Chapter 3: Idiots
By Lady Crysiana and Yasha-hime
Freyr stumbled into the kitchen, swaying like there was a heavy
wind, as Heimdall hung up the phone. Again. Freyr was a royal mess--shirtless,
bare-foot, with wild hair, and his pants looked like he'd slept in them for
days. (Which he had.) He was also clearly drunk. Again. Or still.
Heimdall eyed him for a long moment. Heimdall's entire posture
indicated that he was highly annoyed by something and that someone would soon
pay for that annoyance if he had any say in the matter, but it receded somewhat
as he looked at Freyr. "What the hell is wrong with you?"
"Freyr," the Vanir announced with drunken gravity, "is
out of whiskey."
Heimdall thought that that was probably all to the good, considering.
He sniffed. "And?"
Freyr stumbled past his roommate and started rooting through cabinets and drawers
in search of a substitute. He mumbled to himself as he did so.
Heimdall watched him for a few moments before pulling him away
from the drawer he was searching. "There isn't any more in the house."
Freyr blinked stupidly at Heimdall. "...why not?" he
asked finally.
"My guess would be that you drank all the alcohol here."
"...but I want more!"
"Too bad."
Freyr whined loudly.
"Why are you moping, anyway?"
"Yamato Nadeshiko is...with Loki--" Freyr sulked.
"They've gotten that far?"
"Freya-chan saw it," Freyr pouted.
"Don't you have anything better to do than mope around the
house drinking?"
Freyr thought about this. For a long time, even for a drunken
Freyr. "No," he decided finally.
"Then mope somewhere that's not near me."
"Meaniiiiiiiiiiie!" Freyr wailed.
Heimdall rolled his eyes. "How will my being around help
you in any way?"
Freyr mumbled to himself and stared at his hands as he pushed his
forefingers together. Heimdall gave Freyr a Look. "When you figure something
out, I'll be in the living room."
Freyr attached himself to Heimdall's waist when the other god turned
around. Heimdall yelped. "What are you doing?"
"...tripped," Freyr mumbled in explanation.
"..." said Heimdall. It managed to be suspicious, even
so.
Freyr dragged himself up to drape himself over Heimdall's shoulders--which
was where he'd been aiming for. Heimdall blinked. Given how Freyr was draped
over him, edging away would not help.
Freyr pressed several kisses against Heimdall's neck. "Pretty
Heimdall," he mumbled unsteadily.
Heimdall blinked and attempted to twist so he could look at Freyr.
"You're more drunk than I thought."
"Mmm..." Freyr said, kissing Heimdall's neck again.
He did not seem to realize--or have a problem with--the fact that he had to
be on his knees to do it.
Heimdall found himself melting against Freyr and attempted to pull
away. "Freyr..."
"Nnnn!" Freyr protested, pulling him back.
Heimdall glowered for a moment, then made a face and twisted so
that he could press his mouth to Freyr's. Freyr proved to be a very good kisser,
even drunk. (He had, at least, learned that much from Loki when he was fourteen.)
His skills, unfortunately, were somewhat marred by the fact that his mouth tasted
like a distillery.
Heimdall pulled away again, grimacing. "Remind me never to
give you pity sex when you go on a bender again."
"....heeeeeyyyy..!" Freyr whined.
Heimdall sighed and stroked Freyr's hair. "You're annoying."
"'m not!" Freyr protested, laying his head on
Heimdall's shoulder. That felt good...
"Not all the time," Heimdall amended, continuing to pet
Freyr. Freyr snuggled up, like a cat, and went to sleep.
Heimdall sighed and managed to get Freyr over to the couch. "Idiot."
Freyr began to snore. Heimdall's lips twitched up, almost into a smile. "Complete
idiot."
Loki was a nice bright red as he picked his way very carefully
down the stairs. Lobster red. All over. All he wore, too, was a pair of fairly
loose, thin boxers. Mayura was holding a gallon container of aloe vera. "This
will help," she said, holding it up. She did not say 'I told you so' because
it managed to pulse from every fiber of her being.
"...help? There's something that can help?"
"Not much, but yes," said Mayura. She got some aloe
on her hand and gently applied it to Loki's back.
Loki squeaked breathlessly in pain. "Sorry," said Mayura
softly.
"...this hurts," Loki complained. "How long does
it take to go away?"
"Only a few days," said Mayura cheerfully.
"...few...days...?"
"Mmhm."
"...........!"
"...what?"
"...that's forever!" Loki complained.
"Not really, no," said Mayura.
