While the adults are away
By Todd Fan
Disclaimer: "You won't always have Jumbo around to protect you, and when that day comes, I suggest you watch your back. 'Cause I'll be chewing on it".
****
Hazah to my reviewers, how i love thee all. Oh dear, the madness (and Bobby torture) gets worse.
Millenium Mutant - Sure feel free to use it, the more times Bobby is one fire the better, i always say. Tee hee.
Asteria - I forgot to mention this in Teacher Training because my brain died. Nope, Forge's fear of rabbits is not Cannon, my own evil twisted mind made it up (just like Wanda and her Turkeys, man, i gotta put those two in a petting zoo sometime, whaohahahaha). Warren's love of porn was also spawned from my mind, partly due to watching one two many Friends episodes (that show has given me more evil ideas than i'd like to count). As for Forge's arm, i have no clue, mmmm i must brood on that one...
***
Chapter 2 - Y. A . M . S
****
By the time Piotr had got to the door of the study, Remy was already standing by it, his ear pressed against the door.
"I hear manical laughter", said Remy, then jumped away from the door, "hot, hot hot!!!".
"Oh dear God, he's BURNING stuff!!!", said Scott, running over, "oh man, the Professor is goning to KILL.....you...oh well".
"Shut up, Stick-Butt", said Remy, then looked at Piotr, "we'd better break in before he burns de entire room".
Piotr sighed, tranforming into his metal form and giving the door a gentle shove. The door fell off it's hinges and into the room, revealing John, who had made a fire-Xavier from the open fireplace in the study. The fire- Xavier was sitting in Xavier's favorite armchair. Pyro smiled at his teammates slowly.
"Hello", he said, his features flickering with the light of the flame, "i'm having fun...want to join me?".
"OH NO, THE PROFESSOR'S CHAIR!!!".
It was then that Scott had chosen to muscle his way into the room. In a rather foolish attmept to stop the carnage, he tackled Pyro to the ground. This, of course, made Pyro loose control of his fire-Professor and it promtly began to burn the chair into nothingness.....and then it began to spread.
"Mon deiu!", said Remy, "Gambit want a pay-rise after dis!".
Thinking about the fire safety class Magneto had forced all his Acolytes to take (ironically the very day Pyro joined the team), Remy grabbed a rug from the floor and used it to smother the flames out....it didn't work. The rug went up in flames, causing Remy to squeal and drop it on the ground. He then proceeded to jump up and down on the once-a-rug until the flames were out.
"For de love of all things holy, HELP!", squealed Gambit, only to get drenched by a jet of water.
He picked himself up off the floor to see Rogue tackling the fire with a hosepipe.
"Whatever made the Professor think we were safe with YOU people is beyond me", she said moodily, turning off the hose as soon as the fire was out, "we'd be safer with a Sentinel".
"Awwwww", said Pyro sadly, "all my fire is out".
"No more fire for you", said Piotr, picking Pyro up easily and slinging him over his shoulder, "is there anywhere i can be putting him where he won't find fire?".
Rogue pondered this for a long while.
"A'h know just the place".
****
Bobby had finally tended to his wounds and he did feel a little better. One of the advantages to being able to freeze yourself meant that burn wounds were quickly relived. He had gone for a walk outside when he saw the cause of all of his distress floating in a metal bucket in the middle of the pool. On closer inspection, it seemed Pyro was chained to the inside of the bucket, making escape seem impossible. Bobby grinned, preparing to encase Pyro in a block of ice when a football clonked him on the back of the head.
"HEY!".
He spun around to see five Jamies, each one looked panicked, before four of the Jamie's pointed at the fifth.
"He did it", they said in unison.
"Traitors", muttered Jamie, absorbing his multiples back into himself, "errr..sorry Bobby, ball got away from me and...oh my God, you have a bald patch!!".
Bobby blinked.
"What?!!!", he said, panicked, "where, where?!!!".
