If She Only Knew You
By: Allison
Rated: PG
Archive: Beautiful Addictions, the Graveyard.
A/N: Written for the anniversary challenge. Thanks go to: Angie—for getting me to do this challenge, Jid—for all your words of encouragement. This is AU, because I had to incorporate the date in so…just read it with a bit of an open mind. Song is called "Humpty Dumpty", by Aimee Mann.
Dedication: To Juliet—for a wonderful year of laughter, c/g moments, spoilers, and fics. Thank you for creating this list for us. Here's hoping this next year will be just as wonderful as the last.
Summary: Another anniversary, another bittersweet memory.
+++++
// Say you were split, you
were split in fragments
and none of the pieces would talk to you
Wouldn't you want to be who you had been
well, baby I want that, too //
The grass crunched under his feet as he walked in the unusually crisp fall Vegas morning, flowers in his hand. Looking around, he knew why she'd chosen this spot, this place. It was beautiful, the sunlight shining brightly against the dewy grass.
Breathtaking.
Just like she had always been. From the moment that he'd met her. How she strode into his office on her first day and immediately claimed him, his heart, as her own.
****
"Um hello, I'm looking for Gil Grissom; you wouldn't happen to know where I'd be able to find him, would you?"
Gil looked up from the paper work he'd been filling out to find a rather striking redhead standing in front of his desk with a slightly annoyed look on her face. "I'm Gil Grissom, what do you need?""
She smiled at him—a smile that lit up his entire office. And suddenly he felt himself unable to take his eyes off of her. He didn't even know her name, and yet, as if by some magnetic force, he was completely drawn to her.
"I'm Catherine, Catherine Willows. I'm supposed to start working here today…A Jim Brass told me to come here and see you." She extended her hand towards him, and he took it in his own.
"Nice to meet you, Catherine."
"Likewise, Gil Grissom," she replied, cocking her eyebrow as she looked him over.
"What was that?" he asked, noticing the expression that crossed her features.
"What was what?"
"That look—what was it?"
"It's nothing…" she trailed off, sitting down in the chair parked in front of his desk. "You just…you're not what I expected."
"And what were you expecting, exactly, Mrs. Willows?"
"It's Catherine…and I just expected you to be—I don't know; it's stupid really."
"I highly doubt that," he replied, smirking.
"I just thought you'd be…I thought you'd look, you know, like a scientist."
"I am a scientist, Catherine."
"I know, that's not what I meant, Gil."
"Most people don't call me that."
"Call you what?" she asked coyly.
"Gil. Most people don't call me Gil."
It was true. Most people around the office preferred to call him by his last name, Grissom. In fact, he preferred it that way. But somehow, when she said it, he didn't mind it at all.
"Well then what do they call you around here?"
"Grissom."
It was silent for a moment as she pondered the name. Her eyes traveled up and down, going over his features and analyzing him. "I think Gil suits you just fine."
"You do."
"Yea, I do."
*****
Throughout the days the two of them had worked side by side, she'd been the only one who had ever called him that. And she'd always say it with that smile on her face, with that look in her eye…
Somehow it had always seemed right.
// So better take the keys
and drive forever
Staying won't put these futures back together
All the perfect drugs and superheroes
wouldn't be enough to bring me up to zero //
She had a way of saying that just made it okay, it made everything okay. All she had to do was say his name, in that throaty way she had when they first met, and he was hers and hers alone.
When he'd taken over nightshift, really, she'd taken it over instead, minus the title and the pay raise. She always seemed to be able to push him in the direction she wanted him to go. If there was a case she wanted. She got it. Grissom hadn't mentioned it to the rest of the team, but they'd always known.
They knew Catherine got a look at some of the cases before they did. And Grissom would have been lying through his teeth if he'd said she didn't get a little preferential treatment from him.
