Title: Afraid V
Author: Nan
Rating: PG-13
Classification: vignette, Mac/Sturgis
Spoilers: The One that Got Away
Summary: After the last episode, we got no further on the mystery of what Mac is thinking. Harm is still clear. He is putting JAG behind him and moving on. And enjoying it too. The CIA so far has been a fun place to work. But Mac? No joy there. The episode didn't explore her relationship with either Webb or Harm. But did TPTB throw us a few hints through the subtle vehicle of Sturgis/Mac's Article 32 hearing and Sergeant Ambrose?
Sturgis was waiting for her beside the candy red vehicle. She sighed to herself, keys in hand as she walked steadily toward her car. The Ambrose Article 32 hearing was not over just yet, judging by the Commander's demeanor. She should have known that he couldn't let her last remark in the courtroom die without comment.
"Commander," she stated as she reached for the key slot. "Can I help you?"
Ignoring the question, Sturgis gestured toward her car. "Vette is a sporty car, Mac. Though you don't see many marines driving one. Or women, for that matter. Been meaning to ask you how you ended up with one. Funny, don't you think, since Harm owns one too?"
She looked at him puzzled, wondering at the abrupt tangent of the conversation. She searched for answer.
But before she could start, he spoke again. "I thought about your last statement there, in the courtroom. About me being above it all. And cowardly."
Mac was already regretting her hurtful words. "Look, Sturgis, I'm sorry. I realize that you were just doing your job in there. Maybe I got a bit carried away."
He shook his head. "No, no, you had something to say. You obviously felt that the actions of Sergeant Ambrose and his comrades needed to be protected from the strict interpretation of the law. An unspoken truth that I should have adhered to."
Mac looked at him. If he wanted to get into this, then, "Yeah, I guess I did. In the middle of a tense situation, when your life is on the line, things are not that clear like ROE's. I think everyone should have cut the guy a break. There are very few marines, special ops or not, who could have been so cold hearted as to shoot a young kid in cold blood."
"True. But even so, was it the right thing to do? Considering that that same kid ran to tell the Iraqi's our position? A mistake that lead the enemy to our doorstep. What about the young children here, who now have no fathers?" asked Sturgis.
"Yeah, yeah. We hashed this out in the hearing. My point is this. If Ambrose's transgression was so bad, why did his commander and comrades protect him? They should be the ones angriest with Ambrose. Yet until your cross, they were reluctant to even admit he had made a mistake. Perhaps all you have done is create the illusion of an error. And then convinced everyone of it, including his team." Mac spoke heatedly.
"Perhaps," said Sturgis blocking her from opening the door to her car fully. "Maybe they just couldn't say it, out of loyalty. You should know that. I mean of all people, you should understand the emotions that lead to a team protecting the transgressor."
"What do you mean by that?" she replied angrily.
"Isn't it your modus operandi?"
She looked at him. "Are you implying that I protect people who don't deserve it? Where did you get that idea? I've always sought the truth. No matter what the cost."
"Really? Then what happened in Paraguay? I mean, Clayton Webb somehow deserves your undying gratitude for putting you into danger and Harm deserves your contempt for rescuing you from it?" said Sturgis with force.
Mac's eyes flared. Paraguay! How had this conversation turned to that topic? She lashed out angrily, "What has Harm said about Paraguay? That Webb screwed up once again? Well, I'll tell you something that arrogant jerk would never say. That Clayton Webb spent hours strapped to a table screaming and tortured while electric current flowed through his body. I heard every agonizing minute of it. And I also heard Clay refuse to let them come near me, until finally, he was so beaten and weak that he could barely raise his head."
Her final sentence ended in a strangulated sob. All of a sudden she realized that this legal discussion on ROE's had taken her to the verge of tears. She looked at Sturgis. All the anger had gone from his face and his eyes were wide with horror.
Sturgis stepped back from the car. "Mac, I'm sorry. That was uncalled for. I should have never brought up Paraguay."
She nodded mutely, trying to collect herself.
"For what is it worth, Harm has never said a word about what happened down there. He would never violate classified material or your confidence. Those were guesses only, based on what I saw of Harm's reaction after he was kicked out of the office."
She took advantage of his giving leeway and climbed in through the open door of her Corvette. She was anxious for this conversation to end, so she could go home and steady her thoughts. "It's okay, Sturgis. It has been a rough couple of months."
Sturgis looked down at her, hand on the open door. "You want to talk about it? This whole thing has me confused, especially in light of your confession about Harm a year or so ago. I'd like to help, Mac."
She looked at him. Don't bring up that old admission she had made she pleaded silently. That would only further to tangle her crisscrossing thoughts.
But...there was one thing she hadn't dared to ask Sturgis before. "You said you have seen Harm, since he left JAG?"
He answered cautiously. "Once. Months ago. Right after. In his apartment."
She stared forward, looking at the bricks on the building. "How was he?"
Sturgis pondered his answer. "You know Harm. He was playing his guitar and he was making jokes. But underneath it, he seemed pretty cut up about Paraguay and leaving JAG."
"Have you heard from him since?" She asked quietly.
"No."
She let out a breath. "Right then," she said. "Guess there is not much more to say. I should go."
Sturgis started to shut the car door. "Mac, Ham will be back. In some form or fashion. I'm pretty sure. He is not the type to hold a grudge."
She nodded and smiled weakly at Sturgis and started the engine. The conversation was over. She threw the car into reverse and waved at Sturgis still standing next to her parking stall.
As she pulled away from the lot, she thought about Sturgis' last comment. The one about Harm not holding grudges. That had always been true in the past. This time? She wasn't so sure. No one had pushed him this hard before.
