I'm continuing this…because they don't deserve to be left heartbroken.

You guys left some awsome reviews...thanks!

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I can't sleep. Not knowing that you're out there upset. And I don't want to go out there, fear that I'll make you more upset.

I didn't do it to hurt you. I would never do anything to hurt you…

…I would never do anything to /deliberately/ hurt you.

But I guess this must be deliberate. I must have made a conscious decision to sleep with her; it's not like it just happened. I had to do something to make it happen…and I did.

Maybe, somewhere deep down inside I do want to hurt you. I can't feel any resentment toward you.

This is one of the reasons I never wanted to get into this relationship; I love you too much. I know being with someone means being careful.

And however aloof my façade may be, I am not careful with relationships. And I don't think you realise that yet. I don't do or say the right things.

It was safer before we got together, because it didn't matter if I said the right or wrong things; I could still be free to go and mess up and it wouldn't affect you as much as it's affecting you now.

She was just…there. I would say she seduced me, but I guess it takes two to play at that game. I should have resisted; but I'm weak…

…And this is why I can't talk to you right now. I'm still in denial. I'm still attempting to justify my actions.

And my actions were wrong. They had to be. I'm not one of these people who are enthusiastic about these things; I don't think it will make whatever we have together stronger.

And I hate the thought that you may never trust me again. I'd love to think I deserve your trust, but I don't. Not after what I've done.

I've ruined it, haven't I? Whatever 'this' is or was, it's gone now. We're beyond sorry. We're beyond plants and gestures.

And I can't believe I yelled at you. You did not deserve that. I completely ripped into You, and I'd love to say that it was because I was angry with myself. But it wasn't. I was angry because I'd been caught. I was angry because I couldn't defend myself against the facts.

And the fact is…I slept with someone…who wasn't you.

It feels foreign; like a case I'd be working on. Girlfriend finds boyfriend cheating; girlfriend proceeds to injure boyfriend.

I think you're above that though. Although, right now, I'd love for you to hurt me, physically, back - because I have the strange feeling that I need to be punished.

And I guess that's because I want to be forgiven. If you hurt me back – I can consider it even. I can pretend that the situations cancel each other out.

But really, I need to work at being forgiven.

And, if I were any measure of a man, I wouldn't want you to forgive me straight away. I'd want you to make me earn that trust. Because what is trust if it isn't worked for?

And I need to prove to you that I'm worthy.

I can't stand the thought of losing you. Not now, not after all these problems we've face, all this time that's past.

If I lost you now, I don't think I'd ever get over it.

My stomach turns again; I can hear you sobbing.

And I hate myself because I'm the reason you're sobbing. I did something so terrible that I've reduced the woman I love to tears.

I'm not even going to consider the possibility that we would have been better off if we didn't get together.

No chance.

Whatever we've had up to now has been so good; I never thought I could love a person so much. I never thought it was possible to love this much.

God, Sara, even I'm wondering why I did such a thing.

I can't stand the sound of your sobs anymore. It's like nails down a chalkboard; except I don't hear it in my ears; I hear it in my heart and soul.

I just hope I can comfort you.

But I'm not sure how. How do I tell you that I was wrong? How do I make you believe what I'm saying is the truth?

I'd do anything right now to make you stop crying.

Anything.

Just tell me what to do.