Yup, here's your bi-weekly dose of Robert and Lizzie. Ta-da! Sorry it's taken a while - been busy writing other story - original fiction is more likely to pay a bill oneday, but since i live in the land down under it will only pay ONE bill - as opposed to THE bills - so writing is a no win career. dat's why i'm at university studying english - cause that is just so useful - sure. sorry, i'm babbling. back to the point...
Disclaimer: here we go again… Elizabeth, Robert, Ella and ER are not mine. If they were I wouldn't be posting the story on ff.net before it was out on tv cuz I'd lose my job and ER would lose the privilege of such great [cordano] scripts!
***
"Time of death 2345" Elizabeth said. She leant on the gurney as people milled around her, keeping busy and doing their jobs, very effectively ignoring the fact that a two-year old had just died on their table. No, it was HER table. Life and death passed under her hands everyday and the why of it all escaped her - why some lived and others died. Why murderers and rapists survived to serve prison sentences while beloved fathers, like Mark, and children, like the one before her, died. Those who had so much to do had it snatched away while those who deserved death survived. Then again, who was she to judge? Maybe this gorgeous kid could have grown up to be something awful. And maybe for those who she thought deserved death, life was a greater punishment. Who did decide? Was it justice? No - not for this kid. She looked at the peaceful face of the pale blonde toddler. She willed the child to whimper, to cry out, to wriggle or giggle or anything. But the kid just lay there. "Damn!" she kicked a chair as she turned to leave. She forced herself to swallow the angry tears in the back of her throat and walked purposefully to the staff lounge. On seeing there was no coffee made she turned and walked out, again as purposefully, and down to the locker room. She changed quickly, not even looking in the mirror before she left, she didn't care. There were no taxis so she pace-walked impatiently to the el station, remembering to go to Robert's to get Ella, instead of home. She didn't want to see anyone - talk to anyone. Hopefully Robert would understand - she just wanted to go home. She wanted to stay numb and not think about work but she knew that as soon as she set eyes on Ella she'd see the 2 year old that had died on her table. Damn! She thought, mentally abusing herself even though there was nothing she could have done. The el bumped along mindlessly.
Twenty minutes later she stood on Robert's doorstep. She knocked lightly, not minding standing in the cold. After a half a minute or so she knocked again. This time Robert heard and came to the door.
"Hey, come in." he said and closed the door behind her. "You hungry? You look freezing."
"I'm alright - food would be good." She looked away from his enquiring eyes but he managed to spot the tearstains on her cheeks.
"What happened?" he put his hand on her shoulder, willing her to look at him.
"um," Elizabeth stalled. She went to start telling him several times but didn't know how to start. "I, um, lost a patient. I hate that - it's so impersonal. We have to be impersonal - I hate that. Cause I'm not unaffected. She was two years old." The tears spilled again.
"Did she remind you…?" he started to ask, knowing he didn't need to finish the question.
"Yes." She nodded, "but that's not why I'm so upset. Who picks who lives and dies? Whoever it is makes far too many mistakes. It sucks!"
"Do you know how many times I've told God he got the wrong guy?"
"What, is he sitting up there throwing lightening bolts around like pick-up sticks? What about compassion? God of love, right." She scoffed angrily.
"Yeah." He said softly pulling her into his embrace. She went to pull away at first but after a moment she went to him willingly. He just stood there with her, in the hallway, while she sobbed on his shoulder. When she let go of the tight hold she had on him she found his shirt tearstained so that it was see-through where her face had been.
"Sorry." She wiped her face.
"It's my turn." He smiled. "You want dinner?"
She nodded and followed him into the kitchen. Robert pressed start on the microwave and poured two glasses of wine then sat beside her at the bench.
"Thank you." She smiled, her eyes still glassy. She was surprised at how much better she felt. In past months Robert would have asked many questions - of course he had, she just hadn't realised before. It was amazing how at peace he was about it. But it wasn't as if he had any answers. He was just okay about that, comfortable in not understanding why things happened. She sat in Robert's kitchen amazed at the man before her.
"What?" he asked when he noticed she was staring at him.
"Nothing." She lied. He knew she wasn't telling him the truth and would have insisted, except the microwave finished and beeped. "What is it?" she asked as he got her dinner.
"Chicken, spinach, bread, feta and pine nut salad - oh, and it's got pumpkin seeds and mushrooms and the dressing is yoghurt and balsamic vinegar. It sounds weird but it's really nice."
