Pt. 10 "The Nickger Short Film"
Narrator: It was late evening in the 40½ acre wood, and all was quiet. The cast lay asleep, Drew lay drunk off his stuffed with fluff ass, and Nickger sat skimming through the TV networks.
(We see Nickger going through the channels in his home)
Nickger: You'd think there'd be something on this late. I mean, 700 channels and nothing. Maybe something happened in the world that applies to me (laughs) ya right…so news it is.
Guy on News: Also, there has been a report of a strange creature south of the 40½ acre wood area.
Nickger: This looks interesting.
Guy on News: (To Nickger) don't interrupt me.
Nickger : sorry.
Guy on News: The creature was short, with orange fur, stripes, a spring-like tail, and was described as very bouncy. It was seen briefly and (to Nickger) kinda looked like you.
Nickger: (confused) that's impossible. I'm the only one like me…I think.
(Runs to his closet and pulls out a box)
Nickger: Where is it? (rummages through the box) Aha! (Runs back to TV) See, this note eve says I'm the only one!
Guy on News: Hmmm (reading fine print) Uh…you may want to check that fine print.
Nickger: (Checking fine print) …. "Note: may not be only one in the world." So.. There may be another?
Guy on News: Dunno, I don't write this stuff, I just report it. (TV goes off)
Nickger: Hmm… another of my species. I gotta talk to Drew.
(Nickger heads towards Drew's house. The lights are off and rock music is playing)
Nickger: Must be a good night (walks in) Drew?
Drew: (from dark music-filled room) Yo! Wassup?
Nickger: (walking into the room) You're plastered aren't you?
Drew: Does it show (3 empty cases of 12 can be seen) What you want bro?
Nickger: I've learned that they're may be another of my species. What should I do?
Drew: Well, you could look for it. But the, you'd need to know what it looks like, and you never know with those goats (passes out)
Nickger: …Right. I'm gone (leaves) Hmm…go look for it. Should I?
(Nickger is seen sitting on his bed having a drink)
Nickger: Well, tomorrow's another day. Maybe I'll figure out what to do then. (Falls asleep)
(Dream Sequence)
(We see a small garden surrounded by a fence. Two Lawn Gnomes are in it, as is Nickger)
Nickger: (looking around) Shit, this is new.
Lawn Gnome #1: New it is.
Lawn Gnome #2: As is your chance.
Nickger: My what?
Lawn Gnome #1: Your chances of survival.
Lawn Gnome #2: There is another. Find it you must.
Nickger: Why?
Lawn Gnome #2: Because from 2, flow many.
Lawn Gnome #1: The last you are. More, there must be.
Nickger: I see. I need to find the other one.
Lawn Gnomes: And breed like rabbits. Now wake up!
(Nickger wakes up, sitting up fast)
Nickger: Wow…What was I smoking? (Remembers dream) Allright, I must go South and find the other me.
(Packs a bag)
Nickger: Off I go, on a quest to repopulate…whatever it is I am (leaves).
(We see Nickger head down the Southern path as the sun rises)
( 5 Hours Later)
(We see Stiglet sitting on a log with something in his hands. Ropher appears from a hole in front of him)
Ropher: What'ya got there pig?
Stiglet: Not sure, that Jalicat from the last chapter left it here.
Ropher: Looks like one of those finger trap things. Lemme see.
Stiglet: No, I found it (the two fight, and a clicking sound is heard) Oh shit!
Ropher: What? (sees that they're stuck together by the trap) Oh shit. What do we do?
Stiglet: We get out of it. Pull! (Begins to pull, as does Ropher) PULL!! (Finger trap snaps back, Ropher and Stiglet smash into each other)
Ropher: Any other bright ideas?
Stiglet: Hold on. (looks around, sees a tree) Run toward that tree.!
(They run at the tree, the trap wrapping around the tree and making Stiglet and Ropher smash into each other)
Ropher: Allright, I got a better idea.
(We see them attempt to cut the trap, scissors break. They put it in the mouth of a vicious dog, teeth shatter)
(2 Hours Later)
(Stiglet and Ropher, still trapped, look really tired)
Stiglet: We've tried cutting, ripping, shattering and detonating.
Ropher: And all we have to show for it is a lot of bruises. Face it, we're stuck.
