Title: Damaged Goods (7/7)
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters (including Maria. She's made it quite clear that she owns her own damn self, thank you very much.) I'm just borrowing them and will return them when I've had my fun, somewhat dazed and disheveled, but otherwise in their original condition. Also, Maria and I have decided to keep Eric for a while, and we're sending Tim to Yana...
Rating: R, for the language and themes.
Pairings: Eric/Maria, Tim/Calleigh, Maria/Hagen (What? Quit looking at me like that, it was her idea.)
Feedback: Review it, or I'll send Maria to your house.
Dedication: To Yana, for once again helping me get over what could have been a hideous writer's block, and of course, to all of you who have been reviewing. I can't tell you how much it helps.
Soundtrack: "White Flag" and "Life for Rent" by Dido, "If I Fall" by Tara MacLean.
Note: I've gotten a few inquires about my series, so I thought I'd just let ya'll know that they're all archived on Fanfiction.net, and the order is as follows. "Blood Ties," "Isolation," "Ripped," "Damaged Goods," and next up, hopefully before Friday, "Catalyst."
__________________________________________
"I didn't think I'd see you today, Maria." Horatio said as the team filed into the breakroom.
Maria shrugged. "I said I'd be back today."
"I know, but I figured it was an idle threat. Like last month, when you swore you would get back at me for calling you in on your day off." Horatio replied.
Eric coughed, and Maria gave him a subtle look as she casually asked, "So, any news?"
"Actually, yes." Horatio said. "They got him."
No one spoke for a moment.
"Wait, you mean they got the guy who..." Calleigh's question trailed off, but Horatio nodded.
"Are they sure it's him?" Eric asked. "I mean, they're absolutely sure they've got the right guy?"
"He denied all of it at first." Horatio explained. "Obviously, I don't know all of the details, but as soon as he was presented with the evidence against him, he cracked."
"Is he here?" Maria asked.
Knowing what she wanted, Horatio thought for a moment before replying. "Maria, I don't know if it's a good idea for you to see him."
"I didn't ask you if you thought it was a good idea." Maria said, narrowing her eyes and crossing her arms. "I asked you if he's here. When I want your opinion..." She paused, then rolled her eyes. "Actually, that'll probably never happen. H, come on. I'm just asking for a little closure, here. That's all."
"Adele and Lieutenant Walsh are interrogating him right now." Horatio relented.
Maria left the room without another word, vaguely aware that the others were following her. Outside the interrogation room, she stopped short, a few feet away from the plate glass window.
Adele and Lieutenant Taylor Walsh, the head of the CSI graveyard shift, were sitting across the table from the suspect. He looked young, clean-cut, completely normal.
He glanced up, and his eyes focused on Maria for a moment. Adele followed his gaze, and gave Maria a sympathetic look.
"Maria?" Eric's voice startled her slightly. She turned toward him, then walked quietly back to the breakroom. Eric and Calleigh followed her.
"He recognized her." Tim said to Horatio.
Horatio nodded. "It looked that way, didn't it?"
_________________________
"Maria?" Calleigh approached her friend carefully. "Maria, are you all right?"
"Fine!" Maria replied tensely, turning around with an obviously fake smile plastered across her face.
"No, you're not." Eric said. "Maybe you shouldn't have come back in today."
"That's ridiculous, I'm perfectly capable of putting this behind me and doing my job." Maria wouldn't look either of them in the eye as she headed for the door.
"We know, Maria." Calleigh blurted out. "We know everything. About Adam, about what he did to you...about what you did to yourself because of him. Anton told me, and I told Eric."
"No." Maria's reply was barely audible. "No, he didn't tell you. He couldn't."
"Maria, he did." Eric spoke up. "And Calleigh told me."
"No, you can't know!" Maria sobbed, turning back to them. "You can't, because if he told you, and you know, then it happened, and it's real..." Her legs buckled and she sank down to her knees slowly. "It can't be real...I can't let it be real..."
"Oh, God..." Eric knelt down beside her and gathered her into his arms. Calleigh followed him, rubbing Maria's back gently. She sagged against Eric's chest, her tears soaking through his shirt. "I'm sorry." He whispered against her hair. "Maria, I'm so sorry."
"I'd better take her home." Calleigh said after a minute, her eyes shining with tears. "Could you explain this to Horatio?"
______________________
The television stared at him, and he stared right back. It flashed him with images usually appealing to his temporal lobe, but now the pictures changed and he remained just as still. He was about to turn it off and go into the kitchen when a voice from the doorway stopped him.
"She bargained with me for a bath, but didn't even get to the bathroom, fell asleep." Calleigh sighed, sinking onto the couch and curling up against Tim's shoulder. "I took off her shoes for her, didn't want her to puncture the mattress with those things, and I put the covers over her. I guess we should just let her sleep for a while."
"Probably a long while." Tim agreed, draping one arm around her as she kicked off her shoes and drew her knees up to her chest. "You okay?"
"Not even close." Calleigh said as he kissed her forehead. "She's going to hate me for telling you and Eric, and she's going to hate Anton for telling me."
"I don't think she is." Tim pulled her into his arms. "Cal, she's been living with it for two years, it was going to hit her like this sooner or later. And if it had been later, you know it would have been a lot worse."
"Maybe." Calleigh admitted. "I just...I keep wondering how I would feel, if the tables were turned, and she'd told you about my dad, would I be mad? I just don't know. But then I remember that what she went through was so much worse..."
"Different, not worse." Tim corrected.
"I just hope we didn't break her." Calleigh said softly.
"She already was broken." Tim insisted, kissing the top of her head.
"Well, then I hope we can help fix her." Calleigh murmured, laying her head against his chest and closing her eyes.
