Substitute Teacher
Disclaimer: Go to chapter 1 or 2. Oh! I don't own Lupin the lll
Authors note: This fic was inspired by the great Lady Rathe author of "The Forbidden Florist". Which is another very funny fic that I recommend to all. (Oh! And imagine that you are listening to the book on tape version of Mars Is Bright Tonight, being read by the guy who reads the book on tape version of Harry Potter. It is very funny to think about)(Oh! This fic has a lot of Oh!'s and Ah!'s or any thing that ends in an !.
Creature: ... and further more if The Great Qwerty dose not get at least 10 reviews from 10 different people there will be no chapter 11. just think if everyone just reviewed after reading, we would get a lot more chapters in, if this request is not maid you will all get up one morning, look in the mirror, and find out that you are old and wrinkly. HA HA!!!
Harry woke up in his bed one day early in his third year as if time has skipped his second all together. It was just sun rise now and Harry looked out of the boy's dormitory window out to the hut of Hagrid. Hagrid was just standing there enjoying the morning. Suddenly Hagrid turned around with a jolt and saw a pack of red chickens rampaging toward him. Hagrid soon was running very fast in a large circle.
Hagrid: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! Their after my light switch sugar candies AHHHHHHHHHH!!
A chicken soon caught up with Hagrid and jumped on his head and pecked at his head. Hagrid's head hair, which soon bursted into flame, and all the chickens disappeared.
Hagrid: NOOOOOOOOOO! Not my beautiful hair, that's where the knoms live.
Hagrid did a stop drop and roll move on the ground and his hair was put out and Hagrid just laid there unmovingly.
Harry smiled and went back to bed thinking happy thoughts. until one thought crossed his mind.. Harry woke with a start.
Harry: (whispered) no.
Harry: (thinking) this can't be, the creature has come back after so long.. why did he just not go away??
Harry: Are you scared too, Joe? Joe(limp on the floor by the bed) ... Harry: yeah me too.. No for the last time NO!!....(looks at Joe in a sad face) I'm sorry just don't be so socky like that it is creepy sometimes.
Harry gets up out of bed and gets dressed, and walks down to the common room to find Ron watching T.V.
Harry: So you finally convinced the T.V. that it can work without electricity.
Ron: Shhhhh! (Points at the T.V.)((Ron's favorite show(((Blue's Clues))) is on))
Steve: Ok so what does Blue want to do with a golf ball.a pool full of pudding.and a tree.hmmm. Oh Oh! Maaaabbeeey he wants to knock me out with a golf ball, throw me into the pool of pudding, unconscious, and tie me to. a .tree.. Okaaay.. (sees Blue with a golf ball) H.H..ey Bu.bu.. Blue
Blue: woof
Hermione: Hey electronics don't work here ( tv turns off)
Ron: Hey.( to the T.V.) she was just kidding play back my show.
T.V. turns on.
Blue: (Deep voice) Tune in tomorrow, when I get a new host and he has to find 4 clues BWAHAHAHAHAHA.
Hermione throws the T.V. out the window.
Hermione: That stuff is poison to the brain
Ron: Yeah a guess your right (puts down the golf ball)
Harry: Guys I think the Creature is back in action
Ron: No way! He's been gone for ages.
Hermione: and what proof do you have?
Harry: well first. well. Look outside to the hut of Hagrid!
They all look out the window and see Hagrid on the ground, still.
Harry: He was attacked by a pack of chickens this morning. and chickens are his best friends.
Ron: That IS odd
Harry: I have something else (sniffs the air) do you smell that??
They all smell
Hermione: Yeah, smells like.. like .. Tomatoes??
Harry: Yes, he put a curse on my hands and whenever he is near, my hands smell like the forsaken fruit of the Yeti.
Ron: Well what he does will come, what can you do?
Harry: (Yelling or screaming or shrieking what ever you like) HOW CAN YOU BE SO CALM? HE'S NEVER POKED YOU IN THE FORHEAD!!
Hermione( pats Harry on the shoulder) its ok
Harry: (sobbing, fetal position) poking and poking.so.unevenly passed.
Ron: Well I'm famished lets go down to the gully and get some grub.
Harry:(still sobbing) Ok.
Well they all made their way down the many halls but Harry and Hermione had to walk slowly by the fact that Ron was doing back flips all the way down the hall. So they walked slow so he could Ketchup. They soon had to stop as Lupin was running down the hall.
Lupin: (breathing hard) 'Ello you three A loud mass of feet is heard with, squeaky shoes, followed by a quire of girls with high pitched voice.
Quire: (Singing) There you are Lupin!
Lupin: Anyway! I need to see you in my office.
Suddenly a Detective with black hair and a kaki hat and trench coat appears.. holding hand cuffs.
Detective: I have you know Lupin!
Lupin: Oh, Karaoke! He found me.. this way Harry! (Grabs Harry's wrist)
Quire :(Singing) LUPIN THE THHHIIIIRRRRRD
Lupin opened a door and locked it. It appeared to be a little small old broom closet.
Harry: just a little small.
Lupin: and old..
Harry: Hey this isn't your office!
Lupin: (feeling the walls with his hands) yes, I know, this is the secret entrance. Ah! Here it is. ( Lupin now holding the door knob that he just locked)
Harry: That's the door we just came from.
Lupin: Really.. it doesn't look like it . (opens door)
The Detective, the quire and a lion are all outside the door that leads to the same hallway they were just in, luckily none of them noticed Harry or Lupin. Lupin closed the door slowly.
Lupin: ok so maybe I'm not Willy Wonka but I know there is another entrance around Oh! Looks like we don't need to search.
Harry looked and saw the room that they were now in was Lupin's Office.
Harry: But.. but how ( looks back at door and looks around office) did you do that ??
Lupin: Never mind that I have something more important. Sit down please.
Harry sits in the worlds most uncomfortable wooden chair. Lupin has tea for both of them and is grading papers.......Harry sits there and Lupin says nothing and grades the papers.
Lupin:(suddenly and very fast) Snape is a Vampire!!
Harry: (not listening) What??
Lupin: Take another nap sire.
Harry: did you just call me Sire??
Lupin: No, I was talking to him( points to corner in room)
Nothing in corner
Harry: Who's there, there is no one there, none of which is who is there, there is none of which that is who is among that there. (say that 5 times fast)
Lupin: (insane look) Darn! You just missed him, It was King Whizzleburry the Third.
Harry: King Whizzleburry??
Lupin: (Nodding) yeah he's a Porcupine.
Harry: Yeeeaaaah.. (gets out of his chair slowly)
Lupin takes his arm and clears the desk of the tea and papers and ink, which fly everywhere.
