Chapter 2: Richard Makes Some New Acquaintances
When Rachel and Monica arrived at Central Perk late on Saturday afternoon, Janice, Emily and Phoebe were already there, chatting animatedly, while Gunther leaned on the counter, watching them approvingly. All looked up and beamed at the new arrivals, although Monica thought she detected a trace of stiffness in Phoebe's smile.
"Here's all the girls together!" said Emily cheerfully. She lowered her voice to a conspiratorial tone. "So, have we anything to talk about that we want to keep secret from the men?"
"You've heard about Richard?" said Rachel equally cheerfully. "He's back, and trying to lure my lovely Mon away from me, but she won't go, not even for a baby." She hugged Monica, looking at her adoringly.
"You really ought to get on with it and get yourself pregnant," said Phoebe to Monica rather snappishly. "You've been dithering about it like for ever."
"Now, Pheebs, don't bully," said Janice firmly. "It's quite a decision for them to make."
"Well, we have decided, more or less," said Monica. "I don't like to admit it, but Richard's right about one thing, not that he's the first to say it. Neither Chandler nor Joey would be a good father in circumstances like ours."
"If Joey wanted to have children, it would be with Janice anyway," said Emily wickedly, digging Janice in the ribs. Janice gave a great belly laugh and pushed her back in a friendly way. Monica marvelled at how intimately friendly they had become.
Before the topic could be pursued any further, Joey, Chandler and Kathy arrived, closely followed by Ross. Everyone greeted everyone else enthusiastically. Ross seemed particularly happy to see Janice, Monica noticed, but also, to her surprise, Phoebe seemed very pleased to see him, brightening up noticeably at his friendly "Hey, Pheebs!" Uh oh, thought Monica to herself: has Phoebe got a crush on Ross? That's all we need.
Then Richard arrived, to be greeted enthusiastically by Chandler, Joey and Phoebe, more restrainedly by Ross, and rather guardedly by Monica and Rachel. He was introduced to Emily, Kathy and Janice in turn, and gave them all a sample of the old Richard charm. Emily simply smiled politely, but Kathy was clearly overwhelmed, while Janice beamed at him in open approval.
"Hey, Joey!" she said. "You should take some lessons from Dr. Richard Burke here. He's got what your mature woman appreciates – savoir faire." Then she did an old-style Janice laugh and winked at Richard. Not clear whether he was really being complimented or not, he smiled uneasily and said nothing.
"Yeah, that 'How you doin'?' bit is getting, like, old," said Phoebe a bit sharply. "You need some new lines."
It was Joey's turn to be disconcerted. He grunted, looking at Phoebe with a rather hurt expression.
"Aw, Joey, don't take it so hard!" she cried. "I'm only trying to help."
"So, Joey, how's the acting profession?" said Richard heartily, in the manner of a kindly uncle.
Joey produced some disjointed comments. Monica got the impression that he felt slightly patronised, and she felt that Richard's questions to others also had a patronising tone to them, as if they were still not fully grown up. But he conspicuously failed to ask Rachel anything, moving on to enquire about Janice's job. This was so transparent an attempt to belittle Rachel that Monica had to turn a giggle into a snort. Rachel looked at her enquiringly, and Monica grinned and jerked her head at Richard, trying to convey the message 'What can you do with the man?' Rachel grinned back, evidently not at all put out.
This by-play did not escape Janice's notice. "Yeah, commercial shoots can be fun," she said in response to a comment of Richard's, "but a lot of it is deadly dull. If we could only get accounts like Ralph Lauren. Any way you could swing that, Rachel?"
Rachel giggled. "I'm far too junior even to get into meetings about our advertising."
"Ah, but my mystic powers say that you will go far," said Phoebe playfully. She too seemed to have noticed Richard's deliberate refusal to ask Rachel about her work. "So remember your old friends when you become a top executive."
"Well, you can start reserving seats in my executive jet now, if you like." said Rachel, playing along, "and we can all go somewhere exciting. Talking of exciting places, whereabouts in Africa were you, Richard?"
Looking a bit embarrassed at the friendliness of her enquiry, and slightly disconcerted at the pointed way that her job had been brought to his notice, Richard explained that he had been working to save children's sight along the Nile, in Egypt and the Sudan. This attracted much outspoken approval from everyone, and the atmosphere became more cordial. Soon Richard was explaining to Emily how he had heard about her wedding.
"I'll bet you got a basinful," said Emily, grinning. "I like Judy, but she does go on a bit when anything to do with Ross comes up. It's a good thing she doesn't really understand anything about his work, or we'd be getting dinosaurs for breakfast, dinner and tea."
"They ruined many a man, the same dinosaurs," remarked Janice casually in an accent that sounded vaguely Irish, with a sly glance at Emily.
"Ah, go on owa that, will ya?" said Emily in a much more Irish voice. "Damn the harm dinysaurs done annybody, bar bein' taken to excess. Sure, a stegysaurus or two wit' yer breakfast never hurt a man."
