A/N: After 3 shutdowns of this computer while I was typing this (and a
long, long 3-month wait), the fourteenth chapter of this random, random
story has finally arrived. Now worship me, and eat Dutch pretzels for 13
hours. Thank you, and good night!
Rabid Fan #123: Blah! DUTCH PRETZELS AM TEH SCUK!!!1
Sane Fan #666: ...Okay, I'm going to go through the secret back door, the front of this place is infested with idiots...
A/N: Um...
Harry: You forgot the disclaimer again!
A/N: Who cares?!
Harry: Well, I do, you laz-
*Harry gets smashed with a 160-ton weight*
A/N: God, I love these powers.
Well, why don't you give someone else them, so THEY can beat the crap out of Harry?
A/N: ...Shut up, you.
*Narrator gets smashed by a 1600-ton weight*
----
Now, let's just skip to the chapter title, shall we?
CHAPTER XIV
I WANNA GET PSYCHO
Harry: Uh...I'm at a loss of words. I was supposed to be hit by the chapter title or some other random fanfic thin-
Suddenly, a flashback crushed Harry, but he was saved by Hermione.
Harry: How'd you do that?
Hermione: Plot device, Harry. Plot device.
Narrator: Of course, the Author loves stealing things from Flash movies from Newgrounds.
(A/N: Do not, you fool!)
Narrator: Do too!
A/N: Do not!
Kuririn, Lavender/Aryll, Harry, and Hermione: SHUT UP, YOU TWO!
Narrator: Okay.
(A/N: Hmph. All of you have someone that loves you, but I don't. *sobs*)
All: ...
(A/N: *bursts into tears*)
All: Maybe it has to do with the fact that you're only 12?
(A/N: Shut up! That has nothing to do with it! I swear, I'm gonna give you people seizures like...whoa!)
As if on cue, the Killer Japanese Seizure Robots proceeded to burst out of a random wall, scaring the crap out of everyone, and began to do their 'dance', causing everyone to have randomly placed seizures.
Kuririn: YayAYAymfdldasj3##%^...moo.
o_O;;;
Kuririn: Who the hell are you?
Why, I'm you.
Kuririn: So you're the IRC form of the Author?
Yyyup.
Okay, get out before this fic becomes a chat fic, that's breaking the '1337 Guidelines for Fanfiction.Net.'
Chibi-Kuririn: Fine then. I'll be in Person Form, whatever the hell that means.
Wait a minute...
Chibi Kuririn: What?
I just found out that I lost an entire page of this fic earlier.
Chibi Kuririn: You did? Bad Jon!
All: BAD CHIBI, BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL BY SPEAKING WITH THE REAL, REAL AUTHOR!
Chibi Kuririn: Bite me, I'm not even in this continuity.
Mina: Yay! *huggles Chibi*
Chibi Kuririn: Hey! Where'd you come from?
Mina: That portal you left open. Young man, you should NOT be leaving those things open, you don't know what goes in!
Chibi Kuririn: Um...ew.
Mina smacked Chibi.
Mina: I didn't mean it THAT way!
(A/N: On MediaDriven on mIRC, Mina kinda likes me, Chibi-Kuririn. She's a recurring character.)
In unison, Chibi Kuririn and Mina said, "You know, I kinda like it here..."
They looked at each other and exclaimed, "Why are you saying what I'm saying?"
"Are we thinking the same things?"
"I think so!"
"Cheese tast-"
AAAAAAAAAARGH.
WOULD YOU TWO BLOODY STOP TALKING AT THE SAME TIME?! IT GETS ANNOYING AFTER A WHILE.
With those words, the Psuedo-HP/DBZ Universe got stoned and WENT THROUGH A WORMHOLE!
All: AAAA! WE DON'T HAVE INSURANCE FOR THISSSS!
Fo' sho' you don't. *poses*
All: AUTHOR, NO!
And with the pose, the Universe got even more stoned, going through an even more violent wormhole.
All: ARGH!
Damn, that was some good weed...
Kuririn: It was?
Mina: It was?
Chibi Kuri-san: It was?
Chibi Kuri-san: Wait...WHY'D YOU CHANGE MY NAME?!
