Chapter 1.
*The Beauty and the Beast*
AN1: Sorry if the prologue was a bit short. I´ll try to write longer chapters in the future :p Everyone, here´s chapter 1. Enjoy!
***** Another Beauty
Loved by a Beast
Another tale of infinite dreams
Your eyes they were my paradise
Your smile made my sun rise.
Nightwish -Gethsemane-
*****
Rons POV.
A new feeling had entered my life. I wasn´t sure what it was but knew it was very strong and redound upon Harry, my ebony haired friend. It had slipped into my life after the battle in The Department of Mysteries, slipped so quietly, in secret, that I didn´t pay much attention to it then.
I was more worried of Harry, how could he cope with the new loss in his life? Now when Sirius had been ripped away from him, there was practically no family for Harry to lean on in difficult times and to run for shelter and comfort.
Except
//me//
my family. I was so goddamn angry at everyone for not comforting Harry, not letting him cry against their shoulder, not being there for him. Hell, no one even said to him that Sirius was in a better place now...
Why didn´t I do all of that? I don´t know, perhaps I was scared to do it. Scared that he´d push me away I pulled him into a hug or did anything like that.
But how I at the same time wanted to do it! I wanted to tell him everything´s going to be allright, whisper words of comfort to his ear when he cried in his sleep and hold him close.
That and those dreams full of intimacy and love I had been having about Harry, I believe, were the work of this new feeling.
And so Harry went back to the Dursleys for summer, and I went back to Grimmauld place, hoping that we´d see soon.
Now, as I once again lay awake in my bed the clock nearing two a.m., my brains (and my heart) begin their nightly discussions about Harry.
Is he allright? Is he safe? No and no, my brains say and give me a mental slap for being stupid, but my heart says that if I he´d be with me he´d be safe and loved.
//Loved?//
Where did that come from? Naturally I loved Harry, but in a brotherly way.. At least.. I think so...
//"No, you have a crush on Harry. And not just an ordinary crush, you´re head over heels in love with him..."// Said a tiny, voice inside me.
"No I am not, that´s just ridiculous! Absurd even.." Answered another voice, though it was even smaller than the first one. And when I thought about it, something seemed to click to it´s place inside me, like a missing peace I had been searching for who knows how long, and I finally realised that the "new feeling"was of course love.
How obvious it after all was! //"Man I can be thick sometimes.."//
But if I´m in love with Harry, I´m in love with a guy, and that means I´m gay. That train of thought lead to a great silence in my thoughts. (Which wasn´t very uncommon though..)
//Could I be? Perhaps.. Guess I am then...//
To my great surprise this didn´t shock me at all, I´ve never been very interested in girls, but not in boys either. When Charlie and Bill brought girlfriends to Burrow, Mum and Dad seemed pleased and there was really no pressure for me to get one.
But what if this was one of those "teenage-hormones-going all-crazy" things that I´ve heard of? No, it couldn´t, my mental puberty had ended ages ago, and this was just too serious to be some sort of a phase which would surpass with time, Like the one Charlie had when he was graduating from Hogwarts.. Remembering the time when he wore nothing but black leather decorated with skulls and the text "Metallica" or "AC/DC" still makes me laugh, though I haven´t got a clue what they mean.
At the same time when I brooded over these matters, I began understanding that it wasn´t so simple as it seemed. I could never have Harry, he wasn´t gay. Only a few months ago he had kissed Cho and even dated her. Though they weren´t together anymore, I wouldn´t have a chance on Harry.
I felt tears stinging in my eyes and shut them, only to see Harrys face floating in the darkness, his green eyes shining and those full red lips smiling at me.
And how would others react if I told them that I swing the other way? Surely they would laugh at me, yes, first they´d laugh, then the mocking and discrimation would begin. I could easily picture Malfoy calling me a fairy, or a fag, and a whole lot of other things.
And to Mum and Dad, it´d be only another thing to add to the list of my disappointments.. I´d be even more nothing, than I allready am, even more less-considerated and regarded.
And to make matters worse, I realised with an ache in my chest, that Harry would most likely be disgusted when I told about my feelings to him. He could never accept it, he´d hate me for that and I would loose him forever. Something I wouldn´t want to think about. I couldn´t stand my life without Harry on my side. For I had no other true friends beside him, I sure liked Hermione but I couldn´t imagine about talking the things to her what Harry and I shared.
To think of it, what other reasons than Harry did I actually have to live?