(Fowul flies near them)
Fowul: Hey…what happened to you guys?
Stiglet: We've been trying to get free of this damn finger trap.
Ropher: We've tried everything
Fowul: (examining trap) Hmm.. Did you try this? (presses middle with wing tip. Trap opens)
Stiglet: Free!!
Ropher: I take back all the shit I said about you bird-boy!
Fowul: what shit?
Stiglet: Forget it, we're free! We can do whatever we want (stands till for a minute) Let's go see Nickger.
Fowul: That might be a little difficult.
Ropher: Why?
Fowul: I saw Nickger leave his house around dawn with a backpack heading down the south path.
Stiglet: What!! The bastard left without saying anything?
Fowul: Well, I did see him leaving Drew's last night.
Stiglet: Ah…You mean he told fat ass and not us?
Ropher: Dude, relax. Let's go ask Drew where Nickger was heading, then we can hunt him down.
(The three head towards Drew's house. He's in his bathroom hurling his guts out)
Drew: (hung over) Oh… I should've known I would pay for those 36 fucking beers (hurls)(doorbell rings) It's open! (hurls)
(The 3 walk in and see Drew on the floor hurling)
Fowul: Bad Night?
Drew: Does it show? (hurls) Uhh…(gets up) What can I do for you gentlemen?
Stiglet: Bird boy says he saw Nickger leave your house last night and then heading down the south path at dawn.
Drew: Hmm… I vaguely remember him saying something about finding something. Then I blacked out.
Ropher: Good enough. Hey Bird boy, think you can fly around the south path and track him?
Fowul: Sure. He's only been gone 7 hours, how far could he go? (Stiglet, Ropher and Drew stare blankly) Oh…
(Ropher, Stiglet and Drew got outside as Fowul flies up)
Drew: Go find our moronic friend!
Ropher: You're not coming with us?
Drew: Nope, I gotta work off this hangover.
Fowul: I'll fly up, you two follow me.
Stiglet: Allright, let's go. Laters ya drunk.
Drew: Good luck (watches them leave) Now that their gone (hurls) Back to the porcelain jukebox (Goes inside)
(We see Nickger as he heads down the South path into the lower regions. He stops by a pond)
Nickger: I've been on the path 7 hours, still no sign of this "other", all alone, and….I'm talking to myself. Where's that Narrator when I need him?
Narrator: You rang?
Nickger: Yes. What happens next?
Narrator: Lemme check (checks script) Hmm…something about you finding something in a while.
Nickger: When?
Narrator: Sorry, break time!
Nickger: You little son of a- (footsteps can be heard) Oh shit…there's something out there. I'm gone! (runs off, smacks into a tree) On second thought, maybe I'll take a nap (passes out)
(We see Stiglet and Ropher walking through the woods, following Fowul)
Stiglet: Hey Bird boy, any sign of him?
Fowul: (from air) Nope. Couple of crushed branches, footprints, dung.
Ropher: dung?
Fowul: Oh wait, that's mine! (lands near them)
Stiglet: This is getting as nowhere! We might as well turn right around! (Turns, slips on the turd and slides through some bushes and down a hill) SHIT!!!
Ropher: (looking through bushes) Pig-brain? Buddy? You Allright?
Stiglet: (still sliding) SHIT!!!
Fowul: I'll take that as a no. Come on! (pushes Ropher down hill, follows) SHIT!!!
(20 mins later)
(We see all 3 of them, still falling)
Group: SHIT!!
Ropher: How far down does this hill go? (hits the ground) Son of a-(looks around) Nickger!
Fowul: (reaching ground) Son of a Nickger? What the fuck?
Ropher: No, I meant Nickger. He's here. He passed out, but he's here!
Stiglet: (falling) out of the way! (bowls down the others, lands ass first on Nickger's lower torso)
Nickger: (waking up, seeing Stiglet) What the? Didn't we go through this last chapter?
Stiglet: (getting up) Dude! We found you! (punches him) That's for leaving without telling us.
Nickger: Sorry. Look, long story (hears footsteps again) Oh shit, it's out there again!
Ropher: What's out there again?
Nickger: Not sure, last time it was out there, I ran into a tree.
Stiglet: Great
Ropher: it's closing in. (footsteps stop) Wait, I don't here it anymore.
Nickger: Neither do I. (another sound is heard) Wait, that sounds familiar.