Lupin: (hands in air, crazy face) BWAH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Lupin licks the desk and slaps his head on the desk and is asleep.
Harry backs away slowly and leaves. Harry is briskly walking down the hall when he slamps into Snape.
Snape: OW! POTTER Why did you Slamp into Me?
Harry: I am so not.. I mean.. Sooo sooorrrry about that.
Snape: My poor Kankle.
Suddenly Ron and Hermione come back, to find Harry.
Ron: (sees Snape) AHHHHHHH!
Back in Lupin's office. Lupin wakes up with a start.
Lupin: "Snape Senses" tingling!!
Lupin runs to where Ron is still screaming like a girl.
Lupin: TIME-FREEZE-OHSA
Time freezes all around.
Lupin: SNAPE!!
Snape: LUIPN!!
Lupin: SNAPE!!
Snape: LUPIN!!
Lupin: VAMPIRE!!
Snape: WEREWOLF!
Lupin: Are there Pig fish that fly in the ground that have no teeth
Snape:. I don't know? Are there
Lupin: Yes. I think.. Snape: Now that we have caught up with each other. Have you got the formula??
Lupin: UNFREEZZ-TIME-ULATE
Time unfreezes
Lupin: not now.
A bird flies by.
Snape: fine but you will pay.
Ron: For what??
Lupin: Nothing (voice cracks), now. Snnnnape just the person I was looking for. (Lupin now hopeing Harry and the others didn't suspect anything) Yes, what have you been doing for Defense of the Dark Arts class for me.
Snape: Oh! We are doing WEREWOLVES.(strong British accent here) Yes I much rather have the students know the wicket, about how to detect them and what they look like.
Lupin:( nervous) Really. (plotting revenge) Well, I just might let the students have a unit on VAMPIRES, so they can detect them too.
Snape: Great.. Yup. ok I'm off.
Snape runs down the hall
Lupin smiles Lupin: Now off you go. Lupin waves his wand and the kids disappear Lupin: WOW! 4 Lupins in a row.
Harry, Hermione and Ron are now sitting together in the great hall at their table. Ron takes a whole plate of chicken legs and wings.
Hermione screams: AHH! It is the one and only Sirius Black!
Sure enough Sirius Black is sitting across from the Thrice Trio of friends.
Sirius: Yo!
Harry doesn't flinch at all, but he dose wave and continues eating.
Hermione: DON"T YOU CARE THAT THE FAMOUS KILLER IS SITTING RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU??
Harry: No, he's innocent
Ron: no one notices me.
Hermione: (can't hear Ron) Proof??
Harry shows Hermione last few chapters of Harry Potter #3
Ron: hello I'm right here
Hermione: (not even barely hearing Ron but still reading) Oh!
Sirius: I'm off..(looks at Dean) Take this note it will be helpful after the stroke of bad luck you will have today.
Ron: (crying) I am alone.
Sirius goes down a trap door.
Fred:(yelling) Mail's George: (yelling) Here
Hedwig flies down to Harry and gives him nothing
Harry: that's it you just fly down here and eat my bacon??
Hedwig: Hoot
Harry: Your boring!
Cho: Oh! Harry what a caauute bird
Harry: (mumbling to Hedwig) Thanks
Hedwig: Hoot
Cho: And he has the Caauutest 'hoot', the owl makes the. AHH!
From no where a 10 foot long, turquoise snake falls from the sky and eats Hedwig at the speed of sound.
Harry:(shocked) HEDWIG!!..??...!! ( Looks at Cho)..sooo..
Cho: (smiles weakly, Looks around fast) Oh! Wow! What a caaaute owl, Cedric.
Harry: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (hands in air)
Harry looks at snake
Harry: YOU!! (gets out spoon)
Snake: Hey stop!
Harry: Why should I, you ate. Hedwig.. Who's going to take my mail??
Snake: I can, watch.( sprouts wings) I can fly
Ron: you can fly
Hermione: He can Fly
All: (Singing) YOU CAN FLY, YOU CAN FLY, YOU CAN FLY!!
Harry: Well ok, can I name you?
Snake: no, my name is Phishe ( Pronounced Fish)
Harry: fine just take this letter. the Hagrid Phishe
Phishe: Ok (Eats letter) Don't worry I'll give it to Hagrid. (steals the rest of Harry's Bacon)
Harry: Hey!
Ron: just look at the 2 bright sides, you can talk to your mail carrier and the plot is going to start for the chapter.
Dumbledore: May I have your attention?? (Ron: Undivided and Unprovided) Now I would like to introduce the new substitute teacher ,if he is needed,. Creature.
The great hall doors open and Creature appears with 'Faithful Dobby' on his shoulder.
Everyone in the hall looks at him as he approaches the teacher's table in Matrix slow-motion. Dobby runs of, looking at Deans feet oddly.
Creature approaches Dumbledore Slllooowwwly
Dumbledore puts up his hand
Dumbledore: Sup' Dog
C.: Yo!
Dumbledore: Any-who if any teacher has an.. Accident .(looks at C.) Creature can take over as teacher, and I gave him the right to give and take house points as he pleases. Creature would you like to say a word?
C. nods and walks to the podium
C.: A Word...
Dumbledore: BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA THAT WAS SOOO FUNNY!! I ASKED IF HE WANTED TO SAY 'A WORD' AND HE DID BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.. heh heh . yeah ( everyone stares at Dumbledore with wide eyes)
C.: But seriously folks I would like to say, Biochemical photosynthesis, and that I would like to make today the most annoying day yet for Harry and whoever is in his class.
Points at Harry and he shots a green beam at him and he grow up 3 feet so he can be seen by all.
C.: and 50 points from Hufflepuff. Cause I can.
Dumbledore claps
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McGonagall was passing out schedules. Harry looks at his.
Care of Magical Creatures. With Slytherin Transfiguration. With Hufflepuff Lunch. ( if you survive)((Harry gulped)) Potions. With a spoon Defense of the Dark Arts. With an extra seat and no shoe
Harry: Professor?
McG.: What!
Harry: you won't get in an. accident. will you??
McG.: (still walking) Of course not I have a anti-accident cream on my face.
Ron: (mumbling) Not working to well is it.
McG.: No
Ron: What??
McGon. Still walking and looking at Harry slips on a (mysteriously placed) banana peel.
Dumbledore: oh my. ( now talking to the students) Good News Everyone Creature has his first job.
Harry: crud
Creature: (eating a banana) mmmmm.. good.