For I wasn´t special in any way, I was one of those people you could see in a croud without really seeing them, in other words I belonged to grey people. I wasn´t clever like Hermione or Percy, funny like the twins, I didn´t have the courage of Charlie, not to mention the charm and elegance of Bill... And I wasn´t even good at quidditch.
After all of my masks cast aside, I was still the same gangling, freckel faced boy with a big nose and the trademark of the Weasley family: flaming red hair. God I was ugly.
Harry was the beauty, I was the beast.
By now, tears were streaming freely on my cheeks, soaking the pillow and I was sobbing quietly to my hands. I can´t remember when I would´ve cried for someone like this, perhaps never...
I remembered something that Hermione once told me about homosexuality: she said that some muggles think being gay is a handiwork of the devil. It couldn´t be true, ´cause how something so beautifull, and warm, like love could come from the devil? Because after all, it was only a question of love, not anything else.
Eventually the tears dried and the sobs ceased and I drifted into sleep, only to dream about Harry telling me how he had allways loved me.
*************
Ron woke up late, all the others had either gone to work (Dad, Tonks and Kingsley Shacklebolt. Tonks and Kingsley had stayed for night after a long meeting behind closed doors last night) or were finishing breakfast (Ginny and Mum).
He dressed up and walked slowly, still a little groggy from sleep, downstairs and helped himself for bacon and eggs.
"Good morning Ron! Did you sleep well?" Asked his mother, she too looking as if pulled out of sleep only five minutes ago. Ron mumbled his response and tucked into his food, staring at his plate as if it would hold the great secrets of life..
"Mum, when is Harry going to come over here?" I asked. "I know it´s just been three and a half weeks when // I // we last saw him, but wouldn´t it be better for him too if he joined us?" Ginny lifted his head from The Daily Prophet to listen.
"I don´t know dear, we could ask Dumbledore tonight, he´s joining us for dinner. But you better not get your hopes up, I think we won´t see Harry untill next month. But, Dumbledore has his reasons and we must obey them..." Molly answered her speach lowering to mutter in the end, one could easily recognise the disapproval and sadness in her voice.
Rons heart sank. How could he possibly live without Harry near him for the next four weeks, he couldn´t even write to Harry because the owls might, and would be interrupted..
He finished his breakfast and decided it would ease his mind to go for a little walk outside.
Wearing nothing but worn up shorts and a T-shirt, he stepped out into the warm summer morning, a slight breeze ruffling his hair and bringing a lovely, eyes watering stench out of the litterboxes nearby.
He began wandering aimlessly in the streets, a distracted impression on his face and his mind once again concentrating on Harry.
For at the same time when Rons heart ached to see Harry, he was utterly horrified of facing him again after such a long time. Could he control his feelings? Could he stop himself from dashing to embrace Harry? Ron had no idea.
And could he live without telling him about his feelings? No, he couldn´t... But neither could he open up to him, to declare his undying love for him only to see the disgust and hatred on Harrys face... It was a catch-22 situation.
No way out.
A small, glistening teardrop fell to the ground and quickly evaporated on the hot asphalt. It looked like a star to Ron. He had eventually come to a halt, in both, his wandering and his reflections upon Harry.
He had to tell him how he felt. Otherwise he would propably burst and crack up from all these emotions, or then he would slowly wither and fade away and eventually die of grief, almost like that lonesome teardrop on hot asphalt..
Nevertheless, he couldn´t find a way how to do it. He wouldn´t do it in here, under the watching and disturbingly perceptive eyes of others and especially Mum.
Yes, he would have to wait until the next term started and he´d be safely inside the walls of Hogwarts, there it´d be easier for him to avoid Harry and dwell in misery without everyone asking whats wrong.
A car rushed past him, snapping him back to reality. How long had he been out? The sun was allready setting, the gloom increasing in corners.
//"Damn! It´s got to be over dinner time already.."// He thought and began jogging back to Grimmauld Place.
It took him awhile to get there, he´d been walking further than he´d thought.. He missed the dinner, and more important, he missed the chance to talk to Dumbledore. When Ron heard that he had already left, his heart sank again.
"But that doesn´t matter dear! We managed to persuade the old buffer to let Harry come here as soon as next week! Isn´t it wonderfull? I better make a bed for him beforehand.." Molly said when she saw Rons face turning sullen and he was allready running up the stairs to his room.
Hearing this made Rons belly seem like full of butterflies and a shy smile unfurled on his face as he danced to his room.
He would see Harry again!
*****
End of chapter one.