He started to manically smoothe his hands through his precious hair....until he found IT. He gave a small whimper, slumping to the ground.
"Oh no", he said, "no no no no no".
Jamie giggled at this, he had tried to keep himself from laughing, he really had, but he was 12, and 12 years olds found the suffering of others absolutely hilarious.
"It's not funny, Jamie", said Bobby flatly.
"Yeah it is", said Jamie inbetween giggles, "you'll need a toupe!!!".
That did it. Within seconds, Jamie found himself frozen to the basketball hoop's pole. Bobby gave him a deadly glare before stalking off.
"Hey, let me out!!", scealed Jamie, trying to struggle against the ice, "i'm telling!!!".
Pyro had been watching this from his tin bucket.
"You know, if i had some fire...i could get you out", he said.
"No!", said Jamie, "Mr Gambit made us promise not to give you any open flames!".
Pyro sighed sadly, putting on a perfect inocent face.
"But i wouldn't burn anyone", he said softly, "i'm just a poor, misunderstood teenager. The last time was an accident. If One Eye hadn't tackled me, i would have been able to put it out".
Jamie pondered on this.
"Well....i guess it really wasn't your fault", he said, "people always blame me for stuff too, just 'cause i'm the youngest".
"I'm the youngest too!", said Pyro, "of the Acolytes anyway. They only ever pick on us youngest members because we're the easiest to pick on".
"Yeah", said Jamie, "you know what, we should start a club!".
"That's a GREAT idea!", said Pyro excitedly, "if only we could get free.....".
****
Kurt smiled happily as he danced through a field of dasies. It was a beautifull summers day and a rainbow danced across the sky as the sun shone brightly. There were butterflies all around, and the flowers of the field smelled heavenly sweet. Everything got oh so much more better when Amanda appeared, dressed in a beautifull bridal dress. She skipped through the flowers up to Kurt and gave him a kiss, then smiled at him.
"I love you, Amanda", said Kurt.
"BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ", said Amanda.
"Huh?",said Kurt, as the buzzing sound continuted, making him jar awake out of his doze.
He opened his eyes to see a electric razor within inches of his face.
"AGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!".
Kurt fell off his bed, backpedaling to the wall. He glanced up to see Bobby holding the razor in question.
"Vas....vhy?!!!", squeaked Kurt, wide-eyed, "vhy the razor by me...VHY?!!".
"Chill out Kurt", said Bobby, "i only want a little bit of hair. You wont even notice it's gone".
He moved towards the blue elf again, but Kurt, now fully awake, was too fast for him, and climbed up the wall, where he watched Bobby from the ceiling.
"Yes i vill!", he said, "vhy do you vant MY fur?. Didn't ve already agree that no one vould buy a blue fur coat?".
"I don't want it for a coat!", said Bobby, lowering his voice, "i need it to...patch up a problem".
"Oh, you mean that biiiiiiig bald patch on the top of your head?", said Kurt, chuckling from where he looked down at Bobby.
"Hey, quit it!!", said Bobby, covering the ptch with his hands, "so...think you could lend some fur?".
Kurt pondered this.
"Bobby.....your hair is brown"., he said, "my hair is blue, vell, indigo, really, but ze point is..i think people vill notice if you have a blue patch. In fact, eets probably MORE noticable than the bald patch".
"So?", said Bobby, "i'll dye it brown..or..or i'll say it's blue highlights, a new fashion trend. Oh come on, be a pal".
Kurt thought some more.
"Nein".
Bobby gave a frustrated growl.
"I thought you were the nice one!", he said, come on, plllleeeaaase?".
"Nien", said Kurt again, "vhat do i do vith MY missing fur, mmmm?".
"I thought about that", said Bobby, "i'll take it from places no one will think to look".
Kurt's eyes almost popped out of his head.
"No! Not there!", said Bobby, starting up the razor, "look, i'm taking that hair, and there's no way you can stop me".
