A Short Sharp Shock

The more Joey thought about what Phoebe had said to him, the more uneasy he became. If he had understood her right, she had said that among those with a crush on Janice was Emily, and that Janice probably had feelings for Emily also.  This worried him badly. Emily was Ross's wife, for God's sake! He did not think Ross could stand a second wife going lesbian on him – he would go completely nuts – especially when Rachel had also done so. Okay, so they weren't dating at the time – that was when his romance with Emily was in full swing – but he believed that Ross had never really gotten over Rachel. He had certainly taken it badly when the fact of her relationship with Monica had come out, and he had not seemed any too happy at their wedding.

Joey saw where his duty lay. If Phoebe was not going to warn Ross – and nothing she said had suggested it – then he had to. He might suggest that Ross and Emily stop inviting Janice round and that Ross tell Emily to stop seeing her so much. This would have the further good effect that any crush Ross might be developing on Janice would be nipped in the bud, and he would pay proper attention to his wife. The lack of this was probably what had gotten Emily interested in Janice in the first place. Because Janice was a great person now, no doubt about it, and he was sure that anyone would feel flattered to have as much of her attention as Emily got. And if Janice felt rejected, she need not suffer for long; he would be there to apply Joey love. Yes, everyone would end up better off.

The difficulty, he quickly saw, lay in getting Ross alone. He thought about it a good deal, and he was stumped. He needed to do this face to face, but Ross never came into Central Perk now unless Emily was with him or had already arrived.

One morning in Central Perk he was having a quick coffee before going to rehearsal and reached an impasse in his thinking for the umpteenth time. He groaned aloud and beat his brow, attracting the attention of Gunther, who was clearing away nearby.

"What's the problem?" Gunther said.

Joey looked at him. Phoebe had suggested that Gunther was another who had a crush on Janice, so he would be just as ready to want Emily out of the way, but Joey could not see him as a serious rival for Janice's affections.

"Can you keep a secret, Gunther?" he asked.

"Sure," said Gunther, looking interested.

"Okay, here's the problem," said Joey. "Phoebe thinks Janice and Emily have feelings for each other. This has got to be stopped, but how do I get Ross on his own to warn him? I don't want to ring him, I want to talk in person, but he's never here without Emily being around. I just can't think how to do it."

Gunther maintained a poker face, but inwardly he was as alarmed by this possibility as Joey. He felt sure that if Janice was interested in another woman, it was because she had not met the right man. But he could well believe, from what he saw, that Janice and Emily were attracted to each other. Both were naturally very lively, and Emily could hardly get much out of being married to that stuffed shirt Ross. And here was another chance to stick it to him a little.

"Why don't I warn Ross?" he said. "Next time he comes to the counter, how about I say something like, his friends feel that Emily and Janice are seeing too much of each other and might be developing inappropriate feelings?"

"Wow, Gunther, that's brilliant," said Joey admiringly. "That puts it all in a nutshell. Okay, go ahead with that. Oh yeah, I should have said, Phoebe also mentioned, Ross himself might have an interest in Janice, so it might be best if they stopped inviting her round. Could you work that in?"

"Glad to," said Gunther. "Rely on me, Joey. I'll get the message across."

"Thanks, Gunther, you're a pal," said Joey. "Whoops, gotta go, or I'll be late for rehearsal. See you."

Gunther looked after him, shaking his head. The dummy probably thought he could move in on Janice when the dust had settled. Well, Gunther aimed to ensure a different outcome.

His chance came quicker than he had expected. That lunchtime, Ross brought in a bunch of colleagues; evidently they had been attending some lecture or conference or something nearby. Gunther waited until the party was beginning to break up, and then asked Ross quietly if he could have a private word.

"Sure, Gunther," said Ross jovially, stepping aside with him. "What's up?"

"Um, this is rather delicate," said Gunther, "but, well, a friend of yours asked me to pass on a warning. He felt Emily and Janice might be, uh, seeing too much of each other. He wondered if it might not be best to stop inviting Janice around."

All the bonhomie left Ross's face. "He, you say?" he repeated in a choked voice.

"From what he said, I guess it's not just Joey who thinks that … whoops, there I go," Gunther said.

"Who else?" Ross grated, his face darkening.

"I've already let out more than I should," said Gunther in an unhappy tone. "You won't tell Joey I mentioned his name, will you? He had your bests interests at heart, I'm sure – it was clear he was very worried about you."

"Gunther, who else?" said Ross insistently. "I won't tell, but I'd like to know."

Affecting defeat, Gunther muttered, "Phoebe."