AN2 : Shall I continue? Thats up to you. I allready have chapter two ready but I won´t post it if I don´t get at least two reviews :)
-Shadey-poo
AN1: Sorry if the prologue was a bit short. I´ll try to write longer chapters in the future :p Everyone, here´s chapter 1. Enjoy!
***** Another Beauty
Loved by a Beast
Another tale of infinite dreams
Your eyes they were my paradise
Your smile made my sun rise.
Nightwish -Gethsemane-
*****
Rons POV.
A new feeling had entered my life. I wasn´t sure what it was but knew it was very strong and redound upon Harry, my ebony haired friend. It had slipped into my life after the battle in The Department of Mysteries, slipped so quietly, in secret, that I didn´t pay much attention to it then.
I was more worried of Harry, how could he cope with the new loss in his life? Now when Sirius had been ripped away from him, there was practically no family for Harry to lean on in difficult times and to run for shelter and comfort.
Except
//me//
my family. I was so goddamn angry at everyone for not comforting Harry, not letting him cry against their shoulder, not being there for him. Hell, no one even said to him that Sirius was in a better place now...
Why didn´t I do all of that? I don´t know, perhaps I was scared to do it. Scared that he´d push me away I pulled him into a hug or did anything like that.
But how I at the same time wanted to do it! I wanted to tell him everything´s going to be allright, whisper words of comfort to his ear when he cried in his sleep and hold him close.
That and those dreams full of intimacy and love I had been having about Harry, I believe, were the work of this new feeling.
And so Harry went back to the Dursleys for summer, and I went back to Grimmauld place, hoping that we´d see soon.
Now, as I once again lay awake in my bed the clock nearing two a.m., my brains (and my heart) begin their nightly discussions about Harry.
Is he allright? Is he safe? No and no, my brains say and give me a mental slap for being stupid, but my heart says that if I he´d be with me he´d be safe and loved.
//Loved?//
Where did that come from? Naturally I loved Harry, but in a brotherly way.. At least.. I think so...
//"No, you have a crush on Harry. And not just an ordinary crush, you´re head over heels in love with him..."// Said a tiny, voice inside me.
"No I am not, that´s just ridiculous! Absurd even.." Answered another voice, though it was even smaller than the first one. And when I thought about it, something seemed to click to it´s place inside me, like a missing peace I had been searching for who knows how long, and I finally realised that the "new feeling"was of course love.
How obvious it after all was! //"Man I can be thick sometimes.."//
But if I´m in love with Harry, I´m in love with a guy, and that means I´m gay. That train of thought lead to a great silence in my thoughts. (Which wasn´t very uncommon though..)
//Could I be? Perhaps.. Guess I am then...//
To my great surprise this didn´t shock me at all, I´ve never been very interested in girls, but not in boys either. When Charlie and Bill brought girlfriends to Burrow, Mum and Dad seemed pleased and there was really no pressure for me to get one.
But what if this was one of those "teenage-hormones-going all-crazy" things that I´ve heard of? No, it couldn´t, my mental puberty had ended ages ago, and this was just too serious to be some sort of a phase which would surpass with time, Like the one Charlie had when he was graduating from Hogwarts.. Remembering the time when he wore nothing but black leather decorated with skulls and the text "Metallica" or "AC/DC" still makes me laugh, though I haven´t got a clue what they mean.
At the same time when I brooded over these matters, I began understanding that it wasn´t so simple as it seemed. I could never have Harry, he wasn´t gay. Only a few months ago he had kissed Cho and even dated her. Though they weren´t together anymore, I wouldn´t have a chance on Harry.
I felt tears stinging in my eyes and shut them, only to see Harrys face floating in the darkness, his green eyes shining and those full red lips smiling at me.
And how would others react if I told them that I swing the other way? Surely they would laugh at me, yes, first they´d laugh, then the mocking and discrimation would begin. I could easily picture Malfoy calling me a fairy, or a fag, and a whole lot of other things.
And to Mum and Dad, it´d be only another thing to add to the list of my disappointments.. I´d be even more nothing, than I allready am, even more less-considerated and regarded.
And to make matters worse, I realised with an ache in my chest, that Harry would most likely be disgusted when I told about my feelings to him. He could never accept it, he´d hate me for that and I would loose him forever. Something I wouldn´t want to think about. I couldn´t stand my life without Harry on my side. For I had no other true friends beside him, I sure liked Hermione but I couldn´t imagine about talking the things to her what Harry and I shared.
To think of it, what other reasons than Harry did I actually have to live?