"It's too long!" Loki whined.
"Too bad. You should have used sunblock."
"This has never happened before!"
"You're not a god right now!"
Loki made an annoyed and frustrated sound. Mayura sighed. "It'll
go away with time."
"That takes too long," Loki whined.
"It's the only option you have," replied Mayura.
Loki sulked. Visibly. Mayura kissed the back of Loki's head.
Loki yelped; even his scalp was sunburned.
Mayura blinked. "...you're impressive."
"...what?"
"I've never seen anyone this sunburned before."
"......" Loki sulked some more.
"At least you were wearing the speedo, so uh, that part of
you wasn't burned," said Mayura.
"...I don't even want to think about that concept,
thank you very much."
"It happened to Koutaro-kun once," Mayura supplied.
"...it did?"
"Mmhm."
"How?"
"I never asked him that."
Loki immediately resolved to do so.
"It seemed like an impolite thing to ask about."
"Sou ka? I'll risk being impolite, then."
"You and Koutaro-kun posture at each other a lot."
"Do we?" Loki murmured disinterestedly.
"Yes," said Mayura. "It's cute."
"...ne, Mayura?"
"...what?"
"How do you know Kou-chan scorched his bits?"
"We were talking about sunburns and he said the most painful
was there and we asked how he knew and he got embarrassed and ran off."
"...we?" Loki asked curiously.
"Haruto-kun and me."
"Oh," Loki said. He had no idea who Haruto was, but
it didn't really matter. "Speaking of Kou-chan, though..."
"Hm?"
"You're going back to school tomorrow."
"What?! Why?"
"Because you need an education," Loki said as firmly
as any father would.
Mayura looked put out. "But...school."
"I'll write you a doctor's note," Loki said. "You
have control of the power now, you'll be fine."
Mayura looked thoughtful now. "Ne, Loki, you mentioned that
you went to college in America..."
"I did," Loki confirmed, picking up a pen and some paper
and scrawling a note with his signature at the bottom.
"Eh? What's your signature?" asked Mayura, craning over
to look at the note.
Loki shrugged. "My degree is under the name 'Dr. Elle Lauffeysdatter,'"
he explained.
"...Elle?"
"It was easy to remember," Loki said.
Mayura seemed willing to let several questions go in favor of asking
another. "What was college like?"
Loki smiled reminiscently. "I had a great time. I got to
burn my bra three times. ...the Volkswagen, though, was not as comfortable
as I was told it would be."
"......" said Mayura.
"...what?"
"...bra?"
"I went to college as a woman," Loki explained with a
small grin.
"...how?"
"Shape-shifting," Loki shrugged. "My power wasn't
sealed, back then..."
"Does that mean I could change myself?"
"...theoretically, yes."
"There's a 'but' there, right?"
"It takes a lot of practice."
"Oh. You'll probably have your powers back by the time I
could even start to learn, then."
"Pretty much," Loki agreed.
Mayura looked disappointed.
"....ow..."
"?"
"...it hurts again!" Loki complained, mildly outraged.
"...yes. It does that."
"........"
"...ne, Loki..."
"Hm?"
"You've dated people before, right?"
"...you could say that," Loki said dryly.
"A lot of people?"
"Over the past three millennia? Yes."
"Hm."
"Why?"
"Just wondering."
"....why were you wondering?"
"I just...was."
Loki eyed Mayura doubtfully. Mayura looked away. "Mayura..."
Loki sighed, making an abortive gesture to reach out to her. That he stopped
was clearly due to the fact that moving was not a good thing with that kind
of sunburn. "Tell me what's wrong?"
"It's just that...you've been with so many people, and they
were probably very special people..."
"Not really," Loki denied thoughtfully.
"Nn."
"Most of them weren't particularly special, at least not to
me," Loki shrugged. "The ones who were...Skuld...Angorboda...um...I
guess I probably ought to count Odin because he was the first...but that's about
it."
"...what about me?"
"Mmm..." Loki was quiet for a moment. "I don't
think I can rank you in either group," he decided finally.
Mayura blinked.
"Special," Loki purred sensually, "doesn't even
come close."
"Oh," said Mayura. She blushed nearly as red as Loki's
sunburn. Loki started to say something, then chickened out. Mayura didn't
notice, off in a happy world of her own. So much so that she was generating
pastel sparklies.
Heimdall was dozing when the shift happened. Given that one tends
to notice when one resumes one's normal form, sleep didn't last long after that.
The resounding "Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh?" was most un-Heimdall-like.
The sound woke Freyr, who was sleeping off a hangover at the time.