It was not so much what she said as the way she said it. An air of having spent a lifetime holding forth in bars descended on her, and a spectral glass and cigarette seemed to materialise in her hands. Everyone except Richard burst out laughing. Janice laid her head on Emily's shoulder with a shriek of laughter, crying, "You get me every time," and Ross, after a deep guffaw at the notion of stegosaurus with breakfast, explained to a bemused Richard, "It's this crazy thing they do. Emily started it; she's a great mimic."
"I'll bet I know how your conversation with Judy went," said Emily, with a wicked look at Richard, and she proceeded to give an accomplished impersonation of Judy Geller holding forth about Ross, to whom she attributed an increasingly implausible variety of accomplishments, to growing laughter from her audience, before saying, "Monica? What do you want to know about her for? Oh yes, of course," her voice became arch, "she was your 'twinkie in the city', wasn't she? Well, I'm afraid you're in for a disappointment – she's married. Who to? Oh to Rachel, dear girl – she's doing quite well at Ralph Lauren. Yes, it was a lesbian wedding, but that's better than nothing at all, don't you agree?" She caught Judy Geller's half affectionate, half dismissive attitude to her daughter perfectly, and even Richard was laughing hard by the end.
"You shouldn't make us laugh so much, Emily," said Rachel happily. "It hurts."
"Sure, ishn't laughter the besht cure inna world, after whishky?" said Emily, contriving to sound even more drink-sodden than before.
"You said it," cried Janice, throwing her arms round her and giving her a hug. "But I know another good cure, and that's food. Poor Joey over there probably hasn't eaten for at least two hours, and if we don't get him to some food soon he'll start eating us."
Naturally, Joey was the first to start laughing at the obvious innuendo, while Janice increased the hilarity by putting on an air of innocent surprise, though she could not maintain it and broke down into helpless giggles.
"You're a wicked woman, Janice," said Emily, digging her in the ribs again, "but you're right about food. I'm starving."
After a quick discussion they settled on Italian food, called around for a reservation, and then set out. With no one obviously objecting, Richard included himself in the party. Finding himself next to Chandler, he said quietly, "Those two seem to have stolen your thunder."
Chandler stared at him, clearly not catching his meaning for a moment, then said, "Oh, you mean the jokes and stuff? I still make jokes, but … I don't feel the need so much. You'll notice, people laugh a lot more at Emily's stuff anyway. We're all a lot less on edge – happier, in fact."
"Well, you may be happier," said Richard, "and I guess Ross and Emily seem happy enough, and if I were married to Monica I'd be happy, so that covers Rachel, but what about Joey and Phoebe? And is Monica really happy?"
Chandler looked at him in surprise. "I've never seen her happier – never. She's so relaxed nowadays, it's hard to remember what she could be like." He moved closer to Richard, his face serious. "Look, Richard, I know it's hard to believe, but you have to accept it, as I have done. Monica and Rachel are deeply in love, and very happy together."
Richard's face screwed up, as if he had tasted something sour. "Out of the mouth of babes and sucklings … I never thought you'd be giving me advice about relationships. Okay, let's talk about something else. What's the deal with this Janice? How did she get mixed up with you all?"
"I used to date her," Chandler began, and as they walked to the restaurant he told Richard almost the whole story, omitting his bet with Joey but mentioning Joey's current crush on her.
"Sounds as if you might still have feelings for her," Richard commented at the end.
Chandler looked rather panicky all of a sudden. "Don't say that too loud. I … well, maybe I do, a bit. She's changed, too, very much for the better. But she's not interested in me any more, and perhaps that's just as well."
"She seems … very lively," said Richard noncommittally.
"She and Emily are like that when they're together," said Chandler, "but these days she's not so loud and brash as she used to be, when you get her on her own. And she has a good brain, and knows about lots of things – you just ask Ross. She can talk his kind of stuff, enough to hold her own with him anyway, and she has a good knowledge of art, and she has lots of other interests."
"Really?" said Richard, suddenly feeling more interested. He made a point of sitting next to Janice at the meal, and when he got the chance asked about her daughter, whom he had heard mentioned. This was always the best way to get Janice's attention, and they began a lively conversation, Richard calling on his memories of his daughter at Maggie's age. He found Janice definitely good company, and felt unwilling to admit to having grandchildren, afraid that it would make him seem really old to her.
Joey watched them jealously. As usual, he had missed a lot of the significance of the exchanges in Central Perk, but he had taken aboard the idea that Richard was still interested in Monica – and now here he was, apparently trying to attract Janice! A man with grandchildren ought not to chasing women young enough to be his daughter, Joey thought fiercely. Hey, that was an idea.
"How are your grandchildren, Richard?" he said suddenly, cutting into their conversation. "They must be about Maggie's age."
Richard looked slightly discomfited, and Janice was definitely surprised. "You have grandchildren?" she said to Richard. "You look too young for that." A sly look appeared on her face. "Was yours a teenage romance?" Reverting to something like old Janice-speak, she invested the words with such an aura of illicit love that several of those in earshot had to turn away or bite their lips to avoid showing their amusement. Emily made a choking noise and hastily grabbed a glass of water.
