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Disclaimer: ~ What? Me? Own tekken? Are you stupid? ~
Da Author: Aaa yes, my crap-cocky humor is back in all it's nature and in our midst, today I am going to share it with you. Yes, share and share alike I'd say. Not a good thing. My two latest targets are: "Me (Lahtinah or Naoko) and the infamous all time writer 'Knightwing'" (lord help us -_-') I know that many other people have done this topic a Million and one times. Let me assure you, this is just for fun. So for the love of god don't get deranged or twisted. I ain't here to tell you where to go. Don't go changing your views just from I wrote here. Or in actual fact on anything I write anywhere. If you do that you'll be sweet. All right ONWARD SILVER AWAAAAY!
Summary: ~ "This is where all the sh*z hits the fan and explodes in all different directions of this story. How I 'so happened' to get kicked out of reality and just get face planted in to the famous great Namco arcade game of all time. Yup, the number one Tekken. What Happends when a certain Playstation Magazine just happened to be one of a kind Oi! Man… can't wait for this. -_-'" ~
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"Heaven isn't hard enough, Hell aint even stronger…but NAMCO?!?!?"
By Lahtinah Kerrigan.
Mornings suck ass-monkey.
"Damn you daylight savings"
Dude did the world hear about it that day. I ripped in to my bed and found one of my pillows and aggressively conquered the alarm clock. My greatest foe. Getting up. My hair was something that Picasso had composed when he was drunk watching the fat ladies singing. It was baad. It looked like something nested in it. Or someone.
I hauled my unfortunate ass out of my bed and into the shower. After tripping a few good times I made it there…just. Turning it on, there was no hot water. "Aww don't do this…" I moaned half faint-heartedly. Sighing deeply I got my robe on and went up stairs. And you would not believe the mess my house was in. It was a bombshell. I saw a red head on the floor with smashed CD cases and guitar picks scattered everywhere. Ripped Ralph mags and torn car seat covers. My no good brother passed out with an empty 2 litter bottle of cream in his hand. The usual scene every morning. No guesses there, he's probably the one who caused the hot water failure. I kicked him. He moaned and stretched all over the floor. For a 19 year old, that's whacko if you ask me.
Sitting there in my normal daze of staring at pure nothing, I began to daydream. Every now and then I would kick my brother just to stop him from snoring. It irritates me. As I began to click back in to reality, I realized what I was staring at. As that happened I noticed that it was a calendar, what made me notice it even more is that…today was circled in red. I got up and took a long look at it. It had no notes explaining why it was like that; it was early in the morning so it took me a while to figure it out.
A while passed, a good fifteen minuets or so, and voila… I got it. It was the day that the next months Playstation Magazine comes out in local mags and bookstores. With that excitement I rushed back in to my room to get changed. Tripping over My niece's teddie bears and Diva dolls, Barbie magazines and nail polish, my sister-in-law's shoes and … well more shoes I made it back to my bedroom. For only me, my brother, his wife and daughter… the place was a flippin' disaster, I mean even Oscar the Grouch off sesame street wouldn't want to live in there, it's sooo dirty. Shaking my head I turned my back against that.
It was my study break from class. A whole two weeks of pure vegetating on my beloved couch. Much deserved no less.
But today? I forgot to turn the alarm clock off each night before I go to sleep. And now I'm paying for it this morning. That so called 'clock' was flashing 5am in the morning. HELL.
"You win" I muttered to the clock. Just picturing the clock point the fingers and smirking at me.
I checked the mail and there it was…. The one thing that made everything all okay. The Playstation magazine. I ripped the clear package open and pulled out the free CD of demos and other cool sh*z, and to my delight, there it was, the moment I have been waiting for. The review for tekken Five has finally arrived on my shores of mission bay –kohimarama- in Aotearoa (New Zealand). I mean sure I would of found out if I was living in Japan. But in New Zealand… it's a pretty big deal, once your living in the southern hemisphere you'll know all about it. Because it was daylight savings, it was still pretty much dark, but I sat at that letterbox not even noticing the pinching cold, reading the review and gorgeous pictures of Tekken five. Smirking and smiling every now and then, laughing and swearing, it was a joy and delight all in it's self. I'd say that it was a normal sight for everybody to see.
