Chapter Fourteen: Mutant Marmalade

"What is our dare? asked Sabertooth.

"Well, it's actually Tabitha's turn. She's just been dared to sing Lady Marmalade."

"But that needs four singers," said Scott.

"And that's why it is so good that you two arrived," said Rogue. "You, along with our friend Colossus over there, can help Tabitha by singing along."

Logan and Sabertooth looked at each other. "Okay."

"You do have to wear costumes," informed Pyro. "the skimpy little ones."

"Where would we get them?"

"This bus is alive," said Todd. "You can find the costumes upstairs."

"All right," said Tabitha. "If you three will just follow me, we'll go get changed. And I can get out of this towel."

As the four walked upstairs. Logan could be heard asking, "Why are you in a towel?"

"Why have you got your ear pressed to the door, Todd?" asked Pietro.

"I want to hear what is going on upstairs. So be quiet!"

They all strained to hear what was being said, but heard nothing.

"Try the air vent," suggested the bus driver.

"I'm really starting to like this guy, yo."

Now that they were listening through the air vent, they could now hear exactly what was being said.

"Hey! That's my bustier!"

"Well, of you want it so much, give me back my whip!"

"Has anyone seen a pair of fake eyelashes?"

"There in that pair of high heels over in the corner!"

"Nice panties!"

"I bags Christina!"

"Aw, man, I wanted to be Christina! Okay, then, I'll be Lil' Kim."

That was all they managed to hear from the air vent.

After about ten minutes, the four mutants returned from upstairs, to the sounds of several catcalls. "Nice bra, Logan!"

"Thank you."

"Can somebody please get the karaoke machine? Thank you."

And then the notes of Lady Marmalade began to play, and the mutants began to strut their stuff.

"Hey sister, go sister, soul sister, flow sister

Hey sister, go sister, soul sister, go sister," they all sang together.

Then Tabitha stepped forward, wearing a black and red costume, holding a whip, and doing a perfect imitation of Mya.

"He met Marmalade down in old Moulin Rouge

Strutting her stuff on the street

She said, "Hello, hey Joe

You wanna give it a go?" oh"

And then the others joined in.

"Itchy gitchi yaya dada (hey hey hey)

Itchy gitchi yaya hee (hee oh)

Mocha chocolata yaya (ooh yeah)

Creole Lady Marmalade (ohh)

Voulez - vous coucher avec moi, ce soir (oh oh)

Voulez - vous coucher avec moi (yeah yeah yeah yeah)"

Next stepped forward Colossus, wearing a bright pink wig. He was more forward in his dancing than Tabitha, but his singing left much to be desired.

"He sat in her boudoir while she freshened up

Boy drank all that magnolia wine

On her black satin sheets

Is where he started to freak, yeah."

And the others once again joined in for the chorus.

"Itchy gitchi yaya dada (hey hey hey)

Itchy gitchi yaya hee (hee oh)

Mocha chocolata yaya (ooh yeah)

Creole Lady Marmalade (ohh)

Voulez - vous coucher avec moi, ce soir (oh oh)

Voulez - vous coucher avec moi (yeah yeah yeah yeah)"

The third mutant to sing was Logan. Well, he was not singing, but more like rapping.

"Yeah, yeah, aw

We come through with the money and the garter belts

Let 'em know we 'bout that cake, straight out the gate

We independent mutants, some mistake us for whores

I'm saying, why spend mine when I can spend yours

Disagree, well that's you and I'm sorry

I'mma keep playing these cats out like Atari

Wear high heeled shoes, get love from the dudes

Four badass mutes from the Mutant Rouge

Hey sisters, soul sisters

Gotta get that dough sisters

We drink wine with diamonds in the glass by the case

The meaning of expensive taste."

And then it was the chorus time.

"We wanna itchi gitchi yaya (come on)

Mocha chocolata (what)

Creole Lady Marmalade

(One more time, come on)

Marmalade (ooh)

Lady Marmalade (ooh yeah)

Marmalade (ohh)."

Last to step forward was Sabertooth, looking absolutely ridiculous as Christina. By this time Lance had popped his head out of the luggage compartment, and was trying not to laugh at the giant, murderous mutant strutting his stuff in a very revealing outfit, and very dodgy hair-do.

But then Sabertooth opened his mouth, and surprised them all.

He could sing!

And very well, too!

"Hey, hey, hey

Touch of her skin feeling silky smooth, oh

Colour of cafe au lait, all right

Made the savage beast inside

Roar until he cried

More, more, more."

Everyone just stared at the mutant. He had just belted out a perfect imitation of the singer, and was not dancing too badly, either.

But, sadly, it was now Colossus' turn once again to sing.

"Now he's back home doing nine to five (nine to five)"

"Living a grey flannel life," added Tabitha.

"But when he turns off to sleep, memories keep

More, more, more," sang Sabertooth, stealing the stage.

And once again, it was time for the chorus.

"Itchi gitchi yaya dada

Itchi gitchi yaya hee (ohh)

Mocha chocolata ya ya (ooh)

Creole Lady Marmalade

Voulez - vous coucher avec moi, ce soir (ce soir)

Voulez - vous coucher avec moi

Voulez - vous coucher avec moi, ce soir (ce soir)

Voulez - vous coucher avec moi (ohh)

Come on, uh."

Suddenly, Freddy jumped up and started 'getting jiggy with it' with Tabitha, who was getting very close to her larger-than-life boyfriend. Then, he, too began to sing, and took overt the lines in the song usually reserved for Missy Elliot.

"Sabertooth," he tried to sing (but failed).

Sabertooth leapt forward, and continued his rendition of the song.

"Mutant."

"Colossus," added Freddy.

"Mutant Marmalade!" sang the Russian.

"Logan!"

"Hey, uh uh uh uh uh uh uh."

"Tabitha!" Freddy almost roared with delight.

"Lady."

And then they all began the grand finale.

"Moulin Rouge

Ooh

Misdemeanour here

Creole Lady Marmalade, ooh yeah."

All finishing with very suggestive poses.

Everyone just stared.