The Legend of Zelda: The Moose of Evil
A stage is set and a Hylian girl, wearing baggy jeans and a black Legend of Zelda shirt, is standing on it holding a microphone.
Hylian Kid: Hey everyone! It's the ever random author of the Legend of Zelda, Hylian Kid!
Audience: (cheering)
Hylian Kid: Thank you, thank you. Anyway, I've been thinking, what do you get when you put together a ticked-off Link, a stressed-out Ganon, a too-civilized-for-everyone Zelda, and a whole bunch of randomness? You get...MY STORY!!
(Nintendo agents arrest Hylian Kid)
Hylian Kid: Hey! What gives?
Agent 45: You forgot the disclaimer to this fanfic.
Hylian Kid: Oh! Give me a minute! I could do that! Ahem... I do not own the Legend of Zelda characters and/or logos (I wish I did...). I do not own rich, chocolate Ovaltine logos and/or uh... rich chocolatetiness. I also do not own Oxiclean, Pedigree Dog Food, Vegetables, Cheese...
45 bajillion hours later...
Hylian Kid: Chess Pieces, Pink Frilly Tutus, and/or other random stuff.
Agent 32: Well, that's good enough for me!
(Nintendo agents leave)
Hylian Kid: Uh...yeah. Anyway, on to the fanfic!
In the far away land of Hyrule—
Audience: GET ON WITH IT!!
Okay! Okay! Anyway, in his castle, Ganon was trying to devise his next plan to take over Hyrule. How original.
Ganon: Let's see. Invade Hyrule with a massive plague of fish? Nah. That's stupid. I've got it! I'll blow up Hyrule and then take over! I'm such a genius!
Audience, Hylian Kid: -____-;
Suddenly…
???: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!! (explosion)
Ganon: What in the name of baked seaweed burritos was that?!
Ganon looks out his window and sees a......moose? Wait, that wasn't in the original script! And the title's different!
Tingle: (whistling)
Tingle! (chases him)
Tingle: HOLY VEGETABLE SOUP! (runs away)
Damn! I couldn't catch him! I guess I'll wing it from now on. Anyway, Ganon goes to answer the door...
Ganon: What?!
Moose: O_____________________O
Ganon: Hello?
Moose: O________________________O
Ganon: TALK!
Moose: O_________O BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!! (explodes)
Ganon: OW!
Moose: (kicks Ganon out and shuts the door)
Ganon: Whoa, whoa, whoa!!! Hold on! This is MY castle!! (tried to open door, but fails) Damn it!
Now, in order to get your castle back, you'll have to get help from a certain hero...
Ganon: NO! I'M NOT ASKING FOR THAT BOY'S HELP!!
LINK!!
Ganon: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Audience: GANON NEEDS LINK'S HELP!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEKJHDKFJSK!!
Hylian Kid and Ganon: O______________________________O
I think the audience has been taking too much ibuprofen.
Ganon: Indeed.
So, he heads off for Kokiri Forest.
Well, Ganon is in some deep poopy-doo! Will he ever get his castle back? Will Link actually help Ganon? (DUN DUN DUN!!) I don't know! Read the next chapter!