Finding the Magic
It was 1933, and the United States was in a Depression.
Douglas Spaulding ran his fingers through his blonde hair. It was getting long, but who these days had the money or time for a haircut?
After the death of his grandparents four years ago, and his parents a year after that, Douglas had found work in this soup kitchen, ladling watery stew to lines of people. It was repetitive menial labor, but Douglas didn't mind, anything to ensure that he and Tom, especially Tom, got two meals a day. Even if they were small, the kitchen's leftovers were enough to keep himself and his brother alive, which was something to be grateful for, these days.
Douglas stood, watching the people of his childhood trudge by him, holding out cracked bowl, looking down.
No one met anyone else's eyes these days, perhaps because they didn't want to see what was in everyone's eyes, and on everyone's mind- fear, hunger, grief…and, worst of all, a complete lack of hope.
Douglas started. He could have sworn that he'd just seen a head of curly black hair step in the door. He craned his neck, but the line snaked around, so that he couldn't see who had just come in.
Could it be? He wondered, but no, it was impossible. Douglas hadn't seen his friend John Huff since that summer day, when he was 13, when John had socked Douglas in the arm, and ended up breaking his heart. The pain had lessened over time, but he knew that he could never forget the friend that had been more than a friend to him. He sighed. It was almost closing time- only a few more people and he could go home, fall into a dreamless sleep, and forget.
"Douglas?" A soft voice said. Doug looked up, and met a pair of dark green eyes.
"John?" Doug breathed "John?"
He stood still, staring.
"Come on, Doug!" Bill Forrester called, "Give the man his food so we can close up!"
"Come to my house" Doug murmured "I have some bread…"
He hung his ladle on a hook, waved goodbye to his boss, and started for home. John fell into step beside him, and they walked silently, working to readjust to each other's presence.
Douglas silently let John in, suddenly ashamed at the disrepair that his Grandparent's house had fallen into. Neither he nr Tom had the time or inclination to clean, and the house, like so many others these days, was dark and dusty, their few possessions scattered about.
Doug and John walked into the parlor and sat on a big sofa with their backs against the arms and their legs crossed, just as they had so many times in their boyhood.
They studied each other for a moment.
John was still John, but now his green eyes seemed bigger in a hallowed face, and his black hair hung in curly tangles almost to his shoulders. Like everyone else, he was much too thin, and his ripped jeans and flannel shirt hung loosely off of his frame. But Douglas had changed too, in five years. His hair was limp, and no longer stood up in it's boyish way, he had grown taller, and though the regular meals had kept him from becoming too gaunt, he was still very thin.
"John Huff" He whispered, finally breaking the silence.
"Oh, Doug" John said "I missed you"
"I missed you too" he said, and they embraced with tears in their eyes. "You never came to visit" he accused.
" I couldn't" John said "My father lost his job, and we had no money… all I wanted was to come back home, I've been saving for year…"
"At least you're here, now" Doug said.
"Yeah. I'm here, with you. Gosh, Doug, leaving you just broke my heart"
"Mine too" Doug whispered.
"Let me finish." John pleaded, taking his hands "When you were a statue, I memorized your face. I couldn't see my parent's faces after five minutes, but you I could see, even after five years."
"Five years" Doug repeated.
"I didn't have any friends in Milwaukee" John continued "Sure, there were a bunch of boys that I hung out with, but I never cared for them, nor they me. I was just waiting until I could come back to you, really." He fell silent, searching Doug's face apprehensively.
"Oh, John" Doug said "I missed you too. I cried myself to sleep how many nights, I don't know. I got sick from unhappiness, that summer you left. I had the highest fever 'round here for at least ten years, just thinking of you, missing you."
They embraced again, hanging onto each other, breathing in each other's familiar scent, until John's stomach rumbled. Doug laughed at his embarrassed expression.
"Hungry?" He asked.
"eh, yeah" John replied. Doug led him down to the kitchen. The cupboard was so empty, holding only half of a loaf of bread. Doug cut it into thirds, and set the third piece aside.
"For Tom" He explained. John's piece of bread was small, and rather stale, but John eyed it hungrily before gobbling it down. Douglas ate his almost as fast, wishing that he had more to give.
The door banged in the living room.
"Hey Doug" Tom called, coming into the room "And… John Huff? I haven't seen you in ages!"
John smiled "Hey there, Tom" He said.
"I'd love to stay and talk" Tom said "But, I've got a lot of homework to do…" He grabbed his piece of bread, and trudged noisily up the stairs.
"How old is he, now?" John asked.
Doug sighed "15, but he may as well be 50. He goes to school every day, then to work, and gets home at ten to start his homework. I've seen many an adult with an easier load than that."
"He's lost his innocence" John mused.
"Yes, but who is innocent these days?" Doug asked, reaching out to touch John's cheek. "I mean, look at you, John, seventeen years old…"
"And alone?" John finished his sentence "For who knows where my parents are? They're as good as dead to me, I don't expect to ever see them again. You, too, I suppose."
"My parents and grandparents are gone, yes" Doug sighed "But I'm not alone. I have Tom… and you, because I don't plan to let you go again."
"I'm not going anywhere" John whispered.
Doug sighed "We should go to bed" He said, reluctantly "I have to go to work tomorrow…"
John nodded "where should I sleep?" He asked.
Doug smiled "where do we always sleep?"
Laughing, they ran upstairs to the tower room where they had spent many a night together as kids. The big poster bed was still there, untouched for four years. Doug took off the top sheet, shaking out the dust. Neither of them had spare clothes, so they climbed into bed as they were, huddling together for warmth in the chilly autumn air.
