Chapter 8- Love and Questions
AN(*****PLEASE READ******): Sorry it took me so long to update (hides head) I've been having some computer difficulties and my life's been really hectic lately but please please please review! Sorry to all you who didn't want Alex's POV, I hope you liked it anyway because I just felt like I didn't have a clear picture of him. I hope his little addition develops him in your mind as much as writing it did in mine. And I would just love some feedback on where my male characters are weak!!!!!!!! And just a forewarning Imagine by John Lennon has nothing to do with the story but I chose it in reflection of the war and because I am a dreamer.
Imagine there's no heaven,
It's easy if you try,
No hell below us,
Above us only sky,
Imagine all the people
living for today...
Imagine there's no countries,
It isn't hard to do,
Nothing to kill or die for,
No religion too,
Imagine all the people
living life in peace...
Imagine no possessions,
I wonder if you can,
No need for greed or hunger,
A brotherhood of man,
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world...
You may say I'm a dreamer,
but I'm not the only one,
I hope some day you'll join us,
And the world will live as one.
-Imagine (John Lennon)
Alexander Jerrold woke up that morning with a slight frown on his lips and a clear truth in his head. He was in love, he knew it and it was going to drive him crazy him. If nothing else the sweet tantalizing smell Lei had left on his clothes was going to do it. The perfume she had been wearing was an popular (if expensive) smell was appealing but under that was the rich, tangy smell that was entirely her own and twice as erotic.
Last night had been a bittersweet victory for him. He had thought as he fell asleep the night before with her unknowing curled up next to him, her warm cheek on his chest and her body relaxed in sleep that nothing could spoil his good mood. But the fact that the object of his affection had left was threatening to prove him wrong.
He had known he was in love with Lei for ages now. At first he had mistook his love for her as lust and that was undoubtedly part of it, as she was a very beautiful woman. But many of the court girls back home were beautiful and he had never had the sort of heart-wrenching, knees weak sensations he felt around her.
He had begun dropping subtle hints (all of which she had ignored) and it had gotten him nowhere but frustrated and so sliding down the stair rail with her had seemed like real progress.
But then his mind looped back around to her leaving and why she would do that if she was romantically interested in him and his hopes were dashed. He couldn't understand her.
"Why do you have to be so confusing?" He asked a loud sitting up and putting his head in his hands.
He didn't really know he was more talking to, Lei or what ever spiteful deity that was looking over his life.
He wondered if she even knew how badly he wanted her, how she traipsed through his dreams in all her tantalizing and unattainable glory. He doubted it, doubted it would make her anything but uncomfortable around him.
He stood and once he remembered where they'd left the rope and retraced their steps he headed back to his room. He would have liked to talk to Lei right away but he remembered that she had been drafted for lunch with the De Lacs.
He supposed the worst part about falling in love with her was that she was so close. She was around him everyday but she might have been oceans away. It would have been easier to pretend that she was only a dear friend if he didn't have to see her everyday.
He opened his door and threw himself down on the bed wishing he was back home where things made the slightest bit of sense but even more then that wishing he could turn back time to last night.
**Back to Lei's POV**
On the very first warm day, Alex, Mathew, the damn dog and I went swimming. More accurately the boys went swimming, the dog slept and I watched them while pretending to read.
I found it was difficult but not impossible to pretend to be light hearted again and Alex wasn't any help at all. One moment he'd seem almost interested and the next he'd virtually ignore me. Between him, Harmony, Mathew (who had noticed my odd behavior and was constantly calling me on it) and the other bits of my life I felt like I was trying to hold sugar in a sieve.
Not that I didn't enjoy my time with them and they were kind enough to make sure I would enjoy even if I couldn't participate in all activities even with my broken arm (complements of the epic fight with Harmony).
But finally they became exhausted of swimming and climbed out to shake water all over me. Alex looked great with his jet-black hair all mussed from the water, shirt off and golden chest glistening in the sun. It was enough to make my knees weak enough to be glad I was already sitting or I surely would have toppled over.
"So Lei what do you think is going to happen to us when we're older?" Mathew asked once they were comfortable in the soft grass near me.
I had to think about that. "Strangely enough I think Alex here will be a king someday." I said finally.
"Now where would you ever get an idea like that?" Alex asked sounding genuinely shocked.
"Well I'm inclined to agree with her, you do have a sort of kingly manner about you." Mathew agreed. "Ok so what do you think you and I will end up as?"
