see there was no real reason for her physical body to keep existing.
But it did - just to spite her she was sure. Either her mother or Mulder was constantly by her side offering her encouragement. Telling her she was lucky to be alive.
It didn't help. Nothing helped. She was dead inside and could think of no way to resurrect herself.
Mulder and her mother Maggie spent hours talking to the doctors about Scully's condition. Physically she was healing nicely but the damage to her mental state was harder to determine.
They considered it a minor miracle that she was even relating to anyone considering what she had been through not once but twice. Her entire sense of trust had been taken from her - at least when it came to members of the opposite sex.
It would take a lot of love, support and effort from a man with who she had profound trust, they had said, to even get her on the road to recovery. Even then there was no guarantee that she would ever return to being 'herself'.
It was not necessarily a happy day when Scully was finally discharged from the hospital. She was perfectly aware of what she had become and she knew she only had one choice.
She had to speak to Mulder immediately.
Mulder was quite surprised to see her standing in the doorway of his apartment. He thought that she would never want to return there again.
"Hey" he said opening the door so she could pass.
She did so without saying anything. Mulder thought nothing of it - he was too busy watching her reaction to being back in his apartment again.
But there was no reaction. That worried him.
"Mulder" Scully said trying not to meet his eyes. "I need to talk to you about something."
Mulder nodded already feeling a looming sense of dread spread over him. He pointed to the couch and they both sat.
"Mulder I have been thinking a lot about what I am going to do with myself now that." she trailed off but then began again. "I remember you asking me to promise you that I would never leave without saying goodbye."
Mulder nodded. "Well, I am here to say goodbye Mulder" she knew she had said it badly but couldn't help it.
"What I mean to say" she said trying again for the third time "is that you had mentioned trying to convince me to stay here in DC. To give us a chance to evolve as a couple"
Mulder barely nodded. "Well I know that is one dream that will never come to pass now. And knowing that, I really can't stand the thought of being this close to you and not."
Mulder cut her off by pulling her into his arms. "You don't have to leave Scully. We can work through this - together."
"No we can't Mulder" she said into his shirt. "Don't you see? There is nothing left of me but this shell of my former self. You deserve better than that. You deserve a whole person. A person who can love you and wants to be with you."
She pulled away far enough for her to look him directly in the eye. "You deserve someone who won't become physically ill at the thought of you touching her."
Mulder looked at her his heart breaking. "Scully you know I would never hurt you"
"I know that Mulder, believe me, I know that. But even now being this close to you brings up images of them and what they did to me."
"You can tell me about it if you want" he said softly.
Scully sprung to her feet. "Believe me Mulder you don't want to hear it any more than I want to say it."
Mulder wanted to take her in his arms again but thought better of it.
"I can stand it if you can Scully" he said softly.
"Okay. You asked for it" she said dryly beginning to pace around the room as if trying to escape something.
She told him everything then. From the way in which Holton had flicked over his fish tank with just one finger to how he had suckled her until her body had arched under him in release.
"I tried to fight him off with my mind but my body listened to him not me." She said staring without seeing off into the distance. "Finally, though, my mind won out and shut off everything."
"Don't you see Mulder - to save me from responding to him any further my mind has simply cut off all feeling. I feel next to nothing for anything or anyone now."
Mulder took a step towards her but she raised her hand to stop him. "I know, it may come back with time and I hope that at least my emotions do. But who knows how long it will take. I can't ask you to do that for me. It just isn't fair."
Mulder stood motionless. "Where are you going to go?"
Scully smiled at this. "It is nice to know at least this time around you're asking. A friend of my mother's has a little cabin up in the mountains about an hour or so from here. I thought a little peace and quiet may help."
Mulder said nothing as she walked over to the door. He didn't have to - he knew that she knew how he felt.
"Goodbye Mulder"
An hour later Mulder stood outside of Maggie Scully's hotel room eagerly pounding on the door.
Maggie opened the door and immediately smiled at the sight of him.
"Hello Fox" she said stepping aside so he could enter her room. "This is a pleasant surprise." She gave him a quick peck on the cheek causing him to blush ever-so-slightly.
"Dana" he started and noticing the look of panic that appeared on Maggie's face he took a deep breath and began again. "I am looking for Dana Mrs. Scully."
