Disclaimer: . My half birthday is coming up really soon, so don't yea think
giving my rights to Yu Yu Hakusho would be a stellar half-birthday
present???? Huh?! Huh?!
Gr! I could never find out Maya's mothers name, I guess it was never mentioned in the manga! So I am just going to call her 'Hisae'. Nor, could I find out Maya's mothers boyfriends name, but I don't know if they were married or not. Ah well, this is alternate universe, so if Maya's mom is not married to that guy yet, who turned out to be a monster, and they had Maya on accident but never got married, but they are living tougher. Oh, by the way, I don't know his name either; it was never mentioned in the translated manga scans I have been reading, so his name is 'Koan'
Note # 2: You don't know how long I have been staring at the last part of this chapter while I was writing this. I was debating weather to go into it, or gloss over it, giving the reader an idea. Lets just say, I did not enjoy writing it all that much.
Chapter 16 Tears Reflection
"I guess I am going to start out saying that my life was not very pretty nor glorified like a movie stars." Maya written down on a piece of white paper that had lines that were in blue in a black ballpoint pen, "It was not like that in the least." Maya looked out to the clouds that were underneath the building for a few moments, and went back to writing, "As soon as I was brought out of school, I was transferred into a new one where my mother drove me day after day in till we were completely moved out of our home."
"Just leave your boxes in your room for now and come down stairs for lunch, Maya, you have been copped up in there all day." Hisae said from the open door into Maya's room, her shoulder length black hair up in an bun at the back of her head.
"Okay." Maya answered cheerfully and left the cardboard boxes behind in her room and then walked down the green-carpeted hallway into the kitchen.
"How far are you in your un-packing?" Koan asked when Maya entered the white walled, and white tilled kitchen that had red cupboards, white counters and sheer peach colored curtains that were dancing in the breeze from the open window they hung over on the south wall.
"Not very far," Maya started, "I have many boxes to unpack. But I doubt if I can fully un-pack in one day."
Maya put down the pen on the writing tablet and looked up at the large tiled ceiling that was over her head, trying to remember as much as she could, but it seemed that she only remembered the bad things that happened to her in great detail, "It seems," she wrote down, "that I can remember the bad things that have happened to me clearer then all of the good things. I guess the human mind is just like that. But for a few weeks, things were all right, as if Koan was sizing my mother and I up, finding out our emotions that we experience and how to play on them, as if we were just a game.
Then as things were starting to go into a comfortable routine, it started to change. Koan started to stay at work longer, his moods started to change like the weather. After a while, he started to verbally abuse my mother, lightly at first, calling her a 'stupid women', and then gradually calling her other things, like 'whore' and 'bitch'.
At night her broken up sobbing woke me up, and I lied awake, listening to it, and then I gradually drifted back to sleep into troubled dreams that usually woke me up gasping for air.
Mother was a mess, you could say. She apologized to me a lot, about the state she was in, and the mess she got me in. Her eyes had dark circles underneath them, and she was letting her black hair grow and was not paying attention to it. Her hair was brushed, but not very well. She started to drop weight at an alarming rate. I recall seeing her on the scale, and she noticed me.
"Oh, Maya," Hisae said, turning her head around to look at Maya, "I am slimmer then I was in high school, what a surprise."
Maya's face grew grim, "Why aren't you eating? I rarely see you eating. What is wrong?"
"Oh, it is nothing, don't worry about me."
The weeks after my mom lied awake at night crying did not last long; she gradually toughened up against Koan, fighting back. I knew she wanted to move out, but she did not know where to go. Mother did not know what I knew was going on she thought I was oblivious.
After a while, I started to drift slowly and painfully into depression. I started to dig my own grave, and I was conscious of it, but I did not care. Koan started to abuse me with out even aiming the statements he was making too me. He started to insult things that I liked, like mythology and things that are related to that. I started to change, too, I became colder, rigid, and more withdrawn, I actually started to welcome depression fully into my mind setting, letting it control my moods.
That was when my school performance started to drop. I normally, as you know, earned A's and rarely B's on my worst subjects, but I stopped caring.
"What did you get on your test Maya-Chan?" The short brown haired girl asked Maya when she received her history test back.
"A C." Maya replied as she was talking about the weather.
"You are joking, right?" The girl asked, stunned.
"No." Maya answered put the test in her binder and then took out a novel and started to read.
Later, a shadow was cast over Maya's desk. Maya looked up from her book to see a male office administrator with blond hair that was obviously dyed, "Please, follow me." He stated and started walking away.
Maya quickly marked her book page with a purple and silver bookmark. She followed the man in silence, not inquiring where he was taking her, because a little voice in the back of her mind told her that he was taking her to the guidance councilor.
The blond haired man closed the door behind Maya once she entered the guidance councilors office.