*BAMF*
"......Except like that".
Bobby gave a frustrated growl, tossing the still working razor out of Kurt's window, listening to it as it hit the ground outside, and blinked as smoke started to rise from it.
"Hey, fire!", came Pyro's happy voice from below.
****
Sam had been carrying out the sacred duty of feeding Ororo's plants. A commitment that Storm had placed on him and him alone. It kinda made him feel special, important, yeah, he was Sam, the guy who was looking ater Ororo's pride and joy. It was as if he had been asked to babysit.
*BAMF*
"Arrghhhhhhhhh!!!".
Sam fell backwards, narrowly avoiding toppling into the most important plant of all. He gave it a worried glance before letting out a sigh of relief.
"Sorry Sam", said Kurt, waving away the cloud of brimstone he had left, "Bobby...he's gone nuts. Vith the razor, and the toupe...eets all very very messy".
"Err...okay", said Sam, blinking, "a'h don't think a'h want to know this story somehow".
"Vatering the plants, huh?", said Kurt, reaching out to poke a plant, only to have Sam swat his hand away.
"Yeah, and if anythin' happens to them, Storm'll have ma'h hide", he said, "especially THAT one".
He pointed to a large very odd looking plant amongst all the others. Kurt blinked at it a few times before recognition dawned on his face.
"It's Audrey II!!!", he squealed, diving behind a plant pot, "VE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!".
Sam cocked his head to the side in confusion.
"Kurt...it's just a plant".
"Nein!!", said Kurt, "that eets the plant that EATS people! Ve have to destroy eet before it takes any lives!".
Sam pondered on this for a minute. He promptly grabbed Kurt by his tail and dragged him out of the attic, pushing him through the door and slaming the door behind him.
"Oh no!", shouted Kurt at the closed door, "the plant has already begun to manipulate you into doing eets bidding. You'll be looking for victims for eet in no time!!!".
*BAMF*
Kurt 'ported out of there as quick as he could. He needed to make his room secure, he needed to be safe from the plant invasion. No plants were gonna eat him, no way, no how.
****
"You want me to join what-now?".
Kitty blinked at Jamie and Pyro as they stood proudly in her room. They had escaped when the razor had burst into flame, allowing Pyro to melt Jamie free and Jamie to create a bridge of multiples to pull Pyro to safety. One melted chain later and they were free. They had spent a few hours planning together, and had come up with the best idea. Ever.
"YAMS", said Jamie proudly, pointing to a bage on his chest with 'Y. A. M. S' written on it in felt marker.
Kitty blinked.
"You want me to join a club to do with sweet potatos?", she asked.
"No", said Pyro, rolling his eyes, "it stands for 'Youngest Abused Members Society'. It's for those of use who are sick with being abused as the youngest members of our respective teams. A group where we can DO something about it!".
"And as the youngest member of the main X-Men team, we would like to offer you an invitation to this very exculsive club", added Jamie.
Kitty blinked again, raising an eyebrow as Pyro and Jamie grinned at her.
"I....think i'll pass".
Both boys' faces fell.
"Oh but we haven't told you about the benifits yet!", said Pyro, "as a privileged member of YAMS, you will get a license to humiliate any older member and they can't do ANYTHING about it. We'll make it legal, go to court and everything!".
"You. Are. Insane", said Kitty pointedly, "now get out of my way, i'm looking for my little blue top. Jean borrowed it...or was it Amara?. I don't know, but i want it back!".
"Fine, the invitation is open for two more days, then it expires", said Jamie.
"Think about it", said Pyro, winking
With that, both left Kitty to her fruitless top-search.
*****
Another chapter done. I warned you it was going to get more insane. And, wow, it DID!. In case you haven't read my parody 'Little Shop of Mutants' then you wont get the in-joke. Kurt played Seymour in it, yup....that doesn't sound like a plug..does it?...neh.Please do review, until next time...