After a few minutes, her entire body relaxed, and her breathing became slow and even. Careful not to disturb her, Tim stood up with her in his arms and made his way into her bedroom. Laying her in the center of the bed, he pulled the sheet over her. As he leaned down to kiss her gently, she reached up and grabbed his wrist.
"Stay." She whispered, opening her eyes slightly.
"Okay." He hardly needed to be convinced. Kicking off his sneakers, he slid into the bed beside her, gathering her in his arms and holding her close as she drifted off again.
___________________________
Horatio was not a man who easily found himself at a loss for words. Nor was he easily shaken, not after so many years as a CSI. But as he stared at the younger man sitting on the other side of his desk, trying to make sense of what he had just heard, his mind was clouded with shock and revulsion. Anyone with good intuition could see that Maria had some secret, some pain that she kept hidden away. But this was just beyond comprehension.
"Unbelievable, I know." Eric finally broke the silence. "What I wouldn't give for five minutes alone with that bastard."
"I guess the line would form behind you, wouldn't it?" Horatio finally found his voice. "Calleigh and Speed took her home?" Eric nodded. "All right, good. If you'd rather be there-"
Eric put up his hand and shook his head. "No, I need to work. Even if it's just paperwork or something. I can't do anything about her son of a bitch ex, but there has to be something I can do about this sick fuck we've got now. To be honest, what I'd really like to do about him is punch his teeth into the back of his skull, but since that's not possible..."
"If it were, I'd hold him down for you." Horatio said. "For Maria. And for Natalie Mullaly." He handed Eric some papers. "Here. Jana Moon was supposed to fill these out, but she's been working for almost twenty-four hours with one half hour break. I'm sure she'd be grateful to have one less thing keeping her awake."
"Okay." Eric said, taking the forms and starting to leave the office. "Thanks, H."
"Yeah." After Eric was gone, Horatio waited for a moment, then walked out of his office, heading for the interrogation room. He wanted to see that sick pervert get hauled away in handcuffs, headed for a lifetime behind bars, if he was lucky.
____________________________
Calleigh resisted waking up for as long as she could, wanting to stay in the shelter of Tim's warm, strong arms. When she was finally unable to fight it off any more, she opened her eyes, yawning softly. Tim had fallen asleep, and she moved out of his arms slowly, not wanting to disturb him when he looked so peaceful. Someone in that damned apartment deserved some peace.
Hearing a shuffling noise in the kitchen, she made her way out there slowly.
Maria was standing in front of the refrigerator, pouring a shot of vodka into a glass that was already half-filled with Coke. She turned around slightly. "Hey." She said softly.
"Hey, how are you feeling?" Calleigh asked.
"Bit of a headache." Maria replied. "But other than that, I'm good."
Calleigh looked at the glass in her friend's hand. "You really should eat something with that. Why don't I make you a sandwich?"
"I'm fine." Maria shrugged, sitting down at the table. "Is Tim here?"
"Yeah, he's asleep." Calleigh replied. "Seriously, let me make you a sandwich or some soup or something. You need to eat something."
"Fine." Maria sighed, taking a long sip of her drink. "Look, Cal, if you're trying to appease your guilty conscience-"
"I really am so sorry." Calleigh said.
"Don't be." Maria said softly. "I'm glad that Anton told you. And I'm glad that you told Eric."
"You are?" Calleigh asked.
"Yeah." Maria looked up from her drink and smiled slightly. "I mean, it's hard to even describe it, but...God, Calleigh, for two years now, I've been telling myself that everything Adam did me was a bad dream. All of it. Even the stuff Anton didn't tell you about. Things I never even told him."
Calleigh was shocked. "There's more?"
"Don't worry about it." Maria told her. "If you really want to know, I'll tell you about it another time. The point is, he did such horrible things to me, and I just...I let him. I never once fought back, or tried to get help. I see girls all the time who have been raped and beaten and tortured, and I always tell them over and over that they need to get help, they need to talk to someone, so the asshole who attacked them can't hurt someone else. I mean, it's hypocritical. I never even dealt with what happened to me."
"And I don't blame you." Calleigh said. "I can't even imagine what you went through."
Maria nodded. "And I hope, more than anything, that you will never have to. I don't even know how I feel right now. I didn't want it to be real. But it is, and I can't change that. So, I guess I finally have to deal with it."
Calleigh put one hand over Maria's. "You don't have to deal with it alone."
"I know." Maria said. "Thank you."
"Do you need anything else?" Calleigh asked.
"Nah, I'm gonna go back to bed. You should get some rest, too." Maria set down her glass. "Calleigh, I won't lie to you. I'm not okay right now. But I will be."
"Okay." Calleigh said, hugging Maria slightly. Somehow, she knew Maria was telling the truth.
______________________
"Did you see him?" Hagen asked.
"Yeah." Eric said. "He looked like a damn kid."
"Twenty-one years old, man." Hagen shook his head. "You gotta wonder, what kind of deep, dark shit does a guy go through in twenty-one damn years to make him want to do that kind of thing to a girl who never did anything to him."
"I'm having a harder time figuring out what would make a guy would do that kind of thing to a girl he says he loves." Eric replied.
Hagen looked perplexed. "What? Never mind, look, is Maria okay? Cause someone was telling me she had some kind of breakdown or something earlier."
"Yeah, kind of." Eric shrugged. "It's not something I can really talk about though, okay? You should really talk to her about it."
______________________
"Yes, I'm sure I'll be fine." Maria sighed. "I'll watch a video or something."
"Okay, but if you need anything, I'll be at Tim's apartment." Calleigh reminded her.