"Okay, this time I won't even doubt you. Did you make it?" she asked, piling her fork with a bit of everything. Robert nodded. Then she nodded appreciating the flavours.
"You're a really good cook." She said, her mouth still half full.
"Thanks," he grinned at her table manners.
"So what did you and Ella get up to today?" she asked, loading up her fork again.
"Well, she slept till 3:30 then we went for a walk and when we got back we played doctors - I was the patient - then Ella made dinner while I played - oh no, right the other way around. I made Ella dinner - she played. Then we watched The Simpsons and I put Ella to bed." He shrugged, "that's about it - oh, and then I made my dinner - and yours, and I slept on the couch while some lame movie flicked across the TV screen. Then you came home and saved me from an even lamer movie."
"Good."
"It was." He agreed and sipped his wine. She kept eating and they sat in companionable silence until she was finished.
"Thank you." She said as he put her plate in the sink. "I should probably take Ella home - and me. I'm tired."
"What time's your shift tomorrow?"
"I'm going in at nine. Which is…" she looked at her watch, "seven hours away."
"Leave Ella with me."
Elizabeth considered for a moment, "if you're sure…"
"Yeah, absolutely, in fact, why don't you stay as well - there's a bed right by Ella's cot in the guest room."
After consideration Elizabeth nodded, her curls bouncing around her face. "Okay." She said, her voice suddenly soft.
"Good, then I can make you breakfast before you go - we can't have you passing out during surgery." He led her upstairs, his hand on the small of her back, "Oh, that reminds me, did you explain your lateness truthfully?"
"I was only a few minutes late - I said it was because I was sorting things out with Ella's nanny."
"Oh, so I'm a nanny now?"
Elizabeth grinned, shaking her head, "you are amazing - thank you so much - for looking after Ella, and for looking after me. I hate the feeling I'm neglecting her but I don't feel that way when I leave her with you."
"You would never neglect her Lizzie, you're an amazing mother, I wish mine had been so devoted."
"That can't be good."
Robert smiled and leaned against the doorpost outside the guest room. "She was… busy." He chose his words carefully, "She just wanted the best for us, but she wasn't there much."
"Sounds just like me."
"As I've said before, you have an amazing capacity to give. Mum spent her spare time ensuring we always had a… father figure - all seven of them. She had an amazing capacity to take."
"Seven?" Elizabeth didn't hide her shock. She didn't need to - she was so comfortable with him.
Robert nodded, "Either she was easy to please or she was irresistible. Or both."
"Was?"
"Yeah, she died when I was nineteen. So it was just Jo and me after that - that's my sister. Sorry, I'm talking non-stop. You should sleep. And anticipate the breakfast I'm making you tomorrow."
"I don't mind - I like listening to you. I don't really know that much about you so… it's nice. I mean, it's interesting - so much I don't know even though I've known you so long."
"Yeah, but it's not that important this late at night."
"It makes up part of who you are - and that's important - doesn't matter what time of the night." She said honestly. Robert looked at her imploringly, surprised at how much she cared for him. She just smiled. "Don't look so shocked." She teased. He smiled softly watching her tease him. His eyes wandered to her lips but he chastely looked back to her eyes,
"Goodnight." He started to turn away but she took his hand,
"Goodnight. And thank you." She smiled and kissed him.
"Lizzie," he mumbled breathlessly
"Yeah," she replied, her voice at much the same tone
"I should go - you need your…sleep."
"Okay." She tore her lips from his. "Goodnight - for real."
Robert smiled at her; still breathless, and turned away, walking down the hall to his room. Why the hell are you walking away? Part of him was screaming. The rest of his being was trying to control his heartbeat, breathing and general mental state. He'd sleep well - probably with a ridiculous child-like grin smeared across his face with traces of Lizzie's lipstick. Ah well, worse things had happened. He was still awe struck - she was going to sleep now - in his house, less than ten meters from him. Any closer and he'd probably have a heart attack in his sleep.
Elizabeth watched him walk away, surprised he hadn't stayed, disappointed even. If he had stayed he would have stayed all night - that she was sure of. But maybe it was best he didn't - there was still so much they didn't know of each other. She loved him but they had plenty of time and when they did sleep together it should be perfect - no rush. She closed her door and removed one layer of clothing before climbing in between the cool sheets. She imagined Robert going through his bedtime routine but her own yawning and increasingly-heavy-head meant she was asleep before her imaginings even got Robert in bed.