It got too hard to type regularly on here! Kuri-san is easier to type!
Chibi Kuri-san: Hmph. You're me, so I can't really complain.
Magus Ollarud: Where the hell am I now? 1999 A.D. or something?
Damnit, Magus, would you STOP acting like this is Chrono Trigger?
Magus: What's Chrono Trigger?
It's the game you're in, where you have to beat Lavos...
HOURS LATER...
Magus: So this Squaresoft company-thingy thinks that defeating Lavos was just a game?
Probably.
Magus: I'm going to kill them once they release FFXI on the PS2.
Woo! I've brought my IRC counterpart and one of its friends on, and I've also taught a video game character in the way of video game consoles!
Magus: I'm lost.
(A/N: Magus is also gonna be a recurring character, of course.)
Good.
Harry: Wait a minute...Why am I in here?
Because I told you to be in here because I told you to be in here.
Harry: I'm so confused.
Hermione: Oh, I'm soooo into confused guys!
They had hot, hot monkey sex.
Ron: Well, that wasn't particularly fun.
Aryll: Meh.
Kuririn: You said it.
And then Aryll and Kuririn had hot, hot monkey sex.
Ron: Why are you typing THIS now?
Author: Just to get some randomness into it.
Ron: I see. Well, readers, CHEESE OWNS YOU ALL!
All, minus Harry, Hermione, Aryll, and Kuririn: QUIT BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL, RON!
Author: I'm lost again.
Magus: Good.
Author: Wait a minute, you were supposed to say YOU were lost..
TAKE 2!
All, minus Harry, Hermione, Aryll, and Kuririn: QUIT BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL, RON!
Magus: I'm, er, uh...
Author: CUT!
Everyone else is laughing.
TAKE 3!
All, minus Harry, Hermione, Aryll, and Kuririn: QUIT BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL, RON!
Magus: I'm lost.
Author: Why?
Everyone laughs again.
CUT!
Take 4!
All, minus Harry, Hermione, Aryll, and Kuririn: QUIT BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL, RON!
Magus: I'm lost.
Author: Good!
Finally, we can get on with this fic!
AFTER THIS LINE, THE FIC HAS RESTARTED.
*boop! whiRRriORrrrrprpppprrrrrrrwhirrrrrrrrrrrr!*
Woo, the blimp-motor-machine works again!
Kuririn: But...but..
RANDOM VILLAIN NUMBER 12: No!
Kuririn: That's it! *shoots RVN12 with a uber-powered-up Kamehameha, grabs Aryll, and flies out of the building*
Random Villain #12: Hey! Come back! I was just inviting you for tea!...damn kids, have to leave after I deny them the ability to use my TV...
**********
Whee! Cheese is good!
Kuririn: It is?
Aryll: Yup, so is getting this chapter up to 1000 words! Which only needs...2 more words!
CHEESE!
DIP!
OMG RANDOMNESS TASTES GOOD WITH BBQ SAUCE
Kuririn: It does?
Yes.
It does.
Cheese + BBQ sauce + randomness = yum
Also...
Cheese + BBQ chicken + pizza you
All: Yes, yes, yes it does.
********
And so, after almost 2 months, Kuririn/Author resumes work on the fic.
Author: Oh, shut up, you.
Now for RANDOM FANFIC OUTTAKES - CHAPTER XIV!
TAKE 1!
Author: I'm lost.
Magus: Why?
Author: CUT MY THROAT!
Director: CUT!
---
TAKE 2!
Harry: I'm so confused.
Hermione: I'm so into confused girls!
Harry turned into a girl, and her and Hermione had hot monkey sex.
Author: CUTE!
Director: CUT, CUT, CUT! Harry, YOU AREN'T SUPPOSED TO TURN INTO A GIRL! Hermione, the line's "I'm so into confused guys!"
Hermione: Sorry, MOM.
********
And so, the pointlessness of the fic increased. Cheers.
Harry: Is this almost over?
Hermione: Hopefully.
Just gotta get it to 1400 words or more.
Harry: GOD DAMNIT!
What? I HAVE TO GET A LOT OF WORDS IN THESE SO I CAN INCREASE THE PAGE- THINGIES!