"I know, you told me that like, ten times." Maria threw a couch pillow at her friend. "Besides, what good's that gonna do me if I need anything? You know the phone's gonna be unplugged."
Calleigh threw the pillow back. "Fine, fine, I'm going."
A minute after Calleigh left, the buzzer sounded. Rolling her eyes, Maria got off the couch went to the door, and hit the intercom button. "Yeah?"
"If there's something really serious that you need me for," Calleigh said. "I'll leave my cell phone turned on, just in case, okay?"
"Okay, Cal, got it." Maria laughed, rolling her eyes. It wasn't that she didn't appreciate her roommate's concern. But she already had one mother, and that was enough.
The buzzer assailed her ears again.
"Dammit, Calleigh, just go!" She moaned. "I'm okay!"
"It's John. Is this a bad time?"
"Oh, sorry, no." Maria said quickly. "I mean, yeah...I mean, hang on a second." She hit the button next to the door to let him in, then waited until she heard his footsteps in the hallway. "Hey." She said, opening the door for him. "How's it going?"
"It's going all right." John replied, leaning down and kissing her on the cheek. "I just wanted to see if you were doing all right, I heard something happened at the lab today."
"Yeah, it did." Maria sighed. "Actually, I'm glad you're here. I really need to talk to you."
__________________________
I haven't ever really found
A place that I call home
I never stick around
Quite long enough to make it
I apologize that once again
I'm not in love
But it's not as if I mind
That your heart ain't exactly breaking
It's just a thought
Only a thought
But if my life is for rent
And I don't learn to buy
Well I deserve nothing
More than I get
Cause nothing that I have
Is truly mine
__________________________
"And that's it." Maria concluded, taking a deep breath. "I haven't seen him since."
John didn't speak. For a second, she wasn't sure he was even breathing. "Jesus fucking Christ." He said finally. He touched her face gently. "Maria...God, I don't even know what to say."
"Don't." She said, pulling away slightly. "It's okay. To tell you the truth, I'm not even sure what to say about it." She leaned in and kissed him softly. "I can't see you anymore."
John nodded. "I know. I can't see you anymore, either."
"I know." Maria smiled. "There's someone else. I understand. I'm in the same place."
"Well, I get that." John said. "But how did you know about-"
"Idiot." Maria sighed, rolling her eyes. "I got eyes, don't I?" She hit him playfully. "So, you don't want to be with me, and I don't want to be with you...what the hell are we doing here?"
"I don't know." He admitted. "Just...stalling, I guess."
"Yeah." Maria leaned back against the couch. "We had some fun though."
"Yeah, we did." John chuckled. "Like that time on the pool table-"
"Hey." Maria fixed him with a look, pouting playfully. "Is that 'never talking about it again?'"
"All right, relax." There was a slight pause before he spoke again. "I should probably go."
"Yeah, probably." She said. She walked him to the door, then hugged him slightly. "You really should make a move. Talk to her at least, okay?"
"I will." He promised. "And you should talk to Delko. The guy's so in love with you it's sad."
"I will." Maria sighed. "Anyway, I'll see you around, I guess."
"Yeah. I'll see you, Maria."
_______________________
I've always thought that
I would love to live by the sea
To travel the world alone
And live more simply
I have no idea
What's happened to that dream
Cause there's really nothing
Left here to stop me
It's just a thought
Only a thought
But if my life is for rent
And I don't learn to buy
Well I deserve nothing
More than I get
Cause nothing that I have
Is truly mine
While my heart is a shield
And I won't let it down
While I am so afraid to fail
So I won't even try
Well how can I say I'm alive?
But if my life is for rent
And I don't learn to buy
Well I deserve nothing
More than I get
Cause nothing that I have
Is truly mine
______________________
"So you really think she's going to be okay?" Tim asked.
Calleigh lifted her head off of his chest and smiled. "Yeah. It's gonna take a while, but she's going to get through this. I don't know how, but she is." Pushing him back slightly, she rolled on top of him and pressed her lips against his. Then she pulled back, gently trailing one finger down his chest. "In fact, I'm so sure she's going to be all right, I don't think we need to talk about this anymore."
Tim grinned and pulled her against him. "You won't hear me complaining."
______________________
I know you think
That I shouldn't still love you
Or tell you that
But if I didn't say it
Well I'd still have felt it
Where's the sense in that?
I promise I'm not trying
To make your life harder
Or return to where we were
But I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
______________________
"No one expects the Spanish Inquisition!" Maria shouted along with the Monty Python sketch on the TV screen. Hearing a knock on the door, she paused the tape. "Sorry, Mrs. Wozniack, I'll try to keep it down!"
"What the hell?" A familiar voice said.
"Oh, hey." Maria called, getting off the couch to open the door. "I keep forgetting to get that key back from you."
"Here." Eric said, handing it to her. "I just wanted-"
"To see if I'm all right." Maria finished for him. "You and the rest of Miami. And no, I'm not all right. But I will be."
"What that fucking bastard did to you...God, just thinking about it makes me feel like I'm going to throw up." Eric told her. "Now I understand why you got so upset, when I said I love you. He told you that he loved you, didn't he?"
"Every time." Maria sighed. "Said he loved me so much, he'd rather kill me than let me leave. That he'd put his gun in my mouth and pull the trigger before he'd let another guy touch me."
"Maria." Eric placed his hand on her arm to steady her, but she shook him off.
"Unless, of course, the other guy paid him first." Maria continued bitterly, looking at the floor.
"Unless he...oh God..." Eric sat down on the couch as the room seemed to spin around him. "Oh God, no. Tell me he didn't..."