"Please, have a seat." The middle-aged women that looked like she was from the Western countries.
Maya quickly
~§~
"What is wrong, honey?" Hisae asked from Maya's door and looked at where Maya was sitting, which was on the ledge of her open window, her feet hanging out.
Maya sat in silence, watching a small bird hop around on the ground around the bases of the large trees that surrounded the house. She finally answered, "Nothing."
"Well, your guidance councilor called from school, she said your work ethic is decreasing, and your grades are plunging."
Maya did not reply, she just watched the bird hop around on the ground, searching for food.
"Maya, are you listening to me? You are not acting like yourself!"
So, from then, I stopped caring about every thing. If things were going to slip away from me, or get harmed, I did not really care. I started to inflict pain upon my self, like not letting my self be happy, because I believed that I did not deserve happiness. I started to sleep a lot on the weekends, and indulging my self in dark poetry and books.
Koan started to have temper tantrums, and using my mother in more ways then one. He used her bank account, her name to sign on credit card purchases, and many other things. The month after he started to do those things, I started to make my hurt physically; I started to believe in 'I only believe in pain because that is the only thing that is real'.
No one remarked on the scars on my arm, where I dug my nails into my skin, or the scars on the underside of my arm, where I scratched my self at night when Mother was crying. I saw my mom glance at my arms sometimes, but she never said any thing, because her look said it all. But I never listened to the un-spoken words; I had already built a wall around my self that was impenetrable.
~§~
"Where is brother?" Shuuichi asked as Shiori and Hatakana walked in the room. It was two weeks later after Mothers Day, and Kurama did not come to visit Shuuichi not once in that period of time.
"He did not come. He is at the library with some of his friends." Hatakana answered.
Shuuichi looked sad, "Okay. Have the doctors stated on how much more time I have to live? Please, tell me."
"The doctor never stated. But, we would like to spend some time with you, out side of the hospital. How do you like the idea of going out to a park, or to a zoo?" Shiori asked.
Shuuichi smiled weakly.
"I guess you would like that? A day out of here?" Hatakana asked.
"Yes."
"Good, we have already talked with the doctors, and they will release you for a day, so we can do any thing that you would like." Shiori said happily, with her eyes gleaming.
~§~
"What is wrong, Kurama?" Yusuke asked in a hushed tone, since they were inside of the city library.
"Oh, nothing."
"Its not nothing, I can tell by your face." Kuwabara stated.
"Am I that shallow?" Kurama laughed softly, "I am just thinking."
"Oh."
"I am supposed to be helping you two study I believe?"
"Why are you not at the hospital with your parents who are seeing your brother?" Yusuke asked.
Kurama's eyebrows arched, "I don't feel comfortable going there."
". Oh."
~§~
Maya looked up from the note pad, where she had already filled many pages with black script, "I wonder why mother never inquired face to face with me." She mumbled, and set her pen back down on the notepad and continued writing.
"Mother still did not inquire when she saw long, thin, dark scars on my wrists," Maya began to write, "but I was not surprised. She was starting to make her self live in a lie, that Koan loved her, and every thing was alright, but in reality, he was just using her, like she was a plastic doll in which for him to control, and nothing was alright, every thing that could go wrong, was going wrong.
The day, I started to cut my wrists, is one that will stain my memory forever. It was a normal seeming weekend, I was alone, no friends around, not like I had any friends, and mother went out to the store, so I was alone with Koan.
I was going up-stairs to use the other bathroom, since the other one my mother was in the process of cleaning. The bathroom was right by my mothers and Koan's room, so when I was going by their room, I looked in to see my father lying in bed with a magazine. He noticed me, so I came in to their room. (A/N: Forewarning: you can skip this part, you most likely already have an idea of what is going to happen.)
Koan lied there for a couple of moments, staring at Maya, then he quickly got out of bed, seized Maya by the shoulders, and threw her on to the bed.
"What?! What are you doing?!" Maya screeched, trying to kick the advancing Koan, but did not succeed.
"Shut up and stay quiet!" He yelled at the top of his lungs, bending over the bed, slipping Maya's white t-shirt over her head, reveling her white bra.
"Get off! Stop!!!!" Maya choked out, knowing in great detail what was going to happen as her button on her pants was undone.
Koan did not answer and continued to take off Maya's every article of clothing fluently.
"Why. Why are you doing this to me?!" Maya whispered through broken sobbing.
"Because I can." Maya then closed her eyes tightly as she heard him unzip his pants and tried to wiggle out of Koan's strong grip on her body.
Out side of the house, birds sang on, a river flowed undisturbed, and squirrels leaped from tree to tree. Only Maya's cries could be heard a few feet out from the house,
"No!!!!" Maya's voice carried sharply outside of the house, the birds all flew away, and squirrels scampered up trees to higher branches.