"She's gone Fox. She promised me that she would speak to you first this time. Did she not do that?"
"Oh she spoke to me all right." He said his voice full of resentment. "Pretty much told me to go and find my own life. A life without her."
Maggie Scully looked at Mulder's face and saw the pain in his eyes. "And are you planning to respect her wishes Fox?" she asked softly.
"Hell no." he said giving her a small wicked smile.
"Thank goodness" Maggie sighed offering him a seat. "Take a seat Fox and I will order us some coffee and I will tell you everything I know."
+++++++++++++++++++++ End of chapter ten
Warning - while this chapter is not graphic as the last, it does contain some violent scenes which may be deemed inappropriate by certain readers.
Read at your own risk.
Mulder hardly remembered the drive back to his apartment other than the fact that he had placed a frantic call to Skinner informing him of the situation and asking for him to send over backup as soon as he could.
He was going as fast as he could and glanced over at the clock on his dashboard. Even at this speed, it would take him a little over five minutes to get home.
"Hang on Scully" he said like a prayer "I am coming."
Scully's mind had done her the favor of turning itself off. Halfway through her first climax by Holton's touch she had just become numb.
Her body had turned on her but her mind was doing its best to protect her. She just lay there perfectly still eyes open without really seeing.
Holton had noticed both her screams of pain and her following silence as he had slowly and steadily brought her to peak time and time again. She lay there now silent but he was convinced that her body ached for the ultimate release that only he could provide.
Scully managed to shut her eyes and tried to think of being anywhere else as he slowly entered her. It was useless for he drove himself into her with such force that her head banged against the floor.
It was only after hearing him grunt at his own release that she realized that she was about to die. She didn't even care.
He had used her brutally and by doing so had destroyed her soul. Part of her yearned for the peace that death would bring.
Holton looked down at her and smiled wickedly at her. "That was most enjoyable my dear. It seems a pity to have to kill you but I am afraid that I must if only to set poor Robert free at last."
He almost looked sad as he picked up the knife and slowly spun it around in his hand.
With squealing tires, Mulder turned the last corner and quickly parked directly behind Agent Smith's car. He ran past stopping only momentarily when he caught the image of Smith's body out of the corner of his eye.
One look at the unnatural angle in which Smith's head was lying told him all he needed to know. Smith was dead.
He bound up the stairs weapon drawn stopping only for a second when he saw his mutilated door. Offering up a silent prayer to Scully's God, he entered.
Holton was busily drawing delicate lines down Scully's stomach when Mulder entered the room. Each line was bringing to the surface a small amount of Scully's blood.
Mulder saw Scully lifeless body stretched out on the floor and a wave of nausea swept over him.
"Federal Agent - Step Away" he said calmly his gun pointed directly at Holton.
"Why Agent Mulder so nice to see you" Holton said quietly not stopping what he was doing. "Too bad you weren't here for the fun part. She was just as good as I thought she would be."
Mulder fought the urge to shoot Holton right in the head. "I said step away Holton. This is my last warning. Step away right now or I will shoot."
Holton just turned and smiled at him. "You will not kill me Agent Mulder as much as you would like to. You are not man enough."
Holton went back to his work Mulder cocked his gun ready to fire when the sound of a single gunshot echoed in his ear.
Holton fell sideways, away from Scully with a look of total shock on his now dead face.
Mulder spun around to see Walter Skinner calmly place his weapon back into his holster. Their eyes met for a second but neither man said a word.
Mulder quickly pushed Holton's body off Scully and searched her for a pulse. He found one but it was very weak.
"She's alive Sir, but barely."
George Washington Hospital
On more than one occasion during her three week stay in the hospital did Scully wish again that she had died that day in Mulder's apartment.
Her soul had been ripped from her, so as far as she could see there was no real reason for her physical body to keep existing.
But it did - just to spite her she was sure. Either her mother or Mulder was constantly by her side offering her encouragement. Telling her she was lucky to be alive.
It didn't help. Nothing helped. She was dead inside and could think of no way to resurrect herself.
Mulder and her mother Maggie spent hours talking to the doctors about Scully's condition. Physically she was healing nicely but the damage to her mental state was harder to determine.
They considered it a minor miracle that she was even relating to anyone considering what she had been through not once but twice. Her entire sense of trust had been taken from her - at least when it came to members of the opposite sex.