"He did." Maria's voice was high and breathy, as if she were fighting back tears. "The night before I left him. There were two guys there, friends of his, I guess. They paid him...cash, cocaine, I have no idea. Anyway, whatever it was, it was enough. He let them at me. Then...when they were done, they left, and he beat the living hell out of me, for 'letting' them touch me. And then he raped me." She said the last sentence in a voice that was barely above a whisper. "It wasn't the first time, either. I told Anton it was. And I didn't tell him about those two guys."
"Why not?" Eric asked.
"Because I knew what he would do." Maria sighed. "That's why I didn't tell him that Adam raped me that night until after the divorce was final and Adam had taken off. I knew what he'd do, and I knew he'd tell the rest of our family, and I knew what they'd do." She paused and looked into the eyes of her former lover. "The same thing you're wishing you could do to him right now."
"You should have let them at the bastard." Eric said. "Should have let him get what he had coming."
"Not from my family." Maria insisted. "They've all got good lives, good careers. And there's still so much ahead of them. And you, too. All of you are much too good to throw your lives away over some coke-addled rapist who's not worth the bullet it would take to splatter what little brains he has across the wall."
"I don't think he has any brains at all." Eric reached for her, and this time she let him take her into his arms. "He was too stupid to see what an amazing gift he had. He never saw how beautiful you are, in so many ways. He didn't love you, Maria."
"I know that now." She sighed, wrapping her arms loosely around his neck. "I'm just...angry with myself, for letting him do that shit to me for so long. I shouldn't be. I should be angry with him."
"You will be." Eric kissed the top of her head. "I know you've probably heard this too many times today already, but you're stronger than him. Stronger than he ever could be. You'll rise above this. And you won't be alone."
"I know." Maria whispered, although secretly, she knew better. "Eric?" She said after a moment. "I love you."
He didn't say anything. So many times, he'd dreamed of hearing her say those words. He'd never imagined that they would break his heart.
Maria lifted her head off of his chest, and he saw tears in her eyes. "Have I ruined everything? After the way I've treated you these past few weeks?"
"No, it's not you." Eric insisted. "It's me. I'm afraid, Maria. Afraid of hurting you, even though I would never try to. You've been hurt too much already. I couldn't live with myself if I caused you any more pain."
"I understand." Maria said, her voice catching on a sob. "Maybe we're just meant to be friends. Just friends."
"Maybe." Eric agreed.
___________________________
I know I left too much
Mess and destruction to come back again
And I cause nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of it's over
Then I'm sure that it makes sense
But I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
_______________________________
"I'll just be a minute." Calleigh said, unlocking the apartment door. She stepped inside, and Tim followed her. "I just want to change my clothes real quick. I get so annoyed when people whisper..." She trailed off as she picked up a piece of paper from the coffee table.
"Cal?" Tim was immediately concerned when he saw the look on his girlfriend's face. "Babe, what is it?"
____________________________
"Did you get the message?" Eric asked.
"About the guy in that arson case pleading guilty?" Hagen said. "Yep. I'm glad to hear it, too. I really didn't feel like spending my day in a courtroom."
"You and me both." Eric agreed, pouring a cup of coffee.
"Gentlemen." Horatio greeted them as he entered the breakroom. "I take it you've both heard?"
"Yeah, we were just talking about that, H." Eric replied. "Hey, did you call Maria about it? She was supposed to testify, too, I think."
"I left a message for her, but she might not have gotten it." Horatio said, taking out his cell phone. He dialed Maria's pager number.
A few feet away on the counter, a pager that none of the men had noticed before started to beep.
"That's Maria's." Eric said, picking it up. He scanned the piece of paper that had been under the pager.
___________________________
"'Dear Calleigh.'" Tim read the letter out loud. "'Here's a check for my half of the rent for the next two months, if I'm gone longer than that, I'll send...'" He put the paper down and embraced Calleigh. "I'm sorry, baby."
____________________________
"She's taken a leave of absence." Horatio said, setting down the letter. He looked at Eric grimly. "I'm sorry."
Reading the letter again, Eric smiled slightly. "I'm not."
"Why not?" Hagen asked.
"Look." Eric pointed to the end of the letter. "She signed her full name. Maria Esperanza Santiago."
Hagen still didn't get it. "So?"
"So, her middle name." Eric said, rolling his eyes. "Esperanza. It's the Spanish word for hope."
________________________
It seems so far to go
It took so long to get here
Now I'm saying things
I swore I'd never say
And I'm afraid again
I thought I had it in me
I used to be so sure
There I was stronger than ever
And here I am blaming the hurt
And if I fall
I will find a way back to my hands
I'm the only one who can
Help me find my feet again
Sweet little fighter
Sweet little scar
Sweet little fire
In my heart
________________________
Pulling the light blue Beetle convertible up to the edge of where the asphalt met the sand and turning off the engine, Maria took out her cell phone and dialed a familiar number.
"Hello?" A woman's voice answered on the third ring.
"Hey, it's me." Maria said. "You know how you said you were thinking about hiring someone to help out around the house for a while? I think I've got a better idea..."
_________________________
It seems so easy now
Everything I dreamed about when I was a child
It looks like a good place here
So I think I'll stay for awhile
And if I fall
I will find a way back to my hands
I'm the only one who can
Help me find my feet again
You came here screaming
And never stopped to listen
To your one and only prayer
A place for you somewhere
_________________________
Up Next:
"Something truly horrible has happened. I have to get to her right now."
**************
"It's that one visit, that one knock on the door, that we all say we're prepared for, but we're all secretly hoping it will happen to 'someone else.' We forget that we're all 'someone else' to everyone else."
**************
"Even if I knew that this is where we'd end up, I would do it all again. Don't you think you deserve something that you could say that about?"