Wait a minute..
What the hell did I just say?
Harry: Dunno.
Me either. Wanna get a beer?
Harry: It's on me!
Hermione: I wanna come!
Every other f00kin' person in the fic: I wanna come, too!
Harry: Okay!
Yay! TIME TO GET DRUNK OUT OF OUR WITS AND HAVE AN ORGY!
Harry: No.
Hermione: Ooh, an orgy!
Harry: *has a look on his face that clearly says "WTF?!*
Author: Booyeah! I've gotten her on our side! Oh, wait, this is almost ten pages!
Ron: Why do I get the feeling that I'm becoming a secondary character?
Author: Hey, I get that feeling in real life, Ron, so really, you aren't alone here.
Aryll: It's not bad being a secondary character..but being created just to be a plot device is even STUPIDER than that!
Author: Well, do you like pie?
Aryll: What's this "pi" you speak of?
Author: It's "pie", and it's a yummy food that we eat here in-oh, wait, you were born on the mountaintops of Hyrule, so you wouldn't know...
Aryll: Fine then, asshole! I'll find out myself!
Kuririn: Pie = good.
Aryll: Thanks, Kuri-chan! *kisses*
Does anyone else realize how contrived that sounded?
Harry: Tell me about it. My entire life story's contrived.
Hermione: I don't understand what the hell anyone's talking about, so I'll just shut up now.
Author: Wait a minute...why the hell are all of us breaking the Fourth Wall?
Harry: We're parodying humor/romance fics, remember?
Author: Oh, now I remember.
Harry: Well, finally..idiot.
Author: WHAT WAS THAT?
Harry: I meant, "Well, finally,,I forgot."
Author: Oh, okay.
Suddenly, Harry laughed evilly, and turned into..
(A/N: (A/N: How's THAT for a cliffhanger?) God, parodies of normal fics is fun, because the readers get to see how utterly stupid the cliffhangers sound!
Well, I'm off to begin on the next chapter..
'Til later, loyal readers!
CHAPTER XV
THE RETURN OF THE JAVA
SEQUEL TO "THE NEWBIES STRIKE BACK")
(A/N 2: Read and review, folks!)
Rabid Fan #123: Blah! DUTCH PRETZELS AM TEH SCUK!!!1
Sane Fan #666: ...Okay, I'm going to go through the secret back door, the front of this place is infested with idiots...
A/N: Um...
Harry: You forgot the disclaimer again!
A/N: Who cares?!
Harry: Well, I do, you laz-
*Harry gets smashed with a 160-ton weight*
A/N: God, I love these powers.
Well, why don't you give someone else them, so THEY can beat the crap out of Harry?
A/N: ...Shut up, you.
*Narrator gets smashed by a 1600-ton weight*
----
Now, let's just skip to the chapter title, shall we?
CHAPTER XIV
I WANNA GET PSYCHO
Harry: Uh...I'm at a loss of words. I was supposed to be hit by the chapter title or some other random fanfic thin-
Suddenly, a flashback crushed Harry, but he was saved by Hermione.
Harry: How'd you do that?
Hermione: Plot device, Harry. Plot device.
Narrator: Of course, the Author loves stealing things from Flash movies from Newgrounds.
(A/N: Do not, you fool!)
Narrator: Do too!
A/N: Do not!
Kuririn, Lavender/Aryll, Harry, and Hermione: SHUT UP, YOU TWO!
Narrator: Okay.
(A/N: Hmph. All of you have someone that loves you, but I don't. *sobs*)
All: ...
(A/N: *bursts into tears*)
All: Maybe it has to do with the fact that you're only 12?
(A/N: Shut up! That has nothing to do with it! I swear, I'm gonna give you people seizures like...whoa!)
As if on cue, the Killer Japanese Seizure Robots proceeded to burst out of a random wall, scaring the crap out of everyone, and began to do their 'dance', causing everyone to have randomly placed seizures.
Kuririn: YayAYAymfdldasj3##%^...moo.
o_O;;;
Kuririn: Who the hell are you?
Why, I'm you.
Kuririn: So you're the IRC form of the Author?
