Baby Looney Toons Rumble By Bumper and Proforce Baby Looney Toons copyright Warner Brothers, this work copyright the authors
"Folks, Robert and I here with quite possibly the most ridiculous fight we've had to date. Today, we've got a battle royal in a somewhat expanded pool, that will involve six of the Baby Looney Toons crowd. Robert, fill us in on more of the details."
"Well, our competitors today are Baby Bugs, Baby Daffy, Baby Lola, Baby Taz, Baby Sylvester, and Baby Tweety. As always in out battle royals, it's last one standing that wins. Anything goes of course, all you have to do is survive."
"As you people have likely guessed, it's masks and snorkels for this one. They're entered the water at different points... and the battle begins! Taz is already trying to make a move, starting up that spin... but who is he going to go after first?"
"Wait, doesn't look like he's going after anyone in particular. It looks like he's trying to whirlpool everyone and end this quick! But it's not working. He can't keep up the spin long enough and has to breathe quickly."
"Poor little Tazzie can't quite pull 'em in very well yet, it looks like. And opportunistic Sylvester is trying to reach Taz before Taz reaches air... but he simply takes too long and winds up in the same kind of predictament... you can see these guys are really still adjusting down there, Robert."
"Well Trevor, none of them have that high of a breathhold. But it looks like Bugs and Lola are going to team up and get rid of the weakest first: Tweety. This is not gonna be pretty."
"Normally, I'd give Tweety more of a chance, but even if the canary-colored bird had the usual cunning and escape skill, Tweety just doesn't have the physical skills to use them to their fullest. And they're on Tweety, and the two rabbits decide to just slap him silly with their ears untill he passes out. Very quick first kill in this rumble."
"And now they go up as one to take a breath. Hey wait, where's Daffy? I haven't noticed him doing anything yet. Oh wait, there he is. He's sneaking up on Taz? Does this duck have a death wish or something?"
"He's got a plan, Robert. He always does. Question is, is it a good one? He's now behind Taz, who's actually distracted by Slyvester. Looks like Daffy took that into account, otherwise even he wouldn't be this crazy. He pounces, and now has an arm around Taz's neck, and Taz is fighting to get out."
"Sylvester jumped at the same time, and between them they have Taz in trouble. He's gong into a spin to shake them off, but he's wasting a lot of air. Too much it seems as Taz just floats motionless."
"And the vital monitors confirmed that Taz did indeed drown, so we're quickly down to 4 competitors. Bugs and Lola look like they've decided to go after Sly and Daffy, who've both just taken a breath. This is boiling down to a very interesting match, folks. Robert?"
"Agreed. I thought it would be everyone for themselves, but it seems that we're left almost with a tag team match. For now at any rate. The rabbits aren't able to stop the breaths, so they pull back and take their own. We're in a waiting match here."
(A few minutes passes, all of them taking breaths as needed)
"I freely admit, I don't like it, as a fan, when it boils down to waiting. It gets utterly boring to watch, but our enjoyment isn't a priority for them, which we also have to remember. Robert?"
"Absolutely. They all know the first move may be their last mistake. And looks like Sylvester's making it! He's charging full speed at Lola!"
"It looks like Bugs is moving into position for a trap. Ooh, wait a minute... Daffy is silently moving, and is looking to get behind Bugs, while he's distracted with trapping Sly with Lola. It looks like he was planning for this. I'm really impressed. Ahh, the rabbits have got Sly in a pronged attack, but Sly is fighting hard to try to stay alive... and unbeknownest to Bugs, Daffy is now behind him!"
"Lola tries to signal Bugs, but it's too late, and Bugs is the one who ends up getting sandwiched. He's trying to get up to the surface before they can get him, but Daffy snagged one of those oversize feet and dragged him back down. And then there were three..."
"And the kitty and duck waste no time in sandwiching Lola, and they basically dispose of her in the same way. Just that quick, everyone, we're down to two competitors! I kinda expected Daffy to be here, but certainly not Slyvester... Sly has stopped for a moment to rest, folks, and this gives Daffy the time needed to get behind without getting seen. Why is he taking off his diaper...?"
"Umm, did anyone change Daffy's diaper before they went in? I hope so, for Sylvester's sake."
"Aw, damn... Daffy just wrapped his diaper around Sly's face! And I don't think he was changed. He's covered Sly's face REAL good, right from the nose part of the mask down. Sly's eyes are telling the story, guys."
"They're frozen in fear and disgust, and that's the last expression he'll have in this fight as he goes down quickly. But then, no one here could survive that for long. Daffy's our winner, which isn't a surprise really. Got the time, Trevor?"
"5:43. REALLY short for this type of match. Would SOMEBODY tell Daffy this match his over?! He's still got the move locked in, and going nuts with it! Oh, oh, out of time! We gotta go, good night!"