Ross sighed deeply. "She may have weird ideas, but she's good on this kind of thing," he said in a musing sort of way. "She sees things other miss … Well, um, thanks for passing this on, Gunther." In obvious mental turmoil, he wandered off, almost staggering. Gunther felt a sudden pang of doubt. Would Ross be able to handle the business of separating Janice and Emily effectively?

-----

"Guess what, darling," said Emily eagerly to Ross as he entered the apartment. "Janice has got me a job!"

"What kind of job?" said Ross, feeling immensely disspirited to have such apparent confirmation of what he had been told so quickly.

"Well, she's managed to persuade her bosses that she needs an assistant," said Emily. "For making note about proposals and how shoots went and liaising with people and so forth. She claims that she's constantly forgetting things because she's on the phone to different people all the time and has no time to write things down, though I can't believe it myself. But if she thinks she needs an assistant, I'm not going to say no. It would be so great to work with her!" Her eyes were shining.

Ross felt he could hardly bear to wipe the happy expression off her face, but it had to be done.

"I don't think you should take it," he said heavily.

"Why ever not?" said Emily in great surprise.

"Don't you think you see an awful lot of Janice?" said Ross.

"But she's my best friend," said Emily, dazed. "Why shouldn't I see a lot of her?"

Seeing a different line of attack, Ross said, "Do you think it's wise to go to work for your best friend? It might put a strain on the relationship."

"I can't believe that," said Emily spiritedly. "I'm sure Janice would be very easy to work for."

Ross sighed. "Okay, I don't want to say this, but … people are beginning to talk about how much we see of Janice, and how much you and Janice see each other."

"What people? What are they saying?" Emily snapped.

"Um, I was told in confidence," said Ross, beginning to sweat as he observed the signs of an Emily temper coming along, "but, well, it was felt that something inappropriate might be developing."

"'Inappropriate'?" Emily exploded. "What, do these 'people' think we're setting up threesomes or something?"

"No, no," said Ross hastily, sweating even more and beginning to stammer as Emily's expression became increasingly stormy. "But it was, um, suggested that Janice might be … developing feelings about you, even, even," he tried a dismissive laugh, "that you might have feelings for her."

"Oh, and on what basis?" Emily said in rising fury. "That we touch each other sometimes? Why, you lot were always hugging and still do, especially Joey and Chandler, but no one thinks they're gay because of that."

"Yeah, but … look where hugging led Monica and Rachel," said Ross sombrely.

Emily seemed to deflate suddenly. "Oh God," she said quietly. "It's the lesbian thing again, isn't it? It obsesses you. Well, okay, since it obviously bothers you, I'll try to stop being touchy-feely with Janice. But don't ask me to stop seeing her or asking her round, or not to take the job." Suddenly she seemed on the verge of tears. "She's the best friend I've made in New York. I couldn't bear to stop seeing her, and how could I explain it, anyway? Besides, you like her too. Who would you talk to about dinosaurs if she wasn't there?" She gave a rather forced and tremulous laugh.

Ross decided he must play all his cards. "That's … part of the problem," he said.  "Maybe I'm getting a little too fond of her."

Emily froze. "So," she said, still quietly, "it's not our feelings about each other that you're really worried about, that's just a smoke screen. What bothers you is that you are attracted to her. I have begun to notice – I'm not blind, you know. But you must realise that there's not the remotest chance of her returning any feelings of yours, so why don't you just let your crush die of natural causes, as it will soon enough?"

"I, I don't feel easy around her any more," he said, knowing that he was lying but hoping it wouldn't show.

"So, I'm supposed to stop seeing her because you have a problem?" Emily cried, now definitely mad. "No way, Ross! As they say here, deal with it! I utterly refuse to stop seeing her."

"You know, by getting so mad about it, you're only strengthening my readiness to believe that there is something between you, even if you don't recognise it," said Ross desperately. "At least, don't take the job."

"How could I possibly turn it down, when she's put in all this effort to set it up for me?" said Emily fiercely.

"Ah yes, and why has she done that?" said Ross. "You think she did that with no ulterior motive?"

"You, you think she did it because she's in love with me, or something?" said Emily incredulously. "Ross, this isn't like Mark and Rachel, not that that wasn't a prize piece of asininity on your part. Janice and I are friends, and friends do things for each other, as you should know, for no other motive than friendship."

Ross's face had darkened at the reference to Mark, always a sore point. "You leave Mark and Rachel out of this," he growled. "You've only heard one side of that. And it was the start of all our troubles, when she went and got herself that job."

"Oh, she should have carried on doing a job that bored her, just so she could always be there when you wanted," Emily flared. "Well, she wouldn't put up with that, and neither will I! I want a real job, not just little bits of work, mostly boring."

"You will make me very unhappy if you take it," Ross said threateningly.