"Hey Maw, dat dun kid is out 'ere on dis ere pathway" One of the neighbors hollered out.
"Hey Lah lah!" One of the bikers, which train at this time of the morning waved, passed me. I smiled and waved back in returned.
"Hey Naiyesha!" I spoke with out daring to life my eyes from the page. She smiled in the notion of understanding a continued to ride off.
Parked like a little school kid with a new toy to try out, I was reading till dawn. The sweetest thing is that, not a thing in the world could stop me…. then it RAINED! Aww no! My patience was going in to overload mode. I just had to read on, just keep on reading…. It was getting out of control, the ink was smudging.
"Huh? Since when dose pre-printed paper smudge?"
I mean I was pretty much confused, believe you and me, and that is really hard in it self. But it didn't hurt me fine; I just ran in side and dried my hair. Lying on my bed I turned on my music listening to Linkin Park. I scrunched up my face.
"Shaniecce!" I yelled. It's a crime to touch my stuff, but my stereo? NO WAY! I mean I have nothing against Linkin Park, but I really had no mood to listen to them.
I picked up my mag … and the ink changed to purple.
"What?!"
I picked it up closely and blinked a few times and with every blink it changed to all different colours. Blue. Blink. Red. Blink. Yellow. Blink. Purple again. I shook my head.
"No way. I must be seeing things"
I disbelief I kept on reading, considering that I have gotten up a bit earlier than usual. SO even though it kept changing, I tried to ignore. But that wasn't the only thing that happened. The words began to swirl with in it's self, at first it was really faint, faint that you wouldn't notice, if you did, you could conclude that it was just your eyes playing up. But it kept getting worse, and I was about to go insane. INSANE!
"FOR THE LOVE OF GOD AND IN THE GOOD NAME OF BREAD…"
I practically screamed.
"WOULD YOU JUST LET ME READ THE FRIGGIN THING PLEASE!"
I guess I was good at stressing big and non-related points. You should have seen my face. My brother got up and walked up to me like a zombie and patted me on the back
"Hey Lahtinah, It's okay… I hear that they have mental wards in NZ that operate 24/7"
He smirked and like that thud he dropped to the floor like a newborn giraffe and with an instant fell in to a deep coma-like sleep. It's one of those things you just got to stop and laugh at.
I continued, and the words were finishing it's swirling thing.
"Thank you"
I felt relieved. But oh no, not even close. The words were now morphed and in to new words. Describing something psychotic and daunting. Raising an eyebrow I red what it said.
~You may enter the tournament. You may halve power. You may be chosen to do things. You may be my wife? ~
"WIFE?!?"
I shrieked. I cracked up laughing. Dissing the type of print and what it said. "You may kiss my ass" I cracked up laughing. "You may go to hell." Hysterically laughing at the most lamest things. Gasping for air. "You …" I just couldn't give it in. My stomach hurt too much.
Then the mag began to glow. I shrugged and took it as normal.
"WTF is it this time"
Picking it up. It spoke to me this time. I mean full on, in all different voices. Some were recognizable. Others took a sudden hit to catch up on whom it was. Like the voice of Ling Xiaoyu. Hwoarang and Paul. But that wasn't the candy of it. They were talking as if I was in a video game and they were chatting to each other, discussing like you would if you were watching your friend play against the console's CPU.
"Hey Jin, make her go and take another shower" Hwoarang spoke.
I looked everywhere. I remember the voice from the ending of his on Tekken four. I looked around. Nothing. No one.
"Hey! What's she doing? She's not obeying." Christie spoke. In her really queer accent ever.
"I know, I know. It's like she's… hearing us. But that's…" Ling Xiaoyu gasped
"Impossible?" Jin reacted to what she was saying. Even though it was really UN natural to hear such things. But I began to think that it was coming from the book itself. I paced slowly towards it.
"She's a video game. She can't hear us… Ling," The voice paused. In fact it was disturbing silence. They all paused.
"Can she?" The voice broke the silence. I think it was Steve. I wasn't sure. But I had a hunch.
"What's she doing?" Miharu sounded confused.
"Has she taken a shower yet?" Hwoarang asked. After that a huge crack and a thud. Then huge screams of laughter.
"Ha ha ha." Paul Laughed. "That'll teach you H, now shut up" Xiao spoke with firm caution, almost beckoning to do it again.