Yyyup.
Okay, get out before this fic becomes a chat fic, that's breaking the '1337 Guidelines for Fanfiction.Net.'
Chibi-Kuririn: Fine then. I'll be in Person Form, whatever the hell that means.
Wait a minute...
Chibi Kuririn: What?
I just found out that I lost an entire page of this fic earlier.
Chibi Kuririn: You did? Bad Jon!
All: BAD CHIBI, BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL BY SPEAKING WITH THE REAL, REAL AUTHOR!
Chibi Kuririn: Bite me, I'm not even in this continuity.
Mina: Yay! *huggles Chibi*
Chibi Kuririn: Hey! Where'd you come from?
Mina: That portal you left open. Young man, you should NOT be leaving those things open, you don't know what goes in!
Chibi Kuririn: Um...ew.
Mina smacked Chibi.
Mina: I didn't mean it THAT way!
(A/N: On MediaDriven on mIRC, Mina kinda likes me, Chibi-Kuririn. She's a recurring character.)
In unison, Chibi Kuririn and Mina said, "You know, I kinda like it here..."
They looked at each other and exclaimed, "Why are you saying what I'm saying?"
"Are we thinking the same things?"
"I think so!"
"Cheese tast-"
AAAAAAAAAARGH.
WOULD YOU TWO BLOODY STOP TALKING AT THE SAME TIME?! IT GETS ANNOYING AFTER A WHILE.
With those words, the Psuedo-HP/DBZ Universe got stoned and WENT THROUGH A WORMHOLE!
All: AAAA! WE DON'T HAVE INSURANCE FOR THISSSS!
Fo' sho' you don't. *poses*
All: AUTHOR, NO!
And with the pose, the Universe got even more stoned, going through an even more violent wormhole.
All: ARGH!
Damn, that was some good weed...
Kuririn: It was?
Mina: It was?
Chibi Kuri-san: It was?
Chibi Kuri-san: Wait...WHY'D YOU CHANGE MY NAME?!
It got too hard to type regularly on here! Kuri-san is easier to type!
Chibi Kuri-san: Hmph. You're me, so I can't really complain.
Magus Ollarud: Where the hell am I now? 1999 A.D. or something?
Damnit, Magus, would you STOP acting like this is Chrono Trigger?
Magus: What's Chrono Trigger?
It's the game you're in, where you have to beat Lavos...
HOURS LATER...
Magus: So this Squaresoft company-thingy thinks that defeating Lavos was just a game?
Probably.
Magus: I'm going to kill them once they release FFXI on the PS2.
Woo! I've brought my IRC counterpart and one of its friends on, and I've also taught a video game character in the way of video game consoles!
Magus: I'm lost.
(A/N: Magus is also gonna be a recurring character, of course.)
Good.
Harry: Wait a minute...Why am I in here?
Because I told you to be in here because I told you to be in here.
Harry: I'm so confused.
Hermione: Oh, I'm soooo into confused guys!
They had hot, hot monkey sex.
Ron: Well, that wasn't particularly fun.
Aryll: Meh.
Kuririn: You said it.
And then Aryll and Kuririn had hot, hot monkey sex.
Ron: Why are you typing THIS now?
Author: Just to get some randomness into it.
Ron: I see. Well, readers, CHEESE OWNS YOU ALL!
All, minus Harry, Hermione, Aryll, and Kuririn: QUIT BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL, RON!
Author: I'm lost again.
Magus: Good.
Author: Wait a minute, you were supposed to say YOU were lost..
TAKE 2!
All, minus Harry, Hermione, Aryll, and Kuririn: QUIT BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL, RON!
Magus: I'm, er, uh...
Author: CUT!
Everyone else is laughing.
TAKE 3!
All, minus Harry, Hermione, Aryll, and Kuririn: QUIT BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL, RON!
Magus: I'm lost.
Author: Why?
Everyone laughs again.
CUT!
Take 4!
All, minus Harry, Hermione, Aryll, and Kuririn: QUIT BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL, RON!
Magus: I'm lost.
Author: Good!
Finally, we can get on with this fic!
AFTER THIS LINE, THE FIC HAS RESTARTED.