~~§§~~
Phew! I finished this chapter!! Soon, eh? As I stated in the beginning, I did not enjoy writing this last half at all.
Gr! I could never find out Maya's mothers name, I guess it was never mentioned in the manga! So I am just going to call her 'Hisae'. Nor, could I find out Maya's mothers boyfriends name, but I don't know if they were married or not. Ah well, this is alternate universe, so if Maya's mom is not married to that guy yet, who turned out to be a monster, and they had Maya on accident but never got married, but they are living tougher. Oh, by the way, I don't know his name either; it was never mentioned in the translated manga scans I have been reading, so his name is 'Koan'
Note # 2: You don't know how long I have been staring at the last part of this chapter while I was writing this. I was debating weather to go into it, or gloss over it, giving the reader an idea. Lets just say, I did not enjoy writing it all that much.
Chapter 16 Tears Reflection
"I guess I am going to start out saying that my life was not very pretty nor glorified like a movie stars." Maya written down on a piece of white paper that had lines that were in blue in a black ballpoint pen, "It was not like that in the least." Maya looked out to the clouds that were underneath the building for a few moments, and went back to writing, "As soon as I was brought out of school, I was transferred into a new one where my mother drove me day after day in till we were completely moved out of our home."
"Just leave your boxes in your room for now and come down stairs for lunch, Maya, you have been copped up in there all day." Hisae said from the open door into Maya's room, her shoulder length black hair up in an bun at the back of her head.
"Okay." Maya answered cheerfully and left the cardboard boxes behind in her room and then walked down the green-carpeted hallway into the kitchen.
"How far are you in your un-packing?" Koan asked when Maya entered the white walled, and white tilled kitchen that had red cupboards, white counters and sheer peach colored curtains that were dancing in the breeze from the open window they hung over on the south wall.
"Not very far," Maya started, "I have many boxes to unpack. But I doubt if I can fully un-pack in one day."
Maya put down the pen on the writing tablet and looked up at the large tiled ceiling that was over her head, trying to remember as much as she could, but it seemed that she only remembered the bad things that happened to her in great detail, "It seems," she wrote down, "that I can remember the bad things that have happened to me clearer then all of the good things. I guess the human mind is just like that. But for a few weeks, things were all right, as if Koan was sizing my mother and I up, finding out our emotions that we experience and how to play on them, as if we were just a game.
Then as things were starting to go into a comfortable routine, it started to change. Koan started to stay at work longer, his moods started to change like the weather. After a while, he started to verbally abuse my mother, lightly at first, calling her a 'stupid women', and then gradually calling her other things, like 'whore' and 'bitch'.
At night her broken up sobbing woke me up, and I lied awake, listening to it, and then I gradually drifted back to sleep into troubled dreams that usually woke me up gasping for air.
Mother was a mess, you could say. She apologized to me a lot, about the state she was in, and the mess she got me in. Her eyes had dark circles underneath them, and she was letting her black hair grow and was not paying attention to it. Her hair was brushed, but not very well. She started to drop weight at an alarming rate. I recall seeing her on the scale, and she noticed me.
"Oh, Maya," Hisae said, turning her head around to look at Maya, "I am slimmer then I was in high school, what a surprise."
Maya's face grew grim, "Why aren't you eating? I rarely see you eating. What is wrong?"
"Oh, it is nothing, don't worry about me."
The weeks after my mom lied awake at night crying did not last long; she gradually toughened up against Koan, fighting back. I knew she wanted to move out, but she did not know where to go. Mother did not know what I knew was going on she thought I was oblivious.
After a while, I started to drift slowly and painfully into depression. I started to dig my own grave, and I was conscious of it, but I did not care. Koan started to abuse me with out even aiming the statements he was making too me. He started to insult things that I liked, like mythology and things that are related to that. I started to change, too, I became colder, rigid, and more withdrawn, I actually started to welcome depression fully into my mind setting, letting it control my moods.
That was when my school performance started to drop. I normally, as you know, earned A's and rarely B's on my worst subjects, but I stopped caring.
"What did you get on your test Maya-Chan?" The short brown haired girl asked Maya when she received her history test back.
"A C." Maya replied as she was talking about the weather.
"You are joking, right?" The girl asked, stunned.
"No." Maya answered put the test in her binder and then took out a novel and started to read.
Later, a shadow was cast over Maya's desk. Maya looked up from her book to see a male office administrator with blond hair that was obviously dyed, "Please, follow me." He stated and started walking away.
Maya quickly marked her book page with a purple and silver bookmark. She followed the man in silence, not inquiring where he was taking her, because a little voice in the back of her mind told her that he was taking her to the guidance councilor.
The blond haired man closed the door behind Maya once she entered the guidance councilors office.
"Please, have a seat." The middle-aged women that looked like she was from the Western countries.
