Here In Your Arms
By: RaERz
Disclaimer: I do not own ER, or the characters, as much as I would love having Carter, Malucci or even Luka. I don't own the song "If You're Not the One" either, it's by Daniel Benningfield
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Susan paced through the ER, putting the last of her charts on the admit desk. Randi popped her gum as she flipped through the pages of Glamour magazine.
"Isn't your shift over?" Randi asked Susan.
"Just ended," Susan said, beaming. "Have you seen Carter?"
"Not recently. Last time I saw him he was reviewing charts in the suture room," Randi replied uninterestingly, flipping another page and popping her gum again.
"Thanks," Susan replied. She wandered toward the suture room, eager to spend time with Carter now that her shift was over.
"Hey Dr. Lewis," Malik greeted as he waltzed out of a trauma room.
"Hey Malik," Susan replied, smiling.
"I'm glad the rush is over," Malik smiled.
"Never say that - you'll jinx it!" Susan chuckled. She turned and kept on her path to the suture room.
Her smile immediately faded as she peered through the window of the suture room. A rush of cold came over her body, and she seemed frozen in place, staring at the couple kissing in the suture room. She couldn't think. She couldn't breathe. Susan bolted down the hallway and ran out through the Ambulance Bay. She could hear Randi calling after her, but she didn't care. Her lab coat flapped behind her as she ran faster, into the cold Chicago night. It was the dead of winter, but Susan couldn't feel anything. Just anger. She thought he loved her. She thought Abby didn't mean anything to him. Why now, just when she thought their relationship was building into something more? She didn't know when she finally stopped running, or how far she ran. She just found herself in a park. It seemed familiar. She sat down on the swing, swinging slowly. Then she realized why it was familiar: she had held Susie on this swing when she told Mark that she was adopting her.
"I really need you right now, Mark," she thought out loud, tears streaming down her face. She was overwhelmed. She was always the strong one, always pulling together through tough situations, never showing her weak, fragile side. Only Mark knew her entirely. He would know what to do right now. Sobs took over her fragile body and she shook. Why did Carter do this to her? He had told her that he loved her. She thought he was the one she was meant to be with. She thought her life was near perfect now that she was with him. And he turned his back on her. Her face grew red hot with anger. She loathed him for this. She had trusted him. She got off the swing and walked toward the El, her feel crunching the snow beneath them. She couldn't go back to the hospital.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Hey Randi - have you seen Susan?" Carter asked as he placed his charts in the growing pile.
"She asked me where you were and then later bolted from the ER. She seemed kind of upset." Randi said, still seeming more interested in her magazine than anything else. "Do you think this dress would look good on me?" she asked.
"Oh no." Carter replied. "Do you know where she went?"
"Nope. She just ran. Didn't even get her coat or anything." Randi replied, popping her gum again.
"Shoot," Carter muttered. What if Susan had seen him and Abby? He totally regretted it. Heck, it wasn't even his fault. All he knew was that he had to find Susan.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Susan walked off the El. It was dark and Susan was now regretting not grabbing her coat before she left. She shivered and quickened her pace toward her apartment. She grabbed her keys out of her pocket and opened her door. She pulled off her lab coat and put it on the bed. She changed into flannel pajama pants and a sweatshirt. She curled up on the coach, pushing her hair out of her face. 12 hours earlier she and Carter had been kissing on this couch. He was disappointed when they had to go to work and couldn't go further. How could he do this? Just this morning they were happy. She was sure she falling in love with him. He was always on her mind: at work, at home, wherever she went she had this need to be near him. She drifted off to sleep on the couch.
The phone ringing awoke Susan. She gazed at the clock: 11:30. She hadn't been asleep for very long. She rolled over as the answering machine switched on.
"Hey this is Susan. I can't come to the phone right now. Leave a message." "Beep." "Hey Susan - it's Carter. Are you there? Please pick up Susan. Please. Umm. I don't know what you saw today, but it's not what you think. Please Susan please." "Click."