Disclaimer: here we go again… Elizabeth, Robert, Ella and ER are not mine. If they were I wouldn't be posting the story on ff.net before it was out on tv cuz I'd lose my job and ER would lose the privilege of such great [cordano] scripts!
***
"Time of death 2345" Elizabeth said. She leant on the gurney as people milled around her, keeping busy and doing their jobs, very effectively ignoring the fact that a two-year old had just died on their table. No, it was HER table. Life and death passed under her hands everyday and the why of it all escaped her - why some lived and others died. Why murderers and rapists survived to serve prison sentences while beloved fathers, like Mark, and children, like the one before her, died. Those who had so much to do had it snatched away while those who deserved death survived. Then again, who was she to judge? Maybe this gorgeous kid could have grown up to be something awful. And maybe for those who she thought deserved death, life was a greater punishment. Who did decide? Was it justice? No - not for this kid. She looked at the peaceful face of the pale blonde toddler. She willed the child to whimper, to cry out, to wriggle or giggle or anything. But the kid just lay there. "Damn!" she kicked a chair as she turned to leave. She forced herself to swallow the angry tears in the back of her throat and walked purposefully to the staff lounge. On seeing there was no coffee made she turned and walked out, again as purposefully, and down to the locker room. She changed quickly, not even looking in the mirror before she left, she didn't care. There were no taxis so she pace-walked impatiently to the el station, remembering to go to Robert's to get Ella, instead of home. She didn't want to see anyone - talk to anyone. Hopefully Robert would understand - she just wanted to go home. She wanted to stay numb and not think about work but she knew that as soon as she set eyes on Ella she'd see the 2 year old that had died on her table. Damn! She thought, mentally abusing herself even though there was nothing she could have done. The el bumped along mindlessly.
Twenty minutes later she stood on Robert's doorstep. She knocked lightly, not minding standing in the cold. After a half a minute or so she knocked again. This time Robert heard and came to the door.
"Hey, come in." he said and closed the door behind her. "You hungry? You look freezing."
"I'm alright - food would be good." She looked away from his enquiring eyes but he managed to spot the tearstains on her cheeks.
"What happened?" he put his hand on her shoulder, willing her to look at him.
"um," Elizabeth stalled. She went to start telling him several times but didn't know how to start. "I, um, lost a patient. I hate that - it's so impersonal. We have to be impersonal - I hate that. Cause I'm not unaffected. She was two years old." The tears spilled again.
"Did she remind you…?" he started to ask, knowing he didn't need to finish the question.
"Yes." She nodded, "but that's not why I'm so upset. Who picks who lives and dies? Whoever it is makes far too many mistakes. It sucks!"
"Do you know how many times I've told God he got the wrong guy?"
"What, is he sitting up there throwing lightening bolts around like pick-up sticks? What about compassion? God of love, right." She scoffed angrily.
"Yeah." He said softly pulling her into his embrace. She went to pull away at first but after a moment she went to him willingly. He just stood there with her, in the hallway, while she sobbed on his shoulder. When she let go of the tight hold she had on him she found his shirt tearstained so that it was see-through where her face had been.
"Sorry." She wiped her face.
"It's my turn." He smiled. "You want dinner?"
She nodded and followed him into the kitchen. Robert pressed start on the microwave and poured two glasses of wine then sat beside her at the bench.
"Thank you." She smiled, her eyes still glassy. She was surprised at how much better she felt. In past months Robert would have asked many questions - of course he had, she just hadn't realised before. It was amazing how at peace he was about it. But it wasn't as if he had any answers. He was just okay about that, comfortable in not understanding why things happened. She sat in Robert's kitchen amazed at the man before her.
"What?" he asked when he noticed she was staring at him.
"Nothing." She lied. He knew she wasn't telling him the truth and would have insisted, except the microwave finished and beeped. "What is it?" she asked as he got her dinner.
"Chicken, spinach, bread, feta and pine nut salad - oh, and it's got pumpkin seeds and mushrooms and the dressing is yoghurt and balsamic vinegar. It sounds weird but it's really nice."
"Okay, this time I won't even doubt you. Did you make it?" she asked, piling her fork with a bit of everything. Robert nodded. Then she nodded appreciating the flavours.