Down at the hut of Hagrid for CareOfMagicalCeatures Hagrid still on the ground.
Harry: Hagrid are you OK??|
Hagrid: (sobbing) Oh! I'm just fine just had bad luck with people and chickens I thought that were my friends.. I mean, I trusted the chickens and they turn on me.
Harry: Yeah, Get up so you can teach. because if you don't, well a bad teacher will teach.
Hagrid: (angry)((still on ground)) You'd like that, wouldn't you, well guess what, I got your LETTER!( holds up letter, (still on ground) ) And you know what else, That .thing .was not Hedwig I bought you last last year.
Harry: Well Hedwig was eaten by a..
HAGRID: EATEN!! THAT MAIL BIRD COST ME 8,000,000 Galleons, AND THAT'S WHY I LIVE IN THIS BLASTED HUT...OF HAGRID.
Harry: well I'm.
HAGRID: SHUTUP YOU UNGRATFUL WORM, I AM IN NO PHYSICAL OR EMOTIONAL STATE TO TEACH!! (rolls down the hill and hits a tree)OW!!
Creature appears with a POP
C.: HEllO
Harry: NOOOOOOO!! ( runs and hits an invisible wall) NO Way out (feels the wall)
C.: come class we haven't much time. Now stand in an orderly fashion, good now what is this animal. (Pulls of a sheet to cage to show a Niffler.)
Hermione: that is a Niffler
C.: good 10 point from Gryffindor!!
Hermione: what??
C.: Ten points from Gryffindor!!
Hermione: But I got the answer to your question right.
C.: yes, I know that.
Hermione: But I never lose points. Neeeevveerrr..
C.: I doooonnnn''''ttttt caarrrree.. now what dose a Niffler do on habbit
No one answers
C.: Well since Hermy knows, but is not saying anything due to the fear of losing points. 20 points from Gryffindor.
Hermione: WHAT!!
C.: Either you answer and lose 10 points or you don't and you lose 20 points.. your choice. (evil grin)
Hermione: The Niffler grabs and steals anything gold or shiny.
C.: Quite right 10 points from Gryffindor and 50 to Slytherin
Malfoy: WOoOoOoOo
C.: Now for the activity, first all of the green dudes grab a Niffler out of this box (box is there somewhere) As for the Gryffindors. (holds up 50 gold paint buckets with Special Magic) Green dudes throw your Niffty Niffler at a red dude when they turn gold.
Slytherin all smile
Harry: Ruuunnnn!!!
Ron turns into a red rabbit
Harry sees Ron. And a voice comes in his head
Voice: You.. FOLLOW THE RED RABBIT!
Ron runs around and Harry follows as paint buckets are flying around making people gold. It is Pandemonium out there. Seamus runs by Harry.
Seamus: (breathing hard) I don't know how much more I can take of this running. If I weren't so dang fat..( paint can comes strait for Harry)
Seamus: (slow motion) NOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooOOOooOoOOo ( jumps in front of Harry, in turn, getting goldafied). Run you fool.
Harry: due to your immense thyroid disposition I am gold paint free.
Malfoy: Look there's one (throws a Niffler on Seamus and he is dragged away off to a distant hole the ground which is a rip to another universe.)
Harry: this is stupid (pulls out wand) THORWSOMEPAINTONCREATURE-ULATE- OHSA!!
Creature gets hit with a paint bucket and all the carnage (one bucket still hits Timmy McFureson) stops to look at Creature. All the Nifflers jump to get Creature, but he stops them with one hand that makes a shield of gold.
BRRRRRIIIINNNNNGGGGGG (bell rings to end classes)
All gold paint(that wasn't on the students) disappeared and so did the Nifflers.
C.: Now homework I need a 18 scroll essay on what you learned today.
On the way to Transfiguration.
Hermione: No one messes with the Brain. Oh, He'll pay (goes off to the Library)
Ron: So what happened to the people after the Niffler battle?
Hairy: well I don't know where the Nifflers took them but I know where they aren't.. the Universe.(Ron gives him a weird look) Now only the strong will survive today, so that leaves us with you, me, Dean, Joe the sock puppet, Jim, Larry, and some fat guy.
Ron: But we don't know any Jim, Larry, or fat guy.
Harry: What is Dean doing now.
Dean is looking at a corner in the hall. It was always a normal corner but now it was dark and creepy, you couldn't even see into the 90 degree angel.
Harry: DEAN YOU FOOL DON'T GO TOWARDS THE DARK
Dean: Wha.AAAAAAAHH!! (Dean gets pulled into the dark corner and gets spit out)
Dean is shocked Dean:(Crying) It took my socks, my wonderful blue socks
Ron: what bad luck
Dean: Oh! The note Sirius gave to me at food time, it will give me light (gets note)
On note WARNING: Your socks will be stolen before the end of the day!
Dean: How dose this help, maybe I should have read this before my bad luck!
Evil laughter comes from the dark corner.
Harry: alright come out now don't make me use.. this ( pulls out cherry)
Out of the corner comes the evil doer of all that is sock
Harry: Dobby??
Dobby was in a trench coat made of socks.
Dobby: yessss. You portentous peripheral, it is I Dobby, and I is free to get what he want. And right now Dobby wants socks. (Dobby snaps fingers)
Out of the corner zips by a brightly colored thing and knocks Ron down, it was Winky minion of Dobby and Dobby steals his socks at Mock 5
Winky: is proud to speak in the third person and help Dobby.
Ron: O
Harry: O.. but you were so nice
Dobby: you Next
Harry: Ha! I am ready you won't surprise me (holds out cherry)
Dobby: We shall see (SNAP)
Out of the corner comes another thing that is brown and beams Harry
Harry: O
Dobby: Thank you Kreature
Kreature: Iglebarf-a-nugan
Dobby steals Harry's socks and Joe the Puppet Sock
Harry: (weakly) no
Dobby and his minions disappear.
In about 10 min. they all regain consciousness. And get to Transfiguration.
In Transfiguration...
C.: Your late..
Harry: Sorry mixup in the hallway Dobby attacked us and stole our socks.
C.: Like I haven't heard that one before. SIT DOWN.. 50 point to Hufflepuff
Huffs smile
C.: But in the recent events of these 3, 100 points from Hufflepuffs
Huffs get evil grin stare at Harry, Ron, and Dean
Huff 1: Proffesor what is your name so I can tell my mum and dad
C.: It is .(Harry listening hard). none other than.( Harry leaning forward on his desk).. None of your business ( Harry frowns)
Now on with the lesson..
Down at the Great hall for lunch.
The only 3 third years at the table were Ron, Harry and Hermione.