Maya quickly
~§~
"What is wrong, honey?" Hisae asked from Maya's door and looked at where Maya was sitting, which was on the ledge of her open window, her feet hanging out.
Maya sat in silence, watching a small bird hop around on the ground around the bases of the large trees that surrounded the house. She finally answered, "Nothing."
"Well, your guidance councilor called from school, she said your work ethic is decreasing, and your grades are plunging."
Maya did not reply, she just watched the bird hop around on the ground, searching for food.
"Maya, are you listening to me? You are not acting like yourself!"
So, from then, I stopped caring about every thing. If things were going to slip away from me, or get harmed, I did not really care. I started to inflict pain upon my self, like not letting my self be happy, because I believed that I did not deserve happiness. I started to sleep a lot on the weekends, and indulging my self in dark poetry and books.
Koan started to have temper tantrums, and using my mother in more ways then one. He used her bank account, her name to sign on credit card purchases, and many other things. The month after he started to do those things, I started to make my hurt physically; I started to believe in 'I only believe in pain because that is the only thing that is real'.
No one remarked on the scars on my arm, where I dug my nails into my skin, or the scars on the underside of my arm, where I scratched my self at night when Mother was crying. I saw my mom glance at my arms sometimes, but she never said any thing, because her look said it all. But I never listened to the un-spoken words; I had already built a wall around my self that was impenetrable.
~§~
"Where is brother?" Shuuichi asked as Shiori and Hatakana walked in the room. It was two weeks later after Mothers Day, and Kurama did not come to visit Shuuichi not once in that period of time.
"He did not come. He is at the library with some of his friends." Hatakana answered.
Shuuichi looked sad, "Okay. Have the doctors stated on how much more time I have to live? Please, tell me."
"The doctor never stated. But, we would like to spend some time with you, out side of the hospital. How do you like the idea of going out to a park, or to a zoo?" Shiori asked.
Shuuichi smiled weakly.
"I guess you would like that? A day out of here?" Hatakana asked.
"Yes."
"Good, we have already talked with the doctors, and they will release you for a day, so we can do any thing that you would like." Shiori said happily, with her eyes gleaming.
~§~
"What is wrong, Kurama?" Yusuke asked in a hushed tone, since they were inside of the city library.
"Oh, nothing."
"Its not nothing, I can tell by your face." Kuwabara stated.
"Am I that shallow?" Kurama laughed softly, "I am just thinking."
"Oh."
"I am supposed to be helping you two study I believe?"
"Why are you not at the hospital with your parents who are seeing your brother?" Yusuke asked.
Kurama's eyebrows arched, "I don't feel comfortable going there."
". Oh."
~§~
Maya looked up from the note pad, where she had already filled many pages with black script, "I wonder why mother never inquired face to face with me." She mumbled, and set her pen back down on the notepad and continued writing.
"Mother still did not inquire when she saw long, thin, dark scars on my wrists," Maya began to write, "but I was not surprised. She was starting to make her self live in a lie, that Koan loved her, and every thing was alright, but in reality, he was just using her, like she was a plastic doll in which for him to control, and nothing was alright, every thing that could go wrong, was going wrong.
The day, I started to cut my wrists, is one that will stain my memory forever. It was a normal seeming weekend, I was alone, no friends around, not like I had any friends, and mother went out to the store, so I was alone with Koan.
I was going up-stairs to use the other bathroom, since the other one my mother was in the process of cleaning. The bathroom was right by my mothers and Koan's room, so when I was going by their room, I looked in to see my father lying in bed with a magazine. He noticed me, so I came in to their room. (A/N: Forewarning: you can skip this part, you most likely already have an idea of what is going to happen.)
Koan lied there for a couple of moments, staring at Maya, then he quickly got out of bed, seized Maya by the shoulders, and threw her on to the bed.
"What?! What are you doing?!" Maya screeched, trying to kick the advancing Koan, but did not succeed.
"Shut up and stay quiet!" He yelled at the top of his lungs, bending over the bed, slipping Maya's white t-shirt over her head, reveling her white bra.
"Get off! Stop!!!!" Maya choked out, knowing in great detail what was going to happen as her button on her pants was undone.
Koan did not answer and continued to take off Maya's every article of clothing fluently.
"Why. Why are you doing this to me?!" Maya whispered through broken sobbing.
"Because I can." Maya then closed her eyes tightly as she heard him unzip his pants and tried to wiggle out of Koan's strong grip on her body.
Out side of the house, birds sang on, a river flowed undisturbed, and squirrels leaped from tree to tree. Only Maya's cries could be heard a few feet out from the house,
"No!!!!" Maya's voice carried sharply outside of the house, the birds all flew away, and squirrels scampered up trees to higher branches.
~~§§~~
Phew! I finished this chapter!! Soon, eh? As I stated in the beginning, I did not enjoy writing this last half at all.