By Todd Fan
Disclaimer: "You won't always have Jumbo around to protect you, and when that day comes, I suggest you watch your back. 'Cause I'll be chewing on it".
****
Hazah to my reviewers, how i love thee all. Oh dear, the madness (and Bobby torture) gets worse.
Millenium Mutant - Sure feel free to use it, the more times Bobby is one fire the better, i always say. Tee hee.
Asteria - I forgot to mention this in Teacher Training because my brain died. Nope, Forge's fear of rabbits is not Cannon, my own evil twisted mind made it up (just like Wanda and her Turkeys, man, i gotta put those two in a petting zoo sometime, whaohahahaha). Warren's love of porn was also spawned from my mind, partly due to watching one two many Friends episodes (that show has given me more evil ideas than i'd like to count). As for Forge's arm, i have no clue, mmmm i must brood on that one...
***
Chapter 2 - Y. A . M . S
****
By the time Piotr had got to the door of the study, Remy was already standing by it, his ear pressed against the door.
"I hear manical laughter", said Remy, then jumped away from the door, "hot, hot hot!!!".
"Oh dear God, he's BURNING stuff!!!", said Scott, running over, "oh man, the Professor is goning to KILL.....you...oh well".
"Shut up, Stick-Butt", said Remy, then looked at Piotr, "we'd better break in before he burns de entire room".
Piotr sighed, tranforming into his metal form and giving the door a gentle shove. The door fell off it's hinges and into the room, revealing John, who had made a fire-Xavier from the open fireplace in the study. The fire- Xavier was sitting in Xavier's favorite armchair. Pyro smiled at his teammates slowly.
"Hello", he said, his features flickering with the light of the flame, "i'm having fun...want to join me?".
"OH NO, THE PROFESSOR'S CHAIR!!!".
It was then that Scott had chosen to muscle his way into the room. In a rather foolish attmept to stop the carnage, he tackled Pyro to the ground. This, of course, made Pyro loose control of his fire-Professor and it promtly began to burn the chair into nothingness.....and then it began to spread.
"Mon deiu!", said Remy, "Gambit want a pay-rise after dis!".
Thinking about the fire safety class Magneto had forced all his Acolytes to take (ironically the very day Pyro joined the team), Remy grabbed a rug from the floor and used it to smother the flames out....it didn't work. The rug went up in flames, causing Remy to squeal and drop it on the ground. He then proceeded to jump up and down on the once-a-rug until the flames were out.
"For de love of all things holy, HELP!", squealed Gambit, only to get drenched by a jet of water.
He picked himself up off the floor to see Rogue tackling the fire with a hosepipe.
"Whatever made the Professor think we were safe with YOU people is beyond me", she said moodily, turning off the hose as soon as the fire was out, "we'd be safer with a Sentinel".
"Awwwww", said Pyro sadly, "all my fire is out".
"No more fire for you", said Piotr, picking Pyro up easily and slinging him over his shoulder, "is there anywhere i can be putting him where he won't find fire?".
Rogue pondered this for a long while.
"A'h know just the place".
****
Bobby had finally tended to his wounds and he did feel a little better. One of the advantages to being able to freeze yourself meant that burn wounds were quickly relived. He had gone for a walk outside when he saw the cause of all of his distress floating in a metal bucket in the middle of the pool. On closer inspection, it seemed Pyro was chained to the inside of the bucket, making escape seem impossible. Bobby grinned, preparing to encase Pyro in a block of ice when a football clonked him on the back of the head.
"HEY!".
He spun around to see five Jamies, each one looked panicked, before four of the Jamie's pointed at the fifth.
"He did it", they said in unison.
"Traitors", muttered Jamie, absorbing his multiples back into himself, "errr..sorry Bobby, ball got away from me and...oh my God, you have a bald patch!!".
Bobby blinked.
"What?!!!", he said, panicked, "where, where?!!!".