*************
Stay tuned!
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters (including Maria. She's made it quite clear that she owns her own damn self, thank you very much.) I'm just borrowing them and will return them when I've had my fun, somewhat dazed and disheveled, but otherwise in their original condition. Also, Maria and I have decided to keep Eric for a while, and we're sending Tim to Yana...
Rating: R, for the language and themes.
Pairings: Eric/Maria, Tim/Calleigh, Maria/Hagen (What? Quit looking at me like that, it was her idea.)
Feedback: Review it, or I'll send Maria to your house.
Dedication: To Yana, for once again helping me get over what could have been a hideous writer's block, and of course, to all of you who have been reviewing. I can't tell you how much it helps.
Soundtrack: "White Flag" and "Life for Rent" by Dido, "If I Fall" by Tara MacLean.
Note: I've gotten a few inquires about my series, so I thought I'd just let ya'll know that they're all archived on Fanfiction.net, and the order is as follows. "Blood Ties," "Isolation," "Ripped," "Damaged Goods," and next up, hopefully before Friday, "Catalyst."
__________________________________________
"I didn't think I'd see you today, Maria." Horatio said as the team filed into the breakroom.
Maria shrugged. "I said I'd be back today."
"I know, but I figured it was an idle threat. Like last month, when you swore you would get back at me for calling you in on your day off." Horatio replied.
Eric coughed, and Maria gave him a subtle look as she casually asked, "So, any news?"
"Actually, yes." Horatio said. "They got him."
No one spoke for a moment.
"Wait, you mean they got the guy who..." Calleigh's question trailed off, but Horatio nodded.
"Are they sure it's him?" Eric asked. "I mean, they're absolutely sure they've got the right guy?"
"He denied all of it at first." Horatio explained. "Obviously, I don't know all of the details, but as soon as he was presented with the evidence against him, he cracked."
"Is he here?" Maria asked.
Knowing what she wanted, Horatio thought for a moment before replying. "Maria, I don't know if it's a good idea for you to see him."
"I didn't ask you if you thought it was a good idea." Maria said, narrowing her eyes and crossing her arms. "I asked you if he's here. When I want your opinion..." She paused, then rolled her eyes. "Actually, that'll probably never happen. H, come on. I'm just asking for a little closure, here. That's all."
"Adele and Lieutenant Walsh are interrogating him right now." Horatio relented.
Maria left the room without another word, vaguely aware that the others were following her. Outside the interrogation room, she stopped short, a few feet away from the plate glass window.
Adele and Lieutenant Taylor Walsh, the head of the CSI graveyard shift, were sitting across the table from the suspect. He looked young, clean-cut, completely normal.
He glanced up, and his eyes focused on Maria for a moment. Adele followed his gaze, and gave Maria a sympathetic look.
"Maria?" Eric's voice startled her slightly. She turned toward him, then walked quietly back to the breakroom. Eric and Calleigh followed her.
"He recognized her." Tim said to Horatio.
Horatio nodded. "It looked that way, didn't it?"
_________________________
"Maria?" Calleigh approached her friend carefully. "Maria, are you all right?"
"Fine!" Maria replied tensely, turning around with an obviously fake smile plastered across her face.
"No, you're not." Eric said. "Maybe you shouldn't have come back in today."
"That's ridiculous, I'm perfectly capable of putting this behind me and doing my job." Maria wouldn't look either of them in the eye as she headed for the door.
"We know, Maria." Calleigh blurted out. "We know everything. About Adam, about what he did to you...about what you did to yourself because of him. Anton told me, and I told Eric."
"No." Maria's reply was barely audible. "No, he didn't tell you. He couldn't."
"Maria, he did." Eric spoke up. "And Calleigh told me."
"No, you can't know!" Maria sobbed, turning back to them. "You can't, because if he told you, and you know, then it happened, and it's real..." Her legs buckled and she sank down to her knees slowly. "It can't be real...I can't let it be real..."
"Oh, God..." Eric knelt down beside her and gathered her into his arms. Calleigh followed him, rubbing Maria's back gently. She sagged against Eric's chest, her tears soaking through his shirt. "I'm sorry." He whispered against her hair. "Maria, I'm so sorry."
"I'd better take her home." Calleigh said after a minute, her eyes shining with tears. "Could you explain this to Horatio?"
______________________
The television stared at him, and he stared right back. It flashed him with images usually appealing to his temporal lobe, but now the pictures changed and he remained just as still. He was about to turn it off and go into the kitchen when a voice from the doorway stopped him.
"She bargained with me for a bath, but didn't even get to the bathroom, fell asleep." Calleigh sighed, sinking onto the couch and curling up against Tim's shoulder. "I took off her shoes for her, didn't want her to puncture the mattress with those things, and I put the covers over her. I guess we should just let her sleep for a while."
"Probably a long while." Tim agreed, draping one arm around her as she kicked off her shoes and drew her knees up to her chest. "You okay?"
"Not even close." Calleigh said as he kissed her forehead. "She's going to hate me for telling you and Eric, and she's going to hate Anton for telling me."
"I don't think she is." Tim pulled her into his arms. "Cal, she's been living with it for two years, it was going to hit her like this sooner or later. And if it had been later, you know it would have been a lot worse."
"Maybe." Calleigh admitted. "I just...I keep wondering how I would feel, if the tables were turned, and she'd told you about my dad, would I be mad? I just don't know. But then I remember that what she went through was so much worse..."
"Different, not worse." Tim corrected.
"I just hope we didn't break her." Calleigh said softly.
"She already was broken." Tim insisted, kissing the top of her head.
"Well, then I hope we can help fix her." Calleigh murmured, laying her head against his chest and closing her eyes.