Anger surged through her veins. "It's not what you think?!" Oh please! She knew exactly what was going on. She picked herself up and walked toward the bedroom, lay down on the bed, and fell asleep.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Carter hung up the phone. He felt horrible. He hadn't kissed Abby. HE didn't feel anything for her anymore. With Susan he felt his life was complete. He. he was. falling in love with her. And now he probably lost her. He hadn't kissed Abby. He was in the suture room doing his charts, waiting until his shift was over so he could spend time with Susan, when Abby came in and asked for a second opinion on a patient. Then she cornered him and asked him what was going on between them. Carter confessed that he was over her and was falling in love with Susan. He got sick of waiting for her and Luka to break up, and he had fallen in love. Then Abby just. kissed him. He tried to pull away but she wouldn't let him. But he knew Susan would never believe him. Not with the history that he and Abby have. He had a hard enough time convincing Susan that he didn't care for Abby anymore. How was he going to convince her that he didn't kiss Abby? It was impossible. He was losing the love of his life, and there was nothing he could do about it.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Susan's alarm clock went off as she rolled lazily out of bed and shut it off. She had been having a wonderful dream about Carter and her. They were getting married on the beach, with lots of flowers and beautiful dresses, and. She gazed down at the answering machine: 4 messages. All from Carter. Suddenly she was thrown back into reality. She picked up the phone and dialed the number to the ER. Sounding as sick as possible, she heard Jerry's voice come over the phone.
"ER."
"Yeah hey Jerry (cough). It's Susan. (cough) I don't feel so well and I just threw up. Could you tell Kerry I can't come in today?"
"Sure Dr. Lewis. Feel better."
"Bye."
Susan hung up the phone and went into the kitchen to make herself some breakfast.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Carter raced into the ER, early for his shift.
"Hey Jerry has Susan clocked in yet?" Carter asked.
"Actually, she just called in sick." Jerry said.
"Oh." Carter turned around and walked into the lounge. Of course John, why would she want to see you after yesterday? He picked up the phone and dialed her number. This time, he left a lengthy message, explaining the whole situation.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Hey Susan, it's Carter. I know you don't want to talk to me right now, but I just want you to know something. I didn't kiss Abby yesterday. She came onto me. I told her I was over her and I was in love with you, but she kissed me anyway. I tried to pull away, but by the time I did, you were already gone. I'm really sorry. I know I'll probably that you'll never speak to me again, but I just want you to know Susan. I'm falling in love with you. I think about you non-stop; at work, at home, anywhere. I feel empty when you're not near me, you're smile brightening up my day and you're laughter filling the room. I hate being apart form you Susan, and I'm sorry I hurt you. I gotta get back to work. Bye."
Susan put down her cereal and thought about what he had said.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
He hung up the phone. He couldn't take it. He had to talk to her, to save their relationship.
"Hey Jerry, I'll be right back." Carter exclaimed as he raced from the ER. He hopped on the El. He grabbed a piece of paper out of his pocket and wrote something on it hurriedly. When he reached the stop, he jumped off the El and ran to Susan's apartment. He knocked on the door. She opened it slowly, he hair slightly tousled from sleep. She saw him and immediately closed the door.
"Susan, please!" Carter exclaimed. He pushed the piece of paper under the door and waited. She picked it up and unfolded it. It was a song by one of Susan's favorite artists, Daniel Beddingfield. The song went through her head as she read the familiar scrawl:
--------------------------------
If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call?
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all?
I never know what the future brings
But I know you are here with me now
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you're not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?
I don't know why you're so far away
But I know that this much is true
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you're the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life
I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
'Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
And know my heart is by your side
I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
--------------------------------
Tears were streaming down her face and she folded up the letter. Carter was already half way down the hallway when she slowly opened the door. He turned and walked towards her.
"Do you mean this?" Susan asked, more tears pouring down her face.
"Every word," Carter said, smiling. He wiped the tears from her cheeks and he brought his face closer to her. She stared into his eyes. "I love you, Susan Lewis."
"I love you too, John Carter." Susan smiled and leaned in. He captured her lips with his, as he caressed her face. She looked up at him and smiled. He wrapped his arms around her and they stood there in the hallway, together, in each other's arms.