"Yeah, you are so annoying!" The voice of Christie.
By then I was almost certain that the voices were coming from the Magazine in it's self. So I came so close to it. I could physically see the voices and their matching character-like form that Namco has ingeniously created. Just to be a really funny fulla, I decided to answer back this time. I smirked and looked at them. Mentally noting what they looked like when they talked. Little things like that go along way.
"Hey she's smiling. She's looking right at us" Says Steve freaked.
"Freak-ki" Ling sounded a bit blown by this. "Okay you guys you can turn your little dating game off now" Ling was a bit worried.
"Yeah, I would have to agree… aww look now she's winking" Miharu was a bit jumpy. Her voice was a bit weary.
This is when I decided to jump in. I thought seeing as every thing decided to be such a big biarch to me. Why would this hurt any different? So on I went. I waited for the right moment.
"Aah, Lee did you have to hit me so hard?" Hwoarang got up rubbing the bump on his head. I smirked and cracked up laughing.
"Ha ha ha ha, you got decked by a fruit cake" I spoke loudly towards the magazine. Spit and all. If you were to walk in on me in my room? You would see a black Asian yelling at Playstation magazine like a lost lunatic. Lost I tell ya.
…Silence…
"What? Cat got your tongue? I can't take a shower because my concussed brother on the floor here"
I picked up the Magazine and aimed the middle of it at my brother snoring on the floor of my good carpet.
"Please look at exhibit A" Trying to make a point of it. I pointed at my brother's forte.
"Notice that he looks a lot like you Hwoarang. He's a typical smart ass. And takes everything his way and for granted. Except… he's married and has a 2 year old daughter." I took a moment and regrouped thoughts.
"On second thought, my brother is a whole lot better looking than you, huh?" I looked at Ling Xiaoyu, who believed me and agreed with me.
"I would agree with her." Ling smiled. They all turned to her. Shot looks at her as if to say – Huh? –
"What? Don't look at me like that!" Ling snorted.
"Yeah he does, doesn't he Ling? He's got green eyes, long thin red hair that has been at least brushed" Ling chuckled at the last comment I made.
"And He's a bit more tanned. Plus a few tattoos and jewelry…plus timberlands…throw in some Japanese and Chinese DNA and you have Trey-Khellie, ladies and gentlemen…lets give a round of applause." I cracked up laughing once again. Then muttered.
"…Shower…. Dumbass…"
GOB SMAKED"She's talking to … Xiao … as, if, she's HERE?!?!" Miharu all of a sudden yelled. Then her face lit up with excitement. And thought of what to say.
"Hi!" She waved very slowly. Like what you would do to a foreign stranger. As if I couldn't understand her.
"Hey there Miharu. What you up to huh?" To tell you the truth, I liked being important like this. I mean not every day do characters off the Namco cast of tekken talk to you through a magazine and vice versa for these guys. I was surprised. And kind of happy again.
Miharu gasped.
"Did you see that? Huh, Huh? She talked to me. Look, look!" They all looked at her.
"Shut her up Ling" She did. Jin began to talk to me.
"Hey…um, Lahtinah?"
I nodded. And smiled
"Go ahead sweet thang, shoot" I was genuine, but it's typical that all boys get the wrong Idea.
He blushed. A grown programmed virtual surreal character blushed. A rare sight indeed. I tilted my head side ways and smiled.
"You know… you look really cute like that? But don't mind me. I'm known to speak my mind. So, what was it that you were going to say?" I got particular looks from all the girls. Ling and Miharu especially. Like Jealousy.
"…. Um, how is it that you can…err, hear us and all?" I thought about it abit. Thinking that this would be the only chance in the world that I would talk to these people, I was trying to think of what to say. Tell them sweet lah lah, or just knock it off and tell them I'm some sort of mage. Which would be total bullshit, because, if I was a game, they would of made me this way in their 'world'.
"Pass" Out of all the things to say. I decided to say that. –Great going there Lahtinah-
"Pass?" Christie spoke in question.
"Yeah it's like a figure of speech." Confused looks all around. "It's like saying 'How the hell should I know, it just happened' but only using one word. Get it?"
"OOOOH!" they all clicked. What did you expect from computer-generated images? ^_~
"Can I ask you lot something? Be honest? Okay?" They nodded.