It would take a lot of love, support and effort from a man with who she had profound trust, they had said, to even get her on the road to recovery. Even then there was no guarantee that she would ever return to being 'herself'.
It was not necessarily a happy day when Scully was finally discharged from the hospital. She was perfectly aware of what she had become and she knew she only had one choice.
She had to speak to Mulder immediately.
Mulder was quite surprised to see her standing in the doorway of his apartment. He thought that she would never want to return there again.
"Hey" he said opening the door so she could pass.
She did so without saying anything. Mulder thought nothing of it - he was too busy watching her reaction to being back in his apartment again.
But there was no reaction. That worried him.
"Mulder" Scully said trying not to meet his eyes. "I need to talk to you about something."
Mulder nodded already feeling a looming sense of dread spread over him. He pointed to the couch and they both sat.
"Mulder I have been thinking a lot about what I am going to do with myself now that." she trailed off but then began again. "I remember you asking me to promise you that I would never leave without saying goodbye."
Mulder nodded. "Well, I am here to say goodbye Mulder" she knew she had said it badly but couldn't help it.
"What I mean to say" she said trying again for the third time "is that you had mentioned trying to convince me to stay here in DC. To give us a chance to evolve as a couple"
Mulder barely nodded. "Well I know that is one dream that will never come to pass now. And knowing that, I really can't stand the thought of being this close to you and not."
Mulder cut her off by pulling her into his arms. "You don't have to leave Scully. We can work through this - together."
"No we can't Mulder" she said into his shirt. "Don't you see? There is nothing left of me but this shell of my former self. You deserve better than that. You deserve a whole person. A person who can love you and wants to be with you."
She pulled away far enough for her to look him directly in the eye. "You deserve someone who won't become physically ill at the thought of you touching her."
Mulder looked at her his heart breaking. "Scully you know I would never hurt you"
"I know that Mulder, believe me, I know that. But even now being this close to you brings up images of them and what they did to me."
"You can tell me about it if you want" he said softly.
Scully sprung to her feet. "Believe me Mulder you don't want to hear it any more than I want to say it."
Mulder wanted to take her in his arms again but thought better of it.
"I can stand it if you can Scully" he said softly.
"Okay. You asked for it" she said dryly beginning to pace around the room as if trying to escape something.
She told him everything then. From the way in which Holton had flicked over his fish tank with just one finger to how he had suckled her until her body had arched under him in release.
"I tried to fight him off with my mind but my body listened to him not me." She said staring without seeing off into the distance. "Finally, though, my mind won out and shut off everything."
"Don't you see Mulder - to save me from responding to him any further my mind has simply cut off all feeling. I feel next to nothing for anything or anyone now."
Mulder took a step towards her but she raised her hand to stop him. "I know, it may come back with time and I hope that at least my emotions do. But who knows how long it will take. I can't ask you to do that for me. It just isn't fair."
Mulder stood motionless. "Where are you going to go?"
Scully smiled at this. "It is nice to know at least this time around you're asking. A friend of my mother's has a little cabin up in the mountains about an hour or so from here. I thought a little peace and quiet may help."
Mulder said nothing as she walked over to the door. He didn't have to - he knew that she knew how he felt.
"Goodbye Mulder"
An hour later Mulder stood outside of Maggie Scully's hotel room eagerly pounding on the door.
Maggie opened the door and immediately smiled at the sight of him.
"Hello Fox" she said stepping aside so he could enter her room. "This is a pleasant surprise." She gave him a quick peck on the cheek causing him to blush ever-so-slightly.
"Dana" he started and noticing the look of panic that appeared on Maggie's face he took a deep breath and began again. "I am looking for Dana Mrs. Scully."
"She's gone Fox. She promised me that she would speak to you first this time. Did she not do that?"
"Oh she spoke to me all right." He said his voice full of resentment. "Pretty much told me to go and find my own life. A life without her."
Maggie Scully looked at Mulder's face and saw the pain in his eyes. "And are you planning to respect her wishes Fox?" she asked softly.
"Hell no." he said giving her a small wicked smile.
"Thank goodness" Maggie sighed offering him a seat. "Take a seat Fox and I will order us some coffee and I will tell you everything I know."
+++++++++++++++++++++ End of chapter ten