He started to manically smoothe his hands through his precious hair....until he found IT. He gave a small whimper, slumping to the ground.
"Oh no", he said, "no no no no no".
Jamie giggled at this, he had tried to keep himself from laughing, he really had, but he was 12, and 12 years olds found the suffering of others absolutely hilarious.
"It's not funny, Jamie", said Bobby flatly.
"Yeah it is", said Jamie inbetween giggles, "you'll need a toupe!!!".
That did it. Within seconds, Jamie found himself frozen to the basketball hoop's pole. Bobby gave him a deadly glare before stalking off.
"Hey, let me out!!", scealed Jamie, trying to struggle against the ice, "i'm telling!!!".
Pyro had been watching this from his tin bucket.
"You know, if i had some fire...i could get you out", he said.
"No!", said Jamie, "Mr Gambit made us promise not to give you any open flames!".
Pyro sighed sadly, putting on a perfect inocent face.
"But i wouldn't burn anyone", he said softly, "i'm just a poor, misunderstood teenager. The last time was an accident. If One Eye hadn't tackled me, i would have been able to put it out".
Jamie pondered on this.
"Well....i guess it really wasn't your fault", he said, "people always blame me for stuff too, just 'cause i'm the youngest".
"I'm the youngest too!", said Pyro, "of the Acolytes anyway. They only ever pick on us youngest members because we're the easiest to pick on".
"Yeah", said Jamie, "you know what, we should start a club!".
"That's a GREAT idea!", said Pyro excitedly, "if only we could get free.....".
****
Kurt smiled happily as he danced through a field of dasies. It was a beautifull summers day and a rainbow danced across the sky as the sun shone brightly. There were butterflies all around, and the flowers of the field smelled heavenly sweet. Everything got oh so much more better when Amanda appeared, dressed in a beautifull bridal dress. She skipped through the flowers up to Kurt and gave him a kiss, then smiled at him.
"I love you, Amanda", said Kurt.
"BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ", said Amanda.
"Huh?",said Kurt, as the buzzing sound continuted, making him jar awake out of his doze.
He opened his eyes to see a electric razor within inches of his face.
"AGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!".
Kurt fell off his bed, backpedaling to the wall. He glanced up to see Bobby holding the razor in question.
"Vas....vhy?!!!", squeaked Kurt, wide-eyed, "vhy the razor by me...VHY?!!".
"Chill out Kurt", said Bobby, "i only want a little bit of hair. You wont even notice it's gone".
He moved towards the blue elf again, but Kurt, now fully awake, was too fast for him, and climbed up the wall, where he watched Bobby from the ceiling.
"Yes i vill!", he said, "vhy do you vant MY fur?. Didn't ve already agree that no one vould buy a blue fur coat?".
"I don't want it for a coat!", said Bobby, lowering his voice, "i need it to...patch up a problem".
"Oh, you mean that biiiiiiig bald patch on the top of your head?", said Kurt, chuckling from where he looked down at Bobby.
"Hey, quit it!!", said Bobby, covering the ptch with his hands, "so...think you could lend some fur?".
Kurt pondered this.
"Bobby.....your hair is brown"., he said, "my hair is blue, vell, indigo, really, but ze point is..i think people vill notice if you have a blue patch. In fact, eets probably MORE noticable than the bald patch".
"So?", said Bobby, "i'll dye it brown..or..or i'll say it's blue highlights, a new fashion trend. Oh come on, be a pal".
Kurt thought some more.
"Nein".
Bobby gave a frustrated growl.
"I thought you were the nice one!", he said, come on, plllleeeaaase?".
"Nien", said Kurt again, "vhat do i do vith MY missing fur, mmmm?".
"I thought about that", said Bobby, "i'll take it from places no one will think to look".
Kurt's eyes almost popped out of his head.
"No! Not there!", said Bobby, starting up the razor, "look, i'm taking that hair, and there's no way you can stop me".