Doug awoke in the middle of the night, feeling warm and content in John's arms.
If he was a girl… I think I would be in love with him Doug thought, tenderly brushing a stray curl off of John's face. It feels like love, but boys can't fall in love with boys, of course. It's impossible. Sighing, he closed his eyes, and fell back into a warm unconciousness.
Doug was awakened the next morning by warm breathe on his cheek. He opened his eyes to see John's face hovering over his, beaming.
"Doug! It's a sunny, beautiful day, and I'm here!" He said, happily "get up, get up!"
Doug smiled groggily, and rubbed his eyes.
"You haven't changed a bit, have you?" He asked, for this was how John had woken him up every time they had a sleepover as kids. John laughed, and shook his head. He jumped off of the bed, and pulled the covers off. Scowling playfully, Doug stood up. Together they stared out the window, and looked at the town. It was the same Green Town as it had been in 1928, yet at the same time, very different. Many of the houses were boarded up and deserted, and even the inhabited ones were in disrepair, with faded and peeling paint, broken windows, etc. Douglas was glad that his grandfather wasn't there, as he would have been very upset to see that no one had mowed their lawn all summer- all over town, the grass grew scraggly and waist high. Not many people were out and about at this hour- one advantage of unemployment was that there was no need to get up early- but the people who were out moved slowly, huddled over. Douglas sighed at the abject state of his town.
"It's sure changed, huh?" Doug asked.
"yeah…" John said "Something's wrong… it's not happy any more."
"The magic is gone" Doug whispered.
"That's it!" John exclaimed, gripping his wrists "The magic is gone! That's exactly what's wrong with the world today. Oh, Doug, we gotta find it! We have to get the magic back!"
Doug's eyes widened "we will, John, we will" He promised. "If there's any magic left in the world, we'll find it."
"So, Doug" John asked that night, as they sat on the howdah in the fading twilight. "Have you found a girlfriend, yet?"
Doug shook his head "I don't know… I'm just not that interested in girls, I guess"
"I see" John said "yeah, I'm not either. See, Doug, in the city, there's this concept… homosexuality."
"What's that?" Doug asked. John laughed.
"You're pretty sheltered out here, I guess. Well, see, homosexuality is when a man… falls in love with a man." He said quietly.
"Two men, in love?" Doug asked "No way…"
"I'm serious" John insisted. "it's possibly to love your own gender the same way anyone else could love the opposite one!"
Douglas pondered this for a few minutes, letting the concept sink in. Funny, that just this morning, he had wondered about the same thing and dismissed it as impossible, when it really wasn't…"
"John?" Doug asked, nervously.
"Yeah, Doug?"
"What if… well, I think that I could be… ya know… homosexual thingy" He was blushing now. Damnit! "Would you… be okay with that"
"Sure I would" John said softly "because, well, I am too."
"are you?" Doug said, relieved. "did you have a…err… boyfriend, in Milwaukee?"
"Nope" John said. "I'm in love with someone… but I'm pretty sure he doesn't love me."
"Oh." Douglas sighed. He had hoped against hope that, now that he knew it was possible, he and John could be together. It seemed destined to be. But, if his friend was in love with someone else…
"I hope he comes around, John" He said, sadly.
"what about you?"
Doug sighed "I don't know… there is someone, but it seems I don't have a chance…"
"Maybe it will all work out" John said sympathetically, squeezing his hands.
"Maybe" Doug said.
John slept soundly, snoring softly, but Douglas could not drift away. His mind raced, coming to terms with the new discoveries. In his sheltered, small town world, the concept of homosexuality had never occured to him. Now, all at once, he had to come to terms with the concept, the fact that John loved someone else, and, oh, that he was madly in love with the dark haired angel resting behind him. Douglas sighed again, looking at John's face, which wore a peaceful, content expression in sleep. But, as he watched, John's face began to crease with worry, and he started to thrash about, whimpering.
"Doug! Doug!" He called, frantic. Doug pulled his slim frame into his arms, and held him close.
"shhh, John, it's okay! I'm here" He whispered. John relaxed and opened his eyes to gaze into Doug's.
"You're here." He whispered "oh, gosh. I dreamed that you made me a statue, and you were walking away, and I couldn't move…."
Doug put a finger to his lips "I'm here" he repeated.
John smiled and closed his eyes, snuggling in Doug's arms, and soon they had drifted off to sleep.
The next day, Doug and John went for a hike through the ravine, pointing out places where they had tumbled or scraped knees when they were kids. The bottom of the ravine was as dark and spooky as ever, even during the day, and once they got in, they walked hand in hand, whispering to each other about monsters and the lonely one.
Just like old times.
- - - -
"I wish I'd never had to leave." John said that night, as they stood looking out of the tower window.
"I know" Doug said "and I wish that you'd never left. Haven't we been over this?" He was hungry, which always put him in a slightly grumpy mood.
"what I'm trying to say is," John continued "I never wanted to leave because… I love you, Doug"
"Love you too" his friend replied automatically.
"No, no, Doug. I mean… I'm in love with you" John's voice was nervous, and barely audible.
"Oh!" Doug exclaimed, his eyes widening. "Really?"
"yeah" John flushed, embarrassed.
"John!" Doug exclaimed "I'm in love with you too!"
His breath caught as he and John drew close for what would be their first kiss.
Fireworks lit up the sky, music played, birds sang, and Doug forgot all about being hungry.
When John pulled away, there was light in his eyes.
"John" Doug whispered, reverently "we found the magic."
Fin.