Ron and Harry did not look good at all their faces were white and their hair was frizzy
Hermione: Whats up with you
Harry: If only you knew of.. Ron: the mayhem that insued in that class Harry:...if only you knew.
Hermione: gets back to reading 'Hogwarts A History'
Ron gets to eating his Chicken wings. Harry looks at the House points score hour glasses
Harry: Wow that's the biggest negative number I have ever seen, poor Huffs.
Harry: what in the world are you reading.
Hermione: Look we all know I read all of this book a Zillinon times but I want to see if there is any info on the Creature.
Harry: we don't even know his name.
Hermione: We need a better book (slamps closes the book) we need to go to the Restricted Section!!
Everyone in the Great Hall: The Restricted Section!!! (lightning thunder) AHHHHHH!!
Ron: we shouldn't go in there. did you see the lightning (wide eyes) Well I did.
Harry: there is always a book there
Hermione: yes that is why you must go there some time before chapter 5 and get me a book.
Harry: Why me
Hermione: you got that cloak thing
Harry: Right.
Flitwick walks by and gets hit by Winky and Dobby comes and gets the socks.
Dobby: HAHAHA The Jackpot, 4 socks. (and Disappears)
In Potions class...
Harry: please let him be here.. Please let him be here
Ron: you actually want Snape to be here
Harry: Yes, Strangely enough,.. yes.
Suddenly the dungeon door swings open and no one walks through it for 5 min. then Snape walks in.
Snape: There will be no foolish wand waving, wooshing, or throwing in this class, as such I don't aspect anyone normal to like this class.
Spoon: I like this class..
Snape: Shut up
Creature walks in
C.: 'Ello
Snape: We have no need for the likes of you.
C.: Oh! I am just here to watch.
Snape: I don't like people watching my...class...
C.: And I don't like vampires.
Long silence (Snape gets sweaty)
Ron:(yelling) AND I DON'T LIKE THINGS THAT GO WEEEOOO! WEEOOOO! (flaps his arms)
All stare at Ron even Mr.Wizzleburry the Third!!
Snape: Well..ok then (runs out the door)
C.: looks like I shall be needed to sub in this class
Snape returns
Snape: I needed this (holds up a turtle) for the new potion today, the potion is the Algebra Potion!
All: Algebra Potion?
Snape: yes, the potion that helps you understand a dead wizard language that muggles try to decipher.
C.: yes. but why make it?
Snape: to help the.to..umm.(scratches head) I don't know.
C. walks around the room looking at all the cool stuff in the room
Snape: now put your Gray Bug Scabs into the mixture of Sardine Teeth and (SMASH!)
Snape slowly turns his head with a face of pure controlled anger.
C. is standing over a bunch of broken glass with a fish flopping on the ground.
C.:..sorry must have slipped (smiles)
Snape: (holding back the rage) O-O-Ok.(turns to class) once you do that get out your turtle (BREAK!) WOULD YOU STOP THAT!!
C.: Sorry, sorry (sits on a random warm air pocket)
Snape: (really Really Mad) do not eat the turtle for it will.
C.: (pouring a strange bottle of Greece on Snape's head) (singing) 1 bottle of Greece of in your hair ONE BOTTLE OF GREECE! TAKE ONE DOWN PASS IT AROUND.. (gets another bottle)2 BOTTLES OF GREECE IN YOUR HAIR (Snape is Crying with his head on his desk)
Many hours later...
C.:99 BOTTLES OF GREECE IN YOUR HAAAAAAAAIIIIIIRRRRRRRR.
Snape: (head drowned in Greece) Class dismissed..
All the stundents slip and slide their way out of the class room due to all the Greece.
Harry: that was slightly enjoyable.
Ron: Creature must've been bored of annoying you.
C.: No I was just board.
Harry: Hey there are 3 chickens in the back yard.
C.: WHERE?? (looks away) Harry runs.
C.: (looks at your screen) One more class to go BWAHAHAHA!!
In Defense of dark arts.
Lupin: 'Ello everyone
All: 'Ello LUPIN!!
Lupin: Today we are learning about only the most interesting thing in wizard Dark Arts History! (students on the edge of their seat) the one, the only, the wonderfully supercalafragalisticxpealadotios...(falls asleep)and falls in the corner.
C. appears from no where
Ron: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
C.: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
ALL:AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Harry: (whispering so only Ron can hear) this can't be good, he IS the dark arts, why would he teach us how to defend from him?
C.: Your right Harry this can't be good
Harry: .Hey! I thought only Ron could hear that thing I just said. C.: No! reread it
Harry: (rereads) but, it doesn't say anything that says you can hear.
C.: So, any who,
Harry: Hey!
C.: (ignoring Harry) I wanted a special guest with me today. meet Lord Voldemort
Voldemort appears out of thick air
C.: now class... Defend (smiles)
Voldemort grows an evil smile
Harry: this can't be good (gets out wand)
Voldemort cracks his neck
Harry: I'm scared
Voldemort cracks his knuckles
Harry: I want my Mummy
Ron: me too
Voldemort cracks his toes
Harry in fetal position sucking thumb
Voldemort cracks his own wand.. he looks down, gets a really sad face, then looks up at creature with a weak scared grin.
C.: Your pathetic..
Makes Voldi disappear in to mildly thin air
C.: well that was stupid and disgusting. BRING IN THE BREAK DANCING DEMENTORS!
The whole room gets depressed as 5 Dementors dance their way to the front.
Dementor 1: So a ghoul a ghost and a hag go into a bar and .(notices all the people but C. are totally depressed and knocked out) this place stinks ( all the dementors break dance their way out the door)
C.: well. now what
Harry: let us go??
C.: NO!
Harry: @ @
O
For the rest of the class Harry had to find a needle in a hay stack. how annoying
At the Great Hall!
All the Gryffindors are still gone but Harry and Ron, but then with a POP and a WOOSH all of them returned and stole all the chicken wings from Ron
Ron: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Dumbledore: and so we end another.normal.day..yeah.. with the house points standing at Slytherin 5,000,000 points and all the other classes' points resemble a black hole. And Creature.
C.: yes
DumbleBee: your fired
C.: what!
DumbleButt: Butt you are still aloud to hang with the rest of the school HomiG's
C.: Word.
Harry: (Yelling) BUT WHAT IS YOUR NAME CREATURE???
C.: DETENTION!! I TOLD YOU NEVER TO ASK THAT AGAIN SO I WILL GET YOU WHEN I FIND OUT WHAT TO DO WITH YOU!!
Harry: O
Tune in next time for.. Chapter 4 Detention!!