*boop! whiRRriORrrrrprpppprrrrrrrwhirrrrrrrrrrrr!*
Woo, the blimp-motor-machine works again!
Kuririn: But...but..
RANDOM VILLAIN NUMBER 12: No!
Kuririn: That's it! *shoots RVN12 with a uber-powered-up Kamehameha, grabs Aryll, and flies out of the building*
Random Villain #12: Hey! Come back! I was just inviting you for tea!...damn kids, have to leave after I deny them the ability to use my TV...
**********
Whee! Cheese is good!
Kuririn: It is?
Aryll: Yup, so is getting this chapter up to 1000 words! Which only needs...2 more words!
CHEESE!
DIP!
OMG RANDOMNESS TASTES GOOD WITH BBQ SAUCE
Kuririn: It does?
Yes.
It does.
Cheese + BBQ sauce + randomness = yum
Also...
Cheese + BBQ chicken + pizza you
All: Yes, yes, yes it does.
********
And so, after almost 2 months, Kuririn/Author resumes work on the fic.
Author: Oh, shut up, you.
Now for RANDOM FANFIC OUTTAKES - CHAPTER XIV!
TAKE 1!
Author: I'm lost.
Magus: Why?
Author: CUT MY THROAT!
Director: CUT!
---
TAKE 2!
Harry: I'm so confused.
Hermione: I'm so into confused girls!
Harry turned into a girl, and her and Hermione had hot monkey sex.
Author: CUTE!
Director: CUT, CUT, CUT! Harry, YOU AREN'T SUPPOSED TO TURN INTO A GIRL! Hermione, the line's "I'm so into confused guys!"
Hermione: Sorry, MOM.
********
And so, the pointlessness of the fic increased. Cheers.
Harry: Is this almost over?
Hermione: Hopefully.
Just gotta get it to 1400 words or more.
Harry: GOD DAMNIT!
What? I HAVE TO GET A LOT OF WORDS IN THESE SO I CAN INCREASE THE PAGE- THINGIES!
Wait a minute..
What the hell did I just say?
Harry: Dunno.
Me either. Wanna get a beer?
Harry: It's on me!
Hermione: I wanna come!
Every other f00kin' person in the fic: I wanna come, too!
Harry: Okay!
Yay! TIME TO GET DRUNK OUT OF OUR WITS AND HAVE AN ORGY!
Harry: No.
Hermione: Ooh, an orgy!
Harry: *has a look on his face that clearly says "WTF?!*
Author: Booyeah! I've gotten her on our side! Oh, wait, this is almost ten pages!
Ron: Why do I get the feeling that I'm becoming a secondary character?
Author: Hey, I get that feeling in real life, Ron, so really, you aren't alone here.
Aryll: It's not bad being a secondary character..but being created just to be a plot device is even STUPIDER than that!
Author: Well, do you like pie?
Aryll: What's this "pi" you speak of?
Author: It's "pie", and it's a yummy food that we eat here in-oh, wait, you were born on the mountaintops of Hyrule, so you wouldn't know...
Aryll: Fine then, asshole! I'll find out myself!
Kuririn: Pie = good.
Aryll: Thanks, Kuri-chan! *kisses*
Does anyone else realize how contrived that sounded?
Harry: Tell me about it. My entire life story's contrived.
Hermione: I don't understand what the hell anyone's talking about, so I'll just shut up now.
Author: Wait a minute...why the hell are all of us breaking the Fourth Wall?
Harry: We're parodying humor/romance fics, remember?
Author: Oh, now I remember.
Harry: Well, finally..idiot.
Author: WHAT WAS THAT?
Harry: I meant, "Well, finally,,I forgot."
Author: Oh, okay.
Suddenly, Harry laughed evilly, and turned into..
(A/N: (A/N: How's THAT for a cliffhanger?) God, parodies of normal fics is fun, because the readers get to see how utterly stupid the cliffhangers sound!
Well, I'm off to begin on the next chapter..
'Til later, loyal readers!
CHAPTER XV
THE RETURN OF THE JAVA
SEQUEL TO "THE NEWBIES STRIKE BACK")
(A/N 2: Read and review, folks!)