*BAMF*
"......Except like that".
Bobby gave a frustrated growl, tossing the still working razor out of Kurt's window, listening to it as it hit the ground outside, and blinked as smoke started to rise from it.
"Hey, fire!", came Pyro's happy voice from below.
****
Sam had been carrying out the sacred duty of feeding Ororo's plants. A commitment that Storm had placed on him and him alone. It kinda made him feel special, important, yeah, he was Sam, the guy who was looking ater Ororo's pride and joy. It was as if he had been asked to babysit.
*BAMF*
"Arrghhhhhhhhh!!!".
Sam fell backwards, narrowly avoiding toppling into the most important plant of all. He gave it a worried glance before letting out a sigh of relief.
"Sorry Sam", said Kurt, waving away the cloud of brimstone he had left, "Bobby...he's gone nuts. Vith the razor, and the toupe...eets all very very messy".
"Err...okay", said Sam, blinking, "a'h don't think a'h want to know this story somehow".
"Vatering the plants, huh?", said Kurt, reaching out to poke a plant, only to have Sam swat his hand away.
"Yeah, and if anythin' happens to them, Storm'll have ma'h hide", he said, "especially THAT one".
He pointed to a large very odd looking plant amongst all the others. Kurt blinked at it a few times before recognition dawned on his face.
"It's Audrey II!!!", he squealed, diving behind a plant pot, "VE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!".
Sam cocked his head to the side in confusion.
"Kurt...it's just a plant".
"Nein!!", said Kurt, "that eets the plant that EATS people! Ve have to destroy eet before it takes any lives!".
Sam pondered on this for a minute. He promptly grabbed Kurt by his tail and dragged him out of the attic, pushing him through the door and slaming the door behind him.
"Oh no!", shouted Kurt at the closed door, "the plant has already begun to manipulate you into doing eets bidding. You'll be looking for victims for eet in no time!!!".
*BAMF*
Kurt 'ported out of there as quick as he could. He needed to make his room secure, he needed to be safe from the plant invasion. No plants were gonna eat him, no way, no how.
****
"You want me to join what-now?".
Kitty blinked at Jamie and Pyro as they stood proudly in her room. They had escaped when the razor had burst into flame, allowing Pyro to melt Jamie free and Jamie to create a bridge of multiples to pull Pyro to safety. One melted chain later and they were free. They had spent a few hours planning together, and had come up with the best idea. Ever.
"YAMS", said Jamie proudly, pointing to a bage on his chest with 'Y. A. M. S' written on it in felt marker.
Kitty blinked.
"You want me to join a club to do with sweet potatos?", she asked.
"No", said Pyro, rolling his eyes, "it stands for 'Youngest Abused Members Society'. It's for those of use who are sick with being abused as the youngest members of our respective teams. A group where we can DO something about it!".
"And as the youngest member of the main X-Men team, we would like to offer you an invitation to this very exculsive club", added Jamie.
Kitty blinked again, raising an eyebrow as Pyro and Jamie grinned at her.
"I....think i'll pass".
Both boys' faces fell.
"Oh but we haven't told you about the benifits yet!", said Pyro, "as a privileged member of YAMS, you will get a license to humiliate any older member and they can't do ANYTHING about it. We'll make it legal, go to court and everything!".
"You. Are. Insane", said Kitty pointedly, "now get out of my way, i'm looking for my little blue top. Jean borrowed it...or was it Amara?. I don't know, but i want it back!".
"Fine, the invitation is open for two more days, then it expires", said Jamie.
"Think about it", said Pyro, winking
With that, both left Kitty to her fruitless top-search.
*****
Another chapter done. I warned you it was going to get more insane. And, wow, it DID!. In case you haven't read my parody 'Little Shop of Mutants' then you wont get the in-joke. Kurt played Seymour in it, yup....that doesn't sound like a plug..does it?...neh.Please do review, until next time...