Author: Nan
Rating: PG-13
Classification: vignette, Mac/Sturgis
Spoilers: The One that Got Away
Summary: After the last episode, we got no further on the mystery of what Mac is thinking. Harm is still clear. He is putting JAG behind him and moving on. And enjoying it too. The CIA so far has been a fun place to work. But Mac? No joy there. The episode didn't explore her relationship with either Webb or Harm. But did TPTB throw us a few hints through the subtle vehicle of Sturgis/Mac's Article 32 hearing and Sergeant Ambrose?
Sturgis was waiting for her beside the candy red vehicle. She sighed to herself, keys in hand as she walked steadily toward her car. The Ambrose Article 32 hearing was not over just yet, judging by the Commander's demeanor. She should have known that he couldn't let her last remark in the courtroom die without comment.
"Commander," she stated as she reached for the key slot. "Can I help you?"
Ignoring the question, Sturgis gestured toward her car. "Vette is a sporty car, Mac. Though you don't see many marines driving one. Or women, for that matter. Been meaning to ask you how you ended up with one. Funny, don't you think, since Harm owns one too?"
She looked at him puzzled, wondering at the abrupt tangent of the conversation. She searched for answer.
But before she could start, he spoke again. "I thought about your last statement there, in the courtroom. About me being above it all. And cowardly."
Mac was already regretting her hurtful words. "Look, Sturgis, I'm sorry. I realize that you were just doing your job in there. Maybe I got a bit carried away."
He shook his head. "No, no, you had something to say. You obviously felt that the actions of Sergeant Ambrose and his comrades needed to be protected from the strict interpretation of the law. An unspoken truth that I should have adhered to."
Mac looked at him. If he wanted to get into this, then, "Yeah, I guess I did. In the middle of a tense situation, when your life is on the line, things are not that clear like ROE's. I think everyone should have cut the guy a break. There are very few marines, special ops or not, who could have been so cold hearted as to shoot a young kid in cold blood."
"True. But even so, was it the right thing to do? Considering that that same kid ran to tell the Iraqi's our position? A mistake that lead the enemy to our doorstep. What about the young children here, who now have no fathers?" asked Sturgis.
"Yeah, yeah. We hashed this out in the hearing. My point is this. If Ambrose's transgression was so bad, why did his commander and comrades protect him? They should be the ones angriest with Ambrose. Yet until your cross, they were reluctant to even admit he had made a mistake. Perhaps all you have done is create the illusion of an error. And then convinced everyone of it, including his team." Mac spoke heatedly.
"Perhaps," said Sturgis blocking her from opening the door to her car fully. "Maybe they just couldn't say it, out of loyalty. You should know that. I mean of all people, you should understand the emotions that lead to a team protecting the transgressor."
"What do you mean by that?" she replied angrily.
"Isn't it your modus operandi?"
She looked at him. "Are you implying that I protect people who don't deserve it? Where did you get that idea? I've always sought the truth. No matter what the cost."
"Really? Then what happened in Paraguay? I mean, Clayton Webb somehow deserves your undying gratitude for putting you into danger and Harm deserves your contempt for rescuing you from it?" said Sturgis with force.
Mac's eyes flared. Paraguay! How had this conversation turned to that topic? She lashed out angrily, "What has Harm said about Paraguay? That Webb screwed up once again? Well, I'll tell you something that arrogant jerk would never say. That Clayton Webb spent hours strapped to a table screaming and tortured while electric current flowed through his body. I heard every agonizing minute of it. And I also heard Clay refuse to let them come near me, until finally, he was so beaten and weak that he could barely raise his head."
Her final sentence ended in a strangulated sob. All of a sudden she realized that this legal discussion on ROE's had taken her to the verge of tears. She looked at Sturgis. All the anger had gone from his face and his eyes were wide with horror.
Sturgis stepped back from the car. "Mac, I'm sorry. That was uncalled for. I should have never brought up Paraguay."
She nodded mutely, trying to collect herself.
"For what is it worth, Harm has never said a word about what happened down there. He would never violate classified material or your confidence. Those were guesses only, based on what I saw of Harm's reaction after he was kicked out of the office."
She took advantage of his giving leeway and climbed in through the open door of her Corvette. She was anxious for this conversation to end, so she could go home and steady her thoughts. "It's okay, Sturgis. It has been a rough couple of months."
Sturgis looked down at her, hand on the open door. "You want to talk about it? This whole thing has me confused, especially in light of your confession about Harm a year or so ago. I'd like to help, Mac."
She looked at him. Don't bring up that old admission she had made she pleaded silently. That would only further to tangle her crisscrossing thoughts.
But...there was one thing she hadn't dared to ask Sturgis before. "You said you have seen Harm, since he left JAG?"
He answered cautiously. "Once. Months ago. Right after. In his apartment."
She stared forward, looking at the bricks on the building. "How was he?"
Sturgis pondered his answer. "You know Harm. He was playing his guitar and he was making jokes. But underneath it, he seemed pretty cut up about Paraguay and leaving JAG."
"Have you heard from him since?" She asked quietly.
"No."
She let out a breath. "Right then," she said. "Guess there is not much more to say. I should go."
Sturgis started to shut the car door. "Mac, Ham will be back. In some form or fashion. I'm pretty sure. He is not the type to hold a grudge."
She nodded and smiled weakly at Sturgis and started the engine. The conversation was over. She threw the car into reverse and waved at Sturgis still standing next to her parking stall.
As she pulled away from the lot, she thought about Sturgis' last comment. The one about Harm not holding grudges. That had always been true in the past. This time? She wasn't so sure. No one had pushed him this hard before.