Disclaimer: Go to chapter 1 or 2. Oh! I don't own Lupin the lll
Authors note: This fic was inspired by the great Lady Rathe author of "The Forbidden Florist". Which is another very funny fic that I recommend to all. (Oh! And imagine that you are listening to the book on tape version of Mars Is Bright Tonight, being read by the guy who reads the book on tape version of Harry Potter. It is very funny to think about)(Oh! This fic has a lot of Oh!'s and Ah!'s or any thing that ends in an !.
Creature: ... and further more if The Great Qwerty dose not get at least 10 reviews from 10 different people there will be no chapter 11. just think if everyone just reviewed after reading, we would get a lot more chapters in, if this request is not maid you will all get up one morning, look in the mirror, and find out that you are old and wrinkly. HA HA!!!
Harry woke up in his bed one day early in his third year as if time has skipped his second all together. It was just sun rise now and Harry looked out of the boy's dormitory window out to the hut of Hagrid. Hagrid was just standing there enjoying the morning. Suddenly Hagrid turned around with a jolt and saw a pack of red chickens rampaging toward him. Hagrid soon was running very fast in a large circle.
Hagrid: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! Their after my light switch sugar candies AHHHHHHHHHH!!
A chicken soon caught up with Hagrid and jumped on his head and pecked at his head. Hagrid's head hair, which soon bursted into flame, and all the chickens disappeared.
Hagrid: NOOOOOOOOOO! Not my beautiful hair, that's where the knoms live.
Hagrid did a stop drop and roll move on the ground and his hair was put out and Hagrid just laid there unmovingly.
Harry smiled and went back to bed thinking happy thoughts. until one thought crossed his mind.. Harry woke with a start.
Harry: (whispered) no.
Harry: (thinking) this can't be, the creature has come back after so long.. why did he just not go away??
Harry: Are you scared too, Joe? Joe(limp on the floor by the bed) ... Harry: yeah me too.. No for the last time NO!!....(looks at Joe in a sad face) I'm sorry just don't be so socky like that it is creepy sometimes.
Harry gets up out of bed and gets dressed, and walks down to the common room to find Ron watching T.V.
Harry: So you finally convinced the T.V. that it can work without electricity.
Ron: Shhhhh! (Points at the T.V.)((Ron's favorite show(((Blue's Clues))) is on))
Steve: Ok so what does Blue want to do with a golf ball.a pool full of pudding.and a tree.hmmm. Oh Oh! Maaaabbeeey he wants to knock me out with a golf ball, throw me into the pool of pudding, unconscious, and tie me to. a .tree.. Okaaay.. (sees Blue with a golf ball) H.H..ey Bu.bu.. Blue
Blue: woof
Hermione: Hey electronics don't work here ( tv turns off)
Ron: Hey.( to the T.V.) she was just kidding play back my show.
T.V. turns on.
Blue: (Deep voice) Tune in tomorrow, when I get a new host and he has to find 4 clues BWAHAHAHAHAHA.
Hermione throws the T.V. out the window.
Hermione: That stuff is poison to the brain
Ron: Yeah a guess your right (puts down the golf ball)
Harry: Guys I think the Creature is back in action
Ron: No way! He's been gone for ages.
Hermione: and what proof do you have?
Harry: well first. well. Look outside to the hut of Hagrid!
They all look out the window and see Hagrid on the ground, still.
Harry: He was attacked by a pack of chickens this morning. and chickens are his best friends.
Ron: That IS odd
Harry: I have something else (sniffs the air) do you smell that??
They all smell
Hermione: Yeah, smells like.. like .. Tomatoes??
Harry: Yes, he put a curse on my hands and whenever he is near, my hands smell like the forsaken fruit of the Yeti.
Ron: Well what he does will come, what can you do?
Harry: (Yelling or screaming or shrieking what ever you like) HOW CAN YOU BE SO CALM? HE'S NEVER POKED YOU IN THE FORHEAD!!
Hermione( pats Harry on the shoulder) its ok
Harry: (sobbing, fetal position) poking and poking.so.unevenly passed.
Ron: Well I'm famished lets go down to the gully and get some grub.
Harry:(still sobbing) Ok.
Well they all made their way down the many halls but Harry and Hermione had to walk slowly by the fact that Ron was doing back flips all the way down the hall. So they walked slow so he could Ketchup. They soon had to stop as Lupin was running down the hall.
Lupin: (breathing hard) 'Ello you three A loud mass of feet is heard with, squeaky shoes, followed by a quire of girls with high pitched voice.
Quire: (Singing) There you are Lupin!
Lupin: Anyway! I need to see you in my office.
Suddenly a Detective with black hair and a kaki hat and trench coat appears.. holding hand cuffs.
Detective: I have you know Lupin!
Lupin: Oh, Karaoke! He found me.. this way Harry! (Grabs Harry's wrist)
Quire :(Singing) LUPIN THE THHHIIIIRRRRRD
Lupin opened a door and locked it. It appeared to be a little small old broom closet.
Harry: just a little small.
Lupin: and old..
Harry: Hey this isn't your office!
Lupin: (feeling the walls with his hands) yes, I know, this is the secret entrance. Ah! Here it is. ( Lupin now holding the door knob that he just locked)
Harry: That's the door we just came from.
Lupin: Really.. it doesn't look like it . (opens door)
The Detective, the quire and a lion are all outside the door that leads to the same hallway they were just in, luckily none of them noticed Harry or Lupin. Lupin closed the door slowly.
Lupin: ok so maybe I'm not Willy Wonka but I know there is another entrance around Oh! Looks like we don't need to search.
Harry looked and saw the room that they were now in was Lupin's Office.
Harry: But.. but how ( looks back at door and looks around office) did you do that ??
Lupin: Never mind that I have something more important. Sit down please.
Harry sits in the worlds most uncomfortable wooden chair. Lupin has tea for both of them and is grading papers.......Harry sits there and Lupin says nothing and grades the papers.
Lupin:(suddenly and very fast) Snape is a Vampire!!
Harry: (not listening) What??
Lupin: Take another nap sire.
Harry: did you just call me Sire??
Lupin: No, I was talking to him( points to corner in room)
Nothing in corner
Harry: Who's there, there is no one there, none of which is who is there, there is none of which that is who is among that there. (say that 5 times fast)
Lupin: (insane look) Darn! You just missed him, It was King Whizzleburry the Third.
Harry: King Whizzleburry??
Lupin: (Nodding) yeah he's a Porcupine.
Harry: Yeeeaaaah.. (gets out of his chair slowly)
Lupin takes his arm and clears the desk of the tea and papers and ink, which fly everywhere.