// Baby you're great, you've
been more than patient
saying it's not a catastrophe
but I'm not the girl you once put your faith in
just someone who looks like me //
It was true, he let her get away with things he knew he'd never let Warrick, Nick, or Sara, get away with. But that's what made her good.
Her drive, her emotions, her instincts. As much as he'd like to believe that emotions weren't a factor, that a CSI could only 'Rely on the evidence', hers had always played a part.
They made her sharp, kept her on edge.
// So better take the keys
and drive forever
Staying won't put these futures back together
All the perfect drugs and superheroes
wouldn't be enough to bring me up to zero
So get out while you can //
Gazing up at the sky, Grissom noticed the clouds that were beginning to roll in. Every year he came here, and every year those clouds were there—dark gray menacing clouds. The day always started out so beautiful and ended so bleak.
As his thoughts moved back to Catherine, he could feel the tears forming in his eyes. He missed her. Everything about her. Her face, her smile, the way she ran her fingers through his curls when she was about to kiss him—he'd only loved one woman in his life. And that woman was Catherine.
It had taken them a long time to open up to each other, to realize what they felt for each other. But after they had, no one could separate them.
The day he had asked her to marry him, she had been ecstatic. A year after that, on a hot sticky day in August, with family and friends looking onwards, after seventeen years of knowing each other, Catherine Willows became Catherine Grissom.
And he became the happiest man alive.
// Get out while you can
Baby, I'm pouring quicksand
And sinking is all I had planned
So better just go //
She had been beautiful that day, blonde hair swept up, eyes sparkling so blue
that they rivaled the ocean.
God, what he would give to see those eyes again. He loved how they danced whenever she was on the verge of breaking open a case. How they seem to sparkle whenever she was excited. Grissom had loved every bit of Catherine, but he'd always loved those eyes best. He knew they were what had him so mesmerized with her on the first day they'd met.
They were captivating.
Gil looked downwards at the little girl that clasped his other hand so tightly. She had those eyes, the same eyes Catherine had. They dazzled with more curiosity than he thought any five year old could possibly have. They sparkled in that way Catherine's always did.
When he had found out she was coming into the world, he'd never realize the heartache that would come along with it.
*****
"Gil, honey…" Catherine poked her husband of two years hard in the shoulder, and he woke with a start, shooting up from his spot in the couch. "baby...get up, I have some news."
"Your news couldn't wait until a reasonable time of day?"
"No, it can't," she replied sitting down in his lap.
"Well then, tell me what is it?"
Catherine wrapped her arms around his neck, and kissed him. "Gil, I'm pregnant."
*****
// Oh, better take the
keys and drive forever
Staying won't put these futures back together
All the perfect drugs and superheroes
wouldn't be enough to bring me up to zero //
Sitting down on the grass, he let the little girl, his little girl, climb into his lap. She was so small, so innocent, yet so strong somehow.
It didn't seem fair.
Hell it wasn't fair at all. Grissom knew that.
She was growing up with such spirit, such love for life. She was growing up to be so much like Catherine.
It wasn't fair that she never got to meet the woman she was growing up to become.
"Daddy…" the little girl in his arms turned to face him, those eyes staring up at him, filled with wonder. "Why are we here?"
"Well baby, there's someone I want you to meet."
"Who?"
Gil looked up at the headstone in front of him. Using the tips of his fingers he traced the letters engraved upon the marble.
Catherine Grissom
Beloved Wife and Mother
March 3rd 1963 – October 24th 2002
Five years. Five years ago he'd lost a wife, and gained a daughter, the most beautiful daughter in the world.
Life was bittersweet that way.
Setting flowers in front of the small grave, he reached into his pocket, and pulled out his wallet. Opening it up, he flipped through the few pictures that were held within it until he found the right one.
Carefully he pulled it out of its plastic sleeve, and showed it to her.
"Chloe, I want you to meet your mother."
// All the king's horses
and all the king's men
couldn't put baby together again
All the king's horses and all the king's men
couldn't put baby together again //
--Fin.