The forest is awake, even at night---especially at night---but I must
sometimes rest.
And when I do sleep, I dream. I remember the enemies of my family and my friends; the dark lord, the dark twin, the dark ones that followed them...and sometimes my dreams are nightmares. But I know something that they do not, those loveless ones. Something that perhaps they will never understand.
I can be hurt, even in this new body, this changed form that is eternal and strange to me yet...I might look the same, but there are so many changes! Not least of these is knowledge, when I care to find it. And I have discovered---aided in some part by my dreams---that what I am cannot be hurt. There is one who would kill me, tear me apart; and it would be pain, that I can admit. But pain, like pleasure, like sorrow, like joy, is fleeting, a vanishing thing. There is only so much room, even in this new body, to hold sensation. And when a certain point is reached, there can be no more pain.
And in truth, what would that dark twin of my older brother be damaging? What is a body but a flicker of light, gone in an instant? The true creature that I am, that all people are, could never be harmed without my willing it so. My body might be burned and torn, but my self would be safe in a place that cannot be touched by outside forces.
I am a sage: as such, people come to me to confess, from time to time, things that they would never tell a priest. The burden of hearing and, sometimes, judging, is mine to bear, and it is sometimes a heavy one. But I have learned another thing by acting as high priestess; there is no sin, no true crime but that caused by unhappiness. Think on this, sleeping dark-brother of mine; when a man kills, why does he do it? Whether it be for wealth, jealousy, anger, the desire for power...it all comes down to despair--- sadness that one does not have enough, sadness that another has what one wants, sadness that another is happy while oneself is not, sadness that another is in control when one cannot even control oneself. Look, also, at rape; why is it committed? Because the rapist wants power over the victim, wants what the victim has, wants to 'teach a lesson' to the victim---all of this, caused by unhappiness at the root of it. You must be the most miserable creature in the world.
For that, I feel the occasional twinge of compassion for you, but there is another wisdom to be had here. The acts performed out of something born of misery might be explained; often a cause for the sadness behind them can be found. But this is never an excuse. Never. When one knows the reason, it is often easier to find a fitting punishment, and there must always be one, though to some it might not appear so. You might feel sorry for a rabid dog, but would that stay your blade or send it more swiftly to his heart? Just because one is miserable does not give him the right to be the cause of misery. For this, older-brother that is not...should I ever see you again, I will be merciful. You would not need to suffer your misery for much longer.
I hope that your dreams are happy, lost one. I hope for your sake that in them you might find something of your lost purity, and something of happiness, or at least something of peace. For without it, when the cycle comes to its beginning again for you, there will be those waiting who would strike you down in the dawn of your returned power. We are learning to be just in our growing wisdom, and you have a great deal to answer for.
Nightmares do not last past waking, dark almost-brother. I truly hope that you are sleeping well and deeply, and finding peace in your dreams, for I am in mine.
And when I do sleep, I dream. I remember the enemies of my family and my friends; the dark lord, the dark twin, the dark ones that followed them...and sometimes my dreams are nightmares. But I know something that they do not, those loveless ones. Something that perhaps they will never understand.
I can be hurt, even in this new body, this changed form that is eternal and strange to me yet...I might look the same, but there are so many changes! Not least of these is knowledge, when I care to find it. And I have discovered---aided in some part by my dreams---that what I am cannot be hurt. There is one who would kill me, tear me apart; and it would be pain, that I can admit. But pain, like pleasure, like sorrow, like joy, is fleeting, a vanishing thing. There is only so much room, even in this new body, to hold sensation. And when a certain point is reached, there can be no more pain.
And in truth, what would that dark twin of my older brother be damaging? What is a body but a flicker of light, gone in an instant? The true creature that I am, that all people are, could never be harmed without my willing it so. My body might be burned and torn, but my self would be safe in a place that cannot be touched by outside forces.
I am a sage: as such, people come to me to confess, from time to time, things that they would never tell a priest. The burden of hearing and, sometimes, judging, is mine to bear, and it is sometimes a heavy one. But I have learned another thing by acting as high priestess; there is no sin, no true crime but that caused by unhappiness. Think on this, sleeping dark-brother of mine; when a man kills, why does he do it? Whether it be for wealth, jealousy, anger, the desire for power...it all comes down to despair--- sadness that one does not have enough, sadness that another has what one wants, sadness that another is happy while oneself is not, sadness that another is in control when one cannot even control oneself. Look, also, at rape; why is it committed? Because the rapist wants power over the victim, wants what the victim has, wants to 'teach a lesson' to the victim---all of this, caused by unhappiness at the root of it. You must be the most miserable creature in the world.
For that, I feel the occasional twinge of compassion for you, but there is another wisdom to be had here. The acts performed out of something born of misery might be explained; often a cause for the sadness behind them can be found. But this is never an excuse. Never. When one knows the reason, it is often easier to find a fitting punishment, and there must always be one, though to some it might not appear so. You might feel sorry for a rabid dog, but would that stay your blade or send it more swiftly to his heart? Just because one is miserable does not give him the right to be the cause of misery. For this, older-brother that is not...should I ever see you again, I will be merciful. You would not need to suffer your misery for much longer.
I hope that your dreams are happy, lost one. I hope for your sake that in them you might find something of your lost purity, and something of happiness, or at least something of peace. For without it, when the cycle comes to its beginning again for you, there will be those waiting who would strike you down in the dawn of your returned power. We are learning to be just in our growing wisdom, and you have a great deal to answer for.
Nightmares do not last past waking, dark almost-brother. I truly hope that you are sleeping well and deeply, and finding peace in your dreams, for I am in mine.