For I wasn´t special in any way, I was one of those people you could see in a croud without really seeing them, in other words I belonged to grey people. I wasn´t clever like Hermione or Percy, funny like the twins, I didn´t have the courage of Charlie, not to mention the charm and elegance of Bill... And I wasn´t even good at quidditch.
After all of my masks cast aside, I was still the same gangling, freckel faced boy with a big nose and the trademark of the Weasley family: flaming red hair. God I was ugly.
Harry was the beauty, I was the beast.
By now, tears were streaming freely on my cheeks, soaking the pillow and I was sobbing quietly to my hands. I can´t remember when I would´ve cried for someone like this, perhaps never...
I remembered something that Hermione once told me about homosexuality: she said that some muggles think being gay is a handiwork of the devil. It couldn´t be true, ´cause how something so beautifull, and warm, like love could come from the devil? Because after all, it was only a question of love, not anything else.
Eventually the tears dried and the sobs ceased and I drifted into sleep, only to dream about Harry telling me how he had allways loved me.
*************
Ron woke up late, all the others had either gone to work (Dad, Tonks and Kingsley Shacklebolt. Tonks and Kingsley had stayed for night after a long meeting behind closed doors last night) or were finishing breakfast (Ginny and Mum).
He dressed up and walked slowly, still a little groggy from sleep, downstairs and helped himself for bacon and eggs.
"Good morning Ron! Did you sleep well?" Asked his mother, she too looking as if pulled out of sleep only five minutes ago. Ron mumbled his response and tucked into his food, staring at his plate as if it would hold the great secrets of life..
"Mum, when is Harry going to come over here?" I asked. "I know it´s just been three and a half weeks when // I // we last saw him, but wouldn´t it be better for him too if he joined us?" Ginny lifted his head from The Daily Prophet to listen.
"I don´t know dear, we could ask Dumbledore tonight, he´s joining us for dinner. But you better not get your hopes up, I think we won´t see Harry untill next month. But, Dumbledore has his reasons and we must obey them..." Molly answered her speach lowering to mutter in the end, one could easily recognise the disapproval and sadness in her voice.
Rons heart sank. How could he possibly live without Harry near him for the next four weeks, he couldn´t even write to Harry because the owls might, and would be interrupted..
He finished his breakfast and decided it would ease his mind to go for a little walk outside.
Wearing nothing but worn up shorts and a T-shirt, he stepped out into the warm summer morning, a slight breeze ruffling his hair and bringing a lovely, eyes watering stench out of the litterboxes nearby.
He began wandering aimlessly in the streets, a distracted impression on his face and his mind once again concentrating on Harry.
For at the same time when Rons heart ached to see Harry, he was utterly horrified of facing him again after such a long time. Could he control his feelings? Could he stop himself from dashing to embrace Harry? Ron had no idea.
And could he live without telling him about his feelings? No, he couldn´t... But neither could he open up to him, to declare his undying love for him only to see the disgust and hatred on Harrys face... It was a catch-22 situation.
No way out.
A small, glistening teardrop fell to the ground and quickly evaporated on the hot asphalt. It looked like a star to Ron. He had eventually come to a halt, in both, his wandering and his reflections upon Harry.
He had to tell him how he felt. Otherwise he would propably burst and crack up from all these emotions, or then he would slowly wither and fade away and eventually die of grief, almost like that lonesome teardrop on hot asphalt..
Nevertheless, he couldn´t find a way how to do it. He wouldn´t do it in here, under the watching and disturbingly perceptive eyes of others and especially Mum.
Yes, he would have to wait until the next term started and he´d be safely inside the walls of Hogwarts, there it´d be easier for him to avoid Harry and dwell in misery without everyone asking whats wrong.
A car rushed past him, snapping him back to reality. How long had he been out? The sun was allready setting, the gloom increasing in corners.
//"Damn! It´s got to be over dinner time already.."// He thought and began jogging back to Grimmauld Place.
It took him awhile to get there, he´d been walking further than he´d thought.. He missed the dinner, and more important, he missed the chance to talk to Dumbledore. When Ron heard that he had already left, his heart sank again.
"But that doesn´t matter dear! We managed to persuade the old buffer to let Harry come here as soon as next week! Isn´t it wonderfull? I better make a bed for him beforehand.." Molly said when she saw Rons face turning sullen and he was allready running up the stairs to his room.
Hearing this made Rons belly seem like full of butterflies and a shy smile unfurled on his face as he danced to his room.
He would see Harry again!
*****
End of chapter one.
AN2 : Shall I continue? Thats up to you. I allready have chapter two ready but I won´t post it if I don´t get at least two reviews :)
-Shadey-poo