"You can be what ever you want, if you became the Court Jester I wouldn't bat an eye." I said after a moment's debate.
"And what about you?" Alex asked looking really interested.
"Oh I don't know, get married, have kids, I've never really thought about it." I admitted.
"What about love?" He persisted.
A few months ago that would have been an easy question to answer. 'Of course I want to fall in love, who wouldn't?' I would have asked but now it was more complicated. I couldn't decide if I would rather have not fallen for Alex. On the more practical side my arm wouldn't be broken and I wouldn't get the sort of painful achy longing in my chest every time he danced with someone else at the sings. But would I really want to live my whole life with the pleasant tickling butterflies I got in my stomach when I looked at him.
I bit my lip, I couldn't directly lie or they would surely catch me out so I told the truth. "I'd like to fall in love but I'd want to do it under practical circumstances." I said and then went on to explain. "For example I wouldn't want to fall in love with someone already married or someone who already found love."
"But the real question is would you still rather fall in love with that hypothetical married man even if you could never do more then dream about it?" Mathew asked turning over onto his belly so he could face me.
I shrugged. "I couldn't tell you." That wasn't exactly a lie, I didn't know but my response also implied I had never been in that situation and while I hadn't I was in a similar one. "What about you, are you glad you fell in love with Allison?" I asked.
"Yes." He said without a moment's hesitation.
You're a braver person then I am Mathew, I thought.
"What about you Alex, would you rather not love then love and not have your love returned?" Mathew asked.
He took a long while to answer and when he did for some reason he looked right at me with one of his most unreadable expressions. "I'm with you, I'd rather have my heart broken then never use it."
Now what exactly was that supposed to mean?
AN: You guys rock, I would just like to point that out. I'm hoping to make it to 90 reviews before the next ch. But that may be hoping for a little much but please review!!!! So anyway I am going to take a few moments and answer some of my reviews (just from ch. 7 though all of you who reviewed rock just as much) and I hope to make this a habit if you guys like it.
To cheler
Thank you so much it's always nice to have someone tell you they like your stuff.
To: clarylissa
Hope you get better but due to the horrible hecticness of my life you're probably not only better but can't remember the last time you were sick.
To Ella Lee:
I absolutely love long reviews, they simply make my day and I once wrote a whole chapter because of one review so just keep kicking my ass in gear when I get lazy please
To charmgirl
Thanks, there's really not much more to say
To unnamed
Thanks I'm glad you enjoyed it
Shaylee Isobelle
I was shooting for sweet so that's good to hear, I'd like your comments (and everyone who bothered to read this too) about how I wrote Alex, I've never been able to tell if I write good male perspective
To Britt
I tried to write what you suggested but it just came out all muddled, sorry to disappoint you
To Celestrial Eclipse
I love your name (just to start) and I'm sorry it took to long to update, trying to make it longer
To Princess of the Phone Booth
Sorry, I hope it wasn't to confusing, please tell me if I made Alex off at all and I'll try to rectify it in the next chappy
To Cathy
Always good to hear from another Beatles lover, I love that song and I will defiantly try to work it in (sorry in advance if I cant)
To snapdragon
If you want to know about the title I actually picked it because.well I'll explain at the end cause if I said now it would give it away. But yes I love the Beatles and everything to do with them
To Clover
Sorry it took so long to update
To ZombieGurl
I hope once again that switching POVs didn't loose anyone but I would love some feedback on how Alex character came out. And I am in agreement with you on the second count, what Harmony needs a good thrashing
To heavengurl899
I'm glad you like it, keep reviewing please!
To cat
Thanks so much
To Selena-Sira
I made Lei and Mathew talkative for a couple of reasons, the first is practical. It wouldn't make much of a story if they were quiet all the time now would it? And the second is just because it sort of sets them away from the stereo type of Ayortha
To Goldberry
I would be happy to mail you and I'm glad you like my story
Ella E. Fan
Ah, a fellow romantic, never fear there will be lots of smooches in later chapters
To melissa
I would love to hear if Alex's section helped you get a better understanding of him and what questions you would like answered about him
To me
I am so sorry about the delay I really am, please forgive me
To Clare
I love your name, that's exactly how my best friend spells it to. Anyway, I hope you like Alex's POV as well and am glad you like it
Wheww well hope you liked it and please review
Xoxoxox love you always
Locke
AN(*****PLEASE READ******): Sorry it took me so long to update (hides head) I've been having some computer difficulties and my life's been really hectic lately but please please please review! Sorry to all you who didn't want Alex's POV, I hope you liked it anyway because I just felt like I didn't have a clear picture of him. I hope his little addition develops him in your mind as much as writing it did in mine. And I would just love some feedback on where my male characters are weak!!!!!!!! And just a forewarning Imagine by John Lennon has nothing to do with the story but I chose it in reflection of the war and because I am a dreamer.