"You're a really good cook." She said, her mouth still half full.
"Thanks," he grinned at her table manners.
"So what did you and Ella get up to today?" she asked, loading up her fork again.
"Well, she slept till 3:30 then we went for a walk and when we got back we played doctors - I was the patient - then Ella made dinner while I played - oh no, right the other way around. I made Ella dinner - she played. Then we watched The Simpsons and I put Ella to bed." He shrugged, "that's about it - oh, and then I made my dinner - and yours, and I slept on the couch while some lame movie flicked across the TV screen. Then you came home and saved me from an even lamer movie."
"Good."
"It was." He agreed and sipped his wine. She kept eating and they sat in companionable silence until she was finished.
"Thank you." She said as he put her plate in the sink. "I should probably take Ella home - and me. I'm tired."
"What time's your shift tomorrow?"
"I'm going in at nine. Which is…" she looked at her watch, "seven hours away."
"Leave Ella with me."
Elizabeth considered for a moment, "if you're sure…"
"Yeah, absolutely, in fact, why don't you stay as well - there's a bed right by Ella's cot in the guest room."
After consideration Elizabeth nodded, her curls bouncing around her face. "Okay." She said, her voice suddenly soft.
"Good, then I can make you breakfast before you go - we can't have you passing out during surgery." He led her upstairs, his hand on the small of her back, "Oh, that reminds me, did you explain your lateness truthfully?"
"I was only a few minutes late - I said it was because I was sorting things out with Ella's nanny."
"Oh, so I'm a nanny now?"
Elizabeth grinned, shaking her head, "you are amazing - thank you so much - for looking after Ella, and for looking after me. I hate the feeling I'm neglecting her but I don't feel that way when I leave her with you."
"You would never neglect her Lizzie, you're an amazing mother, I wish mine had been so devoted."
"That can't be good."
Robert smiled and leaned against the doorpost outside the guest room. "She was… busy." He chose his words carefully, "She just wanted the best for us, but she wasn't there much."
"Sounds just like me."
"As I've said before, you have an amazing capacity to give. Mum spent her spare time ensuring we always had a… father figure - all seven of them. She had an amazing capacity to take."
"Seven?" Elizabeth didn't hide her shock. She didn't need to - she was so comfortable with him.
Robert nodded, "Either she was easy to please or she was irresistible. Or both."
"Was?"
"Yeah, she died when I was nineteen. So it was just Jo and me after that - that's my sister. Sorry, I'm talking non-stop. You should sleep. And anticipate the breakfast I'm making you tomorrow."
"I don't mind - I like listening to you. I don't really know that much about you so… it's nice. I mean, it's interesting - so much I don't know even though I've known you so long."
"Yeah, but it's not that important this late at night."
"It makes up part of who you are - and that's important - doesn't matter what time of the night." She said honestly. Robert looked at her imploringly, surprised at how much she cared for him. She just smiled. "Don't look so shocked." She teased. He smiled softly watching her tease him. His eyes wandered to her lips but he chastely looked back to her eyes,
"Goodnight." He started to turn away but she took his hand,
"Goodnight. And thank you." She smiled and kissed him.
"Lizzie," he mumbled breathlessly
"Yeah," she replied, her voice at much the same tone
"I should go - you need your…sleep."
"Okay." She tore her lips from his. "Goodnight - for real."
Robert smiled at her; still breathless, and turned away, walking down the hall to his room. Why the hell are you walking away? Part of him was screaming. The rest of his being was trying to control his heartbeat, breathing and general mental state. He'd sleep well - probably with a ridiculous child-like grin smeared across his face with traces of Lizzie's lipstick. Ah well, worse things had happened. He was still awe struck - she was going to sleep now - in his house, less than ten meters from him. Any closer and he'd probably have a heart attack in his sleep.
Elizabeth watched him walk away, surprised he hadn't stayed, disappointed even. If he had stayed he would have stayed all night - that she was sure of. But maybe it was best he didn't - there was still so much they didn't know of each other. She loved him but they had plenty of time and when they did sleep together it should be perfect - no rush. She closed her door and removed one layer of clothing before climbing in between the cool sheets. She imagined Robert going through his bedtime routine but her own yawning and increasingly-heavy-head meant she was asleep before her imaginings even got Robert in bed.