After a few minutes, her entire body relaxed, and her breathing became slow and even. Careful not to disturb her, Tim stood up with her in his arms and made his way into her bedroom. Laying her in the center of the bed, he pulled the sheet over her. As he leaned down to kiss her gently, she reached up and grabbed his wrist.
"Stay." She whispered, opening her eyes slightly.
"Okay." He hardly needed to be convinced. Kicking off his sneakers, he slid into the bed beside her, gathering her in his arms and holding her close as she drifted off again.
___________________________
Horatio was not a man who easily found himself at a loss for words. Nor was he easily shaken, not after so many years as a CSI. But as he stared at the younger man sitting on the other side of his desk, trying to make sense of what he had just heard, his mind was clouded with shock and revulsion. Anyone with good intuition could see that Maria had some secret, some pain that she kept hidden away. But this was just beyond comprehension.
"Unbelievable, I know." Eric finally broke the silence. "What I wouldn't give for five minutes alone with that bastard."
"I guess the line would form behind you, wouldn't it?" Horatio finally found his voice. "Calleigh and Speed took her home?" Eric nodded. "All right, good. If you'd rather be there-"
Eric put up his hand and shook his head. "No, I need to work. Even if it's just paperwork or something. I can't do anything about her son of a bitch ex, but there has to be something I can do about this sick fuck we've got now. To be honest, what I'd really like to do about him is punch his teeth into the back of his skull, but since that's not possible..."
"If it were, I'd hold him down for you." Horatio said. "For Maria. And for Natalie Mullaly." He handed Eric some papers. "Here. Jana Moon was supposed to fill these out, but she's been working for almost twenty-four hours with one half hour break. I'm sure she'd be grateful to have one less thing keeping her awake."
"Okay." Eric said, taking the forms and starting to leave the office. "Thanks, H."
"Yeah." After Eric was gone, Horatio waited for a moment, then walked out of his office, heading for the interrogation room. He wanted to see that sick pervert get hauled away in handcuffs, headed for a lifetime behind bars, if he was lucky.
____________________________
Calleigh resisted waking up for as long as she could, wanting to stay in the shelter of Tim's warm, strong arms. When she was finally unable to fight it off any more, she opened her eyes, yawning softly. Tim had fallen asleep, and she moved out of his arms slowly, not wanting to disturb him when he looked so peaceful. Someone in that damned apartment deserved some peace.
Hearing a shuffling noise in the kitchen, she made her way out there slowly.
Maria was standing in front of the refrigerator, pouring a shot of vodka into a glass that was already half-filled with Coke. She turned around slightly. "Hey." She said softly.
"Hey, how are you feeling?" Calleigh asked.
"Bit of a headache." Maria replied. "But other than that, I'm good."
Calleigh looked at the glass in her friend's hand. "You really should eat something with that. Why don't I make you a sandwich?"
"I'm fine." Maria shrugged, sitting down at the table. "Is Tim here?"
"Yeah, he's asleep." Calleigh replied. "Seriously, let me make you a sandwich or some soup or something. You need to eat something."
"Fine." Maria sighed, taking a long sip of her drink. "Look, Cal, if you're trying to appease your guilty conscience-"
"I really am so sorry." Calleigh said.
"Don't be." Maria said softly. "I'm glad that Anton told you. And I'm glad that you told Eric."
"You are?" Calleigh asked.
"Yeah." Maria looked up from her drink and smiled slightly. "I mean, it's hard to even describe it, but...God, Calleigh, for two years now, I've been telling myself that everything Adam did me was a bad dream. All of it. Even the stuff Anton didn't tell you about. Things I never even told him."
Calleigh was shocked. "There's more?"
"Don't worry about it." Maria told her. "If you really want to know, I'll tell you about it another time. The point is, he did such horrible things to me, and I just...I let him. I never once fought back, or tried to get help. I see girls all the time who have been raped and beaten and tortured, and I always tell them over and over that they need to get help, they need to talk to someone, so the asshole who attacked them can't hurt someone else. I mean, it's hypocritical. I never even dealt with what happened to me."
"And I don't blame you." Calleigh said. "I can't even imagine what you went through."
Maria nodded. "And I hope, more than anything, that you will never have to. I don't even know how I feel right now. I didn't want it to be real. But it is, and I can't change that. So, I guess I finally have to deal with it."
Calleigh put one hand over Maria's. "You don't have to deal with it alone."
"I know." Maria said. "Thank you."
"Do you need anything else?" Calleigh asked.
"Nah, I'm gonna go back to bed. You should get some rest, too." Maria set down her glass. "Calleigh, I won't lie to you. I'm not okay right now. But I will be."
"Okay." Calleigh said, hugging Maria slightly. Somehow, she knew Maria was telling the truth.
______________________
"Did you see him?" Hagen asked.
"Yeah." Eric said. "He looked like a damn kid."
"Twenty-one years old, man." Hagen shook his head. "You gotta wonder, what kind of deep, dark shit does a guy go through in twenty-one damn years to make him want to do that kind of thing to a girl who never did anything to him."
"I'm having a harder time figuring out what would make a guy would do that kind of thing to a girl he says he loves." Eric replied.
Hagen looked perplexed. "What? Never mind, look, is Maria okay? Cause someone was telling me she had some kind of breakdown or something earlier."
"Yeah, kind of." Eric shrugged. "It's not something I can really talk about though, okay? You should really talk to her about it."
______________________
"Yes, I'm sure I'll be fine." Maria sighed. "I'll watch a video or something."
"Okay, but if you need anything, I'll be at Tim's apartment." Calleigh reminded her.