Lupin: (hands in air, crazy face) BWAH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Lupin licks the desk and slaps his head on the desk and is asleep.
Harry backs away slowly and leaves. Harry is briskly walking down the hall when he slamps into Snape.
Snape: OW! POTTER Why did you Slamp into Me?
Harry: I am so not.. I mean.. Sooo sooorrrry about that.
Snape: My poor Kankle.
Suddenly Ron and Hermione come back, to find Harry.
Ron: (sees Snape) AHHHHHHH!
Back in Lupin's office. Lupin wakes up with a start.
Lupin: "Snape Senses" tingling!!
Lupin runs to where Ron is still screaming like a girl.
Lupin: TIME-FREEZE-OHSA
Time freezes all around.
Lupin: SNAPE!!
Snape: LUIPN!!
Lupin: SNAPE!!
Snape: LUPIN!!
Lupin: VAMPIRE!!
Snape: WEREWOLF!
Lupin: Are there Pig fish that fly in the ground that have no teeth
Snape:. I don't know? Are there
Lupin: Yes. I think.. Snape: Now that we have caught up with each other. Have you got the formula??
Lupin: UNFREEZZ-TIME-ULATE
Time unfreezes
Lupin: not now.
A bird flies by.
Snape: fine but you will pay.
Ron: For what??
Lupin: Nothing (voice cracks), now. Snnnnape just the person I was looking for. (Lupin now hopeing Harry and the others didn't suspect anything) Yes, what have you been doing for Defense of the Dark Arts class for me.
Snape: Oh! We are doing WEREWOLVES.(strong British accent here) Yes I much rather have the students know the wicket, about how to detect them and what they look like.
Lupin:( nervous) Really. (plotting revenge) Well, I just might let the students have a unit on VAMPIRES, so they can detect them too.
Snape: Great.. Yup. ok I'm off.
Snape runs down the hall
Lupin smiles Lupin: Now off you go. Lupin waves his wand and the kids disappear Lupin: WOW! 4 Lupins in a row.
Harry, Hermione and Ron are now sitting together in the great hall at their table. Ron takes a whole plate of chicken legs and wings.
Hermione screams: AHH! It is the one and only Sirius Black!
Sure enough Sirius Black is sitting across from the Thrice Trio of friends.
Sirius: Yo!
Harry doesn't flinch at all, but he dose wave and continues eating.
Hermione: DON"T YOU CARE THAT THE FAMOUS KILLER IS SITTING RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU??
Harry: No, he's innocent
Ron: no one notices me.
Hermione: (can't hear Ron) Proof??
Harry shows Hermione last few chapters of Harry Potter #3
Ron: hello I'm right here
Hermione: (not even barely hearing Ron but still reading) Oh!
Sirius: I'm off..(looks at Dean) Take this note it will be helpful after the stroke of bad luck you will have today.
Ron: (crying) I am alone.
Sirius goes down a trap door.
Fred:(yelling) Mail's George: (yelling) Here
Hedwig flies down to Harry and gives him nothing
Harry: that's it you just fly down here and eat my bacon??
Hedwig: Hoot
Harry: Your boring!
Cho: Oh! Harry what a caauute bird
Harry: (mumbling to Hedwig) Thanks
Hedwig: Hoot
Cho: And he has the Caauutest 'hoot', the owl makes the. AHH!
From no where a 10 foot long, turquoise snake falls from the sky and eats Hedwig at the speed of sound.
Harry:(shocked) HEDWIG!!..??...!! ( Looks at Cho)..sooo..
Cho: (smiles weakly, Looks around fast) Oh! Wow! What a caaaute owl, Cedric.
Harry: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (hands in air)
Harry looks at snake
Harry: YOU!! (gets out spoon)
Snake: Hey stop!
Harry: Why should I, you ate. Hedwig.. Who's going to take my mail??
Snake: I can, watch.( sprouts wings) I can fly
Ron: you can fly
Hermione: He can Fly
All: (Singing) YOU CAN FLY, YOU CAN FLY, YOU CAN FLY!!
Harry: Well ok, can I name you?
Snake: no, my name is Phishe ( Pronounced Fish)
Harry: fine just take this letter. the Hagrid Phishe
Phishe: Ok (Eats letter) Don't worry I'll give it to Hagrid. (steals the rest of Harry's Bacon)
Harry: Hey!
Ron: just look at the 2 bright sides, you can talk to your mail carrier and the plot is going to start for the chapter.
Dumbledore: May I have your attention?? (Ron: Undivided and Unprovided) Now I would like to introduce the new substitute teacher ,if he is needed,. Creature.
The great hall doors open and Creature appears with 'Faithful Dobby' on his shoulder.
Everyone in the hall looks at him as he approaches the teacher's table in Matrix slow-motion. Dobby runs of, looking at Deans feet oddly.
Creature approaches Dumbledore Slllooowwwly
Dumbledore puts up his hand
Dumbledore: Sup' Dog
C.: Yo!
Dumbledore: Any-who if any teacher has an.. Accident .(looks at C.) Creature can take over as teacher, and I gave him the right to give and take house points as he pleases. Creature would you like to say a word?
C. nods and walks to the podium
C.: A Word...
Dumbledore: BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA THAT WAS SOOO FUNNY!! I ASKED IF HE WANTED TO SAY 'A WORD' AND HE DID BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.. heh heh . yeah ( everyone stares at Dumbledore with wide eyes)
C.: But seriously folks I would like to say, Biochemical photosynthesis, and that I would like to make today the most annoying day yet for Harry and whoever is in his class.
Points at Harry and he shots a green beam at him and he grow up 3 feet so he can be seen by all.
C.: and 50 points from Hufflepuff. Cause I can.
Dumbledore claps
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McGonagall was passing out schedules. Harry looks at his.
Care of Magical Creatures. With Slytherin Transfiguration. With Hufflepuff Lunch. ( if you survive)((Harry gulped)) Potions. With a spoon Defense of the Dark Arts. With an extra seat and no shoe
Harry: Professor?
McG.: What!
Harry: you won't get in an. accident. will you??
McG.: (still walking) Of course not I have a anti-accident cream on my face.
Ron: (mumbling) Not working to well is it.
McG.: No
Ron: What??
McGon. Still walking and looking at Harry slips on a (mysteriously placed) banana peel.
Dumbledore: oh my. ( now talking to the students) Good News Everyone Creature has his first job.
Harry: crud
Creature: (eating a banana) mmmmm.. good.
Down at the hut of Hagrid for CareOfMagicalCeatures Hagrid still on the ground.