On Heimdall's floor, as he had crawled there while Heimdall slept. "....itte..."
he whined plaintively.
"...why are you on my floor?"
"...not so loud..." Freyr said in an agonized whisper.
"..." said Heimdall.
Freyr whimpered again. Heimdall sighed and knelt down next to
him silently. He absently started petting Freyr's hair again. "Nnng..."
Freyr sighed. "Feels nice..."
"Idiot," whispered Heimdall.
"...needa drink," Freyr whimpered.
"No, you don't," snapped Heimdall.
"Do tooooo!" Freyr whined.
"Freyr," said Heimdall softly, "just stay here until
you're sober, alright?"
"...nnnn...!" Freyr whined.
Heimdall curled his body around Freyr's. "Just stay."
Freyr gave up and remained silent for a long moment. "...you
got bigger," he finally noticed.
"I'll have to find out who to thank later."
"Mmf," Freyr responded, shuddering as he pressed his
face against the nearest area of skin, his fingers digging into Heimdall's flesh
with bruising pressure as the demons of withdrawal tormented him anew. Heimdall
winced, but didn't bat Freyr away. He was rather relieved that his shoulder
had been closest to Freyr at the moment.
Freyr whined in the back of his throat; withdrawal damned well
hurt! Heimdall sighed and freed up an arm to begin petting Freyr again.
It seemed like--and probably was--hours before Freyr's withdrawal
began to ease...for now. Heimdall nuzzled the back of Freyr's head gently.
"....Heimdall?" Freyr queried after a moment.
"What?"
"...why do you keep doing things like that?"
"...like what?"
"...cuddling," Freyr chose as a good word to describe
it. "And did you actually--?" He broke off.
Heimdall pulled away from Freyr. "Did I actually what?"
he ground out.
"....." Freyr blinked. "Um. No...never mind,
you wouldn't do something like that."
"What?"
"Nothing. Nothing!" Freyr insisted. "I must have
been hallucinating. Or passed out."
"...tell me anyway."
Freyr mumbled something that sounded suspiciously like the word
"kiss," recognizing the signs that Heimdall was about to blow his
top.
Heimdall looked at Freyr consideringly for a moment. "No,
that really happened."
"....!" Freyr fell over in shock. This was especially
impressive given his already-prone position.
"You were very drunk."
"...............I must have been..." Freyr contemplated
how much drink it must have taken to even think of such a suicidal act.
"If your mouth hadn't tasted like a distillery, it wouldn't
have been a bad kiss."
".....!" Freyr said again.
"I'm not upset about it."
That just broke Freyr's brain entirely, and he went cross-eyed
and then swirly-eyed as he contemplated it a bit too long.
"What is wrong with you now?"
No answer. Still swirly-eyed. Heimdall kicked Freyr lightly.
Nothing.
Heimdall snuggled up to Freyr and kissed his neck. Freyr's brain
needed too extensive repairs to be rebooted immediately. However, his libido
offered to step in and fill the gap, and since there was no other operating
system available, his body allowed this.
He promptly rolled over on top of Heimdall and kissed him. Heimdall
returned the kiss almost violently.
A few moments after the sex, Heimdall said, "Are you going
to get off me or not?" Freyr reluctantly rolled to one side. Heimdall
curled against him. Freyr made a pleased noise and cuddled.
"You seem to be more cheerful."
"Sex does that," Freyr explained seriously.
"Really. I'll have to try it more often."
Freyr stretched, cat-like. "It's one thing I miss about Asgard.
It's too dangerous here."
"And the selection of people it's not dangerous with is small,"
added Heimdall.
"Mmm," Freyr agreed.
"I must be useful for you, then," said Heimdall neutrally.
"You started it," Freyr pointed out immediately.
He wasn't out there enough to miss that!
Heimdall shrugged. "You're annoying when you mope."
Freyr turned on his side, putting his back to Heimdall, and sulked. Heimdall
leaned against Freyr's back. "You do feel better, somewhat?"
"Hmph!" Freyr snorted, lower lip jutting out
Heimdall leaned over to suck on Freyr's lower lip.
"...!" Freyr said.
Heimdall pulled back. "I like you."
Freyr blinked dumbly. His brain, so recently repaired, would now
have to be sent back to the factory for refurbishment or, possibly, replacement.
"So stop being such a moron and drinking yourself more stupid
than you usually are."
"......................" Freyr said.
"What?"
Freyr's brain was so broken that he literally could do nothing.
Heimdall sighed and rolled over.