"Arwen!" Aragorn yelled, steeping through the door and dropping his pack.

"ARI!" Arwen squealed in delight.  "You're home!"  She ran to him and leapt into his arms.

"Sweet Eru, I missed you so much!"

"I missed you too baby," she said back softly.

            After about half an hour, Aragorn finally relinquished his tight grip on his beloved.  Confusion clouded his face.

"Arwen, honey, is you hair blonde?!"

Arwen reached up and touched her long hair.

"Oh that," she giggled nervously.  "That's, uh….that's just a consequence of um…me…uh my giving up of my immortality."

"But I'm mortal and my hair isn't blonde…."

Arwen began sobbing.

"Ok, it's true!  You've discovered my secret!  I'm really Legolas!"

Aragorn laughed so hard he fell of the table he had been sitting on.  He continued laughing hysterically for another five minutes or so.

"Oh yeah…sure…..hehe that was a good one sweetie," he managed to get out between giggles.

"I'm serious!  I'm Legolas Greenleaf of the woodland realm!"

"Arwen I told you, don't believe everything the voices say.  Sometimes they get it wrong, remember?"

"I'm not insane!  I'm really Legolas!" She paused.  "How else would I know about your fetish for ear wax?"

Aragorn screamed.

"Ah!  You really are Legolas!"  He began vomiting on the floor.  "Oh my god, I slept with my best MALE friend!"

"Don't worry Ari.  It's ok." 'Arwen' said, placing her hand on his back.

"Ah!  Don't touch me!" he yelled, jumping up and climbing Elrond's favourite bookcase in a desperate attempt to get as far away from 'her'.

Legolas began sobbing again.

"You hate me now, don't you?"

"Hell yeah!  You pretended to be my fiancée!"

"Actually, I am your fiancée."

"WHAT?!"

"There is no Arwen.  She never existed."

"Well then who the hell have I been in love with for the past 68 years?!"

"Me."

"Aw man, that's gross!"  Aragorn thought for a moment.  "Hang on, that's not possible.  Whatever happened to Elrond's daughter?"

"He doesn't have one."

"Yes he does!  And her name's Arwen and she's the most beautiful creature in all of Middle Earth and I love her more than anything in the world!"

Legolas looked at him.

"If she really was Elrond's daughter, how come you didn't meet her until you were 20?"

"Because she was living in Lothlorien."

Legolas looked at him with an air of incredulity.

"Do you REALLY believe that anyone could ACTUALLY spend 20 years in that place?"

"Good point."

An awkward silence followed.

"Ari, baby, I didn't mean to hurt you.  But it was just-you were so gorgeous, I couldn't resist.  And I knew someone like you would never go out with a lowly elf like me."

Aragorn laughed at this.

"Lowly elf? You?!"  You're the prince of Mirkwood for crying out loud!"

"And you're Isildur's heir!  Heir to the throne of Gondor AND Arnor!  How could I ever compete with that?!"  He took a moment to brush his hair back from his face.  "And so I invented Arwen, hoping that you would fall in love with 'her', and I would be able to get closer to you.  Elrond didn't care that I invented him a daughter; he thought it was kinda cute.  I was planning to reveal it to you earlier, but I- I didn't want you to react like this and-sweet Eru, I-" And with that, Legolas burst into tears.  Aragorn stared at him.  Suddenly he burst out laughing.  He laughed so hard hell fell off his perch on the bookshelf and, with a loud crash, fell through the floor!

"ARAGORN!" Legolas screamed, diving through the hole in the floor.

To be continued……..