Harry: Hagrid are you OK??|
Hagrid: (sobbing) Oh! I'm just fine just had bad luck with people and chickens I thought that were my friends.. I mean, I trusted the chickens and they turn on me.
Harry: Yeah, Get up so you can teach. because if you don't, well a bad teacher will teach.
Hagrid: (angry)((still on ground)) You'd like that, wouldn't you, well guess what, I got your LETTER!( holds up letter, (still on ground) ) And you know what else, That .thing .was not Hedwig I bought you last last year.
Harry: Well Hedwig was eaten by a..
HAGRID: EATEN!! THAT MAIL BIRD COST ME 8,000,000 Galleons, AND THAT'S WHY I LIVE IN THIS BLASTED HUT...OF HAGRID.
Harry: well I'm.
HAGRID: SHUTUP YOU UNGRATFUL WORM, I AM IN NO PHYSICAL OR EMOTIONAL STATE TO TEACH!! (rolls down the hill and hits a tree)OW!!
Creature appears with a POP
C.: HEllO
Harry: NOOOOOOO!! ( runs and hits an invisible wall) NO Way out (feels the wall)
C.: come class we haven't much time. Now stand in an orderly fashion, good now what is this animal. (Pulls of a sheet to cage to show a Niffler.)
Hermione: that is a Niffler
C.: good 10 point from Gryffindor!!
Hermione: what??
C.: Ten points from Gryffindor!!
Hermione: But I got the answer to your question right.
C.: yes, I know that.
Hermione: But I never lose points. Neeeevveerrr..
C.: I doooonnnn''''ttttt caarrrree.. now what dose a Niffler do on habbit
No one answers
C.: Well since Hermy knows, but is not saying anything due to the fear of losing points. 20 points from Gryffindor.
Hermione: WHAT!!
C.: Either you answer and lose 10 points or you don't and you lose 20 points.. your choice. (evil grin)
Hermione: The Niffler grabs and steals anything gold or shiny.
C.: Quite right 10 points from Gryffindor and 50 to Slytherin
Malfoy: WOoOoOoOo
C.: Now for the activity, first all of the green dudes grab a Niffler out of this box (box is there somewhere) As for the Gryffindors. (holds up 50 gold paint buckets with Special Magic) Green dudes throw your Niffty Niffler at a red dude when they turn gold.
Slytherin all smile
Harry: Ruuunnnn!!!
Ron turns into a red rabbit
Harry sees Ron. And a voice comes in his head
Voice: You.. FOLLOW THE RED RABBIT!
Ron runs around and Harry follows as paint buckets are flying around making people gold. It is Pandemonium out there. Seamus runs by Harry.
Seamus: (breathing hard) I don't know how much more I can take of this running. If I weren't so dang fat..( paint can comes strait for Harry)
Seamus: (slow motion) NOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooOOOooOoOOo ( jumps in front of Harry, in turn, getting goldafied). Run you fool.
Harry: due to your immense thyroid disposition I am gold paint free.
Malfoy: Look there's one (throws a Niffler on Seamus and he is dragged away off to a distant hole the ground which is a rip to another universe.)
Harry: this is stupid (pulls out wand) THORWSOMEPAINTONCREATURE-ULATE- OHSA!!
Creature gets hit with a paint bucket and all the carnage (one bucket still hits Timmy McFureson) stops to look at Creature. All the Nifflers jump to get Creature, but he stops them with one hand that makes a shield of gold.
BRRRRRIIIINNNNNGGGGGG (bell rings to end classes)
All gold paint(that wasn't on the students) disappeared and so did the Nifflers.
C.: Now homework I need a 18 scroll essay on what you learned today.
On the way to Transfiguration.
Hermione: No one messes with the Brain. Oh, He'll pay (goes off to the Library)
Ron: So what happened to the people after the Niffler battle?
Hairy: well I don't know where the Nifflers took them but I know where they aren't.. the Universe.(Ron gives him a weird look) Now only the strong will survive today, so that leaves us with you, me, Dean, Joe the sock puppet, Jim, Larry, and some fat guy.
Ron: But we don't know any Jim, Larry, or fat guy.
Harry: What is Dean doing now.
Dean is looking at a corner in the hall. It was always a normal corner but now it was dark and creepy, you couldn't even see into the 90 degree angel.
Harry: DEAN YOU FOOL DON'T GO TOWARDS THE DARK
Dean: Wha.AAAAAAAHH!! (Dean gets pulled into the dark corner and gets spit out)
Dean is shocked Dean:(Crying) It took my socks, my wonderful blue socks
Ron: what bad luck
Dean: Oh! The note Sirius gave to me at food time, it will give me light (gets note)
On note WARNING: Your socks will be stolen before the end of the day!
Dean: How dose this help, maybe I should have read this before my bad luck!
Evil laughter comes from the dark corner.
Harry: alright come out now don't make me use.. this ( pulls out cherry)
Out of the corner comes the evil doer of all that is sock
Harry: Dobby??
Dobby was in a trench coat made of socks.
Dobby: yessss. You portentous peripheral, it is I Dobby, and I is free to get what he want. And right now Dobby wants socks. (Dobby snaps fingers)
Out of the corner zips by a brightly colored thing and knocks Ron down, it was Winky minion of Dobby and Dobby steals his socks at Mock 5
Winky: is proud to speak in the third person and help Dobby.
Ron: O
Harry: O.. but you were so nice
Dobby: you Next
Harry: Ha! I am ready you won't surprise me (holds out cherry)
Dobby: We shall see (SNAP)
Out of the corner comes another thing that is brown and beams Harry
Harry: O
Dobby: Thank you Kreature
Kreature: Iglebarf-a-nugan
Dobby steals Harry's socks and Joe the Puppet Sock
Harry: (weakly) no
Dobby and his minions disappear.
In about 10 min. they all regain consciousness. And get to Transfiguration.
In Transfiguration...
C.: Your late..
Harry: Sorry mixup in the hallway Dobby attacked us and stole our socks.
C.: Like I haven't heard that one before. SIT DOWN.. 50 point to Hufflepuff
Huffs smile
C.: But in the recent events of these 3, 100 points from Hufflepuffs
Huffs get evil grin stare at Harry, Ron, and Dean
Huff 1: Proffesor what is your name so I can tell my mum and dad
C.: It is .(Harry listening hard). none other than.( Harry leaning forward on his desk).. None of your business ( Harry frowns)
Now on with the lesson..
Down at the Great hall for lunch.
The only 3 third years at the table were Ron, Harry and Hermione.