By: RaERz
Disclaimer: I do not own ER, or the characters, as much as I would love having Carter, Malucci or even Luka. I don't own the song "If You're Not the One" either, it's by Daniel Benningfield
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Susan paced through the ER, putting the last of her charts on the admit desk. Randi popped her gum as she flipped through the pages of Glamour magazine.
"Isn't your shift over?" Randi asked Susan.
"Just ended," Susan said, beaming. "Have you seen Carter?"
"Not recently. Last time I saw him he was reviewing charts in the suture room," Randi replied uninterestingly, flipping another page and popping her gum again.
"Thanks," Susan replied. She wandered toward the suture room, eager to spend time with Carter now that her shift was over.
"Hey Dr. Lewis," Malik greeted as he waltzed out of a trauma room.
"Hey Malik," Susan replied, smiling.
"I'm glad the rush is over," Malik smiled.
"Never say that - you'll jinx it!" Susan chuckled. She turned and kept on her path to the suture room.
Her smile immediately faded as she peered through the window of the suture room. A rush of cold came over her body, and she seemed frozen in place, staring at the couple kissing in the suture room. She couldn't think. She couldn't breathe. Susan bolted down the hallway and ran out through the Ambulance Bay. She could hear Randi calling after her, but she didn't care. Her lab coat flapped behind her as she ran faster, into the cold Chicago night. It was the dead of winter, but Susan couldn't feel anything. Just anger. She thought he loved her. She thought Abby didn't mean anything to him. Why now, just when she thought their relationship was building into something more? She didn't know when she finally stopped running, or how far she ran. She just found herself in a park. It seemed familiar. She sat down on the swing, swinging slowly. Then she realized why it was familiar: she had held Susie on this swing when she told Mark that she was adopting her.
"I really need you right now, Mark," she thought out loud, tears streaming down her face. She was overwhelmed. She was always the strong one, always pulling together through tough situations, never showing her weak, fragile side. Only Mark knew her entirely. He would know what to do right now. Sobs took over her fragile body and she shook. Why did Carter do this to her? He had told her that he loved her. She thought he was the one she was meant to be with. She thought her life was near perfect now that she was with him. And he turned his back on her. Her face grew red hot with anger. She loathed him for this. She had trusted him. She got off the swing and walked toward the El, her feel crunching the snow beneath them. She couldn't go back to the hospital.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Hey Randi - have you seen Susan?" Carter asked as he placed his charts in the growing pile.
"She asked me where you were and then later bolted from the ER. She seemed kind of upset." Randi said, still seeming more interested in her magazine than anything else. "Do you think this dress would look good on me?" she asked.
"Oh no." Carter replied. "Do you know where she went?"
"Nope. She just ran. Didn't even get her coat or anything." Randi replied, popping her gum again.
"Shoot," Carter muttered. What if Susan had seen him and Abby? He totally regretted it. Heck, it wasn't even his fault. All he knew was that he had to find Susan.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Susan walked off the El. It was dark and Susan was now regretting not grabbing her coat before she left. She shivered and quickened her pace toward her apartment. She grabbed her keys out of her pocket and opened her door. She pulled off her lab coat and put it on the bed. She changed into flannel pajama pants and a sweatshirt. She curled up on the coach, pushing her hair out of her face. 12 hours earlier she and Carter had been kissing on this couch. He was disappointed when they had to go to work and couldn't go further. How could he do this? Just this morning they were happy. She was sure she falling in love with him. He was always on her mind: at work, at home, wherever she went she had this need to be near him. She drifted off to sleep on the couch.
The phone ringing awoke Susan. She gazed at the clock: 11:30. She hadn't been asleep for very long. She rolled over as the answering machine switched on.
"Hey this is Susan. I can't come to the phone right now. Leave a message." "Beep." "Hey Susan - it's Carter. Are you there? Please pick up Susan. Please. Umm. I don't know what you saw today, but it's not what you think. Please Susan please." "Click."