Imagine there's no heaven,
It's easy if you try,
No hell below us,
Above us only sky,
Imagine all the people
living for today...
Imagine there's no countries,
It isn't hard to do,
Nothing to kill or die for,
No religion too,
Imagine all the people
living life in peace...
Imagine no possessions,
I wonder if you can,
No need for greed or hunger,
A brotherhood of man,
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world...
You may say I'm a dreamer,
but I'm not the only one,
I hope some day you'll join us,
And the world will live as one.
-Imagine (John Lennon)
Alexander Jerrold woke up that morning with a slight frown on his lips and a clear truth in his head. He was in love, he knew it and it was going to drive him crazy him. If nothing else the sweet tantalizing smell Lei had left on his clothes was going to do it. The perfume she had been wearing was an popular (if expensive) smell was appealing but under that was the rich, tangy smell that was entirely her own and twice as erotic.
Last night had been a bittersweet victory for him. He had thought as he fell asleep the night before with her unknowing curled up next to him, her warm cheek on his chest and her body relaxed in sleep that nothing could spoil his good mood. But the fact that the object of his affection had left was threatening to prove him wrong.
He had known he was in love with Lei for ages now. At first he had mistook his love for her as lust and that was undoubtedly part of it, as she was a very beautiful woman. But many of the court girls back home were beautiful and he had never had the sort of heart-wrenching, knees weak sensations he felt around her.
He had begun dropping subtle hints (all of which she had ignored) and it had gotten him nowhere but frustrated and so sliding down the stair rail with her had seemed like real progress.
But then his mind looped back around to her leaving and why she would do that if she was romantically interested in him and his hopes were dashed. He couldn't understand her.
"Why do you have to be so confusing?" He asked a loud sitting up and putting his head in his hands.
He didn't really know he was more talking to, Lei or what ever spiteful deity that was looking over his life.
He wondered if she even knew how badly he wanted her, how she traipsed through his dreams in all her tantalizing and unattainable glory. He doubted it, doubted it would make her anything but uncomfortable around him.
He stood and once he remembered where they'd left the rope and retraced their steps he headed back to his room. He would have liked to talk to Lei right away but he remembered that she had been drafted for lunch with the De Lacs.
He supposed the worst part about falling in love with her was that she was so close. She was around him everyday but she might have been oceans away. It would have been easier to pretend that she was only a dear friend if he didn't have to see her everyday.
He opened his door and threw himself down on the bed wishing he was back home where things made the slightest bit of sense but even more then that wishing he could turn back time to last night.
**Back to Lei's POV**
On the very first warm day, Alex, Mathew, the damn dog and I went swimming. More accurately the boys went swimming, the dog slept and I watched them while pretending to read.
I found it was difficult but not impossible to pretend to be light hearted again and Alex wasn't any help at all. One moment he'd seem almost interested and the next he'd virtually ignore me. Between him, Harmony, Mathew (who had noticed my odd behavior and was constantly calling me on it) and the other bits of my life I felt like I was trying to hold sugar in a sieve.
Not that I didn't enjoy my time with them and they were kind enough to make sure I would enjoy even if I couldn't participate in all activities even with my broken arm (complements of the epic fight with Harmony).
But finally they became exhausted of swimming and climbed out to shake water all over me. Alex looked great with his jet-black hair all mussed from the water, shirt off and golden chest glistening in the sun. It was enough to make my knees weak enough to be glad I was already sitting or I surely would have toppled over.
"So Lei what do you think is going to happen to us when we're older?" Mathew asked once they were comfortable in the soft grass near me.
I had to think about that. "Strangely enough I think Alex here will be a king someday." I said finally.
"Now where would you ever get an idea like that?" Alex asked sounding genuinely shocked.
"Well I'm inclined to agree with her, you do have a sort of kingly manner about you." Mathew agreed. "Ok so what do you think you and I will end up as?"