"I know, you told me that like, ten times." Maria threw a couch pillow at her friend. "Besides, what good's that gonna do me if I need anything? You know the phone's gonna be unplugged."
Calleigh threw the pillow back. "Fine, fine, I'm going."
A minute after Calleigh left, the buzzer sounded. Rolling her eyes, Maria got off the couch went to the door, and hit the intercom button. "Yeah?"
"If there's something really serious that you need me for," Calleigh said. "I'll leave my cell phone turned on, just in case, okay?"
"Okay, Cal, got it." Maria laughed, rolling her eyes. It wasn't that she didn't appreciate her roommate's concern. But she already had one mother, and that was enough.
The buzzer assailed her ears again.
"Dammit, Calleigh, just go!" She moaned. "I'm okay!"
"It's John. Is this a bad time?"
"Oh, sorry, no." Maria said quickly. "I mean, yeah...I mean, hang on a second." She hit the button next to the door to let him in, then waited until she heard his footsteps in the hallway. "Hey." She said, opening the door for him. "How's it going?"
"It's going all right." John replied, leaning down and kissing her on the cheek. "I just wanted to see if you were doing all right, I heard something happened at the lab today."
"Yeah, it did." Maria sighed. "Actually, I'm glad you're here. I really need to talk to you."
__________________________
I haven't ever really found
A place that I call home
I never stick around
Quite long enough to make it
I apologize that once again
I'm not in love
But it's not as if I mind
That your heart ain't exactly breaking
It's just a thought
Only a thought
But if my life is for rent
And I don't learn to buy
Well I deserve nothing
More than I get
Cause nothing that I have
Is truly mine
__________________________
"And that's it." Maria concluded, taking a deep breath. "I haven't seen him since."
John didn't speak. For a second, she wasn't sure he was even breathing. "Jesus fucking Christ." He said finally. He touched her face gently. "Maria...God, I don't even know what to say."
"Don't." She said, pulling away slightly. "It's okay. To tell you the truth, I'm not even sure what to say about it." She leaned in and kissed him softly. "I can't see you anymore."
John nodded. "I know. I can't see you anymore, either."
"I know." Maria smiled. "There's someone else. I understand. I'm in the same place."
"Well, I get that." John said. "But how did you know about-"
"Idiot." Maria sighed, rolling her eyes. "I got eyes, don't I?" She hit him playfully. "So, you don't want to be with me, and I don't want to be with you...what the hell are we doing here?"
"I don't know." He admitted. "Just...stalling, I guess."
"Yeah." Maria leaned back against the couch. "We had some fun though."
"Yeah, we did." John chuckled. "Like that time on the pool table-"
"Hey." Maria fixed him with a look, pouting playfully. "Is that 'never talking about it again?'"
"All right, relax." There was a slight pause before he spoke again. "I should probably go."
"Yeah, probably." She said. She walked him to the door, then hugged him slightly. "You really should make a move. Talk to her at least, okay?"
"I will." He promised. "And you should talk to Delko. The guy's so in love with you it's sad."
"I will." Maria sighed. "Anyway, I'll see you around, I guess."
"Yeah. I'll see you, Maria."
_______________________
I've always thought that
I would love to live by the sea
To travel the world alone
And live more simply
I have no idea
What's happened to that dream
Cause there's really nothing
Left here to stop me
It's just a thought
Only a thought
But if my life is for rent
And I don't learn to buy
Well I deserve nothing
More than I get
Cause nothing that I have
Is truly mine
While my heart is a shield
And I won't let it down
While I am so afraid to fail
So I won't even try
Well how can I say I'm alive?
But if my life is for rent
And I don't learn to buy
Well I deserve nothing
More than I get
Cause nothing that I have
Is truly mine
______________________
"So you really think she's going to be okay?" Tim asked.
Calleigh lifted her head off of his chest and smiled. "Yeah. It's gonna take a while, but she's going to get through this. I don't know how, but she is." Pushing him back slightly, she rolled on top of him and pressed her lips against his. Then she pulled back, gently trailing one finger down his chest. "In fact, I'm so sure she's going to be all right, I don't think we need to talk about this anymore."
Tim grinned and pulled her against him. "You won't hear me complaining."
______________________
I know you think
That I shouldn't still love you
Or tell you that
But if I didn't say it
Well I'd still have felt it
Where's the sense in that?
I promise I'm not trying
To make your life harder
Or return to where we were
But I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
______________________
"No one expects the Spanish Inquisition!" Maria shouted along with the Monty Python sketch on the TV screen. Hearing a knock on the door, she paused the tape. "Sorry, Mrs. Wozniack, I'll try to keep it down!"
"What the hell?" A familiar voice said.
"Oh, hey." Maria called, getting off the couch to open the door. "I keep forgetting to get that key back from you."
"Here." Eric said, handing it to her. "I just wanted-"
"To see if I'm all right." Maria finished for him. "You and the rest of Miami. And no, I'm not all right. But I will be."
"What that fucking bastard did to you...God, just thinking about it makes me feel like I'm going to throw up." Eric told her. "Now I understand why you got so upset, when I said I love you. He told you that he loved you, didn't he?"
"Every time." Maria sighed. "Said he loved me so much, he'd rather kill me than let me leave. That he'd put his gun in my mouth and pull the trigger before he'd let another guy touch me."
"Maria." Eric placed his hand on her arm to steady her, but she shook him off.
"Unless, of course, the other guy paid him first." Maria continued bitterly, looking at the floor.
"Unless he...oh God..." Eric sat down on the couch as the room seemed to spin around him. "Oh God, no. Tell me he didn't..."