There was a short pause. Then Emily said, very quietly, "Ross, don't you trust me?"

Ross did not reply instantly, and he realised too late that this was a crucial mistake. Emily's face crumpled, and tears appeared in her eyes, which suddenly had an almost frightened look in them.

"Oh God," she said, very softly, "you still haven't got over Carol, have you? Let alone Rachel. You're always afraid we're secretly out to betray you with another woman." Suddenly she whirled and marched decisively into their bedroom. Following rather hesitantly, he found her taking a case out of the wardrobe.

"What, what are you doing?" he cried in alarm. "You're not leaving me, just over this?"

"No," she said, looking at him with an unhappy expression. "Some women might, but no, I'm not leaving you. I'm just going to move out for a few days, until you come to your senses."

"Where will you go?" he stammered.

"I'll ask Monica and Rachel if they can put me up in their spare room," she said. When his face darkened again, she asked, "Why, what's the matter with that? Monica's your sister, and they're good friends, it means I'll be close ... What possible objection could you have?"

"If you wanted to defuse my fears about anything … inappropriate, they're not the best people to go to," he said rather stiffly.

She turned to face him, throwing her hands in the air in total exasperation. "Oh Lord, here we go again! Ever since Carol and Susan, you have had this, this totally irrational fear that all women who are or have become lesbian are in some kind of conspiracy to tempt straight women away from their men. But Susan never made the slightest effort to 'convert' me when she was over in London, despite all the occasions when we were together, and Carol and Susan had nothing to do with Monica and Rachel getting together, either. Believe me, if I get the remotest suspicion that they have any idea about 'turning' me – not that I suspect they would for a moment – I shall walk straight out again!" She looked at him very intently. "Ross, you have got to learn to trust, or you'll never be able to make a relationship work."

Unable to come up with any kind of coherent response, Ross just looked at her helplessly. He knew intellectually that what she was saying made perfect sense, but he just couldn't shake off his gut feelings of apprehension about her relationship with Janice. He wanted her to stay, but he did not want to give way over this. Numbly he watched her pack a variety of items. When she had done this, she walked past without looking at him to collect toilet things from the bathroom. When she had returned, put these in, and zipped up the case, she looked him full in the face again. He was shocked by the pain in her expression.

"Aren't you going to say anything at all?" she said, so quietly she was almost whispering.

"What do you want me to say?" he replied, his voice almost croaking.

She sighed. "How about, I'm sorry, I overreacted to something I heard, please don't go?"

"What about Janice, then?" he asked.

"Look," she said quietly, with an air of having reached the end of her patience, "I've offered to lay off all the playful punching and hugging and stuff. I'll go further. I'll try to cut down on the number of times we invite her round, though that will have to be done carefully, to avoid hurting her feelings. Maybe we could use the excuse that you find yourself too attracted to her. But that's my best offer. I'm not giving up the job, so I'm bound to go on seeing her a lot. Now, what do you say?"

-----

"And, and the big idiot just stammered and stuttered, as if he'd forgotten how to speak!" said Emily through her tears. "He did eventually get something out about not wanting me to go, being sorry and knowing this was a sacrifice on my part, but hoping I could see why he was so afraid and would go some way to meet his fears. As if I hadn't already made all kinds of concessions! So in the end I just walked out. Before I did, I b-begged him to do some serious thinking about what he needed to do to make our marriage work. I came here because I knew if I went to Central Perk he would follow me."

"That's okay, Emily," said Rachel. She glanced across at Kim, who was looking very sympathetic and nodded.

"Men often get uptight about their wives having friends of their own," said Kim, "but this is an odd case, because he likes Janice – too much, to go by what he's said."

"If I'd realised quite how insecure he was about friendships between women, I might never have married him," said Emily sadly, wiping her eyes.

Her cellphone rang. "Do you mind if I take this?" she said to Kim. "It might be him."

"Go right ahead," said Kim.

But it was Janice. "Thank God I've found you," she said hurriedly. "What is Ross ranting and raving about? It sounds like you've left him and he blames me!"

"People have been telling Ross that we see too much of each other, that something might be developing between us," said Emily slowly. "He wanted me to drop the job, to drop you, more or less, although this is partly because he has a crush on you. Anyway, I won't do it! I'm moving out just for a little, in the hope that he'll come to his senses and see that his suspicions are groundless."

Something very like a sob floated down the line. "Janice?" said Emily uncertainly. "They are, aren't they?"

-----

Well, I don't think I can come up with a better cliffhanger than that. Will Janice reveal her feelings to Emily? How will Ross react to Emily's moving out? These and other questions will have to wait to be answered, see Author's Note at beginning.