Stiglet: (listening) Ya it does.
Fowul: Wait a minute. Nickger, bounce on your tail.
Nickger: Ok (bounces) but why? (listens) Wait, that's why it's familiar.
Fowul: But that means…
(Bushes rustle)
Nickger: That means whatever it is is here!
(Group cowers. A shape walks from the bushes. Fowul looks, wide-eyed)
Fowul: What they (pokes the others) Guys, check this!
Group: What? (wide-eyed) What the?!
(The shape looks like Nickger, except shorter and female looking)
Nickger: You're the-
Stigger: -Last one!
(The two hug as Stiglet, Ropher and Fowul look)
Fowul: So that's why he left. He misses casual sex.
Ropher: (looking from Fowul to the others and back) Someone care to explain what's going on?
Drew: (appearing from the bushes, dressed like Morpheus) I will.
Group: Drew!
Stigger: Who's the fat guy?
Drew: I am Drew, and I know much about you Stigger. But first (to Ropher/Stiglet/Fowul) Nickger here learned that there was another like him/ I told him to go find it, and then sent you three after him.
Stiglet: But why?
Drew: Why not? Now let's go home. I believe you two have work to do. Follow me
Nickger: Snooch. Let's go.
(5 mins later)
(We see Drew, Nickger, Fowul, Ropher, Stiglet and Stigger back in the 40½ acre wood)
Ropher: You mean you knew a way to the south and didn't tell us?
Nickger: I was out there for 7 hours when it was only 5 minutes away? Why?
Drew: Needed to fill up chapter time (watches Nickger and Stigger leave)
Fowul: Makes sense. Where'd the lovebirds go?
Drew: To repopulate their species, in a sense. We'll see them again in a day or two.
(7 hours later)
(We see outside Nickger's house. Nickger and Stigger are inside "catching up")
Nickger: Oh shit! Oh ya, oh yaa!!
Stigger: Fuck it's been so long!!!
(We see inside. The two are under the sheets, obviously spent)
Stigger: This is the best I've ever had. 7 hours of continuous sex.
Nickger: Shit.. The lawn gnomes didn't tell me it'd be this good.
Stigger: Lawn gnomes?
Nickger: Forget it. Ready for hour 8?
(Stigger and Nickger disappear beneath the sheets. We cut to Drew's house. He is sitting down with a beer)
Drew: Well, it seems all is well in the world. I'm sober, Nickger's sex drive in back up, Stiglet, Ropher and Fowul have newfound respect for each other, and we got a guest cast member without doing anything… wait. Something's not right.
(Drew takes a swig when there's a knock at the door)
Drew: Hold on (opens the door. Janga and Soo are there) What's up?
Janga: We got a message from the author.
Drew: When?
Soo: While you were passed out. He gave us this note.
Janga: Sound important… and meaningless.
Drew: That sounds like the author. Lemme see. ( Reads note) Uh-huh, uh-huh.. Oh no, Oh God no!
Soo: What? What is it?
Janga: (waving hand in front of Drew) Hello? Drew? You in there?
Drew: (snapping out of shock) Oh shit… We gotta get to Nickgers, pronto!
Both: Why?
Drew: No time to explain, just call the others and meet me there (runs out door, note in hand)
Janga: Wonder what this is about.
Soo: I guess we'll find out. Let's go.
(We see Drew arrive at Nickgers. He bust in the door)
Drew: Hold everything! (eyes go wide, goes back outside, door closed) Put that thing away!
Nickger: (from inside) It's just some health food I found, calm down.
Stigger: What do you want anyways, we're a little busy.
Drew: (stepping back in, other cast behind him.) Shit, that means I'm too late. Well, since your all here, I got some news from the author.
Cast: What is it?
Drew: There's…there's a slight chance Nickger and his little fuck-friend are..are..
Cast: Are what??
Drew: Related. As in brother or sister.
Cast: Holy Shit!!! (Nickger and Stigger faint)
Narrator: Oh my, what a way to end this book. What surprises await us in Book 2? Will we find out if the fuck friends are related? Do we even care?
Neyore: Not really.
Narrator: As I thought. But answers to these questions and more, in Winnie the Drew, Book 2!
Drew: We hope. And if not, Laters Days!
The End (of Story 10 and Book 1)