Anger surged through her veins. "It's not what you think?!" Oh please! She knew exactly what was going on. She picked herself up and walked toward the bedroom, lay down on the bed, and fell asleep.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Carter hung up the phone. He felt horrible. He hadn't kissed Abby. HE didn't feel anything for her anymore. With Susan he felt his life was complete. He. he was. falling in love with her. And now he probably lost her. He hadn't kissed Abby. He was in the suture room doing his charts, waiting until his shift was over so he could spend time with Susan, when Abby came in and asked for a second opinion on a patient. Then she cornered him and asked him what was going on between them. Carter confessed that he was over her and was falling in love with Susan. He got sick of waiting for her and Luka to break up, and he had fallen in love. Then Abby just. kissed him. He tried to pull away but she wouldn't let him. But he knew Susan would never believe him. Not with the history that he and Abby have. He had a hard enough time convincing Susan that he didn't care for Abby anymore. How was he going to convince her that he didn't kiss Abby? It was impossible. He was losing the love of his life, and there was nothing he could do about it.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Susan's alarm clock went off as she rolled lazily out of bed and shut it off. She had been having a wonderful dream about Carter and her. They were getting married on the beach, with lots of flowers and beautiful dresses, and. She gazed down at the answering machine: 4 messages. All from Carter. Suddenly she was thrown back into reality. She picked up the phone and dialed the number to the ER. Sounding as sick as possible, she heard Jerry's voice come over the phone.
"ER."
"Yeah hey Jerry (cough). It's Susan. (cough) I don't feel so well and I just threw up. Could you tell Kerry I can't come in today?"
"Sure Dr. Lewis. Feel better."
"Bye."
Susan hung up the phone and went into the kitchen to make herself some breakfast.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Carter raced into the ER, early for his shift.
"Hey Jerry has Susan clocked in yet?" Carter asked.
"Actually, she just called in sick." Jerry said.
"Oh." Carter turned around and walked into the lounge. Of course John, why would she want to see you after yesterday? He picked up the phone and dialed her number. This time, he left a lengthy message, explaining the whole situation.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Hey Susan, it's Carter. I know you don't want to talk to me right now, but I just want you to know something. I didn't kiss Abby yesterday. She came onto me. I told her I was over her and I was in love with you, but she kissed me anyway. I tried to pull away, but by the time I did, you were already gone. I'm really sorry. I know I'll probably that you'll never speak to me again, but I just want you to know Susan. I'm falling in love with you. I think about you non-stop; at work, at home, anywhere. I feel empty when you're not near me, you're smile brightening up my day and you're laughter filling the room. I hate being apart form you Susan, and I'm sorry I hurt you. I gotta get back to work. Bye."
Susan put down her cereal and thought about what he had said.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
He hung up the phone. He couldn't take it. He had to talk to her, to save their relationship.
"Hey Jerry, I'll be right back." Carter exclaimed as he raced from the ER. He hopped on the El. He grabbed a piece of paper out of his pocket and wrote something on it hurriedly. When he reached the stop, he jumped off the El and ran to Susan's apartment. He knocked on the door. She opened it slowly, he hair slightly tousled from sleep. She saw him and immediately closed the door.
"Susan, please!" Carter exclaimed. He pushed the piece of paper under the door and waited. She picked it up and unfolded it. It was a song by one of Susan's favorite artists, Daniel Beddingfield. The song went through her head as she read the familiar scrawl:
--------------------------------
If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call?
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all?
I never know what the future brings
But I know you are here with me now
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you're not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?
I don't know why you're so far away
But I know that this much is true
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you're the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life
I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
'Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
And know my heart is by your side
I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
--------------------------------
Tears were streaming down her face and she folded up the letter. Carter was already half way down the hallway when she slowly opened the door. He turned and walked towards her.
"Do you mean this?" Susan asked, more tears pouring down her face.
"Every word," Carter said, smiling. He wiped the tears from her cheeks and he brought his face closer to her. She stared into his eyes. "I love you, Susan Lewis."
"I love you too, John Carter." Susan smiled and leaned in. He captured her lips with his, as he caressed her face. She looked up at him and smiled. He wrapped his arms around her and they stood there in the hallway, together, in each other's arms.