"Alright… here goes," I cleared my throat. "What am I in your world. Because here you all are…err, um. Famous." I decided not to tell them the truth. I thought it would kill things so I lied. Sorta. Steve smiled.
"You're a simulated Video game." I thought like that popular game on computer 'Sims'. I nodded.
"You are one of the important characters." Miharu spoke.
"Oh so I'm a character? Hey now that's flash" They all laughed a little. "So? You all just make me do stuff, and see where I end up and what have you right?"
"Yeah, all except now." Paul spoke as he was searching the package this so-called 'game' came out of. Looking for instructions I think, starting off with the phrase. ~ If your computer games starts talking back to you…simply just push…. ~ on it. I thought it was really funny to see people like Paul and Lee interested in such things. I would of thought that Lee would be in the Bahamas somewhere doing stuff to his robot thing, and Paul? Well just being Paul. Pizza eating gas-o-line smelling freak that he is, would just be doing nothing, and partying hard.
Jin? Ling? Hwoarang? What are they all doing here? Okay this is a bit stupid.
"So, what do you do for a living?" Christie asked. They were all quiet for a response.
"I am a 3D animator and currently studying CGI animation. Well more of it. Post graduate." Stunned. Personally. It isn't that much of a big deal. I have seen heaps of people in my shoes that are ten times more experienced. SO really it's no 'thing' to show off about. But they were awestruck. Bad. I smiled. This is like typical ego material. My head swelled to a beach ball.
"But shouldn't you already know that? I mean you make me and stuff, and you choose what I…." Jin stopped me.
"No. Well not exactly what you think. You came like you are now. We only just brought this game a few minuets ago." He looked at Paul still looking at the back of the box and ripped it from his hands. He pointed to it. "You were a pre-made character and the most interesting one, so we choose you. We just play out your life from where you are now. And see what ever happends."
Now I thought that would be one of the most boringest games ever. Me? I would fall asleep watching my self. I'm that much of a gay thing to look out at; it's like watching paint dry. But these dudes seem to feed off it.
"Hey where's Julia?" I asked. They were shocked.
"Ju-Julia?" Miharu stuttered. "How did you know about Julia?"
"She's one of my favourite characters. Her and this other female that died. Years ago I think, when I was about 19." I smiled remembering who she was.
"How old are you Lahtinah?" Steve asked.
"21 years old. I believe the same age as you, correct?" He nodded. Wide-eyed.
"Who was the other character that was your favourite?" I really didn't want to tell them. But she is one my big time favourite stars of tekken. Jun. I'd bow down to her any day, man she's the bomb of all chicks on that game. But sadly, here in NZ? She's the least. Oh well.
"You really want to know?" I questioned their patience. They all nodded. Eager to know. "Mademoiselle Jun Kazama"
Whoo-hoo you should of seen Jin's face. It was priceless. I could make a million off of it. That bad.
"Wha-what did you say?" He asked again.
"Mademoiselle Jun Kazama. Why is there a problem about that?" I knew very well who he was to her, but the way he was reacting did get me a bit worried. – Should of left at that other turn Naoko – He just sat there and didn't say anything. Then her raged to the computer screen. Or what ever he was peering through.
"WHO ARE YOU!" I jumped back.
"Gezz, easy now! Tare a chill pill dude, because if you don't your gonna die of old age and if you don't your gonna look like your grandfather, be old and. Eck" I snickered. Ling took the liberty of turning what ever it was that was seeing me off.
"Hello?" I spoke. Dayum I just lost the link between the best game and my own world. Dammit. I hit my brother hard. Only because the fact that he sleeps like a log. So he didn't feel anything. "I had the only chance I had ever had, and I blew it with saying who his mother was. Dammit dammit dammit." I never forgave my self after that. All through the day of my daily duties, I just couldn't help but feel a bit guilty on what happened. I kind of felt sorry for Jin. I always had.
Well that was the best and the worst experience of my life. Pray to god I eat right tomorrow.
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Okay. Now that's my very funny yet not so good chapter. Like it or lump it, you must read it to decide on what you think of please. In other words please R&R for me. That would be great.
And Knight wing's reign will be next.
Thank you,
Lahtinah Kerrigan.