Ron and Harry did not look good at all their faces were white and their hair was frizzy
Hermione: Whats up with you
Harry: If only you knew of.. Ron: the mayhem that insued in that class Harry:...if only you knew.
Hermione: gets back to reading 'Hogwarts A History'
Ron gets to eating his Chicken wings. Harry looks at the House points score hour glasses
Harry: Wow that's the biggest negative number I have ever seen, poor Huffs.
Harry: what in the world are you reading.
Hermione: Look we all know I read all of this book a Zillinon times but I want to see if there is any info on the Creature.
Harry: we don't even know his name.
Hermione: We need a better book (slamps closes the book) we need to go to the Restricted Section!!
Everyone in the Great Hall: The Restricted Section!!! (lightning thunder) AHHHHHH!!
Ron: we shouldn't go in there. did you see the lightning (wide eyes) Well I did.
Harry: there is always a book there
Hermione: yes that is why you must go there some time before chapter 5 and get me a book.
Harry: Why me
Hermione: you got that cloak thing
Harry: Right.
Flitwick walks by and gets hit by Winky and Dobby comes and gets the socks.
Dobby: HAHAHA The Jackpot, 4 socks. (and Disappears)
In Potions class...
Harry: please let him be here.. Please let him be here
Ron: you actually want Snape to be here
Harry: Yes, Strangely enough,.. yes.
Suddenly the dungeon door swings open and no one walks through it for 5 min. then Snape walks in.
Snape: There will be no foolish wand waving, wooshing, or throwing in this class, as such I don't aspect anyone normal to like this class.
Spoon: I like this class..
Snape: Shut up
Creature walks in
C.: 'Ello
Snape: We have no need for the likes of you.
C.: Oh! I am just here to watch.
Snape: I don't like people watching my...class...
C.: And I don't like vampires.
Long silence (Snape gets sweaty)
Ron:(yelling) AND I DON'T LIKE THINGS THAT GO WEEEOOO! WEEOOOO! (flaps his arms)
All stare at Ron even Mr.Wizzleburry the Third!!
Snape: Well..ok then (runs out the door)
C.: looks like I shall be needed to sub in this class
Snape returns
Snape: I needed this (holds up a turtle) for the new potion today, the potion is the Algebra Potion!
All: Algebra Potion?
Snape: yes, the potion that helps you understand a dead wizard language that muggles try to decipher.
C.: yes. but why make it?
Snape: to help the.to..umm.(scratches head) I don't know.
C. walks around the room looking at all the cool stuff in the room
Snape: now put your Gray Bug Scabs into the mixture of Sardine Teeth and (SMASH!)
Snape slowly turns his head with a face of pure controlled anger.
C. is standing over a bunch of broken glass with a fish flopping on the ground.
C.:..sorry must have slipped (smiles)
Snape: (holding back the rage) O-O-Ok.(turns to class) once you do that get out your turtle (BREAK!) WOULD YOU STOP THAT!!
C.: Sorry, sorry (sits on a random warm air pocket)
Snape: (really Really Mad) do not eat the turtle for it will.
C.: (pouring a strange bottle of Greece on Snape's head) (singing) 1 bottle of Greece of in your hair ONE BOTTLE OF GREECE! TAKE ONE DOWN PASS IT AROUND.. (gets another bottle)2 BOTTLES OF GREECE IN YOUR HAIR (Snape is Crying with his head on his desk)
Many hours later...
C.:99 BOTTLES OF GREECE IN YOUR HAAAAAAAAIIIIIIRRRRRRRR.
Snape: (head drowned in Greece) Class dismissed..
All the stundents slip and slide their way out of the class room due to all the Greece.
Harry: that was slightly enjoyable.
Ron: Creature must've been bored of annoying you.
C.: No I was just board.
Harry: Hey there are 3 chickens in the back yard.
C.: WHERE?? (looks away) Harry runs.
C.: (looks at your screen) One more class to go BWAHAHAHA!!
In Defense of dark arts.
Lupin: 'Ello everyone
All: 'Ello LUPIN!!
Lupin: Today we are learning about only the most interesting thing in wizard Dark Arts History! (students on the edge of their seat) the one, the only, the wonderfully supercalafragalisticxpealadotios...(falls asleep)and falls in the corner.
C. appears from no where
Ron: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
C.: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
ALL:AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Harry: (whispering so only Ron can hear) this can't be good, he IS the dark arts, why would he teach us how to defend from him?
C.: Your right Harry this can't be good
Harry: .Hey! I thought only Ron could hear that thing I just said. C.: No! reread it
Harry: (rereads) but, it doesn't say anything that says you can hear.
C.: So, any who,
Harry: Hey!
C.: (ignoring Harry) I wanted a special guest with me today. meet Lord Voldemort
Voldemort appears out of thick air
C.: now class... Defend (smiles)
Voldemort grows an evil smile
Harry: this can't be good (gets out wand)
Voldemort cracks his neck
Harry: I'm scared
Voldemort cracks his knuckles
Harry: I want my Mummy
Ron: me too
Voldemort cracks his toes
Harry in fetal position sucking thumb
Voldemort cracks his own wand.. he looks down, gets a really sad face, then looks up at creature with a weak scared grin.
C.: Your pathetic..
Makes Voldi disappear in to mildly thin air
C.: well that was stupid and disgusting. BRING IN THE BREAK DANCING DEMENTORS!
The whole room gets depressed as 5 Dementors dance their way to the front.
Dementor 1: So a ghoul a ghost and a hag go into a bar and .(notices all the people but C. are totally depressed and knocked out) this place stinks ( all the dementors break dance their way out the door)
C.: well. now what
Harry: let us go??
C.: NO!
Harry: @ @
O
For the rest of the class Harry had to find a needle in a hay stack. how annoying
At the Great Hall!
All the Gryffindors are still gone but Harry and Ron, but then with a POP and a WOOSH all of them returned and stole all the chicken wings from Ron
Ron: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Dumbledore: and so we end another.normal.day..yeah.. with the house points standing at Slytherin 5,000,000 points and all the other classes' points resemble a black hole. And Creature.
C.: yes
DumbleBee: your fired
C.: what!
DumbleButt: Butt you are still aloud to hang with the rest of the school HomiG's
C.: Word.
Harry: (Yelling) BUT WHAT IS YOUR NAME CREATURE???
C.: DETENTION!! I TOLD YOU NEVER TO ASK THAT AGAIN SO I WILL GET YOU WHEN I FIND OUT WHAT TO DO WITH YOU!!
Harry: O
Tune in next time for.. Chapter 4 Detention!!