"He did." Maria's voice was high and breathy, as if she were fighting back tears. "The night before I left him. There were two guys there, friends of his, I guess. They paid him...cash, cocaine, I have no idea. Anyway, whatever it was, it was enough. He let them at me. Then...when they were done, they left, and he beat the living hell out of me, for 'letting' them touch me. And then he raped me." She said the last sentence in a voice that was barely above a whisper. "It wasn't the first time, either. I told Anton it was. And I didn't tell him about those two guys."
"Why not?" Eric asked.
"Because I knew what he would do." Maria sighed. "That's why I didn't tell him that Adam raped me that night until after the divorce was final and Adam had taken off. I knew what he'd do, and I knew he'd tell the rest of our family, and I knew what they'd do." She paused and looked into the eyes of her former lover. "The same thing you're wishing you could do to him right now."
"You should have let them at the bastard." Eric said. "Should have let him get what he had coming."
"Not from my family." Maria insisted. "They've all got good lives, good careers. And there's still so much ahead of them. And you, too. All of you are much too good to throw your lives away over some coke-addled rapist who's not worth the bullet it would take to splatter what little brains he has across the wall."
"I don't think he has any brains at all." Eric reached for her, and this time she let him take her into his arms. "He was too stupid to see what an amazing gift he had. He never saw how beautiful you are, in so many ways. He didn't love you, Maria."
"I know that now." She sighed, wrapping her arms loosely around his neck. "I'm just...angry with myself, for letting him do that shit to me for so long. I shouldn't be. I should be angry with him."
"You will be." Eric kissed the top of her head. "I know you've probably heard this too many times today already, but you're stronger than him. Stronger than he ever could be. You'll rise above this. And you won't be alone."
"I know." Maria whispered, although secretly, she knew better. "Eric?" She said after a moment. "I love you."
He didn't say anything. So many times, he'd dreamed of hearing her say those words. He'd never imagined that they would break his heart.
Maria lifted her head off of his chest, and he saw tears in her eyes. "Have I ruined everything? After the way I've treated you these past few weeks?"
"No, it's not you." Eric insisted. "It's me. I'm afraid, Maria. Afraid of hurting you, even though I would never try to. You've been hurt too much already. I couldn't live with myself if I caused you any more pain."
"I understand." Maria said, her voice catching on a sob. "Maybe we're just meant to be friends. Just friends."
"Maybe." Eric agreed.
___________________________
I know I left too much
Mess and destruction to come back again
And I cause nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of it's over
Then I'm sure that it makes sense
But I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
_______________________________
"I'll just be a minute." Calleigh said, unlocking the apartment door. She stepped inside, and Tim followed her. "I just want to change my clothes real quick. I get so annoyed when people whisper..." She trailed off as she picked up a piece of paper from the coffee table.
"Cal?" Tim was immediately concerned when he saw the look on his girlfriend's face. "Babe, what is it?"
____________________________
"Did you get the message?" Eric asked.
"About the guy in that arson case pleading guilty?" Hagen said. "Yep. I'm glad to hear it, too. I really didn't feel like spending my day in a courtroom."
"You and me both." Eric agreed, pouring a cup of coffee.
"Gentlemen." Horatio greeted them as he entered the breakroom. "I take it you've both heard?"
"Yeah, we were just talking about that, H." Eric replied. "Hey, did you call Maria about it? She was supposed to testify, too, I think."
"I left a message for her, but she might not have gotten it." Horatio said, taking out his cell phone. He dialed Maria's pager number.
A few feet away on the counter, a pager that none of the men had noticed before started to beep.
"That's Maria's." Eric said, picking it up. He scanned the piece of paper that had been under the pager.
___________________________
"'Dear Calleigh.'" Tim read the letter out loud. "'Here's a check for my half of the rent for the next two months, if I'm gone longer than that, I'll send...'" He put the paper down and embraced Calleigh. "I'm sorry, baby."
____________________________
"She's taken a leave of absence." Horatio said, setting down the letter. He looked at Eric grimly. "I'm sorry."
Reading the letter again, Eric smiled slightly. "I'm not."
"Why not?" Hagen asked.
"Look." Eric pointed to the end of the letter. "She signed her full name. Maria Esperanza Santiago."
Hagen still didn't get it. "So?"
"So, her middle name." Eric said, rolling his eyes. "Esperanza. It's the Spanish word for hope."
________________________
It seems so far to go
It took so long to get here
Now I'm saying things
I swore I'd never say
And I'm afraid again
I thought I had it in me
I used to be so sure
There I was stronger than ever
And here I am blaming the hurt
And if I fall
I will find a way back to my hands
I'm the only one who can
Help me find my feet again
Sweet little fighter
Sweet little scar
Sweet little fire
In my heart
________________________
Pulling the light blue Beetle convertible up to the edge of where the asphalt met the sand and turning off the engine, Maria took out her cell phone and dialed a familiar number.
"Hello?" A woman's voice answered on the third ring.
"Hey, it's me." Maria said. "You know how you said you were thinking about hiring someone to help out around the house for a while? I think I've got a better idea..."
_________________________
It seems so easy now
Everything I dreamed about when I was a child
It looks like a good place here
So I think I'll stay for awhile
And if I fall
I will find a way back to my hands
I'm the only one who can
Help me find my feet again
You came here screaming
And never stopped to listen
To your one and only prayer
A place for you somewhere
_________________________
Up Next:
"Something truly horrible has happened. I have to get to her right now."
**************
"It's that one visit, that one knock on the door, that we all say we're prepared for, but we're all secretly hoping it will happen to 'someone else.' We forget that we're all 'someone else' to everyone else."
**************
"Even if I knew that this is where we'd end up, I would do it all again. Don't you think you deserve something that you could say that about?"
*************
Stay tuned!