"Well, we were high school sweethearts, and I suppose we did marry and start having children rather young, by today's standards," said Richard rather stiffly. "So did Michelle, my daughter."
"Ah well, grandparents have it easy," said Janice cheerfully. "That is, if they can avoid getting blackmailed into taking care of the kids while the parents are off somewhere." She laughed. "I exploit my parents rather, but I have an excuse, with no husband to share the child minding. Does your daughter dump her kids on you at all?"
"Ah, no," said Richard, feeling more and more uncomfortable.
"A pleasure in store, maybe," Janice continued blithely. "Still, seeing her through pregnancy and the early days will have given you some appreciation of what we all hope Monica will be going through soon." She turned to beam at Monica. "Of course, she'll have great support from Rachel," she said to Richard in a lower voice. "I do think they're cute together, don't you?"
Emily had been going red in the face with the effort of suppressing giggles at Janice's very subtle ribbing of Richard, which seemed to have the serious aim of reminding him all the time that he belonged to an older generation. Now she could stand it no longer, and broke into open laughter, to the considerable surprise of Ross beside her.
"What's the joke, Emily?" asked Joey, who had not been following what was going on at all and welcomed anything to laugh at.
Emily waved a hand and drank deeply from her water glass, giving herself time to answer. "It was one of those train of thought things," she said. "I wound up with this song by the Dubliners, Maids, When You're Young, Never Wed an Old Man, and I was remembering the words, which are quite funny in places."
"You'll have to sing it for us some time," said Ross indulgently.
"I'd like you to sing it now," said Joey, eager to hear a song that would put Richard in his place.
"Joey, there are other people here," Emily pointed out. "I doubt they want to hear me sing."
"You guys should all lay off Richard," said Rachel rather sternly, leaning down from further up the table. "He's not old old, he's just older than us."
Emily pretended to look chastened, but caught Janice's eye; they both giggled a little. Richard was grateful for Rachel's intervention, even though it caused him considerable chagrin to be rescued by the woman who had supplanted him in Monica's affections. But it only served to underline the point that he was out of his element. It was one thing to be with Monica on her own, quite another to see her with a group of her friends. They all seemed so goddam young! Even Ross and Janice, who as parents had to take a more adult view of life, seemed to behave rather frivolously when in company with friends who had no such responsibilities. Feeling slightly depressed, he announced that he had a long day ahead tomorrow and would take off now, if he could settle up later.
"Drop by again," said Janice, smiling at him in a truly friendly way. "Say, why don't I give you my card?" She dug one out of her purse and handed it up. He thanked her, said goodbye to everyone, and walked off thinking quite deeply about his impressions of the group, not that he had met them again.
He had been trying to observe Monica and Rachel's behaviour towards each other, and though it hurt to admit it, it was perfectly clear that they did love each other. It was also clear that they and their female friends formed a pretty tight-knit group, very supportive and protective of each other, and so he would have run into fierce and concerted opposition if he had tried to detach Monica from Rachel, even if she had been interested. But she hadn't been. He sighed very deeply. That was that, then. It was finally over, as irrevocably as it could be, unless there was some drastic change in the situation. So now what was he going to do, with his basic reason for coming back to New York gone?
To distract himself from that disspiriting topic, he gave some thought to the new members of the group. Kathy was not very exciting on a first encounter, just another minor actress. She seemed to suit Chandler well enough, although he was not sure he could see that relationship lasting. But for different reasons he found both Emily and Janice interesting. He wondered if Emily's almost compulsive liveliness was concealing unhappiness, or at least discontent. It would take a special person, he felt, to find Ross an entirely satisfactory husband, and he was not sure that Emily was that person, but he had had less chance to assess her character than with Janice.
As for Janice, he found her attractive, lively, and able to converse maturely. She could not be more than a year or so older than the others, yet he found her more on his wavelength, more like a true adult, than any of them, for all her fooling around with Emily. He supposed she had had to mature quickly, having got divorced, without the support that Ross had had, and having to bring up a child on her own. But although she might be fundamentally more serious than the others, she still displayed signs of a larger than life personality that he might find wearing if exposed to it constantly, and she had not had the experience that he had of all that life could throw at you.
He realised that he was trying to argue himself out of asking Janice for a date. Yet she had seemed prepared to be interested in him, in spite of her subtle ribbing. Perhaps this had been gentle revenge for his concealing the existence his grandchildren, who were indeed very close in age to her Maggie – Barbara must have been born very close in time to her, while Henry was not much more than two years older.
He sighed again. Like the older women whom he had dated after Monica, Janice had been through a divorce and so her attitude to men was bound to be slightly prejudiced and distrustful. Monica had not been like that, despite her series of failed relationships. He groaned and cursed aloud as once again he recognised his folly in letting her slip through his fingers. Could anyone replace her, let alone Janice?