"You can be what ever you want, if you became the Court Jester I wouldn't bat an eye." I said after a moment's debate.
"And what about you?" Alex asked looking really interested.
"Oh I don't know, get married, have kids, I've never really thought about it." I admitted.
"What about love?" He persisted.
A few months ago that would have been an easy question to answer. 'Of course I want to fall in love, who wouldn't?' I would have asked but now it was more complicated. I couldn't decide if I would rather have not fallen for Alex. On the more practical side my arm wouldn't be broken and I wouldn't get the sort of painful achy longing in my chest every time he danced with someone else at the sings. But would I really want to live my whole life with the pleasant tickling butterflies I got in my stomach when I looked at him.
I bit my lip, I couldn't directly lie or they would surely catch me out so I told the truth. "I'd like to fall in love but I'd want to do it under practical circumstances." I said and then went on to explain. "For example I wouldn't want to fall in love with someone already married or someone who already found love."
"But the real question is would you still rather fall in love with that hypothetical married man even if you could never do more then dream about it?" Mathew asked turning over onto his belly so he could face me.
I shrugged. "I couldn't tell you." That wasn't exactly a lie, I didn't know but my response also implied I had never been in that situation and while I hadn't I was in a similar one. "What about you, are you glad you fell in love with Allison?" I asked.
"Yes." He said without a moment's hesitation.
You're a braver person then I am Mathew, I thought.
"What about you Alex, would you rather not love then love and not have your love returned?" Mathew asked.
He took a long while to answer and when he did for some reason he looked right at me with one of his most unreadable expressions. "I'm with you, I'd rather have my heart broken then never use it."
Now what exactly was that supposed to mean?
AN: You guys rock, I would just like to point that out. I'm hoping to make it to 90 reviews before the next ch. But that may be hoping for a little much but please review!!!! So anyway I am going to take a few moments and answer some of my reviews (just from ch. 7 though all of you who reviewed rock just as much) and I hope to make this a habit if you guys like it.
To cheler
Thank you so much it's always nice to have someone tell you they like your stuff.
To: clarylissa
Hope you get better but due to the horrible hecticness of my life you're probably not only better but can't remember the last time you were sick.
To Ella Lee:
I absolutely love long reviews, they simply make my day and I once wrote a whole chapter because of one review so just keep kicking my ass in gear when I get lazy please
To charmgirl
Thanks, there's really not much more to say
To unnamed
Thanks I'm glad you enjoyed it
Shaylee Isobelle
I was shooting for sweet so that's good to hear, I'd like your comments (and everyone who bothered to read this too) about how I wrote Alex, I've never been able to tell if I write good male perspective
To Britt
I tried to write what you suggested but it just came out all muddled, sorry to disappoint you
To Celestrial Eclipse
I love your name (just to start) and I'm sorry it took to long to update, trying to make it longer
To Princess of the Phone Booth
Sorry, I hope it wasn't to confusing, please tell me if I made Alex off at all and I'll try to rectify it in the next chappy
To Cathy
Always good to hear from another Beatles lover, I love that song and I will defiantly try to work it in (sorry in advance if I cant)
To snapdragon
If you want to know about the title I actually picked it because.well I'll explain at the end cause if I said now it would give it away. But yes I love the Beatles and everything to do with them
To Clover
Sorry it took so long to update
To ZombieGurl
I hope once again that switching POVs didn't loose anyone but I would love some feedback on how Alex character came out. And I am in agreement with you on the second count, what Harmony needs a good thrashing
To heavengurl899
I'm glad you like it, keep reviewing please!
To cat
Thanks so much
To Selena-Sira
I made Lei and Mathew talkative for a couple of reasons, the first is practical. It wouldn't make much of a story if they were quiet all the time now would it? And the second is just because it sort of sets them away from the stereo type of Ayortha
To Goldberry
I would be happy to mail you and I'm glad you like my story
Ella E. Fan
Ah, a fellow romantic, never fear there will be lots of smooches in later chapters
To melissa
I would love to hear if Alex's section helped you get a better understanding of him and what questions you would like answered about him
To me
I am so sorry about the delay I really am, please forgive me
To Clare
I love your name, that's exactly how my best friend spells it to. Anyway, I hope you like Alex's POV as well and am glad you like it
Wheww well hope you liked it